Smooth…..It…..Over

Be the one to make things right. Be the one to show kindness. Be the one to reach beyond harsh words and simply smooth it over. Is it easy to do? No. Is it right to do? Yes!

He Said What?!

I’m sitting at our neighbor’s house, surrounded by the unfamiliar noises of a house that I do not know.  Around me are many treasures that have been accumulated in the sixty-eight years of marriage that this couple have known.  These items mean nothing to me beyond the fact that some are beautiful, some are unique, and some are mysterious.  But each one is very important to Don and Nora, just as Don and Nora are of supreme importance to each other. 

Don is 87 years old.  He and Nora have been extremely close for all their marriage, I would dare say.  They are never apart, and if you saw them in the aisle of our nearby grocery store they would more than likely be holding hands at some point.  Nora speaks loudly so that Don, who has refused to get hearing aids, can…

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Green Coffee and A Good Book!

I just wanted to quickly share with you the day that I shared with Aaron this week.  On Tuesday, he had a dentist appointment so of course that also meant that we ate out for lunch.  He came out to the van carrying his new book that he got for his birthday.  He hasn’t been reading much lately, so when my niece had an Usborne party I ordered Aaron a few books.  The one he chose to read first is about true survival stories.  I thought he might like that subject, and I believe I chose well.

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We ended up at our new IHOP for lunch.  It’s near our dentist’s office, I had a free coupon, and Aaron was agreeable.  Perfect!

We ordered some coffee right away on that cold, drizzly day.  I poured some creamer into Aaron’s coffee, under his watchful gaze, and then he thought that Mom might need some further instruction.

“Can we twirl it and make it green?” he asked in all seriousness.

Interpretation:  Could I stir the creamer into the coffee?

Further interpretation:  Aaron is color blind, so just like my dad – the light brown color of coffee with stirred-in creamer is…green. 

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I didn’t even bat an eye at that, but I did chuckle. 

Aaron is so unique on several levels, that’s for sure!

He finally narrowed down his food choice after much discussion, turning of menu pages, and closely examining every available picture. 

Fried Chicken Breasts….crunchy!

Mashed Potatoes.

No.  French Fries.

No.  Back to Mashed Potatoes!

No Broccoli.  (But broccoli came anyway and it was the first thing he ate.)  (Only one food at a time for Aaron.)  (You never mix foods!!)

Honey Mustard sauce for dipping the crunchy Fried Chicken Breasts.

And…the requisite Side Salad, with NO croutons.

So after the lunch was ordered and his coffee was a comforting green, Aaron reached over and took his book that he had carried in with him, opening it to the first chapter. 

He was serious in his reading, and the quietness of those few moments was very unusual for me.  No talk of aliens…Captain James T. Kirk…Darth Nihilus…Malek…  Just quiet reading.

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I loved it!!

And then his salad came, so the True Stories of Survival book was closed after he carefully inserted his bookmark…a random card of some sort that he had scarfed at some business and put into his pocket. 

Every bite of salad and broccoli and mashed potatoes and chicken was eaten and totally enjoyed, as well as more green coffee.  Aaron was very happy!

Off we drove to the dentist, where Aaron marched in with not only his new book, but also a DVD and a CD that he wanted to have close by for some reason.  He immediately claimed his couch, crossed his leg, and opened his books.  He was very serious and full of purpose.

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Until he spied Tammy behind the counter!

Fresh ears!!

So up he hopped and with even more purpose, while ignoring my pleas for him NOT to bother the staff, he proudly showed her his new book.

He told her to read it.  And she, as patiently as if she had all the time in the world, opened his survival stories book.  She read a little, turning the page, and expressing great interest in his book.

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And Aaron expressed his great excitement by rubbing his hands together in typical Aaron fashion.

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“Read it!” he kept insisting.

But I kept insisting that he let Tammy get back to her job, so he finally took the book while Tammy told him how interesting it was.

And I was thinking of how interesting Aaron is!  And how interesting he makes my life as he takes me along with him in every unusual and unique moment.

He wanted to read his book while he got his teeth cleaned.  But the logistics of that wasn’t going to work, he realized, so he was content to supervise me as I put the book on the windowsill along with the DVD and the CD.  But only after Shelly, his hygienist, had also taken a look at the first pages of his very important new book.

God bless the kind staff who didn’t act the least bit hurried or uninterested!

And God bless Aaron, who makes normal old IHOP and dental visits anything BUT!!

And who gives us yet another of our very own survival stories! 

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The Best Gifts Aren’t Wrapped!

Aaron had a birthday last week…his #33!!  My goodness, when did THAT happen?!  Of course, you know what that makes me…but since I’m the one choosing the subject of this blog, I choose not to choose to talk about ME, and MY age!!

Aaron unabashedly loves his birthday.  It’s one of the treasures of his way of thinking, that he doesn’t outgrow the pure joy of his special day.  Yet he also shies away from too much attention, too much hilarity, too much of anything that makes him feel like he must do something that he’s not quite sure how to do.  Yet this year, he was more relaxed with all the excitement and well wishes from others.  He showed it in several ways that were out of his norm, and it was wonderful to see. 

Yet the very best part of his birthday were the gifts.  Oh, I’m not talking about his presents and cards from family and friends…though they were great, and Aaron loved every single one. 

The absolute best part of this birthday, as the celebrating carried over for several days, was for me to sit back and watch the priceless gifts from some amazing people in his life.  I’ll try to let my pictures do most of the talking.  And speaking of talking, I did not get pictures of him talking to his sister, Andrea – or his Aunt Sandra.  But the smiles on his face and the conversations were very sweet indeed…even when he interrupted Andrea in the middle of her sentence to give me back the phone.  We got a great laugh out of that one!

His long and special friendship with Rosa continues as each year they make time to share their birthdays with each other at Chili’s.  Rosa’s mother, Louise, has become a dear friend of mine, as well.  They are a gift!

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I think it was Rosa who suggested that the servers sing to Aaron.  And Aaron, who has never wanted that attention, agreed to it.  Their gift to Aaron was fun…our server there in the middle was wonderful…and look at the joy on Aaron’s face.

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What can beat the gift of sharing birthday ice cream with your very special friend?

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On his actual birthday, Aaron agreed to take cupcakes to his day group.  He has NEVER wanted to do that!  I was so happy! 

We stopped at Sam’s on our way to Paradigm. Aaron, in his typical way, grabbed the attention of someone who works there and asked them where the cupcakes were.  That someone was one of the butchers, and as I tried to tell Aaron and the butcher that I knew where the cupcakes were, Aaron excitedly said to him, “TODAY is my birthday!!”  So this very kind young man told Aaron to meet him at the bakery down the aisle, and he gave Aaron two free cookies.  Look at the joy!

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There is the gift of the very patient therapy dog at Aaron’s day group.

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And the gift of our own Jackson that we took on a walk that afternoon.

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There was the look of total delight as he held his sister’s gift to him.

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And laughter as he later opened his brother’s Artsy Fartsy card…complete with fartsy sound effects.

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There was the gift of Barb, from Paradigm…and her daughter, Casady, coming for lasagna.

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And Aaron wanting Casady to help him open a gift.

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One of the most touching pictures on his birthday was this picture, sent to me by Barb…taken at Paradigm…of Aaron and his friend, Koren, with good old Piper.  To me, it sums up how impacting and touching are the friends in Aaron’s life. 

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How much our special one’s desire to have love! 

How many ways that love can be shown in their lives, even by perfect strangers! 

 Aaron may not always give a verbal thank you very easily, but the smiles on his face last week told it all. 

And that is a wonderful gift for me and Gary as well.

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Matters of the Heart

Aaron turns 33 today! This post written several years ago is still so true today, and always will be. I hope you’ll read this and know that God never makes mistakes.

He Said What?!

Aaron is now 27 years old.  I know that he is a man, a grown man, and that fact is very hard to imagine.  28 years ago Gary and I were anxiously awaiting the birth of our first child.  I had made all the yellow gingham nursery curtains, bumper pads, changing table covers, and decorated with yellow, fluffy duck decorations.  Everything was as I wanted it.  And even though I went into labor 3 weeks early and Gary had just changed out of his flight suit when he rushed me to the hospital, we were really ready – for the most part – or so we thought.  What new parents can ever be really ready for the responsibility that awaits them?  And what new parents can ever comprehend the depth of love that washes over you when you first hold that little part of both of you?  Aaron was so little…

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Things Done Well

I’m sitting here in the few moments I have before I wake Aaron up for the day, listening to my Dino Piano Pandora radio station.  The song?  “For I know, whate’er befall me, Jesus doeth all things well.”  Old language, yes, but beautiful in its reality for all of us who know Jesus.  He DOES do all things well, whether it’s in His beautiful creation all around us…or our new day that stretches before us. 

None of us knows what a day will hold.  But we do know that God holds us and holds this day close to His heart.  He ordains and directs every minute.  It’s up to me to claim this reality, no matter how large or how small are my moments in this day. 

Aaron provides both of those kinds of moments for me…large and small.  I never know when I open his door to wake him up just what our day will entail.  Happy Aaron?  Angry Aaron?  Sad Aaron?  Giving Aaron? 

It’s always a balancing act, based largely on Aaron’s attitude but really, even more so on mine.  It’s sometimes tough, really tough, to be patient and kind when Aaron is anything BUT that!  I often blow it.  But God is faithful and patient with me, and to Aaron, and for that I am very thankful.

Aaron asked on Sunday if he could take flowers to his favorite Paradigm staff and second mom, Barb.  So on Monday he fought off the early morning grouchies as I reminded him of his flower plan.  And later, after I checked the wait time, I threw in a haircut to boot.  Now I had a very happy Aaron!

A haircut and beard trim improved his looks, and then picking out some flowers at Dillon’s improved his Monday attitude.  A cup of coffee from Quik Trip finished it off perfectly!

Of course, he wanted me to go in with him to Paradigm and watch him give Barb the flowers.  When we walked into her office, we found her on the phone so Aaron had to wait – which is something he rarely does well.  But there stood Ashley, his friend…or I should say, his “sometimes” friend.  They sure can go around at times, getting very angry with each other, but look at what they did that morning.

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A HUG!!  So sweet!  And so unexpected that even Barb, though on the phone, reacted as I did.  “Awwww!” we both expressed. 

And then when Barb was off the phone, the happy flower giving took place, with more “Awwwws,” and smiles, and hugs.  I drove away with a peaceful heart.

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I picked him up that afternoon, still happy and with tales of all the French fries he ate for lunch.  At least that’s the story he told me.  I never quite know if his food exploits are all true, because sometimes he loves to give away money as much as he loves to give away flowers.  He knows that giving away money is not allowed, so he’s become adept at telling me what he knows I want to hear instead of telling me what he really did with his money.  In other words, he has become a gifted liar at times, sad to say.

So I balanced my skepticism of his story with relief at seeing him so happy, not wanting to discourage him or accuse him, yet still driving home the point that I do hope he really DID eat French fries.  But he was already off on his next topic, reminded by his food story that the next day was doctor appointment day…and doctor appointment day means eating out day.  Doctor visits take a major back seat to the real purpose…for Aaron…of doctor days.  They are restaurant decision days!!

Aaron had a difficult time getting out of bed the next morning for his doctor appointment.  It didn’t matter that I had well prepared him the night before concerning the time we would need to leave.  He finally was able to push back the covers, take a shower (possibly! I never know for sure!), drink his coffee, and climb in the van.

I could tell that Aaron was very, very tired.  On many days, he seems to be over-drugged.  Sluggish…slurred speech…very heavy eyelids…wobbly in walking.  This doctor day was such a day for Aaron, but I was actually glad.  Now the doctor could hopefully see what I have told him…that I think Aaron’s weight loss is impacting his medicine dosage.   

Again, more of what we must balance with Aaron.  Seizure control balanced with his ability to function as normally as possible.  Medicine’s benefits balanced with sometimes detrimental side effects.

Aaron is on a new seizure drug since his hospital stay in May for his video EEG.  His seizures are much better on this new drug.  We increased the dosage after one month, but then a few weeks ago we had to decrease the dose back again after he became too slow and sleepy.  Yet still, Aaron continues to have many days and moments of still acting like he is too drugged.

Aaron was still droopy and tired when we arrived at the doctor’s office.  Even seeing some of the staff dressed for Halloween didn’t inspire much of a response. 

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This look at Aaron shows how he really felt that morning.

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The weight loss combined with the tiredness did concern the doctor.  He is used to listening to Aaron talk about Independence Day movies or Captain James T. Kirk or Darth Nihilus, but there was none of that on this visit.  We will be slowly decreasing one of Aaron’s main seizure drugs to see if that will help.  Another decision to make…another issue to balance.

And Aaron had most definitely made his restaurant decision!  No amount of sluggishness could dampen his usual eating-out enthusiasm.  His choice?  Denny’s!! 

He was at first cold from the weather and slow in his reactions…

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But that soon changed as he drank some coffee, ate his favorite side salad with no croutons, finished off his French fries after methodically dunking each one into his honey mustard sauce, and then successfully tackled his stack of chicken strips.  If we ate out like that every day he just might gain back some of that lost weight!

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Watching Aaron for just those two days reminded me again that we have many sides to our complicated son.  In less than 48 hours we saw highs and we saw lows.  We saw progress and we saw some steps backward.  We smiled and we frowned.  We felt relief and we felt our hearts grow a little heavier with nagging worries. 

I remember once when Aaron wasn’t feeling well.  He asked me if he had a seizure during the night, so I told him that he had a small one. 

“That’s probably what’s with me today,” he replied.

Aaron’s epilepsy and autism are certainly with him every day.  And in extension, these issues are with Gary and I every day.  But remember the song I was listening to earlier?  “For I know, whate’er befall me, Jesus doeth all things well.” 

Sometimes the things He “doeth” aren’t what I would do, but I’m not in charge.  God is!  I know He loves Aaron, and loves Gary, and loves me.  All that God does, He does well.  I may not see it as well now, or feel it, or like it, but in my heart and my head I do know that all…ALL…He does and allows, is well and good. 

And THAT truth is really what I want to stay with me today, and every day!

 

 

 

 

When The Unexpected Becomes Reality

I was at my neighbor’s house last Thursday morning as her movers were loading all of her belongings that she was moving to her new assisted living home.  I had run back over to our house to get Aaron and deliver him to meet his day group.  That’s when I got the text from Gary…..as I got Aaron off his computer, let Jackson out to do his business, and quickly checked to see if Aaron had taken his pills.  Gary’s text said, “I’m OK.  Small plane crashed on our building.”

What?!  I looked at the picture he sent, but the seriousness of the situation didn’t hit home with me even then.  I had no idea of how tragic and awful it really was.  But later, as we got Nora moved into her apartment, our other neighbor hooked up her television and turned on the local channel.  There was live coverage for the rest of the day……and I was so thankful that Gary had taken the time to text earlier to let me, Andrea, and Andrew know that he was safe. 

Four people were killed, we found out as the day wore on……the pilot, and three people inside a simulator where the plane had crashed.  I couldn’t imagine the fear I would have experienced if I had not known that Gary was safe from the beginning.  My heart goes out to the families of those who died.  Who would ever imagine that you would go to work one day in Wichita and have your building hit by a plane?   Who would ever imagine getting that horrible visit from a chaplain bearing that terrible news?  And I knew it could easily have been me that received that news…..me that was left without a husband…..my kids left without their dad.

We don’t know, do we, what a day will hold.  A couple days before the plane crash, I was nearly involved in a serious car accident…..but it didn’t happen.  Gary could have been killed on Thursday in the FlightSafety building……but it didn’t happen.  What if it HAD happened, though?

 Like it happened with Mary…..a mom I know who is in her early 30’s.  Less than two weeks ago, she was leaving a movie theater with her four young children, one a two month old, and she had a major stroke. 

Like it happened with our good friends, David and Jennifer, the day after the plane crash.  David’s dad was scheduled to come home after routine pacemaker surgery, but instead that morning he suddenly died……without warning…..totally unexpected.

Like it happened that same day with other good friends whose daughter-in-law and two grandchildren were involved in a serious front end collision on their way to spend the weekend with a friend.  They survived, thank the Lord. 

What do we do when the unthinkable DOES happen?  What do we do when the unexpected becomes our reality?

When we feel like we’ve been hit in the gut and we can’t breathe, the only thing to do is fall back into the arms of God.  How do we do THAT?  By making a conscious decision to trust Him, and to remember Who He is and what He has promised us.  Alec Motyer says, “When the trial comes that prompts the unbelieving ‘Why?’ we must rather drill our minds to hear the call for faith, to recall the Lord’s promises, and cast ourselves utterly onto the reliable rock of His Word.

A couple days after the plane crash, a friend called me.  She was so thankful that Gary wasn’t killed or injured.  She made the comment that we all often hear…..”God is so good.”  And I have to ask myself…..if Gary had been killed or badly injured, could I still say, “God is so good?”  I pray that I could and that I would still declare the goodness of God no matter my personal outcomes, for God’s goodness doesn’t change because He might allow me to go through some tough times.  Paul told Timothy that God remains faithful, and I hope that through my pain and grief I would be able to say and believe the same.

This is why it’s so important to learn who God is now……to know his attributes BEFORE the traumas hit.  Our Wichita first responders had just participated in a mock plane crash drill a month before the plane hit FlightSafety.  This drill helped them be better prepared for the real thing.  Likewise, I know that I need to daily trust God in the many events of my life and to learn His character, so when the really hard times come I am better prepared to draw on what I have already learned about God.

“How blessed are all who take refuge in Him,” David said in the Psalms.

Not spared…..but blessed and held.

The Raging Waves

I remember so clearly the first time I saw the ocean.  There I was, a little West Virginia mountain girl, on our family’s first beach vacation trip.  We had driven from southern West Virginia down to South Carolina’s Myrtle Beach, where we stayed for one week.  I don’t recall how old I was.  I do know that I ran down to the sandy beach and was just awestruck by what I saw and heard.  The ocean went on forever!  And the noise of the waves was both intimidating and amazing.

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I felt small in front of such unending power!  And I definitely felt small when later, either on that trip or another family vacation to the beach, an undertow pulled me out into the water.  I was terrified and helpless!  And ever so thankful when my brother-in-law swam out to me and pulled me to shore!

I’ve never forgotten the power of that ocean.  That experience gave me a healthy respect for deep water and the danger that it can carry.

I recently wrote about Israel’s deliverance by God from Egypt, and how God brought them to the brink of the Dead Sea.  How terrified and angry they were as they stood there, helplessly, in front of this impossible situation!  And God had LED them to it!  Of course, we know that God also led them THROUGH it.

This morning I read in Joshua 3 about the children of Israel finally reaching the promised land of Israel.  And sure enough, there in front of them lay another watery obstacle…..the Jordan River.  And the Jordan wasn’t just any old small, crossable river at this time of year.  Instead, God brought them to the Jordan during it’s annual flood stage.  The river was a huge, raging torrent – very wide and full of masses of swirling vegetation underneath the impossible current.

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We, once again, know the story.  God gave instructions to Joshua and to the people about crossing the scary waters of the Jordan River.  “By this you shall know that the living God is among you,” Joshua told the frightened people.  “God WILL deliver the enemies from before you!”

So God instructed the Ark of the Covenant to go first, and for the people to follow.  God going first.  As soon as the priest’s feet hit the Jordan’s torrent, the waters parted and all the people crossed over on dry ground.

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We sometimes wonder why God leads us the way He does.  Why not just lead Israel around to the promised land on the “dry way?”  Why does God seem to want to do things the hard way?

Well, if we never experienced the terrifying power of the waves in our lives, we would also never experience the redeeming power of our God.  We all at times feel like the Psalmist in Psalm 93:

“The floods have risen up, O Lord.  The floods have roared like thunder; the floods have lifted their pounding waves.  BUT mightier than the violent raging of the seas, mightier than the breakers on the shore – the Lord above is mightier than these!”

As a child of God, you can know that God has a purpose for everything in your life…even the awful junk that seems so unfair and hurtful and wrong.  Sometimes He allows some things to happen that we don’t understand…things that even make us question where He is, or why He let it happen.

We must cling to the fact that God is sovereign, even when we’re hurting and angry and doubting.

Look at Psalm 92:1-2:

“It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to the Most High.  It is good to proclaim your unfailing love in the morning, your faithfulness in the evening.”

So we wake up in the morning, thanking God for loving us.  And at the end of the day, no matter what rivers and oceans we encounter, we can say that God is faithful.  He is faithful to lead us, to keep us, and to eventually deliver us.  He is faithful when we don’t feel it, see it, or understand it.  We KNOW He is, and we at times have to cling to what we know even if it’s not what we feel.

Remember that God went first into the water and told Israel to follow.  And likewise, God goes first before us into the turmoil that we face, leading our way and wanting us to trust and follow Him.

God is mightier than any raging waves of life that threaten to pull us under.  Never doubt that for a minute!

Never doubt HIM for a minute!

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