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The M&M’s
I was sitting at my desk the other morning when in rushed Aaron.
“Here, Mom!”
And with that, he reached over to place a handful of M&M’s in a little pile on my desk. Some stuck to his hand, so he wiggled his fingers to dislodge them as I winced…which of course he didn’t notice.
“Eat them!” he commanded as he stood there waiting for me to obey.
I never know where Aaron’s hands have been. All I could see in that colorful pile was bacteria of all sorts. And I’m supposed to put those in my mouth?!
This happens routinely in our home…Aaron sharing his food treasures with us. And routinely I pray for God’s protection as I put a fake smile on my face and gingerly place the bacteria-laden morsel in my mouth.
Aaron would not take no for an answer, so in went an M&M. And Aaron laughed happily as he stood there rubbing those suspicious hands together, totally full of joy as he watched my reaction and then tromped out of the room, mission accomplished.
Thank you, Lord, for this strong immune system that you have given me.
Our day soon began with a visit to his Epileptologist, where Aaron always makes himself quite at home on the exam table and makes the doctor very nervous that he will fall off the table.
Afterwards, we joined Aaron’s case manager at Carlos O’Kelly’s for his annual Person-Centered Support Plan meeting. Aaron only loves chomping down on chips and salsa, enchiladas, and of course his “…side salad with NO croutons and TWO ranches!!” All the talk of his support plan, likes and dislikes, behaviors, goals, and plans are of exactly zero interest to Aaron.
As we left the restaurant, I asked Aaron if he needed to use the bathroom. He said no. So, we zipped into the Dollar Tree nearby for a few items…where Aaron did have a bathroom crisis…and I’ll leave it there.
Sigh.
We got home in one piece but frayed and frustrated with the situation and with each other. I wish I could tell you how to handle it all like I did, with grace and supreme patience and amazing kindness.
But I do know that lying is a sin.
Another sigh.
Later, I walked to my desk and saw that little pile of colorful M&M’s. I sat down and ate a few.
And I remembered this verse:
“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials.” (James 1:2)
Guess what that word “various” means?
Multi-colored.
In just the span of a few hours, Aaron shared himself in several varied ways…multi-colored, you could say. Some fun…some pleasant…some stressful.
I don’t mean to suggest that living with Aaron is a trial, but sometimes it is. Any parent/caregiver knows that the days can be long and full of many emotions.
I call it the highs and the lows.
That word “consider” means to make a mental judgment. So I must, at some point, corral my thoughts and mentally choose to see the trials as having purpose in my life.
And to choose joy, as this verse says and as I have written about even recently.
“Our Sovereign oversees the trial itself and oversees us IN the trial, so it strengthens and deepens our faith.” (Daniel Doriani)
I stared down at that little stack of M&M’s after the challenges of this one day. And I ate some of them…praying again.
I partake of what Aaron gives to me, in all the colors involved.
It’s up to me to choose how I respond, especially in my long-term endurance of daily life with Aaron.
Two days after our full day of ups and downs, Aaron and I stood in the home of a dear Meals on Wheels client. Aaron began digging into his shorts pocket. Soon he pulled out an M&M.
ONE lone M&M.
“Here!” he excitedly said to Edna. “I brought you this!”
And he laid the one little M&M on the table beside her chair. Just one.
She laughed with delight and thanked him profusely while he grinned from ear to ear, rubbing those hands of his together in pure joy.
Then yesterday, while Gary sat beside my desk and we talked, he looked down at the floor.
“What’s that?” he asked as he pointed to the floor.
There, beside a chair, was one little green M&M. It had probably fallen off Aaron’s sticky hand.
Evidence that Aaron had been there, leaving me with his heartfelt gift.
The evidence of Aaron’s place and impact in our lives is scattered here and there over every page all through these years.
One little piece, placed here and put there.
Multi-colored.
Designed by God.
Producing a beautiful picture of joy and grace if I but choose to see it in that light.
Ms. Edna’s Pillow
Aaron and I have a client on our Meals on Wheels route named Edna. She is such a delight every single week. And she takes great delight in Aaron, evidenced in her wide-eyed attention to every word he says.
Last week, Edna had a special gift for Aaron. She leaned down to pick up a small and very pretty pillow.
“Here, Aaron,” she said, “I have something for you.”
She held the pillow for him to see. Then she proceeded to point to each letter.
“This is an L,” she said as she showed him the first letter.
“This in the middle is an O,” she said, “and next is a V, and right here is an E.”
She stopped and smiled broadly at Aaron.
“It spells LOVE,” she finished.
She let me snap their picture, giving me permission to share it.
Now, I don’t know about you, but right away I knew that the word on this pillow was not the word LOVE but was instead the word HOME.
I’m not sure if Edna really thought the word was LOVE or not.
I suspect, though, that Edna didn’t know Aaron can read. I think she wanted him to believe that the word was LOVE because she wanted to show Aaron that she loves him, which is so precious.
I just held my breath, though, hoping that Aaron would not correct her.
I ran to the van to grab my phone and take some pictures. I came back into the house to find Aaron talking to Ms. Edna about the planet Mercury.
I figured he had not corrected her spelling error since he was more interested in having a captive…though hard of hearing…audience who would smile and nod at all the planet Mercury data and details.
I breathed a huge sigh of relief as we drove away.
“Edna is real nice who lives on ______ Street,” Aaron commented.
I smiled at his phrasing and attention to detail, being sure to include her street name.
And I smiled because he had not corrected Ms. Edna, allowing her to have her joy.
But later, as we returned to the van after another delivery, I held the pillow up.
“Hey, Aaron,” I asked, “what word do you see on this pillow?”
“Home!” he exclaimed without missing a beat. 🙂 🙂
As soon as we got HOME with the LOVE pillow, Aaron showed it to Gary. Then I asked him if he wanted me to put it in his favorite family room chair. Aaron was happy with that idea.
So, there it sits now, every day…reminding me each time I see it that really, HOME is LOVE.
And so is Ms. Edna.
I’m The Uncle!
“For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139:13-14)
Aaron and I were eating lunch out when I received this sonogram picture from our daughter, Andrea. I showed it to Aaron right away, a huge smile on my face. He stared at it for a few seconds.
“What is it?” he finally asked.
“This is your niece or nephew,” I told him.
Aaron stared at the picture again.
“It’s too small!” he said.
I just smiled, still in awe over this amazing view of the miracle taking place in Andrea’s womb. I have, like you, seen hundreds of these sonogram shots but this one took my breath away. Isn’t it just amazing that when the baby is yours, as in this is MY grandchild, then the picture takes on a whole new depth and meaning?
It’s another miracle of God, this love that He puts in our hearts for our own flesh and blood.
There in the restaurant as we crunched on chips and salsa, I pointed out to Aaron the baby’s head and torso and the beginnings of his little body.
Several days later in the grocery store, Aaron and I saw a friend. Aaron quickly launched right into what was still fresh on his mind.
“I saw the stomach picture of my sister and I didn’t know what it was!” he excitedly said.
I saw the look of confusion on our friend’s face, so I quickly explained about the stomach picture!
Aaron rarely gets family relationships correct. Not too long ago, before we knew that Andrea was pregnant, he had an observation.
“I wish Andrea was pregnant. Then we could all be Granddads.” 😊
But now Aaron knows a few things. For awhile this is what he would say to anyone who was fortunate enough to be near him or to anyone that I stopped to chat with.
“My sister is having a baby and I’m the UNCLE and we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl because it’s too little!!”
But now…NOW…we know that Andrea and Kyle are having a baby BOY!!
Aaron’s rote phrase has changed.
“My sister is having a baby and I’m the UNCLE and it’s a boy and he’s the NEPHEW!!”
Then Aaron often adds that he is scared to be The Uncle and that he’s not sure he wants a baby boy. We assure him that all he needs to do as The Uncle is to play with and love his nephew.
Time to insert the first Baby Bump picture! Andrea asked Kyle if she looked pregnant or if she looked like she had just eaten too many donuts. 😊
Aaron has obsessed about changing the baby’s diaper. The nurse at his day group actually brought a baby doll in and taught Aaron how to change a diaper. Aaron tells us all that he passed the diaper test! Now we tease him about being the main diaper changer, so maybe this is why he’s scared to be The Uncle. 😊
But really, we have all been very surprised and touched by how excited Aaron is about this new baby business. A recent example happened just a few days ago. The background is that Andrea has been very sick with this pregnancy, having a hard time finding food that will stay down. One weekend she felt like biscuits would taste good. She and Kyle bought a can and of the eight biscuits, she ate seven!
Kyle didn’t waste any time in buying more biscuits…many more biscuits! He stacked them on their counter, and we laughed and laughed when we got this picture.
As Aaron and I were picking up a few groceries the other day, he suddenly started briskly walking toward the biscuits in the cooler.
“Mom!!” he declared, “I want to buy some biscuits to send to Andrea!”
It was the sweetest thing for him to want to do that. I explained that we can’t mail biscuits but that we would buy her some on our next visit.
Aaron continually infuses our lives with his own very special way of life and his own unique view of our world.
We often stand beside him either smiling or laughing or explaining to others or doing damage control from the things he says.
But all this wonderful baby business and Aaron’s way of dealing with such a huge life change for us has, as always, offered another view into the complex and compelling world as Aaron sees it.
Baby Boy is growing!
And so are we, with Aaron coming along as always.
An Amazing Cloud!
Yesterday evening I “happened” to look out my favorite upstairs window just in time to capture this absolutely amazing cloud.
Instantly I thought about how God was shouting, “I love you!!”
“For Your lovingkindness is great to the heavens and Your truth to the clouds.” (Psalm 57:10)
I wanted to share this with all of you.
I pray that you are encouraged to remember God’s great love for you.
UNCLE Aaron!!
We got the BEST news on Sunday night. I had been talking to our daughter, Andrea, for over two hours. We were winding things down when she asked if I would go get Gary…that she and Kyle had something to show him on Facetime…and I just assumed it was something they wanted him to see about the big door installation they had worked on when we were there last month.
We were soon chatting when Andrea said they had a picture to show us, which she then texted to me and Gary. Here is the totally adorable picture she sent:
And oh my goodness, the surprise was real! I whooped and hollered, and we laughed and I cried and it was so wonderful!! Our first grandchild!!
We got our son, Andrew, on Facetime and his reaction was equally fun.
We wondered about when to tell Aaron. For the longest time he has asked Andrea when she is going to have a baby. I have told him not to ask that question because it’s personal, but none of that matters to Aaron one bit. He has continued to ask anyway, and she always handles it with humor and patience.
Soon we heard him coming loudly down the stairs. He was surprised to see everyone on the phone screen. I knew this would be the time to tell him.
“Aaron,” I said, “guess what? Andrea is going to have a baby!”
He grinned a huge grin. Then he bent over at his waist and rubbed his hands quickly together while he laughed and laughed. He was thrilled! His reaction tickled us all to pieces.
“You’re going to be Uncle Aaron!!” we told him.
He laughed again as he absorbed that news.
“Andrea!!” he exclaimed, “does that mean you’re going to be fat?”
Andrea was her gracious self while I reminded Aaron for the umpteenth time that you do NOT say a pregnant woman is fat…that she is pregnant, not fat.
Can you tell this isn’t the first time he has made that comment?
Yesterday, Aaron and I were at our neighbor’s house. Suddenly Aaron leaned in to say something to Amanda while he softly rubbed his hands together.
“My sister has a baby in her stomach,” he slowly began, as if in awe. “And the baby is too little to tell if it’s a boy or a girl.”
He spoke softly, not with the exuberance of the night before. It was as if he was sharing the most amazing fact…which it really is.
It was so precious and sweet. Amanda’s face was beaming, as was mine, and Aaron knew that he had shared something very special as he saw our reactions.
And we knew, as we saw his look of wonder and heard the same in his soft voice, that Aaron was getting it.
“Aaron,” Amanda said, “you’re going to be an uncle!”
“I’ll be an uncle!!” he repeated.
Uncle Aaron!
I like the ring of it…and I think Aaron does, too.
Another Trip to Texas
Two weeks ago today we were travelling down to Texas to see our kids. Our “kid” Aaron went with us, somewhat compliantly until the morning we left. The reality of actually leaving the house and his room and all his things was too much for him to handle gracefully.
All during the packing process I encouraged him to downsize what he took. For instance, I told him to take the one Handy Answer book he was reading…not five. He won’t read five books in the next three years. That’s because he will ONLY read at night before bed, a few pages, and nothing so far has ever changed that reality for him. He agreed to this deal, but as I was putting something in one of his bags, I uncovered two extra Handy Answer books that he had hidden from me under some clothes. I removed them, saying nothing. He put them back, saying nothing. HaHa! We finally agreed on taking one extra book, which of course was never opened.
We also let him use his money to buy a Nintendo game he had wanted. He bought it two days before we left, but the game was in our possession until he walked into Kyle and Andrea’s house in Texas. Call it bribery if you want, but we call it another of our clever survival tips for traveling with an autistic child. Survival for us even more than Aaron.
Other than dragging Aaron kicking and screaming out of the house on the morning we left…not literally, but almost…he did great on this trip. I’ll start my photo dump now.
Happy Aaron blowing his straw wrapper on me at Quik Trip.
Spending Easter morning at church with Kyle and Andrea. A huge blessing!
Then giving Aaron the basket that Andrea made for him. Sweet sister!
He helped Kyle gather sticks before their new fence was installed the next day. Kyle is great about getting Aaron involved with activities.
He fed the dogs every chance he got!
Our big outing was to NASA. He was having a slow day physically and mentally, but he loves telling everyone about that day.
Our son, Andrew, was in town for an NHRA race. He got to come over for dinner one night. What a joy to have us all together, even briefly.
Gary, Andrea, and I went to the race on Saturday while Kyle stayed home with Aaron.
And on Sunday, their Monster Energy team won!! Sadly, we were unable to be there that day. ☹
I love the love that Andrea, Kyle, and Andrew show to Aaron. I wish I had a picture of Kyle trying to teach Aaron to do push-ups while we were at the track. Or one of him the night we arrived giving Aaron the special game he bought him. 😊
The week was packed with much more, but I’ll end this now with a funny story:
Background: For years my family has had fun with my association with cows, as in cow Patty. I also go by Moo as much as Mom. 😂
On our way to Houston, we stopped at our favorite tourist center/rest stop in Oklahoma City. Aaron was ecstatic that Gary told him he could buy me a little stuffed cow.
Aaron decided to explain his purchase to the clerk at the cash register.
Loudly.
“I’m buying this for my mom because she’s a COW!!”
I explained as best I could.
Then she pointed me to a bag of candy.
Cow Patties. 😂😂😂
Thanks for reading! Have a wonderful weekend!
Feeding on Faithfulness
One of Aaron’s favorite things to do in all the world is to eat out at a restaurant. The promise of eating out makes every doctor visit or dental procedure totally worth his time.
Aaron might vary a little in what he will eat at the different restaurants that we visit, but always…if possible…he will order a side salad with “no croutons and two ranches.”
And often he will order another of his favorites…French fries!
Not long ago, while he munched on his fries at lunch, he had an idea.
“Mom?” he asked, “can we make French fries?”
“I kind of made them last night in the air fryer,” I answered as I reminded him of the potato wedges that we had eaten.
“I didn’t see them that way,” he responded.
I smiled at Aaron’s response.
He has, yet again, given me something to ponder.
A couple blogging friends mentioned Psalm 37 last week. I decided to read slowly through that wonderful Psalm in the mornings after my regular Bible study.
Verse 3 jumped out at me.
“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.”
Guess what the word ‘cultivate’ means? It means to ‘feed on.’
Dwell in the land and feed on faithfulness.
‘Dwell’ can also mean ‘rest.’
The land is wherever God has put me.
So, I am to rest where God has put me and feed on faithfulness.
That sounds pleasant at first glance. But what if the place God has put me is less than ideal?
What if it’s just downright hard?
Fact is, God didn’t say that I am to be faithful when my pasture is lush and green…when my place in life is fun and easy and fulfilling.
He just said to dwell there in the pasture where He has placed me…stay…rest.
And while there, feed on faithfulness.
Here I am, approaching the age that I used to think was REALLY old, and I am still in a large sense raising a child. This time of my life was what I used to hear being referred to as having the time of my life.
Empty nest and all that.
Hasn’t quite worked out that way for us.
But I can’t deny the fact that God didn’t qualify the type of land He would ordain for me. He just told me to rest there.
And to feed on faithfulness.
You see, we can all be faithful where we are. The form it takes is what sometimes trips us up.
Caring for Aaron, in all the shapes that caring takes, is me feeding on faithfulness.
But many times, I’m like Aaron as he compared the air fryer potato wedges to French fries.
I don’t see it that way.
I don’t see managing Aaron’s medicines, doctor visits, tons of paperwork, or driving him everywhere as having a lot to do with my faithfulness to God.
I most definitely get tangled up in tiredness and complaining as I work to keep him fed, active, happy, encouraged, and clean.
Sadness at seizures and frustration during behaviors jerk my emotions in all directions.
And as the days turn into weeks and the weeks into months and the months into years, it sure is easy to lose the sense of living in faithfulness to God.
Seems like I often compare my grass to others, and usually theirs is so much greener than mine.
Their feeding on faithfulness seems exciting and fun.
Mine? Pretty dull and daily.
And often dirty.
But something I’m learning…ever so slowly…is to look up to God when I feel like looking over to someone else’s land. Keep my focus on my Shepherd and on the land He has given to me.
To see every tiring moment as an opportunity to trust Him, to do good, to rest in this place, and to feed on faithfulness.
To remind myself, at the end of another tiring day, that God smiles on my faithfulness.
“I didn’t see it that way, God,” I often think.
“Oh, but I did, my dear,” God whispers.
And I rest.
What Time Is It??!!
We are stuck in time, AGAIN! This blog from four years ago has not changed one tiny bit!
So today I have another Chicago song rumbling around in my brain. A couple weeks ago it was the song “Color My World” that I wrote about.
But today…today it’s the song, “Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?”
The chorus begins:
Does anybody really know what time it is?
Does anybody really care?
Stop right there!!
Yes, somebody cares!!!
AARON CARES!!!
For anybody new to my blog, Aaron is our amazing adult son with autism. And keeping the correct time is of paramount importance to him. I mean, look at his log book that he keeps with his time to go to bed at night and the time he gets out of bed in the morning.
And many of you still chuckle with me when I share conversations similar to this:
Aaron: “Mom! I woke up early this morning! Guess what time I got up?”
Me: “You…
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The Special Quarter
I had taken Aaron in for his physical at the air base, which in itself is full of interesting Aaron moments.
Here’s one: He was very worried that he would need to give a urine sample, which he completely does not want to do. We walked up to the counter at the Immunization Clinic to sign him in for a TB test. I always try hard to be the first one at these windows in order to spare the poor airmen from Aaron’s loudly blurted and random comments or questions. I indeed was in front of Aaron but this in no way deters Aaron. As I signed him in and explained what we needed, Aaron pushed his head around the side of the window.
“DO I NEED TO PEE HERE??!!” he loudly and nervously asked.
I have to say that the look on the faces of the two airmen in the clinic was priceless. I have no idea about the look on my face, but on Aaron’s was a look of panic. I explained to the airmen as best I could while I tried to calm Aaron and sign him in on the clipboard. And Aaron continued to ask his question over and over, bless him.
Most people who encounter Aaron are treated to an impromptu lesson in special needs. Like the lady yesterday at Wal-Mart in the produce section…the one that Aaron followed as he asked her if she liked cabbage because we were buying cabbage and he just HAD to know if she liked cabbage and why did she like cabbage… All while I was calling to Aaron to come with me and trying to distract him from his quest to discover if this woman liked cabbage like we like cabbage.
And the dear cashier, who had to answer lots of questions from Aaron and listen to his commentary. Do you like chocolate cake? Do you like chocolate icing on your chocolate cake? Guess what we’re having for supper? Steak! Do you like steak? What kind of steak do you like? I like boneless. Do you like boneless? Mom, what kind of steak are we having…….
Outings with Aaron, of whatever kind, often leave me with a variety of emotions. Humor. Embarrassment. Frustration. Joy. Relief…when it’s over! But mostly, I really do love my times with Aaron, stressful as some situations are.
After his physical, we went to Jose’ Pepper’s to eat. His favorite thing to do in all the world is to eat out. And when he has gotten to know a server, like Emily at Jose’ Pepper’s, then his fun is doubled. He walked in the door laughing and rubbing his hands together, oblivious to any stares from others. He immediately spied Emily and he was off, trying to talk to her as the hostess was trying to figure all this out and get us seated, and I was trying to calm and quieten Aaron, and Emily was smiling broadly.
We do make an entrance.
We were nearly through with our meals when Aaron spied something on the floor beside us. I followed his gaze as he leaned out of our booth for a closer look. There on the cement floor was a quarter. Aaron was out of the booth in a flash! He picked up his great find and proceeded to examine it closely.
“MOM!!” he very excitedly said, “it’s a state quarter!! It’s HAWAII!!”
He was beyond happy at this treasure that had been laying right there on the floor for who knows how long. Look at his wonderful smile.
He did not have a Hawaii quarter. It is now safely in its place in his state quarter folder.
For that day, for that moment, Aaron had found a priceless gem.
And I thought, as I watched him so full of delight at something that would be less than impressive to most of us, how this moment is so like my life with Aaron.
Do I focus on the routine life we have? Do I see him through eyes of frustration or embarrassment? Yes, I often do.
But I CAN make the choice to view him as a real gem, full of his uniqueness and spontaneity. Sure, he can be aggravating and especially embarrassing in public, but how funny he is! How refreshing…sometimes. 😊
How full of lessons for Gary and for me, and hopefully for many others who encounter him.
So, when we are walking to our car after our excursions, and I take a deep breath in order to settle my mind and calm my nerves, may I also use that same breath to thank God for the special treasure that He has given me right beside me in this life.
And may others who bump into Aaron in the produce aisle, the check-in counter, the check-out lane, the restaurant…wherever we are…realize that there are many walking among us who are very special indeed!
What a gift it is to find them!
He Said What?! 