Category: Family

Dad’s Bible

Eight years ago today we got the news that my Dad had stepped into heaven.  And for eight years before that, Dad had fought a hard fight against the cancer that eventually took his life.  So many stories of that time in our family…..so many memories of the month I spent with him and Mom before he died.  I’ve written much about it in the past.

This past Thanksgiving our family gathered in West Virginia, in our hometown.  Some still live there in Princeton.  Others had far to travel.  It was an epic gathering, really, and the first time many of us had seen each other in years.  Mom and Dad would have loved it, we all found ourselves saying over and over.  Wouldn’t they have been so happy that we did this?!

And look how we have grown.  This picture was taken in the mid-90’s.

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The below picture was taken this Thanksgiving.  Yes, we have multiplied!  And we were missing a few who weren’t able to come!

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We had a wonderful time, all too short, of hugs and laughter and lots of talking as we tried to catch up with each other.  The day was over all too quickly.  As nice as it was, though, I felt like something was missing.  It just didn’t feel the same.  I realized, as I thought about it, that the something missing was actually someone who was missing……Mom and Dad.

In the past they were the center of everything.  Stories…..laughter……teasing……singing.  So much of that revolved around them, and now for the first time this very important part of all our lives was gone.  That was the huge difference that I felt.  It just wasn’t the same, and I guess it just couldn’t be without Mom and Dad there as our focus.

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I’ve been thinking today about Dad on this anniversary of his death.  And remembering the very poignant part of our recent Thanksgiving meal when my brother, John, read to us out of Dad’s Bible.  He told us this story before he read Psalm 145.  In John’s own words:

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Regarding Dad’s Bible, it started on Thanksgiving of ’15, when I reached up to a shelf at home to get a Bible to read Psa 145 for our family.  I knew it was Dad’s Bible, but didn’t remember that he had carefully marked his daily readings with the dates on which he read each section (including the introductory notes and the 500 pages or so of study notes at the end).  When I looked at Psa 145, I noticed he had read it on Nov 26, 2000, exactly 15 years to the day before I was set to read it to my family.  There was something about that divine intervention that touched me very deeply.  When I got ready to read the same chapter to our family this year, the thought hit me to check his detailed medical journals to see what he was experiencing at the same time he was reading those passages of praise in Psalms.  He was right in the middle of his radiation treatments from his first bout with cancer.  He had already had the surgery to remove two-thirds of his right lung, and had already finished the grueling chemo treatments.  Now as he took radiation, he was circling verses like Psa 116:6, 116:15, 121:7, 126:3, 127:3-5, 131:2a. 138:8, and 139:16.  What a window into his soul to see the verses that God was using to comfort him, giving him hope and trust in the greatest challenge of his life.  And so characteristic of Dad, he was not talking with everyone about this.  It was a very intimate journey with his Lord that bolstered his soul as his body suffered.  I found myself thanking God for the man he was, and wishing I could talk with him about that journey.  I probably missed him more then than at any time since he had died.  What a treasure, though, to have that record of his triumphant faith in the midst of adversity.

 

Isn’t that amazing?  I’m so glad John shared that with us.  Dad’s “triumphant faith in the midst of adversity” never wavered as his body wavered and finally succumbed to this disease that we all hate.  Dad remained true to the Lord, to Mom, and to his family.

And now today we five children carry with us his heritage of faith, as do many of our children and grandchildren.  I’m so very thankful for that!  Of all the many things to be thankful for this past Thanksgiving Day, that would be one of the biggest.

We miss you, Dad, but we know we’ll see you and Mom again.  Thanks for showing us the importance of following Christ, and for living out your own faith so beautifully and consistently.

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My View

I was in TJ Maxx with my elderly friend, Nora, last Wednesday when I got a call from Paradigm, Aaron’s day group.  I was tempted not to answer it, figuring it was Aaron just wanting to tell me about his day.  That could wait.  But I wasn’t sure, so I did answer and I immediately knew that the news was not good.  Aaron was on the other end, his voice thick and choked with anger and tears.  Here we go, yet again, I thought.  How I wish that Aaron could stay happy!

I picked him up as soon as I got Nora settled back at her apartment.  Aaron was asleep, so I had time to talk to the staff, all of us scratching our heads as to what caused his angry outburst that morning……and what the solution could be.  I found out from Aaron later what happened.  He tried to give his good friend two McDonald’s coupons and she didn’t want them.  She wasn’t being mean to Aaron, just honest, but Aaron felt rejected and very hurt, so he just had a total meltdown. 

Thursday was a better day for Aaron.  Then came Friday…..

I told Aaron that we would go out to eat when I picked him up at the end of his day.  His choice.  So he chose Denny’s, of course.  He does love Denny’s.  On the way to Paradigm, I talked to him about being nice…..being kind with both his words and his hands.  About talking to someone if he was angry or hurt.  He agreed with everything I said……until he walked into Paradigm.

I was waiting in the van after I dropped him off, waiting for him to come and tell me if they were going to a movie.  But instead, out the door came one of his staff.  She told me that Aaron had become verbal instantly with another client when he walked in the door.  Then out came Aaron, yelling at this staff as he stood on the sidewalk.  He eventually got in the van and off we drove.  My anger and disappointment and great frustration spilled out in harsh words as we drove toward home.  I was so mad at Aaron and mad at myself for being mad, and it just all boiled over. 

I pulled into Denny’s, deciding that it might do us both good to be in a neutral place.  Aaron sat on the curb before going in, saying that maybe he just shouldn’t go in to eat.  I told him to come on and he did, but for most of the meal I just sat silent.  I was exhausted and defeated and still battling my anger.  Aaron was scared……scared because of all the people from whom he fears rejection, he fears it the most from me.  He kept telling me that he loved me……kept trying to share his salad with me…..his crackers, French fries, chicken strips……even reached over, took my hand, and kissed the back of my hand.  Yes, he really did that.  I wonder who saw it, and what they thought of my lack of emotion? 

We ran into WalMart after our meal, where I picked up food for Thanksgiving bags for church, and Aaron tried to help.  I still felt numb, tired.  After I checked out, I looked toward the bench where Aaron was sitting, and this is what I saw.

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Then my heart did stir with sorrow for Aaron as this picture of him was a picture of dejection, and his own tiredness.  Oh Aaron, how I wish your life wasn’t so difficult and hard!  And how I wish you could understand that you so often make it that way, and yet so often you can’t control the impulses you have that make you make it that way.  It’s so complicated!

Aaron went right to bed when we got home.  I went to the patio, baby monitor and my Bible in hand.  I could listen for seizures while I spent some time unwinding and processing……reading my Bible and praying.  I could hear Aaron’s steady breathing on the monitor as I breathed out my prayer to God, asking Him for wisdom to know how to deal with these constant ups and downs from Aaron. 

I called my friend, Wendy, who walks this road that I walk.  She understands and doesn’t judge.  She offers counsel and advice, empathy and understanding.  And I know that she prays for us, for Aaron……prays with love and care.

Aaron was awake then, coming outside to test the waters……to see if Mom was still distant and angry.  He relaxed some when he could tell that I was better.  He smiled when I said that we could take Jackson for a walk around the yard.

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We walked down to the back of our yard, around the huge evergreens that hide the very back loop of our property.  It’s an area that is hidden from view as you stand on our patio or look out our windows.  You would never know it’s there until you walk behind the thick trees that keep it hidden.

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I stood looking at the eerie sight.  Branches of the old trees there hang low, gnarled together as they bend toward the ground.  A finger of the neighborhood lake curls around under the limbs, still holding water since we’ve had such a wet summer.  It’s a shadowy and dark place, a little creepy even.  It’s interesting, but not warm and welcoming……not a place I want to linger for long. 

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As we stood there, Aaron talking and Jackson sniffing the bushes and tall grass, it hit me that this is so much like our life with Aaron.  Anyone who lives with a person who has autism…..or multiple seizures…..and takes tons of meds to help them…..knows what I mean. 

Aaron is funny and smart and often kind.  But he is also prone to angry outbursts where he is hurtful and unreasonable.  For days we may mostly see the pleasant side of Aaron, but we know that hidden inside him is still the anger and the frustration that he feels, and sometimes releases.  It is not a fun place, and it is not a place where we desire to linger.  Yet sometimes Aaron makes us linger there as his brain is going through whatever his brain goes through at those times. 

I know that mentally and emotionally I must walk away from the shadows that threaten to engulf me when I am overwhelmed by Aaron’s behaviors.  He needs me, for one thing.  And I need to stay whole and strong, loving and forgiving.  It’s not easy, but I must.  Friends and family help.  A good staff at Paradigm helps.  Gary is my biggest help, taking over when I can’t.  And definitely, crying out to God helps the most. 

Aaron and I turned from that scene, finally, and went back out into the open yard…..to the sunshine and grass……to the full view of our welcoming house.  Likewise, given a little time, he and I returned to our normal relationship.  I love him dearly.  I know he needs me.  He needed me when he had three hard seizures during the night on Friday.  But he also needed me even more when he was out of control emotionally that day.  He needed me to believe in him…..to discipline him……to try to help him even when he pushes me away……to care for him and to love him.

Behaviors are perhaps the hardest part of Aaron’s disability.  They are frustrating, embarrassing, and exhausting at times.  Families who deal with this need extra love and prayer.  Staff who deal with this need the same, as well as frequent thank-you’s for what they endure. 

Aaron’s behaviors hold him back in many ways…..and could easily hold us hostage in many ways, as well.  But Gary and I know that we can’t let the dark times be our focus.  Like the staff at Paradigm says, today is a new day and we start all over.

We don’t always get to choose our view on any given day, but we don’t have to stay forever where the view is scary and dark.

“Today is the day that the Lord has made!  Let us rejoice and be glad in it!”  (Psalm 118:24)

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I’ll Go Happy

Last Monday, Aaron had a rough and grouchy day at his day group.  Sometimes we can pinpoint the cause and other times we just can’t.  I’m so thankful for the understanding staff at Paradigm.  I don’t know how they do what they do on some days, but I do know that they don’t get paid enough for all they endure on those days.  I love their philosophy:  Tomorrow is a new day and we start all over.

As I said goodnight to Aaron at the end of his rough day and gave him a hug, Aaron said, “Mom, tomorrow I’ll go happy!”

So on the next day, the new day in which we were starting all over, Aaron was indeed happy.  His attitude was entirely different than the no good very bad yesterday.  And on this better day we also got some wonderful news from our daughter in Houston.  She has a break between jobs and was coming home for a visit!!!!  Not only Andrea was coming, but also her boyfriend Kyle!!!!  Not only Andrea and Kyle were coming, but also Andrea’s two dogs and Kyle’s dog!!!!!   

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Can you tell I was excited?  You bet!  Aaron was excited, too.  He loves and misses his sister.  He’s getting to know Kyle and to realize that Kyle is a new part of our family.  But oh, I know Aaron and I know that having a house full of people and pets can be challenging for him.  We face this issue any time that we have extra people around…..extra noise……extra routine disruptions……extra attention grabbers away from our usual main attention grabber.

We work to prepare Aaron for those disruptions before they occur.  I went over several things with him, like how he would use Gary’s and my bathroom while Andrea and Kyle were here.  We talked about the dogs and how we need to act with having four dogs in the house.  I tried to cover all the bases with Aaron, but Aaron brings out new bases quite often……based on what’s happening around him at the time…..things we just can’t predict. 

I let Aaron stay home from Paradigm on the two Paradigm days that Andrea and Kyle were here.  Aaron was SO happy with that idea!!  He loved going with us to eat lunch at Freddy’s.

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He loved going for a walk in Swanson Park.

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He loved being here with us and the doggies.

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He loved us watching Independence Day Resurgence with him while he ate snacks and snacks and snacks.

He loved trying to sneak snacks and snacks and snacks to the doggies.

He loved talking to all of us, especially to Andrea and Kyle, about all his favorite topics.  And this is where we usually start seeing some issues with Aaron, because Aaron doesn’t know when to stop talking.  Sharing the stage is hard for Aaron.  He truly wants to be included in our conversations as we sit around the dinner table, for instance.  We do listen to him and try to include him, but Aaron isn’t going to talk about the subjects that we talk about. 

Here is a sample conversation:  We may be talking about Andrea’s new job or talking about Kyle’s summer at sea.  Then Aaron will loudly call one of our names.

“Andrea!!”  he says.  When she responds to him, we often hear this from Aaron:  “Ummm.  Ummm.  Ummm.”  We wait.  “Ummm.  Did you know what the Queen Alien on Independence Day Resurgence looks like?!”

“No, Aaron, I don’t know what she looks like,” Andrea answers.

“Well, she looks like a…..I don’t know.  Mom, what do you think she looks like?” Aaron asks.

So I try to answer but I don’t really know how to describe the Alien Queen because it’s been awhile since I saw that movie….and I don’t really care what the Alien Queen looks like…..and in trying to muster some enthusiasm and interest in this question that I’ve heard a hundred times, Aaron can sense a shift in my emotions.  As much as Aaron struggles with social norms, he is very adept at picking up the subtle cues that we are not as animated about Alien Queens as we are about Andrea’s job or Kyle’s schooling. 

He views our world from afar, wanting so much to enter in, but never knowing how.  But he does express his frustration by comments that we later hear.

“Mom, you didn’t want to talk to me.  You just wanted to talk to Andrea or Kyle,” he will say. 

I try to explain that we do want to talk to him but that we haven’t seen Andrea or Kyle in so long…..and we want to catch up with them on their lives…..but to Aaron that doesn’t make sense.  Round and round we go, and where we land nobody knows.  Or when we land.

Which happened on Friday during supper.  Andrea’s friend, Sarah, had come over to see Andrea and Kyle.  They sat in the family room visiting and talking and laughing.  Aaron was up in his room, then down in the family room…..up in his room, down again.  He wanted to be a part and he was in many ways.  He just can’t be the whole part and so conversation would swirl around him.  Kyle was talking and laughing at one point, and Aaron whacked Kyle’s leg with a book.  I heard it but didn’t see it.  It was a sign of things to come.  Aaron was frustrated now, truly frustrated, and when that happens he picks a target.  Lucky Kyle.

I don’t remember all the details of what happened at supper.  I was up from the table getting slices of cheesecake ready to serve.  Aaron was at a boiling point and we didn’t realize it.  His system was on overload…..his pressure gauge was maxed out…..and he erupted.  He leaned forward and yelled at Kyle. 

Aaron left the table.  We apologized to Kyle.  He was understanding and patient.  Aaron came down later and apologized.  We watched the movie later and Aaron was very happy, as if nothing ever happened.

Why do I tell you this story, one you’ve heard before if you’ve read this blog for very long?  Because this scenario is just a very real picture of how Aaron processes…..or doesn’t exactly process…..the world around him.  Our world is ticking along like normal, but Aaron’s isn’t.  He is so impacted by nuances that we don’t even notice.  Sounds…..loud laughter that he doesn’t understand…..hilarity……silliness…..his routine changing….   All these things greatly affect him, more than we can begin to know. 

So he reacts, usually loudly and hurtfully.  Then he’s sorry.  It takes great understanding, as I’ve said, to deal with this about Aaron.  He doesn’t think like we do or process as we do or react over time as we do. 

But he truly wants to. 

Andrea and Kyle left to go back to Houston the next day.  Aaron was with us in the driveway, entering into things, when Andrea asked for a hug.  Aaron ducked his head and walked away, through the garage and into the house as he muttered to himself.  A hug in front of everyone?  Are you kidding me?!  We know this about Aaron and it makes us smile.  He can yell, but spontaneous hugs are very, very difficult.

One of the first things I did after they left was to get Aaron’s things put back in his bathroom.  “Us kid’s bathroom,” he calls it.  We got his cup with his toothbrush and toothpaste put back on the counter.  We got his body wash and wash cloth back in the shower.  We hung his towel on the towel rack. 

Aaron then noticed that his razor attachments were not in the correct place.  He rearranged them the way he wanted them.  He stood back and observed the counter for a few seconds. 

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Then he said, “OK.  It’s looking good.”

That night at supper, Aaron asked the blessing.  He nearly always says two things when he prays.  He doesn’t say the same thing with each prayer, but he says two things.  On that night he said, “Lord, thank you for the food.  And thank you that Kyle and Andrea got to come.”

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Yes, it was looking good now for Aaron.  He was happy that Andrea and Kyle were here, along with Darcy and Oakley and Aries and our own Jackson.  He will be very happy when everyone comes for Christmas. 

Aaron will have every intention of saying, “I’ll go happy!” 

He’ll go happy into our family time, but it will be a time of upheaval for him and of struggle as well.  It’s up to us to understand that and to allow that for Aaron, all the while trying to help him know how to take time to decompress and not to blow up. 

Only when things are back to normal…..Aaron’s normal…..will he be able to step back and say, “OK.  It’s looking good.”

And it’s very important for us to be able to look at Aaron’s world through Aaron’s eyes, and still be able to say, “OK, Aaron.  It’s looking good.”

Let’s go happy!  It’s sometimes the hard choice, but always the best choice. 

Pass The Kleenex

Aaron has just recovered from a nasty virus.  It was nasty in more ways than one.  He felt terrible.  He had a stuffy head.  He had a sore throat.  He ran a fever.  He had some seizures.  All of this is definitely nasty.  But there is another level of nasty with Aaron when he has a cold……a level that I have written about in the past.

Aaron would not blow his nose.  We’re not totally sure why he won’t blow his nose, but he just refuses.  Therefore, as I wrote before, Aaron snorts.  It’s very disgusting and annoying.  Nasty.  For me, for Gary, and for anyone else within hearing distance.

I told Aaron over and over how much better he would feel if he blew his nose.  I finally resorted to telling Aaron over and over how much better his dad and I would feel if he blew his nose.  Aaron wasn’t particularly interested in how we felt, however, so the snorting continued.  He wasn’t even interested in the fact that blowing would help HIM feel better.

Until finally, one day, my words got through to Aaron’s stuffed up head.  He blew his nose.  He actually, for real, blew his nose.  I praised and praised him as if he was a small child who had just gone potty for the first time.  He looked at me as if I was an irritating gnat, so I backed off the vibrant praise and tried to be very flat and factual, which Aaron much prefers.

“Good job, Aaron,” I said with a level voice.  “Doesn’t that feel better?”

“Yeah,” he said as he walked away.

The next time he blew his nose, I asked to see the Kleenex.  He knew then that I had surely lost my mind, but I told him that the color of the mucus could tell us if he had an infection.

Sorry for being gross.

But Aaron held out the Kleenex very gingerly and I peeked at it, made a comment…..we don’t need details……and off Aaron went.

Aaron marked that information down, though, as a way to keep reminding us that he wasn’t feeling well.  When he’s sick, we hear over and over the same four word comment from him:  “I’m not feeling well.”

“Mom!” he said soon after the mucus color test.  “I blew my nose and it was GREEN!!  That’s how I’m not feeling well!”

I wanted to tell him that’s how I’M not feeling well now!

I heard a lot from that point on about green nose stuff.  We were still in a nasty mode, but at least it was in a Kleenex now.

Speaking of……Aaron did with his nose blowing what he does with everything in his life.  He developed his own way of doing this task.

He had to have a box of Kleenex with him at all times.  Not a few Kleenex, but a box.  A box at his desk.  A box on the end table beside his TV chair.  A box on the kitchen table while we played Skip-Bo.  A box on the nightstand beside his bed at night.

And not only a box of Kleenex.  He also had to have a trash can in which to place the dirty Kleenexes after blowing.  And not just any trash can.  It had to be his trash can from his room.  His trash can beside his desk.  His trash can beside his TV chair.  His trash can beside the kitchen table while we played Skip-Bo.  His trash can beside his bed at night.

When he finally felt better and was able to return to his day group, he was still needing to blow his nose.  By now his nose blowing was routine for him, but also done in just his routine way.  So he told me that he needed to take a box of Kleenex with him to Paradigm on his first morning back.  I agreed, and Aaron was very happy about that, as you can see.

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He marched into Paradigm that morning, box of Kleenex in tow, ready to start his new week.

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“Barb!” he said as he barged into her office.  “I’m blowing my nose!  I brought a box of Kleenex!”

Barb laughed and I explained.  She knows Aaron well enough to understand that this was a big moment for him, and to not question the box of Kleenex.

I was just thankful that Aaron didn’t insist on taking his trash can!

Aaron has blown and blown and blown this past week.  We hope his nose blowing hang ups are a thing of the past.  We definitely hope that his snorting is a thing of the past!!

And once again we just watch as Aaron decides to own something like this…..and to really make it his own, in the unique way that totally suits him.

Gary and I are once again along for the ride, shaking our heads and laughing when Aaron can’t see or hear us.  Even something as mundane as nose blowing becomes a picture of just how unique Aaron is.

Pass the Kleenex.

The BOX!!
 

Black Lettuce

There are some things that I can always count on with Aaron.  He will always write down the time he gets up in the morning and the time he goes to bed at night.  He puts these times in the notebook that he keeps by his bed, on the floor.  Always on the floor.  He will always only read at night.  He will always keep his tennis shoes on his floor in front of his trash can, placed just so-so.  He will always ask at night if it’s going to rain and if I’m going to have the monitor on, to listen for seizures.  He will always want four cups of coffee in the morning (they’re not full, but there must be four!).  He will always finish a song we’re listening to before he gets out of the van.  And he will always want a house salad when we eat in a sit-down restaurant.

In fact, as soon as his bottom hits the seat…..before our host or hostess can say a word…..Aaron looks up and says, “Can I have a house salad?!”  So I have to run interference and rescue the confused host or hostess by telling Aaron that he needs to wait to order his salad.

When the host or hostess comes back with our water, Aaron once again looks up and asks if he can have a house salad.  Never mind about ordering his meal.  His salad is of prime importance, and once it is ordered…..with Ranch dressing and no croutons…..then he can get on with the business of looking over the menu and making his meal decision.

A couple weeks ago, as Aaron ate his house salad in IHOP, he said, “I like this salad.  The lettuce is black and yellow.”

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I smiled and thought that of course the lettuce looks black and yellow to Aaron.  He’s color blind, and so not only did the lettuce look black and yellow to him, but black and yellow lettuce made perfect sense to Aaron.

Just like so many other things in Aaron’s life, I thought.  We don’t see it quite like Aaron, but to Aaron his view of things makes perfect sense.  The rest of us are left to figure those things out and understand them.

Here are some recent examples:

THE SATELLITE CLOCK!

It’s actually a satellite weather station that Aaron had on his desk.  He loved it.  He especially loved the precise time it kept, and the display of the outdoor and indoor temperature.  He kept a close eye on those temperatures.  One Saturday morning, Aaron came downstairs, looking troubled.

“Mom,” he began.  “My clock says that the temperature is 13!”

I knew he meant the outdoor temperature, because that’s the only temperature that he keeps track of.  Since it was summer, I also knew that something was very wrong with his weather station.  And since something was very wrong with his weather station, I knew that something was very wrong with Aaron’s world.  Since something was very wrong with Aaron’s world, I knew that something was about to very wrong with Gary’s and my world.  That’s how these issues work.  A domino effect, you know.

The planet was definitely out of kilter for the remainder of that day.  Aaron came downstairs repeatedly, telling us that the temperature was wrong.  I finally asked, “Aaron, can’t you just ignore the temperature?”

Aaron looked at me with no expression, but I could see that he thought I was very off balance.  “Aaron, can’t you just ignore the temperature?” I asked again.

“No,” was all he answered as he turned and walked away.  Life had become very hard for Aaron at that point.

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Gary worked on the outdoor sensor, to no avail.  Later, Aaron came back downstairs and told me that he wanted to take a nap.  I agreed, and he started to walk away.  But he stopped, turned around, and said, “I would take a nap.  It’s just that my clock says 97.”

So the temperature had jumped from 13 to 97?  Neither of those temps was correct, as Aaron knew all too well.  However, I assured him that he could really take a nap regardless of the temperature on his clock.

He turned to walk away once again, but once again stopped.  Turning around, he said, “I would take a nap, it’s just that……”  What he left unspoken spoke volumes.  It’s just that his clock was sitting on his desk showing the wrong temperature, and to Aaron that clock was screaming, “ALL IS NOT WELL IN YOUR WORLD!!!!  WE NEED TO MAKE IT RIGHT!!!!”

Bless his heart, Gary made it right.  He ended up buying a new clock that shows the outside temperature, and now all is well.

 

THE TV SERIES!

Aaron got all nine seasons of The X-Files for his birthday and for Christmas last year.  He finally, after several months, finished watching all nine seasons.  But then one day in Wal-Mart he found the new tenth season.  He still had a Wal-Mart gift card, so I let him buy season 10.  Those of you who know Aaron well can guess what happened.

Aaron had to start watching the whole series again, beginning at season one.  You don’t simply watch season 10, people.  You must watch the series in order.  Season 10 must come after season 9, which comes after season 8, which comes after……

You get the idea.  He had to watch the whole series again.

The  WHOLE.   SERIES!!!!!!

I think he’s just beginning season five right now.  I so hope there is not a season 11.

 

THE EXPIRED COUPON!

Aaron cuts out my coupons that are in the Sunday paper.  He is extremely meticulous, trying very hard to cut only on the dotted line.  No shortcuts are allowed.  He is sure that he is the only person in our house that cuts coupons correctly.  We have lots of coupon stories that we could tell.

Anyway, the other day I was taking expired coupons out of my coupon box.  I had a pile of coupons that were of no use any longer.  Aaron walked in the kitchen and spied the pile of coupons.  He asked what I was doing with them, making me feel like I was partaking in something forbidden.  So I explained that I was sorting out the expired ones.

“What are you going to do with them?” he asked suspiciously.  I told him I would throw them away.  He stood over me staring at the coupons that I was laying out to be tossed in the trash.  That’s when he saw it……the coupon that somehow was not exactly cut on the dotted line.  I’m sure he thought it was one that I had cut out, since he knows that Mom is a very sloppy and careless coupon cutter.  He reached over and gingerly picked the offending coupon out of the mess laying there.

Then he went over to the kitchen drawer, opened it and took out his scissors, walked back over to me, and began to cut that coupon on the dotted lines…..the way it was intended to be cut!

He didn’t care when I reminded him that I was just throwing that coupon away.  He didn’t care when I told him that the coupon was expired and of no use anymore.  He didn’t care that I told him he was just wasting his time.  He continued to carefully cut off the extra little strip of paper and let it fall into the pile of expired coupons.  Then he took the coupon that he had just corrected, laid it on the rest of the coupons very methodically, put away his scissors, and walked away as if all was well with the world.

Because for Aaron’s world, things were made well at that point.

Silly Mom.

 

THE ICE CREAM!

My last example…..for now…..is Aaron’s bowl of ice cream.  This past Friday night we were getting ready to watch a favorite TV show, Blue Bloods.  Aaron was with me earlier in the day as we bought some groceries.  I bought him some Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream that he wanted, so before Blue Bloods started he asked if he could have a bowl of his new ice cream.  I got his ice cream and handed him the bowl as he sat in his favorite family room chair.

I was in the kitchen for a few more minutes.  When I walked back into the family room, there sat Aaron is his chair……but he wasn’t eating his ice cream.  He had placed the bowl on the ottoman in front of him.

“Aren’t you eating your ice cream?” I asked him.

“Not yet,” he told me.

And it hit me.  Aaron was doing with his ice cream what he also does with his popcorn at the theater.  He was waiting for Blue Bloods to begin before he would pick up his bowl and eat his ice cream.  I watched him.  Sure enough, the second that Blue Bloods began, Aaron reached over and picked up his bowl of ice cream.  He ate every bite and loved it…..but not until it was just the right time to do so.

 

You see, life for Aaron has certain rules.  He doesn’t walk around explaining those rules to us, but we’ve come to know them well since we have lived with autism for so long.  Someone else wouldn’t get it at first, but trust me when I say that Aaron would educate them soon enough……and at times maybe not so kindly.

Strange how he has precise coupon cutting and ice cream eating rules, but his rules of etiquette and relationships can be sadly lacking.  How he can’t nap when his clock is showing the wrong temperature, but he can sleep soundly at the end of one of his rough behavior days.  How he will take weeks and weeks to re-watch X-Files so that he can keep the seasons in order, but saying a simple “I love you” is so difficult for him.

It’s just like his salad with the black and yellow lettuce.  Sounds pretty weird to us, even yucky, but not to Aaron……because that’s just how he sees it, right there in front of him.  The salad tasted fine, no matter the color.  And the taste was what mattered to him.

So Aaron’s ordered world is what matters to him, too.  Ordered in his way that he understands, because that’s just what he does and it’s really all he can do.  He’s come a long way and made lots of improvements, but Aaron is Aaron.

And sometimes we’re the ones who need to improve, honestly.  Improve in our acceptance and our understanding of Aaron, not expecting him to bend to us but instead be willing to bend to him.  Our way isn’t always the only way, in many areas.

But I draw the line at black lettuce.  Not gonna do black lettuce.

Yellow, maybe……but not black.

Well…..maybe just a taste.  It might surprise me.  ♥

I Almost Missed It

A little after 6:00 yesterday morning, I heard a loud thump coming from Aaron’s room.  I opened his door to find him lying on the floor beside his bed.  He had obviously fallen out of bed, but why?  I didn’t hear a seizure, so I assumed that he had just been too close to the edge of his bed and ended up tumbling out onto the floor.  But he wasn’t waking up and I was wondering what had happened.  He’s too big for Gary and me to lift, so I had to leave him there after checking him for injuries and hope that he woke up soon.

He did awaken and climb back into bed.  Later, when he got out of bed and had taken his shower, he came into my bathroom where I was readying for the day.  “Mom,” he said in a low voice.  “I don’t feel well.  My head hurts.”

I looked at him and saw a red mark on his forehead where he had hit his head on the lower shelf of his nightstand when he fell out of bed.  Poor Aaron.  Sometimes it seems that if something’s going to happen, it’s going to happen to Aaron.

After talking to him for a few minutes, I decided to let him stay home for the day.  I was mentally shifting gears then as I rearranged my schedule somewhat, knowing that Aaron would be home.  It’s really not a life changing big deal, usually, to keep Aaron at home on days that I don’t plan on him being home.  But I do have to shuffle some things around that are on my list for that day.  Like I said, not a big deal on most days……but it can be an inconvenience. 

There’s another element, too, in keeping Aaron at home.  I’ll be honest…..I enjoy my alone time and am refreshed during my breaks from Aaron.  I feel selfish to say that, but all parents understand what I mean.  As I make a decision to keep Aaron with me all day, I know that I might end up frustrated as the day progresses.  He likes to shadow me all day between his times on his computer, talking constantly about things that either don’t interest me or that I have heard over and over and over. 

It’s at those times that I know I have a decision to make…..basically, be content or be miserable.  Be understanding or be irritated.

I was thinking about these things this morning as I heard a man on the radio talking about his unplanned health issues that have severely impacted his life.  He said that he has learned not to let his joy be dictated by his circumstances.

On a much, much smaller scale, that is the decision I faced yesterday.  And it’s the decision that I face on many days, not just concerning Aaron, but concerning every aspect of my life. 

Do I allow my circumstances to dictate my joy……or do I let God dictate my joy even IN my less than ideal circumstances?

God tells me to be content in every situation, with thankfulness to boot.  I don’t even want to tell you how many times I mess that up!

I thought back on yesterday with Aaron and was struck by what I would have missed had I not kept Aaron at home…….other than tons of talk about the movie Battle Los Angeles; his new delight in playing Battleship on his computer as he expounds on EVERY. SINGLE. WEAPON.; and whether Charlie Daniels is from the north, the south, or the west, and is he a cowboy singer or a country singer; and so much more.  Really.  Much, much more.

So what would I have missed?

I would have missed his heartfelt hug, so rare on most days from Aaron.

I would have missed him at lunch, saying, “I’ll wait for you to eat with me, Mom, so we can pray.”  Then holding his hand and listening to HIM pray his simple, sweet prayer.

I would have missed him asking if he could do the watering of my porch plants.  Look at his tongue!  🙂

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I would have missed him going with me to Dillon’s, where he asked if he could buy two thank-you cards for Barb and Brandy at Paradigm.

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I would have missed watching him prepare those cards, and ask if he could include a Papa Murphy’s coupon in each one.

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I would have missed the opportunity for God to once again speak through these simple things to my sometimes stubborn, selfish heart.  I am living the life that God planned for me.  It’s not a bad life at all, but not necessarily the path of life that I would have chosen if I had been given the option to plan it all myself.  I mean, I’m the age where I should be an empty nester and have freedom…..right?

Nope.  Not at this point, and maybe never.  But there is so much joy, even in the frustrations, because I have learned that God is good and His plan is good.  HIS plan……not mine, always. 

So yeah, my circumstances should not dictate my joy.  My joy is dictated by God IN my circumstances. 

Being thankful is a huge part of my joy.  It’s really the key that opens the door to joy, but it’s the hardest thing to do sometimes.  It’s pretty cool that Aaron wanted to buy those thank-you cards yesterday.  I need one to continually hand to God, every day, many times.

I bet Aaron could help me with that.

Oh wait……he already has.   

 

It Makes Me Think

I wrote earlier about Aaron’s difficult day on Monday, and about his desire to take a “sorry card” to his friend whom he had hurt.  ( Another “Sorry Card”)  Time now for a quick update.

I walked into Aaron’s room on Tuesday morning, carrying his cups of coffee and finding him sitting on the edge of his bed.  He was writing in his log book the precise time that he was getting out of bed, and still trying to fully awaken.  I know not to talk a lot to Aaron first thing in the morning.  He needs time to process his new day, time to drink his coffee, time to shower…..and I need time to evaluate his mood.  So I said a simple good morning as I put his coffee on the bookshelf beside his desk.  He never even looked at me, which is typical.

But he did speak. 

“I don’t want to go today,” he softly said.  “I have a headache.”

I never know if he really has a headache, or if he’s just trying to get fully awake.  I don’t try to talk him OUT of having a headache, and neither do I encourage him to indulge his headache. 

“I’m sorry,” I said as I walked out of his room.  “I’m getting in the shower now.”

“I don’t want to go today,” he repeated.

“But what about the “sorry card” and Burger King coupon for J, and the pillow for S, and the green pepper for Barb?” I asked.

He was silent.

I went on about my morning.  I heard him taking a shower and then later heard him on his computer, yelling happily…..which is always a good sign that his outlook has brightened.

I went to his room for his glasses so that I could clean them before we left for Paradigm.  There lay the pillow for S, and the “sorry card” for J, near his empty coffee cups. 

“I’m going, Mom,” he said.  He even sounded cheery, and I was very relieved.

We walked out the door later, Aaron carrying a bag in which we had placed the pillow and the green pepper.  His “sorry card” for J, along with the Burger King coupon, were in a plain envelope and placed in the bag as well.

Aaron went into Paradigm with no hesitation when I dropped him off at the curb.  I prayed as I drove away, that Aaron would be happy and kind and would actually give his gifts to his friends…..especially the “sorry card” to J, for that was most important.

That afternoon my phone rang.  The caller ID displayed Barb’s name, and my heart dropped a little.  Sometimes Aaron calls me using Barb’s phone, and some of those times it’s because he’s unhappy.  Sometimes Barb calls me, though rarely, but usually it’s because Aaron is having a really rough day.  Sometimes Aaron also calls just to loudly laugh and tell me how much fun he is having.  Sometimes answering that phone is like playing Russian Roulette.  I just don’t know what pressing that answer button will bring.

“MOM!!!!” Aaron yelled into the phone.  And I immediately knew that he sounded like all was well.  “I wanted to tell you something!!”

“OK,” I simply answered, hoping for the best.

“I’ve been having a good day!” he continued.

“That’s wonderful!” I replied.  “Did you give J the “sorry card” and the coupon?”

“YES!!!” he said.  “WAIT, MOM!!!  WAIT!!!!” he eagerly said.

Now this always means that Aaron is getting ready to hand the phone off to someone else.  Often it’s Barb, and I’ll hear Aaron say to her, “My mom wants to tell you something!”  And Barb knows full well that I didn’t say I wanted to tell her something, so she gets on the phone laughing and she hears me laughing, and we talk for a minute while Aaron – I’m quite sure – is standing nearby rubbing his hands together furiously.

So on this day I was prepared to once again hear Barb’s voice, but it wasn’t.  I heard a young man’s voice haltingly saying hello to me.  He was a little hard to understand, but I figured he was J.

“Is this J?” I asked him.  He said yes.

“Thank you for the card and the coupon,” he said.

“You’re very welcome, J,” I told him.  “I’m sorry that Aaron hit you.”

“Oh, it’s OK,” he replied.  And he said something else about the coupon.  I could tell he was very happy with that, and with the “sorry card,” too.

He handed the phone back to Aaron, who told me with great exuberance that he had also given the pillow to S and the green pepper to Barb.  We soon hung up, with me feeling very happy for Aaron.

As we drove home that afternoon from Paradigm, we talked about how much it meant to J to get the card and especially the coupon.  We talked about how S smiled when Aaron gave her the pillow.  We talked about how Barb thanked him for the green pepper. 

And we especially talked about how happy it made Aaron when he was kind to his friends……how much better he felt on this drive home because of being nice.

These are simple, elementary truths that seem so hard for him to retain.  Aaron wants to be nice.  He really does.  But his impulses and his lack of filters sometimes drive his “nice” desires out of his brain quickly as he responds to the moment.

The next morning, Wednesday, Aaron wanted me to go inside Paradigm when I dropped him off.  He wanted me to talk to S about the pillow he had given her.  Sometimes my to-do list makes it hard for me to agree to anything extra, but something told me that I should do this for Aaron.  So I parked the van and we both got out, walking inside his day group together.

Aaron immediately strode over to the wheelchair where S was sitting, and I followed. 

“S!!!!” Aaron said, rubbing his hands together.  “Here’s my mom!!!!”

I felt like I was Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune.  “Here’s Vanna White and Pat Sajak!!!!!” 

I walked around to where S could see me, and I patted her arm as I told her hello and asked how she’s doing.  S always says that she is fine, as she is all bent over in her chair.  She amazes me as she does something else I always see when I am with her……she smiles.  A huge, sweet smile.

“Did you like the pillow that Aaron gave you?” I asked her.  There was that wonderful smile again as she looked up at me and said a simple, “Yes.”  But her smile said it all.  It must mean a lot to her, in her limited world, to have friends.  I know that Aaron understands that.

One day, when talking to me about his friendship with her, Aaron said to me, “S doesn’t have much friends.  Am I her friend?”  I told him that he is indeed her friend…..a good friend.

“It makes me think I don’t know what to think,” he answered after some thought.

How sweet!  How telling! 

Friendships do matter to Aaron, very much.  He just doesn’t always know how to make them…..how to maintain them……how to express his feelings to his friends without being loud and rough. 

But sometimes he does, like with S.  He talks a lot to us about her limitations and he feels empathy for her.  So even if he thinks he doesn’t know what to think, the very fact that he IS thinking about these things is very positive to us.  We’re thankful that this week turned out so well…..that Aaron hopefully learned some important lessons…..and that those lessons will actually STICK in his brain!!

Because trust me, there are many many days that Gary and I look at each other after an Aaron episode and scratch our heads.

Aaron’s words could easily be our words:  It makes us think we don’t know what to think!!!

But I do think that this week has been mostly positive, for me and for Aaron and hopefully for his friends. 

It makes me think that we have a very special son, even when he makes me think I don’t know what to think!

And that’s just how it is around here.

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Aaron’s Love Songs

It’s been awhile since I’ve really written about Aaron.  So many days I want to write, but somehow life prevents me from doing what I would love to do.  I mean, do we really need clean clothes, food on the table, errands run, garden tended, a somewhat tidy and clean house, etc., etc., etc.?!  Then so much time goes by that I lose my momentum……lose the feel of those special Aaron moments…..and so I go on, hoping to recapture them and share them later.

Aaron and I are coming off of a fun, long Labor Day weekend.  It was sad for me because Gary’s Uncle Bob went to heaven on Friday morning.  This was awesome for Uncle Bob, but of course has left a huge hole of grief in the hearts of those that he loved and who returned that love so deeply.  He was a great man.  As Gary checked the price of plane tickets Friday evening, the realization quickly sank in that we could not both go home for Bob’s funeral.  I was very thankful that Gary did go.  At first he said no to that idea, but he really needed to be there with his family.  He’s so glad he did.

Aaron was my shadow for a large part of our long weekend.  We went out to eat……watched movies here at home…….took walks around our back yard with Jackson……washed and ate garden veggies…….enjoyed sitting on the patio and seeing our Hummingbirds at the feeders……watched Wheel of Fortune……and did a little shopping. 

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And I captured one of the best pictures of Aaron ever as we ate at Jose’ Peppers.  Isn’t this just great?

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On our Wal-Mart trip, Aaron went on his way to the electronics while I browsed some on my own…..knowing that I would probably find Aaron later, when I went to pick him up, with some discovered jewel of a movie in his hand.  Sure enough, that happened…..but I was able to dissuade him from the need to buy it now since his birthday and Christmas are looming on the horizon. 

In his other hand, though, he carried a CD.  Any of you who know Aaron know that he loves music.  He loves listening to music any time that the van door closes and the engine starts.  He becomes super focused……another word for obsessed……with whatever current artist is filling his ears with music.  He will announce every song as the number on the CD changes, then sit back and listen closely.  Then at home he will look their songs up on his computer and love every minute of watching them perform.

When it was Neil Diamond, for instance, Aaron one evening said to Gary, “Dad!  Mom and I are listening to Neil Diamond!  Mom likes number 11!!”  Then he paused, because surely Dad knew what song is #11.  When he realized that Dad was not at all adept with knowing #11, Aaron patiently said, “It’s Song Sang Blue.”  Never mind that it’s really Song SUNG Blue.  Aaron isn’t concerned with grammar.

Aaron continued telling Gary about Neil Diamond.  “He always carries a gu-tar.”   “Why does he like a gu-tar?”   “Is that his favorite instrument?”   “He has funny hair.” 

And later, as he and I played Skip-Bo, Aaron suddenly asked, “Why do you like number 11?  Is the sound of that song kind of cute to you?”  So Song Sang Blue was thoroughly discussed, dissected, analyzed, and hopefully understood after we were done.

Back to Wal-Mart and the CD in his hand.  Aaron loves, loves, loves Ronnie Milsap.  He was totally thrilled as he held out his newly found CD for me to see.  “MOM!!  I found Ronnie Milsap!!!!”

Yes, it was Ronnie Milsap all right……Ronnie Milsap Gospel. 

“Aaron, I’m not sure you’ll like this so much,” I told him.  “It’s gospel music.”

“Please, Mom?!!  Can I get it??” he begged.

So I said yes, and we immediately put it in to play as soon as the van door closed and the engine started.  As the sounds of How Great Thou Art filled the van, Aaron bent over and rubbed his hands together every bit as much as if the Beach Boys were singing about girls on the beach, as Aaron says.

Aaron repeats a phrase of the last song, usually, that we listen to as we drive home.  We hear it over and over and over and over for the rest of that day.  So on Monday, many times, I heard Aaron singing these four words – “How great Thou art.”  “How great Thou art.”  “How great Thou art.” 

And on Tuesday, back at his day group, Barb texted to tell me something and then she said, “Aaron was singing How Great Thou Art earlier.”  HaHaHa!  Isn’t that just the best?  Maybe that’s why he was having such a great day.  And he also took some of our garden tomatoes to share, giving some to his friend Yolanda, a fellow client.  Look at this picture of happiness.

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Last night Aaron wasn’t feeling well at all.  He said his head and stomach hurt, and at 8:30 he wanted to go to bed.  “Maybe I suddenly caught a germ,” he quietly said as he and I went through his bedtime routine.  But he was off, not even asking if it was going to rain or checking on the outdoor temperature, which he ALWAYS does!  He did ask if I would have the monitor on.  I know why.  I know he’s afraid of having seizures, and that just breaks my heart for him. 

Friends and family prayed, and there were no seizures during the night!  I was so, so thankful for that!  Aaron got up this morning after sleeping for nearly 12 hours, saying his head still hurt.  Yet he always says this in the morning, so I wasn’t too sure.  He sat across from me at the kitchen table, giving me a stare down as he hoped I would tell him to stay home.  As the morning went on, he improved.  Coffee and a shower works miracles!  And so did the offer of a Quik Trip stop on the way to Paradigm!

Later, sausage biscuits and Mike & Ikes in hand, we headed down Kellogg on the way to his day group.  The artist of choice now filling the van was Alan Jackson.  Aaron picked up the CD case and said, “Mom!  Look at #5 and #11.  They’re BOTH about LOVE!!!”

So as #11 played, I made a kiss sound in rhythm to the music……and received a resounding whack on my arm from Aaron!!

“What’s up with that?” I asked.  “I thought you liked the songs about love.”

“Well, love is too weird,” he explained.  “When people are in love, they have to kiss!!”

I just smiled.  I can’t change Aaron’s mind about love being weird, but what he doesn’t know is how much he is loved.  He knows it, but he doesn’t know it.  Does that make sense?

Good days……bad days……laughter……frustrations……joy……worry……fun……anger.  We have it all with Aaron, magnified on most days. 

But when we’re feeling like singing “Song Sang Blue” on one day, there are many days that we’re singing a love song about Aaron.  But don’t tell Aaron.  He’ll think it’s weird……and then give us another sharp slap……

And it’s back to “Song Sang Blue!!!”

 

 

Be A Ladybug!

Every year, Gary and I enjoy our little garden.  No two years are exactly the same.  Last year, for instance, I was hauling buckets of summer squash out of there every few days.  This year, so far, we have had four squash.  Not four buckets.  Just four squash.  Pathetic, I know.

But we have had buckets of cucumbers this year, so that makes me happy.  A couple tomatoes here and there as they slowly ripen; one lone spaghetti squash that has survived so far; some peppers; and always, thankfully, lots of okra.  Okra seems to do very well in our hot Kansas summers, no matter where in the garden we place it or how hot our weather is.  Okra is certainly a hardy crop for the conditions in which we live. 

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There are other reasons that I could say our okra does so well.  One is the tilling that Gary does, such as you see in this picture I took one Saturday after he had worked hard tilling the garden.  I also hand weeded the areas where the tiller couldn’t go, so the garden looked all clean and beautiful for awhile.

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Then there’s the ingenious sprinkler system that Gary designed.  There are three sprinkler heads placed on poles in the front of the garden, and three in the back.  Gary measured for all the pipes that were needed, glued, dug trenches, rigged up the hose and the timer…..it’s really pretty amazing, if you ask me.  And I love it because it turns on twice a day and I don’t have to lift a finger! 

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We also had our soil tested last year, and it showed that our soil is healthy.  That was nice to hear.  I bought bedding plants at a nursery that I trust, and we added some fertilizer into the holes as we planted each one.  With all of these things that we did, our okra have thrived and we’re enjoying every bite of fresh okra from our garden.

But I left out one part of their success……..a very important part, though it comes in a very tiny form.  These:

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Yes, ladybugs.  Every time I cut okra off the plants that are getting taller and taller all the time, I see my little miniature friends.  I call them friends because they work very hard as they help insure the success of our okra.  Ladybugs eat aphids, and so without the help of these little spotted bugs, our okra just might not live.  And if they did live, they might not thrive.  I can’t really see aphids, but I know they are there, sucking the life out of the healthy plants.  So our ladybugs quietly go about their business, eating the dangerous aphids and tremendously helping to insure that we have lots of delicious okra to enjoy. 

Ladybugs are cute, but they’re not really visible from far away.  We see the sprinkler system doing its watering.

We see and hear the tiller digging up weeds, giving us the results of almost weedless soil.

 But ladybugs?  They’re unobtrusive and very little and hardly seen at all, unless you get right down there in the midst of the leaves and really look.

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I had a sweet little Grandma that I think of when I see these ladybugs doing their quiet but valuable work.  She was little in stature…..I definitely get my shortness from her!  Grandma Hollandsworth….whom we later affectionately called Grandma Holly, or just Holly…..lived with my parents for 14 years.  Therefore, I spent lots of time with her and knew her very well.

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One of the most precious memories that all of us have of Grandma, I know, is the picture in our minds of what we sometimes saw when we passed by her bedroom in the mornings.  She would be sitting at the long built-in desk that lined her bedroom windows, her Bible open before her.  Her head covered in beautiful white hair would be bowed, and she would be praying.  She told us that she prayed for all of her six children every day……their spouses…..their children…..their children’s children…..and on it went.  It was quite a long list, believe me!  She would also pray for many others who were not family, faithfully and persistently.

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When Grandma would be taken to see the doctor, she would sometimes have to wait to be seen.  The doctor would come into the exam room, apologizing for making her wait, and Grandma would just smile and tell him that it was all right.  She told him that she used that time to pray for her family.  She had such a sweet testimony of being a praying Grandma.

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Grandma died when she was 99 years old.  She was actually praying when she died.  She was, at that point, in a care home. Her roommate heard Grandma asking the Lord to take her home.  Then there was a sharp breath and Grandma Holly was gone to heaven, just like that……while she prayed.  How perfect! 

We have always said that the thing we would miss the most about Grandma was her prayers for all of us.  We won’t know this side of heaven just how impacting her prayers were in our lives, nor the impact that her prayers are still having in our lives and the lives of family members that she never even knew. 

Grandma didn’t make a big show about her faithful prayer life.  She definitely never bragged about it or tried to draw attention to herself through her prayers.  She just quietly went about doing what she knew God wanted her to do.  And she prayed because she loved Him and she loved all of us. 

Scan0005Grandma was like my little garden ladybugs, just daily doing what she knew was right.  I wonder what difference her prayers have made in so many lives……what fruit her faithfulness is still producing today.

The prophet Zechariah, whose name means ‘Yahweh remembers,’ was one of the prophets who encouraged the returning exiles in Jerusalem to complete the temple.  The people were discouraged as they compared the smaller, simpler temple they built to the grandeur of the former temple.  But Zechariah told the people in Zechariah 4:10 to not “despise the day of small things.”

“Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit,” God said in verse 6. 

We tend to notice and value the big and the bright and the noisy.  But let’s not despise the small things……things like little ladybugs doing their work……things like a Grandma’s quiet but fervent prayers.

The smallest acts can produce the most beautiful fruit.

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Who Is Aaron Supposed to Be?

I love this picture I found on FB this morning. 

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Aaron certainly has opened our eyes to a whole unique and special way of viewing his world…..which becomes our world as Aaron pulls us in, willing or not.  It doesn’t matter to Aaron if I am busy or tired or embarrassed or if I’ve heard or seen the same thing a zillion times.  To him, each experience seems refreshingly new and fun and definitely shared.

Like yesterday at the grocery store.  I decided to run back to the produce section after I saw the pretty cantaloupes in a fellow shopper’s cart.  Aaron loves everything about the grocery store, except maybe for the aisle with toothpaste and body wash.  If you lived with him awhile, you would see that those items are not a priority or an interest of his.  Unfortunately.

Anyway, I was examining big round cantaloupes while Aaron was pointing out the cool, spritzing water that was spraying over the vegetables nearby.  You would think that this was the first time he had ever seen this gentle spray, but it isn’t.  It’s probably the 753rd time I’ve told him what it is, but he was as excited as if he was seeing it for the first time. 

I turned and headed for the registers after deciding against any cantaloupes.  I knew that Aaron was lagging behind.  I was already in the florist section when I turned to look for Aaron.  There he stood, large and loud Aaron, holding up an artichoke.  His face was just a huge smile as he held his prize up for me to see.  I had to smile, too, standing there among the sunflowers and daisies.  What is it about artichokes that always, always grabs Aaron’s attention?  We have examined them, cooked them, and researched them…..but still Aaron will find those artichokes and hold one up for me to see as if it’s the very first artichoke that we have EVER encountered. 

I smiled and then shook my head no as several surrounding people were turning their heads to see who Aaron was showing his artichoke to.  I could see them making the connection……wondering, I’m sure, about Aaron. 

Maybe if we all saw our world through Aaron eyes, we would smile more and laugh louder and keep our curiosity sharper, even as we age. 

So let me share with you a few snapshots of Aaron in his world.

Making a funny face while we played Skip-Bo, trying hard not to laugh:

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Putting a clothes pin on his earlobe, which is totally nothing new…..but you wouldn’t know that if you looked at how intense and serious he was on this night.

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Playing Skip-Bo, knowing that Mom is looking out with eagle eyes for his cheating attempts.

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Waiting for me to go through the Wal-Mart line, and smiling like this when I looked up and saw WHERE he decided to wait……the chair at the bank desk. 

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Noticing after he got his teeth cleaned that the digital clock on the counter was flashing.  “Your clock is destroyed!” he exclaimed as he pushed by his hygienist and tried to fix the clock.  Incorrect time is intolerable!

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Recovering from three strong night seizures.  We had to cancel his therapy appointment, which to Aaron meant cancelling our lunch plans.  I was nervous about taking him into a restaurant, fearing another seizure, so instead we went through the drive-through window at Little Caesar’s and got him pizza AND breadsticks.  He was happy.  I was happy.

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And finally, sunflowers.  Aaron has wanted sunflowers for such a long time, so this summer while I was in Houston to see Andrea, he and Gary planted sunflowers around our garden.  He has watched them grow and grow and grow, until now they are much taller than he is.  Now he can’t wait for them to bloom.  He was looking at the sunflowers one day when they were much smaller.  “When are they supposed to be the size they’re supposed to be?” he asked.

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I smile at the way he phrases things.  His unique way of expressing himself is a big reason I started this blog.  I can remember wondering, when Aaron was much younger, how he would turn out.  In a sense, I wondered when Aaron was supposed to be the Aaron he’s supposed to be – to borrow Aaron’s wording. 

Well, Gary and I pretty well know that Aaron is now the Aaron he is supposed to be.  Some days that can be discouraging, I’ll admit……on the seizure days or on the hard behavior days or on the days when we are tired and really don’t want to see another artichoke.  Yet Aaron is who he is supposed to be because he is who God created him to be. 

But God gives grace when we need it the most.  He really does.  I don’t think I even realize sometimes in just what forms His grace comes to me.  Yet I do know, often in retrospect, that making it through the frustrations……the fears……the failures…..is the hand and the grace of God upon us. 

And I am so thankful that God gives me pause more times that I can count……moments to pause and enjoy Aaron’s world through Aaron’s eyes.

So you see that the sunflower in the above picture is just too perfect.  Aaron is waiting for his sunflowers to be the size they’re supposed to be and to bloom.  Gary and I see that Aaron is who he is supposed to be, and that every day he blooms in our lives, teaching us to see the world through different eyes. 

I pretty well know, too, what Aaron would say if he looked at this sunflower picture.  “What?!” he would probably say.  “That sunflower is wearing shades!!”

Better to see you with, Aaron.  Better to see you with.