Category: Communication

Automatic Uncle Aaron

I’m sitting here staring at this blank screen, wondering how I can convey Aaron’s adjustment or lack thereof to being Uncle Aaron.  I think the best way to do so is to share with you a statement he made not long ago.  Here is Uncle Aaron in true Aaron form, talking about his role as an uncle.

“Well, Andrea made me the uncle without asking.  Why did she automatically make me the uncle?!”

Shame on Andrea, right?  

Oh, Aaron.

I made a feeble attempt to explain this dynamic of becoming an uncle, but Uncle Aaron was already on to another topic, and I knew when it was time to just hush.

As I have said many times in the past and am sure I will continue to say many times in the future, Aaron’s main concern in life is Aaron.  His schedule, his routine, his comfort, his attention…these are a few of the things that matter most to him.  When the title “Uncle” is added to his name, that means there is another person in his world that made him an uncle…and that little person sometimes takes Aaron’s schedule, routine, comfort, and attention, and stands all of it on its head.  

Aaron’s world is jumbled during those times.  He is not the center of attention, the master of his world, the keeper of his schedule…and this disruption is HUGE to him.

You should hear him at the dinner table when Andrea, Kyle, and Ryker are at our house.  He literally will not quit talking, and when he is interrupted by us giving Ryker attention, he is perturbed.  Or when Aaron takes a bite and we can use those two seconds when he is not talking to jump in and quickly start another vein of conversation, Aaron huffs and puffs and chews extra fast so he can quickly start talking again.  

He cannot figure out why on earth we would interrupt his monologue about the core of the earth, the solar eclipse, the ancient cave bones that were unearthed, what causes earthquakes…and by the way, why didn’t the moon melt during the recent eclipse??

BUT…Aaron, despite all these interruptions into his ordered life, is surprising us with his efforts to assimilate Ryker into his life and to try to understand his new little nephew.

Ryker just stares at Aaron, waiting for eye contact and for a response.  He doesn’t get that from Aaron yet, of course.  Aaron has yet to talk to Ryker.  That concept is just too hard for Aaron.  So, Ryker observes his Uncle Aaron with great curiosity, even at only 15 months of age. 

What Aaron does love to do is to give Ryker things.  Here he is sharing his pecans with Ryker.

He was super excited for our sweet little neighbor to share her chalk with Ryker.

And for the first time in years, Aaron wanted to have an Easter basket and an egg hunt like Ryker.  A little jealousy there, I’m sure, but it was fun and had some sweet moments.

The good times and the progress we see is very encouraging to us.

They truly are more frequent than the other side that crops up when Aaron is feeling usurped and not loved as much as Ryker.

After all, Aaron may have automatically been made an uncle but knowing how to really BE an uncle is not automatic for Uncle Aaron at all!

We have certainly learned that fact over this past year.

And we have also learned to be thankful for every single bright spot that we see along this growing Uncle Aaron journey.

Act Happy, Mom!

Over the years of blogging about our life with Aaron, I have sought to inform and educate others about the complexities of autism.  There are so many parts and pieces to autism…so many ways that Aaron’s life, and therefore ours, is affected by how autism makes him function.

Oh, if you only knew how many times I have thought or even asked this question of Aaron:   “Can’t you just…….?”  

Fill in the blank.

I have even had that question asked of me concerning Aaron.

“Can’t you do something with Aaron?!”

Or this one:  “Have you thought about….?”

Or:  “Have you tried….?”

Now, I do not mind helpful advice or constructive criticism.  However, one must be careful to truly understand a condition before offering advice on handling that condition.

Even Gary and I, with our years of experience, can at times find ourselves floundering amid Aaron’s stubbornness about certain situations.  

Aaron is very wrapped up in his own comfort and routine, sometimes to the detriment of everyone around him.  Anger on his part can set in quickly when his perceived needs are not being met in the way that he wants them to be met.  

It’s narcissism at its finest…or not…but is born out of Aaron’s deep-seated requirements of life, not out of pure selfishness.  Some incidents seem incredibly selfish, though, and there are times to handle that situation.

Such was the case one evening not long ago.  I was preparing a meal for supper when Aaron came into the kitchen and asked what we were having.  The meal wasn’t one of his known favorites.  And he let it be known right away that he was having none of it.

I did not budge when he asked if he could have something else to eat.  I reminded him that I do not run a restaurant and that he could eat what we were eating.  I told him I knew he would like it if he just gave it a try.

He was most unhappy!  

After several trips into the kitchen, where he angrily informed me that he hated that food and would NOT eat it, I knew that nothing I said was going to turn him around.  In fact, any words from my mouth just added fuel to the flame.

This is when I have learned to shut down and no longer respond to anything Aaron says.  I do not talk to him or respond to him.

And he detests that.  It makes him very uncomfortable when Mom doesn’t talk to him, but the silence is the best way I have found to defuse him and to show him that I am done with this scene.

As supper was nearly ready, he began to follow me around, talking a lot and hoping for a response from me.  Finally, he asked a question that needed an answer, so I responded in a very flat voice.  Aaron knows that this voice of Mom’s is still an indication that he has crossed the line. 

“Mom!” he urgently said, “you should answer like you’re happy that I’m telling you!!”

I had to smile at that one and was glad that my back was to him.

But you see, Aaron is clueless about how his treatment of us affects us.  It’s good for him to see the effect in a tangible way, as in my silence and lack of enthusiasm.

He did eat a little dinner with us, and we were able to talk to him some about his attitude.

Then later, Gary and I slipped out to the porch for a little time together.  We both needed a breather.

But we weren’t stealthy enough, for Aaron heard us and soon darted out the door and made himself right at home with us.  There he sat, seemingly oblivious to what had happened earlier, all primed and ready for a long talk with his captive audience.

Of course, he didn’t talk about his earlier behaviors.  He didn’t talk about his feelings, and he most definitely did NOT talk about our feelings.

Aaron wanted to fill our ears with his latest discoveries from reading his book on UFOs.  He wanted to talk and talk and talk about Area 51, asking tons of questions and waiting for our answers.  

Ah, Aaron…slipping into his comfort zone and unaware of the fact that this is not our comfort zone at all.  

Such is the give and take of living with autism.  My silence had pushed Aaron out of his comfortable place.  Now his talk of aliens and UFOs and Area 51 showed us that Aaron was ready to get back to normal…his normal, that is.

And yet his normal has in a strange way become our normal, too.  We know that Aaron is happy again when his conversation turns in these strange ways.

I guess Gary and I have become a little strange ourselves sometimes.  

And strangely enough, we didn’t have to act happy.  

We truly were just as happy as little aliens in a UFO!

Oddballs

I want to start this blog by sharing with you a picture I took recently. 

OK.  You might be wondering what on earth these little balls are and why they are worthy of a picture.

Let me begin to explain by showing you another picture.

Many of you might recognize that this second picture is a bowl of Good and Plenty candies.  Aaron loves Good and Plentys.  He always pours his treats into a bowl and eats them one by one, usually while he sits in his favorite chair as we watch a show at night.

One recent morning I walked through the family room and saw little balls on the shelf of the end table beside Aaron’s chair.  I knew right away what they were.  Those little balls in that first picture are Good and Plenty candies.

BUT those little round candies are not oblong shaped as good Good and Plenty candy should be.  Therefore, to Aaron, they are unacceptable. 

They are oddballs.

And oddball candy is not to be eaten, at least not by Aaron.

Same candy…different shape…not allowed.

I absolutely love seeing such tangible pictures of the fascinating way that Aaron’s mind works.  This is classic evidence of the structured world that Aaron desires. 

Classic autistic behavior.

Look how he even set the pink candy in its own place, not in the row with the white ones.  Again, order is important.

Aaron can usually control the structure in his world when it involves food, silverware, blankets on his bed, when to turn the television off at precisely the correct moment, watching the credits at the end of a show, and on and on.

Unfortunately, Aaron’s desire that his world be carefully monitored for his own personal satisfaction runs into a problem.  The problem is that living breathing people with feelings don’t always fit into Aaron’s normal.

In other words, people can be like those defective candies. 

Oddballs.

But Aaron cannot set human beings aside into neat little rows when they don’t fit into his definition of acceptable.

He also cannot always keep his thoughts and frustrations about oddballs to himself.

Like the day years ago that he and I were eating lunch with someone Aaron didn’t remember, but she knew Aaron and was so excited to see him.  So excited that she kept leaning toward him to talk very happily with her exuberant voice and with her eyes very big. 

He finally leaned toward her from across the booth, opened his eyes as wide as he could, and exclaimed, “DON’T DO THIS!!!”

Oh dear.  I was so embarrassed.  This person works with special needs, and she understood, though she was taken aback.  But I knew that Aaron was getting very uncomfortable, so it was like watching a train building up steam before a wreck.

Then there was the time that we went with Aaron to parent night at his school.  He was to introduce us to each of his teachers.  At the last classroom, while waiting in the hall, we wondered why Aaron was beyond excited for us to meet this teacher.  We soon found out why.  She had a very pronounced spiked hairstyle, which Aaron found to be extremely interesting…odd, you might say.

“MOM!!  DAD!!  This is ______.  She looks like a HEDGEHOG, doesn’t she?!”

Well, well.

Gary and I were humiliated (although Aaron had a point 😊).  We immediately corrected him, and the teacher was immediately angry with Aaron…and it was not the finest of our parenting moments.

We have our times here at home, too, when Aaron sees us for the oddballs we are to him and he lets us know it. 

When one of us is talking to Aaron about something more serious and we change the shape of our eyes: “DON’T SQUINT YOUR EYES!!”

When I was talking to him one day and made a stirring motion with my hand, which upset him.  I asked why.  “I just see things you do are weird.”

When I was singing funny and could tell he didn’t like it, so I told him I was just having some fun: “I don’t like your fun.”

When I sniff and he is afraid that I’m upset: “ARE YOU CRYING???”  He really can’t handle crying from other people, especially me.

There are many more examples that I could include, but you get the idea. 

And if you hang around Aaron long enough you have a very decent chance of becoming an oddball, too.

But don’t worry.  You will be in good company.

Aaron, after seeing a picture of Shakespeare: “Shakespeare didn’t dress perfectly.  He dressed weird!”

As for Einstein in another picture seen by Aaron: “He has WEIRD hair!”

Maybe being an oddball isn’t such a bad thing after all, right?

Aaron’s Talking Points #14

It’s been WAY too long since I shared some of Aaron’s funny sayings that I have saved from over the years. Hope you enjoy some smiles!

Aaron saw me again with my spots of make-up on today. He brightly said, “Hey, Miss Camouflage!!” I do believe that’s better, though, than when he told me that I looked like I wore clown make-up.

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Aaron (aka Mr. Talks-A-Lot) has been up for over an hour and joined me in the kitchen. He has lived up to his name as he’s sucked all the air out of the room with his non-stop talking. He’s talked about the atmosphere, movies, mushrooms, dog treats, beagles, sump pumps, washing machines, propane, frogs, and I don’t know what else because my brain is being fried. Too early for this!!!!

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Our son, Andrew, works for an NHRA Top Fuel drag racing team. Aaron, for the first time in his life, is now an avid drag racing fan. He never misses a run or a race. He’s even learning some of the lingo, and amazingly enough, some of the driver’s names.

One of the Funny Car drivers is JR Todd. Aaron was focused on the television screen during JR’s run the other day. When it was over, Aaron wasn’t sure how JR had done.

“So,” he asked, “how did Junior Todd do?” 😃😃

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Aaron, eating his last pancake: “After I eat this one, I’m stuffed.”

Nothing like planning ahead. 😄

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Geography 101 according to Aaron: “You know, Mom, there’s New York City and then there’s regular New York.”

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Aaron was playing a war game on his computer and yelled out, “Mom! East is left, right?” Uh………well……and so I tried to explain before he said with great resignation to just never mind. Time for a map study, if I dare.

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Aaron has a cold. To him this is a big deal – and he thinks it should be a big deal to us, too. He gives what seems like endless updates on the progress of his cold. Just now: “Mom, now my right nose is stopped up!!”

No word on the left nose yet – stay tuned.

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Autism 101: Literalism

I took Aaron to the doctor today. The nurse was taking his info, and so she was trying to kindly focus her questions toward Aaron.

Nurse: Aaron, can you spell your name?

Aaron: Yes.

Silence.

More silence.

Aaron, in his mind, had answered her question.

“Yes,” he thought. “I can spell my name. Silly woman.”

Then the nurse realized her mistake, as the doctor and I sat on the sidelines chuckling.

Aaron finally spelled his name when she rephrased her question.

Nurse: Will you spell your name for me, Aaron?

And he did.

Some days it’s so much fun to be on the sidelines, watching Aaron work his magic.

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Aaron, tonight at supper: Dad, can you pass the tomato ketchup?

Who on earth says, “tomato ketchup?”

Aaron does, that’s who!!

It’s what the label says, people! 🤣🤣🤣

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Aaron loves wearing his “long pants pajamas” – as he calls them and as opposed to his “short pants pajamas” – to bed at night, even in the summer. He struggles with making the change from long pants pajamas to short pants pajamas. He will also keep the same covers piled on his bed, including his weighted blanket, even while wearing his long pants pajamas in the summer.

Therefore, we often have the same conversation on many summer mornings, just as we did this morning when he first got out of bed and found me sitting on the patio.

Aaron: Mom, I wore my long pants pajamas to bed last night.

This as he stood there in his long pants pajamas, waiting for my response.

Me: Yes, Aaron, I see that you did.

Aaron: Well, now I sweated and they feel wet.

Me (trying to move further away): Aaron, you don’t need to wear your long pants pajamas when it’s summer. Now go shower.

I resumed my position when he left to take his shower.

Later, as I put the load in the washing machine that held his sweaty long pants pajamas, he watched me carefully.

Finally: Mom! Where are my sweating pajamas?!

EWWWWWW!!!!! 🥵🥵😝

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I just walked past Aaron with my hair still wet. “Mom, your hair ran into me and it’s wet!”

 Quick! Catch my hair! I need it today!

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I took Aaron to the lab this morning for routine blood work. The lab tech asked him if he had plans for today and he told her that we were going to Burger King for breakfast. Then she asked him what else he liked to eat at Burger King and he said, “I like their suppers and their lunches, too!”

Well, that about covers the entire menu, don’t you think?!

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Aaron’s had some seizures the past two nights. He woke up very hungry.

“Mom!! When I got out of bed, my stomach felt skinny!” 😃😃

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On our way home from Paradigm, Aaron and I finished listening to our Neil Diamond CD.

Me: So let’s listen to the Judds next.

Aaron: No! I want to listen to Oprah Whitney!

Holding laughter in, as I’ve said before, can’t be healthy – but I did it. I did not laugh.

I have no idea, but it sounds like we’ll be listening to a singing talk show maybe?

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Aaron likes to crack his knuckles. A couple days ago he hurt his hand, so tonight he said, “I noticed that I can’t crack my fingernails anymore! I’ve lost my talent for doing that.”

I really need to watch him more closely!

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Background:  I was jolted awake last night by sounds coming from Aaron’s room, magnified by the monitor we use to listen for seizures.  I finally got out of bed at 11:11 (Aaron appreciates time precision), went into Aaron’s room, and found him propped up in bed reading a Garfield book and chomping on a HUGE wad of bubble gum.  I was irritated as I told him to put the book up and go to bed while I held his trash can under his chin and made him spit out the gum.

Aaron walked into the kitchen this morning after taking his shower.

“Mom, I wrote in the steam on the mirror.  I wrote, Patty Repent.” 

And indeed, he did. 

🤣😂

Till next time!

The Happy Uncle Aaron

Aaron has difficulty understanding family relationships.  He understands Mom and Dad, and brother and sister.  He struggles, though, with titles outside of our immediate family.  Sometimes his given titles for family members can be hilarious.  Such was the case when his sister, Andrea, was engaged to marry Kyle.  Aaron thought that Andrea would no longer be his sister, and this thought was intolerable to him.  One day we tried, yet again, to explain that he would not lose his sister but would instead gain a brother. 

“Well, I don’t NEED a Grandbrother!!” he angrily declared.

We waited to laugh until Aaron had left the room.

Other times, Aaron’s descriptions of family relationships can be suspicious.  This happened one recent evening as Aaron was trying to tell me something about Kyle.  You know…Kyle.  Aaron’s Grandbrother.

“Kyle,” Aaron said, “who lives with Andrea.  Dad said he’s the brother-in-law.”

“He is to you,” I replied.

“So Kyle,” Aaron continued, “Andrea’s father…..”

“No!” I interjected, “he’s her husband.”

“So Kyle,” he began again, “Andrea’s father-in-law….”

Please, if Aaron is ever trying to explain our family to you, come to us for clarification before you ever repeat what you think you have learned.

But Aaron’s new position as UNCLE Aaron has taken root in Aaron’s mind.  I’m still not sure he grasps exactly why he is the uncle, which is based on the fact that he is Andrea’s brother and as such then he is automatically the uncle of their soon-to-be born baby boy.  All of this gets pretty complicated to him.

Yet he has taken on the mantle of The Uncle as if it is his new designated title…something like The Duke or The Earl. 

Aaron is The Uncle.

Here is a typical conversation that Aaron might have with people.  Literally, with anyone he encounters, even strangers. 

“My sister is having a BABY!” he exuberantly declares.  “And I’m The UNCLE!!”

He makes this declaration loudly while bending over, rapidly rubbing his hands together, and grinning as broadly as he can possibly grin.

To say it’s surprising to all these random recipients is putting it mildly.  Yet it’s also endearing and precious.  Most folks respond with a huge smile and congratulations.  Bless them.

Time for me to insert a couple pictures taken last week when I was in Texas for Andrea’s baby shower.  😊

As you can see, the time is getting closer for Baby Boy to arrive.

And it seems that Aaron is getting a little nervous about what is expected from him in his new role as The Uncle.

“I’m not sure I want to be The Uncle,” he sometimes says.

“I’m scared to be The Uncle,” he has also said.

“I don’t know what to do as The Uncle,” he adds.

We assure him that being The Uncle simply means that his job will be to play with Baby Boy.  To love him.  To read to his nephew.

Oh wait.  We haven’t used that term yet…nephew.  Let’s not push these concepts too far.

After Andrea sent us her latest sonogram pictures, I shared them with Aaron.  He especially loved seeing Baby Boy’s foot…

And his hand.

Not long after, as we talked to our neighbor, Aaron remembered what he had seen.

“Andrea sent more pictures of the baby and I saw his hand and his foot!!” he very excitedly said.

“Oh Aaron,” Amanda replied.  “That’s so wonderful!”

“YES!!” he declared as he bent over and rubbed his own hands together.  “And now I’m HAPPY to be The UNCLE.”

There was that grin, huge and so cute!

Aaron will most assuredly have his fluctuations about all this business of his new title, The Uncle, being bestowed upon him.  As long as he continues to talk to us about his feelings then all should be well.

And most assuredly, he will continue to do just that. 

A Ruined Heart

I’ve written before about the special relationship Aaron has with Carl, one of our Meals on Wheels clients.  Carl has taken a special liking to Aaron and loves to give him things.  Sometimes Carl will even give me a small gift like a flower from his yard, or a picture. 

Carl loves to see Aaron’s delight and Aaron loves BEING delighted.  Carl asked me once if he was doing too much.   I told him that he doesn’t need to give Aaron things every week.   Yet most weeks Carl does have a little something for Aaron.

Today Aaron took a bag of dog treats that he wanted to give to Lucky, Carl’s dog.  I love it when Aaron wants to do the giving, so I agreed.  When we got to Carl’s house, he invited us in so that Aaron could give Lucky her treat.  Feeble old Lucky hobbled over to Aaron and happily took the dog bone from Aaron’s hand.  Aaron handed the bag of treats to Carl, happy as he could be that Lucky liked the bone and that he could give her more.

I could tell that Carl didn’t have anything for Aaron, and that was perfectly fine.  But then Carl reached down beside his chair and picked up a shopping bag in which was a can of Maxwell House Coffee.  He asked me if we like coffee and then wanted me to take the bag.

I did not want him to give me that coffee so I thanked him but said no.  I told him that I had just bought coffee, which was true, and that he needed to keep his coffee. 

Surprisingly, Aaron was quiet during our exchange.  He and I left, but as we walked to the car Aaron spoke very quietly to me.

“You ruined his heart,” Aaron softly said.

Wow.

That almost stopped me in my tracks.

Aaron kept saying that to me over and over as we made our last two deliveries and then headed to lunch.  We talked a lot about it and I believe that Aaron understands why I did not take the coffee. 

But still, Aaron felt so bad that Carl wanted to give us something and I said no.  Aaron wasn’t concerned about the fact that he didn’t get any gift today.

No.  He was worried about Carl’s heart…about hurting Carl’s feelings.

He knows that giving a gift is a good thing for the giver more than the one doing the getting.

I’m pretty blown away by that perception on Aaron’s part.

Blown away by the very insightful way that Aaron verbalized his thoughts.

Aaron loves to give things away, but I never realized that he has empathy and understanding toward others who are doing the giving.

He knows that the joy he feels when giving is also felt by others who are giving to him.

I can also see that the kindness of Carl…and of others like him in Aaron’s life…is causing kindness to blossom in Aaron.

Sometimes Aaron can be the very opposite of kind, quite honestly.  We talked some about how his words can ruin hearts.  But whatever is going on with Aaron and with his words and behaviors, I hope that I will pause and remember Aaron’s words.

You ruined his heart.

May that never be what I do to anyone, and especially not to this special son that God has given to us. 

A Donut With a Side of Autism

Yesterday our friend, Karlea, tagged me in a FB post from our nearby donut shop.  Paradise Donuts was reminding all their customers that it was National Donut Day, and that they were giving everyone a FREE donut.  Karlea just knew that Aaron would love stopping in for a donut.  Soon I was explaining National Donut Day to Aaron, asking him if he wanted to stop on our way to his day group for a donut.  YAY!!

NOT yay.

I must backtrack a bit to explain.  Nearly every day at Paradigm (Aaron’s day group), Antoine or another staff will take Aaron to the nearby QuikTrip.  I send money with Aaron, and he is able to buy something to eat and drink.  He absolutely loves this small outing.  His QuikTrip visit is ingrained into his routine now.

Back to yesterday.

Me:  Aaron, today is National Donut Day.  Paradise Donuts is giving away a free donut to everyone that comes in.  Would you like to stop there on our way to Paradigm?  We can get a free donut!

Aaron:  No.

Me:  What?  You don’t want a donut?  A FREE donut?!

Aaron (a little more emphatically):  No!

Me:  Why don’t you want a donut?

Aaron:  I want to go to QuikTrip.

Me:  I’m still sending money and you can still go to QuikTrip.

Aaron:  I like Antoine taking me to QuikTrip for food.

Me:  Antoine will still take you to QuikTrip for food. 

Aaron:  I like QuikTrip food, NOT a donut!

Me:  But you like donuts.  Just a few days ago you were happy that we stopped to get donuts.

Aaron:  I like Antoine taking me to QuikTrip more than you taking me for a donut!

These conversations usually lead to personal insults as Aaron attempts to drive home the fact that on Paradigm days…almost always…QuikTrip is what he does and where he goes for food and fun. 

Nothing will deter him from his routine. 

Not even a donut.

Not with Mom.

I dropped it like a hot donut and took Aaron to Paradigm.

Later, when I picked Aaron up, he told me about his day.

Aaron:  Mom, they had donuts at Paradigm for donut day.

Me:  Oh, that’s fun!  Did you eat one?

Aaron:  No.

Me:  You didn’t eat a donut?!

Aaron:  No.

Me:  Why not?!

Aaron:  I didn’t want one.  I wanted to go to QuikTrip.

I decided to just drop it.  Aaron didn’t see me shaking my head.

After a few moments of silence:

Aaron:  Antoine took me to QuikTrip!

Me:  Good!  What did you buy today?

Aaron:  I bought two donuts.

There are not enough letter combinations in the English alphabet for me to form enough words to voice what I was thinking and feeling and wanting to say at that moment.

Just as well.

Laughter is far better than lectures during these times.

BUT I WANT A DONUT!!!!!

What’s In Your Shoe?

Aaron has developed a special relationship with the nurse practitioner at his day group.  Megan is gentle and kind with Aaron.  She listens to his endless talking and shows interest in his latest interest…interests that are more like obsessions on Aaron’s part.

Right now, Aaron is all about space and planets and galaxies and moons and stars and the sun and YouTube videos about all of these and more.

Megan has told her son, Cody, about Aaron and shares with him some of the space “facts” that Aaron so happily shares.  Cody has written Aaron three notes, thanking Aaron for sharing what he’s learned and for telling him about the YouTube videos he should watch.  It’s really very sweet.

Aaron LOVES these personal notes.  The first note made it home with Aaron, and he happily shared it with us. 

The second note, however, was somehow lost.  Aaron thinks it must have fallen out of his pocket.  He was very sad to have lost that note.

Two days ago, after I picked Aaron up from his day group, our van started over-heating.  Gary met us and took the van to the shop while I followed in his truck.  In all the excitement, Aaron forgot to mention that he had another note from Cody.

 Aaron and I sat in the waiting room at the shop while Gary talked to the manager.  Suddenly, Aaron took off his shoe.

“Aaron,” I said, “don’t take off your shoes in here.  Wait until we get home.”

“But Mom,” he answered, “I wanted to show you this.”

He reached into his shoe and then handed me a damp folded piece of paper, which I wanted to hand back.  Yuck!  😊

“Cody wrote me another note, so I put it in my shoe because I didn’t want to lose it!” Aaron explained.

I read the note while Aaron broadly grinned.  Once again, Cody was thanking Aaron for sharing info about Saturn and the beautiful rings.  I finished reading, and then Aaron refolded the note before putting it back in his shoe for the ride home. 

Aaron talked and talked about that note as we went about our evening.  So, I finally told Aaron that he should write a note back to Cody.  He thought about this for awhile and then went to his room.  Before long, he handed me his note that he had written.  Now it was my turn to grin broadly.

Look at the first planet.  Mercenary!  😊 😊

But even funnier is the fact that his note is just full of facts.  Nothing personal at all. 

This is SO Aaron! 

When he talks to his brother or sister on the phone, this is exactly what he does.  He never ever asks them how they are doing or what is going on in their lives.  He instantly launches into his latest book or game or movie.  He loves facts and information and trivia.

It’s why he loves reading his Handy Answer Books on different subjects but has never liked stories that involve dialogue and relationships.

This element of autism is exhibited in every area of Aaron’s life.  When he and I went to pick up our van yesterday, Aaron immediately started telling the employee there all about Saturn.  I finished paying just as Aaron decided to move on to Venus, but I ushered him out the door as I told him that on our next visit he could give the Venus lecture.  I noticed the huge grin on the face of the waiting customer as we left. 

Tomorrow Aaron will take Cody’s note to Megan.  We are putting the note in an envelope.  I don’t think an envelope will fit into Aaron’s shoe.  I hope not, for Cody’s sake.

I’m sure his mom has a pair of latex gloves he can wear, though.  😊

Let’s Talk (And Talk and Talk) About Lettuce!

Aaron had an appointment with his autism doctor this past Monday morning.  Dr. Ogden, a psychiatrist, oversees the aspects of autism that are not very much fun.  This means that she wants to talk about Aaron’s feelings and behaviors.

However, Aaron does NOT want to talk about his feelings or behaviors.  Years ago, we tried counseling sessions and it was a royal failure…not because of the therapist but because Aaron wanted to control the conversation and make it all about his movies and games and things like showing her the bump on his chest. 

Aaron would rather be poked and prodded and stuck with needles than to sit on a couch with mom and Dr. Ogden while explaining why he gets angry at home or his day group…why he reacts to people and situations with hitting or verbal insults…and what the solutions may be to said behaviors.

Aaron woke up that morning angry and frustrated, which is not the best way to go see the doctor who wants to talk about his anger and frustration.  Rarely is Dr. Ogden treated to Aaron’s humor or brightness.  Rarely am I treated to such fun Aaron attributes either on Dr. Ogden days until the visit is over and done…and we go to lunch. 

Lunch is the ONLY reason Aaron endures these talking doctor visits.

Aaron went from livid to lively as we drove to BJ’s for lunch.

You might say that Aaron can surely control his moods if he does so in a situation such as this.

But with autism, things are flipped.  Aaron’s moods control him.  You and I can perhaps overcome the heavy mood that weighs us down on certain days, but Aaron’s heavy mood puts him on a track from which he cannot jump.  He is stuck until something else redirects him.

And on Monday, part of his mood changer was in the form of lettuce.

When Aaron finished his French fries and scooted his chicken tenders around, there on his plate lay a nice piece of leaf lettuce.

Aaron tenderly picked it up, as if he was slightly scared of it.

Look at his face!  😊

Then he set it on the table.

“I’ve never seen this lettuce,” he calmly remarked.

“What do you mean, you’ve never seen that lettuce?” I asked.

“Well, it’s green!” he answered.

“Green?” I questioned.

“Well,” he explained, “some is black and some is green and some is white.  You usually get white.”

Oh, the intrigue of mixing autism with being color blind!

I can totally see that he sees all those interesting colors of lettuce.  Once again, Aaron caused me to pause and consider concepts that I would ordinarily never think about.

Aaron then held up the lettuce as if he was displaying a prized conquest.

Then he stared at it as he placed it on his plate again, studying it in such a serious way that I had a very hard time not laughing out loud.

“I didn’t order lettuce with my chicken strips,” he observed.

I explained that the green lettuce was there more for decoration than anything, which he thought was rather odd.

“What flavor is the green?” he wondered.

 I had to laugh at that one.

“Ummm, lettuce just tastes like lettuce, Aaron,” I tried to explain.  “Why don’t you eat it?”

So, Aaron very bravely took a small bite.

Which led to more bites as he looked postitively scared.

And finally, the lettuce was gone. 

Aaron survived!

I thought we had exhausted everything lettuce related there at BJ’s.

But the next night, Aaron’s sharp eyes spotted lettuce in a commercial.  Of all the food items on the screen, Aaron saw a piece of LETTUCE!!

“MOM!!” he yelled.  “There’s the lettuce I had in BJ’s!!  The brown one!!”

BROWN!!??

Now we’re on to BROWN!?

NOOOOOO!!!

I’m making an appointment with Dr. Odgen…for ME!!!

The Autism Two-Step

Gary and I are planning a trip to Houston next month.  We’ll stay with our daughter and son-in-law (Kyle and Andrea), and then get to see our other son (Andrew) who will be there for an NHRA race. 

Happy, happy fun times are ahead!  YAY, YAY!!

Wait.  I forgot to mention that we plan to take Aaron. 

Angry, angry times are ahead!  YUCK, YUCK!

That was Aaron speaking.

As many of you know, getting Aaron to travel happily is a stretch.  We want to include him for the obvious reasons, especially the fact that he IS family and should be a part of family times. 

We’ve been making the hard sell and thought we were well on our way to traveling success.  But yesterday morning…

Aaron stood behind me early as I sat at my quiet time desk. 

“I am NOT going to Andrea’s!!” he angrily spoke.

First words out of his mouth did not bode well.

None of my soft words softened him at all. 

I ended up on our patio, coffee in hand, where Aaron soon found me and exposited further on the reasons that he will NOT make this fun, fun trip.

I escaped in the house for a few minutes.  When I looked out at the patio, Aaron was gone.  I didn’t see him anywhere.  Where could he have gone?!

Soon I saw him, across the yard sitting all dejected on our bench.  Sorry for the grainy picture.

He soon moved to the front porch, sadness all over his posture and face. 

When he rejoined me on the patio, he was crying.  When Aaron cries, he is truly and deeply upset. 

“I don’t want to leave this house!” he exclaimed, as if we were forcing him out forever instead of just taking a trip.

But to Aaron, home and the familiarity it brings is of upmost importance to him.  It’s a huge stretch to ask him to go someplace else and just “be happy.”

Aaron reacts to all the stimulation outside of himself in a far greater way than you and I do.  A long trip, another house, an unfamiliar bed, more people around, a different bathroom…just everything about traveling is huge and very uncomfortable to him. 

And if Aaron is uncomfortable, then everyone within range of his voice will be most uncomfortable, too.

It’s so easy to say he should just go and have a good time.

SO, SO hard for Aaron to do that very thing, starting with the “just go.”

Later in the morning, like a light went on, Aaron calmed down and became happy.  It wasn’t because finally, he came to his senses!

It was because he remembered the Indonesian submarine that sank.  Really.  Not that the sinking and all the death makes him happy, but all the facts of that incident have filled his fact-loving cup to the brim.

He talked about the submarine incessantly on Sunday.  He talked about it until the moment he turned his light off that night and went to sleep.  So yesterday morning, when he paused from his travel grief long enough to think of something else, his mind went back to the submarine that had so consumed him yesterday.

Ahhhhh, a subject that pleased him, odd as that sounds! 

Autistic persons are often brought back to their comfort zones by slipping into whatever groove is safe to them and meets their unusual interests.  As strange as it seems to us, Aaron was able to lay aside his angst about our upcoming trip by finding that groove, which on this day was the sunken submarine…

And then Trandoshians…clones…launch codes…Republic Assault Ship…Wookies…

It’s just the most fascinating and often frustrating thing!

Yet Gary and I must lay aside our desire to lecture as we slip with Aaron into his groove, talk about the very unique subjects that permeate his mind, and be ready for the next onslaught of travel anger.

It’s a delicate dance that we know all too well, accompanied by the music of Aaron’s world.  The band isn’t always in tune, at least not to us, but Gary and I had best just dance along and let Aaron lead.

It’s the Texas Two-Step!  Except for us it’s two steps forward…on a good day…and at least one step back.  Often more.

Last night, as Aaron still processed all things travel related, his face lit up.

“MOM!!  Can Kyle tell me all about the submarine?  Because if he can then I’ll go to Houston!”

So Kyle, who has a degree in maritime studies but has never worked on a submarine, has been given an assignment for which to prep before we come.  And his dad, Kent…who served in the Navy on a sub…will no doubt be invaluable.  Andrea said we should just have Kent waiting in the driveway when we pull in.  😊  😊

It’s good that we can all laugh. 

All of us except Aaron, who takes every bit of this very seriously. 

Time for me to get our day going.  Gary and I are taking Aaron to the zoo, which is close and does not require travel but also does not…to my knowledge…have a submarine.  Too bad!

Looks like it will be a beautiful day for a dance.