God’s Word – He Said What?!

Baby and Uncle Aaron Update

I realize that it’s way beyond time for a baby update. Speaking of time…where has it gone?!

Andrea will probably be admitted to the hospital this evening for an induction. She is on blood thinner because of an autoimmune disease so in order to change and manage that medicine, her delivery had to be scheduled. We would value your prayers for her and for their baby…our grandson!…during this process.

Aaron is up and down about being Uncle Aaron. He is so focused on the issue that he is making himself nervous about it. He talks and talks about being an uncle, to absolutely anyone who will listen…or who can’t help but listen as a captive audience in a check-out line, at their job, neighbors…

“I don’t WANT to be an uncle!” he declares.

Then he listens as he is told once again that being an uncle is a fun job. And that he will do a great job of being Uncle Aaron.

“But I might have to change his diaper!” Aaron says.

And that has been the biggest subject of conversation for Aaron. Changing diapers!

The nurse and staff at his day group have been so wonderful to help ease him through his diaper fixation. Look at these pictures from this past Friday as once again the nurse let Aaron practice changing a diaper. He’s always so excited to tell us that he passed the diaper changing test!

Added to diaper duty…which we have assured Aaron will not be required of him…is the actual trip to Texas to meet his nephew. Aaron is not a happy traveler. Therefore, his angst is increasing more than his excited anticipation.

All these matters tend to muddy our own joy.

I knew this from the very beginning, though.

I knew that I would struggle with being far from Andrea during her pregnancy and during her delivery and recovery.

And especially, being too far away to meet my grandson quickly and often.

That’s why, on the very night that Andrea and Kyle told us back in May that a baby was coming, I knew that a struggle for me was ahead.

I know me very well.

The next morning, as I continued my study in I Timothy, I asked the Lord to give me a verse or a part of a verse to claim during these months…actually, years…ahead.

God does not disappoint!

There it was!

A phrase in I Timothy 4:10 jumped right out at me and settled in my heart.

“…we have fixed our hope on the living God…”

I was so thankful!

My memorial stone was quickly written beside that verse: Baby Kester, May 22, 2022.

How many times, when I have started down that path of wishing for things that are not to be…or I have begun to compare myself to others…or I have questioned God’s ways…this phrase has calmed and assured me.

For if I can’t trust God in this area of my life, when CAN I trust Him?

Then just last week, as I was in the book of Hebrews and reading about Moses in chapter 11, there it was again.

Verse 27: “…Moses endures, as seeing Him who is unseen.”

Guess what the words “seeing Him” mean?

They mean that Moses’ eyes were fixed.

As in, “…we have fixed our hope on the living God.”

I was so touched that at the beginning of this grandbaby journey…and now nearing the end of the pregnancy…God once again told me to fix my eyes on Him.

This verb used in Hebrews refers to an artist whose eyes are fixed on the subject he is painting. He focuses solely on the subject, not on the distractions around him.

Raymond Brown also points out that this word indicates a determined choice.

“Westcott says that it is used by classical writers in the sense of ‘looking from one object to another.’ We fix our eyes on the ultimate, not the immediate, on the eternal reward rather than our temporal gain.”

What I really want to get across in all of this is this: I may be tired of my circumstances in some ways, but I am not hopeless!

I have fixed my hope on the living God!

God understands my desires and He knows my heart.

He keeps saying, “Patty! Focus!!” as my eyes begin to wander to the distractions around me and I start to be discouraged or sad.

God is so good to me. He understands and He does not demand perfection from me.

Just trust, and hope.

Hope in the living God Who has a reason and a plan for every part of my life, grandbaby included.

Hope in the living God Who sent His own Son as a baby so that I could have that hope.

I hope I have happy baby news very soon!

And Aaron hopes that he really doesn’t have to change diapers!

I Don’t Hold My Breath

It started last week with some strange pains in my chest. The pains didn’t seem to be heart related but they were disconcerting regardless. I talked to my doctor’s nurse, who spoke with my doctor, and I got some advice along with an appointment to see her.

Yesterday, after conversation and an exam, I found myself being ushered to various rooms. Labs…chest X-Ray…EKG…a CT Angiogram…and all the waiting that is an inevitable part of the whole process.

After my CT scan, I was led to another waiting area. For a long time, I sat there by myself. There was a small, tall table beside me. I hadn’t paid it much attention. I was looking at the other table across the room and for some reason wondered if the one beside me matched it. So I leaned forward to look at the table next to me. Then I saw it…the Bible laying on the little table.

I felt compelled to pick it up and to open it. I have opened my Bible often in my life at times like this…times of stress and concern. I have never been disappointed in what God has to say to me when I look down and start reading.

I opened the Bible. I looked down to find myself in the book of Job.

I was a little let down. I mean, why couldn’t it have been the Psalms? Not that Job doesn’t have words of God’s encouragement, but the Psalms are stuffed full of really great verses that are meant for these moments of uncertainty such as I was feeling.

I started reading chapter 12. Just look at these verses! Job was speaking:

“But ask the beasts, and they will teach you;

the birds of the heavens, and they will tell you;

or the bushes of the earth, and they will teach you;

and the fish of the sea will declare to you.

Who among all these does not know

that the hand of the Lord has done this?

In his hand is the life of every living thing

and the breath of all mankind.”

Job looked at his terrible suffering and could still say that the Lord’s hand had done that. He knew, and said that even animals and nature know, that all of life is in God’s hand.

But I was blown away by that last line. The breath of all mankind is in God’s hand.

I had been given breathing instructions in every exam and test that morning.

Take a deep breath. Now let it out.

Take a deep breath and hold it.

You may breathe normally now.

Hold your breath.

Now breathe.

And as I sat there waiting on test results, wondering if something serious was wrong, God so gently reminded me that He was holding my very breath in HIS hand.

If something was wrong with me, could I say like Job did that God’s hand had done that? The same hand that held my breath could do with me what He wanted, but whatever it was that He did would be good.

Did I really believe that?

It turned out that the radiologist that we were waiting on to read the CT results was gone. I sat there for an hour only to be told to go home and results would come in later.

It would have been easy to be frustrated by that…to feel like I had just wasted an hour, hungry and tired and with no results.

But I look at it as a sweet gift from God, that time of opening a random Bible and listening to what God had to say to me in that dismal waiting room.

Right now it seems like I am fine, and I’m thankful for that.

But most of all I’m thankful for God sitting with me in that waiting room.

Thankful for the very timely reminder that every breath I take is in His hand.

And on the day I take my last breath, I’ll be holding His hand.

Humbled and Hungry

Recently, Aaron and Gary had both been feeling puny. In fact, they had each been tested for COVID. Thankfully, both were negative.

When a family member is sick, I slip into full-on caregiver mode – which means I usually hit the kitchen and start cooking. I did this last Monday, making a huge pot of potato soup. It was way more than the three of us needed but that’s the way I roll.

We sat down to eat that evening, where Aaron declared that he didn’t like potato soup and that he would not eat.

“That’s fine,” I said. “Suit yourself.”

Gary and I proceeded to eat. Finally, realizing that I was not offering another option to him, Aaron begrudgingly agreed to try a small amount. Three bowls later, he left our table full and happy.

“I liked the potato soup, Mom,” he told me later. I just smiled and thanked him, not telling him that I knew he would because he had eaten it before and loved it.

Sometimes Aaron needs to see that I am not going to give in to what he wants. I will allow him to get hungry in order for him to learn that the food I have made is good and that he needs to eat what is offered.

How amazing it was that the passage I read in Deuteronomy 8 happened right after this object lesson!

Moses was reminding the Israelites about the reasons God had told them to obey Him and to remember all the ways He had led them.

And then in verse three:

“He humbled you, and let you be hungry…”

God let them be hungry.

Why?

So that He could feed them with the manna that He provided. There was nothing they could do in the desert to feed themselves. He gave them what they needed, and in their hunger…a hunger he allowed…He showed them a great truth.

“…that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord.”

I didn’t enjoy seeing Aaron hungry. It would have been easy for me to rush in and offer him something I knew he liked just so he would eat. But if I did, then he would have missed an important lesson: You eat what Mom has provided.

I can look at my life and see that there are many times when I don’t understand the way that God has led or the events that He has allowed.

I ask why. At the time, a decision seemed to be wise and right, but it led to situations that were hard. Sometimes those ongoing situations are the very ones that roll around in my brain in the dark night hours.

But I have learned to push those circumstances aside and to look at God Who loves me without fail. And I know…I KNOW…that the hard times – the times I am humbled and hungry…are by His design and His allowance.

God isn’t being mean when He allows me to experience hunger. He knows that in my hunger I will be more aware of His provision, and I will learn that I do indeed live and eat and prosper only through His food that He provides.

His words to me are manna and life and strength.

And I will come to Him one day, hopefully, full of His Words that I have eaten, and I will thank Him for the hunger that brought me to the place of being satisfied with His goodness.

“How sweet are Your words to my taste! Yes, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” (Psalm 119:103)

Remember When?

Last summer, Aaron had a dentist appointment…and in his usual fashion, he plotted and planned where we could hopefully eat afterwards.

“Mom?” he asked. “Tomorrow after my dentist appointment, can we eat at Jimmy’s Eggs?”

Yes, he calls Jimmy’s Egg – Jimmy’s Eggs. I mean, who just eats one egg, right?!

The next day found us sitting at Jimmy’s Eggs enjoying a delicious lunch/breakfast. And yes, Aaron did happily eat every bite of all this food!

There was, though, another big reason why Aaron loved Jimmy’s Eggs. Well, it was actually a very little reason that was quite big to Aaron.

Can you see it?

An ant!

Aaron wasn’t alarmed at all by having an ant join us for lunch. In fact, Aaron put a little piece of carrot from his salad on the table so the ant wouldn’t feel left out about not being allowed to order lunch. Next, he added a piece of bacon.

The server was embarrassed by the ant, but I told her not to worry. Aaron loved having the ant company, and it made me happy to watch him trying to care for the little guy.

We haven’t been back to Jimmy’s Egg(s) since then. It just hasn’t been on our dining list, but not because of the ant.

One day not long ago, when the closure of restaurants during this virus was hitting home with Aaron, he thought about Jimmy’s Egg(s).

“Mom?” he asked, “remember Jimmy’s Eggs and how we used to eat there before the virus?”

He said it so wistfully that it made me sad. Like now he measures time as Before Virus (BV) and After Virus (AV).

All of us, though, are having similar thoughts.

Remember when?

Remember when I had a job…was planning that trip I had to cancel…was going to march in graduation…could be with my mother in her nursing home or hospital…was having a huge Easter celebration…could go to church…didn’t fear for my family’s life?

I certainly don’t understand everything that’s going on around us and why certain decisions are being made, but here we are.

What I CAN do is pray, a lot, for God’s wisdom and protection for all involved in this mess. That’s basically the whole world, and for our nation in particular.

When I zoom down to my own life, or the lives of so many that I love, I do find myself at times remembering when…and if I’m not careful, fear and sadness can rule my thoughts.

That’s why yesterday morning, when I read these verses, I was so tremendously encouraged.

“But as for me, I trust in You, Oh Lord. I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in Your hand.” (Psalm 31:14-15a)

The word “times” here doesn’t just mean that my lifespan is in God’s hands. David also meant “…all the kaleidoscope of circumstances that meet him left and right. Calvin rightly draws attention to the plural form – ‘times’, and says that David uses it to ‘mark the variety of casualties by which the life of man is usually harassed.’ (Dale Ralph Davis, In the Presence of My Enemies)

Beside verses in my Bible, I often write a date and sometimes a note to remind me of when and how God especially spoke to me through that verse. I call them my memorial stones.

Beside those two verses above, I had written “Nov., 1994.” I was going through a stressful time concerning a possible health issue and the death of my Grandma. We lived in Leavenworth, Gary was deployed for training in the military, I had three little ones, Aaron’s special needs were getting more difficult, and I was far from home and family. But God reached down in that chaos and stress, and He told me very sweetly and clearly that those times…MY times…were in His loving hand.

Now here I was yesterday, with COVID-19 and all its issues swirling around us and those we love, and I was remembering when…

Remembering when God spoke to me all those years ago in another stress.

Remembering when God filled me with peace.

Remembering when God proved His promise to be my God, then, and is doing the same now.

“How often the truth of this text has proven a bastion and bulwark for God’s servants. Ulrich Zwingli, a reformer in Zurich, was visiting his people, trying to console sick and dying. The plague had some to Zurich in August 1519. By autumn Zwingli himself had succumbed to the disease. Confined to bed and staring death in the face, Zwingli prayed: ‘Do as you will, for I lack nothing. I am your vessel to be restored or destroyed.’ Different words, to be sure, but actually just a paraphrase of ‘My times are in your hand.’ One can rest there even in the plague.” (Dale Ralph Davis)

We can rest in God’s hands and in His times for us individually…for our families…for our friends…for our nation…for our world.

Now, beside these verses, I have added a new memorial note: “ COVID-19, April, 2020.”

May God’s promises and His faithfulness be what I remember when I’m “remembering when!”

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Where Is He?

I pulled into our military post gas station years ago in Germany, got out of the car, and began the familiar routine of filling up with gas. But suddenly, I don’t know from where, a fire started on the ground nearby. All I could think about was my little Andrew in his car seat inside our car. Thankfully, no gas had started coming out of my nozzle yet. I quickly placed it back in its holder, jumped in the car, and high tailed it out of there as fast as I could!

Andrew knew that something had upset me. His eyes were big as he asked me what was wrong. I told him about the fire that I had seen and that I wanted us to be safe. But most importantly, I told him, God was with us and had kept us safe.

I wanted to stress that fact to Andrew, so little and so curious about why I had been scared. So, I repeated that truth several times to him on our short drive to our apartment.

“Andrew,” I said, “God was with us and He kept us safe.”

Finally, as I lifted him out of his car seat in our apartment parking lot and held his hand as we walked to our door, I said it once more.

“God was with us, Andrew, and He kept us safe.”

“Yeah,” Andrew agreed. “But where was He? I didn’t see Him!”

We smile at Andrew’s innocent question, but honestly, most of us have felt that way at times.

I just finished reading and studying through the book of John. The end of the book is wrenching. There was Jesus and His disciples, enjoying a quiet Passover meal one night. And the next night, Jesus was dead. The betrayal, the arrest, the farce of a trial, the brutal torture, and the horrible crucifixion. It happened so quickly! The disciples were unprepared for this turn…so lost…so scared…so alone.

How quickly their world had turned upside down!

“Now what?!” I’m sure they said to one another. “What do we do now? Are we next?”

Of course, we know the rest of the story. Knowing the rest, though, sometimes makes me gloss over just how frightening and uncertain their futures must have been to them.

But then came Sunday! There stood Jesus in their midst, very much alive and whole and healed!

And what did He say to them?

“Peace be with you.”

Peace.

The word means quietness…rest…and to be at one again.

Today, we may have the question that my little Andrew did.

“Where is God? I don’t see Him!”

Sometimes we don’t see him as we look at this upside-down world. Literally overnight, with news of a strange new virus, people were in a mass panic. Store shelves emptied…major events canceled…jobs lost…quarantines.

SO much uncertainty!!

“Things are so strange,” everyone is saying. “So weird and scary.”

Indeed, it is a strange and scary time.

But oh, what a time it is to trust our God, those of us who know Him! What a time to see Him in His Word and in our hearts, speaking His words of peace and calmness!

The quietness and rest that God speaks of always brings me to my mother’s favorite verse:

“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

To “be still” actually means to quit striving.

Quit pushing and pulling and struggling and hurrying and worrying and panicking!

Just relax. Just rest. Just breathe deep and let God’s refreshing presence fill your soul and your mind.

And know…KNOW…that He is God.

God is in charge of viruses and shortages and disrupted lives and lost jobs and unexpected decisions.

God has a purpose. He has a plan. He is not surprised.

And if you don’t see Him, then just be still…be quiet…open your Bible…and let Him talk to you.

Then you talk to Him, too, and see what happens.

God wants to be your Savior. He wants to be your Father. He will meet your needs.

His peace be with you, dear ones, during this stressful time. May we shine bright in this dark time.

And may each of us be able to say, “I DID see Him!!”

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The Cold Snap

We have a little bush in our front flower bed, a perennial that we planted probably 17 years ago. In fact, I can’t even remember the name of this little bush, so I just call it that – Little Bush. This hardy bush keeps its leaves on all year long, which is part of its charm. In the summer the leaves are green with some maroon mixed in, and in the fall and winter the leaves are mostly maroon. Small berries also grow among the leaves in the fall, so by Christmas it seems to be all decorated for the season. I really like my Little Bush!

Last year, though, probably starting in March, I noticed that Little Bush didn’t look so healthy. Its leaves that always stay were falling off, until finally only stark, naked branches were there.

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This was quite unusual, and I was worried. Was I finally going to lose my long lasting little bush? Was there something that I could do to save it?

I kept looking at Little Bush, wondering what had happened. Then one day an article in the newspaper caught my attention. The headline said something about how certain trees and bushes in Wichita were losing their leaves. I read the information with interest because of my little bush. The writer explained that earlier in the winter we had experienced several nights when temperatures had dipped to -10 degrees or lower. These frigid temperatures had damaged some trees and bushes that normally held their leaves all winter.

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There was my explanation, I thought. This cold snap had damaged Little Bush. Then the article went on to assure gardeners not to worry but to be patient…that most trees and bushes would begin to grow again in the warmth of spring because their roots were not damaged by the extreme cold.

So I waited and I observed. I checked my little bush routinely and sure enough one day I saw tiny new leaves emerging on the empty twigs.

As time went on and the days passed, the warm spring sun and the rains did their restorative work. Little Bush grew…

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And grew…

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Until finally Little Bush was back, as pretty as ever!

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I’ve had some cold snaps in my life, too…times and events that came unexpectedly and with little or no warning. Everyone has.

Cold snaps hurt. And they take many various forms.

An illness. A diagnosis. Sudden death. Lingering death. Rejection. Accusation. Betrayal. Job loss. Divorce. A prodigal. Regret. Guilt.

I remember my dad’s victory over lung cancer…how relieved and thankful we were when treatments were complete and he was in remission. But before the five-year mark came the blood work and the testing and the phone call…liver cancer…inoperable…four more years of chemo…hospice…

Cold snap. Recovery. Then another cold snap.

But through it all, our family verse brought us each the warmth and the hope that we needed: “God is our refuge and strength; a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1)

Sometimes our hard times…our cold snaps…make us feel like David when he said, “My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all day long – “Where is your God?” (Psalm 42:3)

Where is God in our pain? Oh, He hasn’t gone anywhere! He’s a very PRESENT help in our trouble, remember? He’s right here with us.

Right after David said his tears were his food, he said, “Why are you in despair, oh my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His PRESENCE.” (Psalm 42:5)

My little bush had hope because its roots were secure, and so do we who know and follow Christ. We have hope in our despair because we know that God is sovereign…He is in control…He has a plan…He is present…and He has a purpose for the cold snaps that rock our world.

“I called on Your name, O Lord, out of the lowest pit. You have heard my voice. Do not hide Your ear from my prayer for relief, from my cry for help. You drew near when I called on You. You said – “Do not fear!” (Lamentations 3:55-57)

God is near in our pain…near in our pondering…near in our praise that arises even out of hurt and unanswered questions.

I love these lyrics of Jeremy Camp’s song, He Knows:

All the bitter weary ways

Endless striving day by day

You barely have the strength to pray

In the valley low.

And how hard your fight has been

How deep the pain within

Wounds that no one else has seen

Hurts too much to show.

All the doubt you’re standing in between

And all the weight that brings you to your knees.

He knows

Every hurt and every sting

He has walked the suffering.

He knows

Let your burdens come undone

Lift your eyes up to the one

Who knows

He knows.

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Tired of This

Recently, Aaron had his Epilepsy doctor visit. After his appointment we had to walk over to the building next door for Aaron to have some blood drawn. His liver function needs to be checked routinely due to one of his newer seizure drugs. Aaron wasn’t thrilled about that because he really wanted to hurry up at the doctor and then go to Pizza Hut like we had planned. Eating lunch out, after all, is the real reason Aaron was with me that day. At least that’s the real reason according to Aaron. Going to the lab was just another annoying delay in reaching his true objective. The Pizza Hut Buffet…oh, and Wal-Mart after that. We mustn’t forget the all-important Wal-Mart visit!

The next morning found us going down to the air base for yet another lab visit for Aaron. This time we were preparing for Aaron’s 2-year physical, so labs had to be done ahead of time for that. No matter that we were getting some sleet and snow – we needed to get this done. Aaron had resigned himself to no lunch out that day but instead I would take him to his day group on my way home. However, our van engine light came on, so I had to go back over to our side of town…run to our shop to ask about the light…and by then, I just decided to keep Aaron at home. Happy Aaron! A tiny bit frustrated Mom. And an even happier Aaron when he heard the words “Taco Bell” come out of my mouth.

On the following afternoon, the air base called to tell me that they had messed up on one of Aaron’s tests. We would need to come back and have more blood drawn. UGH!!! Fasting blood work, which would mean getting there in the morning. But the next morning I had to take Gary to his foot surgeon appointment. Gary, who still wasn’t driving due to his surgery.

I’m just scratching the surface of my life right now. And honestly, I’m not complaining. I’m just reporting. (Thank you, Alice Zwemke, for giving us that wonderful statement so many years ago!!). 😊

There we were on that cold Friday morning, back at the air base lab. Aaron was dreary and slow, tired in several ways. He pulled up his shirt sleeve without being told because he knows the routine so well, looked at his new watch perched halfway to his elbow the way he must always wear it, and slowly stretched as he waited for the tourniquet and needle.

“I’m tired of this,” he muttered in his resigned monotone voice.

There went my heart. I wanted to scoop him up in a motherly hug, but it wasn’t the time or place for that. Besides, motherly hugs rarely have a time and place in Aaron’s autistic world.

But I had another reaction as well. The depleted side of my spirit nearly kicked in. My thought was this:

“YOU’RE tired??! I’M the one who’s tired!!”

Yep. Those truly are the words that swarmed around in my head.

Tiredness has been closely following on my heels lately. Not just physical tiredness, although that is certainly present, but a soul weariness that has crept into my spirit.

All of us reach that point at some point.

“I’m so tired of ________.”

Then all of us can fill in that blank…or several blanks, right?

With Aaron, being his mother AND his caregiver, I am pulled this way and that.

Seizures. Autism. Medicines. Side effects of medicines. Weight loss. Low sodium. Needs to eat more. Needs to drink less. New medicines. New side effects. Blood work. Behaviors. Routines. Disrupted routines. Needing caregivers.

Sometimes I’m just so tied up in all of it.

And tied down to all of it.

Discouragement can sneak in unexpectedly. A comment. A picture. A thought. I can let it get to me in ways I know I shouldn’t.

Discouragement can roar in like a Kansas tornado. A seizure. A behavior. A disappointment.

What I do at that point with my discouragement is key to my frame of mind from that point forward.

I can nurture a heavy spirit, or I can let the Holy Spirit do His sweet work in my heart. I can’t change my situation, really, but I sure can work to change my attitude.

I do this through thinking more about my blessings than my burdens. No matter what, I do have so many blessings and it does my tired heart good to think about those instead of wishing for what isn’t.

Another thing that helps me is to go to my Bible, especially the Psalms. For instance, just read and hear the wonderful instruction and hope in these verses.

When I thought, “My foot slips,” Your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. When the cares of my heart are many, Your consolations cheer my soul.

(Psalm 94:18-19)

It’s not a shallow pep talk. It’s listening to God Himself and trusting that He knows where I am and what I face…and He cares!

Then sometimes there are extra nuggets of love from Aaron himself – rare as nuggets of gold – that warm my soul and remind me of the value of this life that God has given me.

Not long ago, after some seizures and while we watched a show, Aaron looked over at me and surprisingly said:

“Mom, I’m glad you’re caring for me.”

He rubbed his hands together happily as he saw the smile on my face.

“I’m glad I’m caring for you, too, Aaron,” I replied.

And very, very glad that God is taking care of us both!

The Skies From My Window

Many of you know that I love taking pictures of our pretty Kansas sky. My favorite place to take those pictures is from the window in one of our upstairs bedrooms. This bedroom will always be, to us, Andrea’s room – even though she moved from home several years ago. When I see a particularly pretty sky I will run upstairs, open the window and lift the screen, and fire away with my phone camera.

As I look back on these pictures, I find that no two are the same. Absolutely every shot of our sky, on every day that I took those shots, is entirely different……if there are clouds involved, that is. I don’t usually take pictures of a totally blue sky, though blue skies are nice. But after a while, completely blue skies would be a little boring.

Sometimes the pictures are simply beautiful, like the one I snapped last night. Isn’t this just breathtaking?

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Some inspire awe, like this one.

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Sometimes I see life.

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Other times the seasons show themselves.

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This one view, from the same windows…..the same vantage point……is anything from being the same, day by day.

It’s a lot like my circumstances in life……like yours, too, I’m sure. Our circumstances change, sometimes often and other times less frequently. At times the changes are dramatic. Other times the changes come subtly, but they come regardless.

Our circumstances may be pleasant, and some of the changes we go through can be happy and pleasant as well.

But other circumstances are painful or shocking, involving deep hurt……fear……dread.

Last week I found out about two friends who were just diagnosed with cancer. And I took another friend for some testing after an X-Ray showed something suspicious. We are still awaiting her results. Some have already received disturbing news…..others are still waiting, with dread, on what may be.

My circumstances……my surroundings……can on one day fill me with peace and on the next day fill me with worry. It’s like my view of our sky from the upstairs windows. Sometimes peaceful…..

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Sometimes stormy……

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I’ve been reading through the book of Exodus. Moses certainly experienced a variety of circumstances in his life……plenty of high’s and low’s. From a basket in the bulrushes to the palace. From the palace to the desert. From shepherding sheep to leading a nation. From the parting of the Red Sea to the grumbling of that unhappy nation. From speaking to God on the mountain to confronting idol worship at the foot of the mountain. From obedience to anger.

After the Israelites had given up on Moses and turned to worshipping the golden calf, Moses and God both were pretty angry. Moses went back to God after things settled down a bit and he prayed. He said, “God, let me know your ways that I may know you….”

God’s answer? “And He said, My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest.”

God’s presence is all that His people needed……and it’s all that you and I need. He’s promised to be with us, and He’s promised to give His children rest.

Two things I’ve learned in the years that I have lived. First, don’t look to my surroundings for rest…..even in the good times. When life is going well, with sunny skies and soothing views ahead, those things should not be the source of my rest and peace. I’m thankful when life is pleasant, but pleasantness is not the source of rest. Only God is to be my strength and my peace. Knowing Him and depending on Him, following Him and trusting Him, is still the number one thing I need to do when the skies are sunny and beautiful.

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Second, I’ve learned to also not let my surroundings…..my circumstances……pull me down and rob me of rest. This happens so easily when skies are stormy and life is stressful. Bad news…..stressful relationships……more bills than we have money……wayward children…… We all know what it’s like. Life is full of the hard times, unfortunately, and they often happen suddenly. At other times we live under the stresses day after day as they gradually take their toll. But still, the rough times are to be a time of rest……..and they can be if we know the same God that Moses knew.

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For God’s promise to Moses is our promise as well: “My presence shall go with you and I will give you rest.” (Exodus 33:14)

Remember I said that pictures of blue skies would get boring? I love blue skies, but honestly the best pictures occur when clouds are present.

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So it is with us. I believe the best lessons are learned when we have some clouds in our lives. Deeper trust and greater joy have been my experience during the stormier times of life.

Those clouds also bring a more intimate walk with God, full of so much beauty. Hopefully I can reflect Him more as I walk closer beside Him.

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And I can rest. I don’t know today how God will give me rest, but He has said He will and I believe Him.

Rest, and enjoy the view, because with God life is stunning.

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What Am I Cultivating?

I sat on our patio one recent morning, enjoying coffee while watching birds and dragonflies flitting all around. The mowed yard, the green trees, the blue sky…it was all so pretty and pleasant. But then my eyes wandered over to our garden plot. UGH!! So much for looking at beauty!

Why? Because for the second year in a row, Gary and I did not plant a vegetable garden. Rain…two out-of-town trips…schedules – it all added up to once again, no garden.

Now our small garden area is a huge mess, full of overgrown weeds and sad neglected old tomato cages. What a difference to have gone from this:

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To this:

Same ground, but different cultivating.

I read this verse around the time I was thinking about the comparison in our little piece of land from one year to the next.

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.” (Psalm 37:3)

God’s desire for Israel was for them to dwell in the land He had promised to them. He told them over and over that dwelling in the land successfully and fully would require their total obedience to Him. In Deuteronomy 30:15-20, God told Israel very clearly what their choice was:

“See, I have set before you today life and prosperity, and death and adversity; in that I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways and to keep His commandments and His statutes and His judgments, that you may live and multiply, and that the Lord your God may bless you in the land where you are entering to possess it.” (v. 15-16)

God told them that disobedience would bring death and a curse. He urged them to choose life by loving the Lord, obeying His voice, and holding fast to Him. And not just life but life AND prosperity.

In other words, to cultivate faithfulness.

This same principle is very true for me today. I have a choice to make. God won’t force me to make the right one, but He has told me what the right choice is and how to make that choice.

It’s simple, really. Choose to love God, choose to obey Him, and hold fast to Him. Hold fast by hanging onto Him when life is crazy and tiring and disappointing.

I get really tired sometimes. I know we all do. Just as I began this blog, Aaron called me from his day group. I knew he had been having a hard day, and his voice and manner on the phone confirmed it. I ended up just picking him up early today to avoid any further meltdowns at his day group. This change in my day was not in my plan. His attitude today makes me angry and tired.

And guess what I saw before all this happened? Beautiful beach vacation pictures. When I hung up from talking to Aaron, I was wanting to just hang up this life with him too, quite honestly. For a fleeting minute, I wanted to give in to my beach thoughts…have a pity party…and allow myself the “luxury” of wallowing in the wishes for a life I don’t have.

I just HAD to be writing a blog today on faithfulness, right?!

You see, God has put me right here where I am. This life with Aaron is not what I had planned, but I must see and trust that this life with Aaron is what God planned…for me.

And in this life that He planned for me, I really do want to live it in victory and joy. I want to cultivate this:

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And not this:

It truly is up to me which picture will be the picture of my life. I choose what to cultivate by choosing whether to love God…obey Him…and hold fast to Him.

I love Him by praising Him even when I don’t like what’s going on around me.

I obey Him by reading His word and finding out what exactly it is He wants me to do each day…and then DO it!

And I hold fast to Him by not allowing my thoughts to digress into selfish wishful thinking and all those “what if’s?” and asking Him to give me grace to love and handle Aaron correctly.

I should know that when God burdens me with a blog, then He’s going to hammer it home to me in a very personal way! 😊

So, wherever you are today…on a public stage or stuck at home…reeling from an unexpected diagnosis…planning a funeral…facing life alone as a single…hurting from unfaithfulness…starting all over in a new life or new church or new friends…losing your job or needing a new one…raising your grandchildren…raising special needs children…

Whatever is your situation, just remember:

CULTIVATE FAITHFULNESS!

And just watch what God will grow in your life!

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Lens #1

Last week, I once again took Aaron to his yearly eye exam. Doctor visits are always an adventure with Aaron. Waiting for the doctor to come into the exam room is also a test of my patience. Aaron stretches and wants to lay down.

Or he eyes the tempting equipment and tools that the doctor uses, trying to pick them up and test them out before I tell him to stop.

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As I sat with Aaron last week and watched him during the exam, I was reminded of the following post from a couple years ago. This was such a funny moment for me! Here is what I wrote:

I took Aaron to his yearly eye exam today. God bless Aaron’s eye doctor. Next week I’ll be saying, “God bless Aaron’s dental hygienist,” but today all blessings go his eye doctor and to the staff. Oh, Aaron isn’t mean. He just has a very difficult time understanding what the doctor needs from him…..how to express what he is seeing or not seeing clearly…..opening his eyes wide…..not leaning back from every instrument that comes toward his eyes…..things like that. There was one very funny interchange, though, during the exam. You know how the doctor wants you to tell which lens helps you to see the letters on the wall the clearest.

Dr. Nelson: Aaron, is number one better? Or number two?

Aaron: Number one.

Dr. Nelson: OK. Now which is better? Number three, or number four?

Aaron: Number one.

Dr. Nelson: Let’s try again. Number three, or number four?

Aaron: The first one.

Dr. Nelson: You mean number three….here…..or number four…..here.

Aaron: Number one.

Dr. Nelson: Let’s try these. Number five, or number six.

Aaron: The first one.

Dr. Nelson: Let’s try number seven…..

Aaron: Number one.

Dr. Nelson: OK, let’s not do numbers anymore. Is this one better, or this one better?

Aaron: Number one.

HaHaHaHa!!!!!! How I wanted to belly laugh!! I do believe that number one was the winner, don’t you??!! 😎😵🤣

However accurate Lens #1 was, Aaron was sure that this was the lens he liked the best. He didn’t waver one bit from that determination.

I’ve been thinking about this as I look at my own life, and the lives of many that I know and love.

Through what lens am I looking at my life?

I just ran upstairs to be with Aaron as he had another seizure today. I’m thankful he was lying down, so there was no falling and no injuries. But his seizures, especially after all these years, are serious and scary. As we get older, and as Aaron gets older, Gary and I do wonder about our future and his future.

In the past days, I have communicated with family and friends who are enduring all kinds of trials. Two with aggressive and serious forms of cancer, out of the blue. Tragic family issues. Separation. Divorce. Friends who just bought a house and now he lost his job, literally overnight with no warning. Lots of chronic health issues with no end in sight.

So much suffering! And the way that I view suffering depends upon which lens I choose to look through.

I know the lens I NEED to be using. I need to focus on the God that I know and on His word that He has given me. I may be rattled and shaken, but my focus will be sharp if I’m looking to God. My faith is in and on Him when I look to Him…not disrupted by all the suffering around me that I or others are enduring.

It’s like Aaron’s eye exam. I need to realize that lens #2 or lens #3 are not right for me.

Fear is not a lens God wants me to use when viewing my circumstances, or the circumstances of those I love. Neither is anger…or worry…or a host of other responses that are all too common for me.

I know that when I have my eyes off God, life becomes blurry. I lose focus. I lose peace. I lose hope.

I need to go back to lens #1, for sure!!!

The best way for me to keep my focus is to go to my Bible…to read God’s promises and let His words soak into my mind and my heart.

My parent’s favorite Bible passage is perfect for me to use in keeping my focus:

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore

we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains

slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the

mountains quake at its swelling pride. (Psalm 46:1-3)

God told us we would have suffering and trouble on this earth. But He also has promised to be our very present help, our strength and our refuge, no matter what carnage is around us. He is a loving Father who takes care of His children.

This is the focus I need. God is the focus I need.

God is my lens #1.

I love the old hymn, The Solid Rock. Look at verses 2 and 3:

When darkness veils His lovely face,

I rest on His unchanging grace;

In every high and stormy gale,

My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,

Support me in the whelming flood;

When all around my soul gives way,

He then is all my hope and stay.

On Christ the solid rock I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand,

All other ground is sinking sand.

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