Category: Family

Aaron’s Lost Order

One day last week our exterminator was coming.  Aaron’s favorite storage place is his bedroom floor, so I had reminded him to clear his floor before we left the house.  

Soon a very upset Aaron came bounding up to me.

“Mom!!” he angrily said, “I lost the order of books!!”

When I walked into his room, I saw this.

His large stack of books had taken a tumble, ruining the careful order that Aaron had put them in.

I knew not to dismiss what to us would be no big deal.  To Aaron, this mayhem was a HUGE deal.

We got the books put on his bed as I assured him that he could restore the order when he came home later that day.

This is a perfect picture of our life with Aaron, more so lately than perhaps ever before.

Aaron has a rhythm to his life that he creates.  His routines and methods are vital to his happiness.  

We know better than to discount his routines.

There is always a balance in our life with Aaron as we seek to help him manage disruptions while at the same time validating his concerns…concerns of his that can lead to serious anger outbursts from him, which in turn lead to disruptions in our life.

Sadly, Aaron isn’t concerned about the effects he has on us.  Autism often manifests itself as narcissism in Aaron and in most others that I know who struggle with this condition. 

I have always said that physical disabilities are much easier understood than behavioral ones.

For instance, we have sadness and sympathy for Aaron when he has seizures.  The interruptions in our life that seizures might cause when we must change plans are clearly understood.

But when Aaron loses the order in his life that he has created he reacts with anger that sometimes becomes rage.  Nothing we say or do at that point has much if any effect.

I know when Aaron has a seizure that I can’t tell him to just wake up and come take a walk with me.  He understandably is unable to do that.

But I must also know that when Aaron has an emotional meltdown over something that has upset him, I can’t tell him to just get over it and stop being ridiculous.  He understandably is unable to do that either.

Except most of the time, at least on paper, his behaviors at those times are not understandable to most people.

My husband and I understand what is upsetting Aaron, most of the time, better than anybody.  

But again, those behaviors of his…goodness, they take a toll on us some days.

Autism surely is full of puzzle pieces, but we don’t have a picture on the box to tell us what the finished puzzle will look like.

And the pieces keep getting rearranged as Aaron’s order from day to day gets lost in one way or another.

Sometimes, though, a sweet picture starts taking shape from all those random pieces that we’re trying to fit together.

Despite lots of anger lately about having to fit his precious nephew and niece into his life and how their being here at our house causes his order to be mostly lost, he does often pull it together and shows his caring side.

Saturday evening, I watched Ryker climb up on Aaron’s bed and hand Aaron his current favorite Golden Book.

Aaron took the book and started reading Goldilocks and The Three Bears.  

When I read that book to Ryker, I use all the voices.  Papa Bear has a deep voice.  Mama Bear has a medium voice.  Baby bear has a little baby voice.  Ryker does the same when he “reads” it to us.  

When I read it to Ryker, though, we don’t make it through the whole book in one sitting because Ryker is soon off and running to his next adventure.

So, there was Aaron propped up in bed with Ryker kneeling on the bed nearby staring at him.  Aaron began to read Goldilocks and The Three Bears.

Except Aaron read the story with no inflection in his voice…no deep voice or medium voice or baby voice.  

No excitement.  No change in his voice when he read a question.  

Just a monotone monologue.  It was really hilarious.

And Ryker didn’t move a muscle.

Maybe he was in shock.  I have no idea.

But for the first time that I have seen at our house, Ryker let Aaron read the whole book.

I think Ryker senses a difference in Aaron but in his innocence, he accepts his Unkie Aaron just the way he is.

Oh, that we could all do the same!

Especially when Aaron’s life, like his stack of books, has lost its order and we think we might lose our minds.

Ryker let Aaron finish reading his book.

Sometimes we need to let Aaron finish his book with us, too…to try to understand him as we listen to his anger and his words.

To accept Aaron as he is while still trying to teach him and show him that there are other ways to manage life when he loses his order of books.

Uncie Aaron…His Buddy and His Burden

Time waits on no man, Chaucer said.  Time waits on no child, either.  We see this clearly as we watch Ryker growing.  Pictures from a few months ago compared to now show his physical growth.  New words and speaking in sentences show his intellectual growth.  

It brings joy mixed with a dose of sadness as all parents and grandparents know very well.

Ryker and Aaron’s relationship is also growing with time.  We have seen great strides on Aaron’s part in his friendship with his little nephew.  

Sometimes Aaron sees Ryker as his buddy.

Aaron still loves giving Ryker snacks.

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He didn’t even mind Ryker taking his favorite chair one day.

They play funny make-believe games.

Wear goofy hats of Aaron’s.

Watch cars zoom down the track.

Do chalk drawings.

Laugh at silly cartoons.

Thoroughly enjoy water balloons.

Blow dandelions.

Play music.

Occasionally share the playset.

Fly a plane.

And one of the best is when they watched our fireworks on the Fourth.

It’s just the cutest thing to see Aaron look at Ryker and say, “Ryker!  Come on!”  Then to see Ryker bolt as fast as he can on his little legs to run with Aaron up the stairs to Aaron’s room where all sorts of fun and unique gadgets await his exploration.  

And snacks that are new to Ryker!  Dots!  Red Hots!  Pistachios! 

And gum!  

So, you can see that we must monitor things closely, sometimes much to Aaron and Ryker’s frustration.

But for all the positive steps forward, Aaron still carries the burden of his autistic way of processing his world and how others impact it.

Aaron sends mixed signals to Ryker.  One minute he might be happily allowing Ryker to play with one of his cool toys and the next he might yell no to Ryker for touching another treasured item.  

Aaron can be hurtful with his words during those times, and inappropriate.  

Therefore, we must also monitor those moments as we try to foresee certain triggers that might upset Aaron.  We’re just never totally in the clear and probably never will be.

Yet, again, the progress Aaron has made truly gives us much for which to thank the Lord.  

The challenges cause us to seek God’s patience and wisdom as well.

Speaking of prayer, this has been one of the sweetest and funniest areas of Uncie Aaron and Ryker’s relationship.  

Aaron has never forgotten a silly prayer that he heard in an old Don Knott’s movie when he was a child.  He sometimes yells it out when we get ready to ask the blessing before eating.

“Rub-a-dub-dub!!  Thanks for the grub!!” 

No amount of correction on our part has kept Aaron from blurting that out sometimes.  So, you guessed it.  One day as we all sat at the table and joined hands, Aaron gleefully yelled, “Rub-a-dub-dub!”

And Ryker, without missing a beat, chirped “Rub-a-dub-dub!!”

Let’s close our eyes to pray now…and let the adults grin real big!

Every night as part of Aaron’s bedtime routine, we join hands and pray.  Ryker has joined us before.  One night I asked Ryker if he wanted to pray with us, so he scurried up on the bed, took our hands, and immediately launched into his own prayer.  We didn’t understand much of what he said, but it was precious in God’s eyes, I know, and certainly in ours.  

Andrea shared with us Ryker’s prayer one night at their house.  I had come over to help with the baby.  Laying in his bed before he went to sleep, Ryker prayed:

“Dear Jesus, dank you Gramoo.  Dank you Uncie Aaron.  Dank you donuts.”

Out of the mouths of babes.

Dear Jesus, dank you Uncie Aaron.  Even in the frustrations…the continual training that sometimes never seems to take hold…the corrections…the monitoring…

May we see the joy he also brings…the laughter…the delight at the simplest things that we often overlook.

And the huge progress he’s made in his role as Uncie Aaron.

Let’s not forget donuts!

Rub-a-dub-dub!!

Burping and Serving

A friend posted a story on Facebook today that deeply touched me.  A prisoner talked about the huge impact made on a rough group of fellow prisoners and himself by none other than a nondescript janitor who had worked for years at the prison.  This little woman spoke to those hardened men as she held her broom and her words were used by God to pierce their hard hearts with the gospel.  

He said, “Because that janitor, a woman without a title, without a stage – she delivered a sermon that still gets me choked up.  She didn’t come to save us.  She came to serve.  And in doing so, she became the loudest gospel I’d ever heard.”

Our family has been through some tough times lately.  Even though the worst is hopefully over, by God’s grace, things are still upended in several ways.  Last week I knew that we were entering into a time where we as parents and grandparents would be needed daily.  I was wondering how we would do it all.  My wondering and planning were quickly turning into worry, and even into dread.

A week ago yesterday was the first day of our “new” duty, so to speak.  And in the very early quiet of that morning, God reached down through what I was already reading and spoke perfect words of encouragement to me.  

“Set your mind on things that are above…”. (Colossians 3:2)

God reminded me that what I needed to do was remember that every act of service I do is really for Him.  To set my mind on serving Him through even the most mundane acts is such a joy.  And truly, this week God has given me strength and peace and joy that can only come through Him.  

That very afternoon I had a call from a precious friend.  I was so excited to tell her how God broke through my dread and worry and instead gave me such settled peace and joy.  This friend cares for her family so well, including her special needs son.

“Why is it,” I asked her, “that we so often think we have to go to the mission field before we’re really serving the Lord when He gives us all these ways to serve Him in our own families?”

Every mile driven.

Every baby burped.

Every poopy diaper changed.

Every song sung.

Every story told.

Every ball thrown.

Every bubble blown.

Every meal cooked.

Every cheek kissed.

Set my mind on things above, God.  On You.  On the joy of serving You as I love and help my family.

That little prison janitor touched toughened hearts through her acts of service.  Her stage was a prison meeting room, holding her broom and mop, her dirty bucket of water sitting beside her.

God loves using the weak things of this world to confound the mighty.  

Jesus washed feet.  

He touched lepers and unclean women.

He ate with sinners, with those who were cast out of proper society.

What stage do you have today where God can use you to serve Him?

Holding a baby?

Holding a book to read to your child?

Holding a door for the one in the wheelchair?

Holding a crying friend?

Holding the hand of your dying spouse?

Oh, may we not desire the center stage with the lights and the applause.

May we instead desire, and fully realize, that serving God right where He has put us in the center of His will is the very best use of this life He has given us.

My Mother and Aaron

Ten years ago, on Mother’s Day weekend, we held my mom’s funeral.  It was fitting for her to be honored during the weekend dedicated to mothers, but it was also heart rending.  Her funeral, conducted by my brother, was the sweetest funeral I have ever attended.  

For her funeral, John had each of the grandchildren write down their favorite memories of their grandmother.  Aaron couldn’t do that, so I wrote about the special relationship they had.  I want to share that now.

So many memories come flooding in when I sit and think of my mother and her relationship with Aaron, her special grandson.  Not that he was any more special than all the other grandchildren, but because Aaron has special needs.  Yet those special needs are what made him so very special to his Grandmother.  From a young age, Aaron was diagnosed with epilepsy and autism.  His curiosities and abilities were a joy to his grandmother.  I’ll never forget her delight at watching him in Colorado, before he turned two years old, showing her his letters and naming them correctly…and how surprised and delighted she was.  I remember our visits to Third Street and all the fun Aaron would have.  The sprinkler in the yard, helping Grandmother put together her famous homemade pizzas, playing with the big marble toy or Legos, and Cheerios in the living room coffee table drawer.  And spinach!  Mom fixed spinach one night and Aaron, thinking that spinach would make him strong like Popeye, kept opening the refrigerator door, pry open the plastic container of spinach, take some of that cold spinach out, grimace as he swallowed it, and then push the container back and close the door.  Mom just stood there outside the kitchen, peeking in and laughing so hard at Aaron as he repeatedly choked down that cold spinach. 

We visited for Christmas right after Dad was diagnosed with liver cancer.   Aaron watched Grandmother and Granddaddy open their Christmas presents.  One present they received was a plaque with a long poem about what cancer cannot take away.  Mom, knowing that Aaron could read very well, handed him the plaque and asked him to read it out loud to us.  Aaron read every word while we all cried.  It was a memory Mom often spoke of, with tears in her eyes.  

One more!  We came home in 2010 for Mom’s surprise birthday party.  Even then she was having a hard time remembering all the grandchildren.  But she looked across the room, saw Aaron, and her mouth and eyes opened wide.  “There’s Aaron!” she said with true joy.  That recognition meant so much to Aaron, even though he couldn’t really express it.  I could tell from the look on his face.  So, the night that we found out she had died, I reminded Aaron of that day when Grandmother recognized him from across the room.  Aaron just smiled and said, “Yeah.”  It wasn’t a long comment, but his smile and his joy were unmistakable.  

That is what Mom gave to him…a smile, joy, and great love.  

I am forever grateful that God gave us our mother to love each of us, but also to especially love our special Aaron.

Her smile, her joy, and her great love will always be a part of our lives.  

And for that, I am forever blessed and grateful.

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Uncle Aaron and His Nephew Boy

Time for another installment in the ongoing saga of Uncle Aaron and Ryker, aka Nephew Boy.

Our exterminator, whom we’ve known for years, was at our house not long ago.  Aaron captured him…well, not literally but verbally…and decided to talk to him about Ryker.

“My nephew boy,” Aaron began and proceeded to tell George some news about Ryker.

“I have a nephew boy,” Aaron continued.  “Do you have a nephew boy?”

George did a great job of not laughing although the twitch in his mouth spoke volumes to us.  

I know why Aaron called Ryker his nephew boy.  It’s because soon our daughter will have a baby girl and so we have told Aaron that this little girl will be his niece…that a boy is a nephew, and a girl is a niece.  So, for that conversation, Ryker was Aaron’s nephew boy.

Aaron has come to accept and enjoy Ryker in a way that mostly warms our hearts.  I say mostly because there are still occasions when Aaron will get jealous at something we’re saying or doing with Ryker.

“You don’t do that with ME!” Aaron will say in a huff. 

And one day Aaron, for whatever unknown reason, got upset about his position in life.

“I don’t want to be the uncle,” he angrily asserted.

“But Aaron,” I replied, “you’re the uncle because you’re Andrea’s brother.  You can’t change that.”

“Well,” he said, “she MADE me be the uncle.  She didn’t ASK me!”

We’ve learned it’s best at these times to mostly listen and not try to reason too much with Aaron.  He eventually settles down and before long will probably be asking when Ryker is coming over again.

Of course, at this point Ryker is unaware of any animus from his Uncle Aaron.  Ryker is still at that precious innocent age when he loves everyone…and that definitely includes his Uncle Aaron.  He finds Aaron to be very fascinating and fun.  

Aaron gives Ryker lots of snacks.

Aaron lets Ryker see his really cool toys and gadgets.

Aaron’s room is the BEST place in the house!  There’s a jellyfish lamp and all sorts of squishy balls and flashlights and a frog light with glowing eyes and oh, so much more!

What’s NOT to love about Uncle Aaron?

Aaron is equally fascinated as he watches Ryker learn and grow, respond to him and talk, and eat.  Definitely eat!

Aaron gets right down on the floor with Ryker and watches him with great interest.

Ryker claps his hands when Aaron claps or yells like his Uncle Aaron when Aaron is in his room and lets out one of his funny loud sounds.

Ryker will have so much to learn about his special Uncle Aaron as the years go by.  We know there will be ups and downs with all that process, on both sides.  

It really won’t be that much longer before Ryker outgrows Aaron on every level.  I thought about that after I took a picture of Ryker and Aaron in our car.  Ryker loves sitting in the driver’s seat, turning the steering wheel and punching all the buttons.  

And there sat Aaron, always in the passenger’s seat, having fun watching Ryker play like he was driving.  

Aaron will never be in the driver’s seat.  

But one day Ryker will be.  

 I thought about how some day Ryker will perhaps be driving Aaron to Dairy Queen for his favorite Choco Extreme Blizzard or to Walmart to scour the aisles for a special treat.  

And I pray that God will use Aaron to enrich Ryker in ways that can only happen with a special person like his Uncle Aaron in his life.  

Rocks or Popcorn

Aaron loves rocks that he thinks are unusual.  Outside his day group, along the curb, are landscape rocks.  They grow much easier than grass.  Unless you have an Aaron, who eyeballs the rocks every day in search of THE one…or more than one…that he will pocket on that day.  The rocks are slowly dwindling with Aaron around, no matter how many times we tell him that he should not take…aka steal…any rocks.

These rocks have value to Aaron.  Some he thinks are diamonds or crystals even though we tell him they are not diamonds or crystals.  We tell him they are just normal rocks that need to stay in their rock home.  Still, he gathers the rocks and lately has been putting them in a large storage bag.

Tomorrow my husband is having shoulder replacement surgery.  We have kept this low key in order not to worry Aaron.  Aaron would be more worried about how this big change in our normal day would affect him instead of Gary but still, worry is worry.  

Or so we thought.

Last night, Aaron went into Gary’s study and handed Gary his bag of special rocks.

“Here, Dad,” Aaron said as he handed Gary the bag.  “I want you to take these to the hospital.”

Gary was so touched.  And he responded with such wisdom.

“Well, Aaron,” he replied, “I might be confused because of the drugs and think those rocks are candy.  If I ate one, I could break a tooth.”

Aaron thought for a second, took back the bag of rocks, and went up to his room.

Soon, he came back down.  He found Gary in the garage and handed him instead his bag of cheese popcorn that he was saving.  

“Here,” Aaron said again.  “I want you to take THIS to the hospital.”

Aaron’s love language has always been giving things to others.  In this case, Aaron won’t verbalize that he is concerned for his dad.  He probably won’t tell Gary that he hopes the surgery goes well.  He many even get frustrated during Gary’s long recovery at home because of the effects it will have on him and what he expects from Gary.

But we have a bag of cheese popcorn that speaks volumes to us of how much Aaron really does care.

And that’s as valuable to us as…as…diamond rocks!

Aaron’s Talking Points #16

I save some of Aaron’s funny sayings and conversations so that I can share them.  After all, my blog is titled He Said WHAT?!  These are older ones.  He talks so much, and I can’t keep up with sharing like I should.  Enjoy!

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Our newly widowed little 88-year-old neighbor came over for supper tonight. Just as we started to eat, Aaron looked at Gary and said, “Hey Dad, is sex a bad word?” 

Nice, Aaron. Really nice.

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Gary was trimming some branches from a tree.  Aaron was sitting nearby and some of the sawdust fell on him.  A couple days later Aaron said, “Mom, remember when that tree dust fell on me?” 

For crying out loud, even my trees are dusty!!

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Aaron has been wanting a Nintendo Switch. We’ve told him that we’re NOT going out to buy a Nintendo Switch. It costs $300.00, for heaven’s sake! He and Barb looked it up on her computer today.

Aaron: MOM!! The Nintendo Switch is $299.00! That’s not even $300.00!!!

In Aaron’s world, this is a huge difference. But not in mine.

😅 😅 💸

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Aaron was trying to talk me into giving him more money tomorrow since he’s going to Wal-Mart with his group. I said no and told him that he ended up giving money away half the time and he doesn’t need more. He then walked over to Gary, who was sitting at the table, and quietly said, “Do you agree with that?”

Oh, Aaron! I guess he hoped he had one more shot!

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Aaron: There was no new MacGyver on last night. It was an award of Emmy!

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After his doctor appointment today, Aaron and I went to Cheddar’s for lunch.

“MOM!! Are they taking those fish out of that tank and fixing them for lunch?!” 😲😬😂

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Aaron’s had some seizures the past two nights. He woke up very hungry.

“Mom!! When I got out of bed, my stomach felt skinny!” 😃😃

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When Aaron finally realized this morning that his fate was sealed and he was going to Paradigm, he became inpatient to leave NOW. Watching me quickly slap on some makeup wasn’t making him happy.

“Mom!! Dad’s stuff he puts on is quicker than yours!!” 😃

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Nearly every night when Aaron is FINALLY in bed and we have completed his bedtime routine, he will invariably have one more thing he must talk about before he can go to sleep. Sometimes I make it two or three steps up the hall before he says, “MOM??” Or, as was the case last night, I was just closing his door when he thought of that one more piece of info he needed before he could sleep.

Aaron: MOM??

Me (sighing, which Aaron doesn’t notice or care about): What, Aaron?

Aaron: So first there’s 12 a.m. and then there’s 12 p.m.

Me (thinking in my tired head and not saying it out loud): REALLY??!!!!

Me (what I really said): Yes, there is.

Aaron: So, during the night it becomes morning.

Pause from Aaron as he waited for my response.

Pause from me as I hoped he was done, and I could leave.

No such luck.

Aaron: So, during the night it becomes morning.

Me (whose brain isn’t ready for this discussion after 9:00 p.m. Actually, not at 9:00 a.m. either): Yes, Aaron, it’s something like that.

Aaron: How come?

Me (leaning against the door frame now because of the dreaded HOW COME question!!!): It’s because…that’s just the way time is! Good night and sleep well and I’ll see you in the morning and I love you.

Oh my goodness!! I said the words “night” and “morning” – but he didn’t seem to notice as I walked quickly down the hall.

Where does he come up with this stuff at 10:30 P.M.???!!!!

🙃 🌙 🌞 😆

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When we travel, we take snacks and then try to just eat out once a day. Aaron thinks that no one on a trip should just eat out once a day.

Aaron: I need to use the bathroom.

Gary: Ok. We’ll look for a place.

Aaron: I was thinking of a bathroom in a restaurant.

Smooth move, Aaron! Hahaha!!

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Aaron’s doing great so far as we drive to Houston. He’s excited to see Andrea and the doggies. He’s VERY excited at the prospect of eating out. Earlier this morning:

Aaron: Will we eat out on the way there? I’m talking about at a restaurant.

We said yes.

Aaron: We will do it for lunch, right?

Gary: Maybe for supper, too.

Aaron: Like what time is supper?

We told him we don’t know.

Aaron: So we would do it for lunch and supper, Mom?

Yes, Aaron.

At 10:37:

Aaron: I’m getting hungry, Dad. But I’ll wait til 12:00.

Aaron does not leave his schedule behind when we travel. 😊

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Aaron and I passed a convertible, top down and a dog enjoying the ride with his owner. 

Aaron: “Mom, do you like those kind of cars where the lid comes off?” 😁

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Aaron loves to listen to music in the van while I drive him to meet his group. This morning as we headed to the van he said, “Mom, can you play that Sarah that sings about that love thing?” 

Yep, Aaron’s all about relationships.

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Aaron loves to talk about our wedding picture and comments about how young I was or how skinny I was. 

His latest: “Mom, in your wedding picture your hair was thin.” 

Good grief! Even my hair has gained weight?! I’m hiding that picture!!

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Tonight Aaron told me that the alley where his group bowled last week was near Hoots.  

“Hoots?,” I asked.  

“Yeah”, he said.  “You know, Hoots! That restaurant you won’t let me eat at.” 

Oh my goodness.  It was another bite-my-tongue and try-not-to-laugh moment!  

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Our normal evening routine was disrupted tonight by waiting until it was nearly dark to light some sparklers and throw down some Pop-Its and then visit with our neighbors. When we came inside, Aaron still wanted to watch a Blue Bloods episode – we just started season one. It was late, but I said OK.

We finished watching it. When it was over, Aaron looked immediately at his watch.

“Oh my!” he said. “It’s 10:49!”

It’s good to end this day with a laugh. Time for bed! 😀💙

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We started the last leg of our drive home this morning. One of the first things Aaron wanted to know was what time we would be home, so we told him it would be around 4:00.

At 3:09:

Aaron: When will we be home?

Me: In about an hour.

Aaron: No. You said 4:00.

Gary: What time is it?

Aaron: 3:09.

Gary: Then it’s about an hour.

Aaron: No. It’s 51 minutes.

🕓❤😀

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Aaron’s decided that he prefers boneless meat. Yesterday he came running in from his group and his first question was, “Mom, what are we having for supper?” I told him that we were having T-Bones. Without missing a beat he asked, “Are they boneless?!” 

You know, Dillons was all out of boneless T-BONES so I had to get T-BONES with bones! 

This time I did laugh.

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And I hope that you have enjoyed some smiles and laughs like we have with Aaron’s comments and antics.  

‘Til next time!

Much To Them

Some time ago I was fixing Rice Krispie Treats.  Aaron stood and watched for a minute, and then asked if he could eat some marshmallows.  Since I have never been a big fan of eating marshmallows that aren’t in Rice Krispie treats or in my holiday fruit salad, I told him that I wasn’t sure if he would like them, either.  He wondered why.

“Well, they’re mostly puffed sugar,” I told him. “There isn’t much to them.”

“There’s much to them to me!” he answered in no uncertain terms.  

Aaron didn’t realize it, but he had perfectly described how he runs his life.  What would probably seem superfluous to us is not viewed that way at all by Aaron.  Let me give some examples of what is important to Aaron in his autistic world.  Not just important, but absolutely necessary.

Aaron set the table one Christmas.  Look at his multiple forks and spoons.  At least he arranged them neatly.  He always requires several forks, spoons, and sometimes knives, no matter what he is eating.  There’s much to them to Aaron!

There is also much to the number of plates and bowls Aaron wants when he eats.  I’m so thankful for my dishwasher!

When Aaron “goes to bed” at night he reads, listens to music, works on his sticker book, and sometimes plays a game.  He starts this routine early.  A big element of his bedtime is to arrange special items on his bed in just the perfect spots and order.  This includes a stack of greeting cards that he has saved over the years, a cat book that he isn’t reading but that he must have on his bed, his back scratcher, and various items.  I just shake my head but there is much to them to Aaron!

Aaron was eating a bag of popcorn the other day.  Look at the bag and you will understand why Aaron kept telling us, “I love ridiculously cheesy popcorn!”  Or “Tomorrow I want to buy more of that ridiculously cheesy popcorn.”  And “I seem to like this ridiculously cheesy popcorn.”  What seemed ridiculous to us meant much to Aaron.  What’s printed on the bag is part of the name, people!  We just smiled.

Yet there are times when the things that mean much to Aaron can cause great frustration and anger when they don’t work out as he expects.  One of the biggest issues for him is when his schedule is disrupted.  Whatever…or whoever…causes the disruption is often the object of Aaron’s deep frustration.  His tongue can be hurtful, and his anger can be deep when things don’t go his way.  We work on that all the time and praise him when he handles change well, like he did at Christmas.

It’s easy to get very frustrated with Aaron when he won’t budge out of his routine…won’t quit talking about the same topic of interest over and over and over…runs out to our neighbors when they’re taking a walk so he can talk to THEM about said topic…won’t wait patiently for hardly anything…and so many other issues.

Autism is so complex, and everyone is different.  Yet every single autistic person has those tightly held focuses that are “much to them,” and they are not going to let go of those things.  

It’s best to try to understand that fact and then work with them with as much love and understanding as you can muster.  

I know from many years of experience with Aaron that it isn’t always easy, but it’s always best to attempt to approach issues from his viewpoint to better understand why on earth he’s reacting the way he is.  

And always, eventually…when the dust settles…to show him by my words and actions that he matters.

To show him that his unique ways are worth my time…that “there’s much to them to me.”

And therefore, Aaron, “there’s much to YOU to me!”

Big News and A Fun Fall

Time for another update!  First, the big news…news that some of you know and some don’t, so I get the joy of sharing it again.

Our daughter, Andrea, came over one day with a gift bag for us.  I was puzzled as I took out this framed picture.

Puzzlement turned to pure joy as we realized what it meant.  As Aaron says, “We’re going to have another baby!!”  We’re so happy and so thankful for God’s great blessing.  

Then several weeks later, another surprise.  We were given a pumpkin and inside…well, see for yourself.

Now Aaron tells everyone, “We’re having another baby.  My sister is having a GIRL!!  I’m scared to have a GIRL!!”  🙂 

We’ve been having a beautiful fall.  We got to introduce Ryker to the fun of jumping in leaves. 

Then Aaron wanted to lead us on a walk around our neighborhood pond.  It was really a precious time of Ryker happily following Aaron, and Aaron turning around to keep an eye on Ryker. 

 Ryker now says Aaron’s name fully and clearly.  He absolutely loves his fun Uncle Aaron.  And Aaron is responding with more interactions and smiles.  We do not take this for granted.  All of us are so very happy and thankful for the loving progress that has been made.  

Another very fun event was taking Ryker trick-or-treating in our neighborhood.  We didn’t know if he would wear his outfit, but he did, and he loved every minute of it.  Of course, this Gramoo was smiling from ear to ear at our adorable little cow!

But another precious part of the evening was that Aaron really wanted to go along.  He wore his Pharaoh costume from two years ago and was as eager as a young child.  

I wondered if anyone would question it when they saw a bearded, balding man at their door.  Thankfully, everyone was kind as could be and Aaron had so much fun. He and Ryker going trick-or-treating together was just another very sweet time.  

Aaron turned 40 this month!  He doesn’t see the significance of that at all.  It’s neat that age doesn’t mean a thing to him.  He doesn’t focus on the fact that he’s the oldest in our family and he doesn’t compare himself to his siblings in the sense of life events or accomplishments.  That’s a real blessing indeed.

I have mentioned thankfulness in this blog several times.  We truly are thankful for every blessing, for every step of progress with Aaron, and even for the steps backward that are an inevitable part of Aaron’s life.  

We are forever grateful for the love of family and for the joy of time together. Thankful, too, for friends like many of you who love and pray for us. 

 And for the certainty that God will guide us in each day and year ahead.

No Water! No Deal!

Wednesday morning seemed just like any other morning until my husband stepped out onto our back patio and discovered water bubbling up into our back yard and between our bricks on the walkway.  Oh boy!

Gary was able to cut the water off at the meter and line up a plumbing company.  They came, did a lot of looking and some digging and some poking and some figuring.  Then we did some questioning and some signing and some down payment paying…only to be told that they couldn’t get to the job until the following Tuesday.  What?!  

That’s a LONG time without water!

So, we did some calling and some discussing and some cancelling and some finding of new plumbers.  

We also did some filling of large water containers that Gary wisely has had on hand for just such emergencies, turning on the water just long enough to get the job done.

The new plumbers came the next day and got right to work.  They worked late, digging and examining in a trench that starts in our back yard, wraps around the side of our house, and ends near the street in our front yard.

There were bumps along the way, like damaging a sewer line that thankfully was an easy repair but meant no flushing all day Friday.  TMI, I know, but I’m just being real.  And it was getting real bad!  

Location services had to come out more than once to correct mistakes they made in locating the cable and other lines.  That’s comforting, right?

The workers were so nice and a pleasure to have around.  They worked very late Friday night and were able to get our water back on!  You can guess the first thing I did.  Actually, it was the first three things I did…flush our three toilets!!  And clean like a mad woman!

The plumbers were coming back on Saturday to hopefully finish the job, but heavy rains during the night and all day Saturday put a stop to that.  Now the trench is full of water and the continuing rains leave us unsure of when the work will be completed.

But we have water!!  And more importantly, Kansas has gotten some MUCH needed rain.  We are not complaining!

As this all progressed, we were concerned about how Aaron would handle it.  Having no water is a huge deal, and huge deals are often a no-deal to Aaron.  He surprised us, though, with how well he did.  He was intrigued with the digging and getting to see the pipes under the ground.  The workers were so kind to him.  They got a kick out of his excitement.  The supervisor even saved the ruptured piece of pipe to show it to Aaron and explain what had happened.  

But by Friday morning Aaron was close to being done with all the no water business.  I knew we were near a boiling point with him when he told me that he was NOT letting me have any of his Halloween candy like he had promised the night before.  

And to finalize his decision, he added:  “I am NOT making a deal with you, MOM!!”

Imagine my surprise when later he walked in the room and laid this on the desk in front of me.  

He chuckled and rubbed his hands together.  

“We don’t need a deal,” he said.  

“You want me to have this?” I asked.

“Yes!” he answered.  “Eat it!” 

He understood when I told him I would wait…that candy first thing in the morning is too much for me.  

All this situation with having no water, though, has made me think about something that has been on my mind a lot since the horrible hurricane damage in the southeast.  I have thought and thought about the impact of such terrible personal destruction on those with special needs.  

How on earth are they surviving?

How are families handling the upheaval and its effects on their special family members whose whole world has been turned upside down, destroyed, and perhaps forever gone?

My friend in western North Carolina talked to me about her daughter who has autism, how she stepped up to the plate at the beginning and was so helpful at home and with neighbors.  But as time went on it was getting harder and harder to handle the constant pressure and stress of routines being completely disrupted and of doing things not normal for her.  Then come meltdowns and anger, which are terribly difficult for the family already dealing with more difficulties than imaginable.  

I have wondered what Aaron would be like in a situation like this, where everything he knows and expects and demands is gone.  I can’t even fathom it.  A couple days without water and he was approaching the done point.  Imagine everything being gone for weeks and weeks, forever even, and what that would do to him.

Imagine the untold number of families in these areas whose special children or other family members are enduring just that, a million times worse than our small inconvenience.  

So many special needs individuals with so many needs that are special to them.  Needs they can’t control but that must be met as much as possible.  

How they need our prayers!  

Let’s not forget them.