Today is our anniversary! Gary and I have been married 42 years. I don’t even know how that’s possible, but somehow it is.
There we stood in my beautiful home church in West Virginia, young and in love, pledging our vows to each other.
Now we’re old, although I really don’t feel like it most days…and we’re still in love. Our love is deeper and more settled than those early years, rooted in all the ups and downs of life that we have weathered together.
On my mind today are those familiar vows that are so often spoken at weddings. We promised to stay true to each other “in sickness and in health.”
Never ever even once did I think of the sickness and health part as being anyone other than Gary or me. Having a child with lifelong health issues was not anywhere on our radar when we spoke those words to each other and before God.
Today our plans were simple. We would eat lunch out together while Aaron was at his day group. Time alone while Aaron was happily occupied was a perfect plan.
Just before 8:00 this morning I heard Aaron having a seizure. This is not unexpected. I knew at that moment that our anniversary day plans would be changed.
Later, when Aaron was awake and hungry, here was our view for a late breakfast on our patio.
And it’s OK, truly. Gary and I are very used to these sorts of changed plans in our life. And I am not trying in any way to garner sympathy.
What has been on my mind this morning is that when Gary and I spoke those vows about sickness, we in reality were referring to our life with Aaron as much as anything – though we had no idea of our future.
Aaron’s life of special needs has been very trying at times. Yet through it all, Gary has stood right by my side. He has never wavered due to the stress of it all. The demands of our many years in the military, his own career decisions, our moves, so many doctors, hospital stays…well, I could go on for a long time about how Aaron’s life has impacted Gary’s in particular.
But Gary never bailed on me or Aaron. He has led and sacrificed and given of himself to both me and Aaron over and over and over.
So our vows, as I ponder them this morning, have taken on an even sweeter meaning to me.
Staying true in our son’s sickness and health is indeed the greatest gift of love that I have been given by my husband…my husband of 42 years!!
Our mother passed away six years ago, just before Mother’s Day. I wrote this blog a few years before her death and so today wanted to post it again in honor and remembrance of this amazing woman that we were blessed to call Mom.
Some of my earliest memories of my mother revolve around her amazing skills as a seamstress. I remember being very young and seeing Mom sitting at her sewing machine, turning out something beautiful and seemingly perfect from all sorts of fabrics. She kept us girls busy in those early years while she sewed by giving us pieces of felt in various colors. From this soft felt we fashioned clothes for our little troll dolls, cutting and fitting each ugly troll as if it was a priceless and beautiful doll. Mom provided glitter and sequins and odd buttons for us to glue onto our awkward handiwork. We stayed busy for hours laboring over our important creations. I don’t remember all the mess we must have made, but I do remember laboring over our little troll dolls while Mom labored over her more important sewing jobs. Mom made small, meticulous Barbie doll ensembles which she sold in a local craft store, and also made some for us to keep. Yet her most loving works of art were the countless pieces of clothing she made for her girls to wear.
Every Easter we had new Easter dresses. I especially remember the Easter that she made all of us girls pink gingham dresses – and then made one for herself, as well. I thought it was wonderful to not only match my sisters, but to also be dressed like my mother! I remember the trips to Penny’s in Bluefield, the bigger town that was near our hometown of Princeton. I loved the escalator ride down to the bottom floor, where we would choose patterns and fabrics and buttons for our new clothes. Never did we go to the ready-made clothes upstairs or enter a dressing room. Our clothing was there amongst the bolts of fabric, waiting to be matched to patterns and later sewn into pretty dresses and jackets and blouses. I do believe that I took the longest to select the fabric to match the patterns as I had such a difficult time seeing the finished product in my head. I would stand there, rubbing the fabric between my fingers, trying to visualize a finished product that somehow wasn’t materializing in my mind. I can imagine Mom’s frustration as I lingered there trying to make this important decision………..as well as the rolling eyes of my sisters who had finished this process long before I did.
Mom worked full-time after we were all in school, yet still managed to sew all of our clothes. She was a natural at this art, yes, but it still took lots of time. She would sew late into the night, her dedication undeterred by her tiredness. I never gave enough thought to how tiring this effort must have been to her until I had children of my own. How did she do it all? I have no idea, really, but she did. Her work was not only beautiful with matching plaids and perfect zippers and flawless fit, but each stitch was filled with a love that wasn’t recognized by us until years later.
One of my most special memories was of the year when we were teenagers, and Mom made us skirts for Christmas. I don’t know how many skirts she made, but there were quite a few. Then she not only began looking for matching sweaters to wear with each skirt, but matching knee socks as well. She did not give up this quest for the correct colors of sweaters and socks until each skirt had what it needed to make it a perfect ensemble. We learned about this later, from Dad, who accompanied her on many of these trips.
Dad, who was color blind and absolutely no help when it came to matching colors of anything, would patiently take Mom on many of these shopping trips. I can still see him standing silently on the sidelines in the fabric stores, hands behind his back and a sweet smile on his face. He never rushed Mom or any of us, but stood there until we had come to the point of methodically selecting every button and every spool of thread. I can still hear him say, “Did you know that there are 53 light bulbs in this ceiling?” Or, “Did you know that there are 271 zippers in that display?” Dear, sweet Dad!
John and Jeanie’s Quilt
When Mom and Dad both retired, Mom only continued her sewing. She had sewn for her children, for grandchildren, for friends, for the Crisis Pregnancy Center, and who knows what else. Upon retirement, she decided to take up quilting. Of course, she was a natural at this skill. She practiced by making her and Dad a lovely quilt, and then took up the goal of making each of us five children and spouses a quilt. These gorgeous works of art were each sewn entirely by hand with no sewing machine used. She had us each pick our pattern and our colors – there I went again, having to make this difficult visual choice! Mom never wasted a minute in any day, and before long she was completing our individual, personal, gorgeous quilts. Dad took her to countless stores and quilt shops, patiently waiting over and over again as she selected just the right fabrics. Each stitch was a labor of love……….each completed quilt a perfect picture of her devotion to her children. I keep my quilt hanging in our kitchen area so that we can see it every day and enjoy its beauty, and bask in the warm memories that it evokes.
Mom made many, many quilts during the next few years. She made quilts for missionaries; she made a special quilt for a dear friend who had no mother of her own to make her one; she made a quilt for the Prophet’s Chamber at church where missionaries stayed when visiting; and she made a memory quilt that has special fabrics and mementos from each of us children and our children.
Bob and Jan’s Quilt
Jimmy and Kathryn’s Quilt
Mom has Alzheimer’s now and lives in an assisted living center. Tomorrow she will celebrate her 86th birthday. Dad knew that Mom was showing distressing signs of forgetfulness before he passed away nearly four years ago, and he worried so about her. He would be happy with her living arrangement now and with how well cared for she is. She doesn’t sew at all now. She’s even forgotten how to put her jigsaw puzzles together that she loved so much. Sometimes she doesn’t remember all of our names, and definitely not the names of all the grandchildren and great-grands. But she is sweet and she is happy and she still seeks to serve others.
Bob and Mary Beth’s Quilt
Gary and Patty’s Quilt
And just as our keepsake quilts will always be an heirloom to pass down to our children, even more so are the pieces of our lives that she shaped and fashioned together with her tireless love and effort. She took care of us, providing the atmosphere of a happy and warm home to treasure as she sewed and cooked and played and laughed. She made sure that we had family devotions every morning before school because Dad was at work and so it was up to her. She took us to church when Dad was working late, and didn’t just drop us off – she was there, too, worshipping and serving. She showed us how to love and how to work and how to pray and how to laugh and how to persevere through hard times. She exemplified great care in how she took care of her mother for 14 years, as well as her mother-in-law for part of that time. And she loved Dad, totally. She never left his side, especially for the eight years that he fought cancer. Even when they no longer could share their bed they had slept in together for 59 years, she slept right beside his hospital bed, her arm and hand resting on him between the bed rails.
These traits of our mother are the stitches that are sewn into our very being. The pieces of our lives were begun by her, thought-out and cut, measured and pieced, day by day. As the years marched on, the shapes of our lives began to unfold. The beauty of the various patterns began to be seen. These are the treasures that are eternal. These are the heirlooms that have more value than any quilt will ever possess. And while our mother may not remember much anymore about the details of the past or the present, we have the evidence in our lives of her love and her faith…………a beautiful quilt of a life well lived.
A good word for this year, and especially for the upcoming days of uncertainty for believers politically. This is from the book I am reading as I study the book of Numbers. God appeared to Israel as He hovered over the tent of meeting as a cloud by day and fire by night. When the cloud or fire moved, they moved. It required a great deal of trust, especially when God didn’t move for long periods. Like Israel, we want to see God move and when it appears He isn’t, then it’s easy to become discouraged and to lose hope.
“There were days when they could see that they were making progress, but at other times they may have been puzzled because nothing was happening. Why the tiresome delay? For most of us, at some time or another, life has its bewildering waiting times. The evidence of God’s continuing care appears limited, even absent. The Puritans spoke about ‘the soul’s winter times’, when everything appears cold, bleak, and barren. We wish God would speak to us more clearly about why we are going through such dark days, when it is hard to hold on. BUT WAITING TIMES ARE NOT WASTED TIMES. When the guidance we look for is just not there, we must calmly renew our confidence in God; ‘such a resolution can never go to hell with thee’, said Thomas Goodwin. There is some wise purpose in life’s bleak experiences. GOD IS STILL PRESENT. ‘Moses approached the thick darkness where God was.’ In the desolate years of late-seventeenth-century persecution, John Flavel urged his contemporaries to ‘exercise the faith of adherence when you have lost the faith of evidence.’ (Raymond Brown)
God knows what He is doing…and if our road ahead is hard, God still knows what He is doing.
In our personal lives…in our lives in God’s kingdom…in our family lives – we must trust God and obey Him and leave all the rest up to Him. I believe hard days are ahead for Christians. But I would by far rather be following God today than to follow any other person or cause.
Thank you, God, for reminding us at this time of year that You are Immanuel…GOD WITH US. We really have nothing to fear.
Aaron and I were in the middle of watching an episode of The Waltons last night when he pushed the pause button and got up from his chair. He went to the kitchen and soon returned carrying a huge bag of popcorn. We’re talking huge in the sense of Sam’s huge. All I envisioned was Aaron putting his hand into our community bag of popcorn, grabbing a few pieces, and then putting his hand up to and partially into his mouth.
Germs!! My mind could see all those little, microscopic germs being transferred into our huge bag of popcorn. YUCK!
I stopped Aaron in his tracks, told him to pour some popcorn into a bowl, and over his grumbling he went back to the kitchen to do what I had said. It wasn’t long, though, before I heard this:
“Mom, can you come here? I need some help.”
Did he ever! When I walked into the kitchen, there on the floor was a big mess. Aaron had spilled lots of popcorn on the floor. Mom to the rescue! Aaron got the broom, and we were soon able to clean up the mess.
All around me today I see messes. So much upheaval is in our country and the world today. People are suffering and worried and angry. I wish the messes we see were as easy to clean up as Aaron’s popcorn on the floor, but we all know that’s not the case.
I read and studied Psalm 22 this morning. I agree with Dale Davis, who says that David is speaking of his own suffering in this Psalm and yet goes “beyond his suffering and into the suffering of Another.” David’s suffering also spoke of the suffering of Jesus still to come.
Certainly, the suffering of Christ for us is the greatest gift ever given. Yet it’s also in David’s earthly anguish that you and I as followers of Christ can find great comfort as we navigate this dangerous world in which we now live.
I, like David, can look behind me in my years of following the Lord and I can see His faithfulness to me. I have no reason to doubt that He will remain faithful in the days yet ahead.
I look around me and I feel the chilling wind of change…change that is not good for believers. I see how the world’s perception of Christians today has become warped…how we appear by liberal definition to be bigots and racists and haters. How if we don’t jump on board with radical agendas and unbiblical lifestyles then we are not welcome to live in their world.
The description that David gives of his persecutors sounds eerily similar to some of our accusers that I see on the news today. He pictures his haters as bulls who encircle him and open their mouths wide at him; as lions who are tearing and roaring; mad wild dogs who have closed in on him; evildoers who surround him.
Remember the looks on the faces of the rioters when they hurled insults at those who attended White House events this past summer? We’ve seen and heard that same spewed hatred over and over, aimed at pro-lifers and conservatives and Christians in various settings.
I never thought I’d see the day when moral values are demeaned and blatant ungodliness is held up as the national standard.
But it is here, and it is now.
What jumped off the page to me this morning as I read Psalm 22 is this:
“But You, O Lord, be not far off; O You, my help, hasten to my assistance. Deliver my soul from the sword, my only life from the power of the dog. Save me from the lion’s mouth; FROM THE HORNS OF THE WILD OXEN YOU ANSWER ME.” (Psalm 22:19-21)
David was already in the middle of great trouble. The picture is of him being actively mauled. But in the midst of being attacked, David asserted that God answered Him.
God doesn’t always remove my attackers, in whatever form they come, but He DOES hear me and answer me.
David learned that he may have felt forsaken but in reality, he was not. God was there in every scary moment.
And so He is with us and He WILL continue to be with us. He will surround us while we figure out how to function as the minority in our culture today. He will answer us from the horns of the wild oxen!
David knew that though he felt forsaken at times, God was there with him. And God is with us as well.
“For He has not despised and He has not detested the affliction of the afflicted, nor has He hidden His face from him, but when he cried to Him, He heard.” (Psalm 22:24)
God knows. God hears.
I will praise Him and I will share Him with others.
I will stand strong for truth.
And some day, in His timing, He will clean up all this mess.
Life has been pretty tempestuous and I’m not just talking about a whirling mess out in the Gulf by the name of Laura. We’ve had our own commotion under our roof. Hurricane Aaron has been building for several days and the other night we were inundated with his storm surge. Honestly, though, my outburst was stronger than his by a long shot!
Ah, the wonders and joys of autism. Aaron wants…needs…routine and predictability and all his things in all their proper places. Upheaval of any kind creates stress for him, and stress for Aaron inevitably creates stress for Gary and me as his parents and caregivers.
The stresses around us that cause us angst do affect him because his level world is easily tipped by what Gary and I are going through. Aaron expects us to stay as level as he needs us to be, but we all know that life just isn’t that way.
When Aaron sees Gary and me off kilter, he will then seek to identify what is bothering us. Then that person or that event becomes the enemy because they have affected him. Aaron doesn’t mean to be narcissistic. That delightful character trait is part and parcel with autism. We know that fact in our heads but sometimes the understanding doesn’t transfer to our hearts during the turmoil.
Several events have impacted us over this past week. A hoped-for trip to Indiana to see our son didn’t happen. Disappointment over changed plans crept in.
Then last week we grieved with our daughter and son-in-law, Kyle and Andrea, over the sudden serious health issues of one of their beloved dogs. Aries started having seizures. The next week was heart-rending as he declined drastically. So, this past Friday they made that awful end-of-life decision. Gary and I were so sad, but I also think that seeing our children’s grief increased our own. We loved Aries, and we love Kyle and Andrea, so our sorrow was two-fold.
This is the prayer Kyle prayed the night they said goodbye to Aries:
Aaron really can’t handle seeing us cry but try as we might he did see our tears over the loss of Aries. We now had the double whammy of changed trip plans and heartbreak over Aries.
However, we were only halfway done with disruptions. Out in the ocean, Tropical Storm Laura was brewing. Kyle and Andrea live to the east of Houston, near the water. Kyle works on a fast responder ship, and those huge vessels don’t stay in the harbor during a hurricane. Fast forward to today: Kyle is now on the ship up in one of the channels and will stay there indefinitely. Andrea is home alone with their other 3 doggies. She knows she is welcome to go to Kyle’s parent’s home a little further inland but it’s not best to leave your home if you can possibly stay. So, Gary flew to Houston yesterday and is there with her, which is such a comfort. His retirement a month ago is a blessing!
Aaron senses our concern about all this hurricane business. He usually likes to watch the progress of hurricanes, but not this time. Why? Because Gary and I are spending too much time, in Aaron’s opinion, monitoring Hurricane Laura…wondering about Kyle and Andrea…planning Gary’s sudden trip…and talking on the phone. No matter how calm we are, all this time and talk is unusual to Aaron. Sometimes it takes time away from Aaron.
On Monday evening, as I finished looking once again at the Weather Channel, Aaron became rude and I became undone. I lost my temper and lost my cool, and Aaron reacted, and we had our own tempest in the family room. These things do happen, especially when we are stressed, but then the tension and guilt are increased. It takes some doing to un-do it all.
Aaron paced in and out of the family room where I still sat. We tried to watch a Little House episode but he just could not settle down so he chose to end it and go to bed. But he kept coming back to me with one more word of anger. Then he finally stood in front of me.
“I know what I’ll do!!” he belligerently said.
And with that, he stuck his tongue out at me.
I tell you, I just had to laugh. He didn’t mean for it to be hilarious, but it was. I kept my laugh to a minimum and somehow he didn’t get more angry, but it was just really funny.
I knew when Aaron was finally OK by what happened soon after. He came bounding once again into the family room, stared at me, and then said:
“Mom? Do you know what a sea mine is?”
A sea mine?! But I was actually quite relieved to be talking about sea mines. Aaron is playing Battleship on his computer, so talk of sea mines was perfectly normal for him. It showed that he had at last moved beyond our anger and beyond the unsettled surroundings of his world, and he was back to his normal. I didn’t care one bit about sea mines but trust me, at this point sea mines were a very welcome reprieve!
Aaron’s normal rarely involves human emotion or important life events that impact us. These issues cause him distress, so he quickly reverts to talk of battleships and sea mines and gun turrets and whatever else comprises his focus at that time. Gary and I so often shake our heads, but we know we must jump on board with Aaron in order to preserve our peace. It’s both very frustrating and very fascinating to see how his mind works.
There is one more thing going on. Aaron’s bedroom remodel begins tomorrow. Gary and I had to empty it before Gary left for Houston. That caused some anxiety, to say the least. But beyond that is the fact that now Aaron is in another bedroom where all his things are NOT in their normal place.
“Mom!! This bed isn’t like my bed!!”
“Mom!! I like my lamp better!!”
“Mom!! I don’t like this hard floor!!”
“Mom!! I hope I’m not getting a hard floor!!”
“Mom!! I want to keep my carpet!!”
“Mom!! My chair doesn’t work right on this hard floor!!”
Shall I continue?
No. But Aaron will, trust me.
I took Aaron to Outback yesterday after we dropped Gary off at the airport. Aaron was in his happy place…a restaurant with his choice of food! As we munched on the warm bread and butter, Aaron looked down at the two pieces left on the cutting board.
“Mom,” he said, “you can have this one and I’ll have the other one.”
I laughed because the one he generously gave to me was the much smaller piece while he got the bigger one. And it just reminded me of how life is with Aaron. He doesn’t mean to be this way, but he does require the bigger part of our time and of our understanding and of our attention.
Therefore, Gary and I require a bigger part of God’s grace and God’s understanding and God’s strength on days such as we have had this past week.
And God’s forgiveness when we blow it.
I’m so thankful that He understands.
And I was so thankful to see Aaron smile yesterday as I was able to restore some of his normal. It’s my responsibility, yes, but also my joy as his mother and his caregiver.
By the way, in the eye of the storm there is peace. God’s peace, which never fails, is there for me.
Aaron is a very impatient “waiter.” Not a “waiter” as in serving us but waiting as in wanting me to do something…NOW! We often see this attitude in the evenings. That’s because every evening he and I watch a show. Lately, it’s Little House on the Prairie. Anyway, here is how the evening may very well go:
Aaron: Mom, what time are we watching Little House on the Prairie?
Me: Let’s watch it at 8:45.
But before long he will more than likely come back downstairs to find me.
Aaron: Mom, let’s just watch it now!
Me: No. We’ll watch it at 8:45.
Me: Because I have some things to do and 8:45 is a good time for us to watch it.
Aaron: But I want to watch it NOW!!
Sometimes Aaron can be appeased and convinced that 8:45 will come before he knows it. Other times, however, he becomes frustrated and angry. The waiting game is anything BUT a game at that point, for either of us.
When we do sit down to the opening music of our program, Aaron is content. He has his snacks beside him, his blanket over him, and all is well. But it’s only well because he was waiting on an event that finally happened.
How I wish that he would transfer his waiting focus on me. I wish he would trust ME to do what I said I would do and then rest in that fact instead of resting on actually beginning his show, with his snacks and his routine in place.
In my spiritual life, this is a lesson I am forever needing to refine.
I find myself waiting on a “what” instead of waiting on “Who.”
Waiting on some prayed-for event instead of waiting on the One Who will bring the events in my life to pass as He sees best.
Do you ever pray for something to the point that the “something” you’re praying for becomes your focus? I sure do.
And that “something” is probably a very good thing. But here’s the thing…I don’t know God’s mind about my “something” so I need to stop focusing on the event…the request…and focus instead on the One to Whom I am asking to fulfill that event.
Last night my focus became blurry, so I got out of bed and went quietly into the bedroom where I have my quiet-time desk.
The word “wait” was on my mind. I ended up in Psalm 25:4-5:
“Make me know Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait all the day.”
God’s ways and His paths in this verse actually refer to God’s providence and to how God operates…how He deals with His people. God doesn’t just want us to know His commands and requirements, but He wants us to know HIM.
Dale Davis points out in his book In the Presence of My Enemies that God wants us to know more than His demands of us. God wants us to know how He deals with us.
And how does God deal with us, His children? He leads us in His truth, which is better translated “in your faithfulness.”
“So he seems to be praying that Yahweh will teach him how He is working in his case (v. 4) and to let him experience His faithfulness (v.5) as he goes on.” (Davis)
Another nugget? The Hebrew word for “wait” carries with it the idea of being entwined. As I thought about this, I imagined myself knowing and trusting God so much that I, in a sense, am entwined with Him. I am so wrapped up in God’s kind character and in His love that I rest in Him, not in my desires being fulfilled.
The end of that passage says, “…for You I wait all the day.”
Yes, our petitions are important. Yes, God wants us to ask things of Him.
But he also so often wants us to wait…patiently…while He works and while He shows us in that working His faithfulness and His love.
God wants us to get to know Him better and in that knowing, to trust Him more.
May I not base my happiness on things to be as I want them to be.
May I not wait for the event to occur before I am satisfied.
May I instead wait on God..focus on God…and in that waiting, learn to trust Him and enjoy HIM more than the thing for which I am praying.
Last summer, Aaron had a dentist appointment…and in his usual fashion, he plotted and planned where we could hopefully eat afterwards.
“Mom?” he asked. “Tomorrow after my dentist appointment, can we eat at Jimmy’s Eggs?”
Yes, he calls Jimmy’s Egg – Jimmy’s Eggs. I mean, who just eats one egg, right?!
The next day found us sitting at Jimmy’s Eggs enjoying a delicious lunch/breakfast. And yes, Aaron did happily eat every bite of all this food!
There was, though, another big reason why Aaron loved Jimmy’s Eggs. Well, it was actually a very little reason that was quite big to Aaron.
Can you see it?
Aaron wasn’t alarmed at all by having an ant join us for lunch. In fact, Aaron put a little piece of carrot from his salad on the table so the ant wouldn’t feel left out about not being allowed to order lunch. Next, he added a piece of bacon.
The server was embarrassed by the ant, but I told her not to worry. Aaron loved having the ant company, and it made me happy to watch him trying to care for the little guy.
We haven’t been back to Jimmy’s Egg(s) since then. It just hasn’t been on our dining list, but not because of the ant.
One day not long ago, when the closure of restaurants during this virus was hitting home with Aaron, he thought about Jimmy’s Egg(s).
“Mom?” he asked, “remember Jimmy’s Eggs and how we used to eat there before the virus?”
He said it so wistfully that it made me sad. Like now he measures time as Before Virus (BV) and After Virus (AV).
All of us, though, are having similar thoughts.
Remember when I had a job…was planning that trip I had to cancel…was going to march in graduation…could be with my mother in her nursing home or hospital…was having a huge Easter celebration…could go to church…didn’t fear for my family’s life?
I certainly don’t understand everything that’s going on around us and why certain decisions are being made, but here we are.
What I CAN do is pray, a lot, for God’s wisdom and protection for all involved in this mess. That’s basically the whole world, and for our nation in particular.
When I zoom down to my own life, or the lives of so many that I love, I do find myself at times remembering when…and if I’m not careful, fear and sadness can rule my thoughts.
That’s why yesterday morning, when I read these verses, I was so tremendously encouraged.
“But as for me, I trust in You, Oh Lord. I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in Your hand.” (Psalm 31:14-15a)
The word “times” here doesn’t just mean that my lifespan is in God’s hands. David also meant “…all the kaleidoscope of circumstances that meet him left and right. Calvin rightly draws attention to the plural form – ‘times’, and says that David uses it to ‘mark the variety of casualties by which the life of man is usually harassed.’ (Dale Ralph Davis, In the Presence of My Enemies)
Beside verses in my Bible, I often write a date and sometimes a note to remind me of when and how God especially spoke to me through that verse. I call them my memorial stones.
Beside those two verses above, I had written “Nov., 1994.” I was going through a stressful time concerning a possible health issue and the death of my Grandma. We lived in Leavenworth, Gary was deployed for training in the military, I had three little ones, Aaron’s special needs were getting more difficult, and I was far from home and family. But God reached down in that chaos and stress, and He told me very sweetly and clearly that those times…MY times…were in His loving hand.
Now here I was yesterday, with COVID-19 and all its issues swirling around us and those we love, and I was remembering when…
Remembering when God spoke to me all those years ago in another stress.
Remembering when God filled me with peace.
Remembering when God proved His promise to be my God, then, and is doing the same now.
“How often the truth of this text has proven a bastion and bulwark for God’s servants. Ulrich Zwingli, a reformer in Zurich, was visiting his people, trying to console sick and dying. The plague had some to Zurich in August 1519. By autumn Zwingli himself had succumbed to the disease. Confined to bed and staring death in the face, Zwingli prayed: ‘Do as you will, for I lack nothing. I am your vessel to be restored or destroyed.’ Different words, to be sure, but actually just a paraphrase of ‘My times are in your hand.’ One can rest there even in the plague.” (Dale Ralph Davis)
We can rest in God’s hands and in His times for us individually…for our families…for our friends…for our nation…for our world.
Now, beside these verses, I have added a new memorial note: “ COVID-19, April, 2020.”
May God’s promises and His faithfulness be what I remember when I’m “remembering when!”
Aaron and I were coming out of the grocery store recently. Suddenly he veered sharply to his left, leaned over, and proudly held up his prize find. A penny! He was so happy to have snatched this treasure! He proudly held it up for me to see before stashing it safely in his pant’s pocket.
This is so routine with Aaron. Everywhere we go, he spies items on the ground that most people don’t even see. Or if seen, most of us wouldn’t think they are worth our time or attention. But not Aaron!
We’ve had to teach him over the years that some things he sees are not treasures and are not even safe. Things like cigarette butts…yuck! Or random hair bands, bobby pins, or combs.
Last week, he and I walked out onto our driveway after a rain. Before I knew it, there he was, leaning over to look at what had caught his eye this time.
“MOM!! LOOK!!” he exclaimed. “It’s a worm!!”
A worm. Aaron just had to look closer at this worm and touch it. Again, to me it was just another worm, if I even did see it. But not to Aaron. To Aaron, this worm was a find worth investigating…worth stopping for…worth his notice.
This is such a strange and difficult time we are in right now. There is so much to absorb…to hear…to try to understand about this virus and about its dangers. We are besieged with so many changes and challenges.
What do we see when we look around us?
Certainly, most of us can say yes, to one degree or another, to all the above.
But there’s something else we really must keep sight of. David said it perfectly in Psalm 26:3: “For Your lovingkindness is before my eyes…”
When my eyes dart here and there in such unusual times as we have right now, may I see…above all else…the lovingkindness of God.
Another version says: “Indeed, Your covenant love stands right before my eyes…”
God’s love for us is right before our eyes, every day and every moment of this scary and trying time.
Sometimes I just don’t see it, though. I don’t see God’s love because I’m too focused on looking way ahead at what is yet to come, usually with trepidation instead of trust.
This verse continues this way: “Indeed, Your covenant love stands right before my eyes…and I have walked along in Your faithfulness.”
It’s not MY faithfulness that is being talked about here. It’s GOD’S faithfulness to me that matters!
We say God is love. We know God is love. But sometimes when life is overwhelming, we don’t see His love through eyes of faith.
We don’t understand why we’re being besieged by COVID-19. Why is God allowing this to happen?
We can’t say for sure, but what we do know for sure is that God loves all of us, and He wants each of us to know Him and to walk along in His faithfulness.
Sometimes I just need to stop, like Aaron so often does, and bend over before God as I look at His love.
When I observe His love and think of His deep love, I know peace that passes understanding.
Peace even in the middle of panic all around.
Then I can stand up again, sure of God’s love right before my eyes, and take off walking again.
Walking in God’s promised faithfulness through the uncertainty.
God’s love for each of us is worth our time and worth our notice. God makes THE biggest and best difference to me when I’m stressed.
It’s great to stop at some point each day right now, and just ponder the treasure I see right before me.
Thank you, God, that Your covenant love stands right before my eyes!
I set out on Monday morning for the last day of the Bible study that I have been taking this winter. It was a very foggy morning. As I turned down 151st street, near my home, this is what I saw ahead.
Later, as I sat with several other precious women around a table in a beautiful conference room, we shared with each other what we feel that God is laying on our hearts as our divine burden. It was a sweet time as we bared our hearts to each other, many times with tears, of what God has impressed upon us to be or to do. A common element among us was the fact that we have a burden…..perhaps a calling…..but we don’t know where it will lead.
“I don’t know what God will do with this.”
“I don’t know how God will use this.”
“I don’t know where to begin.”
Make no mistake about it, when God calls a person to a task, He will lead the way. But He doesn’t often, if at all, open every door all at once. Our job is to obey, step by step and day by day. Just obey.
To obey when the way ahead is murky and uncertain.
Like Abraham…..called from Ur of the Chaldeas, of all places. Called because he was faithful to God. Not called because He was so amazing or gifted, but called because he was a man of faithful obedience to God. “You found his heart faithful before you,” Nehemiah said of Abraham.
So there we have our first directive. Be faithful in obedience to God.
That’s a big step in the right direction.
Finding God’s will for your life isn’t some huge, mysterious undertaking. It’s not getting up every day hoping that you do something that will somehow reveal God’s will for you.
“Finding” God’s will is simply doing God’s will for you, which means faithful obedience to the directives given to us in His Word, day by day.
So that’s what Abraham did, too. He set out to follow God from Ur to…..he had no idea where. He just knew that God said, “Come.” And so he did. He went with God, not knowing where.
Humanly speaking, that’s pretty scary stuff. We want to know where we’re going…..how we’re getting there….how long it will take…..will I be taken care of……what happens after I get there.
We set out on the path of obedience and we watch God open doors….shut doors….redirect…..
And sometimes it’s painful. Sometimes it’s pure joy and peace. Sometimes it’s fearful and full of questions. But in the end we can be just like Abraham, who by the way wasn’t perfect and had tons of failures along this journey that God led him. Nehemiah also said, speaking of God calling Abraham, “And You have fulfilled Your promise, for You are righteous.”
God didn’t fulfill His promise to Abraham because of anything worthy that Abraham had done. God fulfilled His promise because HE is faithful to do what He has promised.
Often, God’s calling in our lives is to endure very hard trials. It’s not to be something or do something that will command great respect and attention. Instead, God may want me to endure suffering that will point me and hopefully others to Christ.
Whatever God wants me to do doesn’t depend on me at all, except for my obedience. I don’t need to feel worthy enough or important enough or smart enough or capable enough. God will be all those things for me.
As I head into the fog of the unknown, in obedience, I will begin to see some things clearly. One step at a time the way will be made known. And one day my view will be the same as my view on that road near my home later that afternoon.
“But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, that shines brighter and brighter until the full day.” (Proverbs 4:18)
This story is written by a dear friend from college, who gave me permission to share. Her husband was a pilot, air traffic controller, and professor – among many other things – for years before a devastating stroke changed his life…THEIR lives…completely.
The professor began learning to play the trumpet on a borrowed instrument when he was in the 4th grade. His parents gave him a brand new trumpet, one that would be his very own, as a grade school graduation gift. He played his way through middle school and high school, as well as some in college. He must have studied some too though as he did manage to graduate. 😊
After college the trumpet rested on a closet shelf, only coming out occasionally. Like the time the professor called the cows home with it. And of course, it had to come out to play for that reunion with Old Green. But it pretty much spent the last oh-however-many-years it has been tucked away.
Due to a number of factors, the professor has not been able to play it since his stroke. We considered giving it away before making this latest move, but the professor wasn’t ready to part with it yet. So, the traveling trumpet’s case was plastered with another sticker of places it has been. Figuratively speaking.
It took up residence in the back of the guest room closet, coming out last winter so a snowbird could use it to play in the Winter Orchestra. When the snowbird went home the trumpet went back to the closet.
The Village has a cable channel for announcements, reminders, etc. Village residents are able to advertise things for sale on the channel, as well as things they might be ISO. We do not look at the channel as frequently as we should, sometimes even forgetting about it for weeks. Shame on us.
But “for some reason” we decided to look at it prior to going to church on Sunday evening. On one of the slides we saw that a friend who had arrived at the Village about the same time we did was looking for a used trumpet! We about jumped out of our seats! Looking at each other, we both knew this was why the trumpet was still hanging around.
On Monday afternoon the professor put the trumpet in his bike basket and happily pedaled over to deliver the horn.
Later that day the new owner came over to thank us again and shared the rest of the story . . .
That ad had been on the Village channel for some time and he had decided to remove it if he didn’t get a response soon. In the meantime, he had been looking at trumpets online. He had given his trumpet to his grandson before moving down here. It was going to cost him about $350 to get one to replace it. He realized Sunday morning that he really hadn’t prayed much about it. So, on Sunday morning he prayed, “Lord, if You want me to spend the $350 to get another trumpet, that’s okay, but if You want me to get one another way will You please show me?”
It was that day, after weeks of not looking at the Village channel, we “happened” to turn it on and see his ad. The professor was so happy and excited to be able to give the trumpet to his friend.
And would you believe the professor’s trumpet is exactly like the trumpet our friend used to have? It even has the same mouthpiece.
God, You are so amazing.
I love how God showed Himself to my friends, and to their friend, in this very personal way. This is just a tiny snippet of their lives that our friends have shared over many years via her emailed stories, all full of God’s faithfulness and blessings, even in the very hard times. Thank you for letting me share this, my friend!