Category: God’s Care

Aaron’s Move: It’s Easier There

Aaron called me first thing this past Friday morning.  He calls first thing every morning from his group home.  We’re very glad we bought him a cell phone, but still…..

His voice was low and flat.  He immediately told me the reason.  He was having some intestinal problems.  This is nothing new for Aaron but it’s the first time he was having to deal with this issue at his group home.

“Mom?” he asked.  “Can I come home?  It’s easier there.”

I was still rubbing sleep from my eyes and wasn’t mentally prepared to wisely deal with this, much less handle the onslaught of my sudden emotions.

I did know, though, that this was our first test.  And as Aaron and I talked, I also knew that if I caved, I wouldn’t be allowing the staff both at this group home and at his day group the opportunity to handle this problem.

Going against my mother’s heart, I encouraged him to let the staff help him even as I tried hard to swallow the lump in my throat.

I could not let Aaron sense that I was upset.

He protested even as I portrayed over the phone my confidence that he would be fine. 

Fake confidence, honestly.  Not that I don’t trust the staff at his home and day group.  They are wonderful.

But letting go of Aaron like this is hardest on me. 

My phone soon rang again.  One of the staff was asking in the background where Aaron’s clean sheets were.  I could hear her and others comforting Aaron as they assured him that they were there to help.  They changed his sheets and took care of everything.

At Paradigm, his day group, the nurse gave Aaron some medicine and let him stay in her building for awhile.  He called later and sounded much better.  He even went on the outing that day and had a good time.

I understand that the pull of home hits Aaron at times, especially when he’s physically struggling.  That pull affects me even harder because it hits my mama heart.  I must go against my instincts, but I know it’s best for Aaron in the long term to learn that his staff will now care for him during these times.

He’s not the only one who needs to see this.  I do as well. 

It would have been easier at home, yes, but would not have been the best decision.

Talking about this first test still makes me cry but I also know that we passed the test not only because of the caring staff supporting Aaron, but also because of our caring God Who is walking beside us at each step.

And because of each of you who are praying and lifting us up.

Thank you so very much!

Aaron’s Move: Don’t Disappoint Me

Monday night was Aaron’s first night in his new home, and our first night without him in our home.  I woke up Tuesday morning, unplugged my phone to take with me, and automatically reached for Aaron’s baby monitor. 

Old habits die hard.  Fresh tears came quickly.  I had been out of bed less than a minute when I was hit full force with the reality that Aaron wasn’t here…that I didn’t need the baby monitor with me to listen for seizures. 

Then I checked my phone and saw that I had missed a call from Aaron.  His house has a phone, and I hadn’t heard his call.  I felt so terrible!

But then he called again and I quickly answered.  He sounded good, though tired.  He immediately asked when he could come home.

“For a visit?” I asked.

“No,” he answered. “To stay.”

I felt my heart being ripped out again as I told him that he couldn’t stay but that we would see him on Thursday for Meals on Wheels and lunch.

Then he asked if Gary and I could come over to his house that afternoon for a visit.  We were leery of visiting so soon, worried that it would upset him and he wouldn’t want us to leave without him.

“Aaron,” I said, “we’re afraid you’ll want to come home with us and you’ll be upset.”

“No,” he insisted, “I won’t ask to come home.  Please don’t disappoint me.”

And there went my heart and my tears, which I tried hard to hide from Aaron in my voice.

Gary and I talked about it and prayed about whether we should go see Aaron so soon.  We needed to get him a phone, and we would have to show him how to use it, so we made the decision to go and trust the Lord to let it be a good visit.

We pulled up in the driveway and soon Aaron burst out the front door.

“HEY!!” he yelled. 

“HEY!!” we yelled back.

Then came hugs and huge smiles and lots of talking.  He was so happy to see us and we were the same.  Victoria was thrilled to see us, too.  She stayed right there with us in Aaron’s room.  It was “honey this and honey that” as she talked to Aaron. 

The visit was great.  Aaron would rush in and out of his room as he talked to the staff.

“My mom said to tell you…” he would tell them. 

Or, “My mom wanted to know….”

“No, I didn’t!” I would add. 

They’re getting to know Aaron. 

As we left, Aaron gave us more hugs but didn’t ask even once if he could come home.  Gary and I drove home feeling huge relief and joy.  God gave us a very sweet gift yesterday despite our concern.

It felt so good that we didn’t disappoint Aaron.

And even better that God didn’t disappoint us.

This morning in my study of Psalms, I read chapter 6.

“I am weary with my sighing; every night I make my bed swim. I dissolve my couch with my tears.  My eye has wasted away with grief….”

“For the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping.  The Lord has heard my supplication; the Lord receives my prayer.”

“Prayer doesn’t change things, but prayer lays hold of God Who changes things and Who, in prayer, changes you.”  (Dale Davis)

This is such an important truth for those who are believers.  Sometimes the biggest change that comes when I pray isn’t that God changes my situation.  It’s that He changes ME.  As I submit to His will and His plan, even if I can’t see it…or I see it and don’t like it…He honors my trust in Him by giving me incredible peace and strength. 

Sometimes our prayers are the sound of weeping.  That’s all we can muster.

“God can even make out what your tears long for.”  (Dale Davis)

God doesn’t even need our words.  He just wants our trust.  And as I experience God’s presence and peace, I can’t help but praise Him for that.

I looked out my favorite upstairs window last night.  Once again, God didn’t disappoint.  His artistry was a beautiful ending to our day.

And the artistry of His peace for us as we see His care for Aaron and His soothing of our broken hearts is also a beautiful thing to see.

Aaron’s Move: Do I Have To Go?

Today was moving day for Aaron as he transitions to living in a special needs group home.  Gary and I have worked all week on his new room.  On Saturday we took him to see his room and to show him everything.  He was excited and had an ear-to-ear smile as he walked in his nearly finished room.  It helped that Victoria was there, too, and squealed with joy at every drawer that we opened and especially at the fun snacks we put into Aaron’s snack baskets.

But as the weekend wound down, we could also tell that Aaron was getting more apprehensive.  He saw his life changing as his bedroom at home became emptier and a strange room in another house now held his special things. 

This morning on the monitor I heard Aaron awake.  It was way before 5:00.  He was rustling things, walking up and down the stairs, took a shower, and even took his pills way too early.  It was all way too early.

He opened our bedroom door several times to see if I was awake.  Finally, as I faked sleep, he spoke to me and asked if he could have his coffee.  There was nothing to do but get his coffee and face whatever would come on this very sad morning.

I put his coffee on his nightstand. 

“Mom?” he said as I stood by his bed.  “Do I have to go?”

He was looking straight into my eyes, focused and unwavering.

God held back my tears as I answered him.

“Yes, Aaron, you have to go,” I told him with as much love as I could.

But my tears flowed as I walked back to the bedroom and sat down at my desk. 

This feels like betrayal of our special Aaron, but we know that we are only doing what is best for him. 

Sometimes what is best is not at all what is easiest.

God has so definitely opened this door for us, and we knew we should walk through it. 

Later, Aaron began bringing me items from his room that he wondered if he could take.  His TY stuffed animals.  His slippers.  His pajamas he had just worn.  His special pillows.

I had dreaded our last drive to Paradigm, his day group.  Dreaded seeing him leave.  But he wanted to go with me to Carly’s office, where he was met with big smiles and high fives and where Carly took this picture of me and Aaron.

I drove home, comforted and tear free, and so aware of God’s grace and of all the many family and friends who were praying for us today.

We got several pictures of Aaron and Victoria today, huge smiles on their faces.

Gary and I finished his room today.  We will still hang some things on his walls and are waiting on his new bed to come.

 Aaron rode to his group home with his housemates.  He called us tonight and we were like parents excited to hear from their child at camp or at college. 

But then he asked us why we made him leave.  We explained it yet again while feeling like we had abandoned him.  We know better and we hope Aaron does but oh, it hurts right now. 

The tears come and go for me and Gary.  Lots of tears.

But being in God’s will doesn’t mean we won’t have tears.

It does mean that God will hold our hands and comfort our broken hearts.

Just a bit ago I honestly thought I heard Aaron say, “Mom!” 

But his room here is empty.

He has a new room and a new life.

Yet we will always be his caregivers even though from a distance now.  Others will take over roles we have always held, and we pray they care for him well.

We know God will. 

And for that we are very thankful.

Aaron’s Move: Battle of the Books

The day of Aaron’s move to a group home is drawing near.  He will be moving on Monday, August 3.  It’s still hard to believe we’re really doing this. 

Aaron continues to talk excitedly about moving to anyone who will listen, or to anyone who might pause near him in a store aisle, or to anyone whom he thinks he might know even if he doesn’t……

If you see us out and about in the next few days you might want to hide unless you have extra time to listen to Aaron talk ALL about moving.

But Aaron is also showing some concerns about this huge change in his life.  He’s been talking more this week about missing us when he leaves, and about not wanting to leave his room.  Some of his increased concerns are no doubt because we have started moving some of his things over to his group home.

Aaron loves his Handy Answer Books.  I counted 31 of those books!  He has had them stacked in a very high pile beside his bed.  He won’t hear of any better ideas for their storage, so his mountain of books has stayed there and has grown even taller with each new book.

A couple days ago I put the books in three baskets and carried them to our kitchen, where I put them on our kitchen table bench waiting to be taken to his new room. 

I picked him up from his day group that afternoon.  He hurried inside and by the time I walked in the house, the books were not on the bench.  I knew exactly where they would be.

Sure enough, quick as a flash he had put the books beside his bed where, to him, they belong.  At least they were still in the baskets.

“Hey Aaron,” I said.  “I had those books downstairs so that we can take them to your new room tomorrow.”

“Well, I’M not moving tomorrow,” he quickly responded. “I want them to stay here!”

I left it alone for awhile.  Later I broached the sensitive book subject again and he agreed to let us take them to his group home.  A small yet huge step for him.

He came downstairs before he went to bed to dig in his books until he was satisfied with what he needed to see.  I just watched, not wanting to pester him in whatever his needed mission was at that moment.

Dear Aaron.  I know we can’t begin to imagine the turmoil in his life that the removal of his favorite books caused.  They are safely in his new room across town now, waiting for him to join them again.

Aaron is putting on a brave face, but we know that this change is more monumental to him than we can ever fully realize. 

Only God knows what thoughts are rumbling around Aaron’s brain as he sees the only life he’s known being uprooted and drastically changed. 

We know God is in it and that He will take care of Aaron.  He knows Aaron even better than we do and loves him even more.

God knows our worried thoughts, too, and that my heart that feels like it might break.

God didn’t clearly answer our two very huge prayers regarding Aaron moving only to leave him or us stranded.  We know that in our heads.  Our hearts are taking a little longer to adjust.

But I do look forward to seeing how this move will show us God’s loving care in very real and sweet ways.

And I would not be at all surprised to walk in Aaron’s new room one day to find all 31 Handy Answer books out of their bookcase and stacked on the floor beside his bed in a very tall book tower. 

Don’t tell Aaron, but I don’t think I would mind that one bit. 

The Thanks I Get?

Yesterday Aaron and I delivered roses to his day group friends at Paradigm.  Our local Dillon’s store and our sweet friend Jody organize this special treat every year. The smiles and excitement are so much fun to see.  

Last night Aaron was cleaning out the bag he takes to Paradigm.  He came running into the kitchen holding…something.

“MOM!” he excitedly said, “this is for you!”

He held out…this.

“Victoria wanted me to give you this to say thanks for the rose today!” he explained.

It was so hard not to laugh.  

This…was an old, mangled, broken candy cane, complete with food crumbs stuck in the open spots.

Now, I know Aaron and I know with a fair degree of certainty that Victoria did NOT send me that worn out candy cane.  Aaron found it in the bottom of his messy bag and impulsively came up with what he thought was a solid story whereupon he could gift me with…this. 

Aaron’s love language is giving gifts.  

He just needs a little work sometimes on the choice of gifts he gives.

We’ve been having some rough times with Aaron.  He’s been struggling with some things that make him respond with anger toward us.  

A trait of autism is a focus on oneself because they want their world to operate in the order that gives them peace.  Interruptions to that order can cause lots of anger, taken out on me and Gary at home.

Then there’s the care that Aaron requires on so many levels, care that often ties us down and intrudes upon the way we sometimes want OUR world to go.

I’m not complaining and I hope I don’t sound selfish.  These are just the facts.  Parents of children are caregivers, and having our adult Aaron still with us is like having a child still at home.  Special needs then compound the situation a lot!

It’s easy to get mired down in the daily and to feel like all I do for Aaron is unrecognized by him, which is often true.  

Like I’m left holding onto more broken when I’ve had enough, thank you.

But one morning I was especially encouraged when I read the words of Nehemiah 5:19:

“Remember me with favor, O my God, for all that I have done for this people.”

Caregiving is so often self-sacrificing, but it’s a walk of life that honors God.  I don’t always have the right attitude, and I have anger issues sometimes, too.  

Yet so many times, during the mundane or dirty work, when I am tired and feeling very unappreciated, I remember that I am remembered. 

I am remembered by God.  He sees me.  

And everything I do, I really am to do for Him.

There are many of us working day after day after day to care for someone in our lives.  We are not on a public stage, sought after and held in high esteem.

But we are noticed by God, whom Hebrews tells us will not forget our work and labor of love we have shown for Him by helping His people.

And this…this is a promise I can hold on to when the serving is hard.  

It’s like the biggest and best thanks ever!

A Little Rock and Our Big God

I have a story to tell of the sweetest thing God did one recent very cold January day.

My son-in-law’s mother, Marie, came to visit my daughter and son-in-law for a long weekend.  She arrived on Friday, and late that night it hit me that Marie’s birthday was only a few days away.  

My friend Joyce and I were taking a day trip that next day to Lindsborg, a quaint little Swedish town not far away.  As I got ready for bed that Friday night, I felt a strong urge and excitement about finding Marie a birthday gift in Lindsborg.  I prayed as I went to bed, asking God to let me find just the right gift for Marie.

You see, Marie’s husband is fighting pancreatic cancer.  The last six months have been brutal for Kent and Marie in all the ways you can imagine.  I wanted this gift that God laid on my heart to be a special encouragement to Marie.

Joyce and I walked in shop after shop but there was nothing that jumped out at me as just the right gift for Marie.  Finally, in a fair-trade shop, Joyce and I found a little table with baskets full of polished rocks shaped like hearts and painted various colors.

In one basket were stones that had a word on one side and then a little saying on the other side.  I was drawn to them, but as I examined the selection I didn’t find anything that I felt was for Marie.  I didn’t know what word would be for Marie, honestly, but I knew that none of those words were right.

Joyce said that maybe there were more rocks in the back of the store, and I said that I doubted it.  I was ready to walk away but Joyce was already talking to the clerk at the counter, who said that she could etch any word onto one of the blank stones that were in another basket.  

I was very surprised!  

“So, what word would you want?” Joyce asked.

I hadn’t had time to even think about that when suddenly, in a flash, I knew.

“Courage,” I answered.  

“And on the other side of the rock, Joshua 1:9,” I continued as I looked up the reference to be certain.  

“Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous!  Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Oh, what a precious promise!  

I walked out of the store with that little rock in a cute box with a pretty ribbon, praising God for how He put all this together.

But God wasn’t done yet.

In the next store, as we browsed the shelves, Joyce excitedly walked up to me.

“Patty, look at this!” she excitedly said.

She held out a beautiful journal.  This is the cover.

What a tender touch from God!

I could hardly wait for the next day to come when I could give Marie these simple gifts and tell her the story of how God reached down to show me and Marie both that He cares about every little detail of our lives.

If God cares so much about a rock and a journal for Marie, I have every assurance that He cares about this path that Kent and Marie are walking.  

He cares about THEM and He has a reason for the big things they’re facing.  

And that little rock has shown over and over that we have a big God.

Kent and Marie

Watching For Stumbles

I had a birthday last month, and it was a big one!  By that, I mean it was a big number. 

Bless the people who say reassuring things like, “Oh, age is just a number.”

Yeah, but this one is a really BIG number!

I usually don’t feel old.  But the week of my birthday I had a call from a doctor’s office.  The very young sounding girl wanted to get some info from me before my upcoming visit.  

“Have you had any falls?” she eventually asked.  

Suddenly I felt very old because I knew she was no doubt thinking of me as the dreaded “elderly” word.

I’m already in the “Have you had any falls?” category?!

Actually, I did have a fall a few months ago.  But it wasn’t an old lady tottering fall.  Honest!  

I had noticed that a corner of the thick comforter on one of our beds was hanging onto the floor.  I know me and I knew that I should pull that corner up and off the floor before I tripped on it.  

But I kept letting it go with the old excuse that I would take care of it later.

And sure enough, one day my foot got all tangled up in it and down I went.  I wasn’t badly hurt except for my pride…especially since Gary heard the loud thump two flights down.  

On my birthday morning, I looked down at my open Bible and had to smile at the first verse that I saw.

“Those who love Your law have great peace, and nothing causes them to stumble.”   (Psalm 119:165)

When I first got caught up in that comforter, I stumbled.  It took a couple seconds for me to outright fall flat on the floor.  

Isn’t that just how sin is in our lives?  A little entanglement here, a little curiosity there, leads to excuses for why this activity or that attitude is no big deal.  And before we know it, we find ourselves stumbling and eventually falling full force away from what God intends for us to be and do.

It’s when I keep my guard by loving God and His Word, reading my Bible, and obeying God that I can have peace on the path upon which God has placed me.  

I stumble more in my attitudes, in my heart, than I do in what we might call “big sins.”  I have no desire to rob a bank or hurt someone. But I sure do get tangled up in discouragement; in fear of future decisions that will come; in doubt of God’s leading; in grief; in anger….

My worries and questioning can then lead to what the nation of Judah experienced.  God told them through Jeremiah:

“For my people have forgotten Me, they burn incense to worthless gods, and they have stumbled from their ways, from the ancient paths, to walk in bypaths, not on a highway.”  (Jeremiah 18:15)

When I ignore the issues in my life that need correcting and I let them stay in my heart, I am actually forgetting God.  I begin to focus on those things that do not matter, that are sin.

This leads to me in essence replacing God with worthless gods in my heart.  I spend more time dwelling on discouragement, fear, doubt, grief, anger…so many attitudes that wrap around my legs and my heart.

I stumble from the ancient path God has for me onto a byway, not a highway, and that stumble leads to a full fall.  

But God!

He picks me up in His grace if I but yield to Him.  

He holds me and loves me and sets me straight again as I confess my sin to Him and get back to reading and listening to what He says to me in His Word.

“My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.  He will not allow your foot to slip; He Who keeps you will not slumber.”  (Psalm 121:2-3)

I sure am thankful for the steady love and care of God as I sometimes stumble on this path of life!

 

God’s Unseen Footprints

Our family has recently been going through some very wonderful times mixed with a big dose of some very scary and stressful times.  

We welcomed our new little granddaughter, Coralynn Grace, into our hearts and arms on April 16.  

But Andrea, who has some autoimmune health issues, had several complications that resulted in a C-section and a huge loss of blood.  Three days after she came home from the hospital, she had to be re-admitted for emergency surgery.  They discovered massive internal bleeding and a large hematoma.  Between the two surgeries, Andrea lost most of her blood volume.  When she was finally dismissed from the hospital, her surgeon said that no one knew how Andrea was still alive because usually that volume of blood loss causes cardiac arrest.  

There are many other issues going on in our lives and theirs currently that have increased the pressure we’re all under by a LOT.  

We’re very thankful for our sweet little baby girl and for God sparing her mama’s life while at the same time feeling like we’re all barely treading water.

During the beginning days of all this crazy time, I opened my Bible one morning and read a favorite Psalm of mine…Psalm 77.  This Psalm begins with words that described our feelings as this journey of ours began, words of worry and sleepless nights…of being so troubled that words would not come…of sighing, distress, and despair.

But then the Psalmist began to remember the past…of God’s wonders as He led Israel out of Egypt…of God showing His great strength…of the holy ways of God.

But those ways of God led Israel to the sea. “Your way was in the sea and your paths in the mighty waters,” the Psalmist said.  

And then this, the truth that I have loved for years in these verses:  “And Your footprints could not be seen.”  

God led His people not only TO the water, but He led them INTO the water.  And there His tracks, His footprints, seemed to end.  They could not be seen in the water.  

Screenshot

And in our lives, this is where faith comes in.  My trust is not in the footprints that I can see. 

My trust is in the God Who is leading me where I can’t see His tracks.  

Sometimes we can’t see His footprints…..

In the cancer.

In the surgeries.

In the dementia.

In the terminal diagnosis.

In the job loss.

In the broken car.

In the wayward child.

In the broken marriage.

In death.

But God is there!  

Right after the Psalmist talked about God’s unseen footprints, he said, “You led Your people like a flock.”  

God loves His sheep, and He is leading us.  He hasn’t forsaken us, and He never will.  

Every unseen step through the deep waters we face is His leading us for our good now and for His glory as we point to Him and follow Him in trust.

I may not always feel the trust in the middle of great stress, but I keep following Him and speaking words of trust anyway.  

“Your way, O God, is holy; what God is great like our God?  You are the God Who works wonders; You have made known Your strength among the peoples.”   (Psalm 77:13-14)

Keep following! 

Keep trusting!

And someday you’ll look back and see God’s footprints all over your life.

Footprints

Not quite two weeks ago we had what might be our last snowstorm of the season.  One never knows here on the plains if that’s the case.  This storm came along with bitter temperatures and biting wind as well as the snow.

I reluctantly got out of bed on the second morning after the storm.  Lots of schools and other activities were closed, as well as Aaron’s day group, so it felt good to sleep in a little.  Still, it was hard to leave the warm bed for the colder house.  

As I so often do, I eventually went to one of our back windows to look outside at the view.  And was I ever surprised!  Something…or some things…had been very busy in our back yard during the night!  

I smiled at the sight of all those footprints.  What could have been walking in our yard while we slept?  There sure was plenty of evidence of lots of activity!

I have seen some other activity in my life recently.  God has been doing His work both in my heart and in the lives of others as He has answered some specific prayers.  

We all go through periods where our lives are like a dark night.  We have cold winds of worry or disappointment swirling all around us.  Fear knocks at our windows.  We can’t seem to see the way out or know the way to go.  

But for those who are walking with God, who are obeying Him and following Him, you are never alone.

You may not immediately see the image of his footprints in your life, but they are there.  As time goes on you will begin to see His presence in your life even when all seemed dark and cold and hopeless.  

God has promised to never abandon His children.  He is walking all through our lives, leaving His prints and His mark.  What He told Israel is still true for us today.

“The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you.  Do not fear or be dismayed.”  (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Just like I saw the evidence of all the unseen activity in our yard, so we can see the evidence of God’s footsteps in our lives.  

He has promised us His peace, not as the world gives, but the peace that passes understanding given by God Himself.

God has told us that the joy of the Lord will be our strength.

He has said that everything in the lives of His children works for our good.

God has promised to keep us safe, to bear our burdens, to make us glad, to make us new, to keep us near, and so many other precious promises.

Sometimes we walk through some very hard times, but God is right there going before us and beside us.  

We can trust His plan and His presence.  

His footprints are all over the place!  We can count on Him for that!

This old hymn says it perfectly.

Footsteps of Jesus

Sweetly, Lord, have we heard Thee calling,
Come, follow Me!
And we see where Thy footprints falling
Lead us to Thee.

  • Refrain:
    Footprints of Jesus,
    That make the pathway glow;
    We will follow the steps of Jesus
    Where’er they go.

Though they lead o’er the cold, dark mountains,
Seeking His sheep;
Or along by Siloam’s fountains,
Helping the weak.

If they lead through the temple holy,
Preaching the Word;
Or in homes of the poor and lowly,
Serving the Lord.

Though, dear Lord, in Thy pathway keeping,
We follow Thee;
Through the gloom of that place of weeping,
Gethsemane!

If Thy way and its sorrows bearing,
We go again,
Up the slope of the hillside, bearing
Our cross of pain.

By and by, through the shining portals,
Turning our feet,
We shall walk, with the glad immortals,
Heav’n’s golden street.

Then, at last, when on high He sees us,
Our journey done,
We will rest where the steps of Jesus
End at His throne.

Am I Ready?

It was November 7, 1984.  Gary and I lived in Colorado Springs.  I was one week into my 9th month of pregnancy with our first child.  Gary had just returned home from flying his Army Cobra helicopter.  I headed up our stairs when a pain hit me.  Gary saw me from our bedroom as he was changing out of his flight suit.

“Now?” he asked with surprise.  

I soon knew that, yes, the time was now.  We hurried to Fort Carson and just a few short hours later we welcomed Aaron into the world…into our world.  

I had been busy making all his nursery items.  The yellow and white gingham curtains, bumper pad, and changing table cover were waiting on Aaron.  But there were still things to do, like putting the crib together and finalizing all the other details of his cute yellow duck nursery.  We just weren’t all the way ready for Aaron to join us three weeks early!

In so many other ways over the 40 years of our life with Aaron, I have found myself still not ready.  Not ready for this journey of Epilepsy, Autism, and having our adult son still living with us.  Not ready for the hundreds of ways that our life is not at all what we thought it would be as we held our little 6 lb. 4 oz. squirming bundle in that old military hospital on Fort Carson.

In so many ways, Gary and I are set apart from our peers even at this stage of our lives.  We are not free to come and go as we might wish.  Aaron is entwined in every decision we make.  And when I meet someone new and we are getting acquainted, the usual response when I tell them that we still have our adult special needs son living with us is, “Oh.”  Most people don’t know what to do with that scenario and so they quickly move on to other topics. 

Aaron can be so funny.  He is just who he is, too, especially in public.  But even that can be a bit embarrassing to us as he does his Aaron things, oblivious to what others are thinking.  Like sitting in the grocery aisle to examine his latest food find.

Or sitting on the floor in every waiting room now so that he can work on his sticker book, even rearranging a chair or table if needed.

I have thought a lot about Mary especially now as we retell the Christmas story at this time of year.  When Gabriel told her that she would become pregnant and give birth to Jesus, God’s Son, she humbly said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”  

She must have experienced so much embarrassment as her condition became known.  Did anyone other than Joseph really believe her story?  The gossip, the looks, the questions…how she must have been set apart from everyone in that small town.  

Mary gave birth far from home, surrounded by animals in a dirty stable.  Not even her mother was there to help her.  I doubt that the scene was like the ideal pictures we see on our Christmas cards. 

Then the move to Egypt to escape Herod and coming back to their hometown of Nazareth a few years later where everyone knew Mary’s story of her past.  

Was Mary ready to be the mother of Jesus?  Ready for the turmoil that surrounded Jesus? Ready for the fear as she watched Him being hated and persecuted?  Ready for the extreme heartbreak as she watched him tortured and put to death?  

I doubt that she was.  But she had already made the most impactful decision of her life when she yielded to God’s will for her life.  

That same yielding to God is what brings me the deepest peace as well, even in the fear of Aaron’s seizures.

Peace, eventually, during the frustrations of his behaviors.

I know, and so can you, that “…the God of peace…even Jesus our Lord, will equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever.  Amen.”   (Hebrews 13:20-21)

We don’t know what it is that will please God in our lives.  

But we can be ready if we know and follow Him, trusting our loving God as we, like Mary, say, “May it be to me according to Your word.”

The best gift we can give Jesus is our heart and our will.

May each of you have a very blessed Christmas season as we celebrate the birth of such a Savior!