I'm Patty, and my husband and I are living with our adult son who has autism and epilepsy. I love sharing lessons learned from life around me, especially life with Aaron.
Author: Patty hesaidwhatks
I'm Patty and I write about our adult son who has Epilepsy and Autism, who still lives with my husband and me, and who is a package full of many surprises and joys and challenges and TALK! Lots of talking, which creates laughter and some other reactions as well. I also write about how God shows Himself to me in everyday life.
Yesterday, Aaron and I had so much fun making our annual delivery of Valentine roses to Paradigm, his day group. The roses are given by our local Dillon’s store, made possible by our sweet friend, Jody.
I have more fun with this than Aaron does. He gets nervous about it, wanting things to go just so-so according to his perceived plans.
“Mom,” he told me on our way to Paradigm, “boys shouldn’t get roses.”
“Boys can have a rose if they want one,” I replied.
“But I see only women as being for roses,” he countered.
Oh Aaron.
So, you can see that Aaron had his mind made up about how this should operate. I gave him a little pre-event briefing as we drove there, and all was well as far as the guys getting a rose from Aaron.
The roses put smiles on many faces on this Valentine’s Day. I never capture it in pictures the way I would like but here are a few shots.
Even Piper, the dog, had a rose offered to him by Aaron.
When I watch Aaron’s friends, either at Paradigm or elsewhere, I am so touched by each of their physical struggles. Recently, Aaron casually mentioned a big change for one of his friends. It hit me hard. I wanted to hide behind a closed door away from Aaron and just cry for this dear person.
I watch these special friends of Aaron’s when I pick him up at the end of his day. Many of their struggles are physical and easily seen. Some are not so visible but are there just the same.
I am inspired by their strength amid their daily difficulties…how they accept their situations and keep going…how they laugh and hug and give of themselves to each other.
I saw a quote about a rose that I loved.
“A rose doesn’t talk about its beauty; it just shows it.”
When I look at our special ones, I see a unique kind of beauty. They don’t know how beautiful they really are…beautiful in the ways that count.
They don’t talk about their beauty, but they certainly show it in how they love and how they live with resilience and acceptance and strength.
They’re not held up by the world as models of fame and beauty.
They don’t swoosh in on a red carpet, cameras flashing, people clapping, gushing with their own vain glory, the subject of tomorrow’s headlines and news reels and parades.
But oh, they show a beauty that far exceeds the gaudy, self-serving lives that are idolized by so much of the world.
I would give them a million roses if I could, but I hope that the one rose they received yesterday reminds them that they are the true beauties of this world…and they show it every day without saying a word.
Nearly every day that Aaron is at his day group, one of the staff will take him the short distance down the road to the nearby Quik Trip. This little outing is the highlight of Aaron’s day. He loves picking out what food and drink he will buy.
Aaron especially loves Skittles, but his picky mom (ME!) has told him that he does not need to buy Skittles every day…and he definitely does NOT need to spend the majority of his money on the big bag of Skittles. A small bag of Skittles a couple times a week is OK.
Aaron has made this rule of Mom’s a big deal. A very big deal. He has talked it to death with me…teased relentlessly about buying Skittles when he didn’t buy them…told the staff over and over and over again about how “Mom said NOT to by Skittles!!…and I am quite sure, has talked loudly and clearly to the Quik Trip staff about how his Mom said not to buy Skittles.
During Christmas, Aaron was taken on his regular trip to Quik Trip. And guess what? He was given a special gift from the workers there.
You can probably guess what it was.
A very BIG container of yummy Skittles!!
Just look at Aaron’s face and you won’t need me to tell you how happy he was.
How I laughed when I saw these pictures!
But more than laughter, I was so touched by the kindness of the Quik Trip workers who obviously have gotten a kick out of talkative Aaron’s Skittles stories.
What a very nice thing for them to do!
Fast forward now to last week. Aaron and I had run into our nearby Dillon’s, where he hightailed it to the deli counter as soon as we walked in the door. I finally caught up to him, only to see him bent over rubbing his hands together and talking loudly in great delight.
“MOM!!” he nearly yelled, “they have Cheddar Pasta Salad today!!!”
Aaron’s love of Cheddar Pasta Salad is well known among the deli staff. Actually, it’s well known among many of the Dillon’s staff in other departments as well because Aaron makes sure that everybody is at the receiving end of his talking.
So, on this day I agreed to let him buy a Cheddar Pasta Salad…a LARGE!!…of course!
The very nice woman behind the counter has been getting to know me and Aaron. She is very patient with Aaron no matter how busy she is. She has experience with autism because of her own young son.
She happily filled the large container to the brim with the salad while Aaron excitedly oversaw her every move, all the while eagerly talking to her about the upcoming super bowl game. She told us how busy the deli was as they were preparing platters for the game, and then asked if we would like to see one of the deli trays she had just made.
She showed us the pretty tray and pointed out the super bowl ring that was part of the decoration on the side.
“Hey Aaron,” she said, “would you like a super bowl ring?”
“Yeah!!” he eagerly answered.
She handed him a ring and he put it right on his finger, a smile spread across his face.
At Meals on Wheels a couple days later, he wore that ring and showed it to everyone on our route.
There it was on his finger while we ate our burgers later.
And I was impressed with how the kindnesses shown to Aaron in these two experiences also show the caring hearts in so many people that cross our paths. Kindness doesn’t have to come in the form of giving Aaron things, either.
Kindness is also shown by a smile.
Or by not staring at Aaron like he is some sort of oddity.
And certainly, by being willing to listen to Aaron if he happily corners you somewhere with talk of his latest game or book or movie or SKITTLES!!
Being kind to our special son is a huge gift to not only Aaron, but to those of us who love him so much as well.
All our special people will thrive under the sunlight of love and kindness that shines down on them from those we encounter every day.
I am very thankful for those that know this and practice it in our lives.
My husband, Gary, was a helicopter and fixed-wing pilot in the Army for the first nearly 20 years of our marriage. We were stationed in Colorado when he got orders to serve in Germany. It’s all a bit of a blur, those months of separation as he attended a school before we went to Germany.
Finally, it was time for the movers to come. They loaded up our belongings for transport to Germany. Well, not all our belongings. Most of our furniture and all our appliances were put into storage, waiting on our return to the states later…six years later, though we didn’t know at the time it would be that long.
Several more months went by before Gary was assigned temporary quarters. Off I went with two babies to join him in Germany. Our temp quarters were on the fourth floor of an old WW2 building. The laundry room was down in the basement. Our apartment was full of military furniture that had been used by who knows how many families before us.
Eventually we moved into our permanent quarters. We had a nice apartment on the top floor of our building, complete with a balcony. We called this “stairwell living.” We had some of our furniture but most of what we had was sturdy, used military grade furnishings. Nothing fancy, for sure, but usable.
All of us wives were in the same boat. When we would get together, we often found ourselves talking about the furniture we had back in the states. One missed her living room set, another her big hutch and her nice dishes, or the beautiful bedroom suit one had bought shortly before getting their orders for Germany.
We would laugh and carry on, but all of us did miss what we used to have.
There are times we all miss what used to be.
The parents who are no longer here on earth. Or who are here but not here, and we care for them as though they were our children.
The spouse gone way too soon.
The child that we never dreamed we would lose.
The empty house when all the children are gone.
The healthy body we or our loved one had but is now ravaged by illness or slowed by age.
The friendships damaged beyond repair.
The ministries that once were but are now gone.
We all have our lists, don’t we? The memories flood in sometimes, and we can say with David in Psalm 42:3-4:
“My tears have been my food day and night…these things I remember and I pour out my soul within me.”
Memories of what was but is no more.
“Sometimes we can remember a ‘before,’ which is no longer present in the ‘now,’ doesn’t seem recoverable, and it saddens and distresses us.” (Dale Davis)
But David doesn’t end it there.
“O my God, my soul is in despair within me; THEREFORE I remember You from the land of the Jordan and the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.” (v. 6)
No matter his location or how far he was from the familiar paths of his life, David remembered WHO he needed to remember in the middle of his despair.
He remembered God.
God my rock, David said.
God my hope.
God my help.
God is present with me today, in my now, just as He was in my past.
All of you who follow Christ can say the same thing. Yes, memories can be a blessing, but they can also bring pain and depression.
O God, help us to not only remember what was, but to remember Who IS!
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father There is no shadow of turning with Thee. Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not. As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness. Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided. Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.
Summer and winter and springtime and harvest Sun, moon and stars in their courses above. Join with all nature in manifold witness To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Great is Thy faithfulness. Great is Thy faithfulness. Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided. Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide. Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. Blessings all mine with 10,000 beside.
Many of you have been wondering how Uncle Aaron is faring with his little nephew, Ryker. Well, since a picture is worth a thousand words, let me share our family Christmas picture that our sweet neighbor was kind enough to take for us in the middle of some cold temperatures.
You can clearly see the struggle on Aaron’s face. And also the love that his sister, Andrea, has for him as she helped him tolerate standing there long enough for some pictures by holding his hand.
It wasn’t just the cold that was bothering Aaron. Not even the promise of eating dinner out right after this was enough to make Aaron smile.
Reality was setting in for Aaron. Andrea worded it perfectly last night as we talked after Aaron had left the room.
“Ryker has infiltrated Aaron’s life,” she wisely said.
I can illustrate Aaron’s way of viewing his life by what happened as he and I were getting his blankets on his bed a couple nights ago. He got two new blankets for Christmas. Since it’s been so cold, he wants to put both new blankets on his bed along with the three he already uses…for a grand total of five blankets!
I have written before about the order of his covers. Nothing has changed. He has decided that on top of his already well-ordered blankets, he wants the Christmas blanket first and the grey blanket on top. I made the dastardly mistake of reversing that order. I went ahead with things, wondering if Aaron would mind. He did.
“Mom, I want the Christmas blanket first!” he said.
“It doesn’t really matter, Aaron,” I naively answered.
“But I want them the way I like them!” he declared.
He was already removing the offending grey blanket as he spoke. Knowing better than to fight his need for this certain order, I complied while keeping silent.
Pick your battles, right?
Aaron’s initial reaction to Ryker was precious. He gave Ryker his special bear, as I wrote about earlier.
Within three days, Aaron had taken back the bear.
Up and down.
After friends graciously took him out to dinner on our Christmas Eve, and then he survived our Christmas day, he was much improved. After some encouragement from me, he gave the bear back to Ryker.
But the realities of autism rule Aaron’s mind and his relationships.
Again, look at another picture. This is Aaron’s place at our dinner table one recent night. He set the table, and his setting is exactly as he wants…and needs…it to be. Fighting it is useless and unproductive.
Watching Aaron in every area of his life is exactly as described years ago by M.P. Everard: “…one is instantly aware of how different they are and the enormous effort they have to make to live in a world where no concessions are made and where they are expected to conform.”
The reality of a baby in our lives, even his precious nephew, is not precious to Aaron. He sees the laughter and the joy that Ryker brings. Aaron is not the center of attention. His egocentric tendencies rebel against this fact.
Conforming to our desire for Aaron to love and accept Ryker is a huge mountain for Aaron to climb.
When Ryker is with us during a meal, Aaron literally spends the entire time talking about things like the core of the earth, whatever video he is watching, aliens, etc., etc.
Andrea is so good to try to focus on Aaron, but we all know that Aaron also needs to understand and to share that focus with Ryker.
Ryker, the offending nephew.
The infiltration of the nephew is not acceptable to Aaron.
“I want life the way I like it!!” Aaron is inwardly…and sometimes outwardly…saying.
I wish he was only referring to blankets and silverware. But Aaron is also wanting his immediate family to focus on him when we are all together. Ryker is not cooperating with that demand from Aaron just by nature of being a baby.
Today I spent lots of much needed time with Aaron. We went to Wal-Mart, picked up Taco Bell for lunch, watched two episodes of All Creatures Great and Small, and played Yahtzee.
While shopping, Aaron picked out a cute little yellow stuffed bee that he wants to give Ryker. I talked to him about how the best thing he can give Ryker is his love and kindness. I believe, from Aaron’s responses, that he really does want to do that, but his desires are overtaken by how his brain is wired. He reacts spontaneously to his environment, no matter who he offends.
So, we keep plugging away as we try to understand with patience the huge task in front of Aaron. And trust me, sometimes our patience wears very thin.
Our prayer is that Aaron will learn to love sharing his love with Ryker as much as he loves sharing stuffed animals.
Through the ups and downs of this new journey, I do not want to forget all the goodness of God that He has shown us. The answers to our prayers have been amazing.
May I not lose sight of the fact that even when I feel like Aaron’s heart is out of our reach, his heart is never out of God’s reach.
Thank you to each of you who are caring and are praying.
Our crowd from Texas all arrived safely in three different stages on Monday night. What a relief to have them all here at last!
Except relief is not the word that Aaron would use to describe his feelings about this situation.
His word choice would have been “dread.” Dread mixed in with a little anger.
But Aaron reacts this way to any situation that threatens to up-end his ordered, predictable world.
Even on the day the family was to arrive, Aaron was still letting us know that he did not want to be Uncle Aaron and he did not want to have a nephew.
He was asleep when the last travelers arrived at 10:30, with Ryker (the nephew) in tow. Poor little Ryker was tired of traveling and scared of all the sudden new surroundings until he was able to finally stretch his legs and do some exploring. Then there was no stopping him!
Ryker was awake early the next morning, and so was Aaron. Aaron walked in the room where Ryker was staying. Andrea had just changed his diaper. I saw Aaron’s eyes dart to Ryker but then quickly look away.
“There’s Ryker, Aaron,” I softly said.
But Aaron was very nervous, and I knew not to push. Aaron focused solely on Andrea. He began talking about and showing her the box for his new Batman game. He was in his comfort zone, and it was best to leave him there.
Andrea and I went downstairs with Ryker, where Aaron soon followed, still focusing only on Andrea as he talked about games and movies…anything but “The Nephew.” Ryker just looked at Aaron, certainly intrigued, but Aaron still refused to acknowledge his presence.
After some time, Aaron thumped back up two flights of stairs to his bedroom. Soon we heard him coming down again. I thought that Aaron would have a new game box to show Andrea.
But no. Instead, he was carrying a stuffed bear.
This wasn’t just any stuffed bear. 34 years ago, while we lived in Germany, our third child was born…Andrew. Aaron was five years old, and he did not welcome his tiny little brother into the world. Instead, he was uncomfortable around baby Andrew and kept his sullen distance when they visited us in the hospital. We attributed it to normal adjustments that many children have with a new sibling.
When we brought Andrew home from the hospital, we were concerned about how Aaron would react to his brother actually living with us. As soon as we walked inside, Aaron looked at us and then ran back to his room. Soon he returned carrying his favorite stuffed bear, given to him when he was born.
“Here,” he said as he held his bear out to us. “Andrew can have this.”
That was his way of accepting his new brother. And for the rest of his years at home, that bear was Andrew’s bear.
Andrew grew up and moved away. The bear was in his closet. One day, Aaron saw the bear and asked if he could have it. Andrew, of course, said yes. So, for all these years that special bear has been Aaron’s bear again.
Over this past year we have watched 39-year-old Uncle Aaron exhibit the same unaccepting behavior toward his new baby nephew as he had shown toward his new brother.
But then…
Aaron held the bear out toward Ryker.
“Here,” he said to Andrea, “Ryker can have this.”
I was blown away as my mind wrapped around the significance of this moment.
I was taken back all those years ago to our military quarters in Germany, little Aaron handing his favorite bear to Andrew. And now handing that very significant bear to The Nephew. To Ryker.
I could never have orchestrated a sweeter, more meaningful way for Aaron to show his acceptance of Ryker.
Oh, thank you Lord!
And thanks to all of you have prayed over this past year for Aaron to accept and love Ryker. All of you have a part in the miracle we have seen over the past three days.
Aaron has been sharing food and toys and stuffed animals with his nephew.
But nothing he shares can surpass that first thing he shared…the little brown stuffed bear with such a story to tell of love and acceptance.
As I shared in my first blog, our daughter and son-in-law’s offer on a house in Wichita was accepted. Now it was time for them to hit the ground running as they hurried to put their house near Houston on the market.
They had already been working on projects to get their house ready to be listed but there was still much to do. My husband, Gary, drove down with all our boxes we had used during our main level remodel as well as tools that he could use to help with some projects.
There was quite a flurry of activity during those several days. Every inch of the house, inside and out, was being cleaned and uncluttered and repaired. The business end of putting the house on the market was being decided. Finally, before Gary left to come home, pictures were taken of the house…the for-sale sign was in the front yard…and soon their beautiful home was officially listed.
We fully expected the same scenario as we had seen with Roger and Deane’s home…lots of showings and then several offers right away. Maybe even a bidding war!
But no.
Crickets.
No showing notifications. For three days!
Come on people! We’re in a hurry to sell this house!
And we began to learn that the Houston housing market is not at all like the Wichita market.
During all this, when panic was at the door, I was reminded that God inhabits our praise. It was all too easy during our worrying to forget to praise God for His goodness and for His plan, yet to be fully seen. He gave me this truth at that time.
Finally, after three days of waiting, a showing was scheduled on the fourth day! Surely this would be IT!
Kyle and Andrea got the house spic and span…Andrea baked cookies and had water for the potential buyers…corralled their three dogs in one car…put baby Ryker in the other…and made it out the door and drove away in time.
Whew!!
But the potential buyers didn’t show up.
Hopes dashed.
So began a very stressful period for Kyle and Andrea. They had one couple who were finally interested in their house, but their offer was unreasonable…and so was the fact that they would randomly show up at their door!
Kyle was preparing to leave for his maritime job. He would be offshore, on a boat out in the Gulf…for a month! We had prayed for the house to sell before he left, but God had other plans.
I flew down to help Andrea for two weeks. I had no ulterior motives at all. Nothing whatsoever about this little precious boy drew me to Texas! Ha!
Before I left, Deane told me that she and Roger were praying for a cash buyer for Kyle and Andrea. So, we joined them in that prayer. It certainly would speed things up!
What a two weeks it was! Our first showing was the day after I arrived. That was the morning that Andrea had to take Kyle to get a physical before he boarded the boat and then take him to the port in Galveston. I was at the house doing what cleaning I could while I watched Ryker, kept an eye on the dogs, tried to pick up baby and dog toys…and what was that smell?! Had a mouse gotten in the wall and died?!
Not today!!
Thus began two weeks of crazy! We had down times with no showings but the showings we did have made up for the times of peace. Getting three dogs and a baby out the door in time was no easy task, all while cleaning and trying to KEEP the house clean.
The best picture of crazy was the day that we were rushing to get ready for a showing…the second showing for this particular realtor and his clients. That was hopeful! We were in our usual rush, but we had time and were feeling good about things. Then I saw a man walking to the door.
It was the realtor! An hour early!
He wanted to go ahead and show his clients the house. They were outside waiting in their car. And an older couple (grandparents?) were in another car. Andrea said no but told him we would hurry to get ready. She quickly put the dogs in the garage.
Then I saw Siggy, their husky, across the street in the neighbor’s yard!
There went Andrea, running across the street in front of the realtor, the clients, and the grandparents…yelling at Siggy…getting him back in the garage…trying to smile while everyone enjoyed the show!
Then we couldn’t find the misplaced car key, so we sat in the other car in the driveway while the group went in to see the house.
And they didn’t even put in an offer!
Time was passing! So, to my prayer for a cash buyer, I also asked God to please let the house sell before I left Houston to return to Wichita.
Six days before I was to leave, a realtor came to look at the house. His clients were out of town, but he knew what they wanted. He thought Kyle and Andrea’s house looked promising.
And oh, his clients were cash buyers.
We tried not to be too hopeful or to assume too much.
He liked what he saw. He made another appointment to bring his clients back to look at the house…six days later…the day I was leaving.
We managed to get out of the house 10 minutes before the showing. A 9:00 a.m. showing was no piece of cake for our two-legged and four-legged crowd!
How we were praying!
Andrea and I were on our way to the airport, Ryker asleep in his car seat, when not far from the airport her phone rang.
Rebecca, her realtor!
“The client’s realtor called,” she said. “He said to expect an offer this weekend. A cash offer.”
She was calm. We were anything BUT!
She cautioned us not to be too hopeful at this point.
All I could think of was that God seemed to be in this…and I was still in Houston, like I had prayed. At the airport, yes, but I hadn’t left yet! I think God was smiling.
We heard nothing that day, but on the next day Andrea called.
“I got the offer,” she told us. “It’s a cash offer for the full amount!”
Praise God!!!
There were a few hiccups in the next couple weeks, but God worked out every detail in the best way for Kyle and Andrea.
We are also very sensitive to the fact that there is another family who is dealing with all this in a different way than we are. We know that Kent and Marie, Kyle’s dear parents, are sad to see them and Ryker move so far away.
They have been nothing but supportive and kind…another reason for thankfulness and love on our part for them. And we are all praying for their future, wondering what other miracles God might do for them.
Yesterday was closing day. I can hardly describe my emotion when I received this picture.
Now begins the next chapter!
We will see how God supports our lot as He takes care of all our circumstances…including a nervous Uncle Aaron.
When each of us King babies was born, a dear family friend (Janice Vermillion) knit a stocking for us. You can see mine hanging here, a true antique now and yellowed with age – no comments, please.
When each of us King kids got married, my mother knit a stocking for our spouses. When the grand babies came, she knit a stocking for each of them. She even made stockings for our pets!
As she got older and before she could no longer knit, she made extra stockings for the grandchildren. One was for their future spouse, and then extra for their future children – her future great grandchildren.
When Andrea married Kyle, my sister Jan put his name on his stocking. Then when Andrea was pregnant, Jan…the keeper of the extra stockings …sent Andrea’s extra two stockings to her and Kyle so they could have one for their coming baby. Andrea chose the one she wanted for Ryker and I brought it home after one of my visits.
Yesterday, on our quiet Christmas, I put Ryker’s name on his stocking. I had a few conversations with Mom as I finished what she had started before she died. And I shed a few tears as I thought of all the love displayed not only in that one stocking, but in our row of stockings hung at our fireplace. And in the dozens and dozens of stockings she made for people all over the world.
Kyle said it so well as Andrea shared the stocking picture with him. To Ryker he said, “You’ve been loved since before you were born.”
Indeed.
Thank you, Mom, for the legacy of love you have given to us even long after you are not here.
I’m writing this on Christmas morning. Usually, our Christmas morning is full of all the activity that you normally think of, but not this year. We won’t be celebrating our Christmas until the middle of January. I’m about to explain why.
And sorry, neighbors, but our outdoor decorations are staying up longer than ever! HaHa!
Our daughter Andrea and her husband Kyle live in the Houston area. They have wanted to leave the city for some time. After little Ryker was born, that desire intensified. Several months ago, they talked to their realtor there to start formulating a plan. Nothing was immediate, though. Their desire was to move to Wichita, where Gary and I live, but there was no concrete plan and no house on their radar.
Last October…on the 22nd, to be exact…I shared with Andrea the burden on my heart about their desire to move. I told her I didn’t know how she could do that if she was working on a new lab consulting position that was in the works.
So, I told her about a home for sale here. Roger and Deane, friends of ours that she also knows, were getting ready to put their house on the market. Andrea felt that it would be out of their price range, but I encouraged her to contact them anyway. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
She messaged Deane and lo and behold, the house WAS in their price range. Thus began a crazy week of lining up a loan pre-approval and so many other details…quickly. Very quickly!
Four days later, Roger and Deane’s realtor took pictures of their home. They thought the house wouldn’t be on the market for another week or two, but suddenly on that same day a for-sale sign was in their yard and the house was going live the next day.
Andrea and I talked that evening. “I’m trying not to be heartbroken and panic at the same time,” she told me.
This seemed insurmountable. But during this week God had given me a verse, as He always does. I was comforted as I read it, writing my memorial stone words in the margin beside God’s words.
“The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot.” (Psalm 16:5)
“Kyle and Andrea buying Brown’s house. October 2023,” I wrote.
The meaning of, “You support my lot,” is this: You take care of my circumstances.
What a needed promise! Whatever happened with this house was in God’s hands.
The next day, Andrea asked if Gary and I could run over to look at the house. Roger and Deane’s realtor had agreed to have us come and look around on behalf of Andrea and Kyle since they were out of town.
The dream seemed to still be alive!
Off we went! It was wonderful to see Roger and Deane. We stressed to them that they needed to pretend that they didn’t know us or know Andrea…that this was a business deal. Their realtor was facetiming with Andrea as she looked at the house from Houston. What a crazy way to try to buy a house! But God loves crazy.
Andrea and Kyle decided to put in an offer, but they needed a realtor here. Their loan company recommended one. Heather and Andrea talked, and in the conversation, Heather told Andrea that she might be hard to reach on Sunday mornings because she would be in church…a church that we know here. Heather is a believer! Another evidence of God’s hand!
The weekend was a bit stressful with offers for Roger and Deane’s beautiful home coming in…counter-offers…waiting and more waiting…realtors talking – just everything that goes along with buying a home.
I was in the bowling alley with Aaron and our friends when my phone rang on that Monday, October 30. It was Andrea calling. I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer, but I stepped outside so I could hear whatever news it was.
“They accepted our offer!!” Andrea exclaimed.
And just like that, the dream had become a reality!
It was surreal and amazing and so hard to grasp in that moment what God had done.
How thankful we were!
One more thing. Who are Roger and Deane?
Well, without giving too much detail, they had stood by our side 15 years ago during a very hard trial. Stood with us when no one else in that particular group would. And now God had brought them back into our lives to greatly bless our family again.
Isn’t God just wonderful to weave such a sweet story for all of us?!
But oh, there was so much ahead for everyone.
So much stress to come.
And so many opportunities for God to show His hand!
Tis the season for the Christmas story to be at the forefront of people’s lives. And in the forefront of that story is the little town of Nazareth. Gabriel was sent there to tell Mary that she was the one whom God had called to bear and give birth to His Son, Jesus.
Nazareth…a very small dusty town. Pretty much a place one would pass by rather than linger there for any reason other than to perhaps get a drink of water. Larger, more exciting towns were nearby.
Years later, when Jesus was calling His disciples, Philip went to find Nathanael. He told Nathanael that they had found the One foretold by Moses…Jesus, of Nazareth.
Nathanael’s response?
“Can any good thing come out of Nazareth?”
That seems to be the reputation of Nazareth in a nutshell.
But Mary lived there, and her betrothed, Joseph. Two unknown people in an unknown town…a town nowhere mentioned in the Old Testament or early Jewish literature.
But the angel said that Mary had found favor with God.
How? How do you make a name for yourself in Nazareth, of all places?
But that’s just it. Mary didn’t set about to be noticed by God. She wasn’t trying to do great things. She simply lived her life for the glory of God in every mundane daily task that was a natural part of living in Nazareth.
Less than an hour ago I stood by Aaron as he had his third seizure in four hours. This one was very hard. My heart hurts.
Afterward, I sat by our Christmas tree and pondered this life that God has given me. In many ways, I can say that this is my Nazareth.
I have had a taste of the “other” side of life. Awards, travel, lots of ministry, etc., etc.
But as time has gone by, my world has narrowed a lot. The life of a long-term caregiving parent is not exciting. It is not a life that others point to as they wish they had MY life.
And all of my fellow caregiving friends know “the look.” It’s the look that crosses a person’s face when they ask what you do or if you can join in this or that, and you tell them your situation. So often there is no real understanding. Sympathy, perhaps. Compassion, sometimes.
But it’s like they don’t know what to do with you.
Kind of like being from Nazareth.
But God has a purpose for each of His children in His kingdom. Even us Nazareth folk.
For God says that He works all things for good in the lives of His followers.
I have good purpose, right here in my Nazareth.
For every piece of wet bedding washed, every meal cooked, every bathroom cleaned, every doctor appointment, favorite show watched and game played, every story listened to for the 500th time – is just what God has for me to do where He has put me.
He put Aaron with us. I can look at my life with him as my ministry or as a misery.
Human nature makes us feel that we’re not really being of value unless our calendars are full of events and we are free to come and go as we choose our opportunities. And this is wonderful for many people.
But for my other Nazareth people…whatever your Nazareth is…know that there ARE good things that come out of Nazareth.
Claim your purpose where God has placed you!
Be faithful there in the messy and the mundane.
In so doing, you are bringing delight to God…and there is no higher calling.
A prominent trait of individuals with autism is a fixation on time. Not just the current time, as in this oft-repeated conversation:
Me: Aaron, would you like to go ahead and eat your sub for lunch?
Aaron: Wait!
He then pushes his shirt sleeve up…WAY up, because he wears his watch halfway to his elbow…and stares at the time.
Aaron: Not yet.
Me (knowing the answer): Why not?
Aaron: Because it isn’t 12:00 yet. It’s 11:54.
But Aaron is also very concerned about ordering the timing of events in his day. That particular interchange sounds like this.
Me: Aaron, would you like to go to Swanson Park for a walk today?
Aaron: Yes! What time?
Me: Just whenever I get done with this laundry and a couple other things.
Aaron: So what time will that be?
Me: I don’t know, but I’ll come get you when I’m ready.
Later, as we walk in the park:
Me: After we finish our walk, I need to run by the house to do a few things. Then would you like to go to Dairy Queen? (Silly question!)
Aaron: Yeah!! What time?
Me: I don’t know the exact time. We haven’t even finished our walk yet.
Aaron: OK. So will it be 3:00?
Me: I don’t know, Aaron.
Later again, as Aaron is happily chowing down on a Choco Brownie Extreme Blizzard:
Me: For our show tonight, do you want to watch The Big Valley?
Aaron: Yeah!!
Silence, but I’m waiting for it…and Aaron doesn’t disappoint.
Aaron: What time?
AAAAHHHHH!!
That last part was just in my head.
Oh Aaron! He can drive us to distraction with his emphasis on time. And drives himself into great frustration when his timing ideas don’t match up with ours. Or even worse, when he asks us what time something will happen, and we don’t give him a precise answer.
Did you know that between the Old and New Testaments, there was a gap of 400 years when the people of Israel did not hear directly from God? There were no prophets, no visions, no word from God at all.
Just silence.
BUT!!!!
“BUT when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law.” (Galatians 4:4)
When the time was right in God’s eyes, did He ever speak! He sent His only Son, born of woman, to live and die in this world so that you and I could be redeemed.
I’m a time worrier, too. I wonder why sometimes God seems silent, or why He answers me but not in the way or in the timing I want…and am sure I need.
But this verse in Psalm 16 has meant so much to me, especially recently as I have claimed it for a situation in our family:
“The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot. (Psalm 16:4)
Just as God portioned out the Promised Land to Israel, so He also gives to me what I need but only WHEN I need it…not when I THINK I need it.
The words, ‘You support my lot’ mean that God takes care of my circumstances.
When I allow Him to be my portion and my inheritance…I partake of Him in daily communion as I travel this road of life…I learn to trust His timing in all the matters of life that matter so much to me.
Yes, I’m human and I get impatient and bothered but God is ever faithful and understanding of my fixation on time, much like Aaron’s.
…sent Andrea’s extra two stockings to her and Kyle so they could have one for their coming baby. Andrea chose the one she wanted for Ryker and I brought it home after one of my visits.
He Said What?! 