I'm Patty, and my husband and I are living with our adult son who has autism and epilepsy. I love sharing lessons learned from life around me, especially life with Aaron.
Aaron’s still not feeling 100%……….plus he was very grouchy this morning………….so he stayed home. Again. Sigh. I love Aaron, but the talking……….the snorting……..more talking………
Here’s how he described his stopped up ears:
“When I talk, I can hear my voice through my ears.”
Yeah, Aaron……I know. When you talk……….and talk………..and talk………..I can hear your voice through my ears, too.
Sigh.
We finished planting our vegetable garden today, which made Aaron very happy. Long before planting season is upon us, Aaron begins talking about the garden – flower and vegetable alike. He wonders which perennials will return in the flower beds……….what new flowers will I plant………..and what we’ll decide to plant in the vegetable garden.
He’s full of ideas, wanting us to consider planting “something different.” He has suggested strawberries; cantaloupe (which we did try one year); sunflowers; and a variety of other flowers and veggies and fruits. He was discussing his gardening ideas one night a few weeks ago while we played Skip-Bo and said, “Mom, how about if I give you a new idea of what to grow? How about grow a grape tree?”
The thought of a grape tree made me smile. I almost didn’t want to correct him because somehow a grape tree just pleases me. Later, though, Gary and I both told him about grape vines…………but I still think Aaron believes that grapes surely grow on trees, like apples and pears.
He was looking out our upstairs bathroom window one morning as I got my make-up on. He saw that the yard was full of those little twirly seed pods from the maple tree. “Mom, you know those helicopter things that come off the tree? Where do they come from?” I pointed to the maple tree out in the yard, but at first Aaron thought I meant the Golden Rain tree. I said no and pointed again to the maple, and Aaron said, “Which tree? That one? The green one?”
Well, Aaron, they’re all green. It’s the one with a million little helicopter things hanging from it……….yes, the green one!
He loves the Lamb’s Ear in the front flower bed because it’s so soft. If someone mentions it or asks what kind of plant it is, Aaron immediately yanks off a leaf and hands it to the person so that they can feel it. It’s a good thing that it’s a sturdy plant! He often sits near the Lamb’s Ear when he’s in the mulch, and he will talk about how soft the leaves are.
Today I bought our vegetables to plant in the garden. I had a few of the tomato plants on the kitchen table. Aaron never can resist touching plants………or pulling or picking or snapping off. As he walked by the table, he saw the new tomato plants and of course, reached over and felt one of the leaves.
“Mom, these are a weird kind of softness. What kind of soft are they? A hard kind of soft?”
I guess when compared to the sweet softness of Lamb’s Ear, the tomato leaves are a rather hard kind of soft. Who else but Aaron would talk about a hard kind of soft?
And later, when I walked past the tomato plants, I reached out to touch the leaf that’s a hard kind of soft. Aaron’s right – as usual. The tomato leaf is a hard kind of soft.
If I stop to see the world through Aaron’s eyes, there just might be grape trees after all.
Aaron got up yesterday morning around 7:00 and came downstairs. I could tell right away that he didn’t feel well. His voice is deeper in the morning and even more monotone, it seems, than his daytime monotone. He flatly said, “Mom, I don’t feel well.” He then told me that he didn’t sleep much; although according to the even breathing on the monitor he slept just fine. He told me that he had a sore throat. As he talked I could tell that his throat was swollen. I eventually decided to let him stay at home and he was very happy about that decision.
He tried to lay back down but couldn’t sleep, so he showered and went about his morning. I could tell as the day went on that he was getting all stopped up. He was snorting, as he always does with a cold, and sounding more congested. Later, as we talked, he said, “Mom, there’s something in between my throat.” That’s it. The only description I got of how his throat felt was that there was something in between his throat. Try telling that to a doctor, I thought.
Last night I took his temperature and he did have a low grade fever. He was relieved that the beeping thermometer gave proof of how he was feeling. He asked, “So this means I’m not feeling well?” Uh…….I guess you could put it that way. This tangible confirmation of how he wasn’t feeling well almost made him feel better.
This morning I woke him up before 7:00 to check his temp, and to make a decision about seeing the doctor today. His temp had gone down some, but he was still very congested. Why do these things seem to always happen on a weekend? Aaron tends to get ear infections or strep. With that in mind, I went ahead and made him an appointment at McConnell Air Base to see his Primary Care Manager. I had to wake him up at 8:45, very unusual for him.
The drive to McConnell was very quiet…………which is very unusual. Other than a few random, small comments, Aaron was very sedate. We were listening to music and with one of the songs that he especially likes he perked up and said, “Cha, cha!” I laughed and he smiled and then he was quiet again. He was becoming very, very sleepy. His morning meds were partly to blame, but when Aaron is sick he really shows it outwardly.
By the time we walked into the clinic, he was so slow. And when we were in the exam room, he was sitting up on the exam table…………..weaving back and forth, eyes going back into his head, eyelids closing, and scaring the poor tech to death. She finished her triage and I told Aaron to come down off the table and sit on a safer, lower chair. I helped him and as he edged over to the chair, he began to weave…………and ran into me, which pushed me back into my chair. This was getting a little ridiculous!
I gave Aaron some mints and tried to keep him talking……..usually no problem there, as most of the time I try to keep him from NOT talking. The PA checked him over but was very concerned about his “mental instability.” She’s very nice and thorough, but hasn’t seen Aaron often and certainly doesn’t understand his neurological make-up. I assured her that what she was seeing was a reaction to his sickness and to his morning meds. She was thinking meningitis, or overdose, or who knows what else? She talked about getting the doctor in to check him; asked about his last seizures; had he hit his head in his last seizures; do we get his levels checked regularly; when is our next neurological appointment…………..I could see where this was going.
As we waited for the rapid strep test, she left the room and I gave Aaron another mint. I tried to get him to talk about the Looney Tunes episode that made him smile as he recalled it earlier; I let him clap when he wanted; I let him bang his foot down on the floor a time or two; I let him reach over and run his hand under the automatic faucet to see it turn on; I even let him finally open the side drawers on the exam table because he was curious about what was inside. I drew the line when he reached behind him and grabbed a big wad of exam gloves. But he was at least more awake, so the PA felt better about him as she further questioned me and gave me advice………..not needed, but she meant well. The strep test was negative, thankfully.
Aaron made it to the van without falling and I ran back inside for his meds at the pharmacy. When I went back to the van, he was asleep………….sitting up, with his bowl of Cheez-It crackers on his lap, uneaten. A quick, in-the-van, Burger King lunch renewed him a bit. He stayed awake all the way home as he finished munching on his fries. That was good news! I didn’t want to leave him in the van if he fell asleep. Even Gary can’t handle the dead weight of an asleep Aaron!
Whew! An interesting morning. I don’t remember ever being in public with Aaron, as an adult, when he’s been that out-of-it. As we ate lunch, I said, “Aaron, you’re like a zombie today.” He simply replied, “No.”
Well, I thought you’d like being a zombie. “No,” he repeated.
Hmmmmm……..maybe if Transformers 4:RISE OF UNICRON had zombies, he’d like that description better. Anyway, I’m glad that my Zombie Aaron is in his bed, snoring happily. Hopefully, he’ll be normal Aaron when he wakes up……..ready for Skittles and Cheez-Its, and asking what’s for supper!
Aaron recently discovered that there will indeed be a new Transformers movie coming out……….which is grand and glorious news to him. He loves those movies and has seen all three of them, as well as having them on his DVD shelf to watch here at home whenever he wants. The news of a Transformers Four movie has made him very excited. Very, very excited.
When Aaron becomes focused on a fact, or an event, or an occasion………..whatever that focus is…………it soon becomes an obsession. His obsessions involve fact finding, researching, delving, reading, listening……whatever it takes to find out as much as he possibly can about his latest focus. Then during, and most definitely after, his fact finding mission……….he talks. He talks about what he has read, what he has unearthed, what he has seen, what he has heard, what he thinks, what he feels, what he anticipates, what he plans……….until we are completely immersed in his focus……..like it or not. It’s usually a “not” with us. And he could care less.
We are currently being dragged into his latest focus, which is the upcoming Transformers Four movie. This movie is projected to be released sometime in the summer of 2013. Yes, that is a year from now. Actually, MORE than a year from now. A year…..plus. 365 days……plus. 52 weeks…….plus. Gary and I will be needing therapy before this year……plus……is over.
Last night shortly before bedtime, Aaron came barreling into the kitchen. I was preparing to get the coffee pot ready for the next morning, and Gary was downstairs. Aaron was going to go down to say goodnight to Gary when he turned and said, “Mom! I want to show Dad the Transformers video on the computer.” Knowing that Aaron would not be deterred from this plan, I grabbed my tablet and told him that we would find the video there. Then he could take the tablet down and let Dad watch it.
I logged onto YouTube and proceeded to type in Transformers Four. Up popped up all the videos pertaining to this topic, but there is only one that Aaron is looking for. Believe me, only one. “Mom, it’s the number 45!” Number 45? Soon I saw what he meant. It’s 45 seconds long. Well, that limited it a little and so we hunched over the tablet, looking for number 45. I could feel Aaron’s frustration mounting as he studied the selections. He wasn’t seeing the one he wanted. I chose a number 45, and though he was skeptical, he took the tablet and thumped down the stairs to show Gary this exciting video.
Soon he thumped right back up. “Mom, that’s not the right one!” Now I could feel my frustration mounting. It was late. I didn’t care about Transformers Four or 4, number 45, Unicron, or any of it. But again, Aaron would not let go of his plan to show Dad the video that he was positive Dad wanted to see……or should see, if he wanted to or not. WOULD see, if Aaron had his way.
Once again, we hunched over the tablet. “Mom, you have to type in the number 4. And the “T” in Transformers has to be big. And then after the number 4 you have to put dot, dot – and then Rise of Unicron.”
So I typed……Transformers 4..Rise of Unicron.
“No, you have to make Rise of Unicron in all big letters.”
So I typed……Transformers 4..RISE OF UNICRON.
“No! The dot, dot isn’t right. It goes like this.” And he grabbed a piece of paper and showed me – : . A semicolon! And even as I told him that none of this mattered, he would hear none of it and I knew it.
So I typed…..Transformers 4:RISE OF UNICRON
And of course, the same video selection presented itself. And once again we scrolled down, looking for the elusive number 45 Transformers 4:RISE OF UNICRON.
The one video……….the ONE video……….that he wanted was not to be seen, according to Aaron. So he thumped back downstairs anyway to talk…….TALK……to Gary about the number 45 Transformers 4:RISE OF UNICRON movie that will be coming out in a year…..plus. OVER a year away.
I quietly stood at the head of the stairs and just listened as Aaron talked and talked and talked about Transformers 4:RISE OF UNICRON with his very tired, ready for bed, Dad.
“Dad, the new Transformers 4 movie is coming out next summer.” (A year……plus!) “It has Unicron in it.” Gary responded and Aaron took off.
“So Unicron wakes up in the Transformers 4 movie!”
“Doesn’t he look different than the cartoon?”
Yes, Aaron, but it’s time for bed now.
“Dad, did I show you a picture of Unicron when it was his full body?”
Yes, Aaron, but let’s go up for bed now.
“I wonder if there’s a new robot?”
I don’t know, Aaron, but I’m going on to bed now.
“Dad, do you think there’s a new robot?”
I just smiled my knowing smile. It’s funny to hear this interchange with Gary and Aaron. But then they came upstairs………and Aaron turned his focus upon me as I finished in the kitchen. My smile didn’t last.
“Mom, what do they mean by Unicron was awakened?”
Aaron, I don’t know.
“Mom, do you think he came back?”
Yes, Aaron! He woke up and came back!! Now it’s bedtime!!
“They said a planet will appear with 47 spheres.”
Hmmmm…….and Aaron was oblivious to our mumbles and our disinterest and our tiredness as he continued to ramble on and on and on about the number 45 Transformers4:RISE OF UNICRON movie.
He followed me into his room as I got his clothes out for the next day; he followed me into his bathroom as I cleaned off the top of his toothpaste tube; he followed me into our bedroom as I got the room ready for bed; and he was ready to follow me into my bathroom………..talking all the while……..but I told him GOOD NIGHT!!
And the last thing I remember him saying as I ushered him out into the hall was, “Mom, I’m very curious. Was he made by that yellow light?”
Aaron, I know you’re very curious………believe me, how I know! But it’s time to turn off all the lights and GO TO BED!!!!! And he lumbered merrily off to brush his teeth and read his book before turning his light off and probably dreaming about number 45 Transformers 4:RISE OF UNICRON.
Gary came out of the bathroom as I closed our bedroom door and we both sighed together. Gary’s eyes were wide and full of…………..how do you describe that look? We are so together in this journey with Aaron that we both shook our heads simultaneously and then Gary said, “A year! That movie doesn’t come out for a year!”
Uh, Gary……..that would be a year……plus. Good night, dear. Let’s just turn out the lights.
I told Aaron on Sunday night that if he got “up and at ’em!” on Monday, then we would leave early and stop by Great Clips to get his hair cut. As you know from other posts, Aaron loves getting his hair cut. It’s always an adventure with Aaron and I never know what to expect. Actually, I never know what to expect from Aaron no matter where we go or what we’re doing.
He was in a great mood yesterday morning and very ready for that Great Clips experience. I think he loves how it feels to get his head buzzed……….and he loves the attention from the friendly hair dressers………….and he loves how they ask him questions, which he answers in great detail. His hair looked a little suspicious before we left, so I asked him if he really showered and really washed his hair. Once before, when I asked that question, he answered, “Yes, Mom! I showered my hair!” And of course, he assured me this time that he had showered his hair. Still not sure about that.
As usual, on our way to Great Clips I repeated to him the familiar mantra – “Aaron, if there are very many people there, then we’ll have to leave and come back later.” And as usual, Aaron has no intention of leaving or of coming back later. I hope for the best. And on our short drive there, Aaron told me how tired he was. According to Aaron, he is very tired every morning of his life. “Mom, I’m tired. I quit playing the computer last night at 11:01!” So I asked him if he brushed his teeth and he replied, “No. I couldn’t brush my teeth at 11:01! It was late!”
And he continued: “I got in bed at 11:02 and didn’t even read. I went right to sleep!”
That’s good, Aaron. But you really should have brushed your teeth. 11:00 isn’t that late.
“Mom, it was 11:02! That’s late!” OK………..whatever. You really need to shower your hair and brush your teeth every day. And while you’re at it in the shower, just shower the rest of you, too.
Aaron barged into the Great Clips as usual, and as usual, I kept shushing him as we stood at the counter listening to the probability of getting his hair cut sooner rather than later. My heart sank as the girl told us that two people had signed up online and that if they showed up, then they were ahead of us……….as was the young man there with his little son. We sat down to wait and see what would happen, but not before Aaron grabbed about 3 little Dum-Dum suckers from the bucket on the counter and stuffed them in his pocket, unknown to me until later, of course.
The little boy on his father’s lap was fascinated with Aaron………probably because Aaron was talking loudly about all the things he likes to loudly talk about…………and surely because Aaron also noticed the little boy, and proceeded to hold up his hand and give him the peace sign. Finally, before I knew what he intended to do, Aaron popped up from his chair and walked over to the father and son. He handed the young father one of the suckers and said, “Here. Would your child like this?” The father was very uncomfortable with this situation and Aaron was oblivious as he repeated his question. The dad then said something about how he would just get their own sucker, but Aaron insisted and said, “He can have this one!” And the dad reluctantly took the sucker from Aaron without even saying thank you. Hmmmmm………….would a simple thanks have been so hard? Thankfully, Aaron doesn’t read those clues in people. He had no idea that the dad was uncomfortable and rather rude, actually. It’s so interesting to see how people react to Aaron, and who “gets it” and who doesn’t. Oh well, it’s the young man’s loss. Aaron was kind!! I was very happy and smiling broadly.
Aaron knew that we might have to wait for the haircut if the people who signed up online came in. Sure enough, the door opened and a man walked in. And Aaron said (loudly), “OH BROTHER!” I hushed him as I felt my face turn red and tried not to laugh. Aaron will never be hired as a greeter, trust me! I rubbed his back to calm him as we waited and as he talked. “Mom, do you wonder what those haircut ladies do with the hair they sweep up?”………….and many other questions and comments.
Finally it was Aaron’s turn! And one of his favorite “haircut ladies” was the one to cut his hair. She said, “Hi Aaron! Do you remember who I am?” He didn’t. “I’m Erin, too!,” she continued. He was very unimpressed, seemingly, by this reminder of her name as he only responded with a grunt. But Erin gets Aaron and so they had a famously wonderful time chatting as she cut his hair and trimmed his goatee and mustache. He told her (loudly) about his weekend with Krysten and about eating at Applebees and how someone was drinking beer…………..to which he (very loudly) asked me across the hair salon, “Right, Mom? I can’t have beer? Why can’t I have beer?” All eyes were on me at that point as I answered his question as best I could. Good grief! Why can’t he talk about the weather?
He told Erin about eating pizza and does she know about the garlic butter in the pizza box and the bread sticks and does she like pizza and garlic butter and bread sticks? He talked about the Tornado Alley movie and how he didn’t get the chainsaw movie and about going to Target and about his sweater and the man who looked at him like he was strange and how the sweater is torn under the arm and how Mom won’t fix the tear under the arm and what they were going to do at Paradigm today and on and on and on, as usual. And as she cut his hair, he was leaning way over……….way over! I think he just loves how it feels and was totally relaxed, but I was afraid he was going to fall out of the chair!
I’m so thankful for how Erin loves talking to Aaron. She understands who he is, even though she probably doesn’t understand why he is who he is. But we don’t need to always understand the why of things……..just understanding who Aaron is…………is enough sometimes.
Aaron is unique…………but aren’t we all? Created uniquely by God for a unique purpose in life. Believe me, there are days that I question Aaron’s purpose…………but never God’s plan or purpose. I just need to keep my eyes and heart open to who Aaron is and not question the why of it. There is much to learn from Aaron. Too bad that young dad didn’t learn a lesson today…………or maybe he did after all.
This past weekend, Gary and I took Andrea to Fort Worth. She’s been accepted as a grad student at the University of North Texas Health Sciences Center and will be entering the Forensic Genetics program. This is so exciting for all of us! We left on Friday afternoon and returned on Sunday evening………..much to Aaron’s dismay. Not the leaving part……….our returning was dismaying to him.
As a person with Asperger’s, Aaron often demonstrates the social impairments that accompany this form of autism. The social protocols that most of us possess are foreign to Aaron, no matter how many hundreds of times Gary and I have tried to drill these niceties into his brain. When these social impairments are combined with his interest in the unusual, it can be a sure recipe for embarrassment…………not his…………but mine and Gary’s, or Andrea and Andrew’s.
When we made our many military moves, we would visit churches as we tried to find the “home” church that God would want us to join and be a part of during our stay in that area. We visited a church one Sunday morning when Aaron was a teenager. Arriving a little later than we had planned to, we found that all the back rows were already full. Trust me, a back row for us with Aaron was most definitely preferred! However, on this particular Sunday we had to choose a pew near the front of the church. This situation made us very uncomfortable as we spent a good portion of the services making sure that Aaron was happily occupied, was being quiet, didn’t make multiple bathroom trips, etc.
We already felt conspicuous as visitors…………..Aaron only added to that feeling for us. Oh well……..we just smiled and went to the front, sitting down and hoping for the best. Things were progressing smoothly as the worship service continued. Suddenly, during one of the songs, there was a commotion near the back of the church – on the side where we sat. An older woman had collapsed and her family gathered around her to help. We all sat down and soon an ambulance was called. The congregation was led in prayer for her as everyone waited for the ambulance and EMTs to arrive.
Aaron thought that all of this was very exciting indeed. In fact, this was the most interesting church service he had attended in a long time……….probably ever! Gary and I realized that he was becoming a little too exhilerated over this unusual turn of events, so we went into “Calm Aaron” mode. We tried to redirect him from straining to look behind him at the action in the rear pews. We rubbed his back, which he loved and which always calmed him. We whispered an explanation to him of what was occurring as he kept asking…….loudly…….”WHAT? What’s going on? What happened?”
Realizing that no one in this church knew us or knew Aaron made us even more aware of how odd Aaron must have looked to everyone around us. We reached a point where I do believe we would have just gotten up and left if we were near an exit, but this wasn’t an option to us at that point without being very disruptive. Aaron, as usual, wasn’t displaying the proper responses to this tense situation. He didn’t care about the poor woman who had collapsed. He didn’t care about her very worried family members. He definitely didn’t care about his very embarrassed parents or sister or brother. He was excited! Here was a situation that grabbed his attention and peaked his interest!
Aaron’s eyes were darting here and there as he anticipated the arrival of the ambulance crew. When they finally came, they seemed to fill the front of that small church as they entered a side door. Naturally, they ended up walking right in front of and then beside our pew. Now Aaron had moved beyond excitement to being absolutely thrilled. When Aaron is beside himself with excitement, he bends over at the waist and rubs his hands together. And so there in the pew, as all eyes were on the EMTs pushing the stretcher right beside US, Aaron bent over at the waist………….rubbed his hands together rapidly…………..and said………….loudly, of course…………”COOL!!!!!”
Cool? Did Aaron really just say, loudly, that this was cool? Now Gary and I were in “Shut Aaron Up” mode. We were beyond embarrassed……….more like horrified………and felt that we should stand and offer a public apology before slinking out the nearest exit. I’m surprised that one of us didn’t have a stroke and have to be hauled out on a stretcher, too.
Well, we all survived. The dear woman who passed out was fine after a brief hospital stay. Gary and I recovered as well, as did Andrea and Andrew………….though it took the siblings a little longer. As for Aaron……..he never did see the problem with his reaction, so he had absolutely nothing to recover from. He rehashed and rehashed the entire story many, many times……….complete with bending over at the waist and rubbing his hands together. This was, to him, a church service worth remembering! It was for us, too, but for very different reasons than for Aaron.
And for once, we had no problem the following week with getting Aaron out the door to church. He couldn’t wait to go back to that church to see what would happen next!
I’ve spent the better part of the past three days at church, cooking for several events. On Monday night I brought home some leftover rolls…………..and we know how much Aaron loves rolls! I was in my bedroom the next morning and heard Aaron come clomping up the stairs. He marched into my room, holding the bag of rolls.
“Mom! Can I have some rolls? I brought them up here to you so that I wouldn’t feed any to Jackson!”
It’s good to see that there are times, few though they be, that Aaron does realize his limitations at self control. He knows that the temptation for him to feed the dog a roll or two is just more than he can resist, so he decided to let me supervise the roll allotment this morning. Besides, this good behavior will surely earn him an extra roll or two – right?
I opened the bag and handed him two rolls, which he chowed down very quickly. “Mom, can I have some more?” he asked. I told him that I thought two rolls was plenty. He pondered this for a few seconds.
And then he responded, “I think, like two, is just not plenty.”
Well, of course Aaron thinks that two is just not plenty. Two of anything is a mere starting point to Aaron!
This morning I was unloading the dishwasher and opened the cabinet to put away some plates. This is what I saw:
I knew right away what had happened and when I asked Gary about it, he confirmed my thoughts. Sure enough, last night Aaron was once again drawn to the bag of rolls. I’m sure if left alone, he would have polished off the entire bag………..with a little assistance from Jackson. Gary rationed them out to Aaron like I had done that morning, and then laid the bag aside. Aaron knows our strategy very well. When we realize that he will completely devour a particular food, we find a hiding place for it. So Aaron strolled through the kitchen and as quietly as Aaron can be quiet, he put the bag of rolls into the bread box where they normally belong………….but where he also knew he can easily find them again as soon as the dust settled and Dad was distracted. But Gary has the wisdom of experience and so he waited for Aaron to go up to his room. As quietly as Gary can be quiet……….and he can be much quieter than Aaron, trust me!……………he went to the kitchen and hid the rolls.
Oh yes! There is plenty of intrigue and sneakiness in our house! Sometimes Aaron out-sneaks us and sometimes we out-sneak Aaron. Gary won this round, as I discovered this morning. I do believe that I’ll leave the misplaced bag of rolls in their clever hiding place, because I know that Aaron will be searching for them this morning.
After all, according to Aaron, two is just not plenty………and I’m sure he hasn’t changed his mind on that at all!
Last night, Aaron and I took some time to grab our backscratchers and tickle each other’s backs. AH…………feels so good and it’s very relaxing. Well, it’s relaxing as long as Aaron doesn’t get frustrated and start bearing down too hard, or giving random little stinging whacks on my back. When that happens, I ask him if something’s wrong and he says, “Why?! Am I not doing you right?” And if I tell him that no, he is not doing a good job, then he often gets more frustrated and says, “There! Am I doing it right now? Is that better?!” I just finally tell him that it’s my turn to tickle his back. His response, invariably, is to say, “I’m not making you tickle mine, Mom!” I assure him that I know that, and to just let me tickle him now. It’s a lesson in frustration for me to hope that he’ll get any softer or calmer at that point. Time to give in and get it over with.
Such was the case last night. We sat down a little after 9:00 for some unwinding time before bed, taking the backscratchers – he likes a different one from the one I like – and getting settled. I sat on the ottoman with him on the chair behind me as he began tickling my back. I turned on the TV and there was the Lionel Ritchie special. Fun! I like his music and the guest singers were interesting, too. I thought that Aaron would enjoy it. He likes oldies music and likes watching American Idol. I was ready for some soft tickle time before we switched places, and I would tickle Aaron’s back.
We listened to the music for a minute. It didn’t take long for Aaron to ask, “Mom, who is that person singing?” I told him it was Lionel Ritchie and some other singers, too…………Ritchie’s friends that had made a special program and recorded a CD, too. Soon Aaron muttered, “Oh brother!”
Oh brother? What’s wrong, Aaron? “He’s weird,” Aaron answered.
Weird? You think Lionel Ritchie is weird?
“Yeah, he’s weird.” So I asked why he thinks Ritchie is weird and he said, “He’s trying to be too cool.”
Oh. Why do you think he’s trying to be too cool? “I don’t know!,” Aaron responded. “He just is!” I knew not to press Aaron for info because at times like this he can’t really verbalize exactly what makes him feel the way he’s feeling. He just “knows” that something about this person is weird………..to him. If I press too hard for answers, then Aaron will get frustrated.
The show continued, with me enjoying the songs and singing along to some of them. And I noticed the backscratcher bearing down harder on my back………..and then it came. Whack! A little stinging, familiar whack on my back with the backscratcher. I knew that this situation would probably only go downhill from here, but I wasn’t going to quit listening to Lionel Ritchie and Friends just because Aaron didn’t like it.
More muttering ensued. “That’s dumb,” Aaron said. Whack! “This is stupid!”
Now, Aaron, you like oldies music. There’s nothing dumb or stupid about the singers or the songs. Why don’t you like this music?
He sighed. “I don’t know………..different.”
Aaron, be softer on my back, OK? I could feel his frustration level going up……..not only in his tension that was so evident but I could feel it on my back. Whack!
Finally, after more muttered comments concerning how dumb this or that was, I told Aaron that it was time for me to do his back. “Mom! I’m not making you do my back!” Whack!
Yeah, in a sense you are, Aaron. Just let me tickle you now. As I started on his back, he calmed down some. Soon the program was over and our local news came on. Aaron perked up…………the factual format of the news keeps him focused. And of course, he loves to listen to the weather in order to find out if it’s going to rain tonight or tomorrow………..although he’ll still ask Gary and I multiple times before bed if it’s going to rain.
“Mom, are we going to get storms tomorrow?” “So, do you think it’s going to rain?” “Dad, is it going to rain tonight?”
Oh man, I so wanted to start muttering some feelings under my breath………that he would hear……….or give him a whack! I didn’t. Of course, with his back to me he couldn’t see me rolling my eyes or shaking my head.
You’re weird sometimes, Aaron! There. I feel better.
Last night Aaron excitedly came into the family room from the kitchen, carrying this:
He found a package of crescent rolls in the refrigerator and instantly began planning his next morning’s breakfast. “Mom! Can we have these crescent rolls for breakfast in the morning?” I told him that we could. He was very happy indeed. He went back into the kitchen, only to immediately return, still holding the can of rolls. “So Mom, we can have these crescent rolls for breakfast?”
Yes, Aaron, I told you that we could. “Well, I’m just helping you remember.” Aaron, I will remember. Believe me, with you around, I will definitely remember.
As he walked back to the kitchen, he said, “I’ll keep them on the counter.” No, Aaron, they need to be kept in the frig. “Well, I just want you to remember them.”
Don’t worry, Aaron. He popped back into the family room, still holding the rolls up for me to see. “This is the name of them.”
Deep breath……….Aaron, I know the name of the rolls. I know what they look like. I. Will. Remember.
And do you know that it wasn’t five minutes later that he lumbered back into the family room and said, “Mom, do you remember what it is that I want you to cook?” DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE DEMENTIA????? That last sentence was a thought……..I did not say it out loud. I don’t think I did…………..maybe I forgot.
Well, this morning Aaron had a seizure around 5:00. He would want me to tell you that his seizure occurred at 4:51. He slept for a long time then and didn’t get up until after 9:30. Of course, he feels awful after a seizure. He slowly got out of bed and said, “Mom, I don’t feel well.” He had the typical post-seizure headache and shakiness, but soon came on downstairs.
I just waited to see if he’d say anything about the crescent rolls and sure enough, after a few minutes, he said, “Hey wait! Do you want to fix those rolls?” So we got the crescent rolls out of the frig, opened the can, rolled them up just right, and popped them in the oven. Aaron was very happy when he saw the hot rolls on his plate. As I sat down, he said, “I’ll wait for you to pray.” So sweet. I asked him to pray and he, as he almost always does when he prays, had two sentences: “Lord, please help me to feel better and thank you for the rain.” And then instantly he asked me, as we raised our heads, “Is it true that slugs are slow?” I tell you………..you have to follow Aaron wherever he goes in conversation. Ping, ping, ping from one thing to another!
We enjoyed the rolls and our chattering……….mostly Aaron chattering…………and then he went upstairs to shower. It wasn’t long before he was very sleepy again and so laid down for a nap……….and had another seizure. I got him up a couple hours later and he sat in the bedroom with me while I ironed.
He talked of course, and most important, had some sweet attention from his buddy, Jackson. Aaron is happy with the simple life that he has and I’m so thankful for that. He has never once expressed bitterness about having seizures or autism.
And among his blessings today: hot crescent rolls that he didn’t let Mom forget, and the love of a sweet dog……..and Mom………….and a walk around the circle………..and the Lord, Who helped him feel better and gave him rain, which he loves. Not such a bad day after all!
He Said What?! 