So Many Changes!

Hasn’t this been a year of change?  My goodness, all of us are suffering from whiplash when we think of how quickly we’ve been hit with change across the board, in every area of our lives. 

When I fine-tune my vision and focus on our little family in our own little world, I see how all these changes…and other more personal ones…have affected us a lot.  Gary and I don’t just have ourselves to consider, of course.  For us as parents, certainly, we always look at how change is affecting our children.  It doesn’t matter that Andrea and Kyle, and Andrew, all live far away.  We still ponder and pray every day about their lives and what impacts them.

Here at home, though, we are the most affected by how changes in life hit Aaron.  Trust me, the word “hit” is appropriate when speaking of Aaron and change.  Sometimes Gary and I don’t quite know what hit us when change hits Aaron.

Aaron has handled COVID issues very well, for the most part.  He’s still thoroughly sick of it, pardon the pun.  Yet he wears his mask well in public and has adjusted to this new way of living much better than some I know.  I’m very proud of him for that.

His day group opened the first part of July and things have gone well until recently, when several clients tested positive for the virus.  The day center has been closed now for over two weeks.  Aaron doesn’t mind that one bit because he loves staying home.  Our quarantine is over, and he and we are fine, but the center is still closed.

We’ve still been able to enjoy walks outside, exploring some new areas and appreciating the familiar ones.

Petting Moe, our neighbor’s cat:

And loving some time on our friend’s farm:

Besides all the COVID stuff going on, we’ve also had personal changes in our life.  Gary retired this past summer and we wondered how that would affect Aaron, but he’s adjusted beautifully and really enjoys having Gary home all the time.  I mean, now Aaron has another set of ears to listen to all his talk…and what’s not to like about that?!

We’ve had more remodeling done, including…and MOST importantly…Aaron’s room.  Aaron struggled with moving into his brother’s old bedroom.  He oversaw Gary and I as we moved his desk and computer to its new and temporary location, complaining like an old man about it…hovering and huffing a LOT!  He soon realized that his desk chair didn’t move so well on the new hard floor with no carpet, so he bemoaned the fact that his carpet was soon to be a thing of the past.  He tried to urge Luke and Noah, our remodeling team, to NOT take out his carpet but to no avail.  He also spoke to them about all the noise they were making and to please NOT turn off the electricity again!! 

He is now back in his own bedroom, with the hard floor and with his furniture rearranged.  Hey, if we’re pushing Aaron to adjust why not try even MORE new things, right?!  He’s just happy to be in his own bed again and in his own room, so this further stretch for him is being tolerated well.

Success!

Except for our latest change.  Gary and I are taking Aaron with us on a trip back east.  We’re going to Gary’s hometown in the Smoky Mountains of North Carolina to help his sister after her knee replacement surgery.  AND…we’re taking Aaron with us.

Aaron would rather stay home, in his own house and his own room, even though we did put that hard floor in there!

Aaron loves Aunt Sandra and will talk her ear off on the phone, but Aaron loves being home even more.  It’s been a push to get him to settle down about this grand plan of traveling again.  Gary and I have had to be firm.  I’ve told Sandra to put on her thick skin. 

Aaron wanted to talk to Barb, Paradigm manager and Aaron’s second mom, about all this trip business.  She facetimed with him yesterday and it was so sweet.  She helped tremendously!  We may be doing that again from North Carolina!

We leave in the morning.  Our vehicle will be full of Aaron’s CD’s, DVD’s, blanket, pillow, books, food, drinks, his computer, Nintendo and games, and his stuffed snake. 

He is comforted in knowing that tomorrow night we will stop to stay in a hotel and best of all, we will eat out in a real restaurant. 

Gary and I would be comforted in knowing that as you think of us, you would pray for safety…for Sandra’s knee surgery to go well…and for Aaron to have a great time and to be happy. 

We hope to see lots of happy smiles just like this!  Thank you for praying!

Just Trying to Care

Aaron has recently been fixated on planets and stars and space and seeing pictures of all the above.  And when I say fixated, I am not speaking of a casual interest on Aaron’s part.  Aaron latches on to his current fixation like a tick on a dog.  He does not let go easily, and nothing deters him from researching every little minute detail of said fixation. 

He loves to include us in his latest quest for information, which means two things.  First, we must often look up something on the internet with him that he just MUST share.  Google is our friend.

Second, we must listen to Aaron talk and talk and talk and talk some more about all the facts he has learned.  He just knows that we will be as dumbfounded as he is about his latest find.

He really, really wants us to care as much as he cares.

Yesterday evening, then, found Aaron and I sitting on the couch together listening to Louie Giglio’s famous video, Indescribable.  It wasn’t AS full of planets and stars as he wanted, but it did contain some sounds from outer space that Aaron loved.  Aaron was particularly interested in the sounds that planets and stars make, so he was very happy to hear that part of Giglio’s sermon. 

All in all, the video was a wonderful reminder of God’s astounding creation of the universe.  Aaron and I both loved all the breathtaking pictures of stars and galaxies. 

After we were finished, I was in the kitchen lowering the blinds when I hit my elbow on the back of a chair.  I didn’t just hit my elbow.  I whacked it good!  The pain shot down my arm as I grabbed my elbow and bent over.  Aaron, who was standing nearby talking, kept talking until he noticed my obvious pain.  Then he wanted to know what had happened, in detail.

I didn’t want to talk.  I wanted to be left alone until the pain stopped.  So I briefly answered Aaron’s question about my elbow and moved to another room. 

“Mom!!” Aaron exclaimed, “you act like you don’t want me to talk!  I’m just trying to care!”

Well, that stopped me in my tracks.  I removed the arrow from my heart as I walked back to Aaron and thanked him for caring.  I tried to explain how the pain made me not want to talk as I let him know that I appreciated his concern.

This morning I continued reading slowly through the Psalm I am studying…Psalm 8.    The verses I was to read today were these:

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have ordained;

What is man that You take thought of Him, and the son of man that You care for him?   (Psalm 8:3-4)

These verses fit perfectly with all our talk here lately about space and planets and stars.  Well, Aaron’s talk about space and planets and stars.  Gary and I primarily listen.

Anyway, I just sat and looked at verse 4.  Who am I, God, that you care for me? 

And I thought of Aaron’s comment from the night before as I got irritated because of my pain. 

“I’m just trying to care!”

In my pain, I didn’t want to listen to Aaron…but he was trying to care.

It hurt him for me to not recognize that.

And I also thought of God and how much He cares.  God…Who created all the vast universe…cares about me? 

Yes, He does. 

I love that thought on most days, but when life isn’t going as I want…when I am in pain because of situations that hurt…I sometimes don’t exactly want to listen to God.

But then I hear God speak in verses like I read this morning and I am stopped in my tracks.  Humbled.  And so very thankful.

Like David, when I compare myself to the vastness of the far reaches of our universe, I am insignificant…a mere tiny speck.  But God cares…for me?

I love what Dale Davis says: “Only the condescension of God can hold together astronomical vastness and individual concern.”

God condescends in order to hold together His vast universe, but He also condescends to me out of His care for me.  God loves me.  ME!  I don’t know and can’t explain why He loves me, but I know that He does. 

Who am I that God would love me?   Why does God care?

Davis again says: “Why should a mere speck of dust on the light years of God’s calendar matter to Him?  David at least has no doubt that he does matter; he’s just baffled to bits over why.  When he says, ‘What is man?’, he is not asking a question but making an exclamation – he is really saying, ‘What a God!’  He is not posing a mental teaser; he is engaging in breathless praise.”

I didn’t want to talk to Aaron when I was in pain.  Likewise, I often don’t want to hear from or talk to God when my heart hurts, when life isn’t fair, when my world crumbles.

But He doesn’t quit caring.  And I know that He has a purpose for my pain…a purpose that is for my good in the long run. 

So may I, even through pain, give breathless praise to God for His thoughts of me and His care for me. 

God’s Work of Art

He Said What?!

I love how Gary stops to enjoy the world around him.  Sometimes I may not quite agree with it, like when he found a huge Orb Weaving Spider on the back of our patio chair recently and instead of killing it, he placed it gingerly in our flower bed.  You who know my fear of spiders will also know that I am now avoiding that flower bed, or am stalking around it carefully like an NCIS agent at a crime scene. 

I wasn’t at all surprised this past Sunday afternoon to walk out in our garage and find a Cicada, a poor dead Cicada, laying on Gary’s work bench.  I knew that Gary had placed it there for me and for Aaron to see.  I didn’t even have to ask.  I paused to look at it, which prompted Gary to tell me about the Praying Mantis he had rescued from…

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Aaron’s Talking Points #10

More of Aaron’s funny comments collected over the years. Enjoy!

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First initial report from Aaron about the circus: There were not a lot of clowns so that was boring. The elephants pooped in a bucket and that was NOT boring.

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Aaron, walking through the family room: “I’m going to use the bathroom. Do you think that’s a good idea?”

Why does it even matter what I think on that subject?

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Aaron has a hard time getting family relationships correct. Brother and sister, mom and dad – he’s usually good with those, although not always 100%. Aunts and uncles – I think he just calls them by those titles but he doesn’t really fathom their connection to mom and dad. And just forget cousins.

Now that Andrea and Kyle are getting married, Aaron has really struggled – in more ways than one – with this new relationship and how it will impact him. He feels like he’ll lose Andrea – that she won’t be his sister anymore. We’ve told him over and over that Kyle will be his new brother (brother-in-law, to be exact, though that confuses Aaron). And that Andrea will still be his sister.

So today he was telling our friend, Casady, that he does NOT want Kyle to marry Andrea. His reason, in his words:

“I don’t want to be a Grandbrother!!

That’s a new one! The family tree just got even more interesting. 🤣🤔

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Aaron’s been asking a million questions this morning. I’m a little phased out at this point, so I’m giving the standard answer of, “Hmmmm.” This doesn’t sit well with Aaron, so he challenged me about not answering him well.

Aaron: What do you keep saying?

Me: When?

Aaron: Every time I talk to you.

Me: Hmmmm.

Aaron just gave a big sigh and walked away. Maybe I’m on to something. 😁

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Aaron told us that he thought one of his staff was pregnant with her second child. This fascinates him. Today when I dropped him off for his group, this staff was driving. Aaron asked her if it’s true that she’s pregnant and she said yes. So he excitedly replied, “So you’re going to do another baby?!” He does have a way with words!

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Aaron was watching the news last night when on came a story of the Pope at an Easter gathering. Aaron leaned forward on the floor where he sat, taking in all the scenes of the Pope. Finally Aaron was done and as he gathered up his things off the floor, he said, “That pastor dresses funny. I’ve never seen a pastor dress THAT way!!” Can you tell we’re not Catholic?

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Another topic that Aaron talked about yesterday: clowns. He wonders if a clown wears that same kind of make-up that I do. O.K., now he’s gone too far!

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Aaron has talked and talked and talked and talked and talked…..you get the idea……about an alien picture that he saw. Earlier, he said that the alien was pink. But knowing that he is color blind, and that to him pink is sometimes really blue, I foolishly told him that maybe the alien is really blue. This statement that I made without thinking resulted in me having to stand in his room at his computer, observing the mutant alien on a very small picture. Was he pink? Well, sort of. But I could also see a tinge of blue. Hmmmmm……

Me: Aaron, I think he’s a pinkish blue.

Aaron: Pinkish blue?

Me: Yes. A little pink and a little blue.

Silly me. This pinkish blue business is just a bit much to comprehend in Aaron’s black and white…..it’s either all pink or all blue…..world.

So a few minutes ago, Aaron stood behind me at my computer, trying to figure out once and for all what color the alien really is.

Aaron: Mom, pinkish blue.

Me: Mmmmmm. (Not really paying much attention…..brain is numbing).

Aaron: Pinkish blue. That’s like pink and blue are connected.

A good laugh woke my brain right up! I think Aaron gets pinkish blue now!

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Our sweet caregivers, brother and sister long-time friends of ours, came over Sunday to go over some things before we leave for Houston. So this morning I had this conversation with observant Aaron:

Aaron: Mom, H. looks weird.

Me: She most certainly does NOT look weird!

Aaron: I think she looks weird.

Me: Why on earth do you think she looks weird?

Aaron: Well…..she’s skinny.

Obviously, Aaron is very unaccustomed to skinny here at our house. And trust me, this is his version of a compliment. I’ve already warned H. about her upcoming compliment, too, because I strongly suspect that he will share it with her as soon as she walks in the door tomorrow.

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Same song, second verse.

Aaron: “The movie 2012 is 159 minutes long.”

Me: “So it’s about 2 1/2 hours long.”

Aaron: “No. It’s 2 hours and 39 minutes long!”

 Silly me!! We must be precise!

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A few weeks ago, when Aaron had a respiratory virus and sore throat, he had some observations, as always.

“Mom, every time I blow my nose it comes BACK to my nose!!” 😝🤢

Then he started running a slight fever, complete with some chills.

“Mom, why do I feel cold? Is it because my body isn’t at its warming temperature?” 😃

So today during Wheel of Fortune, he took a chill and then laughed and laughed at the goose bumps on his legs.

“MOM!! LOOK!! Those are bumps to being cold!!” 😅😅

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Aaron: So are we going to watch an NCIS?

Me: Sure!

Aaron: Will it be 9:00, or 8:55?

Let me think about that, Aaron. 🤔🕘🙃

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Aaron held up a Snickers bar at Wal-Mart: “Mom, this is the kind of candy bar my friend likes! But what’s that stretchy stuff in the middle?” Uh, I’m hoping you’re talking about the caramel, Aaron.

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Aaron’s had a very hard time waking up in the mornings. When I have to keep talking to him or shaking his leg to get him awake, then he becomes angry. It’s not a good start to our day, so today I decided to improve the situation by offering him a stop at McDonald’s for a sausage biscuit. It worked!

After our biscuits, as we drove to Paradigm, Aaron’s eyes were still heavy and he was unusually quiet. We were listening to The Beach Boys.

“…I wish they all could be California girrrrls…”

Suddenly Aaron started chuckling and then outright laughing.

“What’s so funny?” I asked him.

“They’re singing about BIG California girls!!” 😂😂

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Aaron, talking about all the places he went today with Amy:

“Mom! We went to that store that has all that stuff that smells! We got Barb some of that smelly good smell stuff!”

I want some!!

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One of many observations that Aaron is making as he works his way through the movie, Titanic:

“The accent of those people on that ship. They sound like Europe!” 😁😁

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Aaron wasn’t out of bed for 60 seconds before he was standing beside me, talking about barnacles.

Yes. Barnacles.

His current focus is The Titanic, and the barnacles covering the wreckage have totally captured his attention…and therefore, ours.

I just googled Barnacles. I have learned more than ever about barnacles. Go ahead. Ask me a question about barnacles. And if I cannot answer your question, I’ll have Aaron call you. So leave me your number when asking questions. You and Aaron can talk for hours about barnacles. Trust me. HOURS!!

Doing so will provide me with very beneficial mental health assistance, too. Think of how happy that will make you feel, my dear friends and family!

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Well, that’s enough of Aaron this time.  Thanks for reading.  You may leave your phone numbers in the comments for that call from Aaron. 

Just kidding!!  😊  😊

Have a great weekend!

The Surprise

We each have our own situations that God has put, just so, in our lives. As we stand and look at whatever that is, we must choose whether to accept God’s placement in our garden or to spend our life hating it.

He Said What?!

I was walking through our vegetable garden one day in early summer, looking at the pretty little plants growing so nicely where Gary and I had placed them.  There was the summer squash on the front row, along with some zucchini.  The tomatoes were already inside their tomato cages that Gary had put up, and behind them were our okra plants.  Cucumbers were on the side of the garden near the tall oak tree.  We have a simple garden this year, not as full as it sometimes is, but enough for us and hopefully some to share with others.

Everything was where it should be, growing as we had hoped at this point, with no visible bugs or other problems that I could see. Weeds hadn’t started taking over yet, either, so I felt content as I turned to leave the garden.

But wait.  What was this?

I stopped between…

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Looking Back

Twelve years ago, our daughter was getting ready to graduate from college with a health sciences degree.  She wasn’t sure of what she should do after graduation, so a friend who had already walked that path told her to get her EMT license and work in an emergency room in order to gain some experience and some insight into the medical field.  She got her EMT license during her senior year of college. 

Shortly before our daughter’s graduation, my friend and I were at Sam’s Club shopping for a big church dinner.  We were standing at the cooler choosing heads of lettuce when another shopper joined us.  This other shopper was a caterer, and soon the three of us were talking away.  We found out as we chatted that she had a grandson with autism.  I told her about our Aaron, and off we went sharing some similar concerns.  I had noticed that this woman was wearing a work shirt from one of our large local hospitals, and embroidered on the front were the words, “ER Services.” 

I told her how my daughter sure would love to work at that ER and that she planned to apply soon.  This woman took out some paper as she asked me what Andrea’s name was.  She then gave me a phone number for Andrea to call as well as the woman’s name that Andrea should speak to.  When Andrea was able to call some time later, this woman said, “Oh yes, Andrea.  I have your file here on my desk.”  Andrea was so surprised!  “What file?” she thought.  Seems the woman I had met talked to this person and they started a file before even talking to Andrea.  It was amazing!  Andrea interviewed and got the job right away.

As time went on and several years passed, Andrea had gained much experience at that job as well as two others before being accepted into grad school.  She was finally sure that molecular biology/genetics was where she wanted to focus.  But it was easy to wonder if all the time and energy devoted to the ER and a doctor’s office was a waste.  But since that time, she has seen over and over that her clinical experience gave her advantages and opened doors that she never realized would happen. 

As believers and followers of Christ, we know that if we are walking in obedience to the Lord then nothing is a waste.  We know in our head that “ALL things work together for good.”  But sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of that promise when the steps we’re taking are uncertain and even painful.  What we know in our head often doesn’t reach our hearts very easily. 

I liken it to looking ahead as we walk but seeing no clear path.  It reminds me of our walkway in our back yard.  In one direction there is no path.

But when I look behind me, I see how the bricks were carefully laid to make a clear walkway.

 We put one foot in front of the other as we launch out into the unknown.  Really, each new day is unknown to us.  We have no idea what will happen to us in any given day.  What is important is to walk in obedience to God as we trust Him to open and shut doors.

As the days and the years pass by, we too can look behind us and see how all things fit together in our life to make a beautiful pattern.  Each piece fits just where God meant it to fit.

But sometimes the beauty comes as a result of great pain.  God’s purposes are often more fully accomplished through suffering. 

In Acts 23, the Apostle Paul was arrested for preaching the gospel.  Through a series of events he was transferred from Jerusalem to Caesarea, and from there to Rome.  All along the journey, Paul was able to preach the gospel to the highest levels of government.  A normal missionary journey would probably not have opened those doors, but Paul’s suffering and imprisonment did provide the opening for sharing the gospel in ways unthought of and unplanned by Paul. 

D.L. Bock writes about how this incident in Paul’s life was rooted in God’s providence.  But he adds that providence does not always mean physical rescue.  “It is one of the mysteries of providence that many times we cannot see why things are happening as they are.  Yet God is surely at work in ways that we could not have planned for ourselves.”

May each of us, as we find ourselves at the end of our known and seen path…as we get ready to walk into the uncharted areas of life…fully trust that God knows best.

            If we could push ajar the gates of life,

            And stand within, and all God’s working see,

            We might interpret all this doubt and strife,

            And for each mystery could find a key.

            But not today.  Then be content poor heart;

            God’s plans, like lilies pure and white, unfold.

            We must not tear the close-shut leaves, apart –

            Time will reveal the calyxes of gold.

            And when, through patient toil, we reach the land

            Where tired feet, with sandals loosed, may rest,

            There we shall truly know and understand,

            And there shall gladly say, ‘Our God knows best.’  (Anon.)

Hurricane Report

I wanted to give a quick update to my blogging friends about Hurricane Laura’s impact on our daughter and son-in-law in Texas.  Some of you have asked, and most of you don’t see my Facebook posts, so I realized I shouldn’t leave you wondering.  😊

Our son-in-law, Kyle, works on a fast responder ship out of Galveston.  He went to the ship on Tuesday and was told that he needed to go home to grab some essentials and then return immediately to the ship.  He thought he would have one more day at home but fast approaching weather changed all that. 

Gary (my husband) and I worked quickly to finish emptying Aaron’s bedroom since his remodeling was starting on Thursday.  And by early Tuesday  afternoon, Gary was on a plane bound for Houston.  That evening he was the star of the show for our three adorable grand-dogs. 

On Wednesday, Andrea and Gary worked hard to board up what windows they could on the house.  Kyle was, by that time, up in one of the shipping channels waiting to ride out the storm in a place much safer for a ship than the port.  We were just praying it was also a safe place for Kyle and the other crew members.

All of you know by now that the hurricane went to the east of Houston.  We are so thankful that Kyle and Andrea, Kyle’s parents and other family members, and friends in Houston are all safe.  Our hearts go out to those in northeast Texas, in Louisiana, and elsewhere that have been devastated by Hurricane Laura.  They are in our prayers.

Gary flew safely home yesterday.  He was off immediately to Med Express to have a possible bug bite and infection checked on his leg.  An antibiotic will hopefully help clear it up in no time. 

Aaron is glad that Dad is home but not glad that he must now share talking time with someone else, and that Dad and Mom want to talk about Kyle and Andrea more than we do about Aaron. 

Same song…and I totally lost count of what verse we are on at the moment!

 I walked into the kitchen when Gary returned from seeing the doctor and look what was on the table.

I am so blessed to have a husband who shows me that he loves me. 

And doubly blessed that he is still a loving Dad to our grown children, doing whatever it takes to help them when it’s needed.

Thank you, all of you, who prayed for us during the hurricane – especially praying for Kyle and Andrea, Gary, and all the others in the hurricane’s path.  Your care and friendship, even if we have never met, is another gift for which I am deeply grateful. 

In the Eye of the Storm

Life has been pretty tempestuous and I’m not just talking about a whirling mess out in the Gulf by the name of Laura.  We’ve had our own commotion under our roof.  Hurricane Aaron has been building for several days and the other night we were inundated with his storm surge.  Honestly, though, my outburst was stronger than his by a long shot!

Ah, the wonders and joys of autism.  Aaron wants…needs…routine and predictability and all his things in all their proper places.  Upheaval of any kind creates stress for him, and stress for Aaron inevitably creates stress for Gary and me as his parents and caregivers. 

The stresses around us that cause us angst do affect him because his level world is easily tipped by what Gary and I are going through.  Aaron expects us to stay as level as he needs us to be, but we all know that life just isn’t that way.

When Aaron sees Gary and me off kilter, he will then seek to identify what is bothering us.  Then that person or that event becomes the enemy because they have affected him.  Aaron doesn’t mean to be narcissistic.  That delightful character trait is part and parcel with autism.  We know that fact in our heads but sometimes the understanding doesn’t transfer to our hearts during the turmoil.

Several events have impacted us over this past week.  A hoped-for trip to Indiana to see our son didn’t happen.  Disappointment over changed plans crept in.

Then last week we grieved with our daughter and son-in-law, Kyle and Andrea, over the sudden serious health issues of one of their beloved dogs.  Aries started having seizures.  The next week was heart-rending as he declined drastically.  So, this past Friday they made that awful end-of-life decision.  Gary and I were so sad, but I also think that seeing our children’s grief increased our own.  We loved Aries, and we love Kyle and Andrea, so our sorrow was two-fold. 

This is the prayer Kyle prayed the night they said goodbye to Aries:

Aaron really can’t handle seeing us cry but try as we might he did see our tears over the loss of Aries.  We now had the double whammy of changed trip plans and heartbreak over Aries.

However, we were only halfway done with disruptions.  Out in the ocean, Tropical Storm Laura was brewing.  Kyle and Andrea live to the east of Houston, near the water.  Kyle works on a fast responder ship, and those huge vessels don’t stay in the harbor during a hurricane.  Fast forward to today:  Kyle is now on the ship up in one of the channels and will stay there indefinitely.  Andrea is home alone with their other 3 doggies.  She knows she is welcome to go to Kyle’s parent’s home a little further inland but it’s not best to leave your home if you can possibly stay.  So, Gary flew to Houston yesterday and is there with her, which is such a comfort.  His retirement a month ago is a blessing!

Aaron senses our concern about all this hurricane business.  He usually likes to watch the progress of hurricanes, but not this time.  Why?  Because Gary and I are spending too much time, in Aaron’s opinion, monitoring Hurricane Laura…wondering about Kyle and Andrea…planning Gary’s sudden trip…and talking on the phone.  No matter how calm we are, all this time and talk is unusual to Aaron.  Sometimes it takes time away from Aaron. 

On Monday evening, as I finished looking once again at the Weather Channel, Aaron became rude and I became undone.  I lost my temper and lost my cool, and Aaron reacted, and we had our own tempest in the family room.  These things do happen, especially when we are stressed, but then the tension and guilt are increased.  It takes some doing to un-do it all. 

Aaron paced in and out of the family room where I still sat.  We tried to watch a Little House episode but he just could not settle down so he chose to end it and go to bed.  But he kept coming back to me with one more word of anger.  Then he finally stood in front of me.

“I know what I’ll do!!” he belligerently said.

And with that, he stuck his tongue out at me. 

I tell you, I just had to laugh.  He didn’t mean for it to be hilarious, but it was.  I kept my laugh to a minimum and somehow he didn’t get more angry, but it was just really funny.  

I knew when Aaron was finally OK by what happened soon after.  He came bounding once again into the family room, stared at me, and then said:

“Mom?  Do you know what a sea mine is?”

A sea mine?!  But I was actually quite relieved to be talking about sea mines.  Aaron is playing Battleship on his computer, so talk of sea mines was perfectly normal for him.  It showed that he had at last moved beyond our anger and beyond the unsettled surroundings of his world, and he was back to his normal.  I didn’t care one bit about sea mines but trust me, at this point sea mines were a very welcome reprieve!

Aaron’s normal rarely involves human emotion or important life events that impact us.  These issues cause him distress, so he quickly reverts to talk of battleships and sea mines and gun turrets and whatever else comprises his focus at that time.  Gary and I so often shake our heads, but we know we must jump on board with Aaron in order to preserve our peace.  It’s both very frustrating and very fascinating to see how his mind works. 

There is one more thing going on.  Aaron’s bedroom remodel begins tomorrow.  Gary and I had to empty it before Gary left for Houston.  That caused some anxiety, to say the least.  But beyond that is the fact that now Aaron is in another bedroom where all his things are NOT in their normal place. 

“Mom!!  This bed isn’t like my bed!!”

“Mom!!  I like my lamp better!!”

“Mom!!  I don’t like this hard floor!!” 

“Mom!!  I hope I’m not getting a hard floor!!”

“Mom!!  I want to keep my carpet!!”

“Mom!!  My chair doesn’t work right on this hard floor!!”

Shall I continue?

No.  But Aaron will, trust me.

I took Aaron to Outback yesterday after we dropped Gary off at the airport.  Aaron was in his happy place…a restaurant with his choice of food!  As we munched on the warm bread and butter, Aaron looked down at the two pieces left on the cutting board.

“Mom,” he said, “you can have this one and I’ll have the other one.”

I laughed because the one he generously gave to me was the much smaller piece while he got the bigger one.  And it just reminded me of how life is with Aaron.  He doesn’t mean to be this way, but he does require the bigger part of our time and of our understanding and of our attention. 

Therefore, Gary and I require a bigger part of God’s grace and God’s understanding and God’s strength on days such as we have had this past week. 

And God’s forgiveness when we blow it. 

I’m so thankful that He understands.

And I was so thankful to see Aaron smile yesterday as I was able to restore some of his normal.  It’s my responsibility, yes, but also my joy as his mother and his caregiver.

By the way, in the eye of the storm there is peace.  God’s peace, which never fails, is there for me. 

I’m thankful for that, too, during each storm!

Waiting On…?

Aaron is a very impatient “waiter.”  Not a “waiter” as in serving us but waiting as in wanting me to do something…NOW!  We often see this attitude in the evenings. That’s because every evening he and I watch a show.  Lately, it’s Little House on the Prairie.  Anyway, here is how the evening may very well go:

Aaron:  Mom, what time are we watching Little House on the Prairie?

Me:  Let’s watch it at 8:45.

Aaron:  8:45?

Me:  Yes.

Aaron:  OK!

But before long he will more than likely come back downstairs to find me.

Aaron:  Mom, let’s just watch it now!

Me:  No.  We’ll watch it at 8:45.

Aaron:  WHY??!!

Me:  Because I have some things to do and 8:45 is a good time for us to watch it.

Aaron:  But I want to watch it NOW!!

Sometimes Aaron can be appeased and convinced that 8:45 will come before he knows it.  Other times, however, he becomes frustrated and angry.  The waiting game is anything BUT a game at that point, for either of us. 

Sigh.

When we do sit down to the opening music of our program, Aaron is content.  He has his snacks beside him, his blanket over him, and all is well.  But it’s only well because he was waiting on an event that finally happened.

How I wish that he would transfer his waiting focus on me.  I wish he would trust ME to do what I said I would do and then rest in that fact instead of resting on actually beginning his show, with his snacks and his routine in place.

In my spiritual life, this is a lesson I am forever needing to refine. 

I find myself waiting on a “what” instead of waiting on “Who.”

Waiting on some prayed-for event instead of waiting on the One Who will bring the events in my life to pass as He sees best.

Do you ever pray for something to the point that the “something” you’re praying for becomes your focus?  I sure do. 

And that “something” is probably a very good thing.  But here’s the thing…I don’t know God’s mind about my “something” so I need to stop focusing on the event…the request…and focus instead on the One to Whom I am asking to fulfill that event.

Last night my focus became blurry, so I got out of bed and went quietly into the bedroom where I have my quiet-time desk. 

The word “wait” was on my mind.  I ended up in Psalm 25:4-5:

“Make me know Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths.  Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait all the day.”

God’s ways and His paths in this verse actually refer to God’s providence and to how God operates…how He deals with His people.  God doesn’t just want us to know His commands and requirements, but He wants us to know HIM. 

Dale Davis points out in his book In the Presence of My Enemies that God wants us to know more than His demands of us.  God wants us to know how He deals with us. 

And how does God deal with us, His children?  He leads us in His truth, which is better translated “in your faithfulness.” 

“So he seems to be praying that Yahweh will teach him how He is working in his case (v. 4) and to let him experience His faithfulness (v.5) as he goes on.”  (Davis)

Another nugget?  The Hebrew word for “wait” carries with it the idea of being entwined.  As I thought about this, I imagined myself knowing and trusting God so much that I, in a sense, am entwined with Him.  I am so wrapped up in God’s kind character and in His love that I rest in Him, not in my desires being fulfilled. 

The end of that passage says, “…for You I wait all the day.” 

Yes, our petitions are important.  Yes, God wants us to ask things of Him. 

But he also so often wants us to wait…patiently…while He works and while He shows us in that working His faithfulness and His love. 

God wants us to get to know Him better and in that knowing, to trust Him more.

May I not base my happiness on things to be as I want them to be.   

May I not wait for the event to occur before I am satisfied.    

May I instead wait on God..focus on God…and in that waiting, learn to trust Him and enjoy HIM more than the thing for which I am praying.