Aaron’s Smiles For Others

Yesterday Aaron and I ran into our Dillon’s on the way home from his day group.  I was picking up a few groceries, and Aaron was on the prowl for two things:  candy, and someone to talk to.

He found his candy while I was finding a package of meat.  He sure is a pro at slipping away behind my back.  I’m sure there are dozens of security videos in Dillon’s that show me walking past all the aisles, straining my neck to look down each one as I search for Aaron.

If he’s not loading up his arms with random snacks that he hopes I will buy, he is finding some of the employees there that he knows.  He bounds over to where they are working, oblivious to the fact that they are busy, and loudly greets them and begins talking as if he’s taking right up where they left off three minutes ago. 

With Aaron’s Good and Plenty’s safely in our cart, Aaron followed me across the store toward the cheese aisle.  I could see that, as usual, his eyes were darting right and left as he searched for someone…anyone…that he even vaguely knew so that more than his eyes would dart straight toward them.

And sure enough, he did.

Or at least thought he did…know this particular man, that is.

Thankfully I still have my peripheral vision.  I saw Aaron detour down the self-checkout aisle.  I was doing a U-turn but wasn’t fast enough to intercept Aaron.

Aaron was headed straight toward a man whom he thought was Harold.  But this man was not Harold.  Harold often works in self-checkout.  He is so nice to Aaron, engaging him in conversation every time they see each other. 

“Hi!!” Aaron blurted out as he headed to Harold who wasn’t Harold.

Aaron was rubbing his hands together in delight and he did his little hop of excitement, his left leg extending out.

Harold who wasn’t Harold had a mixed look on his face…a look of moderate shock, confusion, and…was that fear I saw?

But thankfully understanding dawned on this sweet man’s face and he smiled right back at Aaron just as I was beginning the rescue.

The smiling man followed Aaron back toward me as I explained to him that he looked very much like someone else that we know. 

His smile was huge as he patted Aaron on the back and said that it was just fine. 

Bless him!

“I’m embarrassed,” Aaron softly said as we walked once again toward the cheese.

“Oh, Aaron, it’s OK,” I told him.   “That man looked a lot like Harold.  He understood and he was just fine.”

“Well,” Aaron responded, “I can smile at other people, too.”

The coolness of the cheese aisle couldn’t take away the warm glow in my heart that came from Aaron’s words.

“You absolutely can smile at others, Aaron,” I told him.  “Smiling at others is wonderful!”

Aaron deals with so much.  He came home and had a seizure soon after all those smiles.

But smile he will! 

And I can’t think of a better was to start our New Year than to remember Aaron’s words.

We can smile at other people, too.  People we don’t know but people who probably need a kind smile as they walk down the store aisles. 

While I scanned my meat, Aaron’s Good and Plenty’s, and my cheese I finally found, I realized that Aaron wasn’t with me.

You guessed it.

He found the real Harold who was very busy at a nearby register, with Aaron close beside him…Aaron, rubbing his hands together…smiling and talking.

“Oh dear,” I thought.  “I need to rescue Harold.  And the poor puzzled customers.”

“Well, hi there!” Harold said.  “UNCLE!!”

Aaron’s smile was bigger than ever and so was my heart.

Bless Harold and everyone who has a heart for the Aarons of the world.

Let’s all try to share our smiles and to be kind to all the “other people” that we encounter.

Have a Smiling Happy New Year!!

Our Precious Gift Has Arrived

Early this past Wednesday morning our most precious Christmas gift was delivered, all wrapped and perfect in every way.

I’ll let him give his own announcement.

Ryker!  A name meaning “strong one” and also “rich.”  We pray that he will always be strong in the Lord and full of the rich blessings of God in his life.

Mommy and Ryker are both doing well.  They all came home from the hospital yesterday.  Our travel plans are still uncertain, but it goes without saying that we are very ready to meet and to hold our little grandson.

And now for Uncle Aaron.

Aaron knew that Andrea was in the hospital.  He knew when he went to bed on Tuesday night that the baby had still not arrived.  And he was not wanting to hear constant talk of the progress toward his nephew’s birth.

On Wednesday morning, I gave Aaron some time before I told him that his nephew was here.  Finally, I showed him this picture taken shortly after Ryker was born.

Aaron leaned toward the phone as I carefully watched his face.  He stared at the picture and then his face softened.  He had a little slight smile that flickered as he took in this first sight of his nephew.  Then he spoke.

“Ugly,” Aaron said.

Of course, I reprimanded Aaron gently and reminded him that this is his nephew.  His name is Ryker, I told Aaron, and he is a beautiful little baby.

Some would be shocked and offended by Aaron’s comment.  But Aaron was just using the only word he could summon to show that he is needing to adjust to this huge change in his life.  A change that he did not ask for and that he would rather not deal with. 

Aaron knows that this little baby will change everything in his world.  We all know that change is not welcome in Aaron’s set world.  No matter that this is a precious baby that is bringing the change.  To Aaron, it’s the change that is making him nervous and whatever is bringing that change is what Aaron will focus on and hope to ignore.

Like our friend Barb said, “Aaron’s world has changed even with his competition so far away.”

As that first morning continued, we tried to keep baby talk in front of Aaron at a minimum. 

“I don’t want to talk about the nephew,” he said.

At least Aaron was communicating his feelings, right?

Finally, Aaron referred to “the nephew” as Ryker.  Yay!!!

That night, as we prayed before bed, I thanked God for our little Ryker.

“So, I need to love Ryker?” Aaron asked after we prayed.

I knew that Aaron, in his factual way, was working out his feelings and his responsibilities toward this little family interloper…this change agent.  😊

Imagine my shocked delight yesterday, then, as Aaron and I visited two different friends.  This is what happened at each house.

“The baby came!  Mom, show them the picture of Ryker!  I LOVE Ryker!!”

I had a hard time pulling up the pictures because I was trying to lift my jaw off the floor.

It was so spontaneous and sweet. 

Aaron continued his excited recitation about Ryker, which also included some of his concerns about being The Uncle. 

But this is what Aaron needs to do.  He works out his discomfort and concerns with lots of talking, with many questions that we hear over and over, and repetitions of the same answers that he hears from every person who is willing to listen to him and respond.

Free therapy!

Thank you all for that!!  😊

And we thank you so much for all of your prayers, both for Ryker and his birth, and for Aaron and his adjustment.

We’re far from done with that Aaron part.

But we are very thankful for our precious Christmas gift. 

Baby and Uncle Aaron Update

I realize that it’s way beyond time for a baby update.  Speaking of time…where has it gone?!

Andrea will probably be admitted to the hospital this evening for an induction.  She is on blood thinner because of an autoimmune disease so in order to change and manage that medicine, her delivery had to be scheduled.  We would value your prayers for her and for their baby…our grandson!…during this process.

Aaron is up and down about being Uncle Aaron.  He is so focused on the issue that he is making himself nervous about it.  He talks and talks about being an uncle, to absolutely anyone who will listen…or who can’t help but listen as a captive audience in a check-out line, at their job, neighbors…

“I don’t WANT to be an uncle!” he declares. 

Then he listens as he is told once again that being an uncle is a fun job.  And that he will do a great job of being Uncle Aaron. 

“But I might have to change his diaper!” Aaron says.

And that has been the biggest subject of conversation for Aaron.  Changing diapers!

The nurse and staff at his day group have been so wonderful to help ease him through his diaper fixation.  Look at these pictures from this past Friday as once again the nurse let Aaron practice changing a diaper.  He’s always so excited to tell us that he passed the diaper changing test!

Added to diaper duty…which we have assured Aaron will not be required of him…is the actual trip to Texas to meet his nephew.  Aaron is not a happy traveler.  Therefore, his angst is increasing more than his excited anticipation. 

All these matters tend to muddy our own joy.

I knew this from the very beginning, though.

I knew that I would struggle with being far from Andrea during her pregnancy and during her delivery and recovery.

And especially, being too far away to meet my grandson quickly and often.

That’s why, on the very night that Andrea and Kyle told us back in May that a baby was coming, I knew that a struggle for me was ahead.

I know me very well.

The next morning, as I continued my study in I Timothy, I asked the Lord to give me a verse or a part of a verse to claim during these months…actually, years…ahead. 

God does not disappoint!

There it was!

A phrase in I Timothy 4:10 jumped right out at me and settled in my heart.

“…we have fixed our hope on the living God…”

I was so thankful!

My memorial stone was quickly written beside that verse:  Baby Kester, May 22, 2022.

How many times, when I have started down that path of wishing for things that are not to be…or I have begun to compare myself to others…or I have questioned God’s ways…this phrase has calmed and assured me.

For if I can’t trust God in this area of my life, when CAN I trust Him?

Then just last week, as I was in the book of Hebrews and reading about Moses in chapter 11, there it was again.

Verse 27:  “…Moses endures, as seeing Him who is unseen.”

Guess what the words “seeing Him” mean?

They mean that Moses’ eyes were fixed.

As in, “…we have fixed our hope on the living God.”

I was so touched that at the beginning of this grandbaby journey…and now nearing the end of the pregnancy…God once again told me to fix my eyes on Him.

This verb used in Hebrews refers to an artist whose eyes are fixed on the subject he is painting.  He focuses solely on the subject, not on the distractions around him.

Raymond Brown also points out that this word indicates a determined choice.

“Westcott says that it is used by classical writers in the sense of ‘looking from one object to another.’  We fix our eyes on the ultimate, not the immediate, on the eternal reward rather than our temporal gain.”

What I really want to get across in all of this is this:  I may be tired of my circumstances in some ways, but I am not hopeless!

I have fixed my hope on the living God!

God understands my desires and He knows my heart.

He keeps saying, “Patty!  Focus!!” as my eyes begin to wander to the distractions around me and I start to be discouraged or sad.

God is so good to me.  He understands and He does not demand perfection from me. 

Just trust, and hope.

Hope in the living God Who has a reason and a plan for every part of my life, grandbaby included.

Hope in the living God Who sent His own Son as a baby so that I could have that hope.

I hope I have happy baby news very soon!

And Aaron hopes that he really doesn’t have to change diapers!

We Need a Little Christmas?

My spirit was heavy yesterday as I went about my getting-ready-for-the-day routine.  Fresh on my mind was the night before.  Most of the day before, actually. 

Aaron.  Anger because we said no to a game.  His hovering presence as he told me not to write his name on our Christmas cards.  Escalation from him and then finally from us. 

Guilt.  Regret.  Failure.

There, in the heaviness, one of my very favorite Christmas songs came on Pandora. 

Haul out

The holly

Put up the tree

Before my spirit

Falls again

Fill up

The stocking

I may be

Rushing things

But

Deck the halls

Again now.

I’ve loved that song since I was a child.  Back then, life was simpler.  Now, putting up a tree does not really keep my spirit from falling.

The day before, Aaron and I found out that one of our dear Meals on Wheels clients had suddenly died.  His dog, Buster, was Aaron’s favorite.  As we sat in the van, talking to the man’s daughter on the phone, Aaron was as shocked as I.  He bent over and put the two dog bones he was going to give Buster back in the box.  The look on his face broke my heart.

But Santa, dear

We’re in a hurry

So climb

Down the chimney

Turn on

The brightest

String of light

I’ve ever seen

Slice up

The fruitcake

It’s time

We hung

Some tinsel

On that

Evergreen bough.

The trappings of Christmas just aren’t cutting it right now. 

Santa…lights…tinsel…definitely not fruitcake!

Not for me…not for my friend just diagnosed with breast cancer…not for our friends just home with their Speedy from yet another hospital stay…

For we need

A little music

Need

A little laughter

Need

A little singing

Ringing through

The rafter

And we need

A little snappy

“Happy ever after”

Need a little

Christmas now.

A little snappy “happy every after” is not what our friends at the funeral home needed to hear from us the other evening as they deeply grieve their son who took his life. 

The next song began playing.

O little town of Bethlehem

How still we see thee lie

Above thy deep and dreamless sleep

The silent stars go by

Yet in they dark streets shineth

The everlasting light

The hopes and fears of all the years

Are met in thee tonight

Oh holy child of Bethlehem

Descend to us we pray

Cast out our sins and enter in

Be born to us today.

Certainly not a peppy, fun song.

But there is the real light that we need!  Our hopes and our fears…our pain and sadness…our disappointments…

All are met in Him! 

Jesus came to be our Savior, not to be the afterthought of all our Christmas decorations and gifts and food.

O morning stars together

Proclaim thy holy birth

And praises sing to God the King

And peace to men on earth

O hear thy sacred angels

As faith holds wide the door

Then darkness wakes, the glory breaks

As Christmas comes once more.

Jesus was born to be the answer to all of life’s hurts…hurts that can’t be ignored even at this special time of year. 

No amount of fevered activity can relieve our sorrows.

We can’t manufacture a festive answer that truly lasts.  What are we left with when the lights are taken down…the food is eaten…the gifts are opened?

We’re left either with a hollow void waiting to be filled again with our feeble attempts at happiness.

Or we’re left with Jesus.

HE is the light of the world.  He wants to be your Savior. 

Jesus has the answers that truly last amid life’s struggles.

Thank God for His unspeakable gift, the only gift we really need. 

Photo Worthy

We just finished the Thanksgiving season with all the family gatherings, delicious food, and lots of photo opportunities.  Now the oranges and golds are being replaced by the reds and greens of Christmas.  More pictures to come, for sure!

Already our social media is brimming with the pictures that others are sharing of their Christmas decorations.  So much beauty and creativity!  I love doing that every year, sharing the warmth and glow of the season.

But the brightness all around us, even if we only see it in a photo, sure can make the other side of life seem even darker than usual.

Other’s picture-perfect moments, if compared to some of ours, seem off-the-chart wonderful…and ours.  Well, the line on our chart is going in the opposite direction.  Way down.

Several years ago, I saw this picture of Mary and Joseph after the birth of baby Jesus.  It’s probably the most accurate portrayal of the nativity that I have ever seen.

The call of God on their lives to be the earthly parents of Jesus came at a huge cost to them.  They knew that their reputations would forever be tarnished.  Gossip and judgmental stares would be their lot. 

But can you imagine the long trip to Bethlehem for the census?  The discomfort, hunger, dirt, and fear? 

Then the baby being born in an animal stable.  We don’t know for sure, but did they have help delivering baby Jesus?  How Mary must have wished for her mother to be beside her! 

Can you imagine how alone they must have felt?  No family that we know of to surround them with love and care.  No beautiful nursery ready for baby Jesus.  No comfort of a soft bed for Mary or Jesus.  No kitchen full of food, or a meal train at the ready.

Joseph and Mary submitted without reservation to God’s call on their lives.  That special call might seem sweet and incredible to us but to them I can pretty safely assume that on most days it was anything but that.

Over this past week, mixed in with all the beautiful pictures of family gatherings, I was receiving other pictures from our dear friends.

 Dan and Wendy have loved and cared for their Elijah (Speedy) for many years.  Speedy has an extremely severe form of Epilepsy.  He was hospitalized yet again during Thanksgiving, for six days.

Lots of tests.

Still, lots of unanswered questions.

Always, always there is so much love from these amazing parents for their Speedy.

But the pain…the grief…is so real. 

Raw…and deep.

Wendy and I talk a lot.  We speak the same language that comes from special needs parenting.  We can be real with each other.

We understand what Dale Davis was saying in his commentary on the book of Luke when he talked about the benediction in Hebrews 13:20-21…about the part that says may God “do in us what pleases Him.”

That part is scary because we don’t know what it is that will please God.

Can we be like Mary, though, and submit to God’s will for our lives?

“May it be done to me according to Your word,” Mary replied as she was called to be the mother of God’s Son.

“Submission is preferable to consolation, for consolation pleases us, but submission pleases God.”  (Thomas Hog, 1692)

Let that sink in.

There are so many times that I would far rather have the photo worthy moments of family and fun and excitement and adventure and beauty to be the posts of my life.

Not the incomplete family photos. 

Not the tiredness…anger…frustrations…comparisons…resentments that often accompany this special-needs life.

How about you?  What is it in your life that you feel isn’t photo worthy? 

What would you gladly trade in for a more beautiful shot?

Somehow, though, I know that God looks down on our broken and He sees the very people and things that bring Him the most glory and the most joy.

He sees way beyond this temporal into a plan for each life that goes far beyond what we will ever know on this old earth.

And that’s what is eternally photo worthy.