Author: Patty hesaidwhatks

I'm Patty and I write about our adult son who has Epilepsy and Autism, who still lives with my husband and me, and who is a package full of many surprises and joys and challenges and TALK! Lots of talking, which creates laughter and some other reactions as well. I also write about how God shows Himself to me in everyday life.

My Choice

Well, I can tell you right now that this blog subject won’t be what some people think it’s going to be.  I just realized how this title sounds as I typed it.  Hmmmm…

Anyway, let me pop some bubbles right at the beginning by sharing this sign that is hanging directly above my quiet time/study desk where I sit nearly every morning, coffee in hand and Bible open.

It reminds me that every day I have a choice to make.  Throughout my day I can choose how I will allow the events of the day to affect me. 

And no single person creates more events in my life than Aaron.

In one sole day you might very well find me laughing, crying, yelling, sighing, worrying, cringing, thanking, guessing….

That’s just the condensed version.

 Last week on our Wal-Mart shopping trip, Aaron took off at a fast trot to go check out the candy and nut aisle.  

“Don’t run!” was all I managed to remind him before he was out of earshot.  

I hurriedly completed my shopping.  I then took off at my own fast trot to see what was occurring on aisle 20.

I rounded the corner to this scene.

Add blushing to the list above.

There sat Aaron cross-legged on the floor as he searched the very bottom shelf for something.  Red Hots, I soon learned.  Beside him he had stashed jelly beans, peanuts, and cashews that he hoped I would buy for him.  Also beside him was a very kind associate named, very appropriately, Joy.  

Joy had found Aaron sitting on the floor.  Being concerned, she walked to Aaron and asked if he needed help.  Boy, was Aaron glad to see her!  Usually when he needs (or just thinks he needs) help, he barges toward an associate and pretty much yells, “HEY!!”  

I’m usually found nearby, or a few steps behind, hissing, “AARON!  Don’t say HEY!!  It’s rude!”

By this time, said associate is typically a mix of alarmed and annoyed which soon is replaced by amused. Maybe more amused by the look on my face rather than by Aaron’s?  Very likely.

Back to the candy aisle.  Joy soon found Red Hots up on the very top shelf, which gave Aaron much joy.

Me too.  Oh, my joy didn’t come from the Red Hots.  My joy came from Aaron being so unabashedly Aaron. Aaron’s going to do what Aaron’s going to do, no matter how many times I correct and redirect and follow him around hissing out instructions that he mostly ignores.  

I thought it was just the most perfect thing that this very sweet associate’s name is Joy.  I do believe that God was smiling.  

And again, I was too.  Others around us were very understanding as they waited or turned around.  Aaron has lots of lessons to teach everyone around him, like it or not.

I posted a little piece about this on Facebook and our neighbor across the street sent me this picture.

Here’s what she said:  “Seeing your Facebook post about Aaron sitting on the floor in Wal-Mart reminded me that I took this the other day.  He was excited to come tell me something.  He really does bring joy.  It’s always fun to hear what he’s going to say!”

Aren’t we very blessed?  Our neighbors all around us are great with Aaron.  

I thanked Gina for being so good to listen to Aaron.  I also reminded her that because of this, Aaron will just keep going over.  HaHa!

Well, we had lots of joy going on and it was really sweet.  I was reminded of this verse:

            “A joyful heart is good medicine…”.  (Proverbs 17:22)

And that’s a very good thing because I know my blood pressure was getting somewhat high on Aisle 20.    

It’s Aaron

After being out of town for several days, Gary and I returned on Monday afternoon.  Aaron was happy, happy to have us home.  But by Tuesday morning he was wishing that we were gone again, and our friends were back at the house watching him.  Re-entry to real life is often difficult for Aaron.  

And he is not the only one who finds it difficult!

Aaron was belligerent on Tuesday when faced with the reality of returning to his day group.  He was very verbal and confrontational.  It’s the side of Aaron that tests my mettle to the core.

It’s hard not to respond in kind to him.  Sometimes I do say more than I want to say, sadly.  As we drove to his day group, I really laid into him.  Not in a damaging or harmful way, but in a truthful way about how his words hurt us and why.  There are concepts that he needs to hear about how to love us even when he is angry.  How to recognize and acknowledge all we do for him instead of thinking only of himself. 

The night before, I had watched a video with him about a triangle UFO.  It’s the last thing I wanted to do.   He had called us repeatedly while we were gone, talking about this UFO video he wanted me to watch with him.

“MOM!!” he exclaimed, “it’s a triangle UFO video that’s 44:42.  Would you watch 44:42?”

Those are the minutes and seconds that he memorizes on each YouTube video that he watches, by the way.

He was ecstatic that I agreed to look it up and then to actually sit through 44:42.

So, on that next morning full of anger, he was full of remorse as I spoke truthfully to him.  As we neared his day group, he spoke softly.

“I’m glad you looked up the triangle UFO video.”

I was quiet.

“I’m glad you looked it up,” he repeated several more times before getting out of the van.

It was Aaron’s way of trying to say he was sorry.

A few hours apart worked wonders for both of us.  He was very happy when I picked him up and I was responsive once more.  I took him to the lab for some bloodwork, where he had to be poked in each arm and he flinched…something he rarely does.  My heart went out to him.  He deals with so much, even more internally in that brain of his than outwardly sometimes.

The technician gave him the plastic tourniquet to keep.  He was delighted.  I watched him walk around WalMart later, both arms with band aids and the tourniquet dangling from his fingers as if it was a prized possession.

I thought of how those small gestures…those items insignificant to us…bring him such joy. 

And it hit me that there are countless times that the seemingly insignificant, daily actions of Aaron bring us such joy…of how much I need to focus on those moments rather than the outbursts that bring hurt.

It’s Aaron at Walmart trying to hide from me because he has BOTH crescent rolls and biscuits in his hand that he wants me to buy.

It’s Aaron sitting on the floor of the store, totally oblivious to anyone around him as he checks out the peanuts on the bottom shelf.

It’s Aaron hardly able to wait until he could show me how much his sunflowers had grown while we were gone.

It’s Aaron helping clean under the kitchen table after supper.

It’s Aaron telling me he took his snacks to the snack drawer before bed.

It’s Aaron thrilled to pieces that I let him buy TWO boxes of Texas Toast.

It’s Aaron loving to do science experiments.

It’s Aaron super excited about his new volcano lamp.

It’s Aaron overjoyed because he won this light-up bouncy ball in Bingo, which he took today to show all our Meals on Wheels clients.  

It’s Aaron sitting alone in the mulch, breaking pieces into a container the same way he has done since he was a little boy.  There goes my heart.

It’s Aaron’s unique sense of style, unaffected by current trends or other’s opinions.

It’s Aaron’s unique impact on my life that I want to treasure and relish each day, even despite the hard times.  

After The Storm

Two nights ago, I awoke to bright lightning flashing outside our window.  Then came the crashing thunder.  Two hours later, we had a repeat as another storm roared through.

A few hours later, the sun was shining as I looked out my favorite window.  The view was so beautiful.  The leaves on our huge oak tree looked crisp, the grass was so green, and the sky was beautiful with unthreatening clouds.

Even though the storms earlier were loud and a little scary, the benefits were well worth the dark experience of the night.  We need the rain.  And I was so blessed by the very pretty view that morning.

So often, the aftermath of a storm carries with it refreshment and joy.

The same is true in the life of a believer.

We don’t often understand this side of heaven just why we go through trials of life.  But what we do know and understand is this:

“…I am the Lord and there is no other, the One forming light and creating darkness, causing well-being and creating calamity; I am the Lord who does all these.”   (Isaiah 45:6-7)

These promises to Israel continue:

“For thus says the Lord, just as I brought all this great disaster on this people, so I am going to bring on them all the good that I am promising them.”   (Jeremiah 32:42)

The God of Old Testament Israel is our God today, and His character and purposes have not changed.  He has a reason for every circumstance and event in the life of those who know and follow Him.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”   (Romans 8:28)

There is so much work that God wants to do in us.  Even Jesus learned obedience through the things which He suffered.  (Hebrews 5:8).  How much more do I need to learn the same?

Let me close with sharing one recent experience.  We were having a particularly rough behavior evening with Aaron.  We couldn’t understand why.  Then after supper, while I was at the kitchen sink and Aaron was a few feet away, he suddenly went into a seizure.  These drop seizures are both terrifying and dangerous.  He falls like a tree and has been injured several times over the years…staples, stitches, a lost tooth, CAT scans to check for concussions, and so forth.

Because I was so near and heard the seizure start, I was able to turn to him and grab him as I yelled for Gary.  I lowered Aaron to the ground as he fell while Gary ran in and was able to help.

Later, feeling depleted and very emotional, I sat in a chair near Aaron as he slept and recovered.  And I prayed.  I was able to practice what God has taught me over the years.

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.”   (Colossians 3:15)

I was able to be thankful…thankful that I was near Aaron when the seizure started…that Gary was able to help…that Aaron was not injured…and that later he was his happy self again.

Honestly, I don’t say, “I’m so happy that Aaron has seizures!”

No.  But I can, because of what I know about God, be thankful for both the ways that God takes care of Aaron and for all that God has taught me over the years as I have learned to completely trust Him with this son whom we love so much.

It’s like looking out that window after the storm and seeing that the storm has brought to me another layer of growth and beauty despite the fear and struggles.

I pray the same for each of you today as you gaze out the windows of your life at the works that God has done because of, and after, the storms.  

The Reluctant Uncle Aaron

You can probably tell from the title that not a lot has changed in Aaron’s attitude about being Uncle Aaron.  

Sigh.

Aaron will still talk it to death, this idea of Uncle Aaron.  Like the day we were chatting with someone.

“My sister had a nephew!!” he suddenly exclaimed.

“Ummmm…your sister had YOUR nephew, Aaron,” I corrected.

Can’t have that unclear fact just hanging in the air, right?

The reasons for Aaron not being thrilled about his little nephew continue to mount.  To many people, the idea of not wanting to meet this sweet little guy just doesn’t make sense.  

But when you understand all the layers that make up Aaron, then it does compute.

Aaron does not like to travel.  Leaving his normal behind at home is a huge stretch for him.  He had adjusted pretty well to being at his sister’s house when we would travel there before all this Uncle Aaron business.  Andrea and Kyle had an extra bedroom that Aaron used, where he could escape to read or play a game or listen to his music during the day.  That room is now Ryker’s nursery. 

We were planning a trip with him in April, but we knew we needed to tell him about this not-so-small detail.  That, and the fact that we planned to fly, was a deal breaker for Aaron, Uncle or not.

Ryker had taken over Aaron’s room, usurping Aaron’s place in their home.

Then there is all this baby-talk silliness that Aaron hears when we facetime with his nephew.  I was having a Gramoo moment with little Ryker one day, speaking with that special baby voice that we all know.  Aaron was standing behind me.  

Softly under his breath I heard him say, “You’re weird.”  

It hit me that we have another element of just how huge this is for Aaron.  He does not like any talking that he considers unusual or, as he often says, is weird.  

Baby talk from Gramoo is most very definitely…weird.

So Ryker, in Aaron’s mind, is responsible for this weirdness. 

We often find ourselves, or others, saying, “If Aaron just…”. 

If Aaron just this or if Aaron just that.  

But Aaron doesn’t JUST do anything outside of his norm very easily.  Autism rules his world.  He can’t tell you a thing about what autism is, but his life shows you many things that autism does…how it affects every facet of his life.  

We think little Ryker would get a big kick out of Aaron, especially the way Aaron runs his fingers together over and over when he talks.  We have told Aaron over and over how much his nephew would love Uncle Aaron, but Aaron is still unmoved.  

Aaron does often smile when he sees pictures and videos of Ryker.   When Aaron plays a Nintendo game he has about taking care of babies, he names his baby Ryker.  All these signs are encouraging.

But the hardest part for Aaron, and the saddest for all of us, is that Aaron wonders about his place now in our family.  This little interloper has come in and is, to Aaron, a competitor for our love.

We have had many conversations with Aaron about how nothing has changed as to how much we love him, and always will.

We have explained how hearts grow as a family grows…how we have room in our hearts for both Aaron and Ryker.  

“You mean I’m not being pushed out of the love?” Aaron asked after one such conversation.  

And my growing heart hurt for Aaron, for his inability to process all this change and for his fear of being replaced by his little nephew.  

It’s also been a lot for Gary and me to process and understand, to accept and to not be angry or bitter.  

We have our moments, our ups and downs with all of it, wishing that we could just be a normal family.  

Yet we also see God’s hand of grace in our lives and have learned to continue to trust His plan in giving us Aaron.  

I keep going back to the verse that God gave me the morning after Andrea and Kyle shared with us their wonderful news about a coming grandbaby.

            “…we have fixed our hope on the living God…”  (I Timothy 4:10)

I knew then that we would have some struggles, but I never knew just how many there would be.

But God knew.  

And I DO know that His knowing hand is all I need to know.

Ms. Edna’s Pillow

Aaron and I have a client on our Meals on Wheels route named Edna.  She is such a delight every single week.  And she takes great delight in Aaron, evidenced in her wide-eyed attention to every word he says.

Last week, Edna had a special gift for Aaron.  She leaned down to pick up a small and very pretty pillow.

“Here, Aaron,” she said, “I have something for you.”

She held the pillow for him to see.  Then she proceeded to point to each letter.

“This is an L,” she said as she showed him the first letter.

“This in the middle is an O,” she said, “and next is a V, and right here is an E.”

She stopped and smiled broadly at Aaron.

“It spells LOVE,” she finished.  

She let me snap their picture, giving me permission to share it.

Now, I don’t know about you, but right away I knew that the word on this pillow was not the word LOVE but was instead the word HOME.

I’m not sure if Edna really thought the word was LOVE or not.

I suspect, though, that Edna didn’t know Aaron can read.  I think she wanted him to believe that the word was LOVE because she wanted to show Aaron that she loves him, which is so precious.

I just held my breath, though, hoping that Aaron would not correct her.

I ran to the van to grab my phone and take some pictures.  I came back into the house to find Aaron talking to Ms. Edna about the planet Mercury.  

I figured he had not corrected her spelling error since he was more interested in having a captive…though hard of hearing…audience who would smile and nod at all the planet Mercury data and details. 

I breathed a huge sigh of relief as we drove away.

“Edna is real nice who lives on ______ Street,” Aaron commented.  

I smiled at his phrasing and attention to detail, being sure to include her street name.

And I smiled because he had not corrected Ms. Edna, allowing her to have her joy.

But later, as we returned to the van after another delivery, I held the pillow up.

“Hey, Aaron,” I asked, “what word do you see on this pillow?”

“Home!” he exclaimed without missing a beat.  🙂 🙂

As soon as we got HOME with the LOVE pillow, Aaron showed it to Gary.  Then I asked him if he wanted me to put it in his favorite family room chair.  Aaron was happy with that idea.

So, there it sits now, every day…reminding me each time I see it that really, HOME is LOVE.  

And so is Ms. Edna.

Act Happy, Mom!

Over the years of blogging about our life with Aaron, I have sought to inform and educate others about the complexities of autism.  There are so many parts and pieces to autism…so many ways that Aaron’s life, and therefore ours, is affected by how autism makes him function.

Oh, if you only knew how many times I have thought or even asked this question of Aaron:   “Can’t you just…….?”  

Fill in the blank.

I have even had that question asked of me concerning Aaron.

“Can’t you do something with Aaron?!”

Or this one:  “Have you thought about….?”

Or:  “Have you tried….?”

Now, I do not mind helpful advice or constructive criticism.  However, one must be careful to truly understand a condition before offering advice on handling that condition.

Even Gary and I, with our years of experience, can at times find ourselves floundering amid Aaron’s stubbornness about certain situations.  

Aaron is very wrapped up in his own comfort and routine, sometimes to the detriment of everyone around him.  Anger on his part can set in quickly when his perceived needs are not being met in the way that he wants them to be met.  

It’s narcissism at its finest…or not…but is born out of Aaron’s deep-seated requirements of life, not out of pure selfishness.  Some incidents seem incredibly selfish, though, and there are times to handle that situation.

Such was the case one evening not long ago.  I was preparing a meal for supper when Aaron came into the kitchen and asked what we were having.  The meal wasn’t one of his known favorites.  And he let it be known right away that he was having none of it.

I did not budge when he asked if he could have something else to eat.  I reminded him that I do not run a restaurant and that he could eat what we were eating.  I told him I knew he would like it if he just gave it a try.

He was most unhappy!  

After several trips into the kitchen, where he angrily informed me that he hated that food and would NOT eat it, I knew that nothing I said was going to turn him around.  In fact, any words from my mouth just added fuel to the flame.

This is when I have learned to shut down and no longer respond to anything Aaron says.  I do not talk to him or respond to him.

And he detests that.  It makes him very uncomfortable when Mom doesn’t talk to him, but the silence is the best way I have found to defuse him and to show him that I am done with this scene.

As supper was nearly ready, he began to follow me around, talking a lot and hoping for a response from me.  Finally, he asked a question that needed an answer, so I responded in a very flat voice.  Aaron knows that this voice of Mom’s is still an indication that he has crossed the line. 

“Mom!” he urgently said, “you should answer like you’re happy that I’m telling you!!”

I had to smile at that one and was glad that my back was to him.

But you see, Aaron is clueless about how his treatment of us affects us.  It’s good for him to see the effect in a tangible way, as in my silence and lack of enthusiasm.

He did eat a little dinner with us, and we were able to talk to him some about his attitude.

Then later, Gary and I slipped out to the porch for a little time together.  We both needed a breather.

But we weren’t stealthy enough, for Aaron heard us and soon darted out the door and made himself right at home with us.  There he sat, seemingly oblivious to what had happened earlier, all primed and ready for a long talk with his captive audience.

Of course, he didn’t talk about his earlier behaviors.  He didn’t talk about his feelings, and he most definitely did NOT talk about our feelings.

Aaron wanted to fill our ears with his latest discoveries from reading his book on UFOs.  He wanted to talk and talk and talk about Area 51, asking tons of questions and waiting for our answers.  

Ah, Aaron…slipping into his comfort zone and unaware of the fact that this is not our comfort zone at all.  

Such is the give and take of living with autism.  My silence had pushed Aaron out of his comfortable place.  Now his talk of aliens and UFOs and Area 51 showed us that Aaron was ready to get back to normal…his normal, that is.

And yet his normal has in a strange way become our normal, too.  We know that Aaron is happy again when his conversation turns in these strange ways.

I guess Gary and I have become a little strange ourselves sometimes.  

And strangely enough, we didn’t have to act happy.  

We truly were just as happy as little aliens in a UFO!

Complaining in the Rain

It’s been terribly dry here in Kansas for way too long.  The wells out in our “used-to-be-country” neighborhood are running very low.  Some have dried up.  Some of the ponds used for cattle are just puddles now.  And the wheat crop is predicted to be the poorest in 60 years.

Therefore, I was happy to hear a low rumble of thunder early this morning.  As I sat on our patio and finished my quiet time, the sky began to darken.  I was very thankful for the rain that began to fall.  It was a gift from God!

Aaron was out of bed not long after and he sat with me to enjoy the rain as well.  Soon we were both ready to head out the door for our Meals on Wheels delivery.  The once gentle rain was now a downpour.

“Well,” I told Aaron, “we really need this rain so I’m not going to complain about it.”

We picked up our meals, loading them into the van as the rain came down and our clothes began to get wet.  At our first house, I opened the side van door and bagged the food.  Rain was a cold presence on the back of my shirt as I tried to lean in the van.  Aaron had already run to the client’s door, so I juggled the bag of food and my large umbrella, getting even wetter.

We chatted a minute with our friend, Aaron crunched in the corner of the small porch under a tiny awning and me under the umbrella.  Rain washed over us again as we got in the van, feet now soaked from the standing water.

As we backed out of the driveway, I happily made a little rhyme.

“Oh, the rain is a pain but I’m not going to complain!” I sang to Aaron.

Amazingly, he tolerated my silliness and off we went to the next house.  More rain, this time with some mud from the unpaved road as well as huge drops of water landing on us under the very low hanging branches at her uncovered door…branches that caught my umbrella and made it useless.

“This is great!” I exclaimed as we handed her the food.  “We do need the rain!  See you next week!”

By the fifth house, the rain was coming down even harder.  We ran up the wheelchair ramp, where our client was already at her door.  She was taking the dog bones that Aaron handed her for her two dogs.  I handed her the rather soggy bag of food and asked her how she was doing.

“I’m doing just fine,” she said, her face glowing with peace as she sat there in her wheelchair.  

She looked then at Aaron.

“Thank you so much for the dog bones,” she told him.  “My dogs love you for that.”

Aaron beamed.  Then she handed him one of the bones so that he could give it to her rambunctious dog himself.   She smiled as much as Aaron as he so excitedly watched the dog eat his bone.  

“Thank you and God bless you,” she said as we turned to leave.  I noticed how pretty she looked…how content despite her situation.  

At the next house we got to see our friend who had a serious fall a couple months ago.  She has been in the hospital and in rehab, and today was the first time we have been able to see her since her accident.  

Her smile was huge as she greeted us.  I wanted to talk about how she is doing but she wanted to focus on Aaron, hearing all about his recent seizure fall.  I finally managed to ask about how she’s doing, and she too said that she was getting along fine as she downplayed all that she has been through.  She is a sweet believer, and her joy is evident.

My joy was getting harder to muster as we went once more out into the rain.

“Whew!” I said, “I’m getting tired of this rain.”

“But I’m glad we’re getting the rain,” I quickly added as I remembered my earlier determination to be thankful.

My heart felt that little pinch of the Holy Spirit reminding me of just how much this morning is a picture of my life.

Oh, it’s easy to be all spiritual and thankful while I’m sitting on the patio, protected from the rains of life.  I can be an observer and have all the answers with all the right verses and attitudes as long as I’m not actually getting wet.

But let me step out into the storm and see what happens.  Getting wet and cold and muddy can quickly begin to take a toll on my patio attitude.  Soon I’m not so thankful for the rain that I had earlier said I needed.

The splashing of life’s trials has a way of diminishing my once-strong faith.

I feel cold.  Tired. 

And the path can make my feet muddy.  

Misery sets in, no matter how much I said I needed this weather sent from God.

No matter how much I quote Romans 8:28.

And while I may not be actively shaking my fist at God, I find that the flame of faith and joy in my heart is flickering in the rain.

It’s difficult to stay strong and positive in the downpours, especially prolonged storms that have no foreseen solution or resolve.

Honestly, I have been struggling some with Aaron issues over the past few months. Feeling discouraged more than I should.

“Lord!  I know I said that I need whatever you send, and that I can trust you.  But I’m getting tired and wet and muddy and uncomfortable!”

Yet the Lord, in His patience, used my experience this morning to prod my heart.  

And He used the most surprising people to touch my soggy spirit…people who have every reason to be extremely tired of the rains in their lives.

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 

 Let your gentle spirit be known to all men.  The Lord is near.  

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication WITH THANKSGIVING let your requests be made known to God.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:4-7

Two Plates

Yesterday we picked up some Mexican food for lunch.  Aaron loves to watch a show while we eat, so he busied himself with getting his lunch spot ready while I was in the kitchen.  I walked into the family room and saw these two plates on the floor beside his ottoman.  

Most people would wonder why Aaron needed two plates since part of his food was already in a container.  But I know Aaron and I know that he must put his food and even his food container on a plate.  It’s a small price for me to pay in order to have Aaron content and happy.  I knew that on one plate he would place his container of nachos, and on the second plate he would place his tacos.  

More importantly, Aaron knew what would go on those two plates.  He had plans for those plates, even if no one else knew or understood his plate’s purposes.  Though empty, in Aaron’s mind those plates were already full of his lunch food.

I was reminded of Aaron’s plates this morning as I read Joshua 17:14-18.  Joshua had been assigning the land of Israel to the 12 tribes.  Ephraim and Manasseh complained, though, that the land they were given wasn’t large enough.  Joshua told them to clear out the forested land, then, to give themselves more room.  

“Oh, but the Canaanites who live there have chariots of iron,” Ephraim and Manasseh said.

“Then you shall drive them out,” replied Joshua, “even though they have chariots of iron and though they are strong.”

You see, the real problem with these two tribes of Joseph was that they did not trust God’s adequacy to meet their need.  They were focused on the strong chariots instead of on their strong God.

The same God who had said, “When you go out to battle against your enemies and see horses and chariots and people more numerous than you, do not be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, who brought you up from the land of Egypt, is with you.”   (Deuteronomy 20:1)

It’s like they had Aaron’s two empty plates but didn’t trust that God had all they needed to fill the plates.

They needed to step out in obedience and then watch God give them victory.

“…we will see little of His power until we venture out into the way of obedience; until we trust His promise enough to walk in it.”   (Dale Ralph Davis)

I looked at Aaron’s empty plates laying there on the floor and knew exactly what he was doing.

So may I also place my empty plates down and trust God to fill them with all that He knows I need for each day…each decision…each trial…each heartache. 

“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”   (Hebrews 4:16)

Be Still IN the Jordan

I remember teaching prepositions to our children years ago as we homeschooled.  I wanted them to understand not only what a preposition was, but to also grasp the huge difference that a preposition made in our speech and our writing.  Therefore, my instruction went something like this:

“Let’s get IN the car.  Not under the car…behind the car…by the car…near the car…on the car…but IN the car.”

Why am I talking about prepositions?  

Because the little preposition ‘IN’ jumped out at me recently IN Joshua 3:8.

God had led the children of Israel to the promised land.  Not just TO the promised land, but now they were IN the land.  

Yet a huge obstacle stood in their way.  The Jordan River stood between them and the land that God had promised them.  

Now typically, crossing the Jordan River wouldn’t have been such a big deal.  But God chose to have the Israelites cross the Jordan during flood stage.  

A little geography lesson might help us grasp just how difficult this crossing was.  As Dale Davis says, “…the river helps one to appreciate the miracle.”

The river’s floodplain between the Sea of Galilee and the Dead Sea is packed with tangled brush and jungle growth.  Crossing the river during flood stage was extremely dangerous, not only because of the raging current but because of the jungle growth underneath the water that would entangle you.  

As I was reading about God leading the Israelites to go over the Jordan in Joshua 3, a phrase in verse 8 jumped off the page and right into my heart.  God told the priests:

“…when you come to the edge of the waters of the Jordan, you shall stand still IN the Jordan.”

God didn’t tell the priests to be still near the Jordan…beside the Jordan…at the Jordan…but IN the Jordan.

I have written before about Psalm 46:10, my mother’s favorite verse.  In fact, I have her framed copy of that wonderful reminder to “Be still and know that I am God.”

Be still.  Quit striving.  And know that God is God.

That’s the only knowledge we need as we walk through this life.  

Sometimes God leads us right into the flood.  We feel helpless and scared…maybe confused and bitter.

But this is where our trust in God can and should grow, even as the flood swirls around us and the undergrowth attempts to pull us under.

What is your Jordan today?  

“Perhaps He brings us into impossible circumstances, situations so bleak and hopeless, for the purpose of impressing upon us that if we make it through, if we endure it, if we are not overwhelmed and washed away, it will be only because of His grace and power.”   (Dale Ralph Davis)

So, be still IN your Jordan, and watch God work His best for you in that place of trust and peace.