Growing – He Said What?!

Uncie Aaron…His Buddy and His Burden

Time waits on no man, Chaucer said. Time waits on no child, either. We see this clearly as we watch Ryker growing. Pictures from a few months ago compared to now show his physical growth. New words and speaking in sentences show his intellectual growth.

It brings joy mixed with a dose of sadness as all parents and grandparents know very well.

Ryker and Aaron’s relationship is also growing with time. We have seen great strides on Aaron’s part in his friendship with his little nephew.

Sometimes Aaron sees Ryker as his buddy.

Aaron still loves giving Ryker snacks.

He didn’t even mind Ryker taking his favorite chair one day.

They play funny make-believe games.

Wear goofy hats of Aaron’s.

Watch cars zoom down the track.

Do chalk drawings.

Laugh at silly cartoons.

Thoroughly enjoy water balloons.

Blow dandelions.

Play music.

Occasionally share the playset.

Fly a plane.

And one of the best is when they watched our fireworks on the Fourth.

It’s just the cutest thing to see Aaron look at Ryker and say, “Ryker! Come on!” Then to see Ryker bolt as fast as he can on his little legs to run with Aaron up the stairs to Aaron’s room where all sorts of fun and unique gadgets await his exploration.

And snacks that are new to Ryker! Dots! Red Hots! Pistachios!

And gum!

So, you can see that we must monitor things closely, sometimes much to Aaron and Ryker’s frustration.

But for all the positive steps forward, Aaron still carries the burden of his autistic way of processing his world and how others impact it.

Aaron sends mixed signals to Ryker. One minute he might be happily allowing Ryker to play with one of his cool toys and the next he might yell no to Ryker for touching another treasured item.

Aaron can be hurtful with his words during those times, and inappropriate.

Therefore, we must also monitor those moments as we try to foresee certain triggers that might upset Aaron. We’re just never totally in the clear and probably never will be.

Yet, again, the progress Aaron has made truly gives us much for which to thank the Lord.

The challenges cause us to seek God’s patience and wisdom as well.

Speaking of prayer, this has been one of the sweetest and funniest areas of Uncie Aaron and Ryker’s relationship.

Aaron has never forgotten a silly prayer that he heard in an old Don Knott’s movie when he was a child. He sometimes yells it out when we get ready to ask the blessing before eating.

“Rub-a-dub-dub!! Thanks for the grub!!”

No amount of correction on our part has kept Aaron from blurting that out sometimes. So, you guessed it. One day as we all sat at the table and joined hands, Aaron gleefully yelled, “Rub-a-dub-dub!”

And Ryker, without missing a beat, chirped “Rub-a-dub-dub!!”

Let’s close our eyes to pray now…and let the adults grin real big!

Every night as part of Aaron’s bedtime routine, we join hands and pray. Ryker has joined us before. One night I asked Ryker if he wanted to pray with us, so he scurried up on the bed, took our hands, and immediately launched into his own prayer. We didn’t understand much of what he said, but it was precious in God’s eyes, I know, and certainly in ours.

Andrea shared with us Ryker’s prayer one night at their house. I had come over to help with the baby. Laying in his bed before he went to sleep, Ryker prayed:

“Dear Jesus, dank you Gramoo. Dank you Uncie Aaron. Dank you donuts.”

Out of the mouths of babes.

Dear Jesus, dank you Uncie Aaron. Even in the frustrations…the continual training that sometimes never seems to take hold…the corrections…the monitoring…

May we see the joy he also brings…the laughter…the delight at the simplest things that we often overlook.

And the huge progress he’s made in his role as Uncie Aaron.

Let’s not forget donuts!

Rub-a-dub-dub!!

Uncle Aaron and His Nephew Boy

Time for another installment in the ongoing saga of Uncle Aaron and Ryker, aka Nephew Boy.

Our exterminator, whom we’ve known for years, was at our house not long ago. Aaron captured him…well, not literally but verbally…and decided to talk to him about Ryker.

“My nephew boy,” Aaron began and proceeded to tell George some news about Ryker.

“I have a nephew boy,” Aaron continued. “Do you have a nephew boy?”

George did a great job of not laughing although the twitch in his mouth spoke volumes to us.

I know why Aaron called Ryker his nephew boy. It’s because soon our daughter will have a baby girl and so we have told Aaron that this little girl will be his niece…that a boy is a nephew, and a girl is a niece. So, for that conversation, Ryker was Aaron’s nephew boy.

Aaron has come to accept and enjoy Ryker in a way that mostly warms our hearts. I say mostly because there are still occasions when Aaron will get jealous at something we’re saying or doing with Ryker.

“You don’t do that with ME!” Aaron will say in a huff.

And one day Aaron, for whatever unknown reason, got upset about his position in life.

“I don’t want to be the uncle,” he angrily asserted.

“But Aaron,” I replied, “you’re the uncle because you’re Andrea’s brother. You can’t change that.”

“Well,” he said, “she MADE me be the uncle. She didn’t ASK me!”

We’ve learned it’s best at these times to mostly listen and not try to reason too much with Aaron. He eventually settles down and before long will probably be asking when Ryker is coming over again.

Of course, at this point Ryker is unaware of any animus from his Uncle Aaron. Ryker is still at that precious innocent age when he loves everyone…and that definitely includes his Uncle Aaron. He finds Aaron to be very fascinating and fun.

Aaron gives Ryker lots of snacks.

Aaron lets Ryker see his really cool toys and gadgets.

Aaron’s room is the BEST place in the house! There’s a jellyfish lamp and all sorts of squishy balls and flashlights and a frog light with glowing eyes and oh, so much more!

What’s NOT to love about Uncle Aaron?

Aaron is equally fascinated as he watches Ryker learn and grow, respond to him and talk, and eat. Definitely eat!

Aaron gets right down on the floor with Ryker and watches him with great interest.

Ryker claps his hands when Aaron claps or yells like his Uncle Aaron when Aaron is in his room and lets out one of his funny loud sounds.

Ryker will have so much to learn about his special Uncle Aaron as the years go by. We know there will be ups and downs with all that process, on both sides.

It really won’t be that much longer before Ryker outgrows Aaron on every level. I thought about that after I took a picture of Ryker and Aaron in our car. Ryker loves sitting in the driver’s seat, turning the steering wheel and punching all the buttons.

And there sat Aaron, always in the passenger’s seat, having fun watching Ryker play like he was driving.

Aaron will never be in the driver’s seat.

But one day Ryker will be.

I thought about how some day Ryker will perhaps be driving Aaron to Dairy Queen for his favorite Choco Extreme Blizzard or to Walmart to scour the aisles for a special treat.

And I pray that God will use Aaron to enrich Ryker in ways that can only happen with a special person like his Uncle Aaron in his life.

Standing Firm

The other morning as I had my quiet time, I read this verse:

This picture on which I put this verse is one of hundreds that I have taken from the window in the room where I sit at my desk on most mornings and spend time with God. That is where I was sitting when I read those words.

The window in that room looks out on our back yard. There, front and center, is this very large oak tree. So many of the sky pictures or weather pictures that I have taken over the years just naturally include that big oak tree.

When we first moved here 25 years ago, that tree was small. But now look at it!

As I read those words that Paul had written to the Corinthian believers centuries ago, and I looked out my window, I thought of how our oak tree is a beautiful example of standing firm in our faith no matter what is going on around us.

The cold days of winter:

The growth, but also the storms, of spring:

The beauty of a summer sunset:

The golden days of autumn:

The fog that may hide our view of what’s around us:

The scary storms that come:

Each of us can relate to one of these scenarios. Life is so full of beauty but also can wallop us with fear and heartache.

My prayer is that I…that all of us who follow Christ…will stand firm in our faith even when the scenes that surround us are changing.

The only way to do that is to stay in God’s Word, ask for His wisdom and direction, and follow Him faithfully.

Don’t let the winds that are blowing all around us, especially in these days, weaken and uproot us. Stay rooted and grounded in God’s truth!

So may it be said of each of us who are Christ followers, “FOR IN YOUR FAITH YOU ARE STANDING FIRM!”

Damaged

During our trip to the Houston area last month, we noticed that the palm trees looked different. One normally expects palm trees to resemble these:

But instead, this is what we saw.

I stood there staring as I snapped this picture. The trees looked both silly and sad.

“Bless your hearts,” I wanted to say. I am from the south, you know.

Andrea explained what had happened. The prolonged deep freeze this past February had taken quite a toll on the palm trees. Many were irreparably damaged…dead.

I have read a little about the palm trees and found out that one way you can tell if a palm is dead is to scratch a section of bark off the tree. If there is green underneath, then the palm is alive.

These sad looking palms we saw were, despite their damage, alive. We could tell by the growth on top, odd as they might have looked.

This past Sunday at church we were privileged to listen to a live interview between our pastor and a prominent businessman from our city. Britt Fulmer discussed his cancer journey. Unless God works a miracle, there is nothing humanly possible that can be done for him. Again, barring a miracle, heaven might soon be a reality for Britt.

Yet I walked away from that service full of hope and praise. That is because Britt was full of hope and praise. He conveyed, through his rather frail voice, the strength OF God because of his total trust IN God. There was no anger, no regret, and definitely no fear as he confidently gave testimony of his total trust in God’s plan for him in this trial. In fact, Britt has grown during his hard bout with cancer.

I think of so many I know who are battered from life’s prolonged adversities. One can look at them and see the damage in various ways in their lives. It reminds me of those palm trees.

But you know what? Those palm trees are still standing, despite showing the stress of the freeze they endured.

And they’re growing! If we scraped off a section of their bark, we would see green underneath.

Life is there!

Roots run deep!

James talked to believers about trials.

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials; knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (James 1: 2-4)

That word “consider” means to make a judgment. We have a choice to make when we encounter various…multi-colored…trials in this life. Are we going to allow God to work in our lives the endurance that He desires? That endurance is the act of abiding under the difficulties.

Will we abide under the prolonged pain in our lives, whatever it may be? Because if we choose to do that…to abide under the suffering…we are really abiding under the shadow of the Almighty Who has our best interests and His glory in mind.

To abide means to endure without yielding.

So, to endure means to abide…and abide means to endure.

It means I stay put in the place God has put me, even if He has put me under suffering.

I don’t yield to unbelief. I don’t give in to giving up on God.

Instead, I allow endurance under the hardships to produce in me a maturity and growth that is evident to everyone around me. But I can’t produce that growth myself. Only God can grow me in that way as I abide in Him, fully trusting His plan for me.

Suffering hurts, no doubt about it. Long-term suffering takes a toll.

But what will others see in me beyond the damage?

Will they see growth, even if I feel like it’s just a little bit?

Is there green under my bark?

Oh God, grow us in our prolonged sufferings so that You will be honored and others will be amazed at what You have done!

The Cold Snap

We have a little bush in our front flower bed, a perennial that we planted probably 17 years ago. In fact, I can’t even remember the name of this little bush, so I just call it that – Little Bush. This hardy bush keeps its leaves on all year long, which is part of its charm. In the summer the leaves are green with some maroon mixed in, and in the fall and winter the leaves are mostly maroon. Small berries also grow among the leaves in the fall, so by Christmas it seems to be all decorated for the season. I really like my Little Bush!

Last year, though, probably starting in March, I noticed that Little Bush didn’t look so healthy. Its leaves that always stay were falling off, until finally only stark, naked branches were there.

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This was quite unusual, and I was worried. Was I finally going to lose my long lasting little bush? Was there something that I could do to save it?

I kept looking at Little Bush, wondering what had happened. Then one day an article in the newspaper caught my attention. The headline said something about how certain trees and bushes in Wichita were losing their leaves. I read the information with interest because of my little bush. The writer explained that earlier in the winter we had experienced several nights when temperatures had dipped to -10 degrees or lower. These frigid temperatures had damaged some trees and bushes that normally held their leaves all winter.

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There was my explanation, I thought. This cold snap had damaged Little Bush. Then the article went on to assure gardeners not to worry but to be patient…that most trees and bushes would begin to grow again in the warmth of spring because their roots were not damaged by the extreme cold.

So I waited and I observed. I checked my little bush routinely and sure enough one day I saw tiny new leaves emerging on the empty twigs.

As time went on and the days passed, the warm spring sun and the rains did their restorative work. Little Bush grew…

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And grew…

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Until finally Little Bush was back, as pretty as ever!

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I’ve had some cold snaps in my life, too…times and events that came unexpectedly and with little or no warning. Everyone has.

Cold snaps hurt. And they take many various forms.

An illness. A diagnosis. Sudden death. Lingering death. Rejection. Accusation. Betrayal. Job loss. Divorce. A prodigal. Regret. Guilt.

I remember my dad’s victory over lung cancer…how relieved and thankful we were when treatments were complete and he was in remission. But before the five-year mark came the blood work and the testing and the phone call…liver cancer…inoperable…four more years of chemo…hospice…

Cold snap. Recovery. Then another cold snap.

But through it all, our family verse brought us each the warmth and the hope that we needed: “God is our refuge and strength; a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1)

Sometimes our hard times…our cold snaps…make us feel like David when he said, “My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all day long – “Where is your God?” (Psalm 42:3)

Where is God in our pain? Oh, He hasn’t gone anywhere! He’s a very PRESENT help in our trouble, remember? He’s right here with us.

Right after David said his tears were his food, he said, “Why are you in despair, oh my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His PRESENCE.” (Psalm 42:5)

My little bush had hope because its roots were secure, and so do we who know and follow Christ. We have hope in our despair because we know that God is sovereign…He is in control…He has a plan…He is present…and He has a purpose for the cold snaps that rock our world.

“I called on Your name, O Lord, out of the lowest pit. You have heard my voice. Do not hide Your ear from my prayer for relief, from my cry for help. You drew near when I called on You. You said – “Do not fear!” (Lamentations 3:55-57)

God is near in our pain…near in our pondering…near in our praise that arises even out of hurt and unanswered questions.

I love these lyrics of Jeremy Camp’s song, He Knows:

All the bitter weary ways

Endless striving day by day

You barely have the strength to pray

In the valley low.

And how hard your fight has been

How deep the pain within

Wounds that no one else has seen

Hurts too much to show.

All the doubt you’re standing in between

And all the weight that brings you to your knees.

He knows

Every hurt and every sting

He has walked the suffering.

He knows

Let your burdens come undone

Lift your eyes up to the one

Who knows

He knows.

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What Am I Cultivating?

I sat on our patio one recent morning, enjoying coffee while watching birds and dragonflies flitting all around. The mowed yard, the green trees, the blue sky…it was all so pretty and pleasant. But then my eyes wandered over to our garden plot. UGH!! So much for looking at beauty!

Why? Because for the second year in a row, Gary and I did not plant a vegetable garden. Rain…two out-of-town trips…schedules – it all added up to once again, no garden.

Now our small garden area is a huge mess, full of overgrown weeds and sad neglected old tomato cages. What a difference to have gone from this:

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To this:

Same ground, but different cultivating.

I read this verse around the time I was thinking about the comparison in our little piece of land from one year to the next.

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.” (Psalm 37:3)

God’s desire for Israel was for them to dwell in the land He had promised to them. He told them over and over that dwelling in the land successfully and fully would require their total obedience to Him. In Deuteronomy 30:15-20, God told Israel very clearly what their choice was:

“See, I have set before you today life and prosperity, and death and adversity; in that I command you today to love the Lord your God, to walk in His ways and to keep His commandments and His statutes and His judgments, that you may live and multiply, and that the Lord your God may bless you in the land where you are entering to possess it.” (v. 15-16)

God told them that disobedience would bring death and a curse. He urged them to choose life by loving the Lord, obeying His voice, and holding fast to Him. And not just life but life AND prosperity.

In other words, to cultivate faithfulness.

This same principle is very true for me today. I have a choice to make. God won’t force me to make the right one, but He has told me what the right choice is and how to make that choice.

It’s simple, really. Choose to love God, choose to obey Him, and hold fast to Him. Hold fast by hanging onto Him when life is crazy and tiring and disappointing.

I get really tired sometimes. I know we all do. Just as I began this blog, Aaron called me from his day group. I knew he had been having a hard day, and his voice and manner on the phone confirmed it. I ended up just picking him up early today to avoid any further meltdowns at his day group. This change in my day was not in my plan. His attitude today makes me angry and tired.

And guess what I saw before all this happened? Beautiful beach vacation pictures. When I hung up from talking to Aaron, I was wanting to just hang up this life with him too, quite honestly. For a fleeting minute, I wanted to give in to my beach thoughts…have a pity party…and allow myself the “luxury” of wallowing in the wishes for a life I don’t have.

I just HAD to be writing a blog today on faithfulness, right?!

You see, God has put me right here where I am. This life with Aaron is not what I had planned, but I must see and trust that this life with Aaron is what God planned…for me.

And in this life that He planned for me, I really do want to live it in victory and joy. I want to cultivate this:

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And not this:

It truly is up to me which picture will be the picture of my life. I choose what to cultivate by choosing whether to love God…obey Him…and hold fast to Him.

I love Him by praising Him even when I don’t like what’s going on around me.

I obey Him by reading His word and finding out what exactly it is He wants me to do each day…and then DO it!

And I hold fast to Him by not allowing my thoughts to digress into selfish wishful thinking and all those “what if’s?” and asking Him to give me grace to love and handle Aaron correctly.

I should know that when God burdens me with a blog, then He’s going to hammer it home to me in a very personal way! 😊

So, wherever you are today…on a public stage or stuck at home…reeling from an unexpected diagnosis…planning a funeral…facing life alone as a single…hurting from unfaithfulness…starting all over in a new life or new church or new friends…losing your job or needing a new one…raising your grandchildren…raising special needs children…

Whatever is your situation, just remember:

CULTIVATE FAITHFULNESS!

And just watch what God will grow in your life!

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The Broad Place

Anniversary: the yearly remembrance of an event or occurrence.

We typically associate the word “anniversary” with weddings, don’t we? Which, by the way, Gary and I will celebrate such a remembrance this Saturday. 39 years!!! I wonder how this is possible…and then I look in the mirror and realize that yes, indeed, this is true.

But there are other anniversary dates as well. Many are full of happiness, yet sadly, many are just the opposite. In my Bible, I often make a note beside certain verses that were especially meaningful to me during good times and during not so good times. I jot down the date and make a short entry about what was occurring when that particular verse, or verses, impacted my life. I call these my memorial stones, taken from the way that Israel would memorialize important national events by building a stone memorial. Israel would thus remember what God had done for them there, just as I can remember what God has done for me through significant sections of Scripture during significant times in my life.

I came upon a memorial stone this morning as I was reading II Samuel 22:18-19.

“He delivered me from my strong enemy, from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my support.”

I looked at the brief notation I had made, and memories came flooding over me. The year was 2008 and the month was May, ten years ago. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long since Gary and I were blindsided by the events that took place. I really can’t say more about it, but I knew that God’s hand was in it as a direct answer to prayer even though there was much wrong involved. Our lives have been forever changed…forever scarred…yet forever touched by the hand of God.

You see, after verse 19 comes verse 20:

“He also brought me forth into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me.”

So now, ten years later, I can truly say that God has brought us to a broad place. But what does that mean?

Well, places of hardship and distress in the Bible are usually referred to as narrow places. They are places of being closed in, confined, and full of danger. But broad places are places of peace and security, where you can stretch and grow and see all around.

I can look back on the past ten years and see the progression in our lives from the narrow to the broad. I can also attest to the fact that God was very present with us through the awful narrow passages, and He is also very present with us in the broad place. We need Him in both.

You see, coming from the narrow to the broad doesn’t mean that we have achieved perfection. Wrong done still carries a huge impact in our lives. But God’s presence also carries an impact even larger than hurt and pain carries.

Time is ever so slow when we travel from the narrow to the broad place. There are many, many dangers. It’s easy to doubt God…to quit serving Him…to blame Him…to resent others…to gossip…

But the painful journey is also the perfect time to hear God speak to us through His Word. It’s a time for us to take one verse at a time and ponder it, apply it, and let God use those verses to heal us. It’s a time to learn to look to God and not to anyone else or anything else. The most disastrous events in our lives cannot hold a candle to the amazing grace and love of God that He delights in showing us, if we but let Him.

David, King of Israel, wrote these verses in II Samuel 22. He certainly saw his share of turmoil and rejection and danger and sin. Yet he also wrote this, in II Samuel 15:26:

“But if He (God) should say thus, ‘I have no delight in you,’ behold, here I am, LET HIM DO TO ME AS SEEMS GOOD TO HIM.”

Do you see what David was saying…what he was doing? David had a grip on God’s sovereignty, as Dale Davis says. Part of the journey from narrow to broad is being able to understand this: that we must be satisfied with letting God do to me what seems good to Him.

I did NOT say being satisfied with letting God do to me what seems good to ME.

Sometimes the cancer is not cured. Sometimes the prodigal does not come home. Sometimes the lay-off still happens. Sometimes the grave is where we visit the one we love. Sometimes restoration is not granted, as happened to us.

Yet regardless of all the “sometimes,” we can say that EVERY time, God knows what is best for my life.

So I hang onto Him, in total trust, and know that my good is of utmost importance to Him. My good may come at great cost, but it is also of great value for all of eternity.

I’m stretching in the broad place today, thank God!

And so can you.

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The Cold Snap

Last year, though, probably starting in March, I noticed that Little Bush didn’t look so healthy. Its leaves that always stay were falling off, until finally only stark, naked branches were there.

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This was quite unusual, and I was worried. Was I finally going to lose my long lasting little bush? Was there something that I could do to save it?

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So I waited and I observed. I checked my little bush routinely and sure enough one day I saw tiny new leaves emerging on the empty twigs.

As time went on and the days passed, the warm spring sun and the rains did their restorative work. Little Bush grew…

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And grew…

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Until finally Little Bush was back, as pretty as ever!

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I’ve had some cold snaps in my life, too…times and events that came unexpectedly and with little or no warning. Everyone has.

Cold snaps hurt. And they take many various forms.

An illness. A diagnosis. Sudden death. Lingering death. Rejection. Accusation. Betrayal. Job loss. Divorce. A prodigal. Regret. Guilt.

Cold snap. Recovery. Then another cold snap.

But through it all, our family verse brought us each the warmth and the hope that we needed: “God is our refuge and strength; a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1)

Where is God in our pain? Oh, He hasn’t gone anywhere! He’s a very PRESENT help in our trouble, remember? He’s right here with us.

God is near in our pain…near in our pondering…near in our praise that arises even out of hurt and unanswered questions.

I love these lyrics of Jeremy Camp’s song, He Knows:

All the bitter weary ways

Endless striving day by day

You barely have the strength to pray

In the valley low.

And how hard your fight has been

How deep the pain within

Wounds that no one else has seen

Hurts too much to show.

All the doubt you’re standing in between

And all the weight that brings you to your knees.

He knows

Every hurt and every sting

He has walked the suffering.

He knows

Let your burdens come undone

Lift your eyes up to the one

Who knows

He knows.

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The Surprise

I was walking through our vegetable garden one day in early summer, looking at the pretty little plants growing so nicely where Gary and I had placed them. There was the summer squash on the front row, along with some zucchini. The tomatoes were already inside their tomato cages that Gary had put up, and behind them were our okra plants. Cucumbers were on the side of the garden near the tall oak tree. We have a simple garden this year, not as full as it sometimes is, but enough for us and hopefully some to share with others.

Everything was where it should be, growing as we had hoped at this point, with no visible bugs or other problems that I could see. Weeds hadn’t started taking over yet, either, so I felt content as I turned to leave the garden.

But wait. What was this?

I stopped between the tomatoes and okra as I noticed a plant growing in a place where we had not put a seedling. It wasn’t a weed. It looked for all the world like……a cucumber? But what would a cucumber be doing here, when the rest of the cucumbers were all the way over on the other side of the garden?

I hadn’t planted it there. Gary hadn’t planted it there. Hmmmmm…….

I stood looking at it, wondering what to do. There are any number of ways that a cucumber seed from last year ended up under the soil and then growing again this year. I’ll never know for sure.

But what I did know was that I would not have planted that cucumber in the spot where I found it. It was too near the edge of the garden, for one thing. It might get all tangled up in the okra or try to climb the tomato cages. It might want to grow out into the yard where Gary mows. It might not flourish under the sunflowers that were soon to be planted right there where its leaves had sprouted.

Bottom line……that volunteer cucumber was just not at all where I would have put it. I didn’t want it there. I could think of all the reasons mentioned above that I didn’t want it growing where it had sprouted.

It hadn’t been in our garden plan at all. Now here it was, intruding in a place and at a time that I hadn’t intended for it to be. I hated to uproot a growing vegetable plant, however.

“Well, OK,” I thought. “I guess I’ll leave you here while I decide what to do. You’ll probably die anyway and then I won’t have a decision to make after all.”

And with that, I turned and walked out of the garden……my garden that now held a stray cucumber plant. A plant that messed up my plan. One that, honestly, I didn’t want.

I watched that vagabond cucumber plant over the next days…..days that became weeks. I left it where it was, more curious as time went on to see how it would fare. And guess what? My stray cucumber plant grew beautifully! In fact, it grew better than the other cucumbers that I had so carefully planned and planted on the other side of the garden.

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It wasn’t long before I saw the first tiny little spiny cucumbers growing under its leaves. I tended it carefully, pulling its curly tendrils away from the tomato cages…..guiding the growing vine out of the yard and back to the garden…..watching another of its vines growing up a tall sunflower stalk.

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The fruit of that unwelcome cucumber has been beautiful and sweet. We’ve benefited from it very much, and so have others with whom I’ve shared. I’m so thankful that I didn’t follow my first response and pull the cucumber from the soil! I’m thankful that I stepped back, gave it time, let it grow, and then enjoyed the sweet fruit…..and the lessons it has taught me.

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One thing we all know, if we live long enough, is that life is full of surprises. We can be going along just fine, things working out the way we had planned, when BAM!! We hit the proverbial wall. Suddenly, things are NOT going as planned. Now what?

As followers of Christ, we’re certainly not exempt from those detours in life. In fact, God does put situations and events and people into our lives for a purpose that sometimes only He knows. Maybe He’ll share it with us and maybe He won’t. So again, what do we do?

Do we try to fix it? Get rid of it? Ignore it? And if we can’t do any of those, do we argue with God? Get angry? Get bitter?

I mean, admit it, there are things that happen to us that that we just can’t see any reason for. Really, God? I would NOT have done that. I would NOT have put that situation in that place in my life at all. I mean, maybe another time…..another place…..or better yet, not at all!!

So, God, this wasn’t in my plan. I had my life pretty well mapped out, you know. Grow up….college….job….husband….kids…..family…..

I didn’t plan on Aaron falling back into my arms that Sunday afternoon 25 years ago, seizing and bleeding and unconscious. That was most unwelcome. I didn’t plan on being given his further diagnosis of autism 7 years after that. I mean, isn’t Epilepsy enough? I didn’t plan on still being his caregiver when he’s almost 33 years old. Don’t You know about empty nest? How welcome, on many days, THAT would be?

So…..this plant that You have placed in my life? Why did You put it there? I might agree to it in some form…..over there, in another area, to a different degree. Here….just let me decide where it goes and how big it grows, OK? Really, I would never have put it there in the first place…..in case You want to know.

But oh my goodness, what God has taught me over the years from that little unwanted seedling that popped up where I didn’t plan it!

What I’ve learned can be summed up with one verse in one of my very favorite Bible passages. Psalm 18:30:

“But as for God, His way is perfect.”

There you have it. Eight little words that speak incredible volumes about God and His sovereignty.

It doesn’t say that His way is easy…..fun…..pretty…..popular…..understandable.

Or fast. Gary and I are in this life with Aaron for the long haul.

We each have our own situations that God has put, just so, in our lives. As we stand and look at whatever that is, we must choose whether to accept God’s placement in our garden or to spend our life hating it.

But let me tell you, when you accept that God’s way is perfect and you let Him be that Master Gardener in your life, you’re going to one day see fruit. You’re going to see growth in your life that you never thought possible. You’re going to see beautiful fruit like peace, joy, thankfulness, wisdom.

And best of all, that fruit is what you’ll be able to share with others…..especially others who are suffering. Comforting as you have been comforted…..blessing as you have been blessed.

God does know what He’s doing, after all. His way IS perfect, and perfectly placed, in each of our lives.

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Laughing Again

Sometimes Aaron talks in his sleep. He has conversations that are so clear it’s as if he’s awake, talking to me or Gary. I hear him because I keep a baby monitor with me when Aaron is asleep, to listen for seizures. One recent morning, I heard this “sleep talking” from Aaron, and I quickly wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget.

“Mom,” he said. “In the movie theater, when I was laughing, I couldn’t see myself laughing. I want to see myself laughing…..again.”

I have no idea what he may have been dreaming that prompted this little conversation. But I sure have been thinking about it, wondering if deep in Aaron’s mind there is more meaning to this than I…..or Aaron…..knows.

Aaron goes through highs and lows emotionally as well as physically. Lately, we’ve been having more lows. He doesn’t want to go to his day group, Paradigm. Then he goes, and is at times verbal and physical with staff and clients alike. Sometimes he’s trying to tease and other times he is genuinely angry, but both times he can be hurtful. He does so much better one-on-one, and most times he doesn’t participate in the group activities. It’s just sometimes one thing after another during these low times.

Aaron is unfiltered. Sometimes it’s funny…..sometimes it’s not. He can tell you to shut up one minute, and the next minute be wanting to tell you something funny……and then wondering why you’re not laughing. He’s so complex!!! So frustrating!!! And so endearing and heart breaking, too.

He knows when he’s done something wrong, but he just can’t seem to stop himself from doing it first, before the knowing kicks in – in time to stop the doing. Make sense? That’s our world.

So when he said that he wants to see himself laughing….again….I had to wonder if he is deep down genuinely wanting to be happier, like he used to be more than he is now, and hopefully will be again.

When I pick Aaron up from Paradigm, I never know if I’m going to see happy Aaron:

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Or pensive Aaron:

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One night last week, I was so tired and so done with some ways Aaron was acting that I was the one who lost control. I laid down the law with him, but I did it through gritted teeth and a pointing finger. Yes, I was that tired and upset. So the next morning, Aaron stood by me and said, “Mom, I’m telling Barb that you grind your teeth!!”

Barb is his second mother – his favorite Paradigm person.

“I don’t grind my teeth,” I replied to Aaron.

“Yes you do!!” he asserted forcefully. “Last night you went like this!!” And he clamped his teeth together and bared his lips, much like a rabid dog.

Oh dear. Is that what I looked like to Aaron? Probably.

But more than how he said I looked, his comment was a glimpse into how it hurt him for me to respond to him the way I did.

I’m so thankful for every new day, and for God’s new mercies that He shows me every new day. Those are the same mercies I must extend to Aaron, hard as it sometimes is.

You know what’s really hard? It’s really hard to remember who has the special needs here. Sometimes Aaron is so high functioning that it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that his brain does not operate like mine. And also easy to lose sight of the reality that he deeply feels his struggles more than we can know.

A day or two after I gritted my teeth with Aaron, I noticed that our house was getting a little dark. The sun had been shining so brightly, but I looked outside to see a dark storm cloud forming right over our house. Then I heard thunder, and next came a few large raindrops. Nothing even showed on the radar at this point, but I sure saw and heard our little storm that soon moved on east of us and became a big storm in Wichita.

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And I thought of what a picture that is of life with Aaron. He can be our personal storm, loud and disruptive, and then move on to Paradigm to do more of the same there.

But on this day of our storm cloud, Barb had called to say that Aaron had a bad day. She said that her daughter, who has Barb’s kind heart, wanted to take Aaron to Wal-Mart. I agreed, and then when I picked him up later he was so very happy. He held a Dr. Pepper, and was full of laughter and talk about their little adventure. What a difference Casady made in Aaron’s outlook with that one simple kindness! The rain had ended and the sun was shining, both literally and in Aaron’s heart.

And this week, Aaron hurt his friend’s arm by being too rough as they were goofing off or as he greeted her…..I don’t know which. He broke his glasses in anger on the same day. Another storm cloud.

He didn’t go to Paradigm the next day. I took him to Carlos O’Kelly’s for lunch. It’s one of his very favorite places. We had a wonderful server who has two special needs boys. She was so good with Aaron, and I relaxed. I just watched Aaron eating his food. He loved every single bite. He asked to go to Best Buy. I’ve been saying no to that, but I agreed and off we went…..with Aaron happily pocketing two toothpicks to add to his toothpick collection.

He strolled through Best Buy, looking at this and that, and not asking to buy anything. He just wanted to look. It felt good to make him happy in such a simple way……lunch and Best Buy.

He’s so dependent on us for these times out…..and so dependent on us for his happiness. Despite our tiredness…..our frustrations…..our ineptness…..our failures…..he needs us.

I want to see Aaron growing, learning, controlling himself, being responsible. Like any parent, right? It’s just a little more difficult for those of us with these issues like we have with Aaron.

But I must agree with Aaron. Maybe on most days, more than anything, I want to see Aaron laughing again…..laughing from his heart.

And I want AARON to see himself laughing again, happy and having fun, knowing that he is loved. Loved by his Paradigm staff……loved by me and Gary…..loved by friends and family.

And most of all, created and loved by God.

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