It’s been over three weeks now since Aaron moved into his group home. He has done so much better than we had feared. He has adjusted to extraordinary changes in his life. And yet….
Now that the initial excitement is over and everything is becoming more routine, he is showing some signs of stress concerning his new life. He is realizing that his living situation is long term. That acknowledgement is coming with some resentment on his part. It’s showing up in some small ways that we pray don’t grow into big issues.
Yesterday he told me that he misses my cooking. Never mind that many times in the past he was not thrilled with my dinner menu. He is conveniently disregarding that fact.
This morning he called and told me that he wants to come home to sleep in his own bed. He wanted to know why he can’t do that.
These are tricky conversations. We are broadsided with them and unsure how to answer them except to assure him of our understanding and our love.
The first Sunday afternoon that I picked him up to come home, he wanted to bring his entire basket of music CDs with him as well as several of his Handy Answer Books. He finally agreed, reluctantly and with frustration on both our parts, to bringing only a few CDs and one book.
On that day, he just wanted to stay a short time at our house. He did the same thing this past Sunday. Just a brief stay and he was ready to go back. It’s largely because all his “things” are at his group home now and so our home doesn’t feel like his home to him now.
In fact, the other day he was talking about coming home.
“When I come to….” he started. He didn’t know how to finish.
“When I come to….our old house….” he finally said.
It’s an adjustment that all of us have had to make when we have left home. It’s just extra hard for Aaron, and still very new.
We have encouraged Aaron to call his group home HIS house instead of calling it Victoria’s house. He’s getting there, but slowly.
Another aspect of Aaron’s adjustment is that he is showing more of his typical bluntness and anger. That’s because the newness is wearing off and he is feeling the stress of his new life more. He got very upset after we left him on Sunday because Victoria also left on a quick outing with her family. He called and wanted Gary and I to come back. It was so hard. We talked to him as long as we could but did not go back.
The on-call staff who is also the residential coordinator went over to help. She knows Aaron well and was a lifesaver.
In fact, both the house staff and the day group staff have been so amazing. They love Aaron, understand him, and know exactly how to work with him and help him process all the new challenges and his emotions that come as a result.
The Medical Office Coordinator made Aaron the cutest bedazzled goose to match her big one in her office that he loves.
So here we are, navigating the day-to-day as Aaron grapples with the long-term reality of his new life. This was a necessary decision we made for Aaron, but necessary decisions are seldom easy.
So many of you have helped tremendously with cards, visits, gifts, words of encouragement, and prayers.
Especially your prayers.
Sometimes I still cry, like I did yesterday during lunch with a friend.
Or sometimes at night when I pass Aaron’s dark room.
But I know that your prayers are upholding us and giving us a calm that can only be explained by God’s “peace that passes understanding.”
We are not unaware of the impact each of you is having on us and on Aaron through your love and prayers.
And for that, we thank you so much!
He Said What?! 