Several years ago, I had an experience with a small weed in one of my front yard flower beds.
I had become so busy with my other gardening that I had put off the task of pulling that little weed. It didn’t seem like such a big deal. The outward growth, though, hid what was happening under the ground, out of sight.
Here is what I wrote:
One hot day as I worked among my flowers, I looked down and saw that this little weed had grown significantly. Still, it wasn’t huge but it sure was larger than I had noticed before. Silly me, I thought. Why have I been waiting to pull this once-little weed? I just need to get rid of it now, I reasoned. I reached down and gave the weed a pull, and nothing happened. I pulled a bit harder, and still the weed didn’t budge. I gripped harder on the small growth, gave a firmer yank, and still it sat firm in its place in the dirt. This small, harmless weed was certainly being stubborn! It wasn’t letting go of its foothold very easily at all! I was so deceived by the small growth that I could see that I was in turn shocked by its apparently deep growth in the soil. I once again got a firmer hold, jiggled the weed back and forth, pulled with all my might and finally out came the root. What a surprise! The root was very long – much longer in proportion to the rest of the plant. While I had procrastinated about getting rid of the little weed or argued with myself about how harmless the little weed was, this small weed was growing a deep root system that could have damaged or killed my pretty Coreopsis. There was no excuse for my neglect – a wise gardener knows better.
Sometimes I let attitudes fester in my heart…attitudes that are, quite frankly, sin. It’s easy to say, “Well, now, you have every right to feel that way. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
And every time I give myself that little pep talk, I am letting that root grow deeper and deeper in my life until it’s not so little anymore.
I have been keenly aware of this fact as Gary and I care for Aaron. Usually after a stressful period, often involving Aaron’s anger, we find ourselves talking together as we try to understand him and handle his issues in the right way. So often, solutions are hard to come by. The effects of living long-term with him spill over into every area of our lives. We go back 17 years to the time we were making decisions about his future.
Did we make the right choices? We were headed in one direction and the doors closed. Or did they?
I am constantly reminding myself that all those years ago we were seeking God’s will and we were desiring to walk in that path of God’s choosing for us and for Aaron. I must consciously trust God today with our past decisions…decisions that touch us in ways today that we never dreamed.
The impact of having Aaron with us now affects our “golden years” in so many unforeseen ways. We know that future decisions will be upon us some day, but there is a bigger issue for me right now.
That issue is bitterness. How easy it is to find ourselves saying, “If it wasn’t for Aaron, we could do this or that, go here or there, etc., etc., etc.”
And soon my eyes are on the hindrances of life with Aaron rather than the joy of being in God’s will…of doing His work within the walls of our home…of loving Aaron and caring for him.
We are physical creatures. We get tired. We get discouraged.
And sadly, we compare ourselves to others in those vulnerable moments when we’re scrolling through social media or having conversations.
Before I know it, the bitter root is taking deeper root in my heart. And while I understand that my feelings are normal, I also know that I cannot let myself perch there.
I must not settle for a life of bitterness.
These verses spoke to me so deeply this morning:
“O Lord, lead me in Your righteousness because of my foes; make Your way straight before me.” (Psalm 5:8)
My foes…my enemies…are those attitudes within me that contradict what God says is right. A big one is this issue of bitterness over the result of God’s past leading.
We trusted Him then to put us on the right path, and so we can trust Him now to provide all we need to face the results of walking on that path.
I need God’s leading and His righteousness to overcome that bitter root that seeks to take hold. Here is the result of trusting Him:
“Let all who take refuge in You be glad; let them ever sing for joy; and may You shelter them, that those who love Your name may exult in You.” (Psalm 5:11)
Paul told the believers in Ephesus that through the power of the Holy Spirit, they could be rooted and grounded in love.
Not rooted in bitterness but rooted in love…the love of Christ seen in their lives.
I must stop and check where I am allowing my roots to grow. We all do, right? We have so many hurts in life…so many stresses that pile up around us.
O Lord, lead me in Your righteousness. Do not allow me to lead myself into bitterness.
I love this old hymn. The lyrics speak well to each of us, wherever we are in our life of following Christ.
He leadeth me, O blessed thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.
Refrain:
He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
By His own hand He leadeth me;
His faithful foll’wer I would be,
For by His hand He leadeth me.
Sometimes ’mid scenes of deepest gloom,
Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
By waters still, o’er troubled sea,
Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.
Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.
And when my task on earth is done,
When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
Since God through Jordan leadeth me.
(Joseph H. Gilmore)
He Said What?! 