Category: Trust

God’s Unseen Footprints

Our family has recently been going through some very wonderful times mixed with a big dose of some very scary and stressful times.  

We welcomed our new little granddaughter, Coralynn Grace, into our hearts and arms on April 16.  

But Andrea, who has some autoimmune health issues, had several complications that resulted in a C-section and a huge loss of blood.  Three days after she came home from the hospital, she had to be re-admitted for emergency surgery.  They discovered massive internal bleeding and a large hematoma.  Between the two surgeries, Andrea lost most of her blood volume.  When she was finally dismissed from the hospital, her surgeon said that no one knew how Andrea was still alive because usually that volume of blood loss causes cardiac arrest.  

There are many other issues going on in our lives and theirs currently that have increased the pressure we’re all under by a LOT.  

We’re very thankful for our sweet little baby girl and for God sparing her mama’s life while at the same time feeling like we’re all barely treading water.

During the beginning days of all this crazy time, I opened my Bible one morning and read a favorite Psalm of mine…Psalm 77.  This Psalm begins with words that described our feelings as this journey of ours began, words of worry and sleepless nights…of being so troubled that words would not come…of sighing, distress, and despair.

But then the Psalmist began to remember the past…of God’s wonders as He led Israel out of Egypt…of God showing His great strength…of the holy ways of God.

But those ways of God led Israel to the sea. “Your way was in the sea and your paths in the mighty waters,” the Psalmist said.  

And then this, the truth that I have loved for years in these verses:  “And Your footprints could not be seen.”  

God led His people not only TO the water, but He led them INTO the water.  And there His tracks, His footprints, seemed to end.  They could not be seen in the water.  

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And in our lives, this is where faith comes in.  My trust is not in the footprints that I can see. 

My trust is in the God Who is leading me where I can’t see His tracks.  

Sometimes we can’t see His footprints…..

In the cancer.

In the surgeries.

In the dementia.

In the terminal diagnosis.

In the job loss.

In the broken car.

In the wayward child.

In the broken marriage.

In death.

But God is there!  

Right after the Psalmist talked about God’s unseen footprints, he said, “You led Your people like a flock.”  

God loves His sheep, and He is leading us.  He hasn’t forsaken us, and He never will.  

Every unseen step through the deep waters we face is His leading us for our good now and for His glory as we point to Him and follow Him in trust.

I may not always feel the trust in the middle of great stress, but I keep following Him and speaking words of trust anyway.  

“Your way, O God, is holy; what God is great like our God?  You are the God Who works wonders; You have made known Your strength among the peoples.”   (Psalm 77:13-14)

Keep following! 

Keep trusting!

And someday you’ll look back and see God’s footprints all over your life.

Footprints

Not quite two weeks ago we had what might be our last snowstorm of the season.  One never knows here on the plains if that’s the case.  This storm came along with bitter temperatures and biting wind as well as the snow.

I reluctantly got out of bed on the second morning after the storm.  Lots of schools and other activities were closed, as well as Aaron’s day group, so it felt good to sleep in a little.  Still, it was hard to leave the warm bed for the colder house.  

As I so often do, I eventually went to one of our back windows to look outside at the view.  And was I ever surprised!  Something…or some things…had been very busy in our back yard during the night!  

I smiled at the sight of all those footprints.  What could have been walking in our yard while we slept?  There sure was plenty of evidence of lots of activity!

I have seen some other activity in my life recently.  God has been doing His work both in my heart and in the lives of others as He has answered some specific prayers.  

We all go through periods where our lives are like a dark night.  We have cold winds of worry or disappointment swirling all around us.  Fear knocks at our windows.  We can’t seem to see the way out or know the way to go.  

But for those who are walking with God, who are obeying Him and following Him, you are never alone.

You may not immediately see the image of his footprints in your life, but they are there.  As time goes on you will begin to see His presence in your life even when all seemed dark and cold and hopeless.  

God has promised to never abandon His children.  He is walking all through our lives, leaving His prints and His mark.  What He told Israel is still true for us today.

“The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you.  Do not fear or be dismayed.”  (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Just like I saw the evidence of all the unseen activity in our yard, so we can see the evidence of God’s footsteps in our lives.  

He has promised us His peace, not as the world gives, but the peace that passes understanding given by God Himself.

God has told us that the joy of the Lord will be our strength.

He has said that everything in the lives of His children works for our good.

God has promised to keep us safe, to bear our burdens, to make us glad, to make us new, to keep us near, and so many other precious promises.

Sometimes we walk through some very hard times, but God is right there going before us and beside us.  

We can trust His plan and His presence.  

His footprints are all over the place!  We can count on Him for that!

This old hymn says it perfectly.

Footsteps of Jesus

Sweetly, Lord, have we heard Thee calling,
Come, follow Me!
And we see where Thy footprints falling
Lead us to Thee.

  • Refrain:
    Footprints of Jesus,
    That make the pathway glow;
    We will follow the steps of Jesus
    Where’er they go.

Though they lead o’er the cold, dark mountains,
Seeking His sheep;
Or along by Siloam’s fountains,
Helping the weak.

If they lead through the temple holy,
Preaching the Word;
Or in homes of the poor and lowly,
Serving the Lord.

Though, dear Lord, in Thy pathway keeping,
We follow Thee;
Through the gloom of that place of weeping,
Gethsemane!

If Thy way and its sorrows bearing,
We go again,
Up the slope of the hillside, bearing
Our cross of pain.

By and by, through the shining portals,
Turning our feet,
We shall walk, with the glad immortals,
Heav’n’s golden street.

Then, at last, when on high He sees us,
Our journey done,
We will rest where the steps of Jesus
End at His throne.

My Adornment

It was Christmas Eve morning, and I was preparing for a day full of cooking and family fun.  The day before, I had pulled off my plan for an “Aaron day” without a hitch.  I wanted him to have time doing what he loves before all the commotion of Christmas wreaked havoc with his routine and therefore with his behaviors.  Our son and his girlfriend, just in for the holiday, joined us at All Star Sports for some Aaron-style fun.  Afterwards, we ate at Old Chicago, a favorite of Aaron’s.  It was a great time!

But early the next morning I heard Aaron having a big seizure.  This was a bed wetting one.  So mixed in with my cooking and all the other Christmas prep, I found myself hauling loads of bedding to the laundry room.  My main emotion was sadness for Aaron that day as he had two more big seizures over the next several hours.  

Yet these moments also drive home to me the fact that caregiving is my life.  It’s a life I never envisioned for myself when I contemplated marriage and motherhood as a young starry-eyed woman.

Every mother lives a life of self-sacrifice in many ways but having a child with special needs of whatever kind increases that role in ways she never knew.  Any caregiving role is the same.

That is why I was so impacted by some verses I read one morning.  Paul was talking to Titus about practical ways that we as believers are to live out the gospel.  In chapter two of Titus, Paul gave instructions to older men and women as well as to the younger men.  

He ended that section by urging slaves to conduct their lives in a way that they would “…adorn the doctrine of God.”

In that culture, slaves were nothing.  They were the lowest of the low.  Yet Paul told Titus to encourage them to adorn the doctrine of God, the gospel.

This is a high calling for such a lowly people!

The word “adorn” carries the meaning of arranging jewels in a setting that displays their beauty.  

I love what John Stott said about these verses:  “…the gospel is a jewel, while a consistent Christian life is like the setting in which the gospel-jewel is displayed; it can add lustre to it.”  

Our human tendency is to equate importance with the “big things.”  Red carpets, book signings, conference speakers, a record contract.  

Not with wet bedding, doctor visits, behavior issues.  

Not with dementia, hospice, hospitals, infusions, cancer…

But the gospel shines brightest in the darkest places.  This is where God is especially honored and given great glory.

How?  By our faith being seen in our service to the ones we are caring for.  By yielding to God’s plan for our lives with trust and peace, even through tears or anger or resentment that inevitably comes at those vulnerable moments.  

It’s a matter of my heart, not my surroundings.  

“Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO YOUR WORK HEARTILY, AS FOR THE LORD RATHER THAN MEN.”   (Colossians 3:22-23)

Where do you find yourself today?  

Remember that the seemingly lowest place is the place of high calling in your life as a believer.  

Even if we feel like no one notices our service, God still urges us to shine with the beauty of the gospel.  God notices and that is all that really matters. 

 

Am I Ready?

It was November 7, 1984.  Gary and I lived in Colorado Springs.  I was one week into my 9th month of pregnancy with our first child.  Gary had just returned home from flying his Army Cobra helicopter.  I headed up our stairs when a pain hit me.  Gary saw me from our bedroom as he was changing out of his flight suit.

“Now?” he asked with surprise.  

I soon knew that, yes, the time was now.  We hurried to Fort Carson and just a few short hours later we welcomed Aaron into the world…into our world.  

I had been busy making all his nursery items.  The yellow and white gingham curtains, bumper pad, and changing table cover were waiting on Aaron.  But there were still things to do, like putting the crib together and finalizing all the other details of his cute yellow duck nursery.  We just weren’t all the way ready for Aaron to join us three weeks early!

In so many other ways over the 40 years of our life with Aaron, I have found myself still not ready.  Not ready for this journey of Epilepsy, Autism, and having our adult son still living with us.  Not ready for the hundreds of ways that our life is not at all what we thought it would be as we held our little 6 lb. 4 oz. squirming bundle in that old military hospital on Fort Carson.

In so many ways, Gary and I are set apart from our peers even at this stage of our lives.  We are not free to come and go as we might wish.  Aaron is entwined in every decision we make.  And when I meet someone new and we are getting acquainted, the usual response when I tell them that we still have our adult special needs son living with us is, “Oh.”  Most people don’t know what to do with that scenario and so they quickly move on to other topics. 

Aaron can be so funny.  He is just who he is, too, especially in public.  But even that can be a bit embarrassing to us as he does his Aaron things, oblivious to what others are thinking.  Like sitting in the grocery aisle to examine his latest food find.

Or sitting on the floor in every waiting room now so that he can work on his sticker book, even rearranging a chair or table if needed.

I have thought a lot about Mary especially now as we retell the Christmas story at this time of year.  When Gabriel told her that she would become pregnant and give birth to Jesus, God’s Son, she humbly said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”  

She must have experienced so much embarrassment as her condition became known.  Did anyone other than Joseph really believe her story?  The gossip, the looks, the questions…how she must have been set apart from everyone in that small town.  

Mary gave birth far from home, surrounded by animals in a dirty stable.  Not even her mother was there to help her.  I doubt that the scene was like the ideal pictures we see on our Christmas cards. 

Then the move to Egypt to escape Herod and coming back to their hometown of Nazareth a few years later where everyone knew Mary’s story of her past.  

Was Mary ready to be the mother of Jesus?  Ready for the turmoil that surrounded Jesus? Ready for the fear as she watched Him being hated and persecuted?  Ready for the extreme heartbreak as she watched him tortured and put to death?  

I doubt that she was.  But she had already made the most impactful decision of her life when she yielded to God’s will for her life.  

That same yielding to God is what brings me the deepest peace as well, even in the fear of Aaron’s seizures.

Peace, eventually, during the frustrations of his behaviors.

I know, and so can you, that “…the God of peace…even Jesus our Lord, will equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever.  Amen.”   (Hebrews 13:20-21)

We don’t know what it is that will please God in our lives.  

But we can be ready if we know and follow Him, trusting our loving God as we, like Mary, say, “May it be to me according to Your word.”

The best gift we can give Jesus is our heart and our will.

May each of you have a very blessed Christmas season as we celebrate the birth of such a Savior!  

The Form of Our Fears

I remember as a child how my mother would ask me to run down to the basement to get something for her.  Maybe it was food she needed out of the freezer or a jar of beans she had canned.  I dreaded those basement trips because of the fear that would often grip me.  There were too many hiding places down there and my imagination would go wild.  I especially disliked going back up the stairs as I imagined someone following me from behind or a hand reaching out and grabbing my ankle.  I ran up those stairs as fast as I could, breathing in huge relief as I entered the door to our kitchen where I found warmth and safety.  

The early nation of Israel faced a great fear as they fought their enemies in the land God had promised them.  The last group that is mentioned in Joshua 11 are the Anakim. These were the giants who had terrorized the spies 40 years earlier.  Ten of the twelve spies had said nope to the idea of entering the land, saying that those horrible giants made them look like grasshoppers.  

Now all those years later, here was Israel facing their giants again.  Joshua 11:21-22 succinctly states that in the last battle for the land, the Anakim were cut off and there were no Anakim left.  God gave Israel the final victory over this enemy that they greatly feared.  God would have won that battle forty years earlier, but Israel chose to live in fear and unbelief instead.

We all have those giants in our lives…things or situations that we fear.  The state of our nation and the world today can easily cause us to fear for our future.  But usually, our fears are much more personal.  Reality can barrel into our happy lives and knock us off our feet with no warning.  

As a follower of Christ, though, we have Him behind us.  We don’t need to run up the stairs in fear.  

I love what Dale Davis said in his commentary on the book of Joshua.

“God’s power is adequate to meet our most dreadful fears.  Our situation is both different from and similar to Israel’s.  The form of our fears is different; the adequacy of our God is the same.”

Scripture tells us that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  We serve the same God of endless power today that Israel knew way back in the day.  

Same God.  Same power.  Same love and plan for each of our lives.

God is more than able to defeat your giants, no matter how scary they are.  

I don’t want to keep running up the stairs in fear of what might attack me.  With God by my side, I can take each step calmly and in full faith that He is with me to fight for me.  

This old hymn expresses it well:

Leaning on the Everlasting Arms

What have I to dread,
What have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
I have blessed peace
With my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.


Leaning, leaning,
Safe and secure from all alarms;
Leaning, leaning,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Lean On Me, Aaron

Yesterday Aaron and I went to his annual PCSP meeting.  How many years have we had these meetings?  More than I can nearly remember.  

His case manager and I decided several years ago to hold our meeting at one of Aaron’s favorite restaurants, Carlos O’Kelly’s.  Aaron really doesn’t like meetings that discuss him unless we’re letting him do all the talking about really important stuff.  You know – matters like whether Pluto is a planet or not, what solar flares are, and are black holes really sucking in stars?!  But mulling over matters of his likes and dislikes, what he is or is not allowed to do at his day group, what his goals are, and so on and so forth…well, Aaron would rather leave the room and find someone who IS wanting to hear him talk about planets, flares, and black holes.  But put a plate of enchiladas, chips and salsa in front of him and he’ll endure our needless talk.

Aaron had gotten out of bed super early the past two mornings.  Space videos on YouTube were calling to him, I guess.  As we sat in our booth munching on chips and salsa, he started leaning and leaning until finally he was resting against me like a little child.  

I eased him over and he sat straight for a couple minutes, but then he began leaning into me again.  I knew that he was sleepy from his very early mornings and from his meds, but still I kept propping him up so he could eat and participate in the meeting if needed.

Later, as I drove us home, I looked over at him sleeping soundly in his seat.

  

He is sometimes showing that age is creeping up on him.  He even seems a little feeble at times, like he did as he leaned on me during lunch.  I know that seizures are taking a toll.  He has memory loss, tremors, drooling sometimes, and other effects of both seizures and medicines.  

My heart is stirred with so much love for him.  So much concern for his life now, and for what the future will hold for him.

Yet there are those other moments, too…more and more, it seems.  Moments when Aaron is frustrated when things are not going his way at his time.  He is becoming more impatient with waiting, more set in his routine, and more expressive when those frustrations mount.

Therefore, Gary and I are finding ourselves more stretched on some days.  Our own frustrations mount along with Aaron’s.  Stress seeps through every crack in our strong armor.

I look at Aaron leaning on me, and I know that he needs me when he is struggling, both physically and emotionally.  His reactions are often beyond his control.  Sometimes that fact is hard to remember.

So, who do I lean upon?  

God.

Yes, Gary and I support each other.  I have amazing friends who walk a similar journey to ours.  I have great family on both sides.

But it is God Who leans down to me as He did the other night and fills me with deep peace even as the storm swirls around me…Who understands my struggles…Who speaks comfort to me…Who assures me with these words:

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate (feed on) faithfulness.”   (Psalm 37:3)

I can feed on so many things like anger, comparisons to others, resentment…the list goes on.  

Or I can obey God and lean into Him.  He understands my need.  And I must understand my need to trust Him and do good.

To feed on faithfulness even when I just want to walk away.

Faithfulness to God, and faithfulness to our Aaron.

Knowing that this is also true:

“Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him and He will do it.”  (Psalm 37:5)

Commit.  Lay on God’s shoulders the heavy burden.  

He is strong enough for all my burdens and He is there for me to lean upon when I am tired and done.

And oh, I cannot express enough about the grace that God gives me to continue putting one foot in front of the other, day after day with Aaron.

It’s not one bit about how strong I am or that God gave Aaron to such an amazing parent.

But it IS all about how God meets me in my most down moments with His sweet peace and His words that speak such joy and comfort to me.

And as I learn to lean on God, I can be there for Aaron when he needs to lean on me. 

God holds me up so that I can do the same for Aaron.  

That’s even more amazing than all the black holes in the universe!

My Cross As A Crutch

Yesterday evening I was feeling particularly burdened over several things.  I felt the weight of the loads of life more than usual.

Harsh angry words from Aaron earlier in the day still reverberated in my mind.  Even worse were my own angry words thrown out to him in response.  

Then heavy on my heart was my conversation with the husband of my dear friend of many years.  Her disease is ravaging her mind, and my mind can’t wrap around the reality of that.  Emotions that I have kept in check spilled from my eyes.

I took my old Streams in the Desert devotional book and sat on the patio, soaking in the fresh air and the beginning of dusk.  I turned to the day’s date and saw this verse:  “Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.”  (Mark 8:34)

I began to read the words of Alexander Smellie, a Scottish preacher who died 100 years ago.  

“The cross which my Lord bids me take up and carry may assume different shapes.  There are many crosses, and every one of them is sore and heavy.  But never is Jesus so near me as when I lift my cross, and lay it submissively on my shoulder, and give it the welcome of a patient and unmurmuring spirit.  He draws close, to ripen my wisdom, to deepen my peace, to increase my courage, to augment my power to be of use to others, through the very experience which is so grievous and distressing, and then…I grow under the load.”

Then the author added this:

“Use your cross as a crutch to help you on, and not as a stumbling block to cast you down.”

I know there are several meanings that carrying our cross conveys, yet all of them indicate a difficult load in life.  Every person I know is carrying a burden today, some more than others.

But Jesus also promised that if we come to Him with our burdens, He will give us rest:  “For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”  (Matthew 11:30)

The word “easy” means “tailor made.”  God knows exactly what is best for me, for my dear friends, for you.  He is not cruel.  Read again what the old Scottish preacher said.  

God is near in our burdens, giving us wisdom and filling us with purpose and peace we can learn no other way.

Oh, may I…may you…use our crosses as a crutch to help us walk through this life in a way that honors our Heavenly Father and grows us more like Him.

My Home Is God

Gary and I spent six years in Germany thanks to the U.S. Army.  Our youngest son was born there.  It was a wonderful time for us in many ways in that beautiful country.  But I will admit that when we came home to the States on visits, and then finally to stay, we felt a huge sense of relief.  We had a home in Germany but back in America we were HOME.  We knew the language, we understood the culture, and our family was near.

I’ve been reading in the book of Hosea about how Israel kept rejecting God’s best for them.  They kept looking to the nations around them as examples they should follow.  Therefore, they participated in gross false worship and many other sins against God.

In Hosea 8:9, God said they had gone up to Assyria like a wild donkey wandering alone.  Like the donkeys, Israel was restless in her sad and useless search for a god to worship and for a life of meaning. They kept rejecting the answer that was there for them all along…God Himself.

Don’t we see this attitude all around us today?  So many are searching for meaning in life but not wanting to turn to the only One Who can give them purpose and meaning.  

We all know how sad our world is today.  So many are devoid of hope and peace so they turn to whatever their Assyria is.  Abortion.  Drugs.  Sexual perversions.  Gender dysfunction.  

Or maybe our wandering hearts turn to more benign diversions, ones that seem ok.  A good job.  Money.  Getting ahead.  Sports.  Entertainment.

But still, deep in our hearts, we are unsettled.  We know there is more.  And after this life…what then?

God has put this desire for peace in our hearts for a reason.  That reason is so we will search for Him.  

“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”   (Jeremiah 29:13)

God loves us.  God loves YOU.  

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.”  (John 3:16)

Believe in Him and accept His gift of salvation through Christ alone.

            My Home is God Himself; Christ brought me there.

            I laid me down within His mighty arms;

            He bore me where no foot but His has trod,

            Within the holiest at home with God,

            And bade me dwell in Him, rejoicing there.

            O Holy Place!  O Home divinely fair!

            And we, God’s little ones, abiding there.

            My Home is God Himself; it was not so!

            A long, long road I traveled night and day,

            And sought to find within myself some way,

            Aught I could do, or feel to bring me near;

            And then I found Christ was the only way,

            That I must come to Him and in Him stay,

            And God had told me so.

            And now my Home is God, and sheltered there,

            God meets the trials of my earthly life,

            God compasses me round from storm and strife,

            God takes the burdens of my daily care.

            O Wondrous Place!  O Home divinely fair!

            And I, God’s little one, safe hidden there.

            Lord, as I dwell in Thee and Thou in me,

            So make me dead to everything but Thee;

            That as I rest within my Home so fair;

            My soul may evermore and only see

            My God in everything and everywhere;

            My Home is God.    (Author unknown)

God is waiting for you.

Come home today.  

Stepping Into the Mist

Several years ago, I turned onto a road near our house, and this was the scene that met my eyes.

I couldn’t see very far ahead.  And even though I knew the road, I didn’t know what might be on the road out of my sight.  The fog hid what was there, beyond my vision, but I knew I needed to go forward.

If you know Jesus as your Savior and are following Him, you know that there are certain times that He puts you on a road that is shrouded in the unknown.  I see it around me all the time, either with family and friends, or those that I don’t personally know.  And I have experienced it in my own life.

I will never forget the day that Aaron had his sudden first big seizure.  We were living in Germany where Gary was stationed in the military.  Aaron’s seizure was completely unexpected and terrifying.  I remember the cold fear that squeezed my heart.  Then came the ambulance ride, the days in the German children’s hospital, the language barrier, the exhaustion, and the shocking diagnosis of Epilepsy.  

But I also remember our first night back home, when I could finally sit at my desk and cry the tears I had held back all week.  And there it was…God’s amazing peace filled my hurting heart.  He reminded me that He had not gone anywhere…that He was with me and with Aaron…and that He was the same God whose character I had known for many years.  He had not changed one bit.  He had a reason for this unexpected bend in the road…this fog that I could not see through still held Him there with me.  

I could freeze in fear or be angry with God or be bitter about why He allowed such a thing to happen to our little Aaron.

Or I could step out in faith and trust in my heavenly Father.

I love what F. B. Meyer said: “There is nothing, indeed, which God will not do for a man who dares to step out upon what seems to be the mist; though as he puts down his foot he finds a rock beneath him.”

Moses knew this about God when he spoke to the assembly of Israel:

“For I proclaim the name of the Lord; ascribe greatness to our God!

The ROCK!  His work is perfect, for all His ways are just.

A God of faithfulness and without injustice, righteous and upright is He.

(Deuteronomy 32:3-4)

Whatever you are going through today, know that if you are following God, He will be your firm rock in the mists of fear and uncertainty.  

You will find a rock beneath your feet and that rock is God Himself.

And some day you will see that same road clearly, in all its purposes, as the best plan that God could ever have for you.

But We Need the Rain

It sure has been stormy over a large part of the country this spring.  We have had our share of strong storms here in Kansas as well.  After several years of drought, the comment I hear over and over after another storm…and have many times said myself…is, “But we need the rain!” 

Storms certainly can be beneficial, and beautiful, too.  

But they can be hard as well, and scary.

I woke up this morning to another storm passing through.  But I also had the thought of life’s storms on my mind.  That’s because Aaron had five hard seizures during the night.  I finally had to give him a rescue med.  These times with Aaron leave me in an emotional frame of mind, vulnerable in my spirit.  It’s important that I corral my thoughts and there is no better way to do that than to spend time with the Lord.

I opened my old devotional book, Streams in the Desert, to today’s date.  The scripture today was from Mark 4.  It’s the story of Jesus getting in the boat with His disciples on the Sea of Galilee.  The first sentence on the page was this:

“Even when we go forth at Christ’s command, we need not expect to escape storms…”

The storm outside my window matched the storm in my heart, and so God had a special storm story for me.  I love His love for me!  I love how He gives to me exactly what I need, exactly when I need it.

Jesus knew that His disciples would encounter a strong storm out on the lake. After all, He created the storm!  The disciples, terrified, cried out to Jesus as the storm tossed the boat.  Jesus, asleep, was awakened by their frantic voices asking Him if He didn’t even care that they were perishing.

Jesus calmed the storm and then gently rebuked them.

“Why are you afraid?” he asked them.  “Do you still have no faith?”

Jesus put His followers in a place of testing.  In their storm, He showed His power and in so doing, He used it to increase their faith.  

I have learned, especially in our life with Aaron, that God has put me in a boat and said, “Let’s go over to the other side.”  

But getting there involves hard times.  I don’t like the storms, but how they increase my faith and my love for Him!

Just like realizing how much we need the rain that our storms have brought, so I realize that the sufferings of my life bring me what God knows I need.

And this lesson is huge:  God hasn’t commanded me to understand.  He HAS commanded me to trust.  

If I had all the answers as to the why’s of suffering, I would have no need to trust.  In learning to trust, my walk with God is sweeter and deeper than I would ever have known otherwise.

“We never know how much real faith we have until it is put to the test in some fierce storm; and that is the reason why the Savior is on board.”   (Streams in the Desert)

God in His kindness ended this day with a gorgeous sky, a perfect picture of the beauty of knowing and trusting Him.