Category: Family

Mom’s Ways

Years ago, when we had a big family gathering in our West Virginia hometown, Mom had prepared a meal for us.  She decided to serve it buffet style.  The first person to go through the line was one of my nieces.  She scooped some rice onto her plate and then beside the rice she put the stew meat and gravy.  Back in the line, craning her neck to see, was our short little mother.  She saw my niece’s plate with the meat beside the rice.  Mom could not restrain herself.

“The meat goes ON the rice!” she exclaimed.

There was the typical eye rolling and many knowing smiles between us as Mom still felt that need to supervise this detail…a very important detail to her.  In my family, this comment and story has become one of our favorite sayings when we want something to be done a certain way.

The meat goes ON the rice!

Mom’s particular ways permeated our lives.  She was and still is the most energetic and organized woman I have ever known.  It wasn’t easy back in the 50’s to have four children in five years.  Then came Kathryn, our caboose, three years later.

Her ways of managing our home were as precise as she could make them during those very hectic years.  She had baskets of ironing for us to do with a piece of paper in each basket that held a name of one of us girls.  We had our chores to do and the day on which to do them.  She even taught us the best way to load dishes into the kitchen sink after dinner.  Wash the glasses first, then the silverware put just so along with the plates, and so forth.

She taught us how to fold laundry, including those dreaded fitted sheets.  Sorry, Mom, for the mess I still make with those sheets today.  Sometimes I feel like she’s craning her little neck from heaven, watching me struggle with that sheet and just shaking her head.

But over the years, with a family of my own, I do wonder how Mom did it all.  She made all our clothes, often late at night after we had gone to bed.  I still remember our kitchen table full of homemade rolls, cookies, pizza crusts, and so much more.  Our freezers were full of those goodies, ready to be used at a moment’s notice.  She canned and froze fruits and veggies from their garden.  All of this while working full time after we were all in school, eventually supervising the school lunch programs in thirteen West Virginia counties.

Mom’s ways of reaching beyond our home into the lives of others was amazing.  Our home was always open to our friends, to groups, and to pastors and missionaries.  In later years, she knit hundreds of Christmas stockings for so many people as well as her beautiful quilts.  She visited the sick, usually with flowers she had grown or food she had made.  

Mom’s ways of offering help to the struggling really spoke to me.  She didn’t judge those who had made mistakes in life but instead looked for ways she could help them and love them through their hard times.

But the most impacting of Mom’s ways, the one for which I am most thankful, is that every morning she made sure that we began the day in God’s word together as a family around our breakfast table.  Dad was already at work on those early mornings so she would lead us in reading Our Daily Bread and praying together.  

Throughout her life she consistently exhibited that the number one value in our lives was to live our lives for Christ and to trust Him in every situation.  We saw her follow her own advice without wavering as she cared for Dad until cancer took his life.  She continued her faithfulness even as Alzheimer’s took away her memory, her spunk, her humor and wit.  

Some of the last words she ever spoke was to softly sing:  

“Jesus, Jesus, Jesus;

Sweetest name I know.

Fills my every longing,

Keeps me singing as I go.”

So Mom, I not only honor you on this Mother’s Day but on every day as your ways continue to influence my own life…and hopefully the lives of our children. 

And for you, I will make sure that the meat goes ON the rice!

Automatic Uncle Aaron

I’m sitting here staring at this blank screen, wondering how I can convey Aaron’s adjustment or lack thereof to being Uncle Aaron.  I think the best way to do so is to share with you a statement he made not long ago.  Here is Uncle Aaron in true Aaron form, talking about his role as an uncle.

“Well, Andrea made me the uncle without asking.  Why did she automatically make me the uncle?!”

Shame on Andrea, right?  

Oh, Aaron.

I made a feeble attempt to explain this dynamic of becoming an uncle, but Uncle Aaron was already on to another topic, and I knew when it was time to just hush.

As I have said many times in the past and am sure I will continue to say many times in the future, Aaron’s main concern in life is Aaron.  His schedule, his routine, his comfort, his attention…these are a few of the things that matter most to him.  When the title “Uncle” is added to his name, that means there is another person in his world that made him an uncle…and that little person sometimes takes Aaron’s schedule, routine, comfort, and attention, and stands all of it on its head.  

Aaron’s world is jumbled during those times.  He is not the center of attention, the master of his world, the keeper of his schedule…and this disruption is HUGE to him.

You should hear him at the dinner table when Andrea, Kyle, and Ryker are at our house.  He literally will not quit talking, and when he is interrupted by us giving Ryker attention, he is perturbed.  Or when Aaron takes a bite and we can use those two seconds when he is not talking to jump in and quickly start another vein of conversation, Aaron huffs and puffs and chews extra fast so he can quickly start talking again.  

He cannot figure out why on earth we would interrupt his monologue about the core of the earth, the solar eclipse, the ancient cave bones that were unearthed, what causes earthquakes…and by the way, why didn’t the moon melt during the recent eclipse??

BUT…Aaron, despite all these interruptions into his ordered life, is surprising us with his efforts to assimilate Ryker into his life and to try to understand his new little nephew.

Ryker just stares at Aaron, waiting for eye contact and for a response.  He doesn’t get that from Aaron yet, of course.  Aaron has yet to talk to Ryker.  That concept is just too hard for Aaron.  So, Ryker observes his Uncle Aaron with great curiosity, even at only 15 months of age. 

What Aaron does love to do is to give Ryker things.  Here he is sharing his pecans with Ryker.

He was super excited for our sweet little neighbor to share her chalk with Ryker.

And for the first time in years, Aaron wanted to have an Easter basket and an egg hunt like Ryker.  A little jealousy there, I’m sure, but it was fun and had some sweet moments.

The good times and the progress we see is very encouraging to us.

They truly are more frequent than the other side that crops up when Aaron is feeling usurped and not loved as much as Ryker.

After all, Aaron may have automatically been made an uncle but knowing how to really BE an uncle is not automatic for Uncle Aaron at all!

We have certainly learned that fact over this past year.

And we have also learned to be thankful for every single bright spot that we see along this growing Uncle Aaron journey.

Uncle Aaron: Out of Order

A few weeks ago, Aaron had an incident at his day group.  He got mad at another client there, lost his temper, and ended up being pushed down.  As a result, a nose piece on his glasses got a little bent.  As soon as we could, I took Aaron to our vision center to have his glasses fixed.

Knowing that Aaron greatly enjoys telling everyone all the juicy details of these happenings, I paused to talk to him before we went inside.  I told him that no one needed to know all about how his nose piece got bent.  It’s hard to explain without making him or the other young man or his day group look bad. 

Aaron agreed.

I was not convinced.

As soon as we were seated at the table, Aaron took off his glasses for the technician.  She immediately saw the bent nose piece.  But Aaron could not stop himself from giving at least some form of explanation.

“My place in Wichita went out of order,” he flatly said.

She was confused but made no comment, only smiled.

I was holding in a belly laugh.

And Aaron strikes again with his hilarious and unique way of explaining things, I thought.

It wasn’t until sometime later that it hit me.  Aaron had made the perfect explanation of how he sees his new role as Uncle Aaron.

His place in our family went out of order.

Order is what Aaron craves in his life.  But it must be the order that Aaron mandates.  Anyone who disrupts that order is the object of Aaron’s anger.

Aaron’s nephew, Ryker, has disrupted Aaron’s ordered life.  Aaron’s normal has been upended now that Ryker and Andrea and Kyle live here.  

When the three of them are at our house, Aaron’s mood often becomes confrontational and angry.  He makes comments about how we don’t love him anymore or don’t love him as much as we love Ryker.  Or he gets angry at Kyle for whatever reason.  

Aaron has had us to himself for years.  This sharing business is a monumental adjustment for him.  

Autism is so tricky…so very hard to understand sometimes.  A lot of times.

Or we understand it on paper but when behaviors affect our joy and our emotions then it’s, quite honestly, maddening.

This is how I look at it.  When we see Aaron having a seizure, we understand what is happening.  We feel concern and empathy for Aaron.  We want to help him and be sure that he is cared for and safe.

However, when we see Aaron’s autism at play, it usually involves some sort of behavior from him.  Sometimes he can be funny or uniquely amazing, but there are also plenty of times that he is disruptive, angry, unreasonable…I’ll stop there.  You get the picture.

When he is seizing, we stay with him until the seizure is over.  We would never tell him to stop seizing.  He can’t, of course.

When he is having an autistic episode of anger or frustration, we try to talk to him…to tell him to stop…to get him to listen to reason.  But he usually can’t, any more than he can stop a seizure.

But that fact is hard to grasp in the middle of everyone’s high emotions.  

When special needs affect behaviors, it is very difficult to have the same level of compassion that we have when there is only a physical effect, such as a seizure.  That’s because behaviors affect others around the person so personally.  Our emotions get involved because we are frustrated, hurt, angry ourselves, disappointed, and the list goes on.  

Aaron reacts to his environment very strongly.  His environment has been turned upside down by the addition of his nephew into his life, as well as his sister and brother-in-law. 

All of this makes me think of that old Tina Turner song: “What’s Love Got To Do With It?”

Nothing, to Aaron.  Not when his world is out of order.

It’s not all bad, though.  Aaron has sweet moments, and we relish those.  

A few nights ago, he wanted Ryker to sit on his bed before they left.  He gave Ryker a necklace of his and laughed in delight at how happy that made Ryker.  Then Aaron ran downstairs to tell Kyle he was sorry for being mean to him earlier.  

Yesterday, Aaron walked outside with Andrea and Ryker. 

 

Aaron was more patient with everyone and didn’t attempt to be the only one talking all during our lunch.

“Was I good when Andrea and Kyle were here, Mom?” he asked me last night. 

He’s so childlike at these times and my heart really goes out to him.

Our prayer is that Uncle Aaron will learn to be secure in his place in our family; to develop a relationship with Ryker as well as Kyle; and to know that he is greatly loved.

And to someday know that his world is not out of order but is instead in a very wonderful order!

Up and Down With Uncle Aaron

Many of you have been wondering how Uncle Aaron is faring with his little nephew, Ryker.  Well, since a picture is worth a thousand words, let me share our family Christmas picture that our sweet neighbor was kind enough to take for us in the middle of some cold temperatures.

You can clearly see the struggle on Aaron’s face.  And also the love that his sister, Andrea, has for him as she helped him tolerate standing there long enough for some pictures by holding his hand.

It wasn’t just the cold that was bothering Aaron.  Not even the promise of eating dinner out right after this was enough to make Aaron smile.

Reality was setting in for Aaron.  Andrea worded it perfectly last night as we talked after Aaron had left the room.

“Ryker has infiltrated Aaron’s life,” she wisely said.  

I can illustrate Aaron’s way of viewing his life by what happened as he and I were getting his blankets on his bed a couple nights ago.  He got two new blankets for Christmas.  Since it’s been so cold, he wants to put both new blankets on his bed along with the three he already uses…for a grand total of five blankets!

I have written before about the order of his covers.  Nothing has changed.  He has decided that on top of his already well-ordered blankets, he wants the Christmas blanket first and the grey blanket on top.  I made the dastardly mistake of reversing that order.  I went ahead with things, wondering if Aaron would mind.  He did.

“Mom, I want the Christmas blanket first!” he said.

“It doesn’t really matter, Aaron,” I naively answered.

“But I want them the way I like them!” he declared.

He was already removing the offending grey blanket as he spoke.  Knowing better than to fight his need for this certain order, I complied while keeping silent.  

Pick your battles, right?

Aaron’s initial reaction to Ryker was precious.  He gave Ryker his special bear, as I wrote about earlier.

Within three days, Aaron had taken back the bear.

Up and down.

After friends graciously took him out to dinner on our Christmas Eve, and then he survived our Christmas day, he was much improved.  After some encouragement from me, he gave the bear back to Ryker.

But the realities of autism rule Aaron’s mind and his relationships. 

Again, look at another picture.  This is Aaron’s place at our dinner table one recent night.  He set the table, and his setting is exactly as he wants…and needs…it to be.  Fighting it is useless and unproductive.

Watching Aaron in every area of his life is exactly as described years ago by M.P. Everard:  “…one is instantly aware of how different they are and the enormous effort they have to make to live in a world where no concessions are made and where they are expected to conform.”

The reality of a baby in our lives, even his precious nephew, is not precious to Aaron.  He sees the laughter and the joy that Ryker brings.  Aaron is not the center of attention.  His egocentric tendencies rebel against this fact.

Conforming to our desire for Aaron to love and accept Ryker is a huge mountain for Aaron to climb.  

When Ryker is with us during a meal, Aaron literally spends the entire time talking about things like the core of the earth, whatever video he is watching, aliens, etc., etc.

Andrea is so good to try to focus on Aaron, but we all know that Aaron also needs to understand and to share that focus with Ryker.

Ryker, the offending nephew.  

The infiltration of the nephew is not acceptable to Aaron.  

“I want life the way I like it!!” Aaron is inwardly…and sometimes outwardly…saying.  

I wish he was only referring to blankets and silverware.  But Aaron is also wanting his immediate family to focus on him when we are all together.  Ryker is not cooperating with that demand from Aaron just by nature of being a baby.

Today I spent lots of much needed time with Aaron.  We went to Wal-Mart, picked up Taco Bell for lunch, watched two episodes of All Creatures Great and Small, and played Yahtzee.  

While shopping, Aaron picked out a cute little yellow stuffed bee that he wants to give Ryker.  I talked to him about how the best thing he can give Ryker is his love and kindness.  I believe, from Aaron’s responses, that he really does want to do that, but his desires are overtaken by how his brain is wired.  He reacts spontaneously to his environment, no matter who he offends.  

So, we keep plugging away as we try to understand with patience the huge task in front of Aaron.  And trust me, sometimes our patience wears very thin.

Our prayer is that Aaron will learn to love sharing his love with Ryker as much as he loves sharing stuffed animals.   

Through the ups and downs of this new journey, I do not want to forget all the goodness of God that He has shown us.  The answers to our prayers have been amazing.  

May I not lose sight of the fact that even when I feel like Aaron’s heart is out of our reach, his heart is never out of God’s reach.  

Thank you to each of you who are caring and are praying.   

Uncle Aaron, The Nephew, and The Bear

Our crowd from Texas all arrived safely in three different stages on Monday night.  What a relief to have them all here at last!

Except relief is not the word that Aaron would use to describe his feelings about this situation.  

His word choice would have been “dread.”  Dread mixed in with a little anger.

But Aaron reacts this way to any situation that threatens to up-end his ordered, predictable world.

Even on the day the family was to arrive, Aaron was still letting us know that he did not want to be Uncle Aaron and he did not want to have a nephew. 

He was asleep when the last travelers arrived at 10:30, with Ryker (the nephew) in tow.  Poor little Ryker was tired of traveling and scared of all the sudden new surroundings until he was able to finally stretch his legs and do some exploring.  Then there was no stopping him!

Ryker was awake early the next morning, and so was Aaron.  Aaron walked in the room where Ryker was staying.  Andrea had just changed his diaper.  I saw Aaron’s eyes dart to Ryker but then quickly look away.

“There’s Ryker, Aaron,” I softly said.

But Aaron was very nervous, and I knew not to push.  Aaron focused solely on Andrea.  He began talking about and showing her the box for his new Batman game.  He was in his comfort zone, and it was best to leave him there.

Andrea and I went downstairs with Ryker, where Aaron soon followed, still focusing only on Andrea as he talked about games and movies…anything but “The Nephew.”  Ryker just looked at Aaron, certainly intrigued, but Aaron still refused to acknowledge his presence.

After some time, Aaron thumped back up two flights of stairs to his bedroom.  Soon we heard him coming down again.  I thought that Aaron would have a new game box to show Andrea.  

But no.  Instead, he was carrying a stuffed bear.

This wasn’t just any stuffed bear.  34 years ago, while we lived in Germany, our third child was born…Andrew.  Aaron was five years old, and he did not welcome his tiny little brother into the world.  Instead, he was uncomfortable around baby Andrew and kept his sullen distance when they visited us in the hospital.  We attributed it to normal adjustments that many children have with a new sibling.  

When we brought Andrew home from the hospital, we were concerned about how Aaron would react to his brother actually living with us.  As soon as we walked inside, Aaron looked at us and then ran back to his room.  Soon he returned carrying his favorite stuffed bear, given to him when he was born. 

“Here,” he said as he held his bear out to us.  “Andrew can have this.”

That was his way of accepting his new brother.  And for the rest of his years at home, that bear was Andrew’s bear. 

Andrew grew up and moved away.  The bear was in his closet.  One day, Aaron saw the bear and asked if he could have it.  Andrew, of course, said yes.  So, for all these years that special bear has been Aaron’s bear again.

Over this past year we have watched 39-year-old Uncle Aaron exhibit the same unaccepting behavior toward his new baby nephew as he had shown toward his new brother.  

But then…

Aaron held the bear out toward Ryker.

“Here,” he said to Andrea, “Ryker can have this.”

I was blown away as my mind wrapped around the significance of this moment.

I was taken back all those years ago to our military quarters in Germany, little Aaron handing his favorite bear to Andrew.  And now handing that very significant bear to The Nephew.  To Ryker.

I could never have orchestrated a sweeter, more meaningful way for Aaron to show his acceptance of Ryker.

Oh, thank you Lord!  

And thanks to all of you have prayed over this past year for Aaron to accept and love Ryker.  All of you have a part in the miracle we have seen over the past three days.  

Aaron has been sharing food and toys and stuffed animals with his nephew. 

But nothing he shares can surpass that first thing he shared…the little brown stuffed bear with such a story to tell of love and acceptance.

Moving (Part 2)

As I shared in my first blog, our daughter and son-in-law’s offer on a house in Wichita was accepted.  Now it was time for them to hit the ground running as they hurried to put their house near Houston on the market.

They had already been working on projects to get their house ready to be listed but there was still much to do.  My husband, Gary, drove down with all our boxes we had used during our main level remodel as well as tools that he could use to help with some projects.  

There was quite a flurry of activity during those several days.  Every inch of the house, inside and out, was being cleaned and uncluttered and repaired.  The business end of putting the house on the market was being decided.  Finally, before Gary left to come home, pictures were taken of the house…the for-sale sign was in the front yard…and soon their beautiful home was officially listed. 

We fully expected the same scenario as we had seen with Roger and Deane’s home…lots of showings and then several offers right away.  Maybe even a bidding war!

But no.  

Crickets.  

No showing notifications.  For three days!

Come on people!  We’re in a hurry to sell this house!  

And we began to learn that the Houston housing market is not at all like the Wichita market.  

During all this, when panic was at the door, I was reminded that God inhabits our praise.  It was all too easy during our worrying to forget to praise God for His goodness and for His plan, yet to be fully seen.  He gave me this truth at that time.

Finally, after three days of waiting, a showing was scheduled on the fourth day!  Surely this would be IT!

Kyle and Andrea got the house spic and span…Andrea baked cookies and had water for the potential buyers…corralled their three dogs in one car…put baby Ryker in the other…and made it out the door and drove away in time.  

Whew!!

But the potential buyers didn’t show up.  

Hopes dashed.  

So began a very stressful period for Kyle and Andrea.  They had one couple who were finally interested in their house, but their offer was unreasonable…and so was the fact that they would randomly show up at their door!

Kyle was preparing to leave for his maritime job.  He would be offshore, on a boat out in the Gulf…for a month!  We had prayed for the house to sell before he left, but God had other plans.

I flew down to help Andrea for two weeks.  I had no ulterior motives at all.  Nothing whatsoever about this little precious boy drew me to Texas!  Ha!

Before I left, Deane told me that she and Roger were praying for a cash buyer for Kyle and Andrea.  So, we joined them in that prayer.  It certainly would speed things up!

What a two weeks it was!  Our first showing was the day after I arrived.  That was the morning that Andrea had to take Kyle to get a physical before he boarded the boat and then take him to the port in Galveston.  I was at the house doing what cleaning I could while I watched Ryker, kept an eye on the dogs, tried to pick up baby and dog toys…and what was that smell?!  Had a mouse gotten in the wall and died?!

Not today!!

Thus began two weeks of crazy!  We had down times with no showings but the showings we did have made up for the times of peace.  Getting three dogs and a baby out the door in time was no easy task, all while cleaning and trying to KEEP the house clean.  

The best picture of crazy was the day that we were rushing to get ready for a showing…the second showing for this particular realtor and his clients.  That was hopeful!  We were in our usual rush, but we had time and were feeling good about things.  Then I saw a man walking to the door.

It was the realtor!  An hour early!

He wanted to go ahead and show his clients the house.  They were outside waiting in their car.  And an older couple (grandparents?) were in another car.  Andrea said no but told him we would hurry to get ready.  She quickly put the dogs in the garage.  

Then I saw Siggy, their husky, across the street in the neighbor’s yard!

There went Andrea, running across the street in front of the realtor, the clients, and the grandparents…yelling at Siggy…getting him back in the garage…trying to smile while everyone enjoyed the show!

Then we couldn’t find the misplaced car key, so we sat in the other car in the driveway while the group went in to see the house.  

And they didn’t even put in an offer!  

Time was passing!  So, to my prayer for a cash buyer, I also asked God to please let the house sell before I left Houston to return to Wichita.  

Six days before I was to leave, a realtor came to look at the house.  His clients were out of town, but he knew what they wanted.  He thought Kyle and Andrea’s house looked promising.  

And oh, his clients were cash buyers.

We tried not to be too hopeful or to assume too much.

He liked what he saw.  He made another appointment to bring his clients back to look at the house…six days later…the day I was leaving.

We managed to get out of the house 10 minutes before the showing.  A 9:00 a.m. showing was no piece of cake for our two-legged and four-legged crowd!

How we were praying!

Andrea and I were on our way to the airport, Ryker asleep in his car seat, when not far from the airport her phone rang.

Rebecca, her realtor!

“The client’s realtor called,” she said.  “He said to expect an offer this weekend.  A cash offer.”

She was calm. We were anything BUT!

She cautioned us not to be too hopeful at this point.

All I could think of was that God seemed to be in this…and I was still in Houston, like I had prayed.  At the airport, yes, but I hadn’t left yet!  I think God was smiling.

We heard nothing that day, but on the next day Andrea called.

“I got the offer,” she told us.  “It’s a cash offer for the full amount!”  

Praise God!!!

There were a few hiccups in the next couple weeks, but God worked out every detail in the best way for Kyle and Andrea.  

We are also very sensitive to the fact that there is another family who is dealing with all this in a different way than we are.  We know that Kent and Marie, Kyle’s dear parents, are sad to see them and Ryker move so far away.  

They have been nothing but supportive and kind…another reason for thankfulness and love on our part for them.  And we are all praying for their future, wondering what other miracles God might do for them.

Yesterday was closing day.  I can hardly describe my emotion when I received this picture.  

Now begins the next chapter!  

We will see how God supports our lot as He takes care of all our circumstances…including a nervous Uncle Aaron.  

Our Stocking Legacy

When each of us King babies was born, a dear family friend (Janice Vermillion) knit a stocking for us. You can see mine hanging here, a true antique now and yellowed with age – no comments, please. 😅

When each of us King kids got married, my mother knit a stocking for our spouses. When the grand babies came, she knit a stocking for each of them. She even made stockings for our pets!

As she got older and before she could no longer knit, she made extra stockings for the grandchildren. One was for their future spouse, and then extra for their future children – her future great grandchildren.

When Andrea married Kyle, my sister Jan put his name on his stocking. Then when Andrea was pregnant, Jan…the keeper of the extra stockings 😍…sent Andrea’s extra two stockings to her and Kyle so they could have one for their coming baby. Andrea chose the one she wanted for Ryker and I brought it home after one of my visits.

Yesterday, on our quiet Christmas, I put Ryker’s name on his stocking. I had a few conversations with Mom as I finished what she had started before she died. And I shed a few tears as I thought of all the love displayed not only in that one stocking, but in our row of stockings hung at our fireplace. And in the dozens and dozens of stockings she made for people all over the world.

Kyle said it so well as Andrea shared the stocking picture with him. To Ryker he said, “You’ve been loved since before you were born.”

Indeed.

Thank you, Mom, for the legacy of love you have given to us even long after you are not here. ❤❤❤❤

Moving!

I’m writing this on Christmas morning.  Usually, our Christmas morning is full of all the activity that you normally think of, but not this year.  We won’t be celebrating our Christmas until the middle of January.  I’m about to explain why.

And sorry, neighbors, but our outdoor decorations are staying up longer than ever!  HaHa!

Our daughter Andrea and her husband Kyle live in the Houston area.  They have wanted to leave the city for some time.  After little Ryker was born, that desire intensified.  Several months ago, they talked to their realtor there to start formulating a plan.  Nothing was immediate, though.  Their desire was to move to Wichita, where Gary and I live, but there was no concrete plan and no house on their radar.

Last October…on the 22nd, to be exact…I shared with Andrea the burden on my heart about their desire to move.  I told her I didn’t know how she could do that if she was working on a new lab consulting position that was in the works.  

So, I told her about a home for sale here.   Roger and Deane, friends of ours that she also knows, were getting ready to put their house on the market.  Andrea felt that it would be out of their price range, but I encouraged her to contact them anyway.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

She messaged Deane and lo and behold, the house WAS in their price range.  Thus began a crazy week of lining up a loan pre-approval and so many other details…quickly.  Very quickly!

Four days later, Roger and Deane’s realtor took pictures of their home.  They thought the house wouldn’t be on the market for another week or two, but suddenly on that same day a for-sale sign was in their yard and the house was going live the next day.  

Andrea and I talked that evening.  “I’m trying not to be heartbroken and panic at the same time,” she told me.  

This seemed insurmountable.  But during this week God had given me a verse, as He always does.  I was comforted as I read it, writing my memorial stone words in the margin beside God’s words.

“The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot.”   (Psalm 16:5)

“Kyle and Andrea buying Brown’s house.  October 2023,” I wrote.

The meaning of, “You support my lot,” is this:  You take care of my circumstances.  

What a needed promise!  Whatever happened with this house was in God’s hands.

The next day, Andrea asked if Gary and I could run over to look at the house.  Roger and Deane’s realtor had agreed to have us come and look around on behalf of Andrea and Kyle since they were out of town.  

The dream seemed to still be alive!

Off we went!  It was wonderful to see Roger and Deane.  We stressed to them that they needed to pretend that they didn’t know us or know Andrea…that this was a business deal.  Their realtor was facetiming with Andrea as she looked at the house from Houston.  What a crazy way to try to buy a house!  But God loves crazy.

Andrea and Kyle decided to put in an offer, but they needed a realtor here.  Their loan company recommended one.  Heather and Andrea talked, and in the conversation, Heather told Andrea that she might be hard to reach on Sunday mornings because she would be in church…a church that we know here.  Heather is a believer!  Another evidence of God’s hand!

The weekend was a bit stressful with offers for Roger and Deane’s beautiful home coming in…counter-offers…waiting and more waiting…realtors talking – just everything that goes along with buying a home.  

I was in the bowling alley with Aaron and our friends when my phone rang on that Monday, October 30.  It was Andrea calling.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer, but I stepped outside so I could hear whatever news it was.

“They accepted our offer!!” Andrea exclaimed.

And just like that, the dream had become a reality!

It was surreal and amazing and so hard to grasp in that moment what God had done.

How thankful we were!

One more thing.  Who are Roger and Deane?

Well, without giving too much detail, they had stood by our side 15 years ago during a very hard trial.  Stood with us when no one else in that particular group would.  And now God had brought them back into our lives to greatly bless our family again.

Isn’t God just wonderful to weave such a sweet story for all of us?!

But oh, there was so much ahead for everyone.  

So much stress to come.

And so many opportunities for God to show His hand!

I’ll share the next chapter later.  

It’s Aaron

After being out of town for several days, Gary and I returned on Monday afternoon.  Aaron was happy, happy to have us home.  But by Tuesday morning he was wishing that we were gone again, and our friends were back at the house watching him.  Re-entry to real life is often difficult for Aaron.  

And he is not the only one who finds it difficult!

Aaron was belligerent on Tuesday when faced with the reality of returning to his day group.  He was very verbal and confrontational.  It’s the side of Aaron that tests my mettle to the core.

It’s hard not to respond in kind to him.  Sometimes I do say more than I want to say, sadly.  As we drove to his day group, I really laid into him.  Not in a damaging or harmful way, but in a truthful way about how his words hurt us and why.  There are concepts that he needs to hear about how to love us even when he is angry.  How to recognize and acknowledge all we do for him instead of thinking only of himself. 

The night before, I had watched a video with him about a triangle UFO.  It’s the last thing I wanted to do.   He had called us repeatedly while we were gone, talking about this UFO video he wanted me to watch with him.

“MOM!!” he exclaimed, “it’s a triangle UFO video that’s 44:42.  Would you watch 44:42?”

Those are the minutes and seconds that he memorizes on each YouTube video that he watches, by the way.

He was ecstatic that I agreed to look it up and then to actually sit through 44:42.

So, on that next morning full of anger, he was full of remorse as I spoke truthfully to him.  As we neared his day group, he spoke softly.

“I’m glad you looked up the triangle UFO video.”

I was quiet.

“I’m glad you looked it up,” he repeated several more times before getting out of the van.

It was Aaron’s way of trying to say he was sorry.

A few hours apart worked wonders for both of us.  He was very happy when I picked him up and I was responsive once more.  I took him to the lab for some bloodwork, where he had to be poked in each arm and he flinched…something he rarely does.  My heart went out to him.  He deals with so much, even more internally in that brain of his than outwardly sometimes.

The technician gave him the plastic tourniquet to keep.  He was delighted.  I watched him walk around WalMart later, both arms with band aids and the tourniquet dangling from his fingers as if it was a prized possession.

I thought of how those small gestures…those items insignificant to us…bring him such joy. 

And it hit me that there are countless times that the seemingly insignificant, daily actions of Aaron bring us such joy…of how much I need to focus on those moments rather than the outbursts that bring hurt.

It’s Aaron at Walmart trying to hide from me because he has BOTH crescent rolls and biscuits in his hand that he wants me to buy.

It’s Aaron sitting on the floor of the store, totally oblivious to anyone around him as he checks out the peanuts on the bottom shelf.

It’s Aaron hardly able to wait until he could show me how much his sunflowers had grown while we were gone.

It’s Aaron helping clean under the kitchen table after supper.

It’s Aaron telling me he took his snacks to the snack drawer before bed.

It’s Aaron thrilled to pieces that I let him buy TWO boxes of Texas Toast.

It’s Aaron loving to do science experiments.

It’s Aaron super excited about his new volcano lamp.

It’s Aaron overjoyed because he won this light-up bouncy ball in Bingo, which he took today to show all our Meals on Wheels clients.  

It’s Aaron sitting alone in the mulch, breaking pieces into a container the same way he has done since he was a little boy.  There goes my heart.

It’s Aaron’s unique sense of style, unaffected by current trends or other’s opinions.

It’s Aaron’s unique impact on my life that I want to treasure and relish each day, even despite the hard times.  

The Reluctant Uncle Aaron

You can probably tell from the title that not a lot has changed in Aaron’s attitude about being Uncle Aaron.  

Sigh.

Aaron will still talk it to death, this idea of Uncle Aaron.  Like the day we were chatting with someone.

“My sister had a nephew!!” he suddenly exclaimed.

“Ummmm…your sister had YOUR nephew, Aaron,” I corrected.

Can’t have that unclear fact just hanging in the air, right?

The reasons for Aaron not being thrilled about his little nephew continue to mount.  To many people, the idea of not wanting to meet this sweet little guy just doesn’t make sense.  

But when you understand all the layers that make up Aaron, then it does compute.

Aaron does not like to travel.  Leaving his normal behind at home is a huge stretch for him.  He had adjusted pretty well to being at his sister’s house when we would travel there before all this Uncle Aaron business.  Andrea and Kyle had an extra bedroom that Aaron used, where he could escape to read or play a game or listen to his music during the day.  That room is now Ryker’s nursery. 

We were planning a trip with him in April, but we knew we needed to tell him about this not-so-small detail.  That, and the fact that we planned to fly, was a deal breaker for Aaron, Uncle or not.

Ryker had taken over Aaron’s room, usurping Aaron’s place in their home.

Then there is all this baby-talk silliness that Aaron hears when we facetime with his nephew.  I was having a Gramoo moment with little Ryker one day, speaking with that special baby voice that we all know.  Aaron was standing behind me.  

Softly under his breath I heard him say, “You’re weird.”  

It hit me that we have another element of just how huge this is for Aaron.  He does not like any talking that he considers unusual or, as he often says, is weird.  

Baby talk from Gramoo is most very definitely…weird.

So Ryker, in Aaron’s mind, is responsible for this weirdness. 

We often find ourselves, or others, saying, “If Aaron just…”. 

If Aaron just this or if Aaron just that.  

But Aaron doesn’t JUST do anything outside of his norm very easily.  Autism rules his world.  He can’t tell you a thing about what autism is, but his life shows you many things that autism does…how it affects every facet of his life.  

We think little Ryker would get a big kick out of Aaron, especially the way Aaron runs his fingers together over and over when he talks.  We have told Aaron over and over how much his nephew would love Uncle Aaron, but Aaron is still unmoved.  

Aaron does often smile when he sees pictures and videos of Ryker.   When Aaron plays a Nintendo game he has about taking care of babies, he names his baby Ryker.  All these signs are encouraging.

But the hardest part for Aaron, and the saddest for all of us, is that Aaron wonders about his place now in our family.  This little interloper has come in and is, to Aaron, a competitor for our love.

We have had many conversations with Aaron about how nothing has changed as to how much we love him, and always will.

We have explained how hearts grow as a family grows…how we have room in our hearts for both Aaron and Ryker.  

“You mean I’m not being pushed out of the love?” Aaron asked after one such conversation.  

And my growing heart hurt for Aaron, for his inability to process all this change and for his fear of being replaced by his little nephew.  

It’s also been a lot for Gary and me to process and understand, to accept and to not be angry or bitter.  

We have our moments, our ups and downs with all of it, wishing that we could just be a normal family.  

Yet we also see God’s hand of grace in our lives and have learned to continue to trust His plan in giving us Aaron.  

I keep going back to the verse that God gave me the morning after Andrea and Kyle shared with us their wonderful news about a coming grandbaby.

            “…we have fixed our hope on the living God…”  (I Timothy 4:10)

I knew then that we would have some struggles, but I never knew just how many there would be.

But God knew.  

And I DO know that His knowing hand is all I need to know.