Home For Easter

I met Atha at our church one Sunday morning.  She and her husband were visiting for the first time.  A friend made it a point to introduce us after she found out that Atha had a wealth of education and experience with special needs individuals.  And since our adult son has special needs, this friend just knew I needed to meet Atha.

And did I ever need to meet Atha!  We instantly clicked that morning.  Plans were made to meet later that week for a coke and conversation.  We became fast friends.  

Our friendship was about so much more than special needs.  We shared deep conversations and spiritual fellowship mixed with loads of laughter.  Our families became friends as we shared meals together and celebrated life events.  We walked with each other through deep waters and shed tears for our own and each other’s heartaches.  I don’t even know how many times Scott and Atha showed up at our door with encouragement and a pie.  Pie made everything better!

Atha had a stroke near the end of 2015.  She was sent to rehab after a hospital stay, but recovery was slow due to other health issues.  I went to see her one day and got to her room just as she was being wheeled out to a waiting ambulance.  She was taken to the hospital.  

I would visit her and read to her from the Psalms.  She couldn’t talk much but she would smile as best she could and nod her approval as God’s word soothed her heart. 

I was shopping not long after Atha’s hospitalization when my phone rang.  Atha’s daughter told me that Atha was being placed on end-of-life care.  I thought I must not be understanding the message correctly, but I wasn’t.  We sat with the family, crying, laughing as Atha would have wanted, and saying our goodbyes.

I woke up on Easter Sunday and looked outside at a late season snow.  And I got the call from Atha’s son.  She was in heaven.

What a beautiful day it was for Atha to take her last breath!

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As I stood by her bed later and held her lifeless hand, I knew that she was, in reality, full of life.  

Because of Easter I knew that death was not the victor here.  Jesus defeated death and rose again.  That’s what we were celebrating on that Easter Sunday.

Through my tears, I knew that I would see Atha again because of Jesus’ resurrection.  Death holds no sting and the grave holds no victory!  

Atha never got to go home after her stroke but now she was in the best home, safe and healed.  

Home for Easter because of Easter.

Clinging

I stepped outside yesterday morning to snap a picture of our beautiful sunrise.  I turned to walk back inside when it hit me that there was something else I needed to see and to think about.

I mean, I have seen this sight many times this winter, but it was like God was telling me to REALLY see it.

There, up in our big old pin oak, are squirrel’s nests.  It’s amazing that they can cling to those branches through all the wind, rain, storms, and snow.  

We don’t see those nests in the summer, but when all the leaves are gone, we see them clearly.

A couple weeks ago I was wearily getting ready for bed at the end of a long day.  Aaron’s behaviors that day had depleted me.  Future decisions we need to make for him were weighing on me. Other deep concerns pulled at my emotions.  Soon tears blurred my vision.

Those who have walked with God for a long time will know what I mean when I say that He spoke to my heart right then.  He reminded me of the many times in the past when I felt broken and how He told me to go to my Bible and look at what He had to say to me right then and there.

“Silly me,” I thought.  “Why haven’t I done that in a while?”

Laying there on my desk was my Bible, open to where I had been studying in the book of Joshua.  I looked down and this is the verse that I instantly saw:

“But you are to cling to the Lord your God, as you have done to this day.”   (Joshua 23:8)

I just sat down and cried, this time with thankful tears for this simple yet profound reminder from God.

“Just cling to Me, Patty,” God said, “as you have done for all these years to this day.”

Such simple words but so impacting to me.

I’m no longer young.  I’ve walked with the Lord for a long time and oh, the many verses I have marked with the dates God gave them to me.  Times of trials that led to trust as God spoke to me through His word.

This time in my life is no different than all the other times that God has led and strengthened and sustained me.  

It’s like the squirrel’s nests that we can see when all the leaves are gone.

When the trappings of our lives are gone, what is seen?

When we are slammed with huge decisions, disappointment, a scary and unexpected diagnosis, a wayward child, an uncertain future, betrayal…whatever it is…

Will we cling to God like the squirrel’s nests clinging to the pin oak branches?

Will our trust be clear to us and to others even through our pain and our tears?

I now have “February 2026, Aaron,”  written beside Joshua 23:8.

And I’m working on clinging to God like a squirrel’s nest in the branches. 

The Thanks I Get?

Yesterday Aaron and I delivered roses to his day group friends at Paradigm.  Our local Dillon’s store and our sweet friend Jody organize this special treat every year. The smiles and excitement are so much fun to see.  

Last night Aaron was cleaning out the bag he takes to Paradigm.  He came running into the kitchen holding…something.

“MOM!” he excitedly said, “this is for you!”

He held out…this.

“Victoria wanted me to give you this to say thanks for the rose today!” he explained.

It was so hard not to laugh.  

This…was an old, mangled, broken candy cane, complete with food crumbs stuck in the open spots.

Now, I know Aaron and I know with a fair degree of certainty that Victoria did NOT send me that worn out candy cane.  Aaron found it in the bottom of his messy bag and impulsively came up with what he thought was a solid story whereupon he could gift me with…this. 

Aaron’s love language is giving gifts.  

He just needs a little work sometimes on the choice of gifts he gives.

We’ve been having some rough times with Aaron.  He’s been struggling with some things that make him respond with anger toward us.  

A trait of autism is a focus on oneself because they want their world to operate in the order that gives them peace.  Interruptions to that order can cause lots of anger, taken out on me and Gary at home.

Then there’s the care that Aaron requires on so many levels, care that often ties us down and intrudes upon the way we sometimes want OUR world to go.

I’m not complaining and I hope I don’t sound selfish.  These are just the facts.  Parents of children are caregivers, and having our adult Aaron still with us is like having a child still at home.  Special needs then compound the situation a lot!

It’s easy to get mired down in the daily and to feel like all I do for Aaron is unrecognized by him, which is often true.  

Like I’m left holding onto more broken when I’ve had enough, thank you.

But one morning I was especially encouraged when I read the words of Nehemiah 5:19:

“Remember me with favor, O my God, for all that I have done for this people.”

Caregiving is so often self-sacrificing, but it’s a walk of life that honors God.  I don’t always have the right attitude, and I have anger issues sometimes, too.  

Yet so many times, during the mundane or dirty work, when I am tired and feeling very unappreciated, I remember that I am remembered. 

I am remembered by God.  He sees me.  

And everything I do, I really am to do for Him.

There are many of us working day after day after day to care for someone in our lives.  We are not on a public stage, sought after and held in high esteem.

But we are noticed by God, whom Hebrews tells us will not forget our work and labor of love we have shown for Him by helping His people.

And this…this is a promise I can hold on to when the serving is hard.  

It’s like the biggest and best thanks ever!

A Little Rock and Our Big God

I have a story to tell of the sweetest thing God did one recent very cold January day.

My son-in-law’s mother, Marie, came to visit my daughter and son-in-law for a long weekend.  She arrived on Friday, and late that night it hit me that Marie’s birthday was only a few days away.  

My friend Joyce and I were taking a day trip that next day to Lindsborg, a quaint little Swedish town not far away.  As I got ready for bed that Friday night, I felt a strong urge and excitement about finding Marie a birthday gift in Lindsborg.  I prayed as I went to bed, asking God to let me find just the right gift for Marie.

You see, Marie’s husband is fighting pancreatic cancer.  The last six months have been brutal for Kent and Marie in all the ways you can imagine.  I wanted this gift that God laid on my heart to be a special encouragement to Marie.

Joyce and I walked in shop after shop but there was nothing that jumped out at me as just the right gift for Marie.  Finally, in a fair-trade shop, Joyce and I found a little table with baskets full of polished rocks shaped like hearts and painted various colors.

In one basket were stones that had a word on one side and then a little saying on the other side.  I was drawn to them, but as I examined the selection I didn’t find anything that I felt was for Marie.  I didn’t know what word would be for Marie, honestly, but I knew that none of those words were right.

Joyce said that maybe there were more rocks in the back of the store, and I said that I doubted it.  I was ready to walk away but Joyce was already talking to the clerk at the counter, who said that she could etch any word onto one of the blank stones that were in another basket.  

I was very surprised!  

“So, what word would you want?” Joyce asked.

I hadn’t had time to even think about that when suddenly, in a flash, I knew.

“Courage,” I answered.  

“And on the other side of the rock, Joshua 1:9,” I continued as I looked up the reference to be certain.  

“Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous!  Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Oh, what a precious promise!  

I walked out of the store with that little rock in a cute box with a pretty ribbon, praising God for how He put all this together.

But God wasn’t done yet.

In the next store, as we browsed the shelves, Joyce excitedly walked up to me.

“Patty, look at this!” she excitedly said.

She held out a beautiful journal.  This is the cover.

What a tender touch from God!

I could hardly wait for the next day to come when I could give Marie these simple gifts and tell her the story of how God reached down to show me and Marie both that He cares about every little detail of our lives.

If God cares so much about a rock and a journal for Marie, I have every assurance that He cares about this path that Kent and Marie are walking.  

He cares about THEM and He has a reason for the big things they’re facing.  

And that little rock has shown over and over that we have a big God.

Kent and Marie

It’s A Matter of Time

On a recent Saturday afternoon, Gary and I were getting ready to attend an anniversary celebration for some dear friends.  Aaron was not one bit happy that we were leaving.  Who knows why?  Autistic Aaron is all about his schedule, his established routine, his expectations…

And his timing.

We were leaving the house just after 2:00.

“Mom!”  Aaron said, “can you be back by 3:00?”

“We’ll try, Aaron,” I answered.

“Or 2:59?” he added.

We smiled as we got in the car.  One minute to Aaron is a huge deal!

Later, as we walked in the house, I looked at my phone.

It was 2:57!  Yay for us!!!  

Or not.

The fact that we were two minutes early did not impress Aaron like I hoped it would.

He was instead still stewing and brewing over the fact that we left him in the first place.  

Aaron teaches me a lot about my relationship to God.  This incident was no exception.

I thought about this time issue as I read Psalm 31:14 this week.

            “My times are in Your hand.”

Short and simple, but so profound.

Aaron wanted our times to be in his hand on that Saturday.  He wanted to be in control of our coming and going.

All too often I’m that way with my life, and especially with the lives of those I love.  I say I trust God but sometimes, deep down, I want to control the timing of things I want to see happen.  

Like I’m looking at God and saying, “How about 2:59?”

Dale Davis wrote, “When he (David) speaks of ‘times’, he doesn’t mean merely his life span but all the kaleidoscope of circumstances that meet him left and right.  Calvin rightly draws attention to the plural form – “times,’ and says that David uses it to mark the variety of casualties by which the life of man is usually harassed.”

We all know that life is full of things we wish hadn’t happened, weren’t happening now, or weren’t on our horizon.

But for the follower of God…for those who can truthfully say like David did: “You are my God.” – we can follow those words with the ones that David said: “My times are in Your hand.”

And then leave it there.

“But I trust in the Lord, I will rejoice and be glad in Your lovingkindness, because You have seen my affliction; You have known the troubles of my soul, and You have not given me over into the hand of the enemy; You have set my feet in a large place.”

Notice The Flowers

I hurried into the house one afternoon with my sister-in-law.  We had been running pre-Christmas errands.  My mind was on many things that needed to be done as I hurried around the kitchen putting items away, planning which to-do item on my list to do next, talking, hanging up my coat…and then I saw them.  There in the middle of the kitchen table was a vase of beautiful flowers.  I had been scurrying all over that area but was so occupied in my busy that I didn’t even see the beauty and the love right there in front of me.

I was embarrassed.  My husband had bought those for me for no other reason than to show his love for me and I hadn’t even seen them for quite a long time.  I thanked him profusely and he just laughed.  He knows how I am at Christmas.

We’ve had some sweet ups and some rough downs with Aaron lately.  It’s a struggle for him to share his home and change his routine during Christmas.  He has had times of deep anger and strong words.  Sadly, we have in some moments reacted in the same way to him.  

We are not always the poster children for patience.

Remember the old hymn, Count Your Many Blessings?  I love the last verse.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Sometimes I’m slow to notice God’s blessings when I’m in the middle of stress and worry.  But with Aaron in particular it’s easy to get caught up in wondering when the next shoe will drop or rolling our eyes at his demand for sameness in his life at the expense of what we are doing during a very busy time.  

But really, instead of rolling my eyes so easily I need to stop and see the flowers right there in front of me…to see the progress he made during all the upheaval of Christmas.  

He happily unwrapped candy for our cookies.  See the flowers?

He loved a walk with Ryker.

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He and Ryker played games.

I don’t have pictures of other blessings.  How he shared with Ryker and Cora some of his fun toys along with as many snacks as he could.  He gave unexpected hugs and I love you’s before bed several times.  

And he was able to wait for our Christmas celebration to come later when more family could be here.  Well, mostly wait.  He did open two presents on Dec. 25 because Christmas IS ON DECEMBER 25, PEOPLE!!  

But he was all smiles on the day we did celebrate Christmas.  

All this and so much more across the board have reminded me of Psalm 103:2:

         “Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all His benefits.”

At night when I pray with Aaron, I have started asking him to tell me one thing for which he is thankful.  It’s a good lesson for me as well as for him.

I hope these simple words today will remind you to stop and see the flowers right in front of you.  God’s benefits and blessings are around us even when all we might be seeing and feeling are the burdens.

A Shining Light Among The Broken

Aaron followed me into the dining room one day.  I wasn’t paying attention to him behind me as I worked on our Christmas village. 

“Mom, look!” Aaron said.

I turned to see him staring intently at our little tree that is full of my Grandma Holly’s handmade ornaments, made with love so many years ago.  This was a pre-lit tree, but as so often happens, those bulbs had long since burned out.  I had replaced them with another strand of lights but left the unlit lights on the tree – hidden, so I thought, by the new lights. 

“This light bulb doesn’t work!” Aaron exclaimed.  And as his eyes roamed over the tree branches, he pointed out other broken small bulbs. 

“Here’s another one!” he said.  “And here…and here…and here,” he continued as he pointed to each one.

 I see brokenness all around me.  I see it as I walk through the stores…as I pick Aaron up from his special need’s day group…as we deliver for Meals on Wheels…in the prayers asked for family and friends…and sitting all around me in church.

And I see brokenness when I look in my mirror.

We all have those hidden struggles and deep pains that keep us awake at night.  

Broken lights.

I think Christmas is the time of year where we see most clearly that there is nothing we can do to manufacture true peace in our souls.

We shop, put up beautiful lights and decorations, bake the best treats, send and receive the cards…

But deep deep down our particular broken areas of hurt and worry remain.  No amount of self-help can take it away.

Yet a light does shine among our broken lights.

WHO we celebrate, or should, is the answer to our broken.

“There was the true Light which, coming into the world, enlightens every man.”  (John 1:9)

“Christmas is a brilliant remembrance of the grace and mercy of God.”  (Albert Mohler)

Our answer is in the Light of the world, Jesus.  

Our broken areas are still there, but the light of Jesus can shine the brightest in our lives if we just let Him do so.  

Our answer is not within us.  It’s outside of us, through Jesus.

God sent Jesus, His Son, to live an unbroken life in this broken world so that we could know God through Him.  

Jesus came TO us so that we could have hope IN us.

We can still point out the broken lights in our lives, but the true Light can shine the brightest if we believe in and receive Jesus, God’s greatest gift to us.

And His light will never be broken.

Aaron’s Joy to The World

Today after I picked Aaron up from his day group, we went to our vision center to get Aaron’s bent glasses un-bent.  This will not be the last time we do this.

Aaron was super excited to show me the Christmas antler headband he had gotten at his day group.  Of course, he grabbed it as we left the car and put it on his head as we walked in the door to the vision center.

I saw three other people sitting in the glasses area and thought our wait would be too long so I told Aaron we should just try again tomorrow.

This Plan B of mine was not acceptable to Aaron.

The poor new-to-us receptionist that was headed around the corner to the waiting area was suddenly waylaid by Aaron before I could even grab one of his antlers.  

“HEY!” he loudly exclaimed to her.  “Can I stay and get my glasses adjusted?”

She stammered as I began to tug on Aaron’s coat while explaining to her that we would come back tomorrow because the wait might be too long.

“No,” Aaron said, “can I get my glasses fixed now?  They’re bent!”

“Well, sure,” she kindly responded, “you can get them fixed today.”

“But I think we should come tomorrow,” I began.

But Aaron was taking off his glasses and reached out to hand them to her.

“Here!!” he said, “can you fix them?”

I had to explain that she was not the glasses fixer as she went back to her chair and signed Aaron in and my fate was sealed.

“Wait!” Aaron blurted out as we sat down.  “Since we might have to wait, I need to get my sticker book out of the car.”

He was gone in a flash while I watched him from the window and hit the unlock button on my app.

The car would not unlock.

I tried again.  Aaron stood there staring at me in the window and shaking his head no.

So out the door I went, got the door unlocked, and Aaron grabbed his book before walking briskly back to the waiting room.

Just as we walked in, the technician who knows us smiled broadly as she called Aaron’s name.  

Actually, everyone knows us if I have Aaron with me.

This lady is the kindest person and she loves Aaron.  She complimented his green sparkly reindeer antlers and then asked to see his latest sticker book.  She took all the time in the world to talk to him, all the while with a huge grin on her face and true delight.  

He was already busily filling his sticker book page as she got up to go in the back and work on his glasses.  The page wouldn’t stay open, so he took the mirror on the table beside him and put it on the page to hold it open.  He acted perfectly at home to do that.  

I just relaxed in my chair.  It felt good to take a breath after our very hectic and loud entrance.  It was a big relief to be with someone who knows Aaron and who loves to talk to him.  

Aaron didn’t see anything at all amiss about his loudness.  He was totally unaware that all eyes were on him.

But me…even after all these years I still feel the eyes of the people around us and I struggle sometimes with embarrassment.

Yet I looked at Aaron sitting there, green antlers and all, with the mirror holding his book open and his eyes intent on each sticker being placed just right…

And I thought how to Aaron, everything in that moment was just right, too.  He was getting his glasses adjusted and he was talking to someone who truly was interested in his every word, and he finished the picture he had started.

I looked around and saw the other technicians smiling at Aaron and at me.  His comments were delighting them.

Aaron moved the mirror and gathered his book up after we were done.  He was up and off without even a goodbye as our friend just laughed with…joy.

That was it, I thought.  Joy.

I saw other patients smiling at us as we walked out, Aaron’s green antlers shining as he led the way to the door and the car.

There it was again as we passed them.  Joy.

It was on their faces.  I wondered what was on my face when we first came in the waiting room.  I can tell you it wasn’t joy.

There are plenty of times that Aaron exasperates me but today it did me lots of good to pause and see that Aaron does have his unique and uninhibited way of spreading his own brand of joy to others.  

I want to remember this day.

Green antlers and all.

You’re Looking for Reindeer WHAT?!

Our sweet (and funny!) friends got Aaron this exploding reindeer poop for his birthday.

He LOVES it and has had so much fun sharing it with Ryker. Recently he and I went to Walmart to buy more of the poop (REINDEER poop!).

Of course, Aaron, who loves to accost every Walmart employee within sight to ask them where something is, was on a mission.

We couldn’t locate the poop (REINDEER poop). As we walked up an aisle, Aaron began veering toward a woman in the unmistakable blue Walmart vest.

Me: AARON! Do NOT ask anyone where the reindeer poop is. We can find it ourselves.

We had already looked in one section of Christmas supplies without success. Soon I saw an employee walking our way.

Me: Excuse me, I have a question…..

Aaron: We’re looking for the reindeer poop! Can you tell us where it is?

Me: Aaron, HUSH!

Me (trying again): Is there another section of Christmas decor and so forth?

He was able to answer my question despite his confusion and on our way we went, with me ordering Aaron in no uncertain terms to NOT ask any other poor innocent employees for help finding reindeer poop.

Soon we were in the garden section, scouring the Christmas aisles for reindeer poop, when there stood an unsuspecting blue-vested Walmart employee with a smile on her face. A smile which Aaron took for an open invitation to ask the dreaded question.

Aaron: HEY! Do you know where the reindeer poop is?

Me: AARON!

Aaron: I’m just trying to help us find the reindeer poop.

So I felt the urgent need to do some explaining about reindeer poop while she told us where it might be and I continued with my explanation more fully while Aaron briskly walked toward, hopefully, reindeer poop.

I hurried to catch up with him.

Me: AARON! I will find the reindeer poop!!

We did locate it, finally. Aaron was super excited and rubbed his hands together furiously while I carried the poop prize to self-checkout.

Hey, if any of you want to buy some exploding reindeer poop I can lend Aaron to you. He’ll help you find it or find who will.

I dare you. 🤣💩🦌