Category: Trials

Complaining in the Rain

It’s been terribly dry here in Kansas for way too long.  The wells out in our “used-to-be-country” neighborhood are running very low.  Some have dried up.  Some of the ponds used for cattle are just puddles now.  And the wheat crop is predicted to be the poorest in 60 years.

Therefore, I was happy to hear a low rumble of thunder early this morning.  As I sat on our patio and finished my quiet time, the sky began to darken.  I was very thankful for the rain that began to fall.  It was a gift from God!

Aaron was out of bed not long after and he sat with me to enjoy the rain as well.  Soon we were both ready to head out the door for our Meals on Wheels delivery.  The once gentle rain was now a downpour.

“Well,” I told Aaron, “we really need this rain so I’m not going to complain about it.”

We picked up our meals, loading them into the van as the rain came down and our clothes began to get wet.  At our first house, I opened the side van door and bagged the food.  Rain was a cold presence on the back of my shirt as I tried to lean in the van.  Aaron had already run to the client’s door, so I juggled the bag of food and my large umbrella, getting even wetter.

We chatted a minute with our friend, Aaron crunched in the corner of the small porch under a tiny awning and me under the umbrella.  Rain washed over us again as we got in the van, feet now soaked from the standing water.

As we backed out of the driveway, I happily made a little rhyme.

“Oh, the rain is a pain but I’m not going to complain!” I sang to Aaron.

Amazingly, he tolerated my silliness and off we went to the next house.  More rain, this time with some mud from the unpaved road as well as huge drops of water landing on us under the very low hanging branches at her uncovered door…branches that caught my umbrella and made it useless.

“This is great!” I exclaimed as we handed her the food.  “We do need the rain!  See you next week!”

By the fifth house, the rain was coming down even harder.  We ran up the wheelchair ramp, where our client was already at her door.  She was taking the dog bones that Aaron handed her for her two dogs.  I handed her the rather soggy bag of food and asked her how she was doing.

“I’m doing just fine,” she said, her face glowing with peace as she sat there in her wheelchair.  

She looked then at Aaron.

“Thank you so much for the dog bones,” she told him.  “My dogs love you for that.”

Aaron beamed.  Then she handed him one of the bones so that he could give it to her rambunctious dog himself.   She smiled as much as Aaron as he so excitedly watched the dog eat his bone.  

“Thank you and God bless you,” she said as we turned to leave.  I noticed how pretty she looked…how content despite her situation.  

At the next house we got to see our friend who had a serious fall a couple months ago.  She has been in the hospital and in rehab, and today was the first time we have been able to see her since her accident.  

Her smile was huge as she greeted us.  I wanted to talk about how she is doing but she wanted to focus on Aaron, hearing all about his recent seizure fall.  I finally managed to ask about how she’s doing, and she too said that she was getting along fine as she downplayed all that she has been through.  She is a sweet believer, and her joy is evident.

My joy was getting harder to muster as we went once more out into the rain.

“Whew!” I said, “I’m getting tired of this rain.”

“But I’m glad we’re getting the rain,” I quickly added as I remembered my earlier determination to be thankful.

My heart felt that little pinch of the Holy Spirit reminding me of just how much this morning is a picture of my life.

Oh, it’s easy to be all spiritual and thankful while I’m sitting on the patio, protected from the rains of life.  I can be an observer and have all the answers with all the right verses and attitudes as long as I’m not actually getting wet.

But let me step out into the storm and see what happens.  Getting wet and cold and muddy can quickly begin to take a toll on my patio attitude.  Soon I’m not so thankful for the rain that I had earlier said I needed.

The splashing of life’s trials has a way of diminishing my once-strong faith.

I feel cold.  Tired. 

And the path can make my feet muddy.  

Misery sets in, no matter how much I said I needed this weather sent from God.

No matter how much I quote Romans 8:28.

And while I may not be actively shaking my fist at God, I find that the flame of faith and joy in my heart is flickering in the rain.

It’s difficult to stay strong and positive in the downpours, especially prolonged storms that have no foreseen solution or resolve.

Honestly, I have been struggling some with Aaron issues over the past few months. Feeling discouraged more than I should.

“Lord!  I know I said that I need whatever you send, and that I can trust you.  But I’m getting tired and wet and muddy and uncomfortable!”

Yet the Lord, in His patience, used my experience this morning to prod my heart.  

And He used the most surprising people to touch my soggy spirit…people who have every reason to be extremely tired of the rains in their lives.

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 

 Let your gentle spirit be known to all men.  The Lord is near.  

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication WITH THANKSGIVING let your requests be made known to God.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:4-7

Be Still IN the Jordan

I remember teaching prepositions to our children years ago as we homeschooled.  I wanted them to understand not only what a preposition was, but to also grasp the huge difference that a preposition made in our speech and our writing.  Therefore, my instruction went something like this:

“Let’s get IN the car.  Not under the car…behind the car…by the car…near the car…on the car…but IN the car.”

Why am I talking about prepositions?  

Because the little preposition ‘IN’ jumped out at me recently IN Joshua 3:8.

God had led the children of Israel to the promised land.  Not just TO the promised land, but now they were IN the land.  

Yet a huge obstacle stood in their way.  The Jordan River stood between them and the land that God had promised them.  

Now typically, crossing the Jordan River wouldn’t have been such a big deal.  But God chose to have the Israelites cross the Jordan during flood stage.  

A little geography lesson might help us grasp just how difficult this crossing was.  As Dale Davis says, “…the river helps one to appreciate the miracle.”

The river’s floodplain between the Sea of Galilee and the Dead Sea is packed with tangled brush and jungle growth.  Crossing the river during flood stage was extremely dangerous, not only because of the raging current but because of the jungle growth underneath the water that would entangle you.  

As I was reading about God leading the Israelites to go over the Jordan in Joshua 3, a phrase in verse 8 jumped off the page and right into my heart.  God told the priests:

“…when you come to the edge of the waters of the Jordan, you shall stand still IN the Jordan.”

God didn’t tell the priests to be still near the Jordan…beside the Jordan…at the Jordan…but IN the Jordan.

I have written before about Psalm 46:10, my mother’s favorite verse.  In fact, I have her framed copy of that wonderful reminder to “Be still and know that I am God.”

Be still.  Quit striving.  And know that God is God.

That’s the only knowledge we need as we walk through this life.  

Sometimes God leads us right into the flood.  We feel helpless and scared…maybe confused and bitter.

But this is where our trust in God can and should grow, even as the flood swirls around us and the undergrowth attempts to pull us under.

What is your Jordan today?  

“Perhaps He brings us into impossible circumstances, situations so bleak and hopeless, for the purpose of impressing upon us that if we make it through, if we endure it, if we are not overwhelmed and washed away, it will be only because of His grace and power.”   (Dale Ralph Davis)

So, be still IN your Jordan, and watch God work His best for you in that place of trust and peace.  

Needless Struggles

Early one morning I heard a soft pecking sound.  I was downstairs when I heard it.  I thought it was coming from outside, so I opened the door but didn’t see anything.  Still the sound persisted. 

I went upstairs, where I heard it again.  I went into one of our bedrooms and found the source.  Here was the culprit.

This isn’t the first time we have had this happen.  A female cardinal has done this over the years on occasion.  Research has shown us that there are several possible reasons for this behavior.  Females are very territorial, especially at this time of year when they are nesting.  She may see her reflection in the window and thinks she sees another bird, so she might be trying to chase it away.  Or she may see the reflection of the tree behind her in the window and might be wanting to check it out as a nesting site.

But the reasons for this silly bird’s actions are not the reasons for this blog.

I had fun showing Aaron our little cardinal as she pecked on our window repeatedly.

That night after we had prayed, Aaron came into my bedroom.

“Mom,” he said, “you should have prayed, ‘And help the woman cardinal’s head to not hurt.’  😊

Our little confused cardinal has also interrupted my quiet mornings in our family room, and in our living room as well. 

She is one determined little bird!

But I’ve thought of how useless her struggles are, when right behind her is a tree full of available branches for nesting.  There are also bushes all around that area.

And how her possible fears of another bird in her territory are nonsense.  Little does she know or realize that she is truly wasting precious time and energy as she flies into the windows, and pecks and pecks at nothing.

But oh dear, I am so much like that little “woman cardinal,” as Aaron said.

I struggle with myself over God’s leading in my life more than I care to admit.  Years ago, when Gary was retiring from the military, we tried and tried to move near our extended families.  However, no jobs at all were opening up for him.  The only feasible job…the best opportunity…and the one that God kept leading us to as we prayed…is far away from where we hoped to live.

And now here we are, with two of our adult children living far away from US…one to the north and the other to the south, along with our precious new grandson.  And we have Aaron, who is a huge reason that we are tied to staying where we are with great services and medical care here. 

BUT…we did pray for God’s leading many years ago…and we did see Him lead us here. 

BUT…because here isn’t always easy…how do I react?

Isaiah spoke to God’s people about how they depended on themselves instead of depending on God to protect them.  God led them to their land centuries earlier, and to the city He chose for them.

Jerusalem was that city. 

But Jerusalem had a huge feature that left them vulnerable to their enemies.

Their water supply was from the spring of Gihon, outside the city walls.  With their human ingenuity, the inhabitants built a conduit to keep water flowing into the city.  But then they developed an attitude of pride and trust in their accomplishment as they ignored God. 

They had become focused on how to solve their water problem without depending on God.

Did God not know that Jerusalem’s location had this weakness…this problem?

Of course He knew!

Did God make a mistake when He led them there?

No!

“Did He not knowingly choose a city with a vulnerable water supply so that living in His city actually required an attitude and commitment of faith that what He thus chose He would also Himself safeguard?”  (Alec Motyer)

How about me?  You?

Am I like that little cardinal, trying for a better situation or a safer location than the one to which God has led me?

“….it is a sin to depart from a position of simple, uncomplicated, trustful faith, and to replace it with man-made devices and securities.  Where the Lord has made promises our calling is to trust that He will keep His word, and to pray, and look to Him that He will do so.”   (Alec Motyer)

I look around me, at friends and family and others that come across my path.

It doesn’t make sense that a spouse died and left his wife widowed far too soon.

That cancer took a daughter, a wife with young children, after so many prayers and hopes for healing.

That a mother collapsed and died so suddenly.

That a family is reeling from years of caring for their young son who is fighting cancer after multiple amputations.

You know the stories.

You have your own.

Recently my cousin and his wife, David and Cindy, left me with these verses that have filled them with great hope at this time in their lives.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”   (Proverbs 3:5-6)

David was recently put on hospice care as his cancer is no longer responding to treatments.  Yet he can say, “It’s often so hard to make sense of what God is up to, but we must keep trusting, keep persevering.”

And from Cindy, “…all these trials are used by God in shaping us and growing our faith to His glory!  We are not alone.  Hebrews 13:5 – I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

What a testimony of trust and faith they are to so many!

Oh little “woman cardinal,” you do not need to struggle so to find a better tree or to fight an imaginary enemy!

And oh, dear one today, if you know Christ and follow Him then trust that where He leads you is where He will supply your every need and fulfill His perfect plan for your life. 

You do not need to struggle, acting as if God has made mistakes in your life.

Be still, my soul

The Lord is on thy side

Bear patiently

The cross of grief or pain

Leave to thy God

To order and provide

In every change

He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul

Thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Through thorny ways

Leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul

Thy God doth undertake

To guide the future

As he has the past

Thy hope, thy confidence

Let nothing shake

All now mysterious

Shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul

The waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled

Them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul

The hour is hastening on

When we shall be

Forever with the Lord

When disappointment grief

And fear are gone

Sorrow forgot, love’s

Purest joys restored

Be still, my soul

When change and tears are past

All safe and blessed

We shall meet at last.

Grit And Glory

I hopped out of my van as I ran some errands a few days ago.  Well, hopped may be a stretch.  More like I stepped out of my van, in all honesty.

I had noticed this beautiful sky and being as I love taking sky pictures, I paused to snap a quick shot. 

I knew, though, that it probably wouldn’t be the best view because of the surroundings. 

“Nah,” I thought as I looked at the picture on my phone.  “It’s too cluttered with ugliness.”

I almost deleted it then and there but decided to look at it later and decide.

As I thought about that picture, and as I looked at it on my computer, the view reminded me of some things.

Those “not-so-pretty” poles and buildings and store sign are a lot like our lives.  I can say “our” because we all know that every person on the planet has a life that gets cluttered with “stuff.”

We wish our view could be like this picture that I took this week as well.

How gorgeous!  How impressive! 

But life isn’t picture perfect for any of us.  Life is full of grit.

Some of the hardships we handle are private.  We don’t want anyone to know about them, either because of pride or because we don’t want to bother others with our “stuff.”

Other areas of life are there for all to see.  We might try to hide our issues, or not talk about them, or hope that they’re not obvious.  But at times the junk is out there and noticeable and we are humiliated.

Whatever is going on in our lives, though, that messes up the beauty doesn’t need to consume our vision.

It is up to me to choose my focus.

And so it is with our lives.  On what am I focusing?

Better yet, on WHOM am I focusing?

            “For my eyes are toward You, O God, the Lord;

            In You I take refuge…”   (Psalm 141:8)

Oh, may we all learn to shift our eyes from our problems, our pain, our hurts, our struggles…and instead focus toward God, our refuge.

God’s character never changes even as our situations do.  His beauty is still there.

Turn from our grit to His glory.

            “My eyes are continually toward the Lord…”   (Psalm 25:15)

We Need a Little Christmas?

My spirit was heavy yesterday as I went about my getting-ready-for-the-day routine.  Fresh on my mind was the night before.  Most of the day before, actually. 

Aaron.  Anger because we said no to a game.  His hovering presence as he told me not to write his name on our Christmas cards.  Escalation from him and then finally from us. 

Guilt.  Regret.  Failure.

There, in the heaviness, one of my very favorite Christmas songs came on Pandora. 

Haul out

The holly

Put up the tree

Before my spirit

Falls again

Fill up

The stocking

I may be

Rushing things

But

Deck the halls

Again now.

I’ve loved that song since I was a child.  Back then, life was simpler.  Now, putting up a tree does not really keep my spirit from falling.

The day before, Aaron and I found out that one of our dear Meals on Wheels clients had suddenly died.  His dog, Buster, was Aaron’s favorite.  As we sat in the van, talking to the man’s daughter on the phone, Aaron was as shocked as I.  He bent over and put the two dog bones he was going to give Buster back in the box.  The look on his face broke my heart.

But Santa, dear

We’re in a hurry

So climb

Down the chimney

Turn on

The brightest

String of light

I’ve ever seen

Slice up

The fruitcake

It’s time

We hung

Some tinsel

On that

Evergreen bough.

The trappings of Christmas just aren’t cutting it right now. 

Santa…lights…tinsel…definitely not fruitcake!

Not for me…not for my friend just diagnosed with breast cancer…not for our friends just home with their Speedy from yet another hospital stay…

For we need

A little music

Need

A little laughter

Need

A little singing

Ringing through

The rafter

And we need

A little snappy

“Happy ever after”

Need a little

Christmas now.

A little snappy “happy every after” is not what our friends at the funeral home needed to hear from us the other evening as they deeply grieve their son who took his life. 

The next song began playing.

O little town of Bethlehem

How still we see thee lie

Above thy deep and dreamless sleep

The silent stars go by

Yet in they dark streets shineth

The everlasting light

The hopes and fears of all the years

Are met in thee tonight

Oh holy child of Bethlehem

Descend to us we pray

Cast out our sins and enter in

Be born to us today.

Certainly not a peppy, fun song.

But there is the real light that we need!  Our hopes and our fears…our pain and sadness…our disappointments…

All are met in Him! 

Jesus came to be our Savior, not to be the afterthought of all our Christmas decorations and gifts and food.

O morning stars together

Proclaim thy holy birth

And praises sing to God the King

And peace to men on earth

O hear thy sacred angels

As faith holds wide the door

Then darkness wakes, the glory breaks

As Christmas comes once more.

Jesus was born to be the answer to all of life’s hurts…hurts that can’t be ignored even at this special time of year. 

No amount of fevered activity can relieve our sorrows.

We can’t manufacture a festive answer that truly lasts.  What are we left with when the lights are taken down…the food is eaten…the gifts are opened?

We’re left either with a hollow void waiting to be filled again with our feeble attempts at happiness.

Or we’re left with Jesus.

HE is the light of the world.  He wants to be your Savior. 

Jesus has the answers that truly last amid life’s struggles.

Thank God for His unspeakable gift, the only gift we really need. 

The Sudden Dark Clouds

The other morning, I looked out my favorite upstairs window and saw this very pretty sky.  The puffy clouds and the sunshine reminded me of summer.

Not long after, however, I noticed from another room that it seemed darker outside.  I went back to the window and was shocked at what I saw.

Whoa!  In such a short time the scene had totally changed.  We went from bright and happy to dark and foreboding very quickly as a cold front began blowing in.

I have had those sudden dark times in my life. 

That Sunday years ago when our normal day turned into terror as Aaron lay on our kitchen floor, seizing violently.  The blur of a frantic call to the medical clinic…the ambulance…the German children’s hospital.  The stabs of deep fear mixed with the frustration of the language barrier and the culture that was in many ways unfamiliar. 

We went from worshipping God at church that morning to being blind-sided by a situation that we were totally unprepared for.

But let me tell you that Psalm 18:28 is true!

            “The Lord my God illumines my darkness.”

He was there with us in that foreign hospital room, during all the tests, and the diagnosis…and He has not stopped walking with us on this road of special needs.

My prayer list keeps getting longer with names of so many who are hurting and struggling through various sudden changes.

Gary’s cousin, now a much-too-young widower whose precious wife collapsed and was gone.

A friend’s daughter…a young wife and mother…fighting cancer.

A cousin and a friend recently widowed.

Jobs ended.

Marriages over.

Cancer returning.

Listen to what else David says in Psalm 27:1:

            “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?”

God brightens the unknown!

His light shines brightest in the dark.

His character positively glows in our deepest hurts and with our tear-stained cheeks.

And we have no reason to fear because He is fighting for us.  Psalm 27:1 continues:

            “The Lord is the defense of my life; whom shall I dread?”

I love the song, Blessings, by Laura Story.  Read the lyrics:

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand

To ease our suffering

And all the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things.

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?

What if Your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your word is not enough

And all the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we’d have faith to believe.

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?

What if Your healing comes through tears?

And what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?

And what if trials of this life

Are Your mercies in disguise?

I saw this beautiful scene a short time later, after the scary dark clouds had gone away, and I was reminded that God is still our light and our salvation.

Don’t fear, dear ones.  God is still there in the clouds, and He WILL illumine your darkness with His sweet presence.

To Tim and Alicia

Tim, our hearts are across the country with you and the family today as you celebrate Alicia’s life.  We are with you…with Bryson, Brayden, and Willow Grace…as you honor your amazing wife and mother.

I wish I had all the answers for you and the children about why God took Alicia so suddenly and so soon.  Of course, I don’t.  No one on this earth does. 

Only God.

I wish I could take away your pain and deep grief.  Of course, I can’t.

Only God.

What I do know is that God is with you.  I know you know that, too.  You may not always feel it right now, but you know it.

I thought of you this week as I read Genesis 46, about Jacob traveling down to Egypt to see the son whom he thought was long ago dead.

Jacob was settled in Israel, content there, and old.

Israel was the land God had promised to him and his descendants.

But now Jacob was faced with the inevitable…traveling down to Egypt to see Joseph. 

Egypt. 

Egypt was the enemy.  Egypt was a place of fear…unfamiliarity…full of danger and totally distasteful to Jacob.

But God told Jacob, “I am God, the God of your father; do not be afraid to go down to Egypt…”

And God continued, “I will go down with you to Egypt, and I will also surely bring you up again…”

Tim, as the dust settles, and your life continues…but without Alicia…I pray that you and the children will know that God has gone down with you to this Egypt.

“Where can I go from Your Spirit?  Or where can I flee from Your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, You are there.  If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.

If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,

Even there Your hand will lead me, and Your right hand will lay hold of me.

If I say, surely the darkness will overwhelm me, and the light around me will be night,

Even the darkness is not dark to You, and the night is as bright as the day.

Darkness and light are alike to You.”   (Psalm 139: 7-12)

Tim, God is with you and the children in this Egypt.  And just like He promised Jacob, He will bring you up again. 

God will heal your hurt.

God will comfort your deepest sorrow.

God will walk with you each step of this very hard road.

God understands the question, “Why?!” 

Alicia, last week Tim messaged me and said that more than once you said you would love to have met me. 

Let me tell you, that I have always wished for that as well…and never more so than now after reading the multitude of posts about how many lives you touched.

Tim said you were the kindest lady he had ever known and that he was blessed to have been loved by you.

I have seen this week that this is the lifelong impact you have had on many lives as a wife, mother, sister, friend, and a brand new RN. 

And especially as a follower of Christ, your kindness and love will live on in the hearts and lives of so many people. 

Death has not…and will not…dull your testimony.

In fact, I do believe that God will use this as the means to show us all how very important it is to know Jesus personally…to shine brightly for Him…and to always be ready to meet Him.

Speaking of meeting, you and I WILL meet one day…of that I am very certain.  I look forward to that day in heaven when I do finally get to give you a big hug and to thank you for the impact you have had on my life even from afar.

Tim, Bryson, Brayden, and Willow Grace – you are covered in our prayers.

May you, as time goes on, be able to say with Jacob, “God answered me in the day of my distress and has been with me wherever I have gone.” 

We love you.

I Can’t Wait!

Waiting patiently for anything is not a strong suit of Aaron’s.  Whether he is waiting for me to get off the phone or waiting on a huge surprise, it doesn’t matter.  Patient waiting is a foreign concept to him.

This is why we often don’t tell Aaron of an upcoming event until shortly before it actually occurs.  Too bad he knows when his birthday is because he is in planning mode for months before the big day. 

Earlier this year, a big dinosaur exhibit was coming to town.  Gary and I decided to take Aaron and to make it a surprise, more for our sake than anything.  The big day came…tickets were bought…plans were in place…and finally I told Aaron that we were taking him on a surprise adventure. 

It wasn’t THAT long before we were leaving that I broke the exciting news to him, but oh my goodness!  I quickly realized that I should have waited until we were in the van and on our way before uttering a word about our surprise trip.

Aaron can hover better than any hummingbird or helicopter.  He hovered outside my door as I got ready.  He knocked and knocked on the door, asking if it was time to go yet.  He lingered outside the bathroom door as I dried my hair.  He stood right beside me as I brushed my teeth, asking questions and wanting me to answer even with a mouthful of toothpaste. 

“Aaron!!” I finally said, “quit being so impatient!!  Leave me alone and let me get ready.”

I enjoyed a few moments of blissful quiet…until he once again knocked loudly on my door.

“But MOM!!”  he exclaimed, “I don’t have anything to DO while I’m being impatient!!”

Let me say, I am so much like Aaron when God has me wait for something, especially something that I have prayed about for a long time.

Look at Isaac and Rebekah.  Isaac married Rebekah when he was 40 years old.  No children came, however, because Rebekah was barren.  In Genesis 25 we read that Isaac prayed on behalf of Rebekah and she conceived.

But guess how long it was before that happened?

20 years!

YEARS!!

Can you imagine the disappointment, over and over and over?

The sadness?

The comparing themselves to others who had HOW many children during the time that they waited…and waited…and waited on God to keep His promise.

As Dale Davis points out in God’s Rascal, The Jacob Narrative, Isaac’s non-chosen brother Ishmael had 12 sons.  What’s up with that?!

But Isaac didn’t just idly or impatiently wait.  We’re told that he prayed on behalf of his wife. 

The Hebrew term used there means that Isaac didn’t just pray FOR his wife.  It indicated that he prayed in front of her…in her presence.

I found Isaac’s action in prayer to not only be very encouraging but also very precious.  He led Rebekah and he joined her in her pain…in their pain…as they waited for God’s answer.

Sometimes things seem so hopeless.  We don’t see answers coming.  It’s so easy to lose heart, especially when we have prayed and prayed and prayed.

I love this verse.

Right now, Aaron is laying on our couch downstairs.  He had three seizures this morning.  He is almost 38 years old and has had seizures since he was 7 years old.

I look at him as he ages, and I see the effect of all these years of seizures…of the toll they have taken on his body and on his mental abilities. 

But I know that as much as I love Aaron, God loves him even more.  And God loves me. 

He loves us and He has a reason that I will probably never know on this earth for all that Aaron has suffered.

So, I cry out to God.

And I know that God’s inclination is to lean down and hear my cry. 

Isn’t that a precious picture?

He joins me in my pain and in my waiting.

Am I always patient as I wait on God?

No!

But unlike Aaron, there IS something I can do while I’m being impatient and that is to pray.

And to praise, as David continues in Psalm 40.  Sing a new song of praise, which will be a testimony to others.

After all, “How blessed is the man (or woman) who has made the Lord his trust.”  (Psalm 40:4)

Gotta run.  Aaron is awake now and is planning our evening already.  😊 

Under the Quilt

I heard Aaron’s first seizure at 12:38 this morning.  The second was at 2:37.  As I often say, Aaron would appreciate that I am using the precise time. 

Not long after 4:00 I heard him rustling.  It wasn’t a seizure.  I listened and knew that he was out of bed.  He went to the bathroom and then back to his room.  I heard his door close. 

I got up and went to his room, fairly sure of what I would find.  He had changed his pajamas and was getting ready to climb back into bed.

His sheets were wet.  Bed wetting seizures are common to Aaron. 

I had him sit in his desk chair as I changed his sheets.  He watched my every move, as he is not only bent on using precision with his time keeping but is also particular about his bedding being just right. 

I was thankful for waterproof mattress pads, and that we keep an extra one on hand.  Thankful for extra sheets and blankets, and for our washing machine and dryer.

There sat Aaron.  He was flicking his fingers together as he so often does now, more and more.  There was some dried blood on the corner of his mouth where he had bitten his tongue during his first seizure. 

He kept telling me that his head hurt.  He wondered if he would have to go to his day group. 

It always breaks my heart to see him like this.  Broke my heart, too, as I asked him if he would have slept on wet sheets if I hadn’t come in there.  He said yes because he didn’t want to wake us up. 

I told him he never ever had to sleep on wet sheets.

I was finally done with his bed.  It’s a stretch for Aaron to lay down under different covers than his usual ones.

“I want my Mario blanket,” he said as he looked at his bed all covered in a blanket not his own.

“But it’s wet,” I told him.  “Here, I’ll get you another blanket to use.”

I walked out into the hall and opened the linen cabinet.  I saw the quilt that we have had for many years and knew that the weight of it would be a comfort to Aaron.

As I carried it to his room and arranged it on his bed, I was thinking about the sweet memories of this quilt.  It was a wedding gift to me and Gary, made 44 years ago by the dear ladies at Needham’s Grove Baptist Church in Needham’s Grove, North Carolina.  My brother pastored there. The women in the church had gotten to know me while I was in Bible college not far away and would often visit on weekends.  

Finally, I was finished with Aaron’s bed.  He surveyed it as he stood up from his chair.  I smiled as he immediately pulled out some wrinkles in the quilt before he walked around to get back in bed.  He snuggled under the covers, and I pulled them up around his face, a soft smile of contentment visible on his lips. 

It wasn’t even 30 minutes later that I heard another seizure.  As I stood beside his bed, I looked at that special quilt again.  Each stitch was sewn by hand…hands of women who loved the Lord and loved to give. 

All those years ago, I had no idea what our life would hold.  We were dreamy-eyed newlyweds with our whole life before us. 

And now, under the quilt that we used to lay under, lay our special Aaron.  Never would I have imagined that we would still be caring for our 37-year-old son…that the quilt that covered us now covered Aaron.

I don’t know or understand the reason for any of it. 

But I do know my heavenly Father.

And I do know that He has stitched every little piece of my life and of Gary’s life and of Aaron’s life. 

God has stitched it in order to create a beautiful work.

Not an easy work.  And not the one I would have chosen if He had let me. 

But do I trust Him?

And if I do, at what point do I stop trusting?

I either fully trust God, or I don’t.

That means, that even through tears and disappointments and frustrations and exhaustion, I trust the God Who has promised to direct my steps.

Who has promised that “underneath are His everlasting arms.”

I am never lower than His arms that are always under me to hold me up.

And neither are you, my friend, if you know and trust this God Who loves you so much.

Who gave His own Son, Jesus, to die for you.

And Who is meticulously stitching the fabric of your life…of my life…of Aaron’s…into a work of art.

I want to rest under that quilt, handmade by God.

Impossibilities

We had some very pretty clouds one recent morning that I enjoyed as I looked out my favorite upstairs window.  I sat at my desk having my quiet time as my eyes kept glancing out at the ever-changing sky.  Suddenly there was brightness as the sun began to shine.  I quickly snapped this picture before the moment passed.

One fact that I have observed over my years of sky watching is that when the sun shines on storm clouds, the clouds become more beautiful.  The sun sharpens the contrasts between the clouds and the rest of the sky, and between the clouds and the ground.  The true beauty of those storm clouds is fully shown when the sun shines.

I have just finished studying the book of Ruth.  This familiar story is one that we love to tell.  It’s a favorite for children’s Sunday school classes.  It’s so familiar to us and so easily compressed into a 30 minute lesson that we often don’t stop to really consider what God did with Naomi and Ruth.

What especially spoke to me this morning was how Naomi found herself in an impossibly difficult and hopeless situation in a foreign land.  She was an Israelite in Moab.  Her husband and two sons had died.  She was left destitute with no means of support.

We all know the story.  Her daughter-in-law, Ruth, stayed with her and together they traveled back to the land of Israel.  Ruth asked permission to go gather grain and by God’s providence she ended up in the field of Boaz.  He was the kinsman-redeemer, unknown to Ruth, and they ended up getting married.  To that union God gave them baby Obed, grandfather of King David and ancestor of Jesus Himself.

OK.  It’s a wrap.  We’ll have a new story next week, children.

But wait!  Stop!

Just think of how the providence of God is all over this story.

When we let God’s light shine on this story then we can see the deep storms surrounding Naomi and Ruth.  Their situation was truly hopeless.

But God’s light also reveals the beauty of those storms because it was in those hopeless moments that God’s plan was so amazingly revealed. 

Do you find yourself in a scary and desperate place? 

Do your walls seem impossible to climb?

Do your clouds look dark and foreboding?

Do you think of your future needs…or your needs today…and wonder how on earth things will work out?

All I know is that God wants to shine.  He wants to show me how He works in the darkness of the storm.

But it’s how HE works that I need to stop and see.

And God doesn’t need my help.

He needs me to trust.

The God of Naomi and Ruth is my God, too.  He has a plan for me that He will accomplish every bit as much as He did for them. 

Hopelessness is the best venue in which we can see God shine. 

And as God shines, that storm will prove to be a place of beauty…the beauty of knowing my heavenly Father better and seeing that His plan in this place is truly full of His providence and purpose.