God’s Care – Page 5 – He Said What?!

Hanging Off – Or On?

Aaron has a way of repeating what we say but changing just one word or even just one letter, and so making us laugh or pause in thought. He has a uniquely Aaron way of expressing himself.

That is, after all, the reason I started this blog and the reason I named it He Said What?!

For instance, yesterday we had some rough weather move through our neck of these Kansas woods. Aaron was concerned, asking about the storms and wondering if he should turn off his computer.

I’ve often shown him the radar and pointed out some storms headed in our direction. I sometimes refer to them as a clump of storms coming our way.

So, as he followed me around the house and fretted over his computer being hit by lightning, he said, “Mom! Is that lump of storms going to hit us?!”

Two words, so similar, yet somehow the difference was enough to make me laugh.

Aaron has become a fan of the television show Chicago Fire. In December the fall finale had the typical…and very unrealistic…cliffhanger. Aaron has talked and talked and talked and talked about those canisters in that basement, surrounded by fire, and whether they would blow up or not!!!

I told him that this was a cliffhanger. Aaron, who is very literal, saw no cliff in that fall finale. He also saw no one hanging from a cliff in that basement.

I therefore…and not for the first time…explained that a cliffhanger is when the show’s producers leave you hanging on after the last show of the season in order to make you come back and watch the first show of the new season.

Hanging ON.

But here is Aaron’s take:

“MOM!! I can’t wait till January 8^th!!

Then he waits for me to ask why he can’t wait till January 8^th.

“Because that’s when Chicago Fire comes back on!!”

Then he waits for me to show excitement. I am a good actress.

“Remember how they left us hanging OFF??!!”

Then I laugh. He thinks my laughter is an expression of my excitement over Chicago Fire resuming.

But my laughter is really about the way he changed my original phrase.

Are we hanging ON…or hanging OFF?

His change-up of that one little word has had me pondering over the past few days.

Hanging OFF a cliff is a scary situation, to put it mildly.

Hanging ON, to me, conveys hope.

In life, when I am hanging off a cliff of fear or dread or disappointment…or any number of other scenarios…I must remind myself to hang ON.

I hang ON to God and to the hope that He gives me.

How often our life with Aaron changes! We can so quickly go from enjoying life:

To the suddenness of seizures:

The above picture was right after Aaron’s third seizure on Christmas Eve, just as we were getting ready to play Christmas Bingo as we Skyped with Kyle and Andrea from Houston.

It’s a stretch for Aaron to want to play games. My first heart reaction was to wonder why. Why must he have a seizure when he was actually willing to sit with us and play a game?

Sometimes his seizures keep him from participating in something that he really wanted to do. That makes me sad for him. Disappointed.

He did arouse enough to play Bingo, but I played his card because he was uncoordinated and shaky…and grouchy, which is typical when he plays Bingo.

Every day…every situation…can be a cliffhanger with Aaron. Will we have seizures to manage? Behaviors to handle?

I do feel like I’m sometimes hanging off a cliff, holding on for dear life, afraid of what’s next and afraid of falling…of failing.

But then I must remind myself that I’m not alone. I know and trust God.

And I hold ON to Him.

I don’t understand everything.

I don’t even like everything.

But I love God, and I know He loves me.

So whatever cliff it is, I do know that I’m not just hanging off.

I reach up and I hang ON to God.

He lifts me up and He rescues me…not from the situation, necessarily…but from the danger of despair and hopelessness that can so easily overwhelm me.

After all, look at what God says about Himself in Psalm 91:15:

“He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will rescue him and honor him.”

May I remember, every day and in every cliffhanger, that I don’t need to just hang off.

I can hang ON…to the God Who rescues me.

Changes Ahead

If you know me, and especially if you are a Facebook friend of mine, then you know that I love sky pictures. I have taken hundreds of sky pictures from our upstairs bedroom windows that face the western sky.

Sunsets:

Storms moving in:

Sunrise reflections:

Even a Great Horned Owl that used to perch on the top of our big pine tree (sorry for the fuzzy picture):

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The view changes depending on so many factors. Weather, the time of year, the time of day, trees that have been cut down due to disease, and so much more.

On a recent morning, as I finished my quiet time, I looked out the window and was drawn to the pretty sky outside. But as I prepared to snap some shots of the sky, my eyes also saw this.

Can you see it? Where we once had a farmer’s field across the road from us, we now have a future housing development being built.

Civilization is encroaching upon us. Some call it progress, but we are not exactly happy with how the building of 300 homes will change not only our view, but our traffic and so many other things as well.

But do you know what won’t change? The sky itself won’t change.

I can still relish our beautiful sky, no matter what’s happening on the ground below.

Change is a fact of life. Some changes are exciting and wonderful, while others are sad and fearful.

What’s looming in your view today? Are changes possibly coming in your life that leave you unsettled and scared?

Our focus in those times is vital to our peace. I can choose to be filled with apprehension or to be filled with peace.

Just like I can choose to look at the houses being built, or I can choose to gaze at the sky above…so I can choose to center my attention on my problems ahead or to center my thoughts on God above.

I control my eyes…my thoughts…my focus.

Psalm 123 states this fact perfectly.

To You I lift up my eyes,

O You who are enthroned in the heavens!

Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master,

As the eyes of a maid to the hand of her mistress,

So our eyes look to the Lord our God,

Until He shall be gracious to us.

God is sovereign over our circumstances.

God is also sufficient for us, whatever is our present or our future.

One more thing. The word “gracious” carries the meaning of someone stooping down in kindness to an inferior.

Just like God stoops down in His mercy to me, time after time, to hold my hand and show me His kindness, so He will do over and over as I walk this path of life.

This is my prayer for myself, to keep my eyes on God and not on what is around me or ahead of me.

I control my eyes.

I am so thankful that it is God Who controls my life.

I Love This Place!

For the past few weeks I’ve felt like I live in a snow globe. I’m a figure that’s not fastened down, so when the globe is shaken I just fly all around with the snow. Crazy, to say the least!

Gary and I knew that this was going to happen:

Thankfully his foot surgery was planned and on our calendars many weeks ago. We had time to prepare, even throwing in some minor things like having two bedrooms remodeled. You know how that is. Emptying the rooms of everything; deciding on what supplies to purchase; purchasing supplies; going through drawers and shelves and making multiple donation trips to Goodwill; the remodel itself (great job, Distinctive Designs!!); cleaning; putting everything back in the rooms; and heavy furniture up the stairs or down the stairs (thank you to our son, Andrew, home for Thanksgiving!).

Then there was decorating and preparing for Christmas with all the shopping and wrapping and mailing and cards and cooking yet to do.

Oh, and let’s throw in cleaning our big storage room two days before surgery! Why not??!!

In the midst of it all, there is Aaron. Aaron…trying so hard to maintain his normal.

Aaron’s normal is very vital to him. His normal is as vital to him as breathing or eating. Normal gives him stability and predictability, which he needs to maintain his balance.

Gary and I can roll with the flow, stressful as that flow may sometimes be. Aaron…not so much. When his normal flow of life is redirected…shaken like the snow globe…Aaron most often will react instead of handling the change. Then whatever is causing his life change, as he sees it, becomes the enemy.

The enemy may be an event. That’s why holidays, parties, trips, or other out-of-the-norm happenings can rock his world. Aaron’s world is what he makes it. His world is set and settled in his brain, everything in its place. His days flow with an established pattern. Can we all spell “ROUTINE?!”

The enemy may also be a person. Any person who disrupts his pattern of life or his way of doing life becomes a huge problem to him. Just ask his siblings about our Christmas family time every year. We all know to expect at least one “Christmas Meltdown” every year. The meltdown often involves some aspect of our family Christmas Eve Bingo game, which combines a party atmosphere with a lot of crazy thrown in from the annoying people who are on his turf and messing up his routine.

Autism at it’s finest, let me tell you!

When Gary and I arrived home the day of his surgery, Aaron was so very happy to see us. I saw him scan over Gary’s huge wrapping with his ever-observant eyes, but Aaron never asked how the surgery went or how Gary was feeling.

Instead, Aaron talked up a storm as we got Gary settled in bed. He ran up to his bedroom, returning with a soft blanket of his that he wanted Gary to use. He ran outside in the dark and brought in our trashcans that were at the end of the driveway. He kept looking for ways to help and was just SO happy to have us home. I’m not sure how much of that happiness rested on the fact that his dad was all right or on the fact that we were home, at last, and now life could be back to normal.

Normal! Right?!

Wrong.

Dad was in the guest bedroom. Mom had to make trips down to Dillon’s for meds and food that sounded good to Dad and drinks to settle his stomach. Dad wasn’t talking much and Mom was distracted. People were calling. Or coming to the house.

The morning after surgery, Aaron was getting edgy. We knew it. And Gary, bless his heart…in the shape he was in…managed to ask Aaron about his game he was playing. Aaron was off and running then! Talk, talk, talk!! Talk about what he loved and what he understood and what mattered to him.

Honestly, Dad’s foot and leg all propped up on the living room couch didn’t matter to Aaron at that point. How Dad slept didn’t matter. Dad’s possible pain didn’t matter.

It seems heartless to us, but we know Aaron. We know how autism is often defined by a narcissistic way of viewing the world.

We had some storms that first week. It got rough. My reactions weren’t always kind and loving toward Aaron.

Then after the snow would settle in our upside-down snow globe world, Aaron would look at us and immediately launch into talk of aliens and outer space and his latest movie and anything…ANYTHING…but real life and feelings and concern for us. Then his anger would erupt if he sensed our lack of interest in what he was saying.

Just so exhausting.

One night after going around and around, Aaron regrouped quickly and stood by Gary in the living room talking about what show he was watching or game he was playing. This was Aaron’s happy place with his captive audience.

This past week, our second week post-surgery, Aaron came down with the crud bug. Fever, cough, sore throat, aching all over. A doctor visit, some meds, and he is better. But again, a sick Aaron was a touchy Aaron.

Until he thought of Christmas lights.

“Mom?” he asked on evening. “Can we go look at the lights on the big white house?”

It wasn’t necessarily what I had time or interest in at that moment, but I saw the hope on his face and so off we went. We saw the lights and then drove on to look at some other lights close by in several neighborhoods.

A couple nights later, after our neighbor mentioned a near neighborhood that was all decked out in lights, Aaron and I went out again. House after house was glowing and flashing and bright and fun. Aaron was mesmerized, leaning forward in his seat and very still, with a smile on his face.

“I LOVE this place!!” he finally exclaimed.

It warmed my heart so much for him to express such joy.

It warmed my heart to be the one who showed him this place he loved.

I’ll admit that sometimes I don’t love this place where God has us. Life with Aaron can be very tiring. He requires or demands things from us that we at times have no energy or interest in giving.

This place isn’t always bright and pretty and rewarding and fun. Sometimes we wonder why we’re here and what we’re doing.

But this place is where God has put us.

Aaron is God’s gift to us.

Sometimes we don’t feel that sentiment. Gary and I get weary…lonely…at the end of ourselves.

I’m sure the man Jesus…God’s Son…felt all that and more, thousands of times over, as He walked this sad earth.

And because Jesus walked with us, He also understands our weaknesses and our human thoughts. He is here with us to give us His grace and enable us to do the same with Aaron.

Aaron may not always love this place, either. When his life is askew and he is miserable, loving this place is the last thing on his mind.

But may he know, when the snow is settled and the storm is over, that HE is loved.

Loved by God, as are we…and loved by his parents.

May this place, where we are at the moment, be a place of love when all is said and done.

And may your place, dear one…hard as it may be…be a place filled with God’s love for you and through you.

Bright like the lights of this beautiful season!

My Airport Glory Story

In March of last year, 2018, I flew to Houston for a very happy trip. Our daughter, Andrea, was getting married in the fall and so this weekend in March was to be full of trying on wedding dresses and making wedding plans.

Of course, I had a layover in Dallas. There I sat in the terminal, catching up on social media and emails, when a fast movement caught my eye. I looked up to see a little bird flying among the ceiling beams. He would sit up there staring down at all the waiting passengers, though our area was people sparse at that time. He would observe for a minute, then fly down and land on the carpet, where a few passengers would toss him bites of bread or crackers. He was a cute little thing and broke the dull monotony of the usual airport terminal happenings.

I noticed a woman sitting not too far from me, within talking range, who was also enjoying the little bird. Our eyes met and we both smiled. We began talking about the bird. One thing led to another and we realized that we had much in common. The military…where we had lived…daughters in Texas…shared names. She introduced herself as Johnnie Latham and had soon moved closer to where I sat so we could talk even more.

The best and brightest thing we quickly knew about each other is that we were sisters in Christ. Believers understand this connection that is very evident, even when you meet a stranger. It’s the Holy Spirit, and the communion that two people have due to that indwelling is very real and very obvious.

Johnnie and I talked up a storm as we sat there. Gone were our phones as we talked and talked, enjoying every minute. Gone was the terminal drudgery of the airport as we crammed as much conversation as we could into the now short time we had before boarding the plane.

All too soon, it was time to board. We said our goodbyes and it was so nice to meet you as we got in line, with Johnnie several people behind me. Before long, I had taken my seat near the back of the plane. No one was in the seat beside me and it appeared, as passengers boarded, that my next-door seat would remain empty.

As I settled in and looked up, I saw Johnnie headed my way. We hadn’t compared seat numbers. Why would we? But closer and closer she came, looking at her boarding pass for her row and seat number. Then there she stood, confirming her assigned seat…and you guessed it! Her seat was the one beside me!!

We squealed and laughed and exclaimed our disbelief! Other passengers, I’m sure, were curious at this loud display of happiness over an airline seat!

“God wanted us to sit together!” Johnnie exclaimed as I fully agreed.

We just THOUGHT we had talked in the terminal. Now we were on full-speed motor-mouthed conversation! We spent the entire flight from Dallas to Houston sharing with each other as fast as we could. And I’m sure we shared with everyone around us because we had a hard time talking softly! We had stories to tell! We had examples of God’s goodness to talk about. We laughed. We praised God. We cried. The whole time was really sweet and amazing and so very special.

“Let’s take a selfie!” Johnnie said through her laughter.

So, she snapped this quick picture of the two of us.

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And just like that, before we were ready, we landed in Houston. Our fellowship was over all too soon. I had never regretted finishing a flight like I did that one.

We hugged, said our goodbyes, friended each other on Facebook, and waved goodbye once more across the Houston terminal as we parted ways.

We kept in touch over Facebook through the next year. And one day earlier this year, her life changed. Johnnie was diagnosed with cancer. Now she became a fighter as she endured all the tests, the chemo, the hospital stays…struggles that I can’t fathom. Struggles for her and for her dear husband, daughters, and grandchildren.

But never turning her back on God. Never giving up hope, even knowing that her final healing might come in heaven instead of earth.

And so it seems that this will be the case. Her cancer has spread in her brain and there is nothing more to be done on earth. She is home now, on Hospice care.

Her husband, Jack, said this in a post I read: “She will win because she will be with our savior and she is looking forward to that day.”

Victory!! Johnnie and I shared victory stories on that plane…me about my dad and Johnnie about her sister. Now Johnnie will have the most powerful victory story of all!

What an impact this woman made on me in such a short time! I can only imagine the huge impact she’s had on her family and friends who have relished life with her for years.

And I was thinking about how we both thought we didn’t have enough time on that day to share and talk and laugh and cry. It wasn’t enough time.

But oh, we WILL have enough time one day!

We’ll have all of eternity to talk and share and laugh and worship God together. In person!!

But we won’t cry. No tears in heaven!

So, Johnnie, you hold my seat this time and I’ll join you in heaven one day.

I can hardly wait to hear you laugh on that day!

Hey, It’s My Birthday!!

We just finished celebrating Aaron’s 35^th birthday. We had three days of birthday events, full of fun and loaded with Aaron’s exuberance. There aren’t many 35 year old’s who would embrace their birthday with as much joy and pure excitement as Aaron did. His birthday is one of those times that we fully see how unencumbered Aaron is with adult responsibilities and burdens. 35 doesn’t seem old or worrisome to him at all. He’s all about HIS day and all the fun it holds! He’s very much like a kid, and everyone around him smiles at his delight.

Aaron begins planning his birthday months before the actual date. I’m not exaggerating. He talks and talks about his plans. Can we go here? Can we do that? And often, he doesn’t ask us before he starts inviting people to come to our house or to eat out. It’s easy to be exhausted long before the birthday celebration even occurs as we try to keep up with him and his grand plans.

His birthday was this past Friday. On Thursday, he stayed home from his day group. He helped me make lots of cupcakes for his day group to share the next day.

We also made lasagna for some of his friends to have on Thursday night. We loaded up the van with lasagna, garlic bread, cupcakes and drinks before driving across town to the residential home of some of his day group friends. All girls, by the way! 😊

On Friday, Aaron carried his cupcakes into his day group…chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing and sprinkles, per Aaron’s wishes. At the end of his day, Barb…dear friend, second mom, and Paradigm manager…brought Aaron to meet Gary and me at Texas Roadhouse for his birthday “eating out” supper – Aaron’s choice once again, of course!

Oh my goodness, his excitement was almost palpable! He could hardly stop laughing and talking, and rubbing his hands together, in complete happiness.

“It’s my birthday today!!” he immediately told our server. “Can you sing to me?!”

Our sweet server laughed as well and said of course. She mentioned the saddle, which we had to explain to Aaron, and which he agreed to our surprise to do…but later he backed out on that saddle business. He wanted the largest sirloin, but we insisted on the next size down. He barely quit talking and eating. He was large and loud and very, very happy!

His gift bags from Barb, and from Casady – Barb’s daughter and another very good friend – were perfect for Aaron because they know him so well. And they love him, which he fully knows.

At home later, he opened more gifts and he talked to family…and he loved the shark cuddle blanket from Andrea and Kyle!

Then on Sunday evening, we met his special friend Rosa for their traditional birthday dinner at Chili’s. Again, Aaron announced his birthday to our server and asked if they would sing to him and bring him ice cream with chocolate syrup. Look at Aaron’s happy face when after dinner several of the staff sang and clapped and made Aaron’s final birthday celebration complete.

Rosa ran to their car as we left, bringing out her doll head that she loves so much, while Louise and I laughed and laughed. We love Aaron and Rosa’s friendship!

My heart was warmed later when Louise told me about how she and Rosa were looking at calendars to buy for Aaron. Aaron loves animal calendars, so Rosa eyed each of the three that Louise showed her. Rosa instantly chose the buddy calendar that shows dog and cat buddies for each month. Isn’t that so sweet?

I’m very thankful for each of Aaron’s friends and family that love him. Every text, Facebook message, phone call, and gift to Aaron was also a very deep gift to me, as well. I loved seeing Aaron so happy, and I love seeing Aaron BE loved by so many precious people in his life.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel alone when you raise a child with special needs, especially when they are fully adults yet, as in Aaron’s case, still so fully dependent on the help he needs from the family and staff that surround him.

Easy to look at others who are Aaron’s age, or much younger, who are finishing school and getting jobs and raising a family.

Those thoughts for me are fleeting, though, because I know the danger they carry. Aaron is Aaron, created by God, and my responsibility is to love and care for him – not to regret that he isn’t someone else.

Barb’s daughter, Casady, a kind soul who loves Aaron to pieces, wrote this in Aaron’s card:

“Happy birthday, buddy! Thanks for making me see all the sides of life. Love you so much.”

Those words seem to just go over Aaron’s head, but not mine. Her words go straight to my heart and come out from my eyes in tears that I don’t let Aaron see…or he would call me a crybaby.

But oh, life really is so much more than our routine and our version of “normal.” Trust me, Aaron shows us sides of life that we never even thought of! And other sides that we would like to forget!

Yet Aaron also shows us how much fun it is to relish routine and special days and music and warm blankets and coffee and cows and horses and bugs and steak and movies and shopping and dogs and cats and milkshakes and sharing and pennies he finds on the ground.

I sometimes stop and look at Aaron when he’s doing an Aaron thing, and my heart swells ‘til it almost hurts. He is so unique, complicated, hilarious, maddening, and upsetting. All the sides of Aaron are also the sides that all of us have, but Aaron doesn’t often have the ability to hide them like we can. They’re out there for all to see…and to hear!

And this morning, I heard a seizure a little after 5:00, and another just before 8:00. Then one that he’s only had once before, back in April – long and strange and scary. This is the side of Aaron’s life I dislike the most, but it’s a side we must handle and manage as best we can. I handle it by being thankful in the many ways that God brings to my mind, and by knowing as well that God is there for us and for Aaron with His sovereign protection and grace.

The sides of Aaron’s life…the good, the bad, and the sad…are all wrapped up like a birthday gift that God gave to us the day that Aaron was born. It’s up to us to relish all of who Aaron is, even the hard sides of Aaron; to thank God for our special gift; and to care for him in all the ways he needs.

Every side of Aaron…every day.

Hey, it was Aaron’s birthday!!

And I’m happy about that!!

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The Trumpet

This story is written by a dear friend from college, who gave me permission to share. Her husband was a pilot, air traffic controller, and professor – among many other things – for years before a devastating stroke changed his life…THEIR lives…completely.

The professor began learning to play the trumpet on a borrowed instrument when he was in the 4th grade. His parents gave him a brand new trumpet, one that would be his very own, as a grade school graduation gift. He played his way through middle school and high school, as well as some in college. He must have studied some too though as he did manage to graduate. 😊

After college the trumpet rested on a closet shelf, only coming out occasionally. Like the time the professor called the cows home with it. And of course, it had to come out to play for that reunion with Old Green. But it pretty much spent the last oh-however-many-years it has been tucked away.

Due to a number of factors, the professor has not been able to play it since his stroke. We considered giving it away before making this latest move, but the professor wasn’t ready to part with it yet. So, the traveling trumpet’s case was plastered with another sticker of places it has been. Figuratively speaking.

It took up residence in the back of the guest room closet, coming out last winter so a snowbird could use it to play in the Winter Orchestra. When the snowbird went home the trumpet went back to the closet.

The Village has a cable channel for announcements, reminders, etc. Village residents are able to advertise things for sale on the channel, as well as things they might be ISO. We do not look at the channel as frequently as we should, sometimes even forgetting about it for weeks. Shame on us.

But “for some reason” we decided to look at it prior to going to church on Sunday evening. On one of the slides we saw that a friend who had arrived at the Village about the same time we did was looking for a used trumpet! We about jumped out of our seats! Looking at each other, we both knew this was why the trumpet was still hanging around.

On Monday afternoon the professor put the trumpet in his bike basket and happily pedaled over to deliver the horn.

Later that day the new owner came over to thank us again and shared the rest of the story . . .

That ad had been on the Village channel for some time and he had decided to remove it if he didn’t get a response soon. In the meantime, he had been looking at trumpets online. He had given his trumpet to his grandson before moving down here. It was going to cost him about $350 to get one to replace it. He realized Sunday morning that he really hadn’t prayed much about it. So, on Sunday morning he prayed, “Lord, if You want me to spend the $350 to get another trumpet, that’s okay, but if You want me to get one another way will You please show me?”

It was that day, after weeks of not looking at the Village channel, we “happened” to turn it on and see his ad. The professor was so happy and excited to be able to give the trumpet to his friend.

And would you believe the professor’s trumpet is exactly like the trumpet our friend used to have? It even has the same mouthpiece.

God, You are so amazing.

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I love how God showed Himself to my friends, and to their friend, in this very personal way. This is just a tiny snippet of their lives that our friends have shared over many years via her emailed stories, all full of God’s faithfulness and blessings, even in the very hard times. Thank you for letting me share this, my friend!

A Sweet Touch from God

Aaron saw the commercial for Pumpkins at the Park, and soon after he was telling Gary and me all about it. I had already seen posts about the event on Facebook and had told Gary that we should take Aaron, so with Aaron’s excitement already abounding I knew it was a match made in heaven. Tickets were ordered and plans were made to drive the mere mile and a half up the road to Tanganyika Wildlife Park on the following Saturday night to experience some pumpkin Halloween fun.

Aaron, who must plan multiple details before any occasion that he will attend, began to ask questions and to get his mind organized for our fun night. His list included:

Will I need a coat?
Will I need gloves?
Will I need a hat?
Will there be lots of people there?
Will there be food to eat?
Will the animals be out?
What time will we leave?
What time will we get home?
Do we have tickets?
Where are the tickets?
Mom, why are you sighing?

I answered all but the last question…multiple times. Which is why I was sighing, but Aaron doesn’t know that. It wouldn’t matter if he did. He just knows Mom’s weird that way and by the way, “Will I need a coat?”

Sigh.

But this is Aaron, and we totally expect the repetitive questions and ultra-planning. His comfort level depends on it, and trust me, we want his comfort level to be high…especially since our comfort level is so closely tied to his. Like, totally tied to his. COMPLETELY TIED!!

OK. Moving on.

As Gary and I climbed into bed on Friday night, the monitor beside us on my nightstand turned on to listen for Aaron, I told Gary that I sure hoped Aaron wouldn’t have a seizure during the night. You see, a nighttime seizure nearly always means a daytime seizure or more the following day. I didn’t want Aaron’s much anticipated Pumpkins at the Park to be ruined.

Wouldn’t you know that at 11:58 I heard a seizure. My heart dropped more than it usually does. Why on this night of all nights must he have a seizure? I was so sad for Aaron as I went to help him, and then returned to my own bed when the seizure was over, and Aaron was safe.

Surprisingly, there were no more seizures that night. But in the morning, Aaron’s eyes and actions showed that he was still feeling the effects of just that one seizure. I feared more would certainly come. He couldn’t even stay awake for his coffee, and later slept on the couch for awhile.

Still, no seizure.

When he napped in his bed later that afternoon, I thought for sure he would have one because that is what’s typical. I listened closely as I carried the monitor with me around the house.

And still, no seizure.

All day long, as we worked outside and as Aaron hung out with our little neighbor’s boys next door, no seizures.

And that evening, there we were at Pumpkins at the Park.

Aaron was totally ecstatic, and that’s no exaggeration. He didn’t stop smiling the entire evening.

We went from this:

To this:

Look at his smile!! Isn’t that just awesome?!

He loved every single part of the park that evening. The scary:

The spooky:

And the sweetness:

Speaking of sweet, I especially love this sweet picture of Gary and Aaron walking on the path.

And I love the sweet touch from God we all felt on that day. It was sweet to spend that time together and not have it ruined by seizures.

Sweet to have this special memory tucked away in our hearts.

Thank you, God, for such a sweet touch from You!

Fixing the Broken

Last night I felt like this:

Mangled. Broken. Greatly in need of repair.

These were Aaron’s glasses a couple weeks ago after an incident at his day group. Mixing all the various special needs can at times be volatile. Even I, who have dealt with many pairs of broken glasses, was surprised at the level of damage done to this pair. I honestly wasn’t sure that they could be fixed.

I took the rather hopeless mess that used to be glasses into our eye doctor’s office a couple days later. I hoped that maybe, just maybe, they really weren’t beyond repair. The kind technician couldn’t hide the look of surprise on her face, which didn’t fill me confidence that anything could be done for them.

Imagine my surprise, though, when before long she returned with this:

WOW!! Talk about a miracle re-do of what I thought was hopeless! She received my profuse thanks with a smile on her face and the comment that she loved a good challenge. I’m thankful that she did, indeed!

Being the mother and caregiver of an adult special needs “child” with behaviors can be exhausting…physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I believe that about covers it. And while I don’t want to come across as complaining, facts are facts and truth is truth.

If there’s one thing I’ve wanted to be on this blog, it’s truthful…truthful without being unkind to Aaron in my honesty. Talking about being truthful, Aaron is just that…at least in his mind. He has few filters, and totally does not get social norms. He is often unaware of other’s feelings. He gets stuck in his own mind about certain issues and is truly stunning in his inabililty to switch gears and judge those issues with good reasoning. His own comfort is paramount to him, most of the time, so if his comfort is interrupted or his wishes unmet, we are often met with his anger.

And I get tired. I get angry. I did last night, when Aaron who had been happy decided to be rude just before bed. He and I didn’t have our normal cheerful bedtime routine. He was still out of bed, on his computer, when I went to bed. I didn’t even challenge him. I have no idea when he went to sleep.

I spent time with the Lord this morning, reading about the compassion of Jesus and knowing that I needed that same compassion for Aaron. Somehow, it’s easier to show compassion for ones I seldom or only occasionally see. Showing that similar level of compassion for Aaron can be very hard to do over the long term, day after day.

I was very surprised this morning to hear Aaron’s floor creaking before 7:30. Most mornings I must roust him out of bed…very unhappily on both our parts, I might add. I thought this morning he would definitely be a hibernating bear, but no, he was awake and downstairs early.

He knocked politely on the bathroom door, and when I opened it with some dread, I was so relieved to see him with bright eyes and a sweet smile. He even received the hug I offered! We were off to a good start!

We sat in the living room, enjoying the warm fall decorations and soft twinkling lights. I had intended to sit there and pray, but sitting with Aaron was important, I knew. We talked softly about some of this and some of that. Then Aaron decided that he could take his pills, but I reminded him that it was too early. He wondered why, and once again I explained how he really should take them about 12 hours apart.

“So, Aaron, it’s nearly 8:00 right now,” I began.

He immediately looked at his left arm, pushed up his sweater sleeve, and gazed down at his wristwatch perched halfway up his arm. I just watched with a smile on my face, waiting for what I knew was coming.

“It’s not 8:00,” he blandly stated as he stared down at his watch.

“Well, I just meant that it’s ALMOST 8:00,” I explained.

“It’s 7:41,” he flatly continued.

Gone was the lesson on the 12-hour rule. Gone was my caring at all at that point about the 12-hour rule! In its place was my laughter, deep from inside…much needed laughter.

And Aaron tolerated my laughter, even though he had no idea why the time of 7:41 made Mom laugh. Many times, Aaron gets angry when I laugh, so I don’t…until he is out of earshot. But today Aaron let me laugh. This was a gift.

Later, we sat at the table where Aaron ate a plate full of fried eggs with the yellow hard the way he likes them and where he talked and talked and talked…about separatist droid armies and Trandoshans and commandos and clones…and anything but heart matters. Or the 12-hour rule.

But it was good. Very good.

It was our normal.

And it was a gift. A gift from the same God Who also fills our hearts…my heart…with love and compassion for our Aaron.

I know all too well that we’ll have this again:

But I also know that we’ll have this:

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Thanks to God who fixes our broken!

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)

Of No Use?

Our neighbors across the street from us had a yard sale a couple weeks ago. Aaron loves yard sales! He REALLY loved the fact that there was a yard sale right across the street! He asked if we could go over and check it out to see if there was something he could buy. I agreed, knowing that he would end up over there anyway talking to Derek and Gina until I came to the rescue and escorted him home.

Before we left, I remembered that in my wallet was an envelope that held Aaron’s remaining Christmas gift money. I was always forgetting it was there! I looked inside and pulled out the cash. Aaron had $5.00 to spend, and he was happy.

It didn’t take Aaron long to spy exactly what he wanted. A lava lamp!! Aaron LOVES lava lamps and has been through several over the years. He has a glitter lava lamp in his room now, but this was a good old normal lava lamp. Aaron knew he had found his yard sale prize!

We looked at the sticker and guess what? It was priced at $5.00! Could it be any more perfect? We crossed the street with the “new to Aaron” lava lamp, carried it up to his room, placed it on his already crowded nightstand, plugged it in, and went about our day.

Aaron was waiting, though, for the level gunk in the lamp to begin bubbling. As he went about the remainder of the day and evening, he kept glancing at his lit lava lamp. There was no motion, however. The gunk was still.

“Mom!” Aaron finally said. “Do you think I bought something that is of no use?!”

I turned my head away so I could smile at his phrasing. He’s just so funny sometimes…so precise.

“No, not at all,” I responded. “The lamp just takes some time to heat up the goo inside.”

Gary got home and Aaron happily showed him his new lava lamp…his still not-moving lava lamp. Supper came and went, as did evening chores and Wheel of Fortune and watching our DVD show just before bed.

As Aaron got into his bed, he sighed with exasperation as he looked at his boring lit but not bubbling lava lamp.

“I think I bought something that is of no use!” he sadly repeated as he pulled his covers up. I was beginning to wonder myself if the lamp would work even as I told Aaron that it just needed more time.

No one was happier than me to walk in Aaron’s room the next morning, his coffee in hand, and see the lava lamp bubbling in all its globby glory!! YAY!!! Yay for Aaron…yay for me…and a special yay for Derek and Gina, whom I was afraid would have certainly heard all about the lava lamp that was of no use!!

Aaron was happy, happy! And every day since then, when he returns from his day group, he plugs in the lava lamp, totally enjoying the goopy bubbles in all their various shapes and sizes!

Last night, Aaron went to bed talking about how he was going out to eat lunch the next day with a group from Paradigm – his day group. There is nothing Aaron loves any more than eating out. So, this morning I wasn’t too surprised to hear him stirring early. How early? Aaron keeps a logbook like this:

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This morning’s time was:

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He had so much to look forward to today! He was ready to get this show on the road! He supervised me as I poured his coffee and carried it to his room, then told me he would shower and dress. I went back to my quiet time desk, but it wasn’t quiet for long.

Aaron was soon standing behind my chair, his shower completed and his impatience growing.

“Mom,” he ordered. “Take your shower and put your make-up on so it will become 9:00!”

I soon realized that Aaron’s hurried mood wasn’t going to improve until he saw me making some headway concerning my shower and make-up. But I also realized that Aaron’s eyes were very droopy, and his mood was changing even further from excitement to not feeling so well. He told me his head hurt, his stomach hurt, and that he felt like he was having a dream. We’ve learned that this often means a seizure is coming. Aaron was ready to go back to bed, and sure enough I soon heard on the baby monitor the unmistakable sound of a seizure.

I never like Aaron’s seizures, of course, but I especially detest them when they keep him from doing something that he’s looking forward to so much. No eating lunch out today for Aaron, I thought. Bless his heart!

And my heart? My mama heart takes a beating every time I watch Aaron going through this hard part of his life. He handles all this much better than I do, thankfully. But as I looked down at Aaron when I checked on him later, look what was in the background.

The lava lamp. Aaron’s lava lamp, that he worried was of no use, was performing perfectly there beside Aaron in his bed.

And it hit me. How easy it would be for me to wonder about all the why’s of Aaron’s seizures and autism…to even feel like it was all sadness and of no use. But never, never have I felt such hopeless thoughts. Even in the changed path of Aaron’s life…changed from what we thought our firstborn son’s life would be…there is the sure hope that only God can give.

You see, knowing and following Christ gives to me and to Gary and to Aaron the same hope that God gave to Jeremiah to share with the Jewish nation centuries ago.

“I know the plans I have for you,” declared the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

I can claim that promise for us and for Aaron today because we know that God! We know that He has told us in Romans 8:28 that “ALL things work together for good to those that love God, who are the called according to His purpose.”

God doesn’t plan to hurt us! He plans to work for our good in order to conform us to Christ! We have a hope in Him and a future beyond anything we can imagine!

So you see, all the tough times and the sadness and the unanswered questions we may have do NOT mean that this life is of no use. Absolutely not!! This life is working perfectly, just how God intended, and in that knowledge – in God Himself – I can trust, and I can rest.

The Chicken Whisperer

God did the sweetest thing last week and I wanted to share it with all of you. Some of you read my last blog about how Aaron and I went from a very happy almost three days, to having Aaron crash and taking me with him. We went from happy to sad faster than it takes for me to run from a spider…and those of you who know me know that’s FAST!

On Saturday evening, while Aaron and I were happily watching a movie, I got a message from my friend, Summer. She asked if Aaron and I would like to come down to her family’s home in the country to see their chickens. A couple of the hens recently had baby chicks so Summer thought Aaron might like to see them. I eagerly said yes! That sounded like so much fun. The invitation just added to my happy and I was…well…VERY happy!

Our future chicken visit was a bright spot after Aaron’s happy disappeared on Sunday night. I looked forward to it so much…to having something fun to do with Aaron that was out of our norm.

Wednesday, chicken day, finally came. Aaron slept later than anticipated, but at last he and I made it to Summer’s house. How pretty the day was, and how pretty their home was as we pulled into the driveway! I immediately noticed the windmill and thought it was a perfect Kansas scene.

Aaron was a little nervous because he had forgotten meeting Summer, and he had not met her sons, and he wasn’t too sure about meeting the chickens – fun as it sounded. But Summer came right out to meet us, as did Austin and Tyler, and they all put Aaron right at ease. Right away we were standing at their pond, where they tossed out some fish food and up from the water appeared lots of catfish.

Aaron thought that this very cool! And what fun it was when he got to throw some food out in the water as well!

We walked behind the house then, and there were the chickens…and a goose, Paco. As we approached the gate, one of the chickens hopped up right beside Aaron. Aaron petted her, and Summer told Aaron that he was a Chicken Whisperer. 😊

Inside the enclosure, Aaron got to throw some chicken feed on the ground and soon we were surrounded by chickens.

Aaron got to hold a chicken, managing to still hang onto his prized goose feather he had found at the same time.

Then we saw the cute baby chicks under low hanging evergreen trees. Surprisingly, the mama chickens were very tolerant of us being so close to their babies.

Summer was telling us that no one had been able to hold a baby chick yet because of their protective mamas. Just then we turned around and saw this:

“How did you do that, Aaron?” Summer asked.

We laughed, and I wondered if maybe there WAS something to this Chicken Whisperer after all.

Aaron sat in a chair and Summer gently talked to him about how to carefully handle the wee one.

Then one more up close and personal with one of the grown-ups:

And the opportunity to gather some eggs with Austin before it was time to go.

We left there later with a plate of cookies that Summer had made, and with the eggs that Aaron gathered, and with such happy memories just made.

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When we got home later, after eating too much at the Pizza Hut buffet, a thought hit me. I couldn’t remember when exactly Summer had messaged me about coming to see the chickens, so I looked at my messages and there it was. Summer had messaged me, as I said earlier, on Saturday night.

Saturday night…when Aaron and I were still in happy mode. Saturday night…before the sadness of Sunday night. Saturday night…before I knew just HOW much her invitation would mean to us.

I know in my heart that Summer was nudged by God to message me that night. I was excited to receive her offer, but I had no idea what the next night held. I had no idea that I would be wiping away tears of disappointment on Sunday night when on Saturday everything was going so well.

But God knew. God cared about me enough to prompt Summer to invite us down. God knew before I knew…and He knew what Summer didn’t know…and that was this: that He wanted to bless me and give me a hug when I really needed it through the action of one of His children who was listening to Him.

This thought and this seemingly simple action is simply profound to me. God indeed does go before me in ways I sometimes never see, but when I do see it I can only say, “WOW!!”

And to thank God for His sweet care for me, and for Aaron, by using one of His very sweet families.

No action is too small or insignificant to be used by God in a huge way in someone else’s life.

Thank you to Summer, Tyler, and Austin!

And a special thank you to God!

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	Patty hesaidwhatks on Working in the Dark