Dad is with Richard in heaven now. I sometimes try to imagine it, the two of them together up there. Both have new bodies and are totally equal physically and mentally. Did they hug when they saw each other? Are they ever beside each other as they sing and as they worship? Richard doesn’t smell anymore and Dad doesn’t have to explain him to anybody, or be embarrassed. I wonder if Richard still talks fast, and does Dad still smile patiently at him? I doubt it, but it’s fun to think about.
Aaron does not have a political bone in his body. He doesn’t understand politics nor does he care to understand politics. He’s probably better off that way. Of course, since there is so much on the news now about the presidential campaign, he can’t help but notice. And if Aaron notices something, he will talk about it………which all of you who read this blog know very well. Aaron talks and I blog. It’s never-ending!
Last night Aaron was in the family room during part of the GOP convention. It was time for good old back tickling with the back scratcher. Ann Romney had just begun her speech when we sat down. Aaron wanted to talk, as usual, but I told him that I wanted to listen to this speech. Aaron tried to be quiet, which is very hard for him to do. As Mrs. Romney spoke, Aaron began making comments. I have learned that when someone is giving a speech or is performing in some way, such as singing………..and if these people are animated with their voices or their facial expressions…………then it drives Aaron nuts. He seems to want people to be calm……flat……inexpressive……..unemotional……….boring.
A political rally is not calm……flat……inexpressive…….unemotional…….boring. Therefore, Aaron was becoming agitated. He began muttering softly at first, but as Mrs. Romney’s speech progressed, so did Aaron’s comments.
“She’s dumb!” Aaron, she is not dumb. Ann Romney is very smart.
“She’s stupid!” Aaron, she is not stupid. Don’t say those things.
“She’s crazy!” Aaron, you do not call anyone crazy.
“Tell her to shut up!” OK, Aaron! That’s enough!
I tried to get him to express to me just what his frustrations were, but he had a hard time with that – as always. And then Chris Christie came on. If Aaron thought that Ann Romney was crazy, he definitely believed that Christie was even crazier. Oh boy………..here we go!
The comments started and so I stopped Aaron in his tracks. He just listened for a short time, trying to figure all this speech stuff out. Then he said, “It seems like they make up stories to make themselves BE one!”
How interesting! I asked, “They want to make themselves be what, Aaron?”
He answered, “They want to make themselves look cool!”
Our very perceptive Aaron. Whatever we believe about politics, every politician is trying to sell themselves…….and Aaron gets it. And Aaron doesn’t like it – any more than we sometimes dislike this whole process of politics.
Aaron continued to watch. Christie’s name came up on the screen………….Chris Christie (R). Aaron looked at his name and saw the (R) – then asked, “What’s the (R) for?” I told him that it stood for Republican.
Aaron’s response………..”Oh, I thought he was rated R!”
HaHaHa! Maybe this whole convention should be rated R………..at least for Aaron. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind one bit if we restricted him from having to watch any more of it at all!
All of us probably wish that certain areas of politics could be restricted! Aaron may have come up with something!
Aaron was walking through the family room the other night. We had a football game on the television, but at this time there was yet another annoying local car commercial playing. Aaron doesn’t like yelling………which is quite a mystery, since he doesn’t seem to mind his own yelling.
Aaron paused, turned toward the TV, and after a few seconds he said (with disgust), “That car salesman is a yell mouth!!”
And once again, Aaron has nailed it.
I took Aaron to the lab this morning for his routine blood work that he needed to have done before his Epilepsy check-up in a couple weeks. Aaron knows the routine well………..and so do I. As I check him in at the front desk, I am amazed as always that the receptionist doesn’t know how to pronounce any of his meds. Seriously……….can she not even sound it out? Oh well – I have other things on my mind as I gently oversee Aaron and his curiosity as we stand there waiting for her to figure out her pronunciations. He loves the green Indian mask kleenex holder…….the one where the kleenex is coming out of the mask’s nose. This is right up Aaron’s alley, believe me! But he also has to pick up the little rubber bear and the hand sanitizer and a pen that is laying there………as I watch to be sure he doesn’t slip the coveted pen into his pocket. I know his tricks!
The waiting room was empty, which is always a blessing………..so we were able to head straight back and let Aaron sit in the chair. He stuck his arm out………the arm with his watch pushed halfway up to his elbow. And I wonder what the tech thought of that watch………..and what she thought of the funny mouth noises Aaron makes………..and I realized that we are also blessed by the fact that Aaron has never been bothered by needles and tests. He watches her carefully as she prepares the vials and then steps away to do something…….and I watch Aaron carefully as his eyes roam over the very interesting table right beside him, full of all the vials and the tourniquets and so many other interesting things……things that he will pick up to examine if I don’t keep an eagle eye on his every move. She returns, and he watches every part of the process of having his blood drawn. He rarely even flinches when the needle enters his vein, and he keeps a curious eye on each move that she makes as his blood is removed.
Soon we were on our way, and on this particular morning I told Aaron that we would go up the road to Wal-Mart. Happy, happy Aaron! He talked the whole way about this and that, as he always does, but was especially excited to tell me about a car he had seen the day before. “Mom! I saw a car yesterday with TWO policemen beside it. It didn’t look like there was a wreck, but the car’s LID was popped up!” So we talked about why car lids sometimes pop up and why the police were there…………as we walked into Wal-Mart and Aaron waved at the outdoor cameras as he always does. Good morning, security guards! Smile!
This was a trip for junk food, I will admit. This made Aaron even happier, of course. I told him to choose a drink and of course he said, “Can I have beer?” He says this a lot, and he always laughs, and if I don’t laugh then he will repeat it until I do…….so I laugh and he chooses his flavored tea and off we go to the chip and candy aisle. He carefully mulled over the selections, knowing that Mom has limits, and after choosing some Twizzlers he suddenly turned and said, “Mom, can I buy Dad something? I love him!” I wonder if the shock showed on my face. Aaron rarely, rarely, offers up such sentiment………and without being prodded or reminded………..this was totally spontaneous from him. This was a proud moment for me and I was hoping that the other shoppers nearby heard my son as he wanted to buy his Dad something…………his dad whom he LOVED!! I have lots of moments with Aaron when we are out in public………..embarrassing moments and frustrating moments and tense moments………but not very many truly proud moments. Of course, I was hoping that these same shoppers didn’t hear Aaron asking if he could have beer or hear him talking about how he likes to make funny comments about the women’s bras. Let me have my ONE proud moment, OK?!
We went over to the beef jerky aisle as I looked for something that Gary would like in the line of meat or trail mix…….not candy for Gary. Aaron looked over the selection quickly as he was in a hurry to go to the DVD aisle and being loving to Dad was taking a little more time than he wanted. “Mom, does Dad like beef and jerky?” And Aaron was off in a trot to look at DVDs as I chose something…………straight from Aaron’s heart……..but this is something else that we understand about our Aaron.
We looked at DVDs and Aaron had to rush over to ask the sales clerk for help even as I told him not to bother her. This happens every time that we are in any store. I wonder if the sales clerks all know Aaron and dread his arrival. Oh well………I thanked her and once again told Aaron he didn’t need to bother her. We chose a cheap DVD……….Chuck Norris – hopefully full of excitement but good values. Soon we had paid and were heading out the door, where Aaron just HAD to stop at the ice machine. There was a repairman on a ladder, with his head stuck in the open door of the machine and Aaron asked him if the machine was broken. I wanted to be sarcastic and tell Aaron no, that this man was just trying to cool his head…….but Aaron doesn’t get sarcasm so I just smiled and hoped that nice man didn’t mind answering a silly question.
Soon we were home again, home again. Aaron made sure he grabbed the bag with his DVD first and then helped carry in a couple more. He ran downstairs to show Gary his new movie, and then ran back down to take him his turkey sausage rolls. Then it was up to his room, where he turned on his fans and put on his headphones and began whatever it was he wanted to do on his computer.
I will probably hide the Nutty Bars, knowing that if I don’t then they may all disappear by day’s end. I will have to delegate the Twizzlers, if I can stay ahead of Aaron on that. And I will think of the blessings of life with Aaron on this day…………not that he had to go to the lab, which is a stark reminder of his Epilepsy and of seizures…………but that he actually enjoys the lab and that he loves a simple trip to Wal-Mart and that he’s not embarrassed to be seen with his mom. And that I actually had a moment where I was not embarrassed by something Aaron said but was PROUD!!!
Little does Aaron know how many times I say to myself, “Can I do something for Aaron? I love him!”
What a difference a day makes! Aaron has been very happy today. He and I have both laughed at some of his antics, and I’ve laughed at some of the things he has said. I don’t know if it’s good night’s sleep he had; the seizure he had at 2:30 this morning that rearranged some of those neurons; looking forward to his trip to the mall today and the food fest that usually occurs; or a change in the weather that’s on the way…………but he’s been happy and lots of fun this morning.
It began when I went into his room to get him out of bed………..and his bed was empty. He hasn’t played this trick in awhile, but I know what an empty bed and closed door usually means. It means that Aaron is hiding from me, just like a kid would do. It didn’t take me long to figure out that he was hiding in his closet because the door was slightly ajar………..and Aaron never allows the door to be partly open, even a crack. So I opened the door and there he was, laying on the floor like someone in a crime scene. He was very droll about this unusual sight of a grown man crammed into a little closet, laying on the floor, but he was also very pleased with himself for his brilliant hiding place.
He successfully drank his coffee outside as he sat in the mulch doing his “mulch thing.” No spills today on his white shirt. Yay! Then on the way to meet his group, he said, “Mom, it was funny that I fell yesterday when I spilled my coffee.”
No, Aaron, it wasn’t funny. It was scary that you fell.
And he said, “Well, it was half funny then!”
There he goes with that half business again, which makes him totally funny to me………..and I laughed and he wondered what I thought was so funny as I patted his leg………….and told him that HE’S the funny one. No response, as usual, to that comment.
Talk then went to policemen and I have no idea why. “Mom, there are different kinds of policemen, right?”
Right, Aaron. “Well, which one is it that’s the country cop?”
The country cop? So as I dropped Aaron off I’m still not sure if the country cop is the state policeman or the sheriff……………because Aaron hasn’t quite figured this out yet.
And as usual, I’m trying to figure Aaron out as well as country cops. I have the whole day ahead to do this! And that’s a good thing.
Here we go again. I heard it from upstairs…….the sound of the plastic containers full of coffee hitting the floor and then the thump. My heart sank as I hurried downstairs to check on Aaron. He was fine, although sprawled on the floor with spilled coffee all around him. He jerked and dropped his coffee yet again………lukewarm coffee, thankfully. And thankfully he didn’t throw his coffee containers as he has been known to do when he’s in a rage. This was a true accident, but messy and discouraging none the less.
I was frustrated with Aaron this morning over a couple things already and this didn’t help, believe me. My compassion for him still hasn’t quite kicked in yet. He has cleaned up and showered, and seems to be fine. I hope he’s not bruised.
I just stood and looked at this mess………coffee all over the floor, the cabinets, on and under the frig. UGH! And I thought of how many times I’ve just felt like throwing in the towel. We all do, don’t we, whether we are parents or not. But we can’t quit. God doesn’t and we can’t. Especially as parents……….these children are given to us by God and He wants us to hang in there despite how tough it sometimes is.
So instead of throwing IN the towel, we throw ON a towel. We clean the messes up step by step, bit by bit. We’ll see progress one day, even if it’s slow to come…………even when we just stand there and don’t know where to start. God gives patience; and God gives us the same grace toward our children or others that He has extended to us. We clean up the messes, whatever they may be, and we push forward.
The rest of the day is before us. It’s up to me now not to mess up my reactions and my attitudes. I’ll need to grab another towel if I’m not careful!
A very unpleasant and unattractive trait of Asperger’s Syndrome is the tendency to be very egocentric. Dear old Aaron shows this side of himself every single day…………some days and some situations more than others. His inability to manage his emotions and his self-focus can be extremely frustrating at times.
Mom! I’m hungry!
Mom! I’m tired!
Mom! I’m bored!
Mom! I’m sleepy!
Mom! I’m curious!
Mom! I’m awake!
Mom! I’m cold!
Mom! I’m hot!
It can be wearying sometimes for Gary and I. We often try to bring Aaron’s attention to the needs of others and to how someone other than himself is feeling. Aaron is rarely affected by this attempt………..but when he does show concern for others, and especially for Gary or me, it certainly does touch our hearts. I’ve written about that when I talked about the hug he gave me one night when I was sick or the bandaid he brought me when I hurt myself. Those moments are all the more precious to us because we know that they come from a place deep inside Aaron that we rarely see.
Last night we did not see a very caring attitude. I had come upstairs to get ready for bed. Aaron got very excited about a video from You Tube that he wanted to show me. Even though I was tired, I agreed to watch the video, which was an old music video of Billy Joel’s song Uptown Girl. Aaron loves this song and he was as tickled as he could be to share this video with me. He giggled and clapped and kept turning to look at my reaction as we watched this video. He really was hilarious with his reaction and I was laughing along with him, but not for the same reasons that he was laughing. We even watched another video of a second song. It was a fun way to end our day.
Just as Aaron turned the video off, Gary came up the stairs………..also very tired and walking slowly because of his aching back. Of course, Aaron wanted to show Dad the Uptown Girl video and of course Gary just really wanted to go to bed. But Gary came back to Aaron’s room and stood there through the whole video, aching back and all, enjoying the moment with us and laughing as I did at Aaron’s delighted reaction. Then it was time for goodnights and sleep well and love you, Aaron…………..except not for Aaron, who wanted Dad to also watch that second video. But Gary said no, and explained that it was late, even as I was telling Aaron that Dad’s back really was hurting and that he needed to go on to bed.
Aaron didn’t care at all about our tiredness, or the lateness of the hour, and certainly not about the fact that his Dad’s back was hurting. His full focus was on that second video that he wanted Gary to watch. We went on our way to our bedroom, but I came out later to answer a question of Aaron’s and found that he was escalating upwards in his anger. According to Aaron, Dad didn’t care and Dad was mean………..even as I calmly reminded Aaron that Dad had watched the video that Aaron really wanted to show him and that Dad had laughed and that Dad had answered Aaron’s questions about the video…………yet none of this mattered to Aaron. He was focused on what Dad had NOT done instead of what he HAD done.
Then I explained to Aaron that Dad’s back was hurting and that he needed to lay down, but Aaron actually said these words, “Why should I care?” As I reminded Aaron of who had upgraded his computer recently and who had gotten him a new chair and who had done this and done that for him……….I could see Aaron softening a little but still being belligerent because his immediate desire had not been fulfilled. His selfishness was on full display, ugly as it was, but in Aaron’s unfiltered world it was out there for all to see.
This whole scene reminds me so starkly of my relationship to the Lord. How self-serving and demanding I can sometimes be with the One Who loves me so much! God gives me blessing after blessing, but how often do I focus on what I don’t have or on what I perceive as unanswered prayer? How many times do I not stop to thank Him for what He has done in so many areas of my life personally or in this world in general? Do I praise Him and acknowledge His faithfulness and His power and His love? Or do I whine and complain and stay self-focused? God has dealt with me over the years about these very issues……..about the importance of praise and worship in my prayer life………of seeking His will in my requests and not my own will………..of the attitude of gratefulness that we are reminded of so often in scripture.
Even as we try to patiently understand and continually work with Aaron on being less “it’s all about me”, so I know that God looks down in love on Patty and must sigh at my self-centeredness. When I see Him in that light, I feel like His child for sure and I am very thankful that He is a long suffering and loving Father to me.
We’ll keep working with Aaron………….and God will keep working with us.
I know I sound like a broken record……….very similar to Aaron, actually………..but I tell you, Aaron notices everything. The tiniest details of the world around him rarely escape his attention. And then he talks about what he has observed. He also never seems to tire of noticing the same things over and over again, and talking about them over and over again.
For instance, I know that when we drive by the pasture near our house, Aaron will always look for the cows. He will often ask if the cows are out and if they’re not out, then where are they? He will also ask who we think the cows belong to? The man in the white house or someone else? A couple miles on up the road we always pass another field on our way to meet Aaron’s day group. This field has big black bulls who sometimes are grazing where we can see them as we drive by. Aaron is fascinated by the bulls. One day we had an interesting conversation about the purpose of bulls. Ahem. He did NOT seem to notice how quickly I glossed over that answer! Anyway, nearly every day as we drive by that field, Aaron will wonder if the bulls are out and if they’re not out……….and they often are not in sight………..he wonders where they are, and why they aren’t out, and where do they stay. Recently we drove by the field and there they were, close to the fence, grazing happily. Aaron exclaimed, “There’s the bulls! They’re out of that farm cage thing!”
Um, Aaron, that’s a pasture…………..not a bull zoo.
On up the road we pass a dentist’s office. Aaron loves their concrete parking barriers. Why does he love those particular concrete barriers? Because they are painted in stripes! They stand out to Aaron as unique and he loves anything unique. And how many times have I heard him say, “There they are, Mom! Candy canes!!”
He notices the old car that’s always parked in some one’s driveway every day. He’s fascinated with RVs…………..”Mom are they expensive because they’re portable houses?” And yesterday he excitedly said, “Mom, guess what I saw on the way home? I saw an RV towing its OWN car! Is it OK for an RV to tow its own car?!” I try to explain these important matters to him, even as I’m distracted with supper preparations or some other chore……..and he won’t leave until he’s satisfied with my answer. Therefore, I know that I need to do my best to answer him or to explain things, or he will stay there until I do. Or until I tell him to Google it!
Yesterday he was very enthused as he told me about the fun thing that someone made at Paradigm using Chex cereal and chocolate and this and that………but he couldn’t remember what it was called. I told him it sounded like Puppy Chow and he said, “Yes! That’s it! And it was all covered with confectionate sugar!” So I showed him some confectioner’s sugar, which he thought was wonderful, and then as he pointed out the white marks all over his shorts, he said, “That confectionate sugar is spready!”
Yep, Aaron………..looks like to me you spread it all over your shorts.
But he wasn’t through with the rundown of his meal at Paradigm. “Mom, I ate some mustard potato salad. And then I had some of those potato chips………you know, those RIGID potato chips!”
Ah, yes, ridged potato chips!
“Yeah. I don’t like RIGID potato chips!”
What?! You don’t like potato chips with ridges?
“No. They look like they have speed bumps that are on the road.”
I would never, ever have thought that the ridges on potato chips look like speed bumps on the road. But Aaron does……….because Aaron notices every RIGID ridge on those ridged chips………….and he notices every speed bump………..and he notices that they are very much alike.
Ruffles Have RIGID Speed Bumps!! Buy some today! But slow down and watch your teeth!