The Thanks I Get?

Yesterday Aaron and I delivered roses to his day group friends at Paradigm.  Our local Dillon’s store and our sweet friend Jody organize this special treat every year. The smiles and excitement are so much fun to see.  

Last night Aaron was cleaning out the bag he takes to Paradigm.  He came running into the kitchen holding…something.

“MOM!” he excitedly said, “this is for you!”

He held out…this.

“Victoria wanted me to give you this to say thanks for the rose today!” he explained.

It was so hard not to laugh.  

This…was an old, mangled, broken candy cane, complete with food crumbs stuck in the open spots.

Now, I know Aaron and I know with a fair degree of certainty that Victoria did NOT send me that worn out candy cane.  Aaron found it in the bottom of his messy bag and impulsively came up with what he thought was a solid story whereupon he could gift me with…this. 

Aaron’s love language is giving gifts.  

He just needs a little work sometimes on the choice of gifts he gives.

We’ve been having some rough times with Aaron.  He’s been struggling with some things that make him respond with anger toward us.  

A trait of autism is a focus on oneself because they want their world to operate in the order that gives them peace.  Interruptions to that order can cause lots of anger, taken out on me and Gary at home.

Then there’s the care that Aaron requires on so many levels, care that often ties us down and intrudes upon the way we sometimes want OUR world to go.

I’m not complaining and I hope I don’t sound selfish.  These are just the facts.  Parents of children are caregivers, and having our adult Aaron still with us is like having a child still at home.  Special needs then compound the situation a lot!

It’s easy to get mired down in the daily and to feel like all I do for Aaron is unrecognized by him, which is often true.  

Like I’m left holding onto more broken when I’ve had enough, thank you.

But one morning I was especially encouraged when I read the words of Nehemiah 5:19:

“Remember me with favor, O my God, for all that I have done for this people.”

Caregiving is so often self-sacrificing, but it’s a walk of life that honors God.  I don’t always have the right attitude, and I have anger issues sometimes, too.  

Yet so many times, during the mundane or dirty work, when I am tired and feeling very unappreciated, I remember that I am remembered. 

I am remembered by God.  He sees me.  

And everything I do, I really am to do for Him.

There are many of us working day after day after day to care for someone in our lives.  We are not on a public stage, sought after and held in high esteem.

But we are noticed by God, whom Hebrews tells us will not forget our work and labor of love we have shown for Him by helping His people.

And this…this is a promise I can hold on to when the serving is hard.  

It’s like the biggest and best thanks ever!

A Little Rock and Our Big God

I have a story to tell of the sweetest thing God did one recent very cold January day.

My son-in-law’s mother, Marie, came to visit my daughter and son-in-law for a long weekend.  She arrived on Friday, and late that night it hit me that Marie’s birthday was only a few days away.  

My friend Joyce and I were taking a day trip that next day to Lindsborg, a quaint little Swedish town not far away.  As I got ready for bed that Friday night, I felt a strong urge and excitement about finding Marie a birthday gift in Lindsborg.  I prayed as I went to bed, asking God to let me find just the right gift for Marie.

You see, Marie’s husband is fighting pancreatic cancer.  The last six months have been brutal for Kent and Marie in all the ways you can imagine.  I wanted this gift that God laid on my heart to be a special encouragement to Marie.

Joyce and I walked in shop after shop but there was nothing that jumped out at me as just the right gift for Marie.  Finally, in a fair-trade shop, Joyce and I found a little table with baskets full of polished rocks shaped like hearts and painted various colors.

In one basket were stones that had a word on one side and then a little saying on the other side.  I was drawn to them, but as I examined the selection I didn’t find anything that I felt was for Marie.  I didn’t know what word would be for Marie, honestly, but I knew that none of those words were right.

Joyce said that maybe there were more rocks in the back of the store, and I said that I doubted it.  I was ready to walk away but Joyce was already talking to the clerk at the counter, who said that she could etch any word onto one of the blank stones that were in another basket.  

I was very surprised!  

“So, what word would you want?” Joyce asked.

I hadn’t had time to even think about that when suddenly, in a flash, I knew.

“Courage,” I answered.  

“And on the other side of the rock, Joshua 1:9,” I continued as I looked up the reference to be certain.  

“Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous!  Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Oh, what a precious promise!  

I walked out of the store with that little rock in a cute box with a pretty ribbon, praising God for how He put all this together.

But God wasn’t done yet.

In the next store, as we browsed the shelves, Joyce excitedly walked up to me.

“Patty, look at this!” she excitedly said.

She held out a beautiful journal.  This is the cover.

What a tender touch from God!

I could hardly wait for the next day to come when I could give Marie these simple gifts and tell her the story of how God reached down to show me and Marie both that He cares about every little detail of our lives.

If God cares so much about a rock and a journal for Marie, I have every assurance that He cares about this path that Kent and Marie are walking.  

He cares about THEM and He has a reason for the big things they’re facing.  

And that little rock has shown over and over that we have a big God.

Kent and Marie

It’s A Matter of Time

On a recent Saturday afternoon, Gary and I were getting ready to attend an anniversary celebration for some dear friends.  Aaron was not one bit happy that we were leaving.  Who knows why?  Autistic Aaron is all about his schedule, his established routine, his expectations…

And his timing.

We were leaving the house just after 2:00.

“Mom!”  Aaron said, “can you be back by 3:00?”

“We’ll try, Aaron,” I answered.

“Or 2:59?” he added.

We smiled as we got in the car.  One minute to Aaron is a huge deal!

Later, as we walked in the house, I looked at my phone.

It was 2:57!  Yay for us!!!  

Or not.

The fact that we were two minutes early did not impress Aaron like I hoped it would.

He was instead still stewing and brewing over the fact that we left him in the first place.  

Aaron teaches me a lot about my relationship to God.  This incident was no exception.

I thought about this time issue as I read Psalm 31:14 this week.

            “My times are in Your hand.”

Short and simple, but so profound.

Aaron wanted our times to be in his hand on that Saturday.  He wanted to be in control of our coming and going.

All too often I’m that way with my life, and especially with the lives of those I love.  I say I trust God but sometimes, deep down, I want to control the timing of things I want to see happen.  

Like I’m looking at God and saying, “How about 2:59?”

Dale Davis wrote, “When he (David) speaks of ‘times’, he doesn’t mean merely his life span but all the kaleidoscope of circumstances that meet him left and right.  Calvin rightly draws attention to the plural form – “times,’ and says that David uses it to mark the variety of casualties by which the life of man is usually harassed.”

We all know that life is full of things we wish hadn’t happened, weren’t happening now, or weren’t on our horizon.

But for the follower of God…for those who can truthfully say like David did: “You are my God.” – we can follow those words with the ones that David said: “My times are in Your hand.”

And then leave it there.

“But I trust in the Lord, I will rejoice and be glad in Your lovingkindness, because You have seen my affliction; You have known the troubles of my soul, and You have not given me over into the hand of the enemy; You have set my feet in a large place.”

Notice The Flowers

I hurried into the house one afternoon with my sister-in-law.  We had been running pre-Christmas errands.  My mind was on many things that needed to be done as I hurried around the kitchen putting items away, planning which to-do item on my list to do next, talking, hanging up my coat…and then I saw them.  There in the middle of the kitchen table was a vase of beautiful flowers.  I had been scurrying all over that area but was so occupied in my busy that I didn’t even see the beauty and the love right there in front of me.

I was embarrassed.  My husband had bought those for me for no other reason than to show his love for me and I hadn’t even seen them for quite a long time.  I thanked him profusely and he just laughed.  He knows how I am at Christmas.

We’ve had some sweet ups and some rough downs with Aaron lately.  It’s a struggle for him to share his home and change his routine during Christmas.  He has had times of deep anger and strong words.  Sadly, we have in some moments reacted in the same way to him.  

We are not always the poster children for patience.

Remember the old hymn, Count Your Many Blessings?  I love the last verse.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Sometimes I’m slow to notice God’s blessings when I’m in the middle of stress and worry.  But with Aaron in particular it’s easy to get caught up in wondering when the next shoe will drop or rolling our eyes at his demand for sameness in his life at the expense of what we are doing during a very busy time.  

But really, instead of rolling my eyes so easily I need to stop and see the flowers right there in front of me…to see the progress he made during all the upheaval of Christmas.  

He happily unwrapped candy for our cookies.  See the flowers?

He loved a walk with Ryker.

Screenshot

He and Ryker played games.

I don’t have pictures of other blessings.  How he shared with Ryker and Cora some of his fun toys along with as many snacks as he could.  He gave unexpected hugs and I love you’s before bed several times.  

And he was able to wait for our Christmas celebration to come later when more family could be here.  Well, mostly wait.  He did open two presents on Dec. 25 because Christmas IS ON DECEMBER 25, PEOPLE!!  

But he was all smiles on the day we did celebrate Christmas.  

All this and so much more across the board have reminded me of Psalm 103:2:

         “Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all His benefits.”

At night when I pray with Aaron, I have started asking him to tell me one thing for which he is thankful.  It’s a good lesson for me as well as for him.

I hope these simple words today will remind you to stop and see the flowers right in front of you.  God’s benefits and blessings are around us even when all we might be seeing and feeling are the burdens.

A Shining Light Among The Broken

Aaron followed me into the dining room one day.  I wasn’t paying attention to him behind me as I worked on our Christmas village. 

“Mom, look!” Aaron said.

I turned to see him staring intently at our little tree that is full of my Grandma Holly’s handmade ornaments, made with love so many years ago.  This was a pre-lit tree, but as so often happens, those bulbs had long since burned out.  I had replaced them with another strand of lights but left the unlit lights on the tree – hidden, so I thought, by the new lights. 

“This light bulb doesn’t work!” Aaron exclaimed.  And as his eyes roamed over the tree branches, he pointed out other broken small bulbs. 

“Here’s another one!” he said.  “And here…and here…and here,” he continued as he pointed to each one.

 I see brokenness all around me.  I see it as I walk through the stores…as I pick Aaron up from his special need’s day group…as we deliver for Meals on Wheels…in the prayers asked for family and friends…and sitting all around me in church.

And I see brokenness when I look in my mirror.

We all have those hidden struggles and deep pains that keep us awake at night.  

Broken lights.

I think Christmas is the time of year where we see most clearly that there is nothing we can do to manufacture true peace in our souls.

We shop, put up beautiful lights and decorations, bake the best treats, send and receive the cards…

But deep deep down our particular broken areas of hurt and worry remain.  No amount of self-help can take it away.

Yet a light does shine among our broken lights.

WHO we celebrate, or should, is the answer to our broken.

“There was the true Light which, coming into the world, enlightens every man.”  (John 1:9)

“Christmas is a brilliant remembrance of the grace and mercy of God.”  (Albert Mohler)

Our answer is in the Light of the world, Jesus.  

Our broken areas are still there, but the light of Jesus can shine the brightest in our lives if we just let Him do so.  

Our answer is not within us.  It’s outside of us, through Jesus.

God sent Jesus, His Son, to live an unbroken life in this broken world so that we could know God through Him.  

Jesus came TO us so that we could have hope IN us.

We can still point out the broken lights in our lives, but the true Light can shine the brightest if we believe in and receive Jesus, God’s greatest gift to us.

And His light will never be broken.

Aaron’s Joy to The World

Today after I picked Aaron up from his day group, we went to our vision center to get Aaron’s bent glasses un-bent.  This will not be the last time we do this.

Aaron was super excited to show me the Christmas antler headband he had gotten at his day group.  Of course, he grabbed it as we left the car and put it on his head as we walked in the door to the vision center.

I saw three other people sitting in the glasses area and thought our wait would be too long so I told Aaron we should just try again tomorrow.

This Plan B of mine was not acceptable to Aaron.

The poor new-to-us receptionist that was headed around the corner to the waiting area was suddenly waylaid by Aaron before I could even grab one of his antlers.  

“HEY!” he loudly exclaimed to her.  “Can I stay and get my glasses adjusted?”

She stammered as I began to tug on Aaron’s coat while explaining to her that we would come back tomorrow because the wait might be too long.

“No,” Aaron said, “can I get my glasses fixed now?  They’re bent!”

“Well, sure,” she kindly responded, “you can get them fixed today.”

“But I think we should come tomorrow,” I began.

But Aaron was taking off his glasses and reached out to hand them to her.

“Here!!” he said, “can you fix them?”

I had to explain that she was not the glasses fixer as she went back to her chair and signed Aaron in and my fate was sealed.

“Wait!” Aaron blurted out as we sat down.  “Since we might have to wait, I need to get my sticker book out of the car.”

He was gone in a flash while I watched him from the window and hit the unlock button on my app.

The car would not unlock.

I tried again.  Aaron stood there staring at me in the window and shaking his head no.

So out the door I went, got the door unlocked, and Aaron grabbed his book before walking briskly back to the waiting room.

Just as we walked in, the technician who knows us smiled broadly as she called Aaron’s name.  

Actually, everyone knows us if I have Aaron with me.

This lady is the kindest person and she loves Aaron.  She complimented his green sparkly reindeer antlers and then asked to see his latest sticker book.  She took all the time in the world to talk to him, all the while with a huge grin on her face and true delight.  

He was already busily filling his sticker book page as she got up to go in the back and work on his glasses.  The page wouldn’t stay open, so he took the mirror on the table beside him and put it on the page to hold it open.  He acted perfectly at home to do that.  

I just relaxed in my chair.  It felt good to take a breath after our very hectic and loud entrance.  It was a big relief to be with someone who knows Aaron and who loves to talk to him.  

Aaron didn’t see anything at all amiss about his loudness.  He was totally unaware that all eyes were on him.

But me…even after all these years I still feel the eyes of the people around us and I struggle sometimes with embarrassment.

Yet I looked at Aaron sitting there, green antlers and all, with the mirror holding his book open and his eyes intent on each sticker being placed just right…

And I thought how to Aaron, everything in that moment was just right, too.  He was getting his glasses adjusted and he was talking to someone who truly was interested in his every word, and he finished the picture he had started.

I looked around and saw the other technicians smiling at Aaron and at me.  His comments were delighting them.

Aaron moved the mirror and gathered his book up after we were done.  He was up and off without even a goodbye as our friend just laughed with…joy.

That was it, I thought.  Joy.

I saw other patients smiling at us as we walked out, Aaron’s green antlers shining as he led the way to the door and the car.

There it was again as we passed them.  Joy.

It was on their faces.  I wondered what was on my face when we first came in the waiting room.  I can tell you it wasn’t joy.

There are plenty of times that Aaron exasperates me but today it did me lots of good to pause and see that Aaron does have his unique and uninhibited way of spreading his own brand of joy to others.  

I want to remember this day.

Green antlers and all.

You’re Looking for Reindeer WHAT?!

Our sweet (and funny!) friends got Aaron this exploding reindeer poop for his birthday.

He LOVES it and has had so much fun sharing it with Ryker. Recently he and I went to Walmart to buy more of the poop (REINDEER poop!).

Of course, Aaron, who loves to accost every Walmart employee within sight to ask them where something is, was on a mission.

We couldn’t locate the poop (REINDEER poop). As we walked up an aisle, Aaron began veering toward a woman in the unmistakable blue Walmart vest.

Me: AARON! Do NOT ask anyone where the reindeer poop is. We can find it ourselves.

We had already looked in one section of Christmas supplies without success. Soon I saw an employee walking our way.

Me: Excuse me, I have a question…..

Aaron: We’re looking for the reindeer poop! Can you tell us where it is?

Me: Aaron, HUSH!

Me (trying again): Is there another section of Christmas decor and so forth?

He was able to answer my question despite his confusion and on our way we went, with me ordering Aaron in no uncertain terms to NOT ask any other poor innocent employees for help finding reindeer poop.

Soon we were in the garden section, scouring the Christmas aisles for reindeer poop, when there stood an unsuspecting blue-vested Walmart employee with a smile on her face. A smile which Aaron took for an open invitation to ask the dreaded question.

Aaron: HEY! Do you know where the reindeer poop is?

Me: AARON!

Aaron: I’m just trying to help us find the reindeer poop.

So I felt the urgent need to do some explaining about reindeer poop while she told us where it might be and I continued with my explanation more fully while Aaron briskly walked toward, hopefully, reindeer poop.

I hurried to catch up with him.

Me: AARON! I will find the reindeer poop!!

We did locate it, finally. Aaron was super excited and rubbed his hands together furiously while I carried the poop prize to self-checkout.

Hey, if any of you want to buy some exploding reindeer poop I can lend Aaron to you. He’ll help you find it or find who will.

I dare you. 🤣💩🦌

An Enemy and A River

I felt the knots in my stomach as Tuesday’s election results came in, and the reality of the results became clear.  

Is this really happening in America, I wondered?  

I felt a heaviness and a deep sadness for so many reasons.  I know God is in control but that punch in the gut was there for me just the same.

I had decided on that day that I would re-visit the book of Joshua in my morning quiet time the following day.   And there it was that morning, such a clear and encouraging truth from God.  One I have known for years but need to hear again in times such as these.

God had led Israel across the wilderness, despite their disobedience, and brought them to this place of promise.

But Moses had just died.  Their leader was gone when they needed him the most.

Ahead of them was a strong enemy nation, extremely violent and ungodly.  Israel didn’t even have an army.

There was also the matter of the Jordan River.  God led them to the river at flood stage, the worst time for crossing.

Could things be more dismal or hopeless?

But this was all part of God’s plan.  His timing is always perfect – in HIS eyes, that is.  Very often, not in ours.

God didn’t let a funeral or a strong enemy or a raging river stop Him.

“Moses is dead.  Now cross the Jordan,” God said.

Moses died, but God’s faithfulness did not.

This is what we all need to remember as we look at the fearful prospects of what is happening in our country.  Or as we experience the turmoil and stress of our lives in our homes and families.

God’s promise to Israel is also His promise to each of His followers today.

Listen to what God told Joshua:

“No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life.  Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you.  I will not fail you or forsake you.”   (Joshua 1:5)

And hear what God says to believers today:

“…I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you, so that we confidently say, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.  What will man do to me?”   (Hebrews 13:5-6)

The phrase, “I will not fail you,” in Joshua means that God will not relax His grip.

God will not let go of us who follow Him.

He is holding us as we see the rise of socialism and communism in America.

But He is also gripping our hand during every stress we face behind the walls of our own homes.  

I took these two pictures on the same day, at sunrise and sunset.  Let’s remember:

            “From the rising of the sun…

           

  to its setting…

            the name of the Lord is to be praised.”   (Psalm 113:3)

Great is His faithfulness!

Aaron’s Lost Order

One day last week our exterminator was coming.  Aaron’s favorite storage place is his bedroom floor, so I had reminded him to clear his floor before we left the house.  

Soon a very upset Aaron came bounding up to me.

“Mom!!” he angrily said, “I lost the order of books!!”

When I walked into his room, I saw this.

His large stack of books had taken a tumble, ruining the careful order that Aaron had put them in.

I knew not to dismiss what to us would be no big deal.  To Aaron, this mayhem was a HUGE deal.

We got the books put on his bed as I assured him that he could restore the order when he came home later that day.

This is a perfect picture of our life with Aaron, more so lately than perhaps ever before.

Aaron has a rhythm to his life that he creates.  His routines and methods are vital to his happiness.  

We know better than to discount his routines.

There is always a balance in our life with Aaron as we seek to help him manage disruptions while at the same time validating his concerns…concerns of his that can lead to serious anger outbursts from him, which in turn lead to disruptions in our life.

Sadly, Aaron isn’t concerned about the effects he has on us.  Autism often manifests itself as narcissism in Aaron and in most others that I know who struggle with this condition. 

I have always said that physical disabilities are much easier understood than behavioral ones.

For instance, we have sadness and sympathy for Aaron when he has seizures.  The interruptions in our life that seizures might cause when we must change plans are clearly understood.

But when Aaron loses the order in his life that he has created he reacts with anger that sometimes becomes rage.  Nothing we say or do at that point has much if any effect.

I know when Aaron has a seizure that I can’t tell him to just wake up and come take a walk with me.  He understandably is unable to do that.

But I must also know that when Aaron has an emotional meltdown over something that has upset him, I can’t tell him to just get over it and stop being ridiculous.  He understandably is unable to do that either.

Except most of the time, at least on paper, his behaviors at those times are not understandable to most people.

My husband and I understand what is upsetting Aaron, most of the time, better than anybody.  

But again, those behaviors of his…goodness, they take a toll on us some days.

Autism surely is full of puzzle pieces, but we don’t have a picture on the box to tell us what the finished puzzle will look like.

And the pieces keep getting rearranged as Aaron’s order from day to day gets lost in one way or another.

Sometimes, though, a sweet picture starts taking shape from all those random pieces that we’re trying to fit together.

Despite lots of anger lately about having to fit his precious nephew and niece into his life and how their being here at our house causes his order to be mostly lost, he does often pull it together and shows his caring side.

Saturday evening, I watched Ryker climb up on Aaron’s bed and hand Aaron his current favorite Golden Book.

Aaron took the book and started reading Goldilocks and The Three Bears.  

When I read that book to Ryker, I use all the voices.  Papa Bear has a deep voice.  Mama Bear has a medium voice.  Baby bear has a little baby voice.  Ryker does the same when he “reads” it to us.  

When I read it to Ryker, though, we don’t make it through the whole book in one sitting because Ryker is soon off and running to his next adventure.

So, there was Aaron propped up in bed with Ryker kneeling on the bed nearby staring at him.  Aaron began to read Goldilocks and The Three Bears.

Except Aaron read the story with no inflection in his voice…no deep voice or medium voice or baby voice.  

No excitement.  No change in his voice when he read a question.  

Just a monotone monologue.  It was really hilarious.

And Ryker didn’t move a muscle.

Maybe he was in shock.  I have no idea.

But for the first time that I have seen at our house, Ryker let Aaron read the whole book.

I think Ryker senses a difference in Aaron but in his innocence, he accepts his Unkie Aaron just the way he is.

Oh, that we could all do the same!

Especially when Aaron’s life, like his stack of books, has lost its order and we think we might lose our minds.

Ryker let Aaron finish reading his book.

Sometimes we need to let Aaron finish his book with us, too…to try to understand him as we listen to his anger and his words.

To accept Aaron as he is while still trying to teach him and show him that there are other ways to manage life when he loses his order of books.

You Never Do That To Me!

One of Aaron’s biggest struggles is with jealousy.  And sadly, he is often the most jealous of the attention that we pay to our grandchildren.

Being Uncie Aaron is not always the joy to him that we hoped it would be.

On Saturday, Gary took Ryker for a ride around our yard on his riding lawn mower.   (No worries – the blades were up).  Sure enough, Aaron took note and soon said the all too familiar, “You never do that to me!”

So, Gary looked at Aaron and said, “Hop on!”

It was hilarious to look at Aaron sitting on Gary’s lap.  Aaron was really too big to fit and it was very awkward.  But good for Gary to give it a go!  And he could only go in reverse, which made it even funnier.  

How many times we have talked to Aaron about his place in our family as we assure him of our love!  

I was thinking about this as I continued my study in Nehemiah today.  Those that worked to restore the walls of Jerusalem, the temple, and the worship shared many various duties and positions.

Some were in high positions of leadership while others carried wood or cleaned up the many messes that were made.  Yet each person was appointed by God to the job he had for them.

Do you ever wonder about your place in life?  

Maybe you once held a position that is now gone.  

Or you never had a chance to prove that you could do what that other person is doing.  

Perhaps life has radically changed for you because of your health issues or age or finances or…you fill in the blank.

It’s so tempting to look at God and say, like Aaron, “God, you never do that for me!”

Comparison to others is the robber of joy.

Social media can be a real problem in this area.  I can be just fine and out of the blue see a post that makes me wish for something I don’t have.  

It can be any number of things, but the result is the same.

Ugly jealousy.

Discontent.

And if I don’t nip it in the bud, I might begin questioning God.

When we started our married life, Gary and I never dreamed that we would have a child with special needs.

Caregiving is not a life of leisure and does not allow for spontaneity in our lives.  Caring for Aaron is our life.  

We must consider him first in everything we do.

Your struggles are probably different from mine, but each of us do have those areas of raw questions that we may not share with anyone else but God.

Oh, but God!

He has given me that visual of Aaron riding on Gary’s lap to remind me that what I may desire is not His place for me.

I wouldn’t fit there.

God has put me here, where I am.  

If I don’t believe that then I am not living in obedience and trust to the God Who really does love me.

The God Who has put me in this place in His family for a specific reason.

So Lord, help me to get off that tractor where I sometimes want to be. 

Change my “You never do that to me!” to “Thank you for what you do FOR me in this place where you have put me!”