I'm Patty, and my husband and I are living with our adult son who has autism and epilepsy. I love sharing lessons learned from life around me, especially life with Aaron.
I’m sitting here tonight at my desk, feeling the weight of hurt that someone I love is enduring. Yet knowing, too, that God is at work answering prayers that have been prayed for years.
Sometimes God’s answers come with pain.
Praying with that knowledge is an act of sacrifice.
I don’t like pain and hurt, and I especially don’t like to see those I love in that condition.
A few weeks ago, I drove to see a sweet friend for the day. I shot this quick picture while I headed down the road.
That cloud was both beautiful and intimidating. Would it just stay a gorgeous cloud, or would it turn into a storm? On I went on the road I needed to take. Turns out there was a little thunder later but mostly I enjoyed a very pretty sky that God gave.
About this same time, I read I Corinthians 7. Paul was encouraging people of various situations in life…wives, Jews, Gentiles, slaves. He ended the section with these words:
“Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called.” (I Cor. 7:24)
Three words jumped out at me.
Remain with God.
Whatever the condition to which we are called, we are to remain with God.
Sometimes…very often, actually…life’s situations to which God calls us are just plain hard.
Cancer. Oh, the dear friends I have who are battling cancer.
Dementia. Loss of a loved one. Or caring for a loved one with a serious illness.
Parenting special needs of any age.
And this world. This sad, scary, upended world.
But through it all, we are to remain with God.
Like that road I was driving, straight with a curve up ahead and a big uncertain cloud, but on which I knew I must remain until I reached my destination.
Remain with God through the tears, the fears, the pain, the pressures.
Don’t give up on God. Listen to what else Paul said about his own thorn in the flesh that God allowed him to have.
“And He has said to me, My grace is sufficient for you; for My power is made perfect in weakness.” (II Cor. 12:9)
If I don’t remain with God, then I will not be able to partake of His amazing and sufficient grace, or to experience His awesome power in my life.
Being under the hand of my loving Father is where I need to remain, regardless of the circumstances in which I find myself…or in which I find those that I love.
Early one morning I heard a soft pecking sound. I was downstairs when I heard it. I thought it was coming from outside, so I opened the door but didn’t see anything. Still the sound persisted.
I went upstairs, where I heard it again. I went into one of our bedrooms and found the source. Here was the culprit.
This isn’t the first time we have had this happen. A female cardinal has done this over the years on occasion. Research has shown us that there are several possible reasons for this behavior. Females are very territorial, especially at this time of year when they are nesting. She may see her reflection in the window and thinks she sees another bird, so she might be trying to chase it away. Or she may see the reflection of the tree behind her in the window and might be wanting to check it out as a nesting site.
But the reasons for this silly bird’s actions are not the reasons for this blog.
I had fun showing Aaron our little cardinal as she pecked on our window repeatedly.
That night after we had prayed, Aaron came into my bedroom.
“Mom,” he said, “you should have prayed, ‘And help the woman cardinal’s head to not hurt.’ 😊
Our little confused cardinal has also interrupted my quiet mornings in our family room, and in our living room as well.
She is one determined little bird!
But I’ve thought of how useless her struggles are, when right behind her is a tree full of available branches for nesting. There are also bushes all around that area.
And how her possible fears of another bird in her territory are nonsense. Little does she know or realize that she is truly wasting precious time and energy as she flies into the windows, and pecks and pecks at nothing.
But oh dear, I am so much like that little “woman cardinal,” as Aaron said.
I struggle with myself over God’s leading in my life more than I care to admit. Years ago, when Gary was retiring from the military, we tried and tried to move near our extended families. However, no jobs at all were opening up for him. The only feasible job…the best opportunity…and the one that God kept leading us to as we prayed…is far away from where we hoped to live.
And now here we are, with two of our adult children living far away from US…one to the north and the other to the south, along with our precious new grandson. And we have Aaron, who is a huge reason that we are tied to staying where we are with great services and medical care here.
BUT…we did pray for God’s leading many years ago…and we did see Him lead us here.
BUT…because here isn’t always easy…how do I react?
Isaiah spoke to God’s people about how they depended on themselves instead of depending on God to protect them. God led them to their land centuries earlier, and to the city He chose for them.
Jerusalem was that city.
But Jerusalem had a huge feature that left them vulnerable to their enemies.
Their water supply was from the spring of Gihon, outside the city walls. With their human ingenuity, the inhabitants built a conduit to keep water flowing into the city. But then they developed an attitude of pride and trust in their accomplishment as they ignored God.
They had become focused on how to solve their water problem without depending on God.
Did God not know that Jerusalem’s location had this weakness…this problem?
Of course He knew!
Did God make a mistake when He led them there?
No!
“Did He not knowingly choose a city with a vulnerable water supply so that living in His city actually required an attitude and commitment of faith that what He thus chose He would also Himself safeguard?” (Alec Motyer)
How about me? You?
Am I like that little cardinal, trying for a better situation or a safer location than the one to which God has led me?
“….it is a sin to depart from a position of simple, uncomplicated, trustful faith, and to replace it with man-made devices and securities. Where the Lord has made promises our calling is to trust that He will keep His word, and to pray, and look to Him that He will do so.” (Alec Motyer)
I look around me, at friends and family and others that come across my path.
It doesn’t make sense that a spouse died and left his wife widowed far too soon.
That cancer took a daughter, a wife with young children, after so many prayers and hopes for healing.
That a mother collapsed and died so suddenly.
That a family is reeling from years of caring for their young son who is fighting cancer after multiple amputations.
You know the stories.
You have your own.
Recently my cousin and his wife, David and Cindy, left me with these verses that have filled them with great hope at this time in their lives.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)
David was recently put on hospice care as his cancer is no longer responding to treatments. Yet he can say, “It’s often so hard to make sense of what God is up to, but we must keep trusting, keep persevering.”
And from Cindy, “…all these trials are used by God in shaping us and growing our faith to His glory! We are not alone. Hebrews 13:5 – I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
What a testimony of trust and faith they are to so many!
Oh little “woman cardinal,” you do not need to struggle so to find a better tree or to fight an imaginary enemy!
And oh, dear one today, if you know Christ and follow Him then trust that where He leads you is where He will supply your every need and fulfill His perfect plan for your life.
You do not need to struggle, acting as if God has made mistakes in your life.
Aaron doesn’t always like to be awakened from his sleep, either in the morning or after an afternoon nap. Yet when it’s time to get out of bed, it’s time to get out of bed! And I am often met with his anger during those times.
One day not long ago he wanted to take a nap. I asked him if he would get out of bed when I told him it was time. He promised that he would. I know Aaron, so I gave him the mom look as we stood there.
“Mom!” he asked, “do you trust my promise?”
I was honest with him and told him that sometimes he had a hard time keeping his promises when it came to getting out of bed.
Aaron’s question is one that I feel God is often asking me.
Sometimes the prayers I prayed in the past and the way that God answered leads to a place that is far from perfect.
If my trust is on my circumstances instead of on my heavenly Father, then I will most certainly begin to doubt His leading.
I know better than to live that way. I know the verses and I know the principles, but life’s realities sure can cloud that knowledge and turn it quickly into doubt and defeat.
God’s promises are not negated because of my feelings.
But my peace can be destroyed because of my feelings.
The trust I had in His leading yesterday is the same trust I need to have in Him when the path He led me to is not necessarily fun and joyful all the time.
Job felt abandoned by God as he endured horrific testing…testing that took place even as Job lived faithfully for God.
Job expressed his thoughts very honestly in Job 23. He said that he went forward, and God was not there. He went backward and did not perceive God. God did not seem to reveal Himself to Job on the right or on the left.
BUT!!!
“BUT He knows the way I take,” Job said. (Job 23:10)
Ah! The important thing for me to know is that GOD knows the way I take. Job was walking God’s path, treasuring God’s words, keeping God’s ways…and still lived with very hard situations in his life.
God knows my path, too…and yours. As you follow Him and ask for His guidance, then trust Him to do the best in your life.
Yet sometimes the best is tough.
“I’m living my BEST life!” we hear people say.
But then the pictures are usually beautiful and fun and happy.
Mine don’t always look like that.
“Patty?” God says, “do you trust My promise?”
“Yes,” I answer, “but why did You lead me here and now look at how it’s turned out?”
“Because I love you,” God answers. “I know what’s best for you.”
“I do believe that, of course,” I reply, “but…
“But DO you trust Me?” God asks again.
And I come full circle once again, forced to make a conscious decision about God…to firmly believe that He performs what is appointed for me, as Job said.
“Do you trust my promise?” God repeats.
“I do,” I reply, sometimes through tears, “because I trust YOU.”
Yesterday’s leading is still today’s place for me.
Mornings for Aaron are definitely the time of day that he struggles the most. It can really be hard for him to get out of his warm bed and face the day. Not every morning is difficult, but let’s just say that for Aaron the majority of mornings do not have a right side of the bed. Both sides are wrong!
Aaron realizes this about himself. Therefore, sometimes he will tell me to give him a morning reminder that will hopefully help him to be cheerful. The reminders are about something that the day will hold…something that he is looking forward to and so will encourage him to get up happily.
For instance, he loves going to Meals on Wheels on Thursday mornings but sometimes he knows on Wednesday night that he may be grouchy the next day.
“Mom,” he says, “tomorrow morning if I don’t want to get out of bed just say Buster.’’
Buster is the little dog at one of our homes that Aaron loves to see and to pet. And Buster loves seeing Aaron.
Or on Valentine’s Day, when we were going to pick up roses to take to his day group friends, he knew the night before that he might be irritated about getting up.
“Mom,” he told me, “if I start getting mad in the morning just say roses.”
I love Aaron’s plan of action. I know he truly does want to be nice in the mornings. Sometimes his plan works, and well, other times it doesn’t.
One recent evening we were watching a favorite show. Aaron was all comfy and relaxed on the couch, legs covered in his ever-present blanket, and enjoying a yummy snack. He was the picture of contentment.
Such was not the case hours earlier as we worked to get Aaron out of bed and on his way for the day. That morning he was the picture of frustration and anger.
As we sat on the couch enjoying our program, Aaron was filled with happiness. He finally looked over at me.
“I love you, Mom,” he said.
The moment was genuine and so sweet.
“I love you too, Aaron,” I replied.
Then he seemed to remember our unhappy morning.
“Tell me I said that in the morning when you’re getting me up,” he added.
His words were a stop-me-in-my-tracks moment.
How many times in my life have I been filled with contentment as things are going well? Then it’s easy to tell God that I love Him. And I mean it when I say those words to Him.
But sometimes the bottom falls out.
Gary and I had been married for five years before Aaron was born. That positive pregnancy test was SO huge to us! How thankful we were! How full of love for God and His sweet blessing in our lives!
Now here we are, 37 years later, in a place we never dreamed we would be with Aaron.
Seizures. Autism. Behaviors.
Can I still lift my eyes to God and tell Him that I love Him?
Those warm fuzzy ecstatic moments of my first pregnancy are long gone.
In their place are many moments of worry, sadness, frustration, and bone-wearying exhaustion.
But here’s the thing. I know God in a deeply personal way.
And I know that often His ways in my life are filled with heartache and pain so that I will grow to be more like Jesus.
God hasn’t changed one little bit.
But He calls me to change, and His word tells me that this change toward likeness in Christ will involve the hard things.
Sometimes I have to will myself to remember all the reasons I have told God that I love Him.
And those reasons cannot be based on my circumstances that are happy and fun.
The reasons I love God are based on WHO He is…His character and His attributes.
I cannot base my love for God on how comfortable I am.
So, like Aaron, there are times in my life when I need to look at God and ask Him to remind me that I said I love Him.
Through my tears, fears, anger, hurt…through all the questions I have about God’s reasons and logic in my life…I must not lose my love for God.
Oh God, tomorrow…when things aren’t going too well, and I feel upset…remind me that I said I love You.
Remind me that You are the same yesterday, today, and forever.
I knew that some of you who were praying about Aaron’s MRI last Friday might wonder if he was able to have it done. Days are so busy and get away from me, but I wanted to give a quick update.
He had no seizures the night before the appointment, so he was able to go and complete the test. All went well and I’m not expecting to get results until his next doctor visit.
Thank you so much for praying!
He even went to his day group after the MRI. He had said he wanted to just come home so going to Paradigm made me happy. It made him happy, too, to be with his friends. Victoria had saved him a cupcake, which pleased him greatly.
And that reminds me that I wanted to share this sweet picture that our friend Barb sent me of Aaron and Victoria. Aaron was tying her shoe. Isn’t that the sweetest?!
On Saturday, Aaron and I joined our good friends for a birthday lunch. Rosa and Aaron used to be in Paradigm together and became special friends. Every year Louise and I get together for Rosa’s birthday in the spring, and Aaron’s birthday in the fall. We didn’t get to do it last year due to COVID. They hadn’t seen each other since November of 2019! It was so much fun to see them enjoying time together again!
And with Mother’s Day coming up, I’ll share a picture of Rosa and her mom, Louise.
And me with Aaron.
In case I’m not able to post again before Sunday, let me wish each of you dear moms a very wonderful and sweet Mother’s Day!
Gary and I were sitting beside our decorated tree one night before Christmas. We were not alone for long, as is so often the case. Aaron soon joined us. He was, of course, drawn to the presents under the tree. His observant eyes had seen his name on a gift!
“Look!!” he exclaimed, “this gift has my name on it!”
His childish delight made us smile.
His childish delight is, in fact, a gift to us.
Yet there are other aspects of who Aaron is that we would not describe as a gift. Maybe more as a burden? An annoyance?
We know that God gave us Aaron, and he is indeed the whole package. It’s just that some of the contents of that package are not what we would have hand-picked.
Am I being too blunt here?
This reality of God’s gifts to me carries over into every area of my life. Gary and I had been married for five years before we had a baby…Aaron. We prayed for a baby. God gave us Aaron.
Do I really trust God in this answer to our prayers?
So many times in my life I have prayed over some matter…some decision…some issue. But sometimes God’s answers are not what I would have chosen.
Oh, they may seem wonderful at the time but later the gift might turn sour.
What happened?
How easy it is, then, to play the guessing game.
Maybe if we had moved there instead of here.
Maybe if we had joined that church instead of this church.
Maybe if we had raised our children in this way instead of that way.
Maybe…maybe…maybe.
Yet if I am walking with God in obedience, and I am praying for direction, I must trust that the way He leads is best and for a reason.
Good reasons, always.
But not always easy.
I must reach out and take God’s gifts to me with trust.
The children of Israel knew that God led them miraculously out of Egypt. No one could doubt that. But then it wasn’t long before they disobeyed God. Even the manna God provided to them became a source of discontentment and complaint.
Soon the Israelites were comparing their present lot with the life they used to have in Egypt, creating more unhappiness and grumbling.
I do that, too. I pray…I take God’s gift of an answer…and then when things get hard, I fight the tendency to complain and to compare.
If only I had what they have…lived where they live…got to go where they go…blah, blah, blah.
Such a trap!
This morning, I read the answer to this dilemma in my life:
“Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; and let those who love Your salvation say continually, ‘Let God by magnified.’ (Psalm 70:4)
I must keep my eyes on God in every area of my life.
My gladness and contentment is in God alone, not in the events of my life – good or not so good.
So, when I reach out and take God’s gifts to me, may I not focus on the gift so much but instead may my eyes stay on the Giver of the gifts.
That’s easy to do when the gift is fun and happy.
But I must understand that some gifts are not fun and happy. Some are hard and sad.
Yet on each gift, I see the tag.
To: Patty
From: God
Thank you, God, that every gift from You is good and perfect. You didn’t say they were easy and fun.
Remember Y2K? How lots of people were afraid that the world as we know it would be so greatly disrupted that civilization would be in chaos? People were storing up supplies of all sorts out of fear that at 12:01 a.m. on January 1, 2000 we would see the beginning of the end.
We were living on Fort Huachuca, Arizona during the time that people were prepping for the possible end. We lived in military quarters. Just inside our back door, the door the kids always used to run in and out, was a pantry/laundry room area. There were multiple shelves there on which I would put canned and boxed food.
You have to understand that I was – and still am to a smaller degree – an avid couponer. I enjoyed finding items that we needed on sale AND with a coupon. My kids can still fill in this blank: “It was on sale and you had a coupon.” As they roll their eyes, I might add.
In fact, one day Andrew told me that he bet I’d feed them rat poison if it was on sale and I had a coupon. I told him it depended on what size box it was. That’s important to know if you want to get the best deal. 😊
Back to our military quarters in Arizona. I had quite a few boxes of cereal that I had bought at the commissary…on sale and I had a coupon. OK. I had LOTS of boxes of cereal on my shelves that were on sale…never mind.
One day, in ran the kids with some friends. One little boy stopped suddenly in the pantry as his eyes focused on ALL those boxes of cereal.
“Mrs. Moore?” he asked. “Are you getting ready for Y2K?”
I laughed and laughed.
“No,” I explained. “Cereal was on sale and….”
You know the rest.
Now here we are, 20 years later, with images of shopping carts overflowing with toilet paper and Lysol wipes and detergent as people were panicked over the Coranavirus. People weren’t just stocking up, and it had nothing to do with a great sale and good coupons.
It was fear. So many people reacted out of fear, for various reasons, and hoarded all the supplies they could find.
It’s certainly understandable, to some degree, that human nature wants to stash away all we might need in case things get really bad.
Did you know that God does some “stashing away?”
Yes, He does!
“How massive Your goodness which You have stashed away for those who fear You, which You have worked out for those taking refuge in You before the sons of men. (Psalm 31:19)
I just LOVED reading that verse this morning!
For those who reverence God and who follow him in trust, God has stored up blessings and goodness.
It’s “…as if God squirrels away stockpiles of His goodness in hidden storage sites. But the goodness doesn’t remain there – God ‘works it out’ for those who take refuge in Him. So it is ‘stashed away’ in reserve but then ‘worked out’ in our experience where it becomes visible.” (Dale Ralph Davis)
I can just imagine God’s shelves stocked full of goodness for each of His children, ready for the time that we need it the most. He is prepped and prepared for every contingency in our lives.
“The overall impression we should have is that we are not left impoverished even in our worst troubles. Provisions are in place.” (Davis)
During this unprecedented time, when literally the entire world has been brought to a stop, I know there are thousands of stories of God’s goodness being poured upon those who fear and trust Him. Sometimes His goodness doesn’t even take the pleasant shape that we would choose. But His goodness is like that – coming in all shapes and sizes and ways that we might not like, but that are always for our growth and our good.
Just soak up the amazing promises in this Psalm:
“Blessed be God! For He has marvelously demonstrated His faithful love to me in a city under siege. But I, I said in my panic, ‘I have been cut off from before Your eyes.’ But in fact you heard the voice of my pleas for grace when I cried to You for help.” (Psalm 31 21-22)
We certainly do feel like we live in cities and towns under siege from an enemy we can’t even see. We may feel cut off from God’s eyes.
BUT!!
God does, in fact, hear our pleas for His grace and for His help. He has plenty of grace, help, peace, promises, and miracles stashed away – ready to be brought out for us when He chooses and when we ask.
On Saturday evening, a pop-up thunderstorm quickly formed over our house. Soon we had a short downpour of rain with a little hail mixed in.
And then, in our front yard and in the street, there appeared a rainbow. It was just beautiful…so near to us and so amazing!
God’s goodness to us is like that rainbow. We had to have the storm and the hail, the lightning and the thunder, in order to see such a rare display of a rainbow right in front of us.
May each of us know that in this storm of COVID-19 and all its effects on our lives, we will also see God’s visible goodness displayed right before us.
This story is written by a dear friend from college, who gave me permission to share. Her husband was a pilot, air traffic controller, and professor – among many other things – for years before a devastating stroke changed his life…THEIR lives…completely.
The professor began learning to play the trumpet on a borrowed instrument when he was in the 4th grade. His parents gave him a brand new trumpet, one that would be his very own, as a grade school graduation gift. He played his way through middle school and high school, as well as some in college. He must have studied some too though as he did manage to graduate. 😊
After college the trumpet rested on a closet shelf, only coming out occasionally. Like the time the professor called the cows home with it. And of course, it had to come out to play for that reunion with Old Green. But it pretty much spent the last oh-however-many-years it has been tucked away.
Due to a number of factors, the professor has not been able to play it since his stroke. We considered giving it away before making this latest move, but the professor wasn’t ready to part with it yet. So, the traveling trumpet’s case was plastered with another sticker of places it has been. Figuratively speaking.
It took up residence in the back of the guest room closet, coming out last winter so a snowbird could use it to play in the Winter Orchestra. When the snowbird went home the trumpet went back to the closet.
The Village has a cable channel for announcements, reminders, etc. Village residents are able to advertise things for sale on the channel, as well as things they might be ISO. We do not look at the channel as frequently as we should, sometimes even forgetting about it for weeks. Shame on us.
But “for some reason” we decided to look at it prior to going to church on Sunday evening. On one of the slides we saw that a friend who had arrived at the Village about the same time we did was looking for a used trumpet! We about jumped out of our seats! Looking at each other, we both knew this was why the trumpet was still hanging around.
On Monday afternoon the professor put the trumpet in his bike basket and happily pedaled over to deliver the horn.
Later that day the new owner came over to thank us again and shared the rest of the story . . .
That ad had been on the Village channel for some time and he had decided to remove it if he didn’t get a response soon. In the meantime, he had been looking at trumpets online. He had given his trumpet to his grandson before moving down here. It was going to cost him about $350 to get one to replace it. He realized Sunday morning that he really hadn’t prayed much about it. So, on Sunday morning he prayed, “Lord, if You want me to spend the $350 to get another trumpet, that’s okay, but if You want me to get one another way will You please show me?”
It was that day, after weeks of not looking at the Village channel, we “happened” to turn it on and see his ad. The professor was so happy and excited to be able to give the trumpet to his friend.
And would you believe the professor’s trumpet is exactly like the trumpet our friend used to have? It even has the same mouthpiece.
God, You are so amazing.
I love how God showed Himself to my friends, and to their friend, in this very personal way. This is just a tiny snippet of their lives that our friends have shared over many years via her emailed stories, all full of God’s faithfulness and blessings, even in the very hard times. Thank you for letting me share this, my friend!
Anniversary: the yearly remembrance of an event or occurrence.
We typically associate the word “anniversary” with weddings, don’t we? Which, by the way, Gary and I will celebrate such a remembrance this Saturday. 39 years!!! I wonder how this is possible…and then I look in the mirror and realize that yes, indeed, this is true.
But there are other anniversary dates as well. Many are full of happiness, yet sadly, many are just the opposite. In my Bible, I often make a note beside certain verses that were especially meaningful to me during good times and during not so good times. I jot down the date and make a short entry about what was occurring when that particular verse, or verses, impacted my life. I call these my memorial stones, taken from the way that Israel would memorialize important national events by building a stone memorial. Israel would thus remember what God had done for them there, just as I can remember what God has done for me through significant sections of Scripture during significant times in my life.
I came upon a memorial stone this morning as I was reading II Samuel 22:18-19.
“He delivered me from my strong enemy, from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my support.”
I looked at the brief notation I had made, and memories came flooding over me. The year was 2008 and the month was May, ten years ago. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long since Gary and I were blindsided by the events that took place. I really can’t say more about it, but I knew that God’s hand was in it as a direct answer to prayer even though there was much wrong involved. Our lives have been forever changed…forever scarred…yet forever touched by the hand of God.
You see, after verse 19 comes verse 20:
“He also brought me forth into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me.”
So now, ten years later, I can truly say that God has brought us to a broad place. But what does that mean?
Well, places of hardship and distress in the Bible are usually referred to as narrow places. They are places of being closed in, confined, and full of danger. But broad places are places of peace and security, where you can stretch and grow and see all around.
I can look back on the past ten years and see the progression in our lives from the narrow to the broad. I can also attest to the fact that God was very present with us through the awful narrow passages, and He is also very present with us in the broad place. We need Him in both.
You see, coming from the narrow to the broad doesn’t mean that we have achieved perfection. Wrong done still carries a huge impact in our lives. But God’s presence also carries an impact even larger than hurt and pain carries.
Time is ever so slow when we travel from the narrow to the broad place. There are many, many dangers. It’s easy to doubt God…to quit serving Him…to blame Him…to resent others…to gossip…
But the painful journey is also the perfect time to hear God speak to us through His Word. It’s a time for us to take one verse at a time and ponder it, apply it, and let God use those verses to heal us. It’s a time to learn to look to God and not to anyone else or anything else. The most disastrous events in our lives cannot hold a candle to the amazing grace and love of God that He delights in showing us, if we but let Him.
David, King of Israel, wrote these verses in II Samuel 22. He certainly saw his share of turmoil and rejection and danger and sin. Yet he also wrote this, in II Samuel 15:26:
“But if He (God) should say thus, ‘I have no delight in you,’ behold, here I am, LET HIM DO TO ME AS SEEMS GOOD TO HIM.”
Do you see what David was saying…what he was doing? David had a grip on God’s sovereignty, as Dale Davis says. Part of the journey from narrow to broad is being able to understand this: that we must be satisfied with letting God do to me what seems good to Him.
I did NOT say being satisfied with letting God do to me what seems good to ME.
Sometimes the cancer is not cured. Sometimes the prodigal does not come home. Sometimes the lay-off still happens. Sometimes the grave is where we visit the one we love. Sometimes restoration is not granted, as happened to us.
Yet regardless of all the “sometimes,” we can say that EVERY time, God knows what is best for my life.
So I hang onto Him, in total trust, and know that my good is of utmost importance to Him. My good may come at great cost, but it is also of great value for all of eternity.
I’m stretching in the broad place today, thank God!
On Monday, November 6, of last year…..yes, 2017 is – as of today – LAST year!! Anyway, on that day last year our washing machine loudly died. I mean, the noises coming from the bathroom/laundry room were downright scary. I remember that date because two days later, November 8, was Aaron’s birthday. Gary and I met at Lowe’s after he got off work on Tuesday night, where we found our dream machine, got it ordered, and were told that delivery would be on Thursday.
Thursday was the day we were having two of Aaron’s favorite friends over for a birthday supper, so I knew I would be home most of the day as I got things ready. It was also the day that Aaron woke up in a very wet bed, so it became the day of a huge mound of wet bedding piled near our dead washing machine, waiting on our brand new dream machine. And friends coming for dinner.
So I prayed as I made apple pie….Aaron’s birthday “cake” of choice. I asked God to please let the dream machine come sooner than the possible delivery time given to us, which was between 12:00 and 4:00, and usually means it might be there by 6:00 – with friends coming for supper and with Aaron very picky about his bedding and covers being JUST right. It was shortly after 11:00 when I asked God for this kindness…not really near the expected delivery time. But don’t you know, that within two minutes my phone rang and it was the delivery guys asking if it would be ok to come early!
I almost said, “Amen!! You come right on over!” I didn’t because I wanted my dream machine delivered and was afraid I would scare them away, but I did share with them God’s sweet provision and answer to prayer as they installed my dream machine. One man smiled as he worked and the other said, “God is still on His throne!” I did say “Amen!” to that!
I’ve loved that new washing machine. The tub is so large that I have to stand on my tiptoes to reach the bottom of it, but does it ever hold big loads, like bedding! And often I think back to that sweet answer to prayer on my very busy day….how God provided the dream machine in the first place, and then gave it to me early when I asked. I love those “simple” and kind answers to prayer.
So fast forward to December 22, the Friday before Christmas, when Aaron woke up in an even wetter bed than the one of the month before. Seizure? I didn’t hear one. More likely just too much drinking water before bed. Regardless, everything needed washing on the VERY busy day of cleaning and cooking before the kids came in and our Christmas began. Oh well, nothing to do but DO what needed doing…and I had my wonderful new dream machine, remember?
I was thankful for that extra large tub as I loaded Aaron’s wonderful waterproof mattress pad and sheets into it, and then went about my other work for the day. But when I went back to check on that first load, I found it to be dripping wet. “Oh dear,” I thought. “What could be causing that?” I had washed heavy loads before with no problem. I set the load on a rinse and spin cycle, but still had the same dismal results when I checked it later. Setting it again, I watched closely and found that water wasn’t entering the tub, and the tub wasn’t spinning. Nothing in the manual helped and nothing I did worked, so I was stuck with all of Aaron’s bedding in another huge pile, and very wet bedding in my dream machine.
Gary worked and worked on that machine when he came home, to no avail. I did manage to get the very wet items dried in our dryer, but still had piles of laundry at the end of the day. Gary called Lowe’s and a repairman was scheduled, but not until Wednesday…which this year was our Christmas Eve.
Bless his heart, Gary insisted on taking all the laundry to the laundromat on Saturday morning. Aaron helped him carry the bags out to his truck, and before too long Gary was back with lots of wet laundry to be dried.
And when the repairman came on Wednesday, he found the problem but told us he wouldn’t be able to come back with the needed part until January 2nd.
So we have lots and lots of laundry sorted and piled on now empty beds since all the kids have come and gone after Christmas. Of course, that means extra bedding and extra towels waiting to be washed in my dream machine that has turned into a little of a nightmare, honestly.
I went from happily sharing this evident answer to prayer to scratching my head at the failure of it. Not the failure of God, mind you, but the failure surrounding this provision…my dream machine!
But through this really simple annoyance, God has spoken to my heart. How many times He has clearly answered my prayers, only to also lead me to…at times…a hard place where I must trust Him. It’s so easy to praise Him for clear answers, but sometimes difficult to trust His sovereignty when the answers aren’t a bed of roses.
Today’s answers to prayers don’t guarantee a carefree tomorrow.
But always…ALWAYS…God DOES answer. His answer may contain trials, but He also ALWAYS has a reason for those trials.
Gary and I were married over five years before Aaron was born. I wondered if I would ever have a baby. That positive pregnancy test was one of the happiest days of my life! We thanked God over and over!!
So fast forward to now, 33 years later. When I held baby Aaron, I never dreamed of seizures and autism and behaviors and our son still with us at his age. And like my broken dream machine, our dreams for Aaron have certainly taken a different turn. Aaron isn’t broken. He is just the way that God designed him to be. But my dreams were broken. Our amazing answer to prayer has also carried with it a huge element of grief and testing.
Yet I know…I KNOW…that God is in control. With His blessing of Aaron in our lives has also come some brokenness. Our life is on a far different path than we had ever envisioned. But on that path has also come tremendous cause for trust in God…which teaches us patience…waiting…and then peace. God’s sweet peace amid the piles of pain and mess that sometimes surround our days.
I shouldn’t be focusing on the ANSWER to my prayers, but on the God behind that answer.
And in that focus…in God alone…I can rest and I can trust.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:1,10)
He Said What?! 