Category: Special Needs Children

Aaron’s Lost Order

One day last week our exterminator was coming.  Aaron’s favorite storage place is his bedroom floor, so I had reminded him to clear his floor before we left the house.  

Soon a very upset Aaron came bounding up to me.

“Mom!!” he angrily said, “I lost the order of books!!”

When I walked into his room, I saw this.

His large stack of books had taken a tumble, ruining the careful order that Aaron had put them in.

I knew not to dismiss what to us would be no big deal.  To Aaron, this mayhem was a HUGE deal.

We got the books put on his bed as I assured him that he could restore the order when he came home later that day.

This is a perfect picture of our life with Aaron, more so lately than perhaps ever before.

Aaron has a rhythm to his life that he creates.  His routines and methods are vital to his happiness.  

We know better than to discount his routines.

There is always a balance in our life with Aaron as we seek to help him manage disruptions while at the same time validating his concerns…concerns of his that can lead to serious anger outbursts from him, which in turn lead to disruptions in our life.

Sadly, Aaron isn’t concerned about the effects he has on us.  Autism often manifests itself as narcissism in Aaron and in most others that I know who struggle with this condition. 

I have always said that physical disabilities are much easier understood than behavioral ones.

For instance, we have sadness and sympathy for Aaron when he has seizures.  The interruptions in our life that seizures might cause when we must change plans are clearly understood.

But when Aaron loses the order in his life that he has created he reacts with anger that sometimes becomes rage.  Nothing we say or do at that point has much if any effect.

I know when Aaron has a seizure that I can’t tell him to just wake up and come take a walk with me.  He understandably is unable to do that.

But I must also know that when Aaron has an emotional meltdown over something that has upset him, I can’t tell him to just get over it and stop being ridiculous.  He understandably is unable to do that either.

Except most of the time, at least on paper, his behaviors at those times are not understandable to most people.

My husband and I understand what is upsetting Aaron, most of the time, better than anybody.  

But again, those behaviors of his…goodness, they take a toll on us some days.

Autism surely is full of puzzle pieces, but we don’t have a picture on the box to tell us what the finished puzzle will look like.

And the pieces keep getting rearranged as Aaron’s order from day to day gets lost in one way or another.

Sometimes, though, a sweet picture starts taking shape from all those random pieces that we’re trying to fit together.

Despite lots of anger lately about having to fit his precious nephew and niece into his life and how their being here at our house causes his order to be mostly lost, he does often pull it together and shows his caring side.

Saturday evening, I watched Ryker climb up on Aaron’s bed and hand Aaron his current favorite Golden Book.

Aaron took the book and started reading Goldilocks and The Three Bears.  

When I read that book to Ryker, I use all the voices.  Papa Bear has a deep voice.  Mama Bear has a medium voice.  Baby bear has a little baby voice.  Ryker does the same when he “reads” it to us.  

When I read it to Ryker, though, we don’t make it through the whole book in one sitting because Ryker is soon off and running to his next adventure.

So, there was Aaron propped up in bed with Ryker kneeling on the bed nearby staring at him.  Aaron began to read Goldilocks and The Three Bears.

Except Aaron read the story with no inflection in his voice…no deep voice or medium voice or baby voice.  

No excitement.  No change in his voice when he read a question.  

Just a monotone monologue.  It was really hilarious.

And Ryker didn’t move a muscle.

Maybe he was in shock.  I have no idea.

But for the first time that I have seen at our house, Ryker let Aaron read the whole book.

I think Ryker senses a difference in Aaron but in his innocence, he accepts his Unkie Aaron just the way he is.

Oh, that we could all do the same!

Especially when Aaron’s life, like his stack of books, has lost its order and we think we might lose our minds.

Ryker let Aaron finish reading his book.

Sometimes we need to let Aaron finish his book with us, too…to try to understand him as we listen to his anger and his words.

To accept Aaron as he is while still trying to teach him and show him that there are other ways to manage life when he loses his order of books.

You Never Do That To Me!

One of Aaron’s biggest struggles is with jealousy.  And sadly, he is often the most jealous of the attention that we pay to our grandchildren.

Being Uncie Aaron is not always the joy to him that we hoped it would be.

On Saturday, Gary took Ryker for a ride around our yard on his riding lawn mower.   (No worries – the blades were up).  Sure enough, Aaron took note and soon said the all too familiar, “You never do that to me!”

So, Gary looked at Aaron and said, “Hop on!”

It was hilarious to look at Aaron sitting on Gary’s lap.  Aaron was really too big to fit and it was very awkward.  But good for Gary to give it a go!  And he could only go in reverse, which made it even funnier.  

How many times we have talked to Aaron about his place in our family as we assure him of our love!  

I was thinking about this as I continued my study in Nehemiah today.  Those that worked to restore the walls of Jerusalem, the temple, and the worship shared many various duties and positions.

Some were in high positions of leadership while others carried wood or cleaned up the many messes that were made.  Yet each person was appointed by God to the job he had for them.

Do you ever wonder about your place in life?  

Maybe you once held a position that is now gone.  

Or you never had a chance to prove that you could do what that other person is doing.  

Perhaps life has radically changed for you because of your health issues or age or finances or…you fill in the blank.

It’s so tempting to look at God and say, like Aaron, “God, you never do that for me!”

Comparison to others is the robber of joy.

Social media can be a real problem in this area.  I can be just fine and out of the blue see a post that makes me wish for something I don’t have.  

It can be any number of things, but the result is the same.

Ugly jealousy.

Discontent.

And if I don’t nip it in the bud, I might begin questioning God.

When we started our married life, Gary and I never dreamed that we would have a child with special needs.

Caregiving is not a life of leisure and does not allow for spontaneity in our lives.  Caring for Aaron is our life.  

We must consider him first in everything we do.

Your struggles are probably different from mine, but each of us do have those areas of raw questions that we may not share with anyone else but God.

Oh, but God!

He has given me that visual of Aaron riding on Gary’s lap to remind me that what I may desire is not His place for me.

I wouldn’t fit there.

God has put me here, where I am.  

If I don’t believe that then I am not living in obedience and trust to the God Who really does love me.

The God Who has put me in this place in His family for a specific reason.

So Lord, help me to get off that tractor where I sometimes want to be. 

Change my “You never do that to me!” to “Thank you for what you do FOR me in this place where you have put me!”

Much To Them

Some time ago I was fixing Rice Krispie Treats.  Aaron stood and watched for a minute, and then asked if he could eat some marshmallows.  Since I have never been a big fan of eating marshmallows that aren’t in Rice Krispie treats or in my holiday fruit salad, I told him that I wasn’t sure if he would like them, either.  He wondered why.

“Well, they’re mostly puffed sugar,” I told him. “There isn’t much to them.”

“There’s much to them to me!” he answered in no uncertain terms.  

Aaron didn’t realize it, but he had perfectly described how he runs his life.  What would probably seem superfluous to us is not viewed that way at all by Aaron.  Let me give some examples of what is important to Aaron in his autistic world.  Not just important, but absolutely necessary.

Aaron set the table one Christmas.  Look at his multiple forks and spoons.  At least he arranged them neatly.  He always requires several forks, spoons, and sometimes knives, no matter what he is eating.  There’s much to them to Aaron!

There is also much to the number of plates and bowls Aaron wants when he eats.  I’m so thankful for my dishwasher!

When Aaron “goes to bed” at night he reads, listens to music, works on his sticker book, and sometimes plays a game.  He starts this routine early.  A big element of his bedtime is to arrange special items on his bed in just the perfect spots and order.  This includes a stack of greeting cards that he has saved over the years, a cat book that he isn’t reading but that he must have on his bed, his back scratcher, and various items.  I just shake my head but there is much to them to Aaron!

Aaron was eating a bag of popcorn the other day.  Look at the bag and you will understand why Aaron kept telling us, “I love ridiculously cheesy popcorn!”  Or “Tomorrow I want to buy more of that ridiculously cheesy popcorn.”  And “I seem to like this ridiculously cheesy popcorn.”  What seemed ridiculous to us meant much to Aaron.  What’s printed on the bag is part of the name, people!  We just smiled.

Yet there are times when the things that mean much to Aaron can cause great frustration and anger when they don’t work out as he expects.  One of the biggest issues for him is when his schedule is disrupted.  Whatever…or whoever…causes the disruption is often the object of Aaron’s deep frustration.  His tongue can be hurtful, and his anger can be deep when things don’t go his way.  We work on that all the time and praise him when he handles change well, like he did at Christmas.

It’s easy to get very frustrated with Aaron when he won’t budge out of his routine…won’t quit talking about the same topic of interest over and over and over…runs out to our neighbors when they’re taking a walk so he can talk to THEM about said topic…won’t wait patiently for hardly anything…and so many other issues.

Autism is so complex, and everyone is different.  Yet every single autistic person has those tightly held focuses that are “much to them,” and they are not going to let go of those things.  

It’s best to try to understand that fact and then work with them with as much love and understanding as you can muster.  

I know from many years of experience with Aaron that it isn’t always easy, but it’s always best to attempt to approach issues from his viewpoint to better understand why on earth he’s reacting the way he is.  

And always, eventually…when the dust settles…to show him by my words and actions that he matters.

To show him that his unique ways are worth my time…that “there’s much to them to me.”

And therefore, Aaron, “there’s much to YOU to me!”

Am I Ready?

It was November 7, 1984.  Gary and I lived in Colorado Springs.  I was one week into my 9th month of pregnancy with our first child.  Gary had just returned home from flying his Army Cobra helicopter.  I headed up our stairs when a pain hit me.  Gary saw me from our bedroom as he was changing out of his flight suit.

“Now?” he asked with surprise.  

I soon knew that, yes, the time was now.  We hurried to Fort Carson and just a few short hours later we welcomed Aaron into the world…into our world.  

I had been busy making all his nursery items.  The yellow and white gingham curtains, bumper pad, and changing table cover were waiting on Aaron.  But there were still things to do, like putting the crib together and finalizing all the other details of his cute yellow duck nursery.  We just weren’t all the way ready for Aaron to join us three weeks early!

In so many other ways over the 40 years of our life with Aaron, I have found myself still not ready.  Not ready for this journey of Epilepsy, Autism, and having our adult son still living with us.  Not ready for the hundreds of ways that our life is not at all what we thought it would be as we held our little 6 lb. 4 oz. squirming bundle in that old military hospital on Fort Carson.

In so many ways, Gary and I are set apart from our peers even at this stage of our lives.  We are not free to come and go as we might wish.  Aaron is entwined in every decision we make.  And when I meet someone new and we are getting acquainted, the usual response when I tell them that we still have our adult special needs son living with us is, “Oh.”  Most people don’t know what to do with that scenario and so they quickly move on to other topics. 

Aaron can be so funny.  He is just who he is, too, especially in public.  But even that can be a bit embarrassing to us as he does his Aaron things, oblivious to what others are thinking.  Like sitting in the grocery aisle to examine his latest food find.

Or sitting on the floor in every waiting room now so that he can work on his sticker book, even rearranging a chair or table if needed.

I have thought a lot about Mary especially now as we retell the Christmas story at this time of year.  When Gabriel told her that she would become pregnant and give birth to Jesus, God’s Son, she humbly said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”  

She must have experienced so much embarrassment as her condition became known.  Did anyone other than Joseph really believe her story?  The gossip, the looks, the questions…how she must have been set apart from everyone in that small town.  

Mary gave birth far from home, surrounded by animals in a dirty stable.  Not even her mother was there to help her.  I doubt that the scene was like the ideal pictures we see on our Christmas cards. 

Then the move to Egypt to escape Herod and coming back to their hometown of Nazareth a few years later where everyone knew Mary’s story of her past.  

Was Mary ready to be the mother of Jesus?  Ready for the turmoil that surrounded Jesus? Ready for the fear as she watched Him being hated and persecuted?  Ready for the extreme heartbreak as she watched him tortured and put to death?  

I doubt that she was.  But she had already made the most impactful decision of her life when she yielded to God’s will for her life.  

That same yielding to God is what brings me the deepest peace as well, even in the fear of Aaron’s seizures.

Peace, eventually, during the frustrations of his behaviors.

I know, and so can you, that “…the God of peace…even Jesus our Lord, will equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever.  Amen.”   (Hebrews 13:20-21)

We don’t know what it is that will please God in our lives.  

But we can be ready if we know and follow Him, trusting our loving God as we, like Mary, say, “May it be to me according to Your word.”

The best gift we can give Jesus is our heart and our will.

May each of you have a very blessed Christmas season as we celebrate the birth of such a Savior!  

No Water! No Deal!

Wednesday morning seemed just like any other morning until my husband stepped out onto our back patio and discovered water bubbling up into our back yard and between our bricks on the walkway.  Oh boy!

Gary was able to cut the water off at the meter and line up a plumbing company.  They came, did a lot of looking and some digging and some poking and some figuring.  Then we did some questioning and some signing and some down payment paying…only to be told that they couldn’t get to the job until the following Tuesday.  What?!  

That’s a LONG time without water!

So, we did some calling and some discussing and some cancelling and some finding of new plumbers.  

We also did some filling of large water containers that Gary wisely has had on hand for just such emergencies, turning on the water just long enough to get the job done.

The new plumbers came the next day and got right to work.  They worked late, digging and examining in a trench that starts in our back yard, wraps around the side of our house, and ends near the street in our front yard.

There were bumps along the way, like damaging a sewer line that thankfully was an easy repair but meant no flushing all day Friday.  TMI, I know, but I’m just being real.  And it was getting real bad!  

Location services had to come out more than once to correct mistakes they made in locating the cable and other lines.  That’s comforting, right?

The workers were so nice and a pleasure to have around.  They worked very late Friday night and were able to get our water back on!  You can guess the first thing I did.  Actually, it was the first three things I did…flush our three toilets!!  And clean like a mad woman!

The plumbers were coming back on Saturday to hopefully finish the job, but heavy rains during the night and all day Saturday put a stop to that.  Now the trench is full of water and the continuing rains leave us unsure of when the work will be completed.

But we have water!!  And more importantly, Kansas has gotten some MUCH needed rain.  We are not complaining!

As this all progressed, we were concerned about how Aaron would handle it.  Having no water is a huge deal, and huge deals are often a no-deal to Aaron.  He surprised us, though, with how well he did.  He was intrigued with the digging and getting to see the pipes under the ground.  The workers were so kind to him.  They got a kick out of his excitement.  The supervisor even saved the ruptured piece of pipe to show it to Aaron and explain what had happened.  

But by Friday morning Aaron was close to being done with all the no water business.  I knew we were near a boiling point with him when he told me that he was NOT letting me have any of his Halloween candy like he had promised the night before.  

And to finalize his decision, he added:  “I am NOT making a deal with you, MOM!!”

Imagine my surprise when later he walked in the room and laid this on the desk in front of me.  

He chuckled and rubbed his hands together.  

“We don’t need a deal,” he said.  

“You want me to have this?” I asked.

“Yes!” he answered.  “Eat it!” 

He understood when I told him I would wait…that candy first thing in the morning is too much for me.  

All this situation with having no water, though, has made me think about something that has been on my mind a lot since the horrible hurricane damage in the southeast.  I have thought and thought about the impact of such terrible personal destruction on those with special needs.  

How on earth are they surviving?

How are families handling the upheaval and its effects on their special family members whose whole world has been turned upside down, destroyed, and perhaps forever gone?

My friend in western North Carolina talked to me about her daughter who has autism, how she stepped up to the plate at the beginning and was so helpful at home and with neighbors.  But as time went on it was getting harder and harder to handle the constant pressure and stress of routines being completely disrupted and of doing things not normal for her.  Then come meltdowns and anger, which are terribly difficult for the family already dealing with more difficulties than imaginable.  

I have wondered what Aaron would be like in a situation like this, where everything he knows and expects and demands is gone.  I can’t even fathom it.  A couple days without water and he was approaching the done point.  Imagine everything being gone for weeks and weeks, forever even, and what that would do to him.

Imagine the untold number of families in these areas whose special children or other family members are enduring just that, a million times worse than our small inconvenience.  

So many special needs individuals with so many needs that are special to them.  Needs they can’t control but that must be met as much as possible.  

How they need our prayers!  

Let’s not forget them.  

Stepping Into the Mist

Several years ago, I turned onto a road near our house, and this was the scene that met my eyes.

I couldn’t see very far ahead.  And even though I knew the road, I didn’t know what might be on the road out of my sight.  The fog hid what was there, beyond my vision, but I knew I needed to go forward.

If you know Jesus as your Savior and are following Him, you know that there are certain times that He puts you on a road that is shrouded in the unknown.  I see it around me all the time, either with family and friends, or those that I don’t personally know.  And I have experienced it in my own life.

I will never forget the day that Aaron had his sudden first big seizure.  We were living in Germany where Gary was stationed in the military.  Aaron’s seizure was completely unexpected and terrifying.  I remember the cold fear that squeezed my heart.  Then came the ambulance ride, the days in the German children’s hospital, the language barrier, the exhaustion, and the shocking diagnosis of Epilepsy.  

But I also remember our first night back home, when I could finally sit at my desk and cry the tears I had held back all week.  And there it was…God’s amazing peace filled my hurting heart.  He reminded me that He had not gone anywhere…that He was with me and with Aaron…and that He was the same God whose character I had known for many years.  He had not changed one bit.  He had a reason for this unexpected bend in the road…this fog that I could not see through still held Him there with me.  

I could freeze in fear or be angry with God or be bitter about why He allowed such a thing to happen to our little Aaron.

Or I could step out in faith and trust in my heavenly Father.

I love what F. B. Meyer said: “There is nothing, indeed, which God will not do for a man who dares to step out upon what seems to be the mist; though as he puts down his foot he finds a rock beneath him.”

Moses knew this about God when he spoke to the assembly of Israel:

“For I proclaim the name of the Lord; ascribe greatness to our God!

The ROCK!  His work is perfect, for all His ways are just.

A God of faithfulness and without injustice, righteous and upright is He.

(Deuteronomy 32:3-4)

Whatever you are going through today, know that if you are following God, He will be your firm rock in the mists of fear and uncertainty.  

You will find a rock beneath your feet and that rock is God Himself.

And some day you will see that same road clearly, in all its purposes, as the best plan that God could ever have for you.

Cue The Music, Aaron…Or Not

Aaron and I were hurrying out the door a couple mornings ago so I could take him to Paradigm, his day group.  I kept feeling like we were forgetting something.  We were three miles from the house when I remembered what we forgot.

Aaron’s wallet!  

He absolutely loves his almost daily excursion to Quik Trip, where with his seven dollars he has his pick of foods…mostly of the junk variety.  Forgetting his wallet would not do!  I could have given Aaron some money, but all I had was a $20 bill, and believe me when I say that Aaron would have spent $19.99 on that junk variety food.

I reassured a panicked Aaron that we would go back to get the wallet as I headed for the next exit.  He was very relieved.

Immediately he reached over and turned off the music that was playing.  I knew why he did that, but just to test my theory…or more like a confirmed fact based on years of solid experience…I slyly reached down after a few seconds and turned on the music.

He didn’t miss a beat and neither did Whitney Houston as his arm shot out and pushed that off button once more.

“I’ll turn the music back on after we get my wallet,” he informed me, not knowing that I could have told him that about himself. 

This little episode is just one of the many ways that autism affects Aaron’s life.  He lives by a strict set of rules that sometimes only he understands but that we must obey if his life…and therefore, ours…is to be happy.

He does this same thing as we go to Meals on Wheels every Thursday.  He won’t play his music until we have picked up our food at the Senior Center and are actually beginning our route.

The wallet episode may have been a different situation, but the same rule applies.  Our diversion to go back home for his wallet had interrupted our trip to Paradigm.  This interruption was not a part of the actual drive.  Since his music is to be played on the actual drive, that music must not be played on the non-actual drive.

Are you following?

If you lived with Aaron, you better be!

It’s a matter of principle with Aaron.  

He follows this principle when we are watching a program.  Aaron will have his snack ready.  The bag or jar will be open.  The plate of food will be placed on his ottoman or his lap.  His napkins are nearby in their holder and his multiple pieces of silverware are ready to go.  His drink and straw are within easy reach.

But nothing is touched until the first scene of the show…and most critical, the opening credits…are completed and the real honest-to-goodness show has begun.

I have sat nervously by as his ice cream started melting before he will pick up his spoon and start to eat.

It does no good for me to try to make Aaron hurry up and eat, or turn his music back on, or change any other scenario of his life in which this principle applies.

Not even my deep sighing has any effect on Aaron.  He probably just thinks Mom is old and weird.

I love seeing these intricacies of the autistic mind that Aaron has.  Even when his internal rules drive us crazy, they are still very fascinating to observe.  And understanding those rules and allowing them when we can, makes Aaron’s life… and ours…much easier to navigate.

He not only follows the beat of a different drummer, but he also tells the drummer when he can beat his drum and when he can’t!  

Roses in the Right Hands

Yesterday, Aaron and I had so much fun making our annual delivery of Valentine roses to Paradigm, his day group.  The roses are given by our local Dillon’s store, made possible by our sweet friend, Jody.  

I have more fun with this than Aaron does.  He gets nervous about it, wanting things to go just so-so according to his perceived plans.

“Mom,” he told me on our way to Paradigm, “boys shouldn’t get roses.”

“Boys can have a rose if they want one,” I replied.

“But I see only women as being for roses,” he countered.

Oh Aaron.  

So, you can see that Aaron had his mind made up about how this should operate.  I gave him a little pre-event briefing as we drove there, and all was well as far as the guys getting a rose from Aaron.

The roses put smiles on many faces on this Valentine’s Day.  I never capture it in pictures the way I would like but here are a few shots.

Even Piper, the dog, had a rose offered to him by Aaron.

When I watch Aaron’s friends, either at Paradigm or elsewhere, I am so touched by each of their physical struggles.  Recently, Aaron casually mentioned a big change for one of his friends.  It hit me hard.  I wanted to hide behind a closed door away from Aaron and just cry for this dear person.

I watch these special friends of Aaron’s when I pick him up at the end of his day.  Many of their struggles are physical and easily seen.  Some are not so visible but are there just the same.  

I am inspired by their strength amid their daily difficulties…how they accept their situations and keep going…how they laugh and hug and give of themselves to each other.

I saw a quote about a rose that I loved.

“A rose doesn’t talk about its beauty; it just shows it.”

When I look at our special ones, I see a unique kind of beauty.  They don’t know how beautiful they really are…beautiful in the ways that count.  

They don’t talk about their beauty, but they certainly show it in how they love and how they live with resilience and acceptance and strength.  

They’re not held up by the world as models of fame and beauty.  

They don’t swoosh in on a red carpet, cameras flashing, people clapping, gushing with their own vain glory, the subject of tomorrow’s headlines and news reels and parades.

But oh, they show a beauty that far exceeds the gaudy, self-serving lives that are idolized by so much of the world.  

I would give them a million roses if I could, but I hope that the one rose they received yesterday reminds them that they are the true beauties of this world…and they show it every day without saying a word.

Skittles and A Super Bowl Ring

Nearly every day that Aaron is at his day group, one of the staff will take him the short distance down the road to the nearby Quik Trip.  This little outing is the highlight of Aaron’s day.  He loves picking out what food and drink he will buy.  

Aaron especially loves Skittles, but his picky mom (ME!) has told him that he does not need to buy Skittles every day…and he definitely does NOT need to spend the majority of his money on the big bag of Skittles.  A small bag of Skittles a couple times a week is OK.

Aaron has made this rule of Mom’s a big deal.  A very big deal.  He has talked it to death with me…teased relentlessly about buying Skittles when he didn’t buy them…told the staff over and over and over again about how “Mom said NOT to by Skittles!!…and I am quite sure, has talked loudly and clearly to the Quik Trip staff about how his Mom said not to buy Skittles.  

During Christmas, Aaron was taken on his regular trip to Quik Trip.  And guess what?  He was given a special gift from the workers there.

You can probably guess what it was.  

A very BIG container of yummy Skittles!!

Just look at Aaron’s face and you won’t need me to tell you how happy he was.

How I laughed when I saw these pictures!

But more than laughter, I was so touched by the kindness of the Quik Trip workers who obviously have gotten a kick out of talkative Aaron’s Skittles stories. 

What a very nice thing for them to do!

Fast forward now to last week.  Aaron and I had run into our nearby Dillon’s, where he hightailed it to the deli counter as soon as we walked in the door.  I finally caught up to him, only to see him bent over rubbing his hands together and talking loudly in great delight.

“MOM!!” he nearly yelled, “they have Cheddar Pasta Salad today!!!”

Aaron’s love of Cheddar Pasta Salad is well known among the deli staff.  Actually, it’s well known among many of the Dillon’s staff in other departments as well because Aaron makes sure that everybody is at the receiving end of his talking.  

So, on this day I agreed to let him buy a Cheddar Pasta Salad…a LARGE!!…of course!

The very nice woman behind the counter has been getting to know me and Aaron.  She is very patient with Aaron no matter how busy she is.  She has experience with autism because of her own young son.

She happily filled the large container to the brim with the salad while Aaron excitedly oversaw her every move, all the while eagerly talking to her about the upcoming super bowl game.  She told us how busy the deli was as they were preparing platters for the game, and then asked if we would like to see one of the deli trays she had just made.

She showed us the pretty tray and pointed out the super bowl ring that was part of the decoration on the side.  

“Hey Aaron,” she said, “would you like a super bowl ring?”

“Yeah!!” he eagerly answered.

She handed him a ring and he put it right on his finger, a smile spread across his face.  

At Meals on Wheels a couple days later, he wore that ring and showed it to everyone on our route.  

There it was on his finger while we ate our burgers later.  

And I was impressed with how the kindnesses shown to Aaron in these two experiences also show the caring hearts in so many people that cross our paths.  Kindness doesn’t have to come in the form of giving Aaron things, either.

Kindness is also shown by a smile.

Or by not staring at Aaron like he is some sort of oddity.

And certainly, by being willing to listen to Aaron if he happily corners you somewhere with talk of his latest game or book or movie or SKITTLES!!

Being kind to our special son is a huge gift to not only Aaron, but to those of us who love him so much as well.

All our special people will thrive under the sunlight of love and kindness that shines down on them from those we encounter every day.

I am very thankful for those that know this and practice it in our lives. 

Pass the Skittles, Aaron!

Good in My Nazareth?

Tis the season for the Christmas story to be at the forefront of people’s lives.  And in the forefront of that story is the little town of Nazareth.  Gabriel was sent there to tell Mary that she was the one whom God had called to bear and give birth to His Son, Jesus.  

Nazareth…a very small dusty town.  Pretty much a place one would pass by rather than linger there for any reason other than to perhaps get a drink of water.  Larger, more exciting towns were nearby.  

Years later, when Jesus was calling His disciples, Philip went to find Nathanael.  He told Nathanael that they had found the One foretold by Moses…Jesus, of Nazareth.

Nathanael’s response?

“Can any good thing come out of Nazareth?”

That seems to be the reputation of Nazareth in a nutshell.

But Mary lived there, and her betrothed, Joseph.  Two unknown people in an unknown town…a town nowhere mentioned in the Old Testament or early Jewish literature.  

But the angel said that Mary had found favor with God.

How?  How do you make a name for yourself in Nazareth, of all places?

But that’s just it.  Mary didn’t set about to be noticed by God.  She wasn’t trying to do great things.  She simply lived her life for the glory of God in every mundane daily task that was a natural part of living in Nazareth.

Less than an hour ago I stood by Aaron as he had his third seizure in four hours.  This one was very hard.  My heart hurts.

Afterward, I sat by our Christmas tree and pondered this life that God has given me.  In many ways, I can say that this is my Nazareth.

I have had a taste of the “other” side of life.  Awards, travel, lots of ministry, etc., etc.  

But as time has gone by, my world has narrowed a lot.  The life of a long-term caregiving parent is not exciting.  It is not a life that others point to as they wish they had MY life.  

And all of my fellow caregiving friends know “the look.”  It’s the look that crosses a person’s face when they ask what you do or if you can join in this or that, and you tell them your situation.  So often there is no real understanding.  Sympathy, perhaps.  Compassion, sometimes.

But it’s like they don’t know what to do with you.  

Kind of like being from Nazareth.

But God has a purpose for each of His children in His kingdom.  Even us Nazareth folk.

For God says that He works all things for good in the lives of His followers.  

I have good purpose, right here in my Nazareth.

For every piece of wet bedding washed, every meal cooked, every bathroom cleaned, every doctor appointment, favorite show watched and game played, every story listened to for the 500th time – is just what God has for me to do where He has put me.

He put Aaron with us.  I can look at my life with him as my ministry or as a misery.

Human nature makes us feel that we’re not really being of value unless our calendars are full of events and we are free to come and go as we choose our opportunities.  And this is wonderful for many people.

But for my other Nazareth people…whatever your Nazareth is…know that there ARE good things that come out of Nazareth.

Claim your purpose where God has placed you!

Be faithful there in the messy and the mundane.

In so doing, you are bringing delight to God…and there is no higher calling.

Even in Nazareth.