I Don’t Hold My Breath

It started last week with some strange pains in my chest.  The pains didn’t seem to be heart related but they were disconcerting regardless.  I talked to my doctor’s nurse, who spoke with my doctor, and I got some advice along with an appointment to see her.

Yesterday, after conversation and an exam, I found myself being ushered to various rooms.  Labs…chest X-Ray…EKG…a CT Angiogram…and all the waiting that is an inevitable part of the whole process.

After my CT scan, I was led to another waiting area.  For a long time, I sat there by myself.  There was a small, tall table beside me.  I hadn’t paid it much attention.  I was looking at the other table across the room and for some reason wondered if the one beside me matched it.  So I leaned forward to look at the table next to me.  Then I saw it…the Bible laying on the little table. 

I felt compelled to pick it up and to open it.  I have opened my Bible often in my life at times like this…times of stress and concern.  I have never been disappointed in what God has to say to me when I look down and start reading. 

I opened the Bible.  I looked down to find myself in the book of Job.

I was a little let down.  I mean, why couldn’t it have been the Psalms?  Not that Job doesn’t have words of God’s encouragement, but the Psalms are stuffed full of really great verses that are meant for these moments of uncertainty such as I was feeling. 

 I started reading chapter 12.  Just look at these verses!  Job was speaking:

“But ask the beasts, and they will teach you;

    the birds of the heavens, and they will tell you;

 or the bushes of the earth, and they will teach you;

    and the fish of the sea will declare to you.

 Who among all these does not know

    that the hand of the Lord has done this?

 In his hand is the life of every living thing

    and the breath of all mankind.”

Job looked at his terrible suffering and could still say that the Lord’s hand had done that.  He knew, and said that even animals and nature know, that all of life is in God’s hand.

But I was blown away by that last line.  The breath of all mankind is in God’s hand. 

I had been given breathing instructions in every exam and test that morning.

 Take a deep breath.  Now let it out. 

Take a deep breath and hold it. 

You may breathe normally now.

Hold your breath.

Now breathe.

And as I sat there waiting on test results, wondering if something serious was wrong, God so gently reminded me that He was holding my very breath in HIS hand.

If something was wrong with me, could I say like Job did that God’s hand had done that?  The same hand that held my breath could do with me what He wanted, but whatever it was that He did would be good. 

Did I really believe that?

It turned out that the radiologist that we were waiting on to read the CT results was gone.  I sat there for an hour only to be told to go home and results would come in later. 

It would have been easy to be frustrated by that…to feel like I had just wasted an hour, hungry and tired and with no results.

But I look at it as a sweet gift from God, that time of opening a random Bible and listening to what God had to say to me in that dismal waiting room. 

Right now it seems like I am fine, and I’m thankful for that.

But most of all I’m thankful for God sitting with me in that waiting room.

 Thankful for the very timely reminder that every breath I take is in His hand.

And on the day I take my last breath, I’ll be holding His hand. 

Author: Patty hesaidwhatks

I'm Patty and I write about our adult son who has Epilepsy and Autism, who still lives with my husband and me, and who is a package full of many surprises and joys and challenges and TALK! Lots of talking, which creates laughter and some other reactions as well. I also write about how God shows Himself to me in everyday life.

28 thoughts on “I Don’t Hold My Breath”

  1. Patty, God does have you in his hands. So wonderful your doctor had a Bible in the waiting room. May the Lord bless and keep you. May his face shine upon you and grant you his shalom–whole and complete with nothing missing or broken. Love and peace!

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  4. Peace in the midst of the unknown. God’s peace. The best peace. Aren’t you glad you picked up that Bible? I’ve been practicing slowing my breathing to lower my heart rate, so your words were just what I needed today, dear friend. My breath, your breath, each one is in God’s hands. Thanks for sharing this, Patty, and I’m praying for you and your sweet family. Hugs across the miles!

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  5. Oh, my goodness! How precious is our Lord to give you those exact words, exactly as you needed them. I’m so thankful you are okay, and I pray whatever happened the doctor is able to pinpoint and recommend whatever you need for the cause. This is another beautiful example we need to turn to the Lord in all things. Thank you Patty for allowing the Lord to inspire and comfort you, and for sharing that peace with us. Amen.

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    1. Thank you, Cecilia! Yes, it was a little scary. An embolism was a big concern, and one of the blood tests pointed to that possibility but a clot wasn’t seen on the CTA. Strange. But I’m thankful that things seem fine right now, and that God used that experience to be such a sweet comfort to me. I appreciate you, and pray that Danny and you both are still doing well.

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      1. Praise the Lord for no clots! My mantra through this cancer journey is God always has the final say. I’m so thankful everything was checked thoroughly and all is well. Truly, I know this was a big “breathe out” moment for you and your family! Praying for your wellness!

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  6. Hello Patty,

    We have an awesome and loving God for sure. Thank you for this sweet story this morning that reminds me, every breath I breathe God is near. So near he holds me! Praying for you…your doctor’s…and the test results that will give you information for your good.

    Much love, Jodé

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  8. God is so good Patty. What a beautiful testimony of how He affirmed to you His presence every step of your exam and how He blessed your decision to turn to the Bible, pick it up, and read it. Praying that the Lord is blanketing you with His peace as you await the results.

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  9. I love stories like this–and how many of them there are among our family, friends, in the books we read, and in blog posts! Over and over again the experiences prove: “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you” (Psalm 9:9-10). Thank you for sharing your story, Patty. You put a smile on my face as I thought, “Yes! That’s exactly what our Heavenly Father would do–surprise this blogger-friend with a special verse from an unexpected place!” Newly fortified with this encouragement, may you take fresh joy in every breath you take!

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  10. This is so beautiful Patty. How amazing that the Bible was right next to you. God works in wonderful ways especially in a time of needed comfort. Are you ok? I haven’t had time to look at fb much lately.

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    1. Hey, Barbara! I seem to be fine. I’ll message you more, although you have all you need on your plate right now. You and Steve are in our prayers. I pray for his healing and I pray for God’s comfort to be deeply felt by both of you. Love you! ♥️♥️

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  12. Wow what beautiful timing for those verses!! Thankful for your example of placing hope and certainty that God knows what He’s doing no matter the circumstances. Praying all is well now!!

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