Category: Peace

Working in the Dark

A couple months ago I looked out our kitchen window above our sink.  And there, to my dismay, was a tunnel web built by a hard-working spider.  The web was between our window and the screen.

Now spiders and I don’t get along too well.  Yet, despite my instinct to get rid of that spider and his web, I had a degree of respect for his hard work and so I let him stay. 

He was very industrious.  He built his web larger and longer as time went by.  One recent day, as Gary worked outside, he decided to use his blower to get rid of the web and hopefully the spider.  Good-bye spider.  Time to go!

But the next morning I went to the window and there was a fresh new web.  That spider had worked during the dark night to rebuild his web and start over.  Impressive, I must say.

I thought of this as I remembered a devotional I had read not long ago from Streams in the Desert.  The author talked about how the children of Israel came to the Red Sea after God led them out of Egypt.  Their situation seemed hopeless at that point.

But God sent a strong east wind all that night and caused the sea to part.  He gave a cloud that provided light and led the Israelites through the sea on dry land.

All seemed lost, but God worked in the night.  The dark didn’t stop Him.

Our dark times don’t stop God, either.  We may not see what He is doing but He has not quit working His best in our lives during the dark times.

In fact, it’s during those times when I can’t see Him working that my trust in Him has grown. 

I don’t have to see His work to trust that He IS working. 

If my trust depends on my sight, then I’m not trusting Him.  I’m trusting what I can see. 

In the morning, I saw how hard our spider worked during the night.

Likewise, someday I’ll see how hard God has worked in my dark times.

“For You light my lamp; the Lord my God illumines my darkness.”   (Psalm 18:28)

Aaron’s Move: Don’t Disappoint Me

Monday night was Aaron’s first night in his new home, and our first night without him in our home.  I woke up Tuesday morning, unplugged my phone to take with me, and automatically reached for Aaron’s baby monitor. 

Old habits die hard.  Fresh tears came quickly.  I had been out of bed less than a minute when I was hit full force with the reality that Aaron wasn’t here…that I didn’t need the baby monitor with me to listen for seizures. 

Then I checked my phone and saw that I had missed a call from Aaron.  His house has a phone, and I hadn’t heard his call.  I felt so terrible!

But then he called again and I quickly answered.  He sounded good, though tired.  He immediately asked when he could come home.

“For a visit?” I asked.

“No,” he answered. “To stay.”

I felt my heart being ripped out again as I told him that he couldn’t stay but that we would see him on Thursday for Meals on Wheels and lunch.

Then he asked if Gary and I could come over to his house that afternoon for a visit.  We were leery of visiting so soon, worried that it would upset him and he wouldn’t want us to leave without him.

“Aaron,” I said, “we’re afraid you’ll want to come home with us and you’ll be upset.”

“No,” he insisted, “I won’t ask to come home.  Please don’t disappoint me.”

And there went my heart and my tears, which I tried hard to hide from Aaron in my voice.

Gary and I talked about it and prayed about whether we should go see Aaron so soon.  We needed to get him a phone, and we would have to show him how to use it, so we made the decision to go and trust the Lord to let it be a good visit.

We pulled up in the driveway and soon Aaron burst out the front door.

“HEY!!” he yelled. 

“HEY!!” we yelled back.

Then came hugs and huge smiles and lots of talking.  He was so happy to see us and we were the same.  Victoria was thrilled to see us, too.  She stayed right there with us in Aaron’s room.  It was “honey this and honey that” as she talked to Aaron. 

The visit was great.  Aaron would rush in and out of his room as he talked to the staff.

“My mom said to tell you…” he would tell them. 

Or, “My mom wanted to know….”

“No, I didn’t!” I would add. 

They’re getting to know Aaron. 

As we left, Aaron gave us more hugs but didn’t ask even once if he could come home.  Gary and I drove home feeling huge relief and joy.  God gave us a very sweet gift yesterday despite our concern.

It felt so good that we didn’t disappoint Aaron.

And even better that God didn’t disappoint us.

This morning in my study of Psalms, I read chapter 6.

“I am weary with my sighing; every night I make my bed swim. I dissolve my couch with my tears.  My eye has wasted away with grief….”

“For the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping.  The Lord has heard my supplication; the Lord receives my prayer.”

“Prayer doesn’t change things, but prayer lays hold of God Who changes things and Who, in prayer, changes you.”  (Dale Davis)

This is such an important truth for those who are believers.  Sometimes the biggest change that comes when I pray isn’t that God changes my situation.  It’s that He changes ME.  As I submit to His will and His plan, even if I can’t see it…or I see it and don’t like it…He honors my trust in Him by giving me incredible peace and strength. 

Sometimes our prayers are the sound of weeping.  That’s all we can muster.

“God can even make out what your tears long for.”  (Dale Davis)

God doesn’t even need our words.  He just wants our trust.  And as I experience God’s presence and peace, I can’t help but praise Him for that.

I looked out my favorite upstairs window last night.  Once again, God didn’t disappoint.  His artistry was a beautiful ending to our day.

And the artistry of His peace for us as we see His care for Aaron and His soothing of our broken hearts is also a beautiful thing to see.

The God Who Girds Me

I was awake again this morning before 5:00.  My body wasn’t the only thing tossing and turning.  So was my mind, filled with concerns of decisions looming large.

Confidence during the daylight hours usually becomes impossibilities in the dark.

I finally just got out of bed.  For the past few days, after my regular morning Bible study, I have been randomly opening my Bible and looking down to see what God has for me.  I love doing this.  God’s Word is truly not only sharp and powerful but also very full of comfort and peace.

My eyes landed on Isaiah 45: 5-6. 

“I am the Lord and there is no other; besides Me there is no God.  I WILL GIRD YOU…”

Gird is an interesting word.  I looked up the Hebrew word, and it means to belt; to encompass.

But what does God gird me with?

Psalm 18: 32 says that God will gird me with strength.

Ephesians 6:10 says to be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.  And then Paul goes on to describe how we are to put on the armor of God.  The first piece of the armor?

The belt of truth.  The old English says, “Having GIRDED your loins with truth.”

OK, so what does all this word study mean to me today?

Simply put, it means that instead of allowing my mind to wander off into worry as I focus on my circumstances, I am to instead intentionally grab the belt of God’s truth and wrap it around my waist. 

The phrase, “Don’t be caught with your pants down,” comes to mind.

I think God understands humor, but really, isn’t this the truth?

God says there’s no reason to be unprepared for the stresses of this life. 

I need to buckle my belt when I toss and turn in the dark and allow worries to fill my mind. 

I need to tighten my belt when I face each new day with its challenges and fears.

It’s the belt of truth. And the truth is, as Isaiah said in 45:6 – “…from the rising to the setting of the sun there is no one besides Me.  I am the Lord, and there is no other.”

It’s the belt of strength…God’s strength.

God promises to gird me…to encompass me with His truth and His sweet presence in my life. 

But also to gird me with strength to fight Satan’s attacks of doubt and worry.

There is no one besides Him to fill me with peace.

No one besides Him to hold me in His arms and to speak to me assuring promises from His precious word.   

No one besides Him to give me strength and resolve to face today, and especially tomorrow, girded up and ready to go forward.

It’s A Matter of Time

On a recent Saturday afternoon, Gary and I were getting ready to attend an anniversary celebration for some dear friends.  Aaron was not one bit happy that we were leaving.  Who knows why?  Autistic Aaron is all about his schedule, his established routine, his expectations…

And his timing.

We were leaving the house just after 2:00.

“Mom!”  Aaron said, “can you be back by 3:00?”

“We’ll try, Aaron,” I answered.

“Or 2:59?” he added.

We smiled as we got in the car.  One minute to Aaron is a huge deal!

Later, as we walked in the house, I looked at my phone.

It was 2:57!  Yay for us!!!  

Or not.

The fact that we were two minutes early did not impress Aaron like I hoped it would.

He was instead still stewing and brewing over the fact that we left him in the first place.  

Aaron teaches me a lot about my relationship to God.  This incident was no exception.

I thought about this time issue as I read Psalm 31:14 this week.

            “My times are in Your hand.”

Short and simple, but so profound.

Aaron wanted our times to be in his hand on that Saturday.  He wanted to be in control of our coming and going.

All too often I’m that way with my life, and especially with the lives of those I love.  I say I trust God but sometimes, deep down, I want to control the timing of things I want to see happen.  

Like I’m looking at God and saying, “How about 2:59?”

Dale Davis wrote, “When he (David) speaks of ‘times’, he doesn’t mean merely his life span but all the kaleidoscope of circumstances that meet him left and right.  Calvin rightly draws attention to the plural form – “times,’ and says that David uses it to mark the variety of casualties by which the life of man is usually harassed.”

We all know that life is full of things we wish hadn’t happened, weren’t happening now, or weren’t on our horizon.

But for the follower of God…for those who can truthfully say like David did: “You are my God.” – we can follow those words with the ones that David said: “My times are in Your hand.”

And then leave it there.

“But I trust in the Lord, I will rejoice and be glad in Your lovingkindness, because You have seen my affliction; You have known the troubles of my soul, and You have not given me over into the hand of the enemy; You have set my feet in a large place.”

A Shining Light Among The Broken

Aaron followed me into the dining room one day.  I wasn’t paying attention to him behind me as I worked on our Christmas village. 

“Mom, look!” Aaron said.

I turned to see him staring intently at our little tree that is full of my Grandma Holly’s handmade ornaments, made with love so many years ago.  This was a pre-lit tree, but as so often happens, those bulbs had long since burned out.  I had replaced them with another strand of lights but left the unlit lights on the tree – hidden, so I thought, by the new lights. 

“This light bulb doesn’t work!” Aaron exclaimed.  And as his eyes roamed over the tree branches, he pointed out other broken small bulbs. 

“Here’s another one!” he said.  “And here…and here…and here,” he continued as he pointed to each one.

 I see brokenness all around me.  I see it as I walk through the stores…as I pick Aaron up from his special need’s day group…as we deliver for Meals on Wheels…in the prayers asked for family and friends…and sitting all around me in church.

And I see brokenness when I look in my mirror.

We all have those hidden struggles and deep pains that keep us awake at night.  

Broken lights.

I think Christmas is the time of year where we see most clearly that there is nothing we can do to manufacture true peace in our souls.

We shop, put up beautiful lights and decorations, bake the best treats, send and receive the cards…

But deep deep down our particular broken areas of hurt and worry remain.  No amount of self-help can take it away.

Yet a light does shine among our broken lights.

WHO we celebrate, or should, is the answer to our broken.

“There was the true Light which, coming into the world, enlightens every man.”  (John 1:9)

“Christmas is a brilliant remembrance of the grace and mercy of God.”  (Albert Mohler)

Our answer is in the Light of the world, Jesus.  

Our broken areas are still there, but the light of Jesus can shine the brightest in our lives if we just let Him do so.  

Our answer is not within us.  It’s outside of us, through Jesus.

God sent Jesus, His Son, to live an unbroken life in this broken world so that we could know God through Him.  

Jesus came TO us so that we could have hope IN us.

We can still point out the broken lights in our lives, but the true Light can shine the brightest if we believe in and receive Jesus, God’s greatest gift to us.

And His light will never be broken.

Aaron’s Joy to The World

Today after I picked Aaron up from his day group, we went to our vision center to get Aaron’s bent glasses un-bent.  This will not be the last time we do this.

Aaron was super excited to show me the Christmas antler headband he had gotten at his day group.  Of course, he grabbed it as we left the car and put it on his head as we walked in the door to the vision center.

I saw three other people sitting in the glasses area and thought our wait would be too long so I told Aaron we should just try again tomorrow.

This Plan B of mine was not acceptable to Aaron.

The poor new-to-us receptionist that was headed around the corner to the waiting area was suddenly waylaid by Aaron before I could even grab one of his antlers.  

“HEY!” he loudly exclaimed to her.  “Can I stay and get my glasses adjusted?”

She stammered as I began to tug on Aaron’s coat while explaining to her that we would come back tomorrow because the wait might be too long.

“No,” Aaron said, “can I get my glasses fixed now?  They’re bent!”

“Well, sure,” she kindly responded, “you can get them fixed today.”

“But I think we should come tomorrow,” I began.

But Aaron was taking off his glasses and reached out to hand them to her.

“Here!!” he said, “can you fix them?”

I had to explain that she was not the glasses fixer as she went back to her chair and signed Aaron in and my fate was sealed.

“Wait!” Aaron blurted out as we sat down.  “Since we might have to wait, I need to get my sticker book out of the car.”

He was gone in a flash while I watched him from the window and hit the unlock button on my app.

The car would not unlock.

I tried again.  Aaron stood there staring at me in the window and shaking his head no.

So out the door I went, got the door unlocked, and Aaron grabbed his book before walking briskly back to the waiting room.

Just as we walked in, the technician who knows us smiled broadly as she called Aaron’s name.  

Actually, everyone knows us if I have Aaron with me.

This lady is the kindest person and she loves Aaron.  She complimented his green sparkly reindeer antlers and then asked to see his latest sticker book.  She took all the time in the world to talk to him, all the while with a huge grin on her face and true delight.  

He was already busily filling his sticker book page as she got up to go in the back and work on his glasses.  The page wouldn’t stay open, so he took the mirror on the table beside him and put it on the page to hold it open.  He acted perfectly at home to do that.  

I just relaxed in my chair.  It felt good to take a breath after our very hectic and loud entrance.  It was a big relief to be with someone who knows Aaron and who loves to talk to him.  

Aaron didn’t see anything at all amiss about his loudness.  He was totally unaware that all eyes were on him.

But me…even after all these years I still feel the eyes of the people around us and I struggle sometimes with embarrassment.

Yet I looked at Aaron sitting there, green antlers and all, with the mirror holding his book open and his eyes intent on each sticker being placed just right…

And I thought how to Aaron, everything in that moment was just right, too.  He was getting his glasses adjusted and he was talking to someone who truly was interested in his every word, and he finished the picture he had started.

I looked around and saw the other technicians smiling at Aaron and at me.  His comments were delighting them.

Aaron moved the mirror and gathered his book up after we were done.  He was up and off without even a goodbye as our friend just laughed with…joy.

That was it, I thought.  Joy.

I saw other patients smiling at us as we walked out, Aaron’s green antlers shining as he led the way to the door and the car.

There it was again as we passed them.  Joy.

It was on their faces.  I wondered what was on my face when we first came in the waiting room.  I can tell you it wasn’t joy.

There are plenty of times that Aaron exasperates me but today it did me lots of good to pause and see that Aaron does have his unique and uninhibited way of spreading his own brand of joy to others.  

I want to remember this day.

Green antlers and all.

An Enemy and A River

I felt the knots in my stomach as Tuesday’s election results came in, and the reality of the results became clear.  

Is this really happening in America, I wondered?  

I felt a heaviness and a deep sadness for so many reasons.  I know God is in control but that punch in the gut was there for me just the same.

I had decided on that day that I would re-visit the book of Joshua in my morning quiet time the following day.   And there it was that morning, such a clear and encouraging truth from God.  One I have known for years but need to hear again in times such as these.

God had led Israel across the wilderness, despite their disobedience, and brought them to this place of promise.

But Moses had just died.  Their leader was gone when they needed him the most.

Ahead of them was a strong enemy nation, extremely violent and ungodly.  Israel didn’t even have an army.

There was also the matter of the Jordan River.  God led them to the river at flood stage, the worst time for crossing.

Could things be more dismal or hopeless?

But this was all part of God’s plan.  His timing is always perfect – in HIS eyes, that is.  Very often, not in ours.

God didn’t let a funeral or a strong enemy or a raging river stop Him.

“Moses is dead.  Now cross the Jordan,” God said.

Moses died, but God’s faithfulness did not.

This is what we all need to remember as we look at the fearful prospects of what is happening in our country.  Or as we experience the turmoil and stress of our lives in our homes and families.

God’s promise to Israel is also His promise to each of His followers today.

Listen to what God told Joshua:

“No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life.  Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you.  I will not fail you or forsake you.”   (Joshua 1:5)

And hear what God says to believers today:

“…I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you, so that we confidently say, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.  What will man do to me?”   (Hebrews 13:5-6)

The phrase, “I will not fail you,” in Joshua means that God will not relax His grip.

God will not let go of us who follow Him.

He is holding us as we see the rise of socialism and communism in America.

But He is also gripping our hand during every stress we face behind the walls of our own homes.  

I took these two pictures on the same day, at sunrise and sunset.  Let’s remember:

            “From the rising of the sun…

           

  to its setting…

            the name of the Lord is to be praised.”   (Psalm 113:3)

Great is His faithfulness!

You Never Do That To Me!

One of Aaron’s biggest struggles is with jealousy.  And sadly, he is often the most jealous of the attention that we pay to our grandchildren.

Being Uncie Aaron is not always the joy to him that we hoped it would be.

On Saturday, Gary took Ryker for a ride around our yard on his riding lawn mower.   (No worries – the blades were up).  Sure enough, Aaron took note and soon said the all too familiar, “You never do that to me!”

So, Gary looked at Aaron and said, “Hop on!”

It was hilarious to look at Aaron sitting on Gary’s lap.  Aaron was really too big to fit and it was very awkward.  But good for Gary to give it a go!  And he could only go in reverse, which made it even funnier.  

How many times we have talked to Aaron about his place in our family as we assure him of our love!  

I was thinking about this as I continued my study in Nehemiah today.  Those that worked to restore the walls of Jerusalem, the temple, and the worship shared many various duties and positions.

Some were in high positions of leadership while others carried wood or cleaned up the many messes that were made.  Yet each person was appointed by God to the job he had for them.

Do you ever wonder about your place in life?  

Maybe you once held a position that is now gone.  

Or you never had a chance to prove that you could do what that other person is doing.  

Perhaps life has radically changed for you because of your health issues or age or finances or…you fill in the blank.

It’s so tempting to look at God and say, like Aaron, “God, you never do that for me!”

Comparison to others is the robber of joy.

Social media can be a real problem in this area.  I can be just fine and out of the blue see a post that makes me wish for something I don’t have.  

It can be any number of things, but the result is the same.

Ugly jealousy.

Discontent.

And if I don’t nip it in the bud, I might begin questioning God.

When we started our married life, Gary and I never dreamed that we would have a child with special needs.

Caregiving is not a life of leisure and does not allow for spontaneity in our lives.  Caring for Aaron is our life.  

We must consider him first in everything we do.

Your struggles are probably different from mine, but each of us do have those areas of raw questions that we may not share with anyone else but God.

Oh, but God!

He has given me that visual of Aaron riding on Gary’s lap to remind me that what I may desire is not His place for me.

I wouldn’t fit there.

God has put me here, where I am.  

If I don’t believe that then I am not living in obedience and trust to the God Who really does love me.

The God Who has put me in this place in His family for a specific reason.

So Lord, help me to get off that tractor where I sometimes want to be. 

Change my “You never do that to me!” to “Thank you for what you do FOR me in this place where you have put me!”

Burping and Serving

A friend posted a story on Facebook today that deeply touched me.  A prisoner talked about the huge impact made on a rough group of fellow prisoners and himself by none other than a nondescript janitor who had worked for years at the prison.  This little woman spoke to those hardened men as she held her broom and her words were used by God to pierce their hard hearts with the gospel.  

He said, “Because that janitor, a woman without a title, without a stage – she delivered a sermon that still gets me choked up.  She didn’t come to save us.  She came to serve.  And in doing so, she became the loudest gospel I’d ever heard.”

Our family has been through some tough times lately.  Even though the worst is hopefully over, by God’s grace, things are still upended in several ways.  Last week I knew that we were entering into a time where we as parents and grandparents would be needed daily.  I was wondering how we would do it all.  My wondering and planning were quickly turning into worry, and even into dread.

A week ago yesterday was the first day of our “new” duty, so to speak.  And in the very early quiet of that morning, God reached down through what I was already reading and spoke perfect words of encouragement to me.  

“Set your mind on things that are above…”. (Colossians 3:2)

God reminded me that what I needed to do was remember that every act of service I do is really for Him.  To set my mind on serving Him through even the most mundane acts is such a joy.  And truly, this week God has given me strength and peace and joy that can only come through Him.  

That very afternoon I had a call from a precious friend.  I was so excited to tell her how God broke through my dread and worry and instead gave me such settled peace and joy.  This friend cares for her family so well, including her special needs son.

“Why is it,” I asked her, “that we so often think we have to go to the mission field before we’re really serving the Lord when He gives us all these ways to serve Him in our own families?”

Every mile driven.

Every baby burped.

Every poopy diaper changed.

Every song sung.

Every story told.

Every ball thrown.

Every bubble blown.

Every meal cooked.

Every cheek kissed.

Set my mind on things above, God.  On You.  On the joy of serving You as I love and help my family.

That little prison janitor touched toughened hearts through her acts of service.  Her stage was a prison meeting room, holding her broom and mop, her dirty bucket of water sitting beside her.

God loves using the weak things of this world to confound the mighty.  

Jesus washed feet.  

He touched lepers and unclean women.

He ate with sinners, with those who were cast out of proper society.

What stage do you have today where God can use you to serve Him?

Holding a baby?

Holding a book to read to your child?

Holding a door for the one in the wheelchair?

Holding a crying friend?

Holding the hand of your dying spouse?

Oh, may we not desire the center stage with the lights and the applause.

May we instead desire, and fully realize, that serving God right where He has put us in the center of His will is the very best use of this life He has given us.

God’s Unseen Footprints

Our family has recently been going through some very wonderful times mixed with a big dose of some very scary and stressful times.  

We welcomed our new little granddaughter, Coralynn Grace, into our hearts and arms on April 16.  

But Andrea, who has some autoimmune health issues, had several complications that resulted in a C-section and a huge loss of blood.  Three days after she came home from the hospital, she had to be re-admitted for emergency surgery.  They discovered massive internal bleeding and a large hematoma.  Between the two surgeries, Andrea lost most of her blood volume.  When she was finally dismissed from the hospital, her surgeon said that no one knew how Andrea was still alive because usually that volume of blood loss causes cardiac arrest.  

There are many other issues going on in our lives and theirs currently that have increased the pressure we’re all under by a LOT.  

We’re very thankful for our sweet little baby girl and for God sparing her mama’s life while at the same time feeling like we’re all barely treading water.

During the beginning days of all this crazy time, I opened my Bible one morning and read a favorite Psalm of mine…Psalm 77.  This Psalm begins with words that described our feelings as this journey of ours began, words of worry and sleepless nights…of being so troubled that words would not come…of sighing, distress, and despair.

But then the Psalmist began to remember the past…of God’s wonders as He led Israel out of Egypt…of God showing His great strength…of the holy ways of God.

But those ways of God led Israel to the sea. “Your way was in the sea and your paths in the mighty waters,” the Psalmist said.  

And then this, the truth that I have loved for years in these verses:  “And Your footprints could not be seen.”  

God led His people not only TO the water, but He led them INTO the water.  And there His tracks, His footprints, seemed to end.  They could not be seen in the water.  

Screenshot

And in our lives, this is where faith comes in.  My trust is not in the footprints that I can see. 

My trust is in the God Who is leading me where I can’t see His tracks.  

Sometimes we can’t see His footprints…..

In the cancer.

In the surgeries.

In the dementia.

In the terminal diagnosis.

In the job loss.

In the broken car.

In the wayward child.

In the broken marriage.

In death.

But God is there!  

Right after the Psalmist talked about God’s unseen footprints, he said, “You led Your people like a flock.”  

God loves His sheep, and He is leading us.  He hasn’t forsaken us, and He never will.  

Every unseen step through the deep waters we face is His leading us for our good now and for His glory as we point to Him and follow Him in trust.

I may not always feel the trust in the middle of great stress, but I keep following Him and speaking words of trust anyway.  

“Your way, O God, is holy; what God is great like our God?  You are the God Who works wonders; You have made known Your strength among the peoples.”   (Psalm 77:13-14)

Keep following! 

Keep trusting!

And someday you’ll look back and see God’s footprints all over your life.