Month: October 2023

Remain With God

I’m sitting here tonight at my desk, feeling the weight of hurt that someone I love is enduring.  Yet knowing, too, that God is at work answering prayers that have been prayed for years. 

Sometimes God’s answers come with pain.  

Praying with that knowledge is an act of sacrifice.

I don’t like pain and hurt, and I especially don’t like to see those I love in that condition.

A few weeks ago, I drove to see a sweet friend for the day.  I shot this quick picture while I headed down the road.  

That cloud was both beautiful and intimidating.  Would it just stay a gorgeous cloud, or would it turn into a storm?  On I went on the road I needed to take.  Turns out there was a little thunder later but mostly I enjoyed a very pretty sky that God gave.

About this same time, I read I Corinthians 7.  Paul was encouraging people of various situations in life…wives, Jews, Gentiles, slaves.  He ended the section with these words:

“Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called.”   (I Cor. 7:24)

Three words jumped out at me.  

Remain with God.

Whatever the condition to which we are called, we are to remain with God.

Sometimes…very often, actually…life’s situations to which God calls us are just plain hard.

Cancer.  Oh, the dear friends I have who are battling cancer.

Dementia.  Loss of a loved one.  Or caring for a loved one with a serious illness.

Parenting special needs of any age.

And this world.  This sad, scary, upended world.

But through it all, we are to remain with God.  

Like that road I was driving, straight with a curve up ahead and a big uncertain cloud, but on which I knew I must remain until I reached my destination.

Remain with God through the tears, the fears, the pain, the pressures.

Don’t give up on God.  Listen to what else Paul said about his own thorn in the flesh that God allowed him to have.

“And He has said to me, My grace is sufficient for you; for My power is made perfect in weakness.”   (II Cor. 12:9)

If I don’t remain with God, then I will not be able to partake of His amazing and sufficient grace, or to experience His awesome power in my life. 

Being under the hand of my loving Father is where I need to remain, regardless of the circumstances in which I find myself…or in which I find those that I love.

Remain with God.

There is no better place to be.

The M&M’s

I was sitting at my desk the other morning when in rushed Aaron.

“Here, Mom!”             

And with that, he reached over to place a handful of M&M’s in a little pile on my desk.  Some stuck to his hand, so he wiggled his fingers to dislodge them as I winced…which of course he didn’t notice.

“Eat them!” he commanded as he stood there waiting for me to obey.

I never know where Aaron’s hands have been.  All I could see in that colorful pile was bacteria of all sorts.  And I’m supposed to put those in my mouth?!

This happens routinely in our home…Aaron sharing his food treasures with us.  And routinely I pray for God’s protection as I put a fake smile on my face and gingerly place the bacteria-laden morsel in my mouth. 

Aaron would not take no for an answer, so in went an M&M.  And Aaron laughed happily as he stood there rubbing those suspicious hands together, totally full of joy as he watched my reaction and then tromped out of the room, mission accomplished.

Thank you, Lord, for this strong immune system that you have given me.

Our day soon began with a visit to his Epileptologist, where Aaron always makes himself quite at home on the exam table and makes the doctor very nervous that he will fall off the table. 

Afterwards, we joined Aaron’s case manager at Carlos O’Kelly’s for his annual Person-Centered Support Plan meeting.  Aaron only loves chomping down on chips and salsa, enchiladas, and of course his “…side salad with NO croutons and TWO ranches!!”  All the talk of his support plan, likes and dislikes, behaviors, goals, and plans are of exactly zero interest to Aaron.  

As we left the restaurant, I asked Aaron if he needed to use the bathroom.  He said no.  So, we zipped into the Dollar Tree nearby for a few items…where Aaron did have a bathroom crisis…and I’ll leave it there.  

Sigh.

We got home in one piece but frayed and frustrated with the situation and with each other.  I wish I could tell you how to handle it all like I did, with grace and supreme patience and amazing kindness.

But I do know that lying is a sin.

Another sigh.

Later, I walked to my desk and saw that little pile of colorful M&M’s.  I sat down and ate a few.

And I remembered this verse:

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials.”  (James 1:2)  

Guess what that word “various” means?

Multi-colored.

In just the span of a few hours, Aaron shared himself in several varied ways…multi-colored, you could say.  Some fun…some pleasant…some stressful.

I don’t mean to suggest that living with Aaron is a trial, but sometimes it is.  Any parent/caregiver knows that the days can be long and full of many emotions.

I call it the highs and the lows.

That word “consider” means to make a mental judgment.  So I must, at some point, corral my thoughts and mentally choose to see the trials as having purpose in my life.  

And to choose joy, as this verse says and as I have written about even recently.

“Our Sovereign oversees the trial itself and oversees us IN the trial, so it strengthens and deepens our faith.”   (Daniel Doriani)

I stared down at that little stack of M&M’s after the challenges of this one day.  And I ate some of them…praying again.  

I partake of what Aaron gives to me, in all the colors involved.  

It’s up to me to choose how I respond, especially in my long-term endurance of daily life with Aaron.

Two days after our full day of ups and downs, Aaron and I stood in the home of a dear Meals on Wheels client.  Aaron began digging into his shorts pocket.  Soon he pulled out an M&M.  

ONE lone M&M.

“Here!” he excitedly said to Edna.  “I brought you this!”

And he laid the one little M&M on the table beside her chair.  Just one.

She laughed with delight and thanked him profusely while he grinned from ear to ear, rubbing those hands of his together in pure joy.

Then yesterday, while Gary sat beside my desk and we talked, he looked down at the floor.

“What’s that?” he asked as he pointed to the floor.

There, beside a chair, was one little green M&M.  It had probably fallen off Aaron’s sticky hand.

Evidence that Aaron had been there, leaving me with his heartfelt gift.

The evidence of Aaron’s place and impact in our lives is scattered here and there over every page all through these years.  

One little piece, placed here and put there.

Multi-colored.

Designed by God.  

Producing a beautiful picture of joy and grace if I but choose to see it in that light.