Month: August 2026

Working in the Dark

A couple months ago I looked out our kitchen window above our sink.  And there, to my dismay, was a tunnel web built by a hard-working spider.  The web was between our window and the screen.

Now spiders and I don’t get along too well.  Yet, despite my instinct to get rid of that spider and his web, I had a degree of respect for his hard work and so I let him stay. 

He was very industrious.  He built his web larger and longer as time went by.  One recent day, as Gary worked outside, he decided to use his blower to get rid of the web and hopefully the spider.  Good-bye spider.  Time to go!

But the next morning I went to the window and there was a fresh new web.  That spider had worked during the dark night to rebuild his web and start over.  Impressive, I must say.

I thought of this as I remembered a devotional I had read not long ago from Streams in the Desert.  The author talked about how the children of Israel came to the Red Sea after God led them out of Egypt.  Their situation seemed hopeless at that point.

But God sent a strong east wind all that night and caused the sea to part.  He gave a cloud that provided light and led the Israelites through the sea on dry land.

All seemed lost, but God worked in the night.  The dark didn’t stop Him.

Our dark times don’t stop God, either.  We may not see what He is doing but He has not quit working His best in our lives during the dark times.

In fact, it’s during those times when I can’t see Him working that my trust in Him has grown. 

I don’t have to see His work to trust that He IS working. 

If my trust depends on my sight, then I’m not trusting Him.  I’m trusting what I can see. 

In the morning, I saw how hard our spider worked during the night.

Likewise, someday I’ll see how hard God has worked in my dark times.

“For You light my lamp; the Lord my God illumines my darkness.”   (Psalm 18:28)

Aaron’s Move: It’s Easier There

Aaron called me first thing this past Friday morning.  He calls first thing every morning from his group home.  We’re very glad we bought him a cell phone, but still…..

His voice was low and flat.  He immediately told me the reason.  He was having some intestinal problems.  This is nothing new for Aaron but it’s the first time he was having to deal with this issue at his group home.

“Mom?” he asked.  “Can I come home?  It’s easier there.”

I was still rubbing sleep from my eyes and wasn’t mentally prepared to wisely deal with this, much less handle the onslaught of my sudden emotions.

I did know, though, that this was our first test.  And as Aaron and I talked, I also knew that if I caved, I wouldn’t be allowing the staff both at this group home and at his day group the opportunity to handle this problem.

Going against my mother’s heart, I encouraged him to let the staff help him even as I tried hard to swallow the lump in my throat.

I could not let Aaron sense that I was upset.

He protested even as I portrayed over the phone my confidence that he would be fine. 

Fake confidence, honestly.  Not that I don’t trust the staff at his home and day group.  They are wonderful.

But letting go of Aaron like this is hardest on me. 

My phone soon rang again.  One of the staff was asking in the background where Aaron’s clean sheets were.  I could hear her and others comforting Aaron as they assured him that they were there to help.  They changed his sheets and took care of everything.

At Paradigm, his day group, the nurse gave Aaron some medicine and let him stay in her building for awhile.  He called later and sounded much better.  He even went on the outing that day and had a good time.

I understand that the pull of home hits Aaron at times, especially when he’s physically struggling.  That pull affects me even harder because it hits my mama heart.  I must go against my instincts, but I know it’s best for Aaron in the long term to learn that his staff will now care for him during these times.

He’s not the only one who needs to see this.  I do as well. 

It would have been easier at home, yes, but would not have been the best decision.

Talking about this first test still makes me cry but I also know that we passed the test not only because of the caring staff supporting Aaron, but also because of our caring God Who is walking beside us at each step.

And because of each of you who are praying and lifting us up.

Thank you so very much!

Aaron’s Move: I Wish You Were Young

Aaron is nearing one week of living in his new group home.  He has done amazingly well.  Yes, he has asked if he could come home to stay.  On Friday he called early to tell me that he didn’t want to go to his day group.  He wanted someone to come and stay with him there.  I told him he couldn’t do that and he was not very happy about that reality.  But the wonderful house staff as well as the staff at his day group helped work him through it and he had a good day.

Our sweet neighbors went to visit him yesterday afternoon.  Aaron was so surprised and happy.  Today our daughter and her family went to see Aaron.  He was super excited about that.  Ryker and Cora got to see Unkie Aaron and his new room.  Aaron was able to do his favorite thing – sharing snacks with Ryker and Cora. 

Thursday Aaron and I went to deliver for Meals on Wheels.  He got to tell all our dear clients about his new house.  We went to WalMart and out to lunch.  Aaron was happy that Dad joined us. 

Back at home, he got one of Dad’s great haircuts and shaves, I trimmed his nails, and we watched Hudson and Rex. 

When Aaron had gotten in the car that morning, the first thing he asked was if he could stay at home and not go back to his group home.  But by the time his show was over, he was ready to go back to his new room and to see Victoria.  We were so relieved and so very proud of Aaron!

Yet there are glimpses of sadness that he shows us as he adjusts to missing us and missing his home, his old life, his friends here in the neighborhood and in the stores we have frequented for years.

We got Aaron a phone and on the first day he had it a friend showed him how to FaceTime before we could do that.  He’s loving it!  He and I were on FaceTime last night.

“Mom,” he said.  “You look old, like an old lady.”

Good old honest Aaron.

“Well,” I said as I laughed, “I am old, Aaron.”

“I wish you were young,” he flatly added. “Then I wouldn’t have to be here.”

That was a gut punch for me.

You see, for a couple years we have been trying to prepare Aaron for the fact that someday he would need to move.  He didn’t like talking about that and would ask us why we would make him leave.  One reason we gave him was that we were not getting any younger and wouldn’t always be able to care for him.

He knows how to touch the deep places in our hearts without really planning to do that.  He’s just very honest with what he’s seeing and thinking. 

And that one…that really hit hard.

I stumbled around saying something that I hoped was encouraging as I blinked back tears I didn’t want him to see. 

I realize how fragile I am.  Aaron, too.  And Gary’s been hurting in a way that’s new to him. 

He told me that even though we’ve known for all these years about Aaron’s handicap, now we see it differently and more clearly than ever.  We see it in a way that shows how vulnerable Aaron is and how this huge change has rocked his stability and his comfort. 

We feel responsible for that, but we also knew that this was a decision that would ultimately need to be made one day.  It’s just that we’ve made sure Aaron was well cared for in every way for nearly 42 years.  Now he sees us as being the reason he had to move and leave us and everything he loves.

That’s a heart wrenching load to carry right now.  We know that all these feelings will ease with time for us, and we pray they ease for Aaron as well.

He really is happy where he is and we are very pleased with his progress this week.

But we can’t turn off our love for him and our concern that he knows we have not abandoned him.  We have shown him perhaps in the greatest way ever how deep our love is for him as we have given him a future that won’t depend on us being around forever.

He’ll probably never fully understand that until the time we’re all together in heaven.    

And guess what, Aaron?

I won’t ever be an old lady again! 

Aaron’s Move: Don’t Disappoint Me

Monday night was Aaron’s first night in his new home, and our first night without him in our home.  I woke up Tuesday morning, unplugged my phone to take with me, and automatically reached for Aaron’s baby monitor. 

Old habits die hard.  Fresh tears came quickly.  I had been out of bed less than a minute when I was hit full force with the reality that Aaron wasn’t here…that I didn’t need the baby monitor with me to listen for seizures. 

Then I checked my phone and saw that I had missed a call from Aaron.  His house has a phone, and I hadn’t heard his call.  I felt so terrible!

But then he called again and I quickly answered.  He sounded good, though tired.  He immediately asked when he could come home.

“For a visit?” I asked.

“No,” he answered. “To stay.”

I felt my heart being ripped out again as I told him that he couldn’t stay but that we would see him on Thursday for Meals on Wheels and lunch.

Then he asked if Gary and I could come over to his house that afternoon for a visit.  We were leery of visiting so soon, worried that it would upset him and he wouldn’t want us to leave without him.

“Aaron,” I said, “we’re afraid you’ll want to come home with us and you’ll be upset.”

“No,” he insisted, “I won’t ask to come home.  Please don’t disappoint me.”

And there went my heart and my tears, which I tried hard to hide from Aaron in my voice.

Gary and I talked about it and prayed about whether we should go see Aaron so soon.  We needed to get him a phone, and we would have to show him how to use it, so we made the decision to go and trust the Lord to let it be a good visit.

We pulled up in the driveway and soon Aaron burst out the front door.

“HEY!!” he yelled. 

“HEY!!” we yelled back.

Then came hugs and huge smiles and lots of talking.  He was so happy to see us and we were the same.  Victoria was thrilled to see us, too.  She stayed right there with us in Aaron’s room.  It was “honey this and honey that” as she talked to Aaron. 

The visit was great.  Aaron would rush in and out of his room as he talked to the staff.

“My mom said to tell you…” he would tell them. 

Or, “My mom wanted to know….”

“No, I didn’t!” I would add. 

They’re getting to know Aaron. 

As we left, Aaron gave us more hugs but didn’t ask even once if he could come home.  Gary and I drove home feeling huge relief and joy.  God gave us a very sweet gift yesterday despite our concern.

It felt so good that we didn’t disappoint Aaron.

And even better that God didn’t disappoint us.

This morning in my study of Psalms, I read chapter 6.

“I am weary with my sighing; every night I make my bed swim. I dissolve my couch with my tears.  My eye has wasted away with grief….”

“For the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping.  The Lord has heard my supplication; the Lord receives my prayer.”

“Prayer doesn’t change things, but prayer lays hold of God Who changes things and Who, in prayer, changes you.”  (Dale Davis)

This is such an important truth for those who are believers.  Sometimes the biggest change that comes when I pray isn’t that God changes my situation.  It’s that He changes ME.  As I submit to His will and His plan, even if I can’t see it…or I see it and don’t like it…He honors my trust in Him by giving me incredible peace and strength. 

Sometimes our prayers are the sound of weeping.  That’s all we can muster.

“God can even make out what your tears long for.”  (Dale Davis)

God doesn’t even need our words.  He just wants our trust.  And as I experience God’s presence and peace, I can’t help but praise Him for that.

I looked out my favorite upstairs window last night.  Once again, God didn’t disappoint.  His artistry was a beautiful ending to our day.

And the artistry of His peace for us as we see His care for Aaron and His soothing of our broken hearts is also a beautiful thing to see.

Aaron’s Move: Do I Have To Go?

Today was moving day for Aaron as he transitions to living in a special needs group home.  Gary and I have worked all week on his new room.  On Saturday we took him to see his room and to show him everything.  He was excited and had an ear-to-ear smile as he walked in his nearly finished room.  It helped that Victoria was there, too, and squealed with joy at every drawer that we opened and especially at the fun snacks we put into Aaron’s snack baskets.

But as the weekend wound down, we could also tell that Aaron was getting more apprehensive.  He saw his life changing as his bedroom at home became emptier and a strange room in another house now held his special things. 

This morning on the monitor I heard Aaron awake.  It was way before 5:00.  He was rustling things, walking up and down the stairs, took a shower, and even took his pills way too early.  It was all way too early.

He opened our bedroom door several times to see if I was awake.  Finally, as I faked sleep, he spoke to me and asked if he could have his coffee.  There was nothing to do but get his coffee and face whatever would come on this very sad morning.

I put his coffee on his nightstand. 

“Mom?” he said as I stood by his bed.  “Do I have to go?”

He was looking straight into my eyes, focused and unwavering.

God held back my tears as I answered him.

“Yes, Aaron, you have to go,” I told him with as much love as I could.

But my tears flowed as I walked back to the bedroom and sat down at my desk. 

This feels like betrayal of our special Aaron, but we know that we are only doing what is best for him. 

Sometimes what is best is not at all what is easiest.

God has so definitely opened this door for us, and we knew we should walk through it. 

Later, Aaron began bringing me items from his room that he wondered if he could take.  His TY stuffed animals.  His slippers.  His pajamas he had just worn.  His special pillows.

I had dreaded our last drive to Paradigm, his day group.  Dreaded seeing him leave.  But he wanted to go with me to Carly’s office, where he was met with big smiles and high fives and where Carly took this picture of me and Aaron.

I drove home, comforted and tear free, and so aware of God’s grace and of all the many family and friends who were praying for us today.

We got several pictures of Aaron and Victoria today, huge smiles on their faces.

Gary and I finished his room today.  We will still hang some things on his walls and are waiting on his new bed to come.

 Aaron rode to his group home with his housemates.  He called us tonight and we were like parents excited to hear from their child at camp or at college. 

But then he asked us why we made him leave.  We explained it yet again while feeling like we had abandoned him.  We know better and we hope Aaron does but oh, it hurts right now. 

The tears come and go for me and Gary.  Lots of tears.

But being in God’s will doesn’t mean we won’t have tears.

It does mean that God will hold our hands and comfort our broken hearts.

Just a bit ago I honestly thought I heard Aaron say, “Mom!” 

But his room here is empty.

He has a new room and a new life.

Yet we will always be his caregivers even though from a distance now.  Others will take over roles we have always held, and we pray they care for him well.

We know God will. 

And for that we are very thankful.