Author: Patty hesaidwhatks

I'm Patty and I write about our adult son who has Epilepsy and Autism, who still lives with my husband and me, and who is a package full of many surprises and joys and challenges and TALK! Lots of talking, which creates laughter and some other reactions as well. I also write about how God shows Himself to me in everyday life.

My Mother and Aaron

Ten years ago, on Mother’s Day weekend, we held my mom’s funeral.  It was fitting for her to be honored during the weekend dedicated to mothers, but it was also heart rending.  Her funeral, conducted by my brother, was the sweetest funeral I have ever attended.  

For her funeral, John had each of the grandchildren write down their favorite memories of their grandmother.  Aaron couldn’t do that, so I wrote about the special relationship they had.  I want to share that now.

So many memories come flooding in when I sit and think of my mother and her relationship with Aaron, her special grandson.  Not that he was any more special than all the other grandchildren, but because Aaron has special needs.  Yet those special needs are what made him so very special to his Grandmother.  From a young age, Aaron was diagnosed with epilepsy and autism.  His curiosities and abilities were a joy to his grandmother.  I’ll never forget her delight at watching him in Colorado, before he turned two years old, showing her his letters and naming them correctly…and how surprised and delighted she was.  I remember our visits to Third Street and all the fun Aaron would have.  The sprinkler in the yard, helping Grandmother put together her famous homemade pizzas, playing with the big marble toy or Legos, and Cheerios in the living room coffee table drawer.  And spinach!  Mom fixed spinach one night and Aaron, thinking that spinach would make him strong like Popeye, kept opening the refrigerator door, pry open the plastic container of spinach, take some of that cold spinach out, grimace as he swallowed it, and then push the container back and close the door.  Mom just stood there outside the kitchen, peeking in and laughing so hard at Aaron as he repeatedly choked down that cold spinach. 

We visited for Christmas right after Dad was diagnosed with liver cancer.   Aaron watched Grandmother and Granddaddy open their Christmas presents.  One present they received was a plaque with a long poem about what cancer cannot take away.  Mom, knowing that Aaron could read very well, handed him the plaque and asked him to read it out loud to us.  Aaron read every word while we all cried.  It was a memory Mom often spoke of, with tears in her eyes.  

One more!  We came home in 2010 for Mom’s surprise birthday party.  Even then she was having a hard time remembering all the grandchildren.  But she looked across the room, saw Aaron, and her mouth and eyes opened wide.  “There’s Aaron!” she said with true joy.  That recognition meant so much to Aaron, even though he couldn’t really express it.  I could tell from the look on his face.  So, the night that we found out she had died, I reminded Aaron of that day when Grandmother recognized him from across the room.  Aaron just smiled and said, “Yeah.”  It wasn’t a long comment, but his smile and his joy were unmistakable.  

That is what Mom gave to him…a smile, joy, and great love.  

I am forever grateful that God gave us our mother to love each of us, but also to especially love our special Aaron.

Her smile, her joy, and her great love will always be a part of our lives.  

And for that, I am forever blessed and grateful.

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God’s Unseen Footprints

Our family has recently been going through some very wonderful times mixed with a big dose of some very scary and stressful times.  

We welcomed our new little granddaughter, Coralynn Grace, into our hearts and arms on April 16.  

But Andrea, who has some autoimmune health issues, had several complications that resulted in a C-section and a huge loss of blood.  Three days after she came home from the hospital, she had to be re-admitted for emergency surgery.  They discovered massive internal bleeding and a large hematoma.  Between the two surgeries, Andrea lost most of her blood volume.  When she was finally dismissed from the hospital, her surgeon said that no one knew how Andrea was still alive because usually that volume of blood loss causes cardiac arrest.  

There are many other issues going on in our lives and theirs currently that have increased the pressure we’re all under by a LOT.  

We’re very thankful for our sweet little baby girl and for God sparing her mama’s life while at the same time feeling like we’re all barely treading water.

During the beginning days of all this crazy time, I opened my Bible one morning and read a favorite Psalm of mine…Psalm 77.  This Psalm begins with words that described our feelings as this journey of ours began, words of worry and sleepless nights…of being so troubled that words would not come…of sighing, distress, and despair.

But then the Psalmist began to remember the past…of God’s wonders as He led Israel out of Egypt…of God showing His great strength…of the holy ways of God.

But those ways of God led Israel to the sea. “Your way was in the sea and your paths in the mighty waters,” the Psalmist said.  

And then this, the truth that I have loved for years in these verses:  “And Your footprints could not be seen.”  

God led His people not only TO the water, but He led them INTO the water.  And there His tracks, His footprints, seemed to end.  They could not be seen in the water.  

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And in our lives, this is where faith comes in.  My trust is not in the footprints that I can see. 

My trust is in the God Who is leading me where I can’t see His tracks.  

Sometimes we can’t see His footprints…..

In the cancer.

In the surgeries.

In the dementia.

In the terminal diagnosis.

In the job loss.

In the broken car.

In the wayward child.

In the broken marriage.

In death.

But God is there!  

Right after the Psalmist talked about God’s unseen footprints, he said, “You led Your people like a flock.”  

God loves His sheep, and He is leading us.  He hasn’t forsaken us, and He never will.  

Every unseen step through the deep waters we face is His leading us for our good now and for His glory as we point to Him and follow Him in trust.

I may not always feel the trust in the middle of great stress, but I keep following Him and speaking words of trust anyway.  

“Your way, O God, is holy; what God is great like our God?  You are the God Who works wonders; You have made known Your strength among the peoples.”   (Psalm 77:13-14)

Keep following! 

Keep trusting!

And someday you’ll look back and see God’s footprints all over your life.

Uncle Aaron and His Nephew Boy

Time for another installment in the ongoing saga of Uncle Aaron and Ryker, aka Nephew Boy.

Our exterminator, whom we’ve known for years, was at our house not long ago.  Aaron captured him…well, not literally but verbally…and decided to talk to him about Ryker.

“My nephew boy,” Aaron began and proceeded to tell George some news about Ryker.

“I have a nephew boy,” Aaron continued.  “Do you have a nephew boy?”

George did a great job of not laughing although the twitch in his mouth spoke volumes to us.  

I know why Aaron called Ryker his nephew boy.  It’s because soon our daughter will have a baby girl and so we have told Aaron that this little girl will be his niece…that a boy is a nephew, and a girl is a niece.  So, for that conversation, Ryker was Aaron’s nephew boy.

Aaron has come to accept and enjoy Ryker in a way that mostly warms our hearts.  I say mostly because there are still occasions when Aaron will get jealous at something we’re saying or doing with Ryker.

“You don’t do that with ME!” Aaron will say in a huff. 

And one day Aaron, for whatever unknown reason, got upset about his position in life.

“I don’t want to be the uncle,” he angrily asserted.

“But Aaron,” I replied, “you’re the uncle because you’re Andrea’s brother.  You can’t change that.”

“Well,” he said, “she MADE me be the uncle.  She didn’t ASK me!”

We’ve learned it’s best at these times to mostly listen and not try to reason too much with Aaron.  He eventually settles down and before long will probably be asking when Ryker is coming over again.

Of course, at this point Ryker is unaware of any animus from his Uncle Aaron.  Ryker is still at that precious innocent age when he loves everyone…and that definitely includes his Uncle Aaron.  He finds Aaron to be very fascinating and fun.  

Aaron gives Ryker lots of snacks.

Aaron lets Ryker see his really cool toys and gadgets.

Aaron’s room is the BEST place in the house!  There’s a jellyfish lamp and all sorts of squishy balls and flashlights and a frog light with glowing eyes and oh, so much more!

What’s NOT to love about Uncle Aaron?

Aaron is equally fascinated as he watches Ryker learn and grow, respond to him and talk, and eat.  Definitely eat!

Aaron gets right down on the floor with Ryker and watches him with great interest.

Ryker claps his hands when Aaron claps or yells like his Uncle Aaron when Aaron is in his room and lets out one of his funny loud sounds.

Ryker will have so much to learn about his special Uncle Aaron as the years go by.  We know there will be ups and downs with all that process, on both sides.  

It really won’t be that much longer before Ryker outgrows Aaron on every level.  I thought about that after I took a picture of Ryker and Aaron in our car.  Ryker loves sitting in the driver’s seat, turning the steering wheel and punching all the buttons.  

And there sat Aaron, always in the passenger’s seat, having fun watching Ryker play like he was driving.  

Aaron will never be in the driver’s seat.  

But one day Ryker will be.  

 I thought about how some day Ryker will perhaps be driving Aaron to Dairy Queen for his favorite Choco Extreme Blizzard or to Walmart to scour the aisles for a special treat.  

And I pray that God will use Aaron to enrich Ryker in ways that can only happen with a special person like his Uncle Aaron in his life.  

Rocks or Popcorn

Aaron loves rocks that he thinks are unusual.  Outside his day group, along the curb, are landscape rocks.  They grow much easier than grass.  Unless you have an Aaron, who eyeballs the rocks every day in search of THE one…or more than one…that he will pocket on that day.  The rocks are slowly dwindling with Aaron around, no matter how many times we tell him that he should not take…aka steal…any rocks.

These rocks have value to Aaron.  Some he thinks are diamonds or crystals even though we tell him they are not diamonds or crystals.  We tell him they are just normal rocks that need to stay in their rock home.  Still, he gathers the rocks and lately has been putting them in a large storage bag.

Tomorrow my husband is having shoulder replacement surgery.  We have kept this low key in order not to worry Aaron.  Aaron would be more worried about how this big change in our normal day would affect him instead of Gary but still, worry is worry.  

Or so we thought.

Last night, Aaron went into Gary’s study and handed Gary his bag of special rocks.

“Here, Dad,” Aaron said as he handed Gary the bag.  “I want you to take these to the hospital.”

Gary was so touched.  And he responded with such wisdom.

“Well, Aaron,” he replied, “I might be confused because of the drugs and think those rocks are candy.  If I ate one, I could break a tooth.”

Aaron thought for a second, took back the bag of rocks, and went up to his room.

Soon, he came back down.  He found Gary in the garage and handed him instead his bag of cheese popcorn that he was saving.  

“Here,” Aaron said again.  “I want you to take THIS to the hospital.”

Aaron’s love language has always been giving things to others.  In this case, Aaron won’t verbalize that he is concerned for his dad.  He probably won’t tell Gary that he hopes the surgery goes well.  He many even get frustrated during Gary’s long recovery at home because of the effects it will have on him and what he expects from Gary.

But we have a bag of cheese popcorn that speaks volumes to us of how much Aaron really does care.

And that’s as valuable to us as…as…diamond rocks!

Footprints

Not quite two weeks ago we had what might be our last snowstorm of the season.  One never knows here on the plains if that’s the case.  This storm came along with bitter temperatures and biting wind as well as the snow.

I reluctantly got out of bed on the second morning after the storm.  Lots of schools and other activities were closed, as well as Aaron’s day group, so it felt good to sleep in a little.  Still, it was hard to leave the warm bed for the colder house.  

As I so often do, I eventually went to one of our back windows to look outside at the view.  And was I ever surprised!  Something…or some things…had been very busy in our back yard during the night!  

I smiled at the sight of all those footprints.  What could have been walking in our yard while we slept?  There sure was plenty of evidence of lots of activity!

I have seen some other activity in my life recently.  God has been doing His work both in my heart and in the lives of others as He has answered some specific prayers.  

We all go through periods where our lives are like a dark night.  We have cold winds of worry or disappointment swirling all around us.  Fear knocks at our windows.  We can’t seem to see the way out or know the way to go.  

But for those who are walking with God, who are obeying Him and following Him, you are never alone.

You may not immediately see the image of his footprints in your life, but they are there.  As time goes on you will begin to see His presence in your life even when all seemed dark and cold and hopeless.  

God has promised to never abandon His children.  He is walking all through our lives, leaving His prints and His mark.  What He told Israel is still true for us today.

“The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you.  Do not fear or be dismayed.”  (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Just like I saw the evidence of all the unseen activity in our yard, so we can see the evidence of God’s footsteps in our lives.  

He has promised us His peace, not as the world gives, but the peace that passes understanding given by God Himself.

God has told us that the joy of the Lord will be our strength.

He has said that everything in the lives of His children works for our good.

God has promised to keep us safe, to bear our burdens, to make us glad, to make us new, to keep us near, and so many other precious promises.

Sometimes we walk through some very hard times, but God is right there going before us and beside us.  

We can trust His plan and His presence.  

His footprints are all over the place!  We can count on Him for that!

This old hymn says it perfectly.

Footsteps of Jesus

Sweetly, Lord, have we heard Thee calling,
Come, follow Me!
And we see where Thy footprints falling
Lead us to Thee.

  • Refrain:
    Footprints of Jesus,
    That make the pathway glow;
    We will follow the steps of Jesus
    Where’er they go.

Though they lead o’er the cold, dark mountains,
Seeking His sheep;
Or along by Siloam’s fountains,
Helping the weak.

If they lead through the temple holy,
Preaching the Word;
Or in homes of the poor and lowly,
Serving the Lord.

Though, dear Lord, in Thy pathway keeping,
We follow Thee;
Through the gloom of that place of weeping,
Gethsemane!

If Thy way and its sorrows bearing,
We go again,
Up the slope of the hillside, bearing
Our cross of pain.

By and by, through the shining portals,
Turning our feet,
We shall walk, with the glad immortals,
Heav’n’s golden street.

Then, at last, when on high He sees us,
Our journey done,
We will rest where the steps of Jesus
End at His throne.

Aaron’s Talking Points #16

I save some of Aaron’s funny sayings and conversations so that I can share them.  After all, my blog is titled He Said WHAT?!  These are older ones.  He talks so much, and I can’t keep up with sharing like I should.  Enjoy!

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Our newly widowed little 88-year-old neighbor came over for supper tonight. Just as we started to eat, Aaron looked at Gary and said, “Hey Dad, is sex a bad word?” 

Nice, Aaron. Really nice.

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Gary was trimming some branches from a tree.  Aaron was sitting nearby and some of the sawdust fell on him.  A couple days later Aaron said, “Mom, remember when that tree dust fell on me?” 

For crying out loud, even my trees are dusty!!

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Aaron has been wanting a Nintendo Switch. We’ve told him that we’re NOT going out to buy a Nintendo Switch. It costs $300.00, for heaven’s sake! He and Barb looked it up on her computer today.

Aaron: MOM!! The Nintendo Switch is $299.00! That’s not even $300.00!!!

In Aaron’s world, this is a huge difference. But not in mine.

😅 😅 💸

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Aaron was trying to talk me into giving him more money tomorrow since he’s going to Wal-Mart with his group. I said no and told him that he ended up giving money away half the time and he doesn’t need more. He then walked over to Gary, who was sitting at the table, and quietly said, “Do you agree with that?”

Oh, Aaron! I guess he hoped he had one more shot!

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Aaron: There was no new MacGyver on last night. It was an award of Emmy!

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After his doctor appointment today, Aaron and I went to Cheddar’s for lunch.

“MOM!! Are they taking those fish out of that tank and fixing them for lunch?!” 😲😬😂

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Aaron’s had some seizures the past two nights. He woke up very hungry.

“Mom!! When I got out of bed, my stomach felt skinny!” 😃😃

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When Aaron finally realized this morning that his fate was sealed and he was going to Paradigm, he became inpatient to leave NOW. Watching me quickly slap on some makeup wasn’t making him happy.

“Mom!! Dad’s stuff he puts on is quicker than yours!!” 😃

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Nearly every night when Aaron is FINALLY in bed and we have completed his bedtime routine, he will invariably have one more thing he must talk about before he can go to sleep. Sometimes I make it two or three steps up the hall before he says, “MOM??” Or, as was the case last night, I was just closing his door when he thought of that one more piece of info he needed before he could sleep.

Aaron: MOM??

Me (sighing, which Aaron doesn’t notice or care about): What, Aaron?

Aaron: So first there’s 12 a.m. and then there’s 12 p.m.

Me (thinking in my tired head and not saying it out loud): REALLY??!!!!

Me (what I really said): Yes, there is.

Aaron: So, during the night it becomes morning.

Pause from Aaron as he waited for my response.

Pause from me as I hoped he was done, and I could leave.

No such luck.

Aaron: So, during the night it becomes morning.

Me (whose brain isn’t ready for this discussion after 9:00 p.m. Actually, not at 9:00 a.m. either): Yes, Aaron, it’s something like that.

Aaron: How come?

Me (leaning against the door frame now because of the dreaded HOW COME question!!!): It’s because…that’s just the way time is! Good night and sleep well and I’ll see you in the morning and I love you.

Oh my goodness!! I said the words “night” and “morning” – but he didn’t seem to notice as I walked quickly down the hall.

Where does he come up with this stuff at 10:30 P.M.???!!!!

🙃 🌙 🌞 😆

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When we travel, we take snacks and then try to just eat out once a day. Aaron thinks that no one on a trip should just eat out once a day.

Aaron: I need to use the bathroom.

Gary: Ok. We’ll look for a place.

Aaron: I was thinking of a bathroom in a restaurant.

Smooth move, Aaron! Hahaha!!

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Aaron’s doing great so far as we drive to Houston. He’s excited to see Andrea and the doggies. He’s VERY excited at the prospect of eating out. Earlier this morning:

Aaron: Will we eat out on the way there? I’m talking about at a restaurant.

We said yes.

Aaron: We will do it for lunch, right?

Gary: Maybe for supper, too.

Aaron: Like what time is supper?

We told him we don’t know.

Aaron: So we would do it for lunch and supper, Mom?

Yes, Aaron.

At 10:37:

Aaron: I’m getting hungry, Dad. But I’ll wait til 12:00.

Aaron does not leave his schedule behind when we travel. 😊

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Aaron and I passed a convertible, top down and a dog enjoying the ride with his owner. 

Aaron: “Mom, do you like those kind of cars where the lid comes off?” 😁

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Aaron loves to listen to music in the van while I drive him to meet his group. This morning as we headed to the van he said, “Mom, can you play that Sarah that sings about that love thing?” 

Yep, Aaron’s all about relationships.

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Aaron loves to talk about our wedding picture and comments about how young I was or how skinny I was. 

His latest: “Mom, in your wedding picture your hair was thin.” 

Good grief! Even my hair has gained weight?! I’m hiding that picture!!

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Tonight Aaron told me that the alley where his group bowled last week was near Hoots.  

“Hoots?,” I asked.  

“Yeah”, he said.  “You know, Hoots! That restaurant you won’t let me eat at.” 

Oh my goodness.  It was another bite-my-tongue and try-not-to-laugh moment!  

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Our normal evening routine was disrupted tonight by waiting until it was nearly dark to light some sparklers and throw down some Pop-Its and then visit with our neighbors. When we came inside, Aaron still wanted to watch a Blue Bloods episode – we just started season one. It was late, but I said OK.

We finished watching it. When it was over, Aaron looked immediately at his watch.

“Oh my!” he said. “It’s 10:49!”

It’s good to end this day with a laugh. Time for bed! 😀💙

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We started the last leg of our drive home this morning. One of the first things Aaron wanted to know was what time we would be home, so we told him it would be around 4:00.

At 3:09:

Aaron: When will we be home?

Me: In about an hour.

Aaron: No. You said 4:00.

Gary: What time is it?

Aaron: 3:09.

Gary: Then it’s about an hour.

Aaron: No. It’s 51 minutes.

🕓❤😀

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Aaron’s decided that he prefers boneless meat. Yesterday he came running in from his group and his first question was, “Mom, what are we having for supper?” I told him that we were having T-Bones. Without missing a beat he asked, “Are they boneless?!” 

You know, Dillons was all out of boneless T-BONES so I had to get T-BONES with bones! 

This time I did laugh.

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And I hope that you have enjoyed some smiles and laughs like we have with Aaron’s comments and antics.  

‘Til next time!

Looking For a Smile

I was standing in the grocery store aisle one day when I noticed someone walking toward me.  I looked up to see an older woman headed my way.  I stepped back out of her way as she came nearer.  I noticed that she seemed to be trudging instead of just walking.  She looked burdened and tired.  Our eyes met and I gave her a smile.  She stopped in her tracks.

“Oh,” she said to me.  “I’ve been looking for a smile all day!  Thank you for giving me a smile!”  

And with that she returned my smile, her happy face beaming.  We talked briefly and left with a God bless you coming from both our joyful faces.  

It cost me nothing to share a smile with this dear lady, yet I felt like a million bucks as I walked away…and I dare say she did as well.

Sometimes smiles come easily.  Solomon talked about that in Proverbs 15:13 when he said, “A glad heart makes a cheerful face.”  

But at other times, I feel more like what Solomon described in the second part of that verse: “…but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.”

Aaron had an epic meltdown last night.  I ended up in joining him on the meltdown wagon.  That’s never a good feeling, for me or him, but especially for me.  My spirit did feel crushed last night with sorrow in my heart.  Guilty, too, and tired.  Gary and I both were spent.

Aaron woke up happy today.  He doesn’t seem to feel the residual effects of these occasions like we do.  Later, he and I went to the store.  There in one of the aisles, I saw two women coming toward us.  In their cart was a little dog.  I knew instantly what Aaron would do.

“Aaron,” I quietly said, “do NOT pet that little dog.  Those ladies may not want you to do that, plus that dog doesn’t know you.”

Aaron, surprisingly, didn’t reach out to pet the dog.  But he craned his neck like Gumby as we walked by, and the ladies couldn’t help but notice.  Then Aaron stopped to stare some more.  

And they smiled.

So, I told them that Aaron loves dogs and asked if he could pet their little guy.

“Of course!” one of them said.

Aaron was very happy, I was relieved and thankful, and the kind ladies smiled and smiled as Aaron gently stroked the dog’s fur.  Turns out his name was Little Bit, which Aaron and I loved.

I thanked them as we parted ways.  Later, as we left the store, we passed one of the ladies and she gave us a sweet, warm smile as she wished us a good day…and I did the same.  

I could tell they liked Aaron and understood that he was special, of course.  This small interaction soothed my sorrowful heart, pushing out most of the sorrow and replacing it with gladness.

This time I was the one in the store with the burden, but two kind ladies took the time to share smiles and Little Bit with a tired mom and a chuckling Aaron.

And I believe God notices more than a little bit those kindnesses that do more than we know to lift a tired heart.

Much To Them

Some time ago I was fixing Rice Krispie Treats.  Aaron stood and watched for a minute, and then asked if he could eat some marshmallows.  Since I have never been a big fan of eating marshmallows that aren’t in Rice Krispie treats or in my holiday fruit salad, I told him that I wasn’t sure if he would like them, either.  He wondered why.

“Well, they’re mostly puffed sugar,” I told him. “There isn’t much to them.”

“There’s much to them to me!” he answered in no uncertain terms.  

Aaron didn’t realize it, but he had perfectly described how he runs his life.  What would probably seem superfluous to us is not viewed that way at all by Aaron.  Let me give some examples of what is important to Aaron in his autistic world.  Not just important, but absolutely necessary.

Aaron set the table one Christmas.  Look at his multiple forks and spoons.  At least he arranged them neatly.  He always requires several forks, spoons, and sometimes knives, no matter what he is eating.  There’s much to them to Aaron!

There is also much to the number of plates and bowls Aaron wants when he eats.  I’m so thankful for my dishwasher!

When Aaron “goes to bed” at night he reads, listens to music, works on his sticker book, and sometimes plays a game.  He starts this routine early.  A big element of his bedtime is to arrange special items on his bed in just the perfect spots and order.  This includes a stack of greeting cards that he has saved over the years, a cat book that he isn’t reading but that he must have on his bed, his back scratcher, and various items.  I just shake my head but there is much to them to Aaron!

Aaron was eating a bag of popcorn the other day.  Look at the bag and you will understand why Aaron kept telling us, “I love ridiculously cheesy popcorn!”  Or “Tomorrow I want to buy more of that ridiculously cheesy popcorn.”  And “I seem to like this ridiculously cheesy popcorn.”  What seemed ridiculous to us meant much to Aaron.  What’s printed on the bag is part of the name, people!  We just smiled.

Yet there are times when the things that mean much to Aaron can cause great frustration and anger when they don’t work out as he expects.  One of the biggest issues for him is when his schedule is disrupted.  Whatever…or whoever…causes the disruption is often the object of Aaron’s deep frustration.  His tongue can be hurtful, and his anger can be deep when things don’t go his way.  We work on that all the time and praise him when he handles change well, like he did at Christmas.

It’s easy to get very frustrated with Aaron when he won’t budge out of his routine…won’t quit talking about the same topic of interest over and over and over…runs out to our neighbors when they’re taking a walk so he can talk to THEM about said topic…won’t wait patiently for hardly anything…and so many other issues.

Autism is so complex, and everyone is different.  Yet every single autistic person has those tightly held focuses that are “much to them,” and they are not going to let go of those things.  

It’s best to try to understand that fact and then work with them with as much love and understanding as you can muster.  

I know from many years of experience with Aaron that it isn’t always easy, but it’s always best to attempt to approach issues from his viewpoint to better understand why on earth he’s reacting the way he is.  

And always, eventually…when the dust settles…to show him by my words and actions that he matters.

To show him that his unique ways are worth my time…that “there’s much to them to me.”

And therefore, Aaron, “there’s much to YOU to me!”

Lessons From the Icicles

 

It’s been another very mild and very dry winter here in Kansas.  It’s felt and even looked more like spring than winter this year.  While it’s been nice not to find ourselves maneuvering over slick roads, we do need some moisture.  And boy, did we get it!  A huge storm plowed into Kansas this week, leaving us in our part of the state with at least 14 inches of beautiful snow.  We woke up to a world of glimmer as the sun shone brightly on the newly fallen snow.  The ground is encased in a sparkly white wrap, fresh and mostly untouched in our big back yard. 
 
I also noticed another result of our massive snow storm as I looked out of our upstairs windows.  There hang long rows of icicles.  They have their own unique beauty, all clear and shiny like hanging crystals.  No two seem to be the same shape as the once dripping water has frozen into various forms and sizes.  Icicles are fascinating to observe and can be very pretty when the sun is shining on them, causing them to gleam in the light.  But icicles also have another aspect.  They can be sharp and dangerous as well. 
  
This morning I saw that the icicles hanging on the front of our house were starting to drip.  They were melting because they were facing east, where the morning sun was beating down upon them.  There was not a cloud in the sky and even though the temperature was cold, the warmth of the sun was still able to reach into their icy coverings and begin the melting process. 
Soon I walked into another bedroom on the west side of our house, where the sun was not yet reaching.  There hung another long row of icicles, still firm and cold in the shadow of the morning.  The sun had not yet touched these frozen fingers of ice, so they were still solid and stiff.  They didn’t really even appear as shiny and beautiful as the icicles that were being touched by the sun.  These hanging jabs of ice seemed colder, even more harsh, than the icicles in the front that were warming in the sun.
 
These icicles reminded me of some of the lingering results of personal storms in my  life…….especially times that have involved the hurt inflicted by others.  I imagine that you have had those hurts as well.  We all experience that pain at some point in our lives.  If we’re not careful, those wounds can develop into icy slivers of bitterness in our hearts.  Where there was once the flowing warmth of relationship there is now the frozen stab of disappointment that has pierced our heart.  Sometimes the situation is private and no one knows about it but us.  Other times the hurt is very public and embarrassing, misunderstood and whispered about by others.  The results are the same, though.  The pain created by these wounds is still very intense regardless of how they occur.
 
Solomon wrote about these matters.  In Proverbs 14:10 he said, “The heart knows its own bitterness…..”  No one but us knows what is in our hearts.  We may appear to be fine and normal to others, but those icy shards of bitterness have frozen our hearts.  We dwell on the situation and rehash the hurtful words and scenarios over and over again.  Our heart knows its bitterness, so very well, and we become numb in our pain……….and numb to the other Person who also knows what is in our heart.  God knows…..and He does care very much about that chill that has encased us and frozen us. 
 
In Ephesians 4:31-32, there are several sins that God tells us to put away.  The first one listed is bitterness.  Then God says to “……be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other…..”  So how can I be kind and tender and forgiving to those that have hurt me so deeply?  How can my heart be warmed again when it is so frozen with injustice and pain?   Well, it’s not easy, but God tells us here that the first way to start is to remember that we are to forgive “……..just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”     How can I be unforgiving when I have been SO forgiven by God?  I am forgiven……..and I must be forgiving to others. 
 
When I take this first step and realize my position in Christ, then His light will begin to thaw that immobile, cold heart of mine.  Forgiveness here carries the idea of releasing.  I need to constantly release to God the people and the situations that have so chilled my heart.  Let Him bear my pain and let Him warm my cold heart.  And if those people are still present in my life, then I am to show kindness and tenderness.  Look for ways to serve, to be kind, and to be tender hearted……..not hard hearted with a frozen heart but to be tender and loving.  It’s not easy, but God will enable and give grace to do what is the most difficult. 
 
Soon l will hear a dripping noise and realize that my once solid, icy heart is thawing out under the warmth of God’s love and His enabling.  He won’t force me to allow His light to shine in my inner being, but if I open that door and allow Him in, then the melting will begin.  Slowly but surely the damaging icicles will dissolve as I focus, not on the other person or on the pain that they have caused, but as I focus on the light of God’s forgiveness and love in my once cold heart.

 

 
Shine Your light in my heart, O God, and let the melting begin!

My Adornment

It was Christmas Eve morning, and I was preparing for a day full of cooking and family fun.  The day before, I had pulled off my plan for an “Aaron day” without a hitch.  I wanted him to have time doing what he loves before all the commotion of Christmas wreaked havoc with his routine and therefore with his behaviors.  Our son and his girlfriend, just in for the holiday, joined us at All Star Sports for some Aaron-style fun.  Afterwards, we ate at Old Chicago, a favorite of Aaron’s.  It was a great time!

But early the next morning I heard Aaron having a big seizure.  This was a bed wetting one.  So mixed in with my cooking and all the other Christmas prep, I found myself hauling loads of bedding to the laundry room.  My main emotion was sadness for Aaron that day as he had two more big seizures over the next several hours.  

Yet these moments also drive home to me the fact that caregiving is my life.  It’s a life I never envisioned for myself when I contemplated marriage and motherhood as a young starry-eyed woman.

Every mother lives a life of self-sacrifice in many ways but having a child with special needs of whatever kind increases that role in ways she never knew.  Any caregiving role is the same.

That is why I was so impacted by some verses I read one morning.  Paul was talking to Titus about practical ways that we as believers are to live out the gospel.  In chapter two of Titus, Paul gave instructions to older men and women as well as to the younger men.  

He ended that section by urging slaves to conduct their lives in a way that they would “…adorn the doctrine of God.”

In that culture, slaves were nothing.  They were the lowest of the low.  Yet Paul told Titus to encourage them to adorn the doctrine of God, the gospel.

This is a high calling for such a lowly people!

The word “adorn” carries the meaning of arranging jewels in a setting that displays their beauty.  

I love what John Stott said about these verses:  “…the gospel is a jewel, while a consistent Christian life is like the setting in which the gospel-jewel is displayed; it can add lustre to it.”  

Our human tendency is to equate importance with the “big things.”  Red carpets, book signings, conference speakers, a record contract.  

Not with wet bedding, doctor visits, behavior issues.  

Not with dementia, hospice, hospitals, infusions, cancer…

But the gospel shines brightest in the darkest places.  This is where God is especially honored and given great glory.

How?  By our faith being seen in our service to the ones we are caring for.  By yielding to God’s plan for our lives with trust and peace, even through tears or anger or resentment that inevitably comes at those vulnerable moments.  

It’s a matter of my heart, not my surroundings.  

“Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO YOUR WORK HEARTILY, AS FOR THE LORD RATHER THAN MEN.”   (Colossians 3:22-23)

Where do you find yourself today?  

Remember that the seemingly lowest place is the place of high calling in your life as a believer.  

Even if we feel like no one notices our service, God still urges us to shine with the beauty of the gospel.  God notices and that is all that really matters.