Moving!

I’m writing this on Christmas morning.  Usually, our Christmas morning is full of all the activity that you normally think of, but not this year.  We won’t be celebrating our Christmas until the middle of January.  I’m about to explain why.

And sorry, neighbors, but our outdoor decorations are staying up longer than ever!  HaHa!

Our daughter Andrea and her husband Kyle live in the Houston area.  They have wanted to leave the city for some time.  After little Ryker was born, that desire intensified.  Several months ago, they talked to their realtor there to start formulating a plan.  Nothing was immediate, though.  Their desire was to move to Wichita, where Gary and I live, but there was no concrete plan and no house on their radar.

Last October…on the 22nd, to be exact…I shared with Andrea the burden on my heart about their desire to move.  I told her I didn’t know how she could do that if she was working on a new lab consulting position that was in the works.  

So, I told her about a home for sale here.   Roger and Deane, friends of ours that she also knows, were getting ready to put their house on the market.  Andrea felt that it would be out of their price range, but I encouraged her to contact them anyway.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

She messaged Deane and lo and behold, the house WAS in their price range.  Thus began a crazy week of lining up a loan pre-approval and so many other details…quickly.  Very quickly!

Four days later, Roger and Deane’s realtor took pictures of their home.  They thought the house wouldn’t be on the market for another week or two, but suddenly on that same day a for-sale sign was in their yard and the house was going live the next day.  

Andrea and I talked that evening.  “I’m trying not to be heartbroken and panic at the same time,” she told me.  

This seemed insurmountable.  But during this week God had given me a verse, as He always does.  I was comforted as I read it, writing my memorial stone words in the margin beside God’s words.

“The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot.”   (Psalm 16:5)

“Kyle and Andrea buying Brown’s house.  October 2023,” I wrote.

The meaning of, “You support my lot,” is this:  You take care of my circumstances.  

What a needed promise!  Whatever happened with this house was in God’s hands.

The next day, Andrea asked if Gary and I could run over to look at the house.  Roger and Deane’s realtor had agreed to have us come and look around on behalf of Andrea and Kyle since they were out of town.  

The dream seemed to still be alive!

Off we went!  It was wonderful to see Roger and Deane.  We stressed to them that they needed to pretend that they didn’t know us or know Andrea…that this was a business deal.  Their realtor was facetiming with Andrea as she looked at the house from Houston.  What a crazy way to try to buy a house!  But God loves crazy.

Andrea and Kyle decided to put in an offer, but they needed a realtor here.  Their loan company recommended one.  Heather and Andrea talked, and in the conversation, Heather told Andrea that she might be hard to reach on Sunday mornings because she would be in church…a church that we know here.  Heather is a believer!  Another evidence of God’s hand!

The weekend was a bit stressful with offers for Roger and Deane’s beautiful home coming in…counter-offers…waiting and more waiting…realtors talking – just everything that goes along with buying a home.  

I was in the bowling alley with Aaron and our friends when my phone rang on that Monday, October 30.  It was Andrea calling.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer, but I stepped outside so I could hear whatever news it was.

“They accepted our offer!!” Andrea exclaimed.

And just like that, the dream had become a reality!

It was surreal and amazing and so hard to grasp in that moment what God had done.

How thankful we were!

One more thing.  Who are Roger and Deane?

Well, without giving too much detail, they had stood by our side 15 years ago during a very hard trial.  Stood with us when no one else in that particular group would.  And now God had brought them back into our lives to greatly bless our family again.

Isn’t God just wonderful to weave such a sweet story for all of us?!

But oh, there was so much ahead for everyone.  

So much stress to come.

And so many opportunities for God to show His hand!

I’ll share the next chapter later.  

Good in My Nazareth?

Tis the season for the Christmas story to be at the forefront of people’s lives.  And in the forefront of that story is the little town of Nazareth.  Gabriel was sent there to tell Mary that she was the one whom God had called to bear and give birth to His Son, Jesus.  

Nazareth…a very small dusty town.  Pretty much a place one would pass by rather than linger there for any reason other than to perhaps get a drink of water.  Larger, more exciting towns were nearby.  

Years later, when Jesus was calling His disciples, Philip went to find Nathanael.  He told Nathanael that they had found the One foretold by Moses…Jesus, of Nazareth.

Nathanael’s response?

“Can any good thing come out of Nazareth?”

That seems to be the reputation of Nazareth in a nutshell.

But Mary lived there, and her betrothed, Joseph.  Two unknown people in an unknown town…a town nowhere mentioned in the Old Testament or early Jewish literature.  

But the angel said that Mary had found favor with God.

How?  How do you make a name for yourself in Nazareth, of all places?

But that’s just it.  Mary didn’t set about to be noticed by God.  She wasn’t trying to do great things.  She simply lived her life for the glory of God in every mundane daily task that was a natural part of living in Nazareth.

Less than an hour ago I stood by Aaron as he had his third seizure in four hours.  This one was very hard.  My heart hurts.

Afterward, I sat by our Christmas tree and pondered this life that God has given me.  In many ways, I can say that this is my Nazareth.

I have had a taste of the “other” side of life.  Awards, travel, lots of ministry, etc., etc.  

But as time has gone by, my world has narrowed a lot.  The life of a long-term caregiving parent is not exciting.  It is not a life that others point to as they wish they had MY life.  

And all of my fellow caregiving friends know “the look.”  It’s the look that crosses a person’s face when they ask what you do or if you can join in this or that, and you tell them your situation.  So often there is no real understanding.  Sympathy, perhaps.  Compassion, sometimes.

But it’s like they don’t know what to do with you.  

Kind of like being from Nazareth.

But God has a purpose for each of His children in His kingdom.  Even us Nazareth folk.

For God says that He works all things for good in the lives of His followers.  

I have good purpose, right here in my Nazareth.

For every piece of wet bedding washed, every meal cooked, every bathroom cleaned, every doctor appointment, favorite show watched and game played, every story listened to for the 500th time – is just what God has for me to do where He has put me.

He put Aaron with us.  I can look at my life with him as my ministry or as a misery.

Human nature makes us feel that we’re not really being of value unless our calendars are full of events and we are free to come and go as we choose our opportunities.  And this is wonderful for many people.

But for my other Nazareth people…whatever your Nazareth is…know that there ARE good things that come out of Nazareth.

Claim your purpose where God has placed you!

Be faithful there in the messy and the mundane.

In so doing, you are bringing delight to God…and there is no higher calling.

Even in Nazareth.

What Time?

A prominent trait of individuals with autism is a fixation on time.  Not just the current time, as in this oft-repeated conversation:

Me:  Aaron, would you like to go ahead and eat your sub for lunch?

Aaron:  Wait!

He then pushes his shirt sleeve up…WAY up, because he wears his watch halfway to his elbow…and stares at the time.

Aaron:  Not yet.

Me (knowing the answer):  Why not?

Aaron:  Because it isn’t 12:00 yet.  It’s 11:54.

But Aaron is also very concerned about ordering the timing of events in his day.  That particular interchange sounds like this.

Me:  Aaron, would you like to go to Swanson Park for a walk today?

Aaron:  Yes!  What time?

Me:  Just whenever I get done with this laundry and a couple other things.

Aaron:  So what time will that be?

Me:  I don’t know, but I’ll come get you when I’m ready.

Later, as we walk in the park:

Me:  After we finish our walk, I need to run by the house to do a few things.  Then would you like to go to Dairy Queen?  (Silly question!)

Aaron:  Yeah!!  What time?

Me:  I don’t know the exact time.  We haven’t even finished our walk yet.

Aaron:  OK.  So will it be 3:00?

Me:  I don’t know, Aaron.

Later again, as Aaron is happily chowing down on a Choco Brownie Extreme Blizzard:

Me:  For our show tonight, do you want to watch The Big Valley?

Aaron:  Yeah!!

Silence, but I’m waiting for it…and Aaron doesn’t disappoint.

Aaron:  What time?

AAAAHHHHH!!

That last part was just in my head.

Oh Aaron!  He can drive us to distraction with his emphasis on time.  And drives himself into great frustration when his timing ideas don’t match up with ours.  Or even worse, when he asks us what time something will happen, and we don’t give him a precise answer.

Did you know that between the Old and New Testaments, there was a gap of 400 years when the people of Israel did not hear directly from God?  There were no prophets, no visions, no word from God at all.

Just silence.

BUT!!!!

“BUT when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law.”   (Galatians 4:4)

When the time was right in God’s eyes, did He ever speak!  He sent His only Son, born of woman, to live and die in this world so that you and I could be redeemed.  

I’m a time worrier, too.  I wonder why sometimes God seems silent, or why He answers me but not in the way or in the timing I want…and am sure I need.  

But this verse in Psalm 16 has meant so much to me, especially recently as I have claimed it for a situation in our family:

“The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot.  (Psalm 16:4)

Just as God portioned out the Promised Land to Israel, so He also gives to me what I need but only WHEN I need it…not when I THINK I need it.  

The words, ‘You support my lot’ mean that God takes care of my circumstances.  

When I allow Him to be my portion and my inheritance…I partake of Him in daily communion as I travel this road of life…I learn to trust His timing in all the matters of life that matter so much to me.  

Yes, I’m human and I get impatient and bothered but God is ever faithful and understanding of my fixation on time, much like Aaron’s.

God takes care of my circumstances!

What an absolutely amazing thought.  

Me:  What time, God?

God:  In MY time, Patty.  The fullness of time.  

And that’s really all I need to know.

Aaron’s Talking Points #15

It’s beyond time for another selection of Aaron’s funny comments and his very unique take on the world. I hope you smile and maybe even laugh. We do!

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Aaron during Skip-Bo: “Oh, Mom! Yesterday in Best Buy I didn’t look at the sign and I went in the women’s bathroom! I wondered why the Best Buy people had made the bathroom look different.” 

“Aaron! Was anyone in there?” 

“No – just Tiffany.”

 Aahhhh!!! 

“And I went ahead and used the bathroom.” 

Double Aahhhhhh!! 

I will NOT be seen with Aaron in the New Market Best Buy anytime in the near future.

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Aaron, looking at leftovers in the frig: “Mom, do we have any of that fajita thing left?” 

Me: “What fajita thing?”

 Aaron: “You know – the one I wanted to gorge on.” 

Well, Aaron, that could be anything that you’re looking at in the frig, basically.

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Aaron was showing me the box for his ridiculous genetically altered python movie. 

“And look, Mom, at how big that snake is! He’s 128 feet pounds!!!” 

Oh please, can we not start doing this? I do NOT need to add my feet to my pounds!!

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Aaron knew that I had some meatballs in the frig. When he came home today, he said, “Mom, what’s for supper? Is it some of that circle meat?” 

Must be similar to round steak!

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Aaron had a Celtic Thunder CD in the van that we were listening to. We were on number 7. Aaron always listens to every song on every CD, from the very beginning to the very end, no matter if he (or ME!!) likes the songs or not. We have quite a few Celtic Thunder CDs, but only one was in the van at the time Aaron decided to play it. However, he remembered that we have all those other CDs, so today on our way to his doctor appointment, he walked out of the house carrying all our Celtic Thunder CDs.

When we got in the van, I turned on the current CD…the one on number 7 and not nearly finished…but he promptly took it out of the player.

“Aaron!” I said, “why did you do that?”

No comment as he bent way over his CDs, reading the back of each one. And I…who am smarter than your average bear…knew exactly what he was doing. He was arranging the CDs in listening order based on the year that each CD was made, beginning with the earliest and going to the latest.

“Aaron,” I tried again. “I really liked song number 7. I wanted to keep listening to that CD.”

Still no comment as Aaron opened a CD box, took out the CD, and put it in the player. I sighed and huffed, but he took no notice.

“Aaron,” I finally asked, “how did you decide which order to use for Celtic Thunder?”

“From the years went by,” he simply answered.

He never disappoints. But I still like song number 7 on that other CD, even if it isn’t in the right order!! 😃 😃

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I was complimenting Aaron last night on the fact that he’s been happy and more compliant lately. I told him that he’s even been getting out of bed nicely on the mornings that he sleeps a little later. His reply?

“When I wake up in the morning, I expect myself to get up!”

And again, I learn from Aaron – and I laugh, too. 😁❤️

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Aaron, listening to a song as we drove home from his day group:

“Mom, are they kinda a rock team?” 😎😅🖤🎼🎶🥁

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Aaron is really, really wanting to get flowers for some of his staff.

“Mom,” he begged, “I just want to get ONE! Not the WHOLE set!”

😂🌹💐

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I took Aaron to his yearly eye exam today. God bless Aaron’s eye doctor. Next week I’ll be saying, “God bless Aaron’s dental hygienist,” but today all blessings go his eye doctor and to the staff. Oh, Aaron isn’t mean. He just has a very difficult time understanding what the doctor needs from him…..how to express what he is seeing or not seeing clearly…..opening his eyes wide…..not leaning back from every instrument that comes toward his eyes…..things like that. There was one very funny interchange, though, during the exam. You know how the doctor wants you to tell which lens helps you to see the letters on the wall the clearest.

Dr. Nelson: Aaron, is number one better? Or number two?

Aaron: Number one.

Dr. Nelson: OK. Now which is better? Number three, or number four?

Aaron: Number one.

Dr. Nelson: Let’s try again. Number three, or number four?

Aaron: The first one.

Dr. Nelson: You mean number three….here…..or number four…..here.

Aaron: Number one.

Dr. Nelson: Let’s try these. Number five, or number six.

Aaron: The first one.

Dr. Nelson: Let’s try number seven…..

Aaron: Number one.

Dr. Nelson: OK, let’s not do numbers anymore. Is this one better, or this one better?

Aaron: Number one.

HaHaHaHa!!!!!! How I wanted to belly laugh!! I do believe that number one was the winner, don’t you??!! 😎😵🤣

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Aaron just now: “Mom, you know how some people are like, half Indian? Well, is Dad half country?” Where does he come up with this stuff? How do I answer these questions? And when I laugh, he just stands there and looks at me, still waiting for the answer. Cracks me up!

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Aaron is placing his order for his weekend snack bag – a bag of snacks that he gets on Friday based on good behavior and attendance at his day group. Of course, if I was a fly on the wall at his day group, his snack bag might contain fewer goodies. 🤨

Anyway, this morning he wanted to be sure once again that I was clear about one particular request.

“Mom, can I have those circle Reese’s with a wrapper?” 😍

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Aaron and I were in the waiting room at the eye doctor yesterday when in walked a nun dressed in her habit from head to toe. Now some of you remember that Aaron has had conversations with us about nuns he sees when he is out with his day group, like the nun he saw at the mall. We finally figured out that the person he was describing was a nun, so we asked him if she was alone. “No,” Aaron answered. “She had her children with her.” Ummmm…..OK.

So yesterday I didn’t know what Aaron might say about this nun as she stood there at the front desk checking in. I was wondering how long I could hold my breath and was hoping that tickling Aaron’s back would make him keep his head down so he wouldn’t notice her. But he looked up and saw her, and just stared at her as she finished checking in and then walked over to the bathroom.

His only comment: “Mom, she’s wearing a hood. She must work for the church!”

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Aaron is stronger today, feeling better and happy to be talking more. Last night I cleaned his outer ears with a Q-tip, so this morning he had to tell me something. “Mom! Last night you made my throat tickle when you used that ear stick.” I hope I’m nearby if he tries telling one of his doctors about this home remedy.

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Aaron couldn’t go with me to pick out a Father’s Day card for Gary, so I got one that has a Superman logo on the front.

“Superman?” Aaron asked. “That’s weird.”

 I told him it wasn’t weird and to sign the card, which he did, very formally as usual. The first signature was “fancy,” as he says, and the second one was “regular.” Then I told him to put the word “Dad” on the envelope, but of course that word is too regular, so he put Gary Moore on the envelope.

 We told Gary to come upstairs and while he walked up the stairs, I coached Aaron on what to say when he handed Gary the card. “Aaron, say ‘Happy Father’s Day!’ ” I told him. “Say Happy Father’s Day?” Aaron asked. “That’s weird!” So of course, Aaron just handed Gary the card with a very sentimental, “Here!”

 Then he proceeded to point out that he had written Gary Moore on the envelope, all the while laughing at his little joke. So, I’ll say Happy Father’s Day, Gary. If I only had this past week on which to base what kind of Dad you are, it would be enough to say that you are a great Dad. And that’s not weird. ♥

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Aaron woke up this morning to find a little blood on his pillow, so he thinks he had a bloody nose. “Mom, when I woke up, I was sleeping on top of my nose!” That would explain it.

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Aaron wasn’t happy with his weight at his doctor visit last week, so today he came home and said, “I don’t want to be at — so I bought some Twizzlers and checked the back for the fatness and the sugar.”

 He held up a bag and so I asked if that was the bag he bought. “No, this is the second bag. I already ate the first one.”

 Let’s talk about portion control next.

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Today Aaron had an appointment with his Epileptologist. I call it Doctor Visit, Take Two.

Aaron was very drowsy after taking his morning meds. In fact, so drowsy that I told him as we entered the exam room to just sit in the chair, not up on the exam table. But NOOOO, Aaron thinks that one MUST sit on the exam table when in the exam room. Silly Mom.

The nurse had come in the room and had begun asking me questions about Aaron’s meds and dosages. Aaron, in the meantime, stood facing the exam table.

Nurse: So Aaron is on ——-?

Me: Yes. Aaron, do not climb on the table. Turn and SIT on it.

Nurse: And what is his dosage of ——-?

Me: 200 mg. in the morning and 200 mg. at night. Aaron, why are you climbing on the table? Turn and SIT on it.

But it was too late. Aaron was now on the exam table on all fours, his rear end where his face should be, with nowhere to go on that small, narrow table. More like a dog at the vet.

Nurse: (Unaffected) And is he taking ——-?

Me: Yes. Aaron, be careful! What are you doing?!

Aaron was now slowly turning around, still on all fours, and crumpling the paper that covered the table.

Nurse: Aaron is also taking ——-?

Me: Yes. 1,000 mg. in the morning and 2,000 mg. at night. Aaron, for crying out loud, would you please just sit down the right way?!

Nurse: (Still unaffected) So he’s still taking ——-?

Me: Yes, 1 mg. at night.

Aaron was now sideways on the table, shoes kicked off, mission almost accomplished. And I was laughing, really laughing, at this whole scene……which Aaron thought was pretty cool, because at least silly mom wasn’t upset in a mad way.

  Aaron then got fully turned around so now his face was finally where his rear had been, and he decided to sit Indian style on the exam table.

Nurse: Any anxiety?

Me: Aaron or ME???!!!

Nurse finally smiled as she left the room.

WAIT!! No exam??!!

🤣

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‘Til next time. Have a very Happy and Thankful Thanksgiving!

Do You Know Me?

One evening last week, Aaron had a money gift burning a hole in his pocket.  He knew exactly what he wanted, so off we went to Walmart to look at throw pillows.  He wanted one to rest his book on while reading at night.  Soon we were walking down the main aisle toward the check-out lanes, Aaron happily holding his very soft black pillow.  

Walking toward us was a cashier whose lane we have used several times when we have checked out.   While in her lane, Aaron, as usual, talks and talks to her while she scans our items.  He discusses with her what we have bought..what he likes that we have bought..does she like those too?…what he wanted but Mom wouldn’t let him get…would she want those?…why or why not?…and anything else that he can quickly grab out of thin air before it’s time for us to walk away.

Aaron spied her as she walked toward us.  She gave us a nice smile.  I said hello and smiled in return.  Then Aaron stopped beside her and stared.  She wasn’t quite sure what to do.

“Do you know me?” he asked her.  

“Well, I scan your items sometimes and I remember you,” she replied, relaxing some and smiling at Aaron.

“It’s almost my BIRTHDAY!!” he exclaimed.

She wished him a happy birthday as I took his arm to lead him on and thanked her.

Oh, Aaron.

So unabashedly himself.  

Of course she remembers you, I thought to myself.  LOTS of people remember you.

But then it hit me.  It’s one thing to remember Aaron.  It’s quite another thing to KNOW Aaron.

“Do you know me?” he asked.

Aaron wasn’t diagnosed with autism until he was 14 years old.  We remember many incidents during those years before his diagnosis.  We remember his behaviors and quirks increasing but everyone attributing it to his seizure meds or the effects of the seizures themselves.  It was an extremely stressful time.

His autism diagnosis answered so many questions for us.  Off we set on this journey of understanding autism as it related to Aaron.

More importantly, however, we began to really understand Aaron through the tangled web of autism.  

In other words, we were getting to know Aaron for the complex person that he is.  

To REALLY know him.

It’s fun to know the funny side of Aaron.

We smile at the quirky side of Aaron.

And to enjoy the things that Aaron enjoys.

All those traits, and many more, are easy to roll with and relish.

But…and there’s always a “but,” isn’t there?

But there is an equal part of Aaron that can be very stressful and upsetting.

Sometimes, the upsets are mild, like when he uses multiple utensils for every meal.  Or doesn’t even use all of them but he needs each of them for reasons that are very real to him.  

Or how he can’t have just one CD of a particular artist that he is listening to but must have all of them out of the cabinet at the same time, strewn around the van or hidden under his bed.

How his routine and schedule are so important to him, to the point that he has a very hard time yielding any of it to our schedule, or to understand interruptions.

How hard it is so many times to wait on us when we’re going somewhere.  His impatience turns to anger, which can spread quickly to us.  

And then he carries that anger on some days to his day group, where he takes it out on others and has a no good, very bad day.  Here he is on one such very bad day.

It’s heartbreaking to see his struggles.  

“Do you know me?” I imagine him saying to us or to those who work with him.

Knowing Aaron…really knowing Aaron…takes lots of time and experience.  Lots of hard knocks and long nights and balancing acts.

Many days it’s one step forward and two steps back.

“Do you know me?” he asks again.

Sometimes we answer yes through gritted teeth, through tears, or anger and harsh words.

And then guilt.

Guilt that even though we know Aaron, we don’t always remember how he will react to even the most mundane things…things like a facial expression, a tone of voice, or a hand movement that pushes him over the edge.

But there is another thing we know.  

We know that God designed Aaron to be truly unique.  

God gave Aaron to us to love and to care for.  

And God knows that we need His strength and wisdom every single day.

“Do you know me?” Aaron asks again.

“Yes, Aaron,” we reply.  “We know you, and we will always remember that we love you in all your variety.”

Remain With God

I’m sitting here tonight at my desk, feeling the weight of hurt that someone I love is enduring.  Yet knowing, too, that God is at work answering prayers that have been prayed for years. 

Sometimes God’s answers come with pain.  

Praying with that knowledge is an act of sacrifice.

I don’t like pain and hurt, and I especially don’t like to see those I love in that condition.

A few weeks ago, I drove to see a sweet friend for the day.  I shot this quick picture while I headed down the road.  

That cloud was both beautiful and intimidating.  Would it just stay a gorgeous cloud, or would it turn into a storm?  On I went on the road I needed to take.  Turns out there was a little thunder later but mostly I enjoyed a very pretty sky that God gave.

About this same time, I read I Corinthians 7.  Paul was encouraging people of various situations in life…wives, Jews, Gentiles, slaves.  He ended the section with these words:

“Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called.”   (I Cor. 7:24)

Three words jumped out at me.  

Remain with God.

Whatever the condition to which we are called, we are to remain with God.

Sometimes…very often, actually…life’s situations to which God calls us are just plain hard.

Cancer.  Oh, the dear friends I have who are battling cancer.

Dementia.  Loss of a loved one.  Or caring for a loved one with a serious illness.

Parenting special needs of any age.

And this world.  This sad, scary, upended world.

But through it all, we are to remain with God.  

Like that road I was driving, straight with a curve up ahead and a big uncertain cloud, but on which I knew I must remain until I reached my destination.

Remain with God through the tears, the fears, the pain, the pressures.

Don’t give up on God.  Listen to what else Paul said about his own thorn in the flesh that God allowed him to have.

“And He has said to me, My grace is sufficient for you; for My power is made perfect in weakness.”   (II Cor. 12:9)

If I don’t remain with God, then I will not be able to partake of His amazing and sufficient grace, or to experience His awesome power in my life. 

Being under the hand of my loving Father is where I need to remain, regardless of the circumstances in which I find myself…or in which I find those that I love.

Remain with God.

There is no better place to be.

The M&M’s

I was sitting at my desk the other morning when in rushed Aaron.

“Here, Mom!”             

And with that, he reached over to place a handful of M&M’s in a little pile on my desk.  Some stuck to his hand, so he wiggled his fingers to dislodge them as I winced…which of course he didn’t notice.

“Eat them!” he commanded as he stood there waiting for me to obey.

I never know where Aaron’s hands have been.  All I could see in that colorful pile was bacteria of all sorts.  And I’m supposed to put those in my mouth?!

This happens routinely in our home…Aaron sharing his food treasures with us.  And routinely I pray for God’s protection as I put a fake smile on my face and gingerly place the bacteria-laden morsel in my mouth. 

Aaron would not take no for an answer, so in went an M&M.  And Aaron laughed happily as he stood there rubbing those suspicious hands together, totally full of joy as he watched my reaction and then tromped out of the room, mission accomplished.

Thank you, Lord, for this strong immune system that you have given me.

Our day soon began with a visit to his Epileptologist, where Aaron always makes himself quite at home on the exam table and makes the doctor very nervous that he will fall off the table. 

Afterwards, we joined Aaron’s case manager at Carlos O’Kelly’s for his annual Person-Centered Support Plan meeting.  Aaron only loves chomping down on chips and salsa, enchiladas, and of course his “…side salad with NO croutons and TWO ranches!!”  All the talk of his support plan, likes and dislikes, behaviors, goals, and plans are of exactly zero interest to Aaron.  

As we left the restaurant, I asked Aaron if he needed to use the bathroom.  He said no.  So, we zipped into the Dollar Tree nearby for a few items…where Aaron did have a bathroom crisis…and I’ll leave it there.  

Sigh.

We got home in one piece but frayed and frustrated with the situation and with each other.  I wish I could tell you how to handle it all like I did, with grace and supreme patience and amazing kindness.

But I do know that lying is a sin.

Another sigh.

Later, I walked to my desk and saw that little pile of colorful M&M’s.  I sat down and ate a few.

And I remembered this verse:

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials.”  (James 1:2)  

Guess what that word “various” means?

Multi-colored.

In just the span of a few hours, Aaron shared himself in several varied ways…multi-colored, you could say.  Some fun…some pleasant…some stressful.

I don’t mean to suggest that living with Aaron is a trial, but sometimes it is.  Any parent/caregiver knows that the days can be long and full of many emotions.

I call it the highs and the lows.

That word “consider” means to make a mental judgment.  So I must, at some point, corral my thoughts and mentally choose to see the trials as having purpose in my life.  

And to choose joy, as this verse says and as I have written about even recently.

“Our Sovereign oversees the trial itself and oversees us IN the trial, so it strengthens and deepens our faith.”   (Daniel Doriani)

I stared down at that little stack of M&M’s after the challenges of this one day.  And I ate some of them…praying again.  

I partake of what Aaron gives to me, in all the colors involved.  

It’s up to me to choose how I respond, especially in my long-term endurance of daily life with Aaron.

Two days after our full day of ups and downs, Aaron and I stood in the home of a dear Meals on Wheels client.  Aaron began digging into his shorts pocket.  Soon he pulled out an M&M.  

ONE lone M&M.

“Here!” he excitedly said to Edna.  “I brought you this!”

And he laid the one little M&M on the table beside her chair.  Just one.

She laughed with delight and thanked him profusely while he grinned from ear to ear, rubbing those hands of his together in pure joy.

Then yesterday, while Gary sat beside my desk and we talked, he looked down at the floor.

“What’s that?” he asked as he pointed to the floor.

There, beside a chair, was one little green M&M.  It had probably fallen off Aaron’s sticky hand.

Evidence that Aaron had been there, leaving me with his heartfelt gift.

The evidence of Aaron’s place and impact in our lives is scattered here and there over every page all through these years.  

One little piece, placed here and put there.

Multi-colored.

Designed by God.  

Producing a beautiful picture of joy and grace if I but choose to see it in that light.  

The Bitter Root

Several years ago, I had an experience with a small weed in one of my front yard flower beds. 

 I had become so busy with my other gardening that I had put off the task of pulling that little weed.  It didn’t seem like such a big deal. The outward growth, though, hid what was happening under the ground, out of sight.

 Here is what I wrote:

One hot day as I worked among my flowers, I looked down and saw that this little weed had grown significantly. Still, it wasn’t huge but it sure was larger than I had noticed before. Silly me, I thought. Why have I been waiting to pull this once-little weed? I just need to get rid of it now, I reasoned. I reached down and gave the weed a pull, and nothing happened. I pulled a bit harder, and still the weed didn’t budge. I gripped harder on the small growth, gave a firmer yank, and still it sat firm in its place in the dirt. This small, harmless weed was certainly being stubborn! It wasn’t letting go of its foothold very easily at all! I was so deceived by the small growth that I could see that I was in turn shocked by its apparently deep growth in the soil. I once again got a firmer hold, jiggled the weed back and forth, pulled with all my might and finally out came the root. What a surprise! The root was very long – much longer in proportion to the rest of the plant. While I had procrastinated about getting rid of the little weed or argued with myself about how harmless the little weed was, this small weed was growing a deep root system that could have damaged or killed my pretty Coreopsis. There was no excuse for my neglect – a wise gardener knows better.

Sometimes I let attitudes fester in my heart…attitudes that are, quite frankly, sin.  It’s easy to say, “Well, now, you have every right to feel that way.  Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

And every time I give myself that little pep talk, I am letting that root grow deeper and deeper in my life until it’s not so little anymore.

I have been keenly aware of this fact as Gary and I care for Aaron.  Usually after a stressful period, often involving Aaron’s anger, we find ourselves talking together as we try to understand him and handle his issues in the right way.  So often, solutions are hard to come by.  The effects of living long-term with him spill over into every area of our lives.  We go back 17 years to the time we were making decisions about his future.  

Did we make the right choices?  We were headed in one direction and the doors closed.  Or did they?  

I am constantly reminding myself that all those years ago we were seeking God’s will and we were desiring to walk in that path of God’s choosing for us and for Aaron.  I must consciously trust God today with our past decisions…decisions that touch us in ways today that we never dreamed.

The impact of having Aaron with us now affects our “golden years” in so many unforeseen ways.  We know that future decisions will be upon us some day, but there is a bigger issue for me right now.

That issue is bitterness.  How easy it is to find ourselves saying, “If it wasn’t for Aaron, we could do this or that, go here or there, etc., etc., etc.”  

And soon my eyes are on the hindrances of life with Aaron rather than the joy of being in God’s will…of doing His work within the walls of our home…of loving Aaron and caring for him.

We are physical creatures.  We get tired.  We get discouraged.  

And sadly, we compare ourselves to others in those vulnerable moments when we’re scrolling through social media or having conversations.

Before I know it, the bitter root is taking deeper root in my heart.  And while I understand that my feelings are normal, I also know that I cannot let myself perch there.  

I must not settle for a life of bitterness.

These verses spoke to me so deeply this morning:

“O Lord, lead me in Your righteousness because of my foes; make Your way straight before me.”   (Psalm 5:8)

My foes…my enemies…are those attitudes within me that contradict what God says is right.  A big one is this issue of bitterness over the result of God’s past leading.  

We trusted Him then to put us on the right path, and so we can trust Him now to provide all we need to face the results of walking on that path.

I need God’s leading and His righteousness to overcome that bitter root that seeks to take hold.  Here is the result of trusting Him:

“Let all who take refuge in You be glad; let them ever sing for joy; and may You shelter them, that those who love Your name may exult in You.”  (Psalm 5:11)

Paul told the believers in Ephesus that through the power of the Holy Spirit, they could be rooted and grounded in love.  

Not rooted in bitterness but rooted in love…the love of Christ seen in their lives.

I must stop and check where I am allowing my roots to grow.  We all do, right?  We have so many hurts in life…so many stresses that pile up around us.  

O Lord, lead me in Your righteousness.  Do not allow me to lead myself into bitterness.  

I love this old hymn.  The lyrics speak well to each of us, wherever we are in our life of following Christ.

He leadeth me, O blessed thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me. 

Refrain:
He leadeth me, He leadeth me,
By His own hand He leadeth me;
His faithful foll’wer I would be,
For by His hand He leadeth me. 

Sometimes ’mid scenes of deepest gloom,
Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom,
By waters still, o’er troubled sea,
Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me. 

Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,
Nor ever murmur nor repine;
Content, whatever lot I see,
Since ’tis my God that leadeth me. 

And when my task on earth is done,
When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won,
E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee,
Since God through Jordan leadeth me. 

(Joseph H. Gilmore)

My Choice

Well, I can tell you right now that this blog subject won’t be what some people think it’s going to be.  I just realized how this title sounds as I typed it.  Hmmmm…

Anyway, let me pop some bubbles right at the beginning by sharing this sign that is hanging directly above my quiet time/study desk where I sit nearly every morning, coffee in hand and Bible open.

It reminds me that every day I have a choice to make.  Throughout my day I can choose how I will allow the events of the day to affect me. 

And no single person creates more events in my life than Aaron.

In one sole day you might very well find me laughing, crying, yelling, sighing, worrying, cringing, thanking, guessing….

That’s just the condensed version.

 Last week on our Wal-Mart shopping trip, Aaron took off at a fast trot to go check out the candy and nut aisle.  

“Don’t run!” was all I managed to remind him before he was out of earshot.  

I hurriedly completed my shopping.  I then took off at my own fast trot to see what was occurring on aisle 20.

I rounded the corner to this scene.

Add blushing to the list above.

There sat Aaron cross-legged on the floor as he searched the very bottom shelf for something.  Red Hots, I soon learned.  Beside him he had stashed jelly beans, peanuts, and cashews that he hoped I would buy for him.  Also beside him was a very kind associate named, very appropriately, Joy.  

Joy had found Aaron sitting on the floor.  Being concerned, she walked to Aaron and asked if he needed help.  Boy, was Aaron glad to see her!  Usually when he needs (or just thinks he needs) help, he barges toward an associate and pretty much yells, “HEY!!”  

I’m usually found nearby, or a few steps behind, hissing, “AARON!  Don’t say HEY!!  It’s rude!”

By this time, said associate is typically a mix of alarmed and annoyed which soon is replaced by amused. Maybe more amused by the look on my face rather than by Aaron’s?  Very likely.

Back to the candy aisle.  Joy soon found Red Hots up on the very top shelf, which gave Aaron much joy.

Me too.  Oh, my joy didn’t come from the Red Hots.  My joy came from Aaron being so unabashedly Aaron. Aaron’s going to do what Aaron’s going to do, no matter how many times I correct and redirect and follow him around hissing out instructions that he mostly ignores.  

I thought it was just the most perfect thing that this very sweet associate’s name is Joy.  I do believe that God was smiling.  

And again, I was too.  Others around us were very understanding as they waited or turned around.  Aaron has lots of lessons to teach everyone around him, like it or not.

I posted a little piece about this on Facebook and our neighbor across the street sent me this picture.

Here’s what she said:  “Seeing your Facebook post about Aaron sitting on the floor in Wal-Mart reminded me that I took this the other day.  He was excited to come tell me something.  He really does bring joy.  It’s always fun to hear what he’s going to say!”

Aren’t we very blessed?  Our neighbors all around us are great with Aaron.  

I thanked Gina for being so good to listen to Aaron.  I also reminded her that because of this, Aaron will just keep going over.  HaHa!

Well, we had lots of joy going on and it was really sweet.  I was reminded of this verse:

            “A joyful heart is good medicine…”.  (Proverbs 17:22)

And that’s a very good thing because I know my blood pressure was getting somewhat high on Aisle 20.    

It’s Aaron

After being out of town for several days, Gary and I returned on Monday afternoon.  Aaron was happy, happy to have us home.  But by Tuesday morning he was wishing that we were gone again, and our friends were back at the house watching him.  Re-entry to real life is often difficult for Aaron.  

And he is not the only one who finds it difficult!

Aaron was belligerent on Tuesday when faced with the reality of returning to his day group.  He was very verbal and confrontational.  It’s the side of Aaron that tests my mettle to the core.

It’s hard not to respond in kind to him.  Sometimes I do say more than I want to say, sadly.  As we drove to his day group, I really laid into him.  Not in a damaging or harmful way, but in a truthful way about how his words hurt us and why.  There are concepts that he needs to hear about how to love us even when he is angry.  How to recognize and acknowledge all we do for him instead of thinking only of himself. 

The night before, I had watched a video with him about a triangle UFO.  It’s the last thing I wanted to do.   He had called us repeatedly while we were gone, talking about this UFO video he wanted me to watch with him.

“MOM!!” he exclaimed, “it’s a triangle UFO video that’s 44:42.  Would you watch 44:42?”

Those are the minutes and seconds that he memorizes on each YouTube video that he watches, by the way.

He was ecstatic that I agreed to look it up and then to actually sit through 44:42.

So, on that next morning full of anger, he was full of remorse as I spoke truthfully to him.  As we neared his day group, he spoke softly.

“I’m glad you looked up the triangle UFO video.”

I was quiet.

“I’m glad you looked it up,” he repeated several more times before getting out of the van.

It was Aaron’s way of trying to say he was sorry.

A few hours apart worked wonders for both of us.  He was very happy when I picked him up and I was responsive once more.  I took him to the lab for some bloodwork, where he had to be poked in each arm and he flinched…something he rarely does.  My heart went out to him.  He deals with so much, even more internally in that brain of his than outwardly sometimes.

The technician gave him the plastic tourniquet to keep.  He was delighted.  I watched him walk around WalMart later, both arms with band aids and the tourniquet dangling from his fingers as if it was a prized possession.

I thought of how those small gestures…those items insignificant to us…bring him such joy. 

And it hit me that there are countless times that the seemingly insignificant, daily actions of Aaron bring us such joy…of how much I need to focus on those moments rather than the outbursts that bring hurt.

It’s Aaron at Walmart trying to hide from me because he has BOTH crescent rolls and biscuits in his hand that he wants me to buy.

It’s Aaron sitting on the floor of the store, totally oblivious to anyone around him as he checks out the peanuts on the bottom shelf.

It’s Aaron hardly able to wait until he could show me how much his sunflowers had grown while we were gone.

It’s Aaron helping clean under the kitchen table after supper.

It’s Aaron telling me he took his snacks to the snack drawer before bed.

It’s Aaron thrilled to pieces that I let him buy TWO boxes of Texas Toast.

It’s Aaron loving to do science experiments.

It’s Aaron super excited about his new volcano lamp.

It’s Aaron overjoyed because he won this light-up bouncy ball in Bingo, which he took today to show all our Meals on Wheels clients.  

It’s Aaron sitting alone in the mulch, breaking pieces into a container the same way he has done since he was a little boy.  There goes my heart.

It’s Aaron’s unique sense of style, unaffected by current trends or other’s opinions.

It’s Aaron’s unique impact on my life that I want to treasure and relish each day, even despite the hard times.