My Dad’s Heritage

My Dad was color blind.  We five children thought that this was very fascinating, but also very funny.  Now don’t get me wrong.  We were not cruel, but we grew up in a family full of humor and laughter.  Dad was often the brunt of our joking.  I have written about it in the past, telling about some of the elaborate jokes we played on him, often with the help of my fun-loving mom.

I remember how we loved to ask Dad what color the trees were because pine trees, for instance, looked red to him.  Peas and carrots looked the same color to him.  Mom would decorate the house at Christmas with lots of blue because Dad could see blue.  And she quit wearing her pretty pink Avon lipstick and nail polish when Dad finally told her that her lips and nails looked blue. 

One day, many years later and with my own children, I was driving down the Autobahn in Germany.  I passed a bright pink truck. 

“Look!” said little Aaron, “there’s a blue truck!”

And I knew that Aaron, like my Dad, was color blind.

He’s proven it over the years as he talks about the color of certain items.  One of the funniest is our daughter’s dog, Darcy.  Aaron calls Darcy the green dog.  😊

One day not too long ago, Aaron was discussing his color blindness.  We have told him many times about Granddaddy being color blind and that Aaron gets his color blindness from him.

“Mom,” Aaron commented that day, “I’m taking over what Granddaddy was.”

Aaron has the most uncanny, God-given ability to put profound truth into his concise and unexpected comments.

I know without a doubt that my dad was the kind of man that any of us who knew him would want to say what Aaron did…that we are taking over what he was.

That we are becoming…or are…even a small part of the wise, godly, and loving man that he was.

My Dad didn’t leave his five children with a huge earthly inheritance, but he left us with something far more valuable.

“Better is the little of the righteous than the abundance of many wicked.  The Lord knows the days of the blameless, and their inheritance will be forever.”   (Psalm 37: 16,18)

The word “inheritance” actually means “heritage.”

I’m so thankful that my Dad walked with God.  He exhibited such kindness and caring to absolutely every person he knew.  He met the needs of everyone that he possibly could.  Oh, the stories I could tell!

You know, everything done in the past…for all of us…is over.  Only the effects of those actions remain. 

That is our true heritage.

So, at this time as we celebrate fathers, I just want to honor mine by saying that he truly is a man who left his children and grandchildren the best heritage there could ever be.

Dad, I want to take over what you were.

A Ruined Heart

I’ve written before about the special relationship Aaron has with Carl, one of our Meals on Wheels clients.  Carl has taken a special liking to Aaron and loves to give him things.  Sometimes Carl will even give me a small gift like a flower from his yard, or a picture. 

Carl loves to see Aaron’s delight and Aaron loves BEING delighted.  Carl asked me once if he was doing too much.   I told him that he doesn’t need to give Aaron things every week.   Yet most weeks Carl does have a little something for Aaron.

Today Aaron took a bag of dog treats that he wanted to give to Lucky, Carl’s dog.  I love it when Aaron wants to do the giving, so I agreed.  When we got to Carl’s house, he invited us in so that Aaron could give Lucky her treat.  Feeble old Lucky hobbled over to Aaron and happily took the dog bone from Aaron’s hand.  Aaron handed the bag of treats to Carl, happy as he could be that Lucky liked the bone and that he could give her more.

I could tell that Carl didn’t have anything for Aaron, and that was perfectly fine.  But then Carl reached down beside his chair and picked up a shopping bag in which was a can of Maxwell House Coffee.  He asked me if we like coffee and then wanted me to take the bag.

I did not want him to give me that coffee so I thanked him but said no.  I told him that I had just bought coffee, which was true, and that he needed to keep his coffee. 

Surprisingly, Aaron was quiet during our exchange.  He and I left, but as we walked to the car Aaron spoke very quietly to me.

“You ruined his heart,” Aaron softly said.

Wow.

That almost stopped me in my tracks.

Aaron kept saying that to me over and over as we made our last two deliveries and then headed to lunch.  We talked a lot about it and I believe that Aaron understands why I did not take the coffee. 

But still, Aaron felt so bad that Carl wanted to give us something and I said no.  Aaron wasn’t concerned about the fact that he didn’t get any gift today.

No.  He was worried about Carl’s heart…about hurting Carl’s feelings.

He knows that giving a gift is a good thing for the giver more than the one doing the getting.

I’m pretty blown away by that perception on Aaron’s part.

Blown away by the very insightful way that Aaron verbalized his thoughts.

Aaron loves to give things away, but I never realized that he has empathy and understanding toward others who are doing the giving.

He knows that the joy he feels when giving is also felt by others who are giving to him.

I can also see that the kindness of Carl…and of others like him in Aaron’s life…is causing kindness to blossom in Aaron.

Sometimes Aaron can be the very opposite of kind, quite honestly.  We talked some about how his words can ruin hearts.  But whatever is going on with Aaron and with his words and behaviors, I hope that I will pause and remember Aaron’s words.

You ruined his heart.

May that never be what I do to anyone, and especially not to this special son that God has given to us. 

A Good Place with Each Other

Aaron has a very special friend at his day group, Paradigm.  Her name is Victoria.  From the time Victoria first started attending Paradigm, she and Aaron just hit it off.  They became fast friends. 

Developing and maintaining relationships can be very tricky and difficult for Aaron.  We understand Aaron better than anyone does but even with us he can be full of relational surprises.  The tone of our voice…a particular hand motion…not following in his rigid demands…   There are so many ways that Aaron can suddenly become upset and angry with those of us who know him best.  Imagine the pitfalls of combining all the special needs and personalities in his day group!

But there is something very real and incredibly sweet about his relationship with Victoria.  She squeals and jumps with delight when he walks into Paradigm.  She misses him terribly when he isn’t there. 

And Aaron…well, Aaron (as far as we know!) tolerates her noises because he sees how much she cares for him.  He even shows empathy when a storm comes and Victoria is very scared, or when she is sad about something. 

Who can explain love? 

One thing I do know is that all of us, on whatever level we operate, want and need to be loved.

Aaron is an open book as he attempts to analyze and understand his feelings for Victoria.

One day, after an altercation with someone at Paradigm, Aaron was pondering Victoria’s reaction to that person.

“Mom, Victoria told N not to bother her boyfriend.  Am I the boyfriend?”

Another time, as he talked to me about Victoria, he revealed more of his thoughts.

“Mom, would she be happy for me to tell her I think she’s a girlfriend?”

Gary and I have tried over the years to stress the relationship of friendship rather than boyfriend/girlfriend.  But no attempts on our part to redirect his thinking on this can squelch the feelings in his heart. 

“Mom,” he commented one day, “Victoria and I seem to match each other.”

Who can argue with that? 

Then one day came this nugget of hilarious wisdom.

“Mom, every time I burp, Victoria laughs at me.  And when I make the farting noise like this, Victoria makes it too.  I think we’re right for each other!”

Love is a many splendored thing, right?  😊

Recently, our friend Barb from Paradigm sent some pictures she took as she walked with Aaron and Victoria to the popcorn shop nearby.  As Barb said, this was so genuine and sweet.

I cried when I looked at them. 

And I thought of another comment that Aaron had made about their relationship.

“Mom, can you tell that Victoria and I have a good place with each other?”

Yes, Aaron. 

And I think it’s a very good place to be.

A Donut With a Side of Autism

Yesterday our friend, Karlea, tagged me in a FB post from our nearby donut shop.  Paradise Donuts was reminding all their customers that it was National Donut Day, and that they were giving everyone a FREE donut.  Karlea just knew that Aaron would love stopping in for a donut.  Soon I was explaining National Donut Day to Aaron, asking him if he wanted to stop on our way to his day group for a donut.  YAY!!

NOT yay.

I must backtrack a bit to explain.  Nearly every day at Paradigm (Aaron’s day group), Antoine or another staff will take Aaron to the nearby QuikTrip.  I send money with Aaron, and he is able to buy something to eat and drink.  He absolutely loves this small outing.  His QuikTrip visit is ingrained into his routine now.

Back to yesterday.

Me:  Aaron, today is National Donut Day.  Paradise Donuts is giving away a free donut to everyone that comes in.  Would you like to stop there on our way to Paradigm?  We can get a free donut!

Aaron:  No.

Me:  What?  You don’t want a donut?  A FREE donut?!

Aaron (a little more emphatically):  No!

Me:  Why don’t you want a donut?

Aaron:  I want to go to QuikTrip.

Me:  I’m still sending money and you can still go to QuikTrip.

Aaron:  I like Antoine taking me to QuikTrip for food.

Me:  Antoine will still take you to QuikTrip for food. 

Aaron:  I like QuikTrip food, NOT a donut!

Me:  But you like donuts.  Just a few days ago you were happy that we stopped to get donuts.

Aaron:  I like Antoine taking me to QuikTrip more than you taking me for a donut!

These conversations usually lead to personal insults as Aaron attempts to drive home the fact that on Paradigm days…almost always…QuikTrip is what he does and where he goes for food and fun. 

Nothing will deter him from his routine. 

Not even a donut.

Not with Mom.

I dropped it like a hot donut and took Aaron to Paradigm.

Later, when I picked Aaron up, he told me about his day.

Aaron:  Mom, they had donuts at Paradigm for donut day.

Me:  Oh, that’s fun!  Did you eat one?

Aaron:  No.

Me:  You didn’t eat a donut?!

Aaron:  No.

Me:  Why not?!

Aaron:  I didn’t want one.  I wanted to go to QuikTrip.

I decided to just drop it.  Aaron didn’t see me shaking my head.

After a few moments of silence:

Aaron:  Antoine took me to QuikTrip!

Me:  Good!  What did you buy today?

Aaron:  I bought two donuts.

There are not enough letter combinations in the English alphabet for me to form enough words to voice what I was thinking and feeling and wanting to say at that moment.

Just as well.

Laughter is far better than lectures during these times.

BUT I WANT A DONUT!!!!!