Birthday – He Said What?!

My Occupied Heart

On a shelf in our family room is this picture taken in 1983 at Gary’s Flight School Graduation Banquet. We were at Fort Rucker, Alabama, where Gary completed the Army’s helicopter training.

Because of my dress, Aaron thinks this picture is from our wedding day. He loves showing people this picture when they are at our house.

“This is my Mom and Dad getting married,” he begins.

“No, Aaron, this was not our wedding…” I try to interject.

“See?” Aaron interjects above my interjection.

“Mom was skinny,” he says too loudly.

The ensuing laughter only encourages him.

“She had long hair,” he continues.

My death stare matters nothing to him.

“And she was young,” he finishes with a flourish.

At this point Aaron is bent over, rubbing his hands together furiously…which indicates great excitement…and laughing as he relishes everyone’s reactions, especially mine.

It’s obvious that all these supposedly desirable traits are in the PAST tense, right?

You know, I have never let my age bother me much. I am thankful to be healthy and able bodied. I don’t have cataracts or glaucoma, and so far, I do have my original knees and hips…and most of my original teeth in one form or another.

But if I focus on what Aaron says about my former self, well, it can be downright depressing if I’m not careful.

Tomorrow I will celebrate another year of life. And for some reason, this birthday has made me blink a few times.

Like…wait, what?! I’m HOW old?

I’m not ashamed of my age, so I’ll just come out with it.

I am…ahem…about to turn 69 years old.

You know what that means about next year.

GULP!!!

Gary and I got a late start at marriage, an even later start at having children, and a very late start to have a grandchild. That last one was out of our hands. Somehow, it’s all made me feel like I’m not as…ahem…old as I really and truly am.

Yeah, I cover some of it with hair color but then there are the moments when I stand up and feel my hip give a twinge it didn’t used to give…that original hip.

Times I back into a chair and realize that’s exactly how my Grandma did it.

There’s the periodic catch in my back that makes me realize why some people walk bent over the shopping cart handle.

Why do I seem to need a little power nap more days than not?

And I am not even going to discuss the wrinkled neck!!

I’ve been studying through the book of Ecclesiastes, and I had to laugh at the verse I read just two days ago. At the end of chapter 5, Solomon talks about how God desires that mankind enjoy God’s gifts, whether the person is poor or wealthy. It’s foolish to moan over being poor or to hoard your wealth.

Then comes this jewel in verse 20:

“For he will not often consider the years of his life, because God keeps him occupied with the gladness of his heart.”

God gave me my birthday verse!!

There is NO reason for me to be consumed with the wear and tear of my body parts, to worry about my not-as-sharp mind, and all the rest of it.

I am instead to live with a heart that is occupied with the joy promised to me by the giver of real joy…God Himself!

“You have put gladness in my heart, more than when their grain and new wine abound. In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You alone, O Lord, make me to dwell in safety.” (Psalm 4:7-8)

What will occupy my heart in year 69?

The choice is mine.

The ability is God’s.

Thanks for Praying!

I knew that some of you who were praying about Aaron’s MRI last Friday might wonder if he was able to have it done. Days are so busy and get away from me, but I wanted to give a quick update.

He had no seizures the night before the appointment, so he was able to go and complete the test. All went well and I’m not expecting to get results until his next doctor visit.

Thank you so much for praying!

He even went to his day group after the MRI. He had said he wanted to just come home so going to Paradigm made me happy. It made him happy, too, to be with his friends. Victoria had saved him a cupcake, which pleased him greatly.

And that reminds me that I wanted to share this sweet picture that our friend Barb sent me of Aaron and Victoria. Aaron was tying her shoe. Isn’t that the sweetest?!

On Saturday, Aaron and I joined our good friends for a birthday lunch. Rosa and Aaron used to be in Paradigm together and became special friends. Every year Louise and I get together for Rosa’s birthday in the spring, and Aaron’s birthday in the fall. We didn’t get to do it last year due to COVID. They hadn’t seen each other since November of 2019! It was so much fun to see them enjoying time together again!

And with Mother’s Day coming up, I’ll share a picture of Rosa and her mom, Louise.

And me with Aaron.

In case I’m not able to post again before Sunday, let me wish each of you dear moms a very wonderful and sweet Mother’s Day!

God bless each of you dear readers!

Our Man Kid

A couple weeks ago I was talking to our daughter on the phone. Almost always, when she and I are on the phone, Aaron will come bounding up to me and without lowering his voice he will ask if that’s Andrea. I shake my head yes and so the hovering begins as he waits for HIS turn to talk to Andrea. I finally let him have his time, knowing that if I don’t he will most likely linger close by until I do.

“ANDREA!!” he begins. “Guess what game I’m playing now?!”

And he’s off, talking about everything under the sun that has to do with his world. He never asks about her life or how she’s doing. Never. But she understands that about her brother. She laughs with him and talks to him about all his games and movies and answers his unusual questions about unusual things as seriously as if she’s talking to a lab manager about the proper way to conduct a molecular test.

A couple weeks ago, she and I were talking about how Aaron is and how he must appear to others. His conversations, his approach to life, his characteristics that others observe when they first see Aaron or if they know Aaron well…everything that makes Aaron who Aaron is. Andrea said that he really is just a kid in a man’s body.

Then later that same evening, Aaron and I were talking to a neighbor and her young son out on our driveway. This little boy just looked up at Aaron as Aaron went on and on about whatever. Aaron was talking rather loudly, as usual, and all the time he talked he kept working his fingers together the way that he does.

Finally, our young friend was able to get a word in…a question, actually.

“Are you a man kid?” he asked Aaron.

That question went completely over Aaron’s head as he just barreled on with his topic of interest at that moment.

But it stopped me in my tracks.

“What a perfect way to describe him!” I quietly told his mother.

And how interesting that Andrea and I had said that same thing, yet not as precisely, just that afternoon.

A man kid.

There stands Aaron, looking every bit like a man…and he is. He has a man’s voice, a man’s physique, a man’s facial hair, and even a man’s balding head. 😊

But he acts so much like a kid! And to other kids I know it’s a process to try to figure Aaron out. We’re so used to him that we don’t often mentally step back and think of how it must be for children to understand Aaron.

Tomorrow is Aaron’s birthday. Our son, who is a man, turns 36 tomorrow!

Our son, who is a kid, is exuberantly excited about his birthday. He always is, every single year.

If you ask him how old he will be, he pauses as he tries to remember his new age. That number of “36” means nothing to him.

But oh, his birthday means everything to him. Just ask our neighbors, some from around our circle that we don’t really know. If Aaron is outside and he sees someone walking by, he briskly heads to the street.

“HEY!!” he yelled the other day to a couple of ladies. “It’s almost my birthday!!”

They laughed and congratulated him as they went on their way.

And our man kid stood there rubbing his hands together in delight, with his deep chuckle bubbling up, his sweater flapping in the breeze, and joy all over his face.

Remembering that Aaron is a man kid helps us enjoy him.

But more importantly, it helps us understand him…and understanding Aaron is crucial in how we live with him and deal with him.

Happy Birthday, Aaron!!

We love you, man kid!!

Hey, It’s My Birthday!!

We just finished celebrating Aaron’s 35^th birthday. We had three days of birthday events, full of fun and loaded with Aaron’s exuberance. There aren’t many 35 year old’s who would embrace their birthday with as much joy and pure excitement as Aaron did. His birthday is one of those times that we fully see how unencumbered Aaron is with adult responsibilities and burdens. 35 doesn’t seem old or worrisome to him at all. He’s all about HIS day and all the fun it holds! He’s very much like a kid, and everyone around him smiles at his delight.

Aaron begins planning his birthday months before the actual date. I’m not exaggerating. He talks and talks about his plans. Can we go here? Can we do that? And often, he doesn’t ask us before he starts inviting people to come to our house or to eat out. It’s easy to be exhausted long before the birthday celebration even occurs as we try to keep up with him and his grand plans.

His birthday was this past Friday. On Thursday, he stayed home from his day group. He helped me make lots of cupcakes for his day group to share the next day.

We also made lasagna for some of his friends to have on Thursday night. We loaded up the van with lasagna, garlic bread, cupcakes and drinks before driving across town to the residential home of some of his day group friends. All girls, by the way! 😊

On Friday, Aaron carried his cupcakes into his day group…chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing and sprinkles, per Aaron’s wishes. At the end of his day, Barb…dear friend, second mom, and Paradigm manager…brought Aaron to meet Gary and me at Texas Roadhouse for his birthday “eating out” supper – Aaron’s choice once again, of course!

Oh my goodness, his excitement was almost palpable! He could hardly stop laughing and talking, and rubbing his hands together, in complete happiness.

“It’s my birthday today!!” he immediately told our server. “Can you sing to me?!”

Our sweet server laughed as well and said of course. She mentioned the saddle, which we had to explain to Aaron, and which he agreed to our surprise to do…but later he backed out on that saddle business. He wanted the largest sirloin, but we insisted on the next size down. He barely quit talking and eating. He was large and loud and very, very happy!

His gift bags from Barb, and from Casady – Barb’s daughter and another very good friend – were perfect for Aaron because they know him so well. And they love him, which he fully knows.

At home later, he opened more gifts and he talked to family…and he loved the shark cuddle blanket from Andrea and Kyle!

Then on Sunday evening, we met his special friend Rosa for their traditional birthday dinner at Chili’s. Again, Aaron announced his birthday to our server and asked if they would sing to him and bring him ice cream with chocolate syrup. Look at Aaron’s happy face when after dinner several of the staff sang and clapped and made Aaron’s final birthday celebration complete.

Rosa ran to their car as we left, bringing out her doll head that she loves so much, while Louise and I laughed and laughed. We love Aaron and Rosa’s friendship!

My heart was warmed later when Louise told me about how she and Rosa were looking at calendars to buy for Aaron. Aaron loves animal calendars, so Rosa eyed each of the three that Louise showed her. Rosa instantly chose the buddy calendar that shows dog and cat buddies for each month. Isn’t that so sweet?

I’m very thankful for each of Aaron’s friends and family that love him. Every text, Facebook message, phone call, and gift to Aaron was also a very deep gift to me, as well. I loved seeing Aaron so happy, and I love seeing Aaron BE loved by so many precious people in his life.

Sometimes it’s easy to feel alone when you raise a child with special needs, especially when they are fully adults yet, as in Aaron’s case, still so fully dependent on the help he needs from the family and staff that surround him.

Easy to look at others who are Aaron’s age, or much younger, who are finishing school and getting jobs and raising a family.

Those thoughts for me are fleeting, though, because I know the danger they carry. Aaron is Aaron, created by God, and my responsibility is to love and care for him – not to regret that he isn’t someone else.

Barb’s daughter, Casady, a kind soul who loves Aaron to pieces, wrote this in Aaron’s card:

“Happy birthday, buddy! Thanks for making me see all the sides of life. Love you so much.”

Those words seem to just go over Aaron’s head, but not mine. Her words go straight to my heart and come out from my eyes in tears that I don’t let Aaron see…or he would call me a crybaby.

But oh, life really is so much more than our routine and our version of “normal.” Trust me, Aaron shows us sides of life that we never even thought of! And other sides that we would like to forget!

Yet Aaron also shows us how much fun it is to relish routine and special days and music and warm blankets and coffee and cows and horses and bugs and steak and movies and shopping and dogs and cats and milkshakes and sharing and pennies he finds on the ground.

I sometimes stop and look at Aaron when he’s doing an Aaron thing, and my heart swells ‘til it almost hurts. He is so unique, complicated, hilarious, maddening, and upsetting. All the sides of Aaron are also the sides that all of us have, but Aaron doesn’t often have the ability to hide them like we can. They’re out there for all to see…and to hear!

And this morning, I heard a seizure a little after 5:00, and another just before 8:00. Then one that he’s only had once before, back in April – long and strange and scary. This is the side of Aaron’s life I dislike the most, but it’s a side we must handle and manage as best we can. I handle it by being thankful in the many ways that God brings to my mind, and by knowing as well that God is there for us and for Aaron with His sovereign protection and grace.

The sides of Aaron’s life…the good, the bad, and the sad…are all wrapped up like a birthday gift that God gave to us the day that Aaron was born. It’s up to us to relish all of who Aaron is, even the hard sides of Aaron; to thank God for our special gift; and to care for him in all the ways he needs.

Every side of Aaron…every day.

Hey, it was Aaron’s birthday!!

And I’m happy about that!!

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My Crazy Start

022419-061718 It was a hot June 18 in Princeton, West Virginia, WAY back in 1955. Beth King was busy watching over her three children, ages 4 and under, as well as preparing for her parents to arrive from Florida. Her husband, Jack, was at work and so she busily got the house and dinner ready for her family to arrive. Oh, and someone else was getting ready to arrive, too. Beth was 9 months pregnant! And so in her typical hard-working fashion, she decided to tackle one more task that needed to be done. Grabbing the lawn mower, she set out to mow the large yard. She was barefoot – after all, this WAS West Virginia!

After mowing awhile, Beth ran in to check on the dinner in the oven. She had made a specialty of hers – Cheese Souffle – and knew that she needed to watch its rising very carefully. Bending over, she slowly opened the oven door and received quite a surprise. Her water broke!!

I don’t remember all the details at that point – I was the one about to be born – but I can imagine that there was much rushing around and changing of plans and phone calls and getting to the hospital!

Dr. Pace had to be called in from a family picnic on this beautiful summer Saturday. I had no concern for other’s plans, only my own! Dr. Pace was wearing a very bright Hawaiian shirt and didn’t have time to Patty as a baby with siblings change because I was in a hurry. Mother had green feet from mowing the lawn. And so I was born, looking at green feet and a bold Hawaiian shirt.

Does this explain me to all of you? It should.

And guess what my favorite meal is, the one that Mom always made for me when I would come home from college or from being around the world as a military wife? Cheese Souffle, of course!!

I love you, Mom, for giving me life on this day 63 years ago – strange as it was!

The Best Gifts Aren’t Wrapped!

Aaron had a birthday last week…his #33!! My goodness, when did THAT happen?! Of course, you know what that makes me…but since I’m the one choosing the subject of this blog, I choose not to choose to talk about ME, and MY age!!

Aaron unabashedly loves his birthday. It’s one of the treasures of his way of thinking, that he doesn’t outgrow the pure joy of his special day. Yet he also shies away from too much attention, too much hilarity, too much of anything that makes him feel like he must do something that he’s not quite sure how to do. Yet this year, he was more relaxed with all the excitement and well wishes from others. He showed it in several ways that were out of his norm, and it was wonderful to see.

Yet the very best part of his birthday were the gifts. Oh, I’m not talking about his presents and cards from family and friends…though they were great, and Aaron loved every single one.

The absolute best part of this birthday, as the celebrating carried over for several days, was for me to sit back and watch the priceless gifts from some amazing people in his life. I’ll try to let my pictures do most of the talking. And speaking of talking, I did not get pictures of him talking to his sister, Andrea – or his Aunt Sandra. But the smiles on his face and the conversations were very sweet indeed…even when he interrupted Andrea in the middle of her sentence to give me back the phone. We got a great laugh out of that one!

His long and special friendship with Rosa continues as each year they make time to share their birthdays with each other at Chili’s. Rosa’s mother, Louise, has become a dear friend of mine, as well. They are a gift!

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I think it was Rosa who suggested that the servers sing to Aaron. And Aaron, who has never wanted that attention, agreed to it. Their gift to Aaron was fun…our server there in the middle was wonderful…and look at the joy on Aaron’s face.

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What can beat the gift of sharing birthday ice cream with your very special friend?

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On his actual birthday, Aaron agreed to take cupcakes to his day group. He has NEVER wanted to do that! I was so happy!

We stopped at Sam’s on our way to Paradigm. Aaron, in his typical way, grabbed the attention of someone who works there and asked them where the cupcakes were. That someone was one of the butchers, and as I tried to tell Aaron and the butcher that I knew where the cupcakes were, Aaron excitedly said to him, “TODAY is my birthday!!” So this very kind young man told Aaron to meet him at the bakery down the aisle, and he gave Aaron two free cookies. Look at the joy!

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There is the gift of the very patient therapy dog at Aaron’s day group.

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And the gift of our own Jackson that we took on a walk that afternoon.

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There was the look of total delight as he held his sister’s gift to him.

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And laughter as he later opened his brother’s Artsy Fartsy card…complete with fartsy sound effects.

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There was the gift of Barb, from Paradigm…and her daughter, Casady, coming for lasagna.

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And Aaron wanting Casady to help him open a gift.

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One of the most touching pictures on his birthday was this picture, sent to me by Barb…taken at Paradigm…of Aaron and his friend, Koren, with good old Piper. To me, it sums up how impacting and touching are the friends in Aaron’s life.

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How much our special one’s desire to have love!

How many ways that love can be shown in their lives, even by perfect strangers!

Aaron may not always give a verbal thank you very easily, but the smiles on his face last week told it all.

And that is a wonderful gift for me and Gary as well.

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A Gift on Atha’s Birthday

Today is my friend Atha’s birthday. It should be a very happy day of celebrating for Atha, her family, and for me. Atha and I should be going out to lunch one day this week to celebrate our birthdays that are close together, paying for each other’s lunch while we laugh and while we share some heart-to-heart time. But none of this will be happening today, or this week, or ever again. At least not happening with Atha present. Atha is in heaven now, and has been for nearly three months.

Is that even possible?

I wrote about my dear friend Atha after her memorial service. Here’s the link in case you missed it and would like to know her better. This Is My Friend She was……she is……so worth knowing. I can’t believe she’s not here now.

I still hear her voice clearly in my head, and her wonderful laughter. I had lunch today with Atha’s daughter, Sarah, and I saw Atha in Sarah’s movements……the way Sarah held up her index finger as she talked……the way she opened her eyes so wide and moved her head…….her laughter.

I have so much I’d like to tell Atha. I deeply miss our conversations, whether in person or more often, on the phone. She was my best porch buddy, where I would sit as we chatted on the phone……my iced tea by my side……until the mosquitoes would drive me inside.

I still hear her words of advice, mixed with southern charm and sometimes a dash of sarcasm, depending on the subject. I hear her words of comfort during the hard times, and her words mixed with the fire of resolve over injustices or wrong that either of us were enduring.

And I will always hear, and never forget, one of the most impacting things she…..or anyone……ever said to me.

“You are established in your purpose, Patty,” she said to me one day. I wrote about that, too. My Purpose

I will carry that with me always.

I’ve been missing her more the past few days, probably because of her birthday. The special days are always hardest. This past Saturday evening, for some reason, I just wanted so much to go sit out on my porch and talk to Atha. I was so sad, and the tears came. So I went up to my table that holds my Bible and I sat down, opening the pages, and reading here and reading there as I asked the Lord to give me a word that I needed.

I ended up in Isaiah 46. God was speaking to Israel but principles are there for us as well. Listen to verses 9-10:

Remember the former things long past, For I am God, and there is no other. I am God and there is no one like Me, declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times things which have not been done, saying, ‘My purpose will be established, and I will accomplish all My good pleasure.’

I looked at that after reading it, and I said to myself, “Wait. What did that just say?”

So I read it again. Yes, there it was! Atha’s words to me were spoken by God to me as well!!

Atha said, “You are established in your purpose.”

God said, “My purpose will be established.”

Isn’t that just awesome and amazing?!!

God has a purpose, and His purpose WILL be established. He WILL accomplish all of His good pleasure. He will accomplish His plan, according to His purpose that He has established……and in which He IS established.

And I wanted to say, “Well, Atha……looky there!!”…….to borrow an old childhood word. Looky at that, would you?

Wasn’t God SO extra good and loving to show me those verses when I was so sad?

So I thanked God for reminding me of Who He is, and that He has a purpose even for the pain. I don’t understand it……I may not even at this point really like it…..but His purpose will be established. It will be accomplished, whether I see it or understand it this side of heaven or not.

Verses like this become memorial stones to me, so beside that verse I wrote, “Remembering Atha, June 2016.”

Atha would absolutely love this. I wonder if God told her how He leaned down and spoke to me on Saturday evening, using her words that are His words.

It was just all wrapped up together like a beautiful package, perfect for this birthday week.

Happy Birthday, Atha. I miss you, I love you, and I am so happy that you are…..and always will be…..my friend, Atha.

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Disappointments

Disappointments. Not a very catchy, interesting title, is it? Not even encouraging! But disappointments are universal. We all have them in one form or another, nearly every day. At my age, I’ve had enough serious disappointments that I now count my blessings when my disappointments are more along the line of a bad hair day, getting a cold, missing a fun day with friends, or not getting in on a great sale.

Disappointments related to Aaron usually come in two varieties. We are either disappointed IN Aaron for some reason, or we are disappointed FOR Aaron. We are usually disappointed IN Aaron because of his behaviors. We are usually disappointed FOR Aaron because of something that hurts his heart, and therefore ours as well.

On November 6, two days before his birthday, I was going to take Aaron to one of Paradigm’s residential homes so that we could celebrate with some of his friends. We were going to take pizzas and have fun. Aaron was so looking forward to it! But he came down with a stomach virus and was unable to go. How disappointing! We were disappointed for Aaron, very much.

So a week later, this past Friday, we made the same plans again. But on Friday afternoon, the plans were canceled once again. One of Aaron’s friends was having a very rough day and it wouldn’t have been a good situation for us to be in the home that night, no matter how much pizza we brought. It was going to take time for this person to calm down. In fact, this client had some words for Aaron during the situation, much like Aaron does when he has a meltdown, and it really hurt Aaron’s heart. And it hurt and disappointed us, too, for Aaron.

All of this made Aaron act out. He banged on the car that brings him home, making a small dent in the front of the car. He yelled at me when he got home, escalating as I tried to talk to him. He looked in his Friday goodie bag that sat on the kitchen table, and then knocked it on to the floor. This is Aaron’s way of handling his own disappointments. Instead of talking about his hurt, he becomes angry. Talking only makes him angrier, especially my talking to him.

I had two disappointments going on that evening. I had my disappointment for Aaron as I was hurt for him in his hurt. And I had my disappointment in Aaron…..in his behaviors that can’t be allowed, but sometimes can’t be stopped. His defiance was understandable but unacceptable. I hid his goodie bag from him as a tangible sign that his behavior was wrong…..and I wished with all my heart that he could just verbalize his disappointment instead of acting it out with harsh words and defiant behavior.

He finally settled down enough to show an interest in going out to eat dinner instead of yelling, “NO!” as he had earlier. So before long we met Gary at Outback, where we enjoyed dinner together and especially enjoyed seeing happy Aaron return. In fact, before we left the house to meet Gary, Aaron said, “I’m just disappointed.” Wow!! Victory in three little words! Aaron expressed his disappointment verbally and I praised him for that as I told him that I understood, and that I shared his disappointment. I shared it so much that I even watched The Blob movie with him that night. That movie brought me to a whole other level of disappointment, trust me. It was painful!! But Aaron was happy!

He had a rough morning yesterday, Monday, as he returned to Paradigm. But the afternoon was much better. Today he got up very early, and at 6:11 I was in the kitchen listening to him talk about The Blob movie that we had watched. I’m sorry, but 6:11 is a little early to be handling talk about The Blob. I’m still not over that movie.

Our morning went well, and I was happy for Aaron to be so happy as I dropped him off at Paradigm. But shortly before 2:30 I got a call. Aaron was having a seizure. I had just gotten home from spending the day with my elderly friend, so I was thankful that I was free as I drove to pick Aaron up at his day group. Poor Aaron! Another disappointment, this time more for me. Disappointment for Aaron as he faces these awful seizures……his badly bitten tongue…..his headache…..the interruption in what should have been a good day. He handles it so well, thankfully unaware of how sad I am for him.

This morning, as I had my quiet time, I did what I sometimes feel compelled to do. I asked the Lord, as I turned the pages in my Bible, to give me a special word…..something He knew I needed on this day. Today I flipped from Romans, where I have been reading, back to the first place my turned pages led….to Malachi. And there in Malachi 3:6 I read these words: “For I, the Lord, do not change.”

Simple words, but I knew they were somehow for me today. As I drove home with Aaron beside me, his breathing having that certain post-seizure sound, I looked up at the sky as very dark clouds rolled in. There was a mix of bright blue, but coming in were the dark stormy clouds that promised rain. Our day was changing from bright sunshine to dark cloudiness, just like my day with Aaron had gone from bright happiness to dark seizure concerns.

Disappointments. Changes. We face so many of those, don’t we? And I didn’t wonder anymore why God gave me that random verse this morning in the little book of Malachi. “For I, the Lord, do not change.” So in the middle of disappointments, whatever they may be…..and in the middle of the changes that those disappointments often bring…..we can as God’s children stand firm in God’s promise that He does not change. Ever.

Just stop and think about what that promise means. God never changes. He is always the same, loving us and instructing us and being there for us. No amount of world changes, of family changes, of my own changes….and the disappointments they bring….will ever change God.

I’m very, very thankful for that promise today. I’m very thankful that God gave it to me…..humbled, really, as I always am when God speaks to me so kindly and specifically.

One more thing. I’m never disappointed in God. Never. And I know that He will see us through all of our disappointments, including the ones IN and FOR our Aaron.

Beautiful Hands

This past May our mother passed on to heaven. We said our final earthly goodbyes to her on May 8, and thus began our year of those firsts. Many of you know them…….those first special days that you spend without that special person. Our first “first” came quickly. Mother’s Day occurred just two days after Mom’s funeral. Isn’t that just like life? Life doesn’t wait on us to get ready for the things that are hard. They happen whether we’re ready or not.

Our next first is tomorrow. Tomorrow is Mom’s birthday. She would be 89 if she had lived to see this day. I know, though, that none of us wish her back. We had been saying goodbye to her for a long time as the symptoms of Alzheimer’s overtook her brain and body. What a sad disease it is! Alzheimer’s takes a person slowly, robbing them of their essence and their personality and their memories. I’ll never forget going to see Mom last year, in June of 2014. When Gary and I entered her assisted living apartment with Jan, Mom not only didn’t know us at all, but she didn’t even show any joy that we were there. She would usually at least act happy to have visitors, but on this visit she was completely devoid of even that. For the first time, I did indeed feel like a visitor…..and an ignored one, at that.

Our visit that June was also the one where we gathered around Mom in the kitchen at Jan’s house as we sang hymns. Mom sang with us, surprising us all. That time was deeply precious to each of us, including Mom. Her eyes lit up as she sang. She smiled and she tried to express what she was thinking about each song. She remembered words very well, and we knew that each song resonated with her deep in her heart and mind.

Before we left that evening to go on our separate ways once again, Mary Beth wanted us to all put our hands on the table together, and take a picture. I’m so glad we did that. Something about that picture is so personal…..so tender. There is our mother’s hand, nestled among her children’s. Her hand shows the effects of age….of hard work….of arthritis. But her hand is beautiful. And us….our hands also show the signs of age that are creeping upon us. You can see some spots…..some lumps on our joints…..and several of us have that funny little finger that Mom had.

I look at that picture and I think of how Mom’s hand was always in our lives. From an early age her hands were ever busy with caring for us five children, and for Dad. I remember her hands cooking and baking, sewing and cleaning, caring for sick children and looking after busy children. She used her hands to show us how to make little troll doll clothes out of felt while she sewed real clothes for us to wear. She used her hands to let us turn the handle on the food chopper as she made Cranberry Salad for Thanksgiving. She used her hands to fill our table with huge baking sheets of homemade rolls while she pinched off little pieces of dough for us to happily eat. She used her hands to teach us how to set a table and how to wash dirty dishes after loading the sink just right.

Her hands wiped our tears…..and sometimes caused our tears as she spanked us for disobedience. Her hands worked to grow beautiful flowers and delicious vegetables, which she froze and canned and cooked and shared with others. Her hands taught us how to do the laundry and to fold the clothes correctly. Her hands taught us to iron whatever she had placed in our four baskets, each basket bearing the name of one of us girls. Where was John’s? J Her hands taught us how to clean a house, how to hem a dress, how to play some of her favorite card games, how to make a bed the RIGHT way, how to take care of our varied pets, and how to plan the many practical jokes for which she was famous.

Perhaps the most important use of her hands was when she would open her Bible in the early mornings as we all sat around the breakfast table. Dad would have already gone to work, so before we left for school, Mom would be sure that we all opened our Bibles as she did. She would read from the Our Daily Bread devotional book, reading the selected Bible passage first and then reading the devotion before we prayed. Her commitment to God and to us was never more evident than during that precious time together every morning.

Her hands made each of our wedding dresses and bridesmaids dresses. Her hands cared for us after each of our children was born. Her hands loved and doted on her grandchildren and great-grands. Her hands knit literally countless numbers of Christmas stockings for family, friends, friends of friends, friends of family, pets……you get the idea. Her hands quilted each of us a totally handmade quilt after she retired. Then those always busy hands made, again, an untold number of quilts for others to enjoy. Her hands took meals to shut-ins. Her hands stuffed envelopes for the Crisis Pregnancy Center, for missionaries, and for church.

Her hands cared for Dad for eight years as he fought cancer. And it was her hands that he wanted to scramble his eggs that he loved during the final few weeks of his life. Only her hands would do, and I understood that totally as I stepped aside and let her do this thing that she loved so much. It was in their little kitchen that I noticed her hands doing things differently than she had ever done…..and I knew that the Alzheimer’s was lurking, waiting to overcome her in the following years.

Her hands worked hard to care for Dad during that final month that he lived. He preferred her hands above all others, but he knew that she was struggling, and so he allowed Jan and I to help as well. But it was Mom’s hand that he reached for as they sat on the couch. It was Mom’s touch that comforted him when he was so sick. It was Mom’s hand that he held as he lay in his hospital bed…..her hand reaching through the bed rails as she lay alone in their bed beside his hospital bed.

Jan took one last picture of Mom’s hands as she lay dying this past May. There they were, crossed on her lap, still and unmoving. She was nearing the end of her time on earth. Her hands, though, spoke volumes to all of us. I’m again so thankful for the picture that Jan took. Her hands showed the evidence of years of love and work. Now her hand’s work was done. It was time for her to rest.

But the work of her hands will never be done. Her work in our lives does indeed live on. So much of who we are and what we are is because of her beautiful hands in our lives. None of us King children would be who we are today without the influence of her godly, kind hands. Then our children, and their children, show the impact of Mom’s hands. What a treasure is to be seen in those soft, wrinkled hands!

I’m pretty sure that her hand is now holding Dad’s hand in heaven. I doubt that they’ve let each other go since she’s joined him there. Unless there’s work for her to do, and then I can totally see her using those hands to make something or to keep things straight. I wonder how many quilts she’s made by now?

The Proverbs 31 woman was described as one who works with willing hands. Our mother did just that, and for the rest of our lives we will benefit from her wonderful, willing hands in our lives.

Happy Birthday, Mom. Thank you for your beautiful hands in our lives. You will always be loved.

Along Came a Storm

Saturday was a day that Aaron had anticipated for a few weeks. That’s because Saturday was the day we were celebrating Rosa’s birthday by eating with her family at Chili’s. Aaron and Rosa are very special friends. They don’t see each other very often anymore since Rosa has a new day group and a new residential setting. These infrequent get-togethers are very nice for both of them, and usually very enjoyable for us parents.

I knew that Aaron was excited about going to the birthday dinner when at 10:15 Saturday morning, he asked what time we were leaving. I told him that we would leave at 4:45. He asked again a little after 1:00, and of course my answer was the same. He told me that it was going to be a long time before we left, but he hurried back up to his room and got busy once again. I was surprised that he didn’t ask about our leaving time again. I expected at least two or three more queries, but he didn’t ask further.

Aaron and Rosa were happy to see each other, in their own way. Rosa opened Aaron’s gift right away, and soon was holding some of the colored pencils he gave her in her hand. At one point, amidst the commotion, I just watched the two of them. Rosa talked and Aaron responded as he listened to every word she said. Aaron didn’t really look at her like you and I would, yet he was listening and answering.

After dinner, Aaron and Rosa wanted Rosa to ride in our van to her house. We had all planned to go to Rosa’s house for birthday cake, so off we went on a pretty drive through the country west of Wichita. Storm clouds had been building in that direction. They were beautiful to see as we looked out over the flat Kansas landscape. The clouds, the lightning, and our radar told us that soon we would have a good old Kansas thunderstorm.

Leroy and Louise’s house is an old family farmhouse, built in 1912. They have remodeled it, and it’s just so lovely and interesting. We thoroughly enjoyed walking around the yard, learning some of the history. Then it was fun to take the inside tour, seeing original elements of the house that are still intact and appreciating the updating that has been done. I loved seeing the various family pictures on the walls, a story waiting to be told for each one.

However, as we oohed and aahed and asked our questions, Aaron was becoming pretty perturbed. He had lost interest in the house, the history, the beautiful views from the large windows, and even Rosa’s room that he finally got to see. I was trying to enjoy this time with friends, but Aaron was demanding more of my silent attention……and then eventually my not so silent corrections as his attitude was becoming more evident. When Gary and Leroy came inside, Gary joined me in our attempts to keep Aaron on track.

It was time, then, to look at Rosa’s pretty cake. The candles looked like crayons, perfect for Rosa. She had jungle themed plates, cups, and napkins in bright colors. Those were also perfect for Rosa because she was adopted by Leroy and Louise from a jungle tribe in Brazil. Talk about a story!! Now there’s one for sure!

We sang Happy Birthday, and then Louise asked Aaron to help Rosa blow out her candles…..which he did, by blowing them all out except for one. Rosa didn’t seem to mind, thankfully. But Aaron still wasn’t happy. He was continuing to let us know that he was ready to go home. We knew that arguing with him wouldn’t help at all, but only make matters worse. He didn’t want to sing Happy Birthday (but then he really never does like doing that); he didn’t want to eat cake; he didn’t want to eat ice cream; he didn’t want to drink sparkling grape juice; and he didn’t want to sit and watch us do all those things. But we did sit and enjoy our cake and ice cream and sparkling juice…..with Aaron lamenting that he wanted to go home.

The storm was picking up outside and lightning was flashing, which only increased Aaron’s insistence that we go home. His agitation was increasing, too, just like the storm outside.

“Aaron, you’ve wanted to come to Rosa’s house for the longest time. Why are you acting this way? Why do you want to go home?” I asked.

“Because I want to watch the storm from MY room!” he answered.

I wasn’t at all surprised by his answer, though I was disappointed at how unhappy he was. He wasn’t out of control, but he wasn’t enjoying this time that he had said he wanted to someday have. Time to see Rosa’s house and Rosa’s room and Rosa’s life.

But a storm had intruded, and suddenly nothing else was interesting to Aaron. All of our talk was about a house and a history that surrounded this pretty house, while Aaron just wanted to see it all quickly and then go home where he could get back to his world and his house and his history……and enjoy the storm in his own room, where storms are meant to be enjoyed.

It seems selfish to us, but when you know autism you know that it’s really not selfish. It’s just rigid. It’s Aaron’s rigid way of living his life. Yes, Aaron’s life is mostly about Aaron, but those realities are beyond his control. He thought that he was using great control to stay as long as he did without a complete meltdown…..and I guess we should be thankful for that as well.

That evening to me was a perfect example of the saying about trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Wanting Aaron to just get over it…..wanting him to enjoy the talk and the tour…..wanting him to really get excited about the birthday celebration with the cake and the decorations…..wanting him to enjoy the storm at Rosa’s house instead of in his room at his house…..well, it just wasn’t going to happen. We could hammer all day, but the square peg would NOT fit in the round hole. Nope. Not going to happen.

It’s embarrassing to Gary and me, but we do understand what makes amazing Aaron tick. A storm in any other place is just not right. He wanted his house, his room, his pajamas on, his way. I’m glad we did stay and we did make Aaron stay, stretching him beyond his comfort zone without devastating him. I’m glad that Leroy and Louise understand, and I hope that Rosa was happy with the evening. I do wonder what she was thinking, but she also knows Aaron well.

You know, if Aaron was blind I would never ask him to go walk down a busy sidewalk by himself, unassisted in any way. If he was in a wheelchair, I would never ask him to go up or down a set of stairs by himself. Aaron is confined, in a sense, by autism. He is confined to a way of functioning that cannot be overcome by mere encouragement. Just like I could not cheer him in a wheelchair into being able to conquer those stairs, I could not cheer him with my words or expectations into being able to function appropriately at Rosa’s house on Saturday night. He cannot just ignore his autism…..cannot stuff it into a corner of his brain for an evening and act like we want him to act. He does try, like he did at Rosa’s house, but it’s very difficult for him. We see progress sometimes, and other times not so much.

On the way back to our house on Saturday evening, the rain fell hard against the van. Aaron was sitting in the middle seat, visibly relaxing as we headed to our house. He went inside, talking happily, and quickly changed into his pajamas. Later, we had some conversation about the evening…..what was fun and what we were disappointed in concerning his behavior. Will he learn from it? We can only hope. We can only keep trying.

But most of all, we must keep understanding and we must try not to be too discouraged. We all have ups and downs. Aaron’s are just usually louder and involve the people around him, no matter who they are.

Maybe that’s why he likes storms so much. They’re definitely seen and heard, just like Aaron.

We were sure that Saturday would find us slipping that round peg in a round hole with no problem. We were sure that the evening would be an easy fit for Aaron. But along came a storm…..

Who would have thought?

	Patty hesaidwhatks on My Occupied Heart
	Beth Alisan on My Occupied Heart
	Patty hesaidwhatks on But We Need the Rain
	Patty hesaidwhatks on My Occupied Heart
	Patty hesaidwhatks on My Occupied Heart