I'm Patty, and my husband and I are living with our adult son who has autism and epilepsy. I love sharing lessons learned from life around me, especially life with Aaron.
It was the summer of 1983. My husband was in helicopter flight training for the U.S. Army at Fort Rucker, Alabama. We had rented a house for the few months that we were there.
One hot summer day I stood outside watering my beautiful Zinnias in our front flower bed. Gary and I had been married for four years. I remember the thoughts that ran through my mind as I stood alone outside.
“If only we had a little baby asleep inside,” I thought, “my life would be complete.”
A year and a half later, God granted my desire. Our first child was born in the old wooden military hospital at Fort Carson, Colorado. Aaron surprised us by arriving three weeks early. We were over the moon in love with our tiny little baby boy.
Never once as I longed for a baby did I consider the possibility of having a child with special needs. That blip was never on my baby radar.
Aaron’s first seizure happened during our second tour in Germany. Suddenly we were thrust into a huge unknown. He spent five days in the German Kinderklinik and then released into the care of our military doctors. This began our life with so many doctors and procedures and tests and medicines, all while making numerous military moves, raising three children, homeschooling, and serving in various churches.
Lately I’ve been thinking more about that dreamy desire I had for a baby. God honored that desire He planted in my heart, but certainly not in the way I would have chosen, quite honestly.
I love what Dale Davis said as he wrote about God’s sometimes unusual ways.
“God is always faithful, but He’s not always predictable.”
Our life has been anything but predictable over Aaron’s nearly 42 years.
But God has been always faithful.
I can say with the prophet Isaiah: “O Lord, You are my God. I will exalt You, I will give thanks to Your name; for You have worked wonders, plans formed long ago with perfect faithfulness.” (Isaiah 25:1)
I didn’t know God’s plan on that summer day as I cared for my Zinnias and wished I was caring for a baby.
But I knew God then and I still know Him now, and with utmost certainty I can say that His plans for us and for Aaron, plans formed long ago, were and are wrapped in His perfect faithfulness.
So are God’s plans for you that know and follow Him.
Whatever unpredictable news has come your way, know that God has been, is now, and will always be faithful to you.
It’s been over three weeks now since Aaron moved into his group home. He has done so much better than we had feared. He has adjusted to extraordinary changes in his life. And yet….
Now that the initial excitement is over and everything is becoming more routine, he is showing some signs of stress concerning his new life. He is realizing that his living situation is long term. That acknowledgement is coming with some resentment on his part. It’s showing up in some small ways that we pray don’t grow into big issues.
Yesterday he told me that he misses my cooking. Never mind that many times in the past he was not thrilled with my dinner menu. He is conveniently disregarding that fact.
This morning he called and told me that he wants to come home to sleep in his own bed. He wanted to know why he can’t do that.
These are tricky conversations. We are broadsided with them and unsure how to answer them except to assure him of our understanding and our love.
The first Sunday afternoon that I picked him up to come home, he wanted to bring his entire basket of music CDs with him as well as several of his Handy Answer Books. He finally agreed, reluctantly and with frustration on both our parts, to bringing only a few CDs and one book.
On that day, he just wanted to stay a short time at our house. He did the same thing this past Sunday. Just a brief stay and he was ready to go back. It’s largely because all his “things” are at his group home now and so our home doesn’t feel like his home to him now.
In fact, the other day he was talking about coming home.
“When I come to….” he started. He didn’t know how to finish.
“When I come to….our old house….” he finally said.
It’s an adjustment that all of us have had to make when we have left home. It’s just extra hard for Aaron, and still very new.
We have encouraged Aaron to call his group home HIS house instead of calling it Victoria’s house. He’s getting there, but slowly.
Another aspect of Aaron’s adjustment is that he is showing more of his typical bluntness and anger. That’s because the newness is wearing off and he is feeling the stress of his new life more. He got very upset after we left him on Sunday because Victoria also left on a quick outing with her family. He called and wanted Gary and I to come back. It was so hard. We talked to him as long as we could but did not go back.
The on-call staff who is also the residential coordinator went over to help. She knows Aaron well and was a lifesaver.
In fact, both the house staff and the day group staff have been so amazing. They love Aaron, understand him, and know exactly how to work with him and help him process all the new challenges and his emotions that come as a result.
The Medical Office Coordinator made Aaron the cutest bedazzled goose to match her big one in her office that he loves.
So here we are, navigating the day-to-day as Aaron grapples with the long-term reality of his new life. This was a necessary decision we made for Aaron, but necessary decisions are seldom easy.
So many of you have helped tremendously with cards, visits, gifts, words of encouragement, and prayers.
Especially your prayers.
Sometimes I still cry, like I did yesterday during lunch with a friend.
Or sometimes at night when I pass Aaron’s dark room.
But I know that your prayers are upholding us and giving us a calm that can only be explained by God’s “peace that passes understanding.”
We are not unaware of the impact each of you is having on us and on Aaron through your love and prayers.
Monday night was Aaron’s first night in his new home, and our first night without him in our home. I woke up Tuesday morning, unplugged my phone to take with me, and automatically reached for Aaron’s baby monitor.
Old habits die hard. Fresh tears came quickly. I had been out of bed less than a minute when I was hit full force with the reality that Aaron wasn’t here…that I didn’t need the baby monitor with me to listen for seizures.
Then I checked my phone and saw that I had missed a call from Aaron. His house has a phone, and I hadn’t heard his call. I felt so terrible!
But then he called again and I quickly answered. He sounded good, though tired. He immediately asked when he could come home.
“For a visit?” I asked.
“No,” he answered. “To stay.”
I felt my heart being ripped out again as I told him that he couldn’t stay but that we would see him on Thursday for Meals on Wheels and lunch.
Then he asked if Gary and I could come over to his house that afternoon for a visit. We were leery of visiting so soon, worried that it would upset him and he wouldn’t want us to leave without him.
“Aaron,” I said, “we’re afraid you’ll want to come home with us and you’ll be upset.”
“No,” he insisted, “I won’t ask to come home. Please don’t disappoint me.”
And there went my heart and my tears, which I tried hard to hide from Aaron in my voice.
Gary and I talked about it and prayed about whether we should go see Aaron so soon. We needed to get him a phone, and we would have to show him how to use it, so we made the decision to go and trust the Lord to let it be a good visit.
We pulled up in the driveway and soon Aaron burst out the front door.
“HEY!!” he yelled.
“HEY!!” we yelled back.
Then came hugs and huge smiles and lots of talking. He was so happy to see us and we were the same. Victoria was thrilled to see us, too. She stayed right there with us in Aaron’s room. It was “honey this and honey that” as she talked to Aaron.
The visit was great. Aaron would rush in and out of his room as he talked to the staff.
“My mom said to tell you…” he would tell them.
Or, “My mom wanted to know….”
“No, I didn’t!” I would add.
They’re getting to know Aaron.
As we left, Aaron gave us more hugs but didn’t ask even once if he could come home. Gary and I drove home feeling huge relief and joy. God gave us a very sweet gift yesterday despite our concern.
It felt so good that we didn’t disappoint Aaron.
And even better that God didn’t disappoint us.
This morning in my study of Psalms, I read chapter 6.
“I am weary with my sighing; every night I make my bed swim. I dissolve my couch with my tears. My eye has wasted away with grief….”
“For the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping. The Lord has heard my supplication; the Lord receives my prayer.”
“Prayer doesn’t change things, but prayer lays hold of God Who changes things and Who, in prayer, changes you.” (Dale Davis)
This is such an important truth for those who are believers. Sometimes the biggest change that comes when I pray isn’t that God changes my situation. It’s that He changes ME. As I submit to His will and His plan, even if I can’t see it…or I see it and don’t like it…He honors my trust in Him by giving me incredible peace and strength.
Sometimes our prayers are the sound of weeping. That’s all we can muster.
“God can even make out what your tears long for.” (Dale Davis)
God doesn’t even need our words. He just wants our trust. And as I experience God’s presence and peace, I can’t help but praise Him for that.
I looked out my favorite upstairs window last night. Once again, God didn’t disappoint. His artistry was a beautiful ending to our day.
And the artistry of His peace for us as we see His care for Aaron and His soothing of our broken hearts is also a beautiful thing to see.
Today was moving day for Aaron as he transitions to living in a special needs group home. Gary and I have worked all week on his new room. On Saturday we took him to see his room and to show him everything. He was excited and had an ear-to-ear smile as he walked in his nearly finished room. It helped that Victoria was there, too, and squealed with joy at every drawer that we opened and especially at the fun snacks we put into Aaron’s snack baskets.
But as the weekend wound down, we could also tell that Aaron was getting more apprehensive. He saw his life changing as his bedroom at home became emptier and a strange room in another house now held his special things.
This morning on the monitor I heard Aaron awake. It was way before 5:00. He was rustling things, walking up and down the stairs, took a shower, and even took his pills way too early. It was all way too early.
He opened our bedroom door several times to see if I was awake. Finally, as I faked sleep, he spoke to me and asked if he could have his coffee. There was nothing to do but get his coffee and face whatever would come on this very sad morning.
I put his coffee on his nightstand.
“Mom?” he said as I stood by his bed. “Do I have to go?”
He was looking straight into my eyes, focused and unwavering.
God held back my tears as I answered him.
“Yes, Aaron, you have to go,” I told him with as much love as I could.
But my tears flowed as I walked back to the bedroom and sat down at my desk.
This feels like betrayal of our special Aaron, but we know that we are only doing what is best for him.
Sometimes what is best is not at all what is easiest.
God has so definitely opened this door for us, and we knew we should walk through it.
Later, Aaron began bringing me items from his room that he wondered if he could take. His TY stuffed animals. His slippers. His pajamas he had just worn. His special pillows.
I had dreaded our last drive to Paradigm, his day group. Dreaded seeing him leave. But he wanted to go with me to Carly’s office, where he was met with big smiles and high fives and where Carly took this picture of me and Aaron.
I drove home, comforted and tear free, and so aware of God’s grace and of all the many family and friends who were praying for us today.
We got several pictures of Aaron and Victoria today, huge smiles on their faces.
Gary and I finished his room today. We will still hang some things on his walls and are waiting on his new bed to come.
Aaron rode to his group home with his housemates. He called us tonight and we were like parents excited to hear from their child at camp or at college.
But then he asked us why we made him leave. We explained it yet again while feeling like we had abandoned him. We know better and we hope Aaron does but oh, it hurts right now.
The tears come and go for me and Gary. Lots of tears.
But being in God’s will doesn’t mean we won’t have tears.
It does mean that God will hold our hands and comfort our broken hearts.
Just a bit ago I honestly thought I heard Aaron say, “Mom!”
But his room here is empty.
He has a new room and a new life.
Yet we will always be his caregivers even though from a distance now. Others will take over roles we have always held, and we pray they care for him well.
Yes, you read that title correctly. Aaron is moving!
We have known for a long time that moving Aaron to a group home would need to be a part of his future. But that part of his future was something we would always refer to as coming someday. The prospect of him moving really wasn’t anywhere near a reality to us, though we knew that this “someday” would…someday…need to be THE day.
Gary and I have faced the truth that we are officially in our old age. We have never wanted or planned for either of our other children to be responsible for Aaron moving when we are gone. We know that planning for and carrying out Aaron’s next steps in life should be our responsibility, not theirs. We also have known that facing this big challenge should be done before a crisis of some sort hits me or Gary.
But what we have known for years in our hearts and on paper has been extremely hard to carry out in Aaron’s life…and in ours. So many obstacles. So many emotions. So many reasons to wait until a better time.
A few months ago, we put out some little feelers to our good friend at Aaron’s day group. She is like a second mother to Aaron and has known him for years. I told Barb that we were ready…maybe?…to pursue these next difficult decisions for Aaron.
Aaron has a sweet friend at his day group. Victoria and Aaron have a very special relationship. We finally started letting Aaron call Victoria his girlfriend last year. They really do seem to love each other.
We talked and prayed about Aaron moving but had no idea how on earth to make this happen. Aaron would NOT want to leave home. He would be very angry and resistant to even the idea, much less an actual move.
One day I told Gary that the only way I could see this working was if there would be an open room in Victoria’s group home. Co-ed group homes are common. But that was a real stretch, I knew. Her house was full, with no vacancies expected. But I prayed anyway that if this was God’s will then a room in that house would open.
On May 4th, I got a text from Barb. She told me there had been a change and that suddenly there was a room opening in Victoria’s house. Oh my! Talk about mixed emotions! We had excitement mixed with concern. But deep down I knew that God had opened a very definite door for us. We could not walk away and ignore this precise answer to prayer. Gary agreed and so we knew we must move forward.
Our other prayer now was that Aaron would want to move. This was another huge obstacle that we saw no way around but for God to work a miracle in Aaron’s heart.
On the day Barb told us about the open room, I started a journal of God’s doings during this process. I would open my Bible and read on those pages. On May 5th, the day after Barb told us about the room, here is what I read.
“When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, You knew my path.” Psalm 142:3
And: “You have worked wonders, plans formed long ago with perfect faithfulness.” Isaiah 25:1
God strengthened my spirit so much that morning with those precious promises about this path He had put us on for Aaron. I certainly did feel overwhelmed, but I knew that God knew my path. Our path. His plans for Aaron and for us would be covered by His perfect faithfulness to all of us.
With Barb’s help, we planned for Aaron to go to the group home one day for supper. We had Victoria ask him and he was beyond excited. That day he rode to the house in the van with Victoria and the rest of the residents.
He hung out there for a few hours and ate supper. While there, the staff showed him the empty bedroom, and they talked to him about moving there.
When I went to pick him up, I cringed when Aaron told me that they had shown him the room and asked him if he would like to live there. I didn’t know they would do that yet. But Aaron was all about it! He thought that was a great idea!
Since then, Aaron has still been very upbeat about moving. It’s amazing! Another very big answer to prayer!
But he’s also going around telling everyone that he’s going to move in with his girlfriend.
“Um, it’s not exactly like that,” I feel compelled to add.
So here we are. We are having our intake meeting next week. I’m not sure of an exact move-in date yet.
My emotions are all over the place. You can imagine. I know we’ll have bumps in the road as Aaron adjusts to leaving home. He is expressing some fears about that.
And I’m expressing my fears to some, but mainly to God. Who can take care of Aaron like I do? Who understands him and can read him like a book? Who will be on alert for his seizures and take care of him when they happen? Who will take him for a slushie or a milkshake? And on and on and on.
But the God Who so definitely opened this door will take care of all those details and will take care of Aaron and of me during this huge transition.
My verse for May 30th: “Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; surely I will help you; surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
How good to know we can trust God with each chapter of our lives, and of Aaron’s!
I have a story to tell of the sweetest thing God did one recent very cold January day.
My son-in-law’s mother, Marie, came to visit my daughter and son-in-law for a long weekend. She arrived on Friday, and late that night it hit me that Marie’s birthday was only a few days away.
My friend Joyce and I were taking a day trip that next day to Lindsborg, a quaint little Swedish town not far away. As I got ready for bed that Friday night, I felt a strong urge and excitement about finding Marie a birthday gift in Lindsborg. I prayed as I went to bed, asking God to let me find just the right gift for Marie.
You see, Marie’s husband is fighting pancreatic cancer. The last six months have been brutal for Kent and Marie in all the ways you can imagine. I wanted this gift that God laid on my heart to be a special encouragement to Marie.
Joyce and I walked in shop after shop but there was nothing that jumped out at me as just the right gift for Marie. Finally, in a fair-trade shop, Joyce and I found a little table with baskets full of polished rocks shaped like hearts and painted various colors.
In one basket were stones that had a word on one side and then a little saying on the other side. I was drawn to them, but as I examined the selection I didn’t find anything that I felt was for Marie. I didn’t know what word would be for Marie, honestly, but I knew that none of those words were right.
Joyce said that maybe there were more rocks in the back of the store, and I said that I doubted it. I was ready to walk away but Joyce was already talking to the clerk at the counter, who said that she could etch any word onto one of the blank stones that were in another basket.
I was very surprised!
“So, what word would you want?” Joyce asked.
I hadn’t had time to even think about that when suddenly, in a flash, I knew.
“Courage,” I answered.
“And on the other side of the rock, Joshua 1:9,” I continued as I looked up the reference to be certain.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Oh, what a precious promise!
I walked out of the store with that little rock in a cute box with a pretty ribbon, praising God for how He put all this together.
But God wasn’t done yet.
In the next store, as we browsed the shelves, Joyce excitedly walked up to me.
“Patty, look at this!” she excitedly said.
She held out a beautiful journal. This is the cover.
What a tender touch from God!
I could hardly wait for the next day to come when I could give Marie these simple gifts and tell her the story of how God reached down to show me and Marie both that He cares about every little detail of our lives.
If God cares so much about a rock and a journal for Marie, I have every assurance that He cares about this path that Kent and Marie are walking.
He cares about THEM and He has a reason for the big things they’re facing.
And that little rock has shown over and over that we have a big God.
Time waits on no man, Chaucer said. Time waits on no child, either. We see this clearly as we watch Ryker growing. Pictures from a few months ago compared to now show his physical growth. New words and speaking in sentences show his intellectual growth.
It brings joy mixed with a dose of sadness as all parents and grandparents know very well.
Ryker and Aaron’s relationship is also growing with time. We have seen great strides on Aaron’s part in his friendship with his little nephew.
Sometimes Aaron sees Ryker as his buddy.
Aaron still loves giving Ryker snacks.
Screenshot
He didn’t even mind Ryker taking his favorite chair one day.
They play funny make-believe games.
Wear goofy hats of Aaron’s.
Watch cars zoom down the track.
Do chalk drawings.
Laugh at silly cartoons.
Thoroughly enjoy water balloons.
Blow dandelions.
Play music.
Occasionally share the playset.
Fly a plane.
And one of the best is when they watched our fireworks on the Fourth.
It’s just the cutest thing to see Aaron look at Ryker and say, “Ryker! Come on!” Then to see Ryker bolt as fast as he can on his little legs to run with Aaron up the stairs to Aaron’s room where all sorts of fun and unique gadgets await his exploration.
And snacks that are new to Ryker! Dots! Red Hots! Pistachios!
And gum!
So, you can see that we must monitor things closely, sometimes much to Aaron and Ryker’s frustration.
But for all the positive steps forward, Aaron still carries the burden of his autistic way of processing his world and how others impact it.
Aaron sends mixed signals to Ryker. One minute he might be happily allowing Ryker to play with one of his cool toys and the next he might yell no to Ryker for touching another treasured item.
Aaron can be hurtful with his words during those times, and inappropriate.
Therefore, we must also monitor those moments as we try to foresee certain triggers that might upset Aaron. We’re just never totally in the clear and probably never will be.
Yet, again, the progress Aaron has made truly gives us much for which to thank the Lord.
The challenges cause us to seek God’s patience and wisdom as well.
Speaking of prayer, this has been one of the sweetest and funniest areas of Uncie Aaron and Ryker’s relationship.
Aaron has never forgotten a silly prayer that he heard in an old Don Knott’s movie when he was a child. He sometimes yells it out when we get ready to ask the blessing before eating.
“Rub-a-dub-dub!! Thanks for the grub!!”
No amount of correction on our part has kept Aaron from blurting that out sometimes. So, you guessed it. One day as we all sat at the table and joined hands, Aaron gleefully yelled, “Rub-a-dub-dub!”
And Ryker, without missing a beat, chirped “Rub-a-dub-dub!!”
Let’s close our eyes to pray now…and let the adults grin real big!
Every night as part of Aaron’s bedtime routine, we join hands and pray. Ryker has joined us before. One night I asked Ryker if he wanted to pray with us, so he scurried up on the bed, took our hands, and immediately launched into his own prayer. We didn’t understand much of what he said, but it was precious in God’s eyes, I know, and certainly in ours.
Andrea shared with us Ryker’s prayer one night at their house. I had come over to help with the baby. Laying in his bed before he went to sleep, Ryker prayed:
“Dear Jesus, dank you Gramoo. Dank you Uncie Aaron. Dank you donuts.”
Out of the mouths of babes.
Dear Jesus, dank you Uncie Aaron. Even in the frustrations…the continual training that sometimes never seems to take hold…the corrections…the monitoring…
May we see the joy he also brings…the laughter…the delight at the simplest things that we often overlook.
And the huge progress he’s made in his role as Uncie Aaron.
This past Christmas, with all the craziness going on in our family surrounding our daughter and son-in-law’s move to our town, we had to delay our family Christmas until the middle of January. When we told Aaron that we would be having Christmas in January, he replied in his matter-of-fact way.
“But we open presents on December 25th,” he stated.
“Well, yes, we usually do but this year no one will be here on that day,” I replied.
We had this conversation several times over the next few days. Finally, we came to a compromise. Aaron would open two presents on Christmas day and save the rest for our family celebration in January.
Christmas morning (the REAL Christmas morning) came. Aaron was very excited about opening his two gifts. Gary and I were relishing our slow, relaxed morning. However, Aaron was not on the same page as we were.
Finally, his patience was wearing thin. He told me to get ready so he could open his two Christmas presents. I told him to wait and not rush me.
“Mom!!” he said, “why do you want me to wait slow?!”
I’ve thought about his description of waiting slow. I think we all have situations in life that seem like they’re dragging on forever. Times that we seem stuck with no answers…no way out.
We wonder why God is silent…or at least He seems to be.
“God, I’ve prayed and prayed about this. Why do You want me to wait slow for Your answer?”
But sometimes the waiting slow IS God’s answer. For in the place of waiting, God has so much to teach us.
The Apostle Paul knew this truth. In his second letter to the Corinthian church, he told the believers there that he had been so burdened and afflicted that he despaired for his life. He was beyond any remaining strength. He felt the sentence of death within himself.
Why?
Why would God allow such a faithful servant of Paul to endure this prolonged suffering? Well, Paul tells us why.
“…so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God Who raises the dead…He on Whom we have set our hope.” (II Corinthians 1:9-10)
When God puts His children in life’s waiting rooms, He has a good purpose in mind for us.
It is in the waiting that we see our need for God.
It is in the waiting that we learn a deeper trust.
It is in the waiting that we learn to praise God despite our suffering.
And it is in the waiting that we learn where to place our hope.
I talked not long ago to a husband who is caring for his wife with Alzheimer’s. They are far too young to be enduring this sadness. Yet his attitude was one of surrender to God’s plan instead of what his plan had been for their retirement years. He sees his care for her as the ministry that God has for him at this time in his life. He has learned where to place his hope.
There is a dear family here whose husband/dad has been on the heart transplant list but since he has had some strokes, he is no longer eligible for transplant. It was a gut punch. But God did open the door for him to be transferred to the #1 rehab hospital in the country. After being rejected by so many other rehab hospitals, God opened this one at just the right time. His wife said, “I am thankful for the prayers that God chooses to answer differently from what I expect. It’s just learning to continue to have the faith that He knows what He is doing.” In waiting slow, she has learned a deeper trust.
The point is, when we are waiting slow it’s so important not to place our hope in whatever answer we want from God, but instead to place our hope in God Himself.
He will do what is best, in His time. We can trust Him to do that!
“Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:14)
Our crowd from Texas all arrived safely in three different stages on Monday night. What a relief to have them all here at last!
Except relief is not the word that Aaron would use to describe his feelings about this situation.
His word choice would have been “dread.” Dread mixed in with a little anger.
But Aaron reacts this way to any situation that threatens to up-end his ordered, predictable world.
Even on the day the family was to arrive, Aaron was still letting us know that he did not want to be Uncle Aaron and he did not want to have a nephew.
He was asleep when the last travelers arrived at 10:30, with Ryker (the nephew) in tow. Poor little Ryker was tired of traveling and scared of all the sudden new surroundings until he was able to finally stretch his legs and do some exploring. Then there was no stopping him!
Ryker was awake early the next morning, and so was Aaron. Aaron walked in the room where Ryker was staying. Andrea had just changed his diaper. I saw Aaron’s eyes dart to Ryker but then quickly look away.
“There’s Ryker, Aaron,” I softly said.
But Aaron was very nervous, and I knew not to push. Aaron focused solely on Andrea. He began talking about and showing her the box for his new Batman game. He was in his comfort zone, and it was best to leave him there.
Andrea and I went downstairs with Ryker, where Aaron soon followed, still focusing only on Andrea as he talked about games and movies…anything but “The Nephew.” Ryker just looked at Aaron, certainly intrigued, but Aaron still refused to acknowledge his presence.
After some time, Aaron thumped back up two flights of stairs to his bedroom. Soon we heard him coming down again. I thought that Aaron would have a new game box to show Andrea.
But no. Instead, he was carrying a stuffed bear.
This wasn’t just any stuffed bear. 34 years ago, while we lived in Germany, our third child was born…Andrew. Aaron was five years old, and he did not welcome his tiny little brother into the world. Instead, he was uncomfortable around baby Andrew and kept his sullen distance when they visited us in the hospital. We attributed it to normal adjustments that many children have with a new sibling.
When we brought Andrew home from the hospital, we were concerned about how Aaron would react to his brother actually living with us. As soon as we walked inside, Aaron looked at us and then ran back to his room. Soon he returned carrying his favorite stuffed bear, given to him when he was born.
“Here,” he said as he held his bear out to us. “Andrew can have this.”
That was his way of accepting his new brother. And for the rest of his years at home, that bear was Andrew’s bear.
Andrew grew up and moved away. The bear was in his closet. One day, Aaron saw the bear and asked if he could have it. Andrew, of course, said yes. So, for all these years that special bear has been Aaron’s bear again.
Over this past year we have watched 39-year-old Uncle Aaron exhibit the same unaccepting behavior toward his new baby nephew as he had shown toward his new brother.
But then…
Aaron held the bear out toward Ryker.
“Here,” he said to Andrea, “Ryker can have this.”
I was blown away as my mind wrapped around the significance of this moment.
I was taken back all those years ago to our military quarters in Germany, little Aaron handing his favorite bear to Andrew. And now handing that very significant bear to The Nephew. To Ryker.
I could never have orchestrated a sweeter, more meaningful way for Aaron to show his acceptance of Ryker.
Oh, thank you Lord!
And thanks to all of you have prayed over this past year for Aaron to accept and love Ryker. All of you have a part in the miracle we have seen over the past three days.
Aaron has been sharing food and toys and stuffed animals with his nephew.
But nothing he shares can surpass that first thing he shared…the little brown stuffed bear with such a story to tell of love and acceptance.
As I shared in my first blog, our daughter and son-in-law’s offer on a house in Wichita was accepted. Now it was time for them to hit the ground running as they hurried to put their house near Houston on the market.
They had already been working on projects to get their house ready to be listed but there was still much to do. My husband, Gary, drove down with all our boxes we had used during our main level remodel as well as tools that he could use to help with some projects.
There was quite a flurry of activity during those several days. Every inch of the house, inside and out, was being cleaned and uncluttered and repaired. The business end of putting the house on the market was being decided. Finally, before Gary left to come home, pictures were taken of the house…the for-sale sign was in the front yard…and soon their beautiful home was officially listed.
We fully expected the same scenario as we had seen with Roger and Deane’s home…lots of showings and then several offers right away. Maybe even a bidding war!
But no.
Crickets.
No showing notifications. For three days!
Come on people! We’re in a hurry to sell this house!
And we began to learn that the Houston housing market is not at all like the Wichita market.
During all this, when panic was at the door, I was reminded that God inhabits our praise. It was all too easy during our worrying to forget to praise God for His goodness and for His plan, yet to be fully seen. He gave me this truth at that time.
Finally, after three days of waiting, a showing was scheduled on the fourth day! Surely this would be IT!
Kyle and Andrea got the house spic and span…Andrea baked cookies and had water for the potential buyers…corralled their three dogs in one car…put baby Ryker in the other…and made it out the door and drove away in time.
Whew!!
But the potential buyers didn’t show up.
Hopes dashed.
So began a very stressful period for Kyle and Andrea. They had one couple who were finally interested in their house, but their offer was unreasonable…and so was the fact that they would randomly show up at their door!
Kyle was preparing to leave for his maritime job. He would be offshore, on a boat out in the Gulf…for a month! We had prayed for the house to sell before he left, but God had other plans.
I flew down to help Andrea for two weeks. I had no ulterior motives at all. Nothing whatsoever about this little precious boy drew me to Texas! Ha!
Before I left, Deane told me that she and Roger were praying for a cash buyer for Kyle and Andrea. So, we joined them in that prayer. It certainly would speed things up!
What a two weeks it was! Our first showing was the day after I arrived. That was the morning that Andrea had to take Kyle to get a physical before he boarded the boat and then take him to the port in Galveston. I was at the house doing what cleaning I could while I watched Ryker, kept an eye on the dogs, tried to pick up baby and dog toys…and what was that smell?! Had a mouse gotten in the wall and died?!
Not today!!
Thus began two weeks of crazy! We had down times with no showings but the showings we did have made up for the times of peace. Getting three dogs and a baby out the door in time was no easy task, all while cleaning and trying to KEEP the house clean.
The best picture of crazy was the day that we were rushing to get ready for a showing…the second showing for this particular realtor and his clients. That was hopeful! We were in our usual rush, but we had time and were feeling good about things. Then I saw a man walking to the door.
It was the realtor! An hour early!
He wanted to go ahead and show his clients the house. They were outside waiting in their car. And an older couple (grandparents?) were in another car. Andrea said no but told him we would hurry to get ready. She quickly put the dogs in the garage.
Then I saw Siggy, their husky, across the street in the neighbor’s yard!
There went Andrea, running across the street in front of the realtor, the clients, and the grandparents…yelling at Siggy…getting him back in the garage…trying to smile while everyone enjoyed the show!
Then we couldn’t find the misplaced car key, so we sat in the other car in the driveway while the group went in to see the house.
And they didn’t even put in an offer!
Time was passing! So, to my prayer for a cash buyer, I also asked God to please let the house sell before I left Houston to return to Wichita.
Six days before I was to leave, a realtor came to look at the house. His clients were out of town, but he knew what they wanted. He thought Kyle and Andrea’s house looked promising.
And oh, his clients were cash buyers.
We tried not to be too hopeful or to assume too much.
He liked what he saw. He made another appointment to bring his clients back to look at the house…six days later…the day I was leaving.
We managed to get out of the house 10 minutes before the showing. A 9:00 a.m. showing was no piece of cake for our two-legged and four-legged crowd!
How we were praying!
Andrea and I were on our way to the airport, Ryker asleep in his car seat, when not far from the airport her phone rang.
Rebecca, her realtor!
“The client’s realtor called,” she said. “He said to expect an offer this weekend. A cash offer.”
She was calm. We were anything BUT!
She cautioned us not to be too hopeful at this point.
All I could think of was that God seemed to be in this…and I was still in Houston, like I had prayed. At the airport, yes, but I hadn’t left yet! I think God was smiling.
We heard nothing that day, but on the next day Andrea called.
“I got the offer,” she told us. “It’s a cash offer for the full amount!”
Praise God!!!
There were a few hiccups in the next couple weeks, but God worked out every detail in the best way for Kyle and Andrea.
We are also very sensitive to the fact that there is another family who is dealing with all this in a different way than we are. We know that Kent and Marie, Kyle’s dear parents, are sad to see them and Ryker move so far away.
They have been nothing but supportive and kind…another reason for thankfulness and love on our part for them. And we are all praying for their future, wondering what other miracles God might do for them.
Yesterday was closing day. I can hardly describe my emotion when I received this picture.
Now begins the next chapter!
We will see how God supports our lot as He takes care of all our circumstances…including a nervous Uncle Aaron.
He Said What?! 