Category: Trust

Moving!

I’m writing this on Christmas morning.  Usually, our Christmas morning is full of all the activity that you normally think of, but not this year.  We won’t be celebrating our Christmas until the middle of January.  I’m about to explain why.

And sorry, neighbors, but our outdoor decorations are staying up longer than ever!  HaHa!

Our daughter Andrea and her husband Kyle live in the Houston area.  They have wanted to leave the city for some time.  After little Ryker was born, that desire intensified.  Several months ago, they talked to their realtor there to start formulating a plan.  Nothing was immediate, though.  Their desire was to move to Wichita, where Gary and I live, but there was no concrete plan and no house on their radar.

Last October…on the 22nd, to be exact…I shared with Andrea the burden on my heart about their desire to move.  I told her I didn’t know how she could do that if she was working on a new lab consulting position that was in the works.  

So, I told her about a home for sale here.   Roger and Deane, friends of ours that she also knows, were getting ready to put their house on the market.  Andrea felt that it would be out of their price range, but I encouraged her to contact them anyway.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

She messaged Deane and lo and behold, the house WAS in their price range.  Thus began a crazy week of lining up a loan pre-approval and so many other details…quickly.  Very quickly!

Four days later, Roger and Deane’s realtor took pictures of their home.  They thought the house wouldn’t be on the market for another week or two, but suddenly on that same day a for-sale sign was in their yard and the house was going live the next day.  

Andrea and I talked that evening.  “I’m trying not to be heartbroken and panic at the same time,” she told me.  

This seemed insurmountable.  But during this week God had given me a verse, as He always does.  I was comforted as I read it, writing my memorial stone words in the margin beside God’s words.

“The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot.”   (Psalm 16:5)

“Kyle and Andrea buying Brown’s house.  October 2023,” I wrote.

The meaning of, “You support my lot,” is this:  You take care of my circumstances.  

What a needed promise!  Whatever happened with this house was in God’s hands.

The next day, Andrea asked if Gary and I could run over to look at the house.  Roger and Deane’s realtor had agreed to have us come and look around on behalf of Andrea and Kyle since they were out of town.  

The dream seemed to still be alive!

Off we went!  It was wonderful to see Roger and Deane.  We stressed to them that they needed to pretend that they didn’t know us or know Andrea…that this was a business deal.  Their realtor was facetiming with Andrea as she looked at the house from Houston.  What a crazy way to try to buy a house!  But God loves crazy.

Andrea and Kyle decided to put in an offer, but they needed a realtor here.  Their loan company recommended one.  Heather and Andrea talked, and in the conversation, Heather told Andrea that she might be hard to reach on Sunday mornings because she would be in church…a church that we know here.  Heather is a believer!  Another evidence of God’s hand!

The weekend was a bit stressful with offers for Roger and Deane’s beautiful home coming in…counter-offers…waiting and more waiting…realtors talking – just everything that goes along with buying a home.  

I was in the bowling alley with Aaron and our friends when my phone rang on that Monday, October 30.  It was Andrea calling.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer, but I stepped outside so I could hear whatever news it was.

“They accepted our offer!!” Andrea exclaimed.

And just like that, the dream had become a reality!

It was surreal and amazing and so hard to grasp in that moment what God had done.

How thankful we were!

One more thing.  Who are Roger and Deane?

Well, without giving too much detail, they had stood by our side 15 years ago during a very hard trial.  Stood with us when no one else in that particular group would.  And now God had brought them back into our lives to greatly bless our family again.

Isn’t God just wonderful to weave such a sweet story for all of us?!

But oh, there was so much ahead for everyone.  

So much stress to come.

And so many opportunities for God to show His hand!

I’ll share the next chapter later.  

What Time?

A prominent trait of individuals with autism is a fixation on time.  Not just the current time, as in this oft-repeated conversation:

Me:  Aaron, would you like to go ahead and eat your sub for lunch?

Aaron:  Wait!

He then pushes his shirt sleeve up…WAY up, because he wears his watch halfway to his elbow…and stares at the time.

Aaron:  Not yet.

Me (knowing the answer):  Why not?

Aaron:  Because it isn’t 12:00 yet.  It’s 11:54.

But Aaron is also very concerned about ordering the timing of events in his day.  That particular interchange sounds like this.

Me:  Aaron, would you like to go to Swanson Park for a walk today?

Aaron:  Yes!  What time?

Me:  Just whenever I get done with this laundry and a couple other things.

Aaron:  So what time will that be?

Me:  I don’t know, but I’ll come get you when I’m ready.

Later, as we walk in the park:

Me:  After we finish our walk, I need to run by the house to do a few things.  Then would you like to go to Dairy Queen?  (Silly question!)

Aaron:  Yeah!!  What time?

Me:  I don’t know the exact time.  We haven’t even finished our walk yet.

Aaron:  OK.  So will it be 3:00?

Me:  I don’t know, Aaron.

Later again, as Aaron is happily chowing down on a Choco Brownie Extreme Blizzard:

Me:  For our show tonight, do you want to watch The Big Valley?

Aaron:  Yeah!!

Silence, but I’m waiting for it…and Aaron doesn’t disappoint.

Aaron:  What time?

AAAAHHHHH!!

That last part was just in my head.

Oh Aaron!  He can drive us to distraction with his emphasis on time.  And drives himself into great frustration when his timing ideas don’t match up with ours.  Or even worse, when he asks us what time something will happen, and we don’t give him a precise answer.

Did you know that between the Old and New Testaments, there was a gap of 400 years when the people of Israel did not hear directly from God?  There were no prophets, no visions, no word from God at all.

Just silence.

BUT!!!!

“BUT when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law.”   (Galatians 4:4)

When the time was right in God’s eyes, did He ever speak!  He sent His only Son, born of woman, to live and die in this world so that you and I could be redeemed.  

I’m a time worrier, too.  I wonder why sometimes God seems silent, or why He answers me but not in the way or in the timing I want…and am sure I need.  

But this verse in Psalm 16 has meant so much to me, especially recently as I have claimed it for a situation in our family:

“The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot.  (Psalm 16:4)

Just as God portioned out the Promised Land to Israel, so He also gives to me what I need but only WHEN I need it…not when I THINK I need it.  

The words, ‘You support my lot’ mean that God takes care of my circumstances.  

When I allow Him to be my portion and my inheritance…I partake of Him in daily communion as I travel this road of life…I learn to trust His timing in all the matters of life that matter so much to me.  

Yes, I’m human and I get impatient and bothered but God is ever faithful and understanding of my fixation on time, much like Aaron’s.

God takes care of my circumstances!

What an absolutely amazing thought.  

Me:  What time, God?

God:  In MY time, Patty.  The fullness of time.  

And that’s really all I need to know.

Remain With God

I’m sitting here tonight at my desk, feeling the weight of hurt that someone I love is enduring.  Yet knowing, too, that God is at work answering prayers that have been prayed for years. 

Sometimes God’s answers come with pain.  

Praying with that knowledge is an act of sacrifice.

I don’t like pain and hurt, and I especially don’t like to see those I love in that condition.

A few weeks ago, I drove to see a sweet friend for the day.  I shot this quick picture while I headed down the road.  

That cloud was both beautiful and intimidating.  Would it just stay a gorgeous cloud, or would it turn into a storm?  On I went on the road I needed to take.  Turns out there was a little thunder later but mostly I enjoyed a very pretty sky that God gave.

About this same time, I read I Corinthians 7.  Paul was encouraging people of various situations in life…wives, Jews, Gentiles, slaves.  He ended the section with these words:

“Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called.”   (I Cor. 7:24)

Three words jumped out at me.  

Remain with God.

Whatever the condition to which we are called, we are to remain with God.

Sometimes…very often, actually…life’s situations to which God calls us are just plain hard.

Cancer.  Oh, the dear friends I have who are battling cancer.

Dementia.  Loss of a loved one.  Or caring for a loved one with a serious illness.

Parenting special needs of any age.

And this world.  This sad, scary, upended world.

But through it all, we are to remain with God.  

Like that road I was driving, straight with a curve up ahead and a big uncertain cloud, but on which I knew I must remain until I reached my destination.

Remain with God through the tears, the fears, the pain, the pressures.

Don’t give up on God.  Listen to what else Paul said about his own thorn in the flesh that God allowed him to have.

“And He has said to me, My grace is sufficient for you; for My power is made perfect in weakness.”   (II Cor. 12:9)

If I don’t remain with God, then I will not be able to partake of His amazing and sufficient grace, or to experience His awesome power in my life. 

Being under the hand of my loving Father is where I need to remain, regardless of the circumstances in which I find myself…or in which I find those that I love.

Remain with God.

There is no better place to be.

Two Plates

Yesterday we picked up some Mexican food for lunch.  Aaron loves to watch a show while we eat, so he busied himself with getting his lunch spot ready while I was in the kitchen.  I walked into the family room and saw these two plates on the floor beside his ottoman.  

Most people would wonder why Aaron needed two plates since part of his food was already in a container.  But I know Aaron and I know that he must put his food and even his food container on a plate.  It’s a small price for me to pay in order to have Aaron content and happy.  I knew that on one plate he would place his container of nachos, and on the second plate he would place his tacos.  

More importantly, Aaron knew what would go on those two plates.  He had plans for those plates, even if no one else knew or understood his plate’s purposes.  Though empty, in Aaron’s mind those plates were already full of his lunch food.

I was reminded of Aaron’s plates this morning as I read Joshua 17:14-18.  Joshua had been assigning the land of Israel to the 12 tribes.  Ephraim and Manasseh complained, though, that the land they were given wasn’t large enough.  Joshua told them to clear out the forested land, then, to give themselves more room.  

“Oh, but the Canaanites who live there have chariots of iron,” Ephraim and Manasseh said.

“Then you shall drive them out,” replied Joshua, “even though they have chariots of iron and though they are strong.”

You see, the real problem with these two tribes of Joseph was that they did not trust God’s adequacy to meet their need.  They were focused on the strong chariots instead of on their strong God.

The same God who had said, “When you go out to battle against your enemies and see horses and chariots and people more numerous than you, do not be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, who brought you up from the land of Egypt, is with you.”   (Deuteronomy 20:1)

It’s like they had Aaron’s two empty plates but didn’t trust that God had all they needed to fill the plates.

They needed to step out in obedience and then watch God give them victory.

“…we will see little of His power until we venture out into the way of obedience; until we trust His promise enough to walk in it.”   (Dale Ralph Davis)

I looked at Aaron’s empty plates laying there on the floor and knew exactly what he was doing.

So may I also place my empty plates down and trust God to fill them with all that He knows I need for each day…each decision…each trial…each heartache. 

“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”   (Hebrews 4:16)

Be Still IN the Jordan

I remember teaching prepositions to our children years ago as we homeschooled.  I wanted them to understand not only what a preposition was, but to also grasp the huge difference that a preposition made in our speech and our writing.  Therefore, my instruction went something like this:

“Let’s get IN the car.  Not under the car…behind the car…by the car…near the car…on the car…but IN the car.”

Why am I talking about prepositions?  

Because the little preposition ‘IN’ jumped out at me recently IN Joshua 3:8.

God had led the children of Israel to the promised land.  Not just TO the promised land, but now they were IN the land.  

Yet a huge obstacle stood in their way.  The Jordan River stood between them and the land that God had promised them.  

Now typically, crossing the Jordan River wouldn’t have been such a big deal.  But God chose to have the Israelites cross the Jordan during flood stage.  

A little geography lesson might help us grasp just how difficult this crossing was.  As Dale Davis says, “…the river helps one to appreciate the miracle.”

The river’s floodplain between the Sea of Galilee and the Dead Sea is packed with tangled brush and jungle growth.  Crossing the river during flood stage was extremely dangerous, not only because of the raging current but because of the jungle growth underneath the water that would entangle you.  

As I was reading about God leading the Israelites to go over the Jordan in Joshua 3, a phrase in verse 8 jumped off the page and right into my heart.  God told the priests:

“…when you come to the edge of the waters of the Jordan, you shall stand still IN the Jordan.”

God didn’t tell the priests to be still near the Jordan…beside the Jordan…at the Jordan…but IN the Jordan.

I have written before about Psalm 46:10, my mother’s favorite verse.  In fact, I have her framed copy of that wonderful reminder to “Be still and know that I am God.”

Be still.  Quit striving.  And know that God is God.

That’s the only knowledge we need as we walk through this life.  

Sometimes God leads us right into the flood.  We feel helpless and scared…maybe confused and bitter.

But this is where our trust in God can and should grow, even as the flood swirls around us and the undergrowth attempts to pull us under.

What is your Jordan today?  

“Perhaps He brings us into impossible circumstances, situations so bleak and hopeless, for the purpose of impressing upon us that if we make it through, if we endure it, if we are not overwhelmed and washed away, it will be only because of His grace and power.”   (Dale Ralph Davis)

So, be still IN your Jordan, and watch God work His best for you in that place of trust and peace.  

Needless Struggles

Early one morning I heard a soft pecking sound.  I was downstairs when I heard it.  I thought it was coming from outside, so I opened the door but didn’t see anything.  Still the sound persisted. 

I went upstairs, where I heard it again.  I went into one of our bedrooms and found the source.  Here was the culprit.

This isn’t the first time we have had this happen.  A female cardinal has done this over the years on occasion.  Research has shown us that there are several possible reasons for this behavior.  Females are very territorial, especially at this time of year when they are nesting.  She may see her reflection in the window and thinks she sees another bird, so she might be trying to chase it away.  Or she may see the reflection of the tree behind her in the window and might be wanting to check it out as a nesting site.

But the reasons for this silly bird’s actions are not the reasons for this blog.

I had fun showing Aaron our little cardinal as she pecked on our window repeatedly.

That night after we had prayed, Aaron came into my bedroom.

“Mom,” he said, “you should have prayed, ‘And help the woman cardinal’s head to not hurt.’  😊

Our little confused cardinal has also interrupted my quiet mornings in our family room, and in our living room as well. 

She is one determined little bird!

But I’ve thought of how useless her struggles are, when right behind her is a tree full of available branches for nesting.  There are also bushes all around that area.

And how her possible fears of another bird in her territory are nonsense.  Little does she know or realize that she is truly wasting precious time and energy as she flies into the windows, and pecks and pecks at nothing.

But oh dear, I am so much like that little “woman cardinal,” as Aaron said.

I struggle with myself over God’s leading in my life more than I care to admit.  Years ago, when Gary was retiring from the military, we tried and tried to move near our extended families.  However, no jobs at all were opening up for him.  The only feasible job…the best opportunity…and the one that God kept leading us to as we prayed…is far away from where we hoped to live.

And now here we are, with two of our adult children living far away from US…one to the north and the other to the south, along with our precious new grandson.  And we have Aaron, who is a huge reason that we are tied to staying where we are with great services and medical care here. 

BUT…we did pray for God’s leading many years ago…and we did see Him lead us here. 

BUT…because here isn’t always easy…how do I react?

Isaiah spoke to God’s people about how they depended on themselves instead of depending on God to protect them.  God led them to their land centuries earlier, and to the city He chose for them.

Jerusalem was that city. 

But Jerusalem had a huge feature that left them vulnerable to their enemies.

Their water supply was from the spring of Gihon, outside the city walls.  With their human ingenuity, the inhabitants built a conduit to keep water flowing into the city.  But then they developed an attitude of pride and trust in their accomplishment as they ignored God. 

They had become focused on how to solve their water problem without depending on God.

Did God not know that Jerusalem’s location had this weakness…this problem?

Of course He knew!

Did God make a mistake when He led them there?

No!

“Did He not knowingly choose a city with a vulnerable water supply so that living in His city actually required an attitude and commitment of faith that what He thus chose He would also Himself safeguard?”  (Alec Motyer)

How about me?  You?

Am I like that little cardinal, trying for a better situation or a safer location than the one to which God has led me?

“….it is a sin to depart from a position of simple, uncomplicated, trustful faith, and to replace it with man-made devices and securities.  Where the Lord has made promises our calling is to trust that He will keep His word, and to pray, and look to Him that He will do so.”   (Alec Motyer)

I look around me, at friends and family and others that come across my path.

It doesn’t make sense that a spouse died and left his wife widowed far too soon.

That cancer took a daughter, a wife with young children, after so many prayers and hopes for healing.

That a mother collapsed and died so suddenly.

That a family is reeling from years of caring for their young son who is fighting cancer after multiple amputations.

You know the stories.

You have your own.

Recently my cousin and his wife, David and Cindy, left me with these verses that have filled them with great hope at this time in their lives.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”   (Proverbs 3:5-6)

David was recently put on hospice care as his cancer is no longer responding to treatments.  Yet he can say, “It’s often so hard to make sense of what God is up to, but we must keep trusting, keep persevering.”

And from Cindy, “…all these trials are used by God in shaping us and growing our faith to His glory!  We are not alone.  Hebrews 13:5 – I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

What a testimony of trust and faith they are to so many!

Oh little “woman cardinal,” you do not need to struggle so to find a better tree or to fight an imaginary enemy!

And oh, dear one today, if you know Christ and follow Him then trust that where He leads you is where He will supply your every need and fulfill His perfect plan for your life. 

You do not need to struggle, acting as if God has made mistakes in your life.

Be still, my soul

The Lord is on thy side

Bear patiently

The cross of grief or pain

Leave to thy God

To order and provide

In every change

He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul

Thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Through thorny ways

Leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul

Thy God doth undertake

To guide the future

As he has the past

Thy hope, thy confidence

Let nothing shake

All now mysterious

Shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul

The waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled

Them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul

The hour is hastening on

When we shall be

Forever with the Lord

When disappointment grief

And fear are gone

Sorrow forgot, love’s

Purest joys restored

Be still, my soul

When change and tears are past

All safe and blessed

We shall meet at last.

God Sees When I Cannot

Here was Aaron yesterday morning:

No, he didn’t have a seizure.  He was just having a very hard time waking up to start his day.  It takes patience and wisdom on my part to deal with him when he wants to sleep late.  Sleepy Aaron is almost always grouchy Aaron.

A scenario like this isn’t life changing.  But lately, Aaron has been unsettled and extra-easily upset.  Is it the new little member of our family that he is struggling to accept?  Is he trying to establish his place of importance at home and at his day group?  Side effects of the meds he takes?  Or just the way his autistic brain functions in our world which is not always his world?

Probably some of all the above.

It’s been wearing on Gary and me lately.  Tiring.

I walked back to my desk after several treks into Aaron’s room. 

It hit me how crazy it is that at my age I am still actively parenting our son.  This is not at all how I ever imagined my life would be.

Don’t get me wrong.  I realize how very blessed I am in so many ways. 

But some days I wonder…

It’s easy to get mired down in the stress and frustrations, to the point that I lose sight of the path.

I feel much like Job, which I just read that morning.

          “Behold, I go forward but He is not there,

          And backward, but I cannot perceive Him;

          When He acts on the left, I cannot behold Him;

          He turns on the right, I cannot see Him.”  (Job 23:8-9)

It’s not just the path that I lose sight of.  Sometimes it’s God Himself that I cannot see.

Our emotions have a way of doing that to us. 

Our disappointments can blind us to God in our everyday lives.

BUT!!!

          “BUT He knows the way that I take…”  (Job 23:10)

I may lose sight of God in front of me or behind me…to my left or to my right.

BUT…God knows the way I take!

God hasn’t lost sight of me!

That word “knows” in Hebrew means “designates.”

The word “way” means the “course of life.”

God has designated the course of my life. 

God IS love and I know deep in my heart that His every plan for me is designed and wrapped in His love for me.

God also knows that I am but human…weak…questioning…fearful…sometimes angry.

Questions come easily when I am vulnerable.

Why does Aaron have to suffer?

Could You not have found another way to grow me, Lord?

If I allow myself to keep going down those paths, though, I will soon be off the path that God has for me.

That’s never a good place to be.

I need to be like Job, who in all his terrible suffering still said:

          “My foot has held fast to His path;

          I have kept His way and have not turned aside.

          I have not departed from the command of His lips;

          I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my

          necessary food.”   (Job 23:11-12)

Some days and many moments I don’t FEEL like I am holding fast to God or treasuring the words of His mouth.

But deep, deep in my heart I know that I do desire God’s will and God’s way.

We all go through the tough times, don’t we?  Some are brief.  Too many are prolonged…lifelong.

Oh God, show us every day that even when we can’t see You…You see us!

You appoint our path, hard as it often is.

Because in the hard is where we do more clearly see Your hand.

We feel your breath upon our faces as we wait before You, drying our tears and strengthening our failing hearts.

Then may we be able to say with Job:

          “When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” 

Grit And Glory

I hopped out of my van as I ran some errands a few days ago.  Well, hopped may be a stretch.  More like I stepped out of my van, in all honesty.

I had noticed this beautiful sky and being as I love taking sky pictures, I paused to snap a quick shot. 

I knew, though, that it probably wouldn’t be the best view because of the surroundings. 

“Nah,” I thought as I looked at the picture on my phone.  “It’s too cluttered with ugliness.”

I almost deleted it then and there but decided to look at it later and decide.

As I thought about that picture, and as I looked at it on my computer, the view reminded me of some things.

Those “not-so-pretty” poles and buildings and store sign are a lot like our lives.  I can say “our” because we all know that every person on the planet has a life that gets cluttered with “stuff.”

We wish our view could be like this picture that I took this week as well.

How gorgeous!  How impressive! 

But life isn’t picture perfect for any of us.  Life is full of grit.

Some of the hardships we handle are private.  We don’t want anyone to know about them, either because of pride or because we don’t want to bother others with our “stuff.”

Other areas of life are there for all to see.  We might try to hide our issues, or not talk about them, or hope that they’re not obvious.  But at times the junk is out there and noticeable and we are humiliated.

Whatever is going on in our lives, though, that messes up the beauty doesn’t need to consume our vision.

It is up to me to choose my focus.

And so it is with our lives.  On what am I focusing?

Better yet, on WHOM am I focusing?

            “For my eyes are toward You, O God, the Lord;

            In You I take refuge…”   (Psalm 141:8)

Oh, may we all learn to shift our eyes from our problems, our pain, our hurts, our struggles…and instead focus toward God, our refuge.

God’s character never changes even as our situations do.  His beauty is still there.

Turn from our grit to His glory.

            “My eyes are continually toward the Lord…”   (Psalm 25:15)

Baby and Uncle Aaron Update

I realize that it’s way beyond time for a baby update.  Speaking of time…where has it gone?!

Andrea will probably be admitted to the hospital this evening for an induction.  She is on blood thinner because of an autoimmune disease so in order to change and manage that medicine, her delivery had to be scheduled.  We would value your prayers for her and for their baby…our grandson!…during this process.

Aaron is up and down about being Uncle Aaron.  He is so focused on the issue that he is making himself nervous about it.  He talks and talks about being an uncle, to absolutely anyone who will listen…or who can’t help but listen as a captive audience in a check-out line, at their job, neighbors…

“I don’t WANT to be an uncle!” he declares. 

Then he listens as he is told once again that being an uncle is a fun job.  And that he will do a great job of being Uncle Aaron. 

“But I might have to change his diaper!” Aaron says.

And that has been the biggest subject of conversation for Aaron.  Changing diapers!

The nurse and staff at his day group have been so wonderful to help ease him through his diaper fixation.  Look at these pictures from this past Friday as once again the nurse let Aaron practice changing a diaper.  He’s always so excited to tell us that he passed the diaper changing test!

Added to diaper duty…which we have assured Aaron will not be required of him…is the actual trip to Texas to meet his nephew.  Aaron is not a happy traveler.  Therefore, his angst is increasing more than his excited anticipation. 

All these matters tend to muddy our own joy.

I knew this from the very beginning, though.

I knew that I would struggle with being far from Andrea during her pregnancy and during her delivery and recovery.

And especially, being too far away to meet my grandson quickly and often.

That’s why, on the very night that Andrea and Kyle told us back in May that a baby was coming, I knew that a struggle for me was ahead.

I know me very well.

The next morning, as I continued my study in I Timothy, I asked the Lord to give me a verse or a part of a verse to claim during these months…actually, years…ahead. 

God does not disappoint!

There it was!

A phrase in I Timothy 4:10 jumped right out at me and settled in my heart.

“…we have fixed our hope on the living God…”

I was so thankful!

My memorial stone was quickly written beside that verse:  Baby Kester, May 22, 2022.

How many times, when I have started down that path of wishing for things that are not to be…or I have begun to compare myself to others…or I have questioned God’s ways…this phrase has calmed and assured me.

For if I can’t trust God in this area of my life, when CAN I trust Him?

Then just last week, as I was in the book of Hebrews and reading about Moses in chapter 11, there it was again.

Verse 27:  “…Moses endures, as seeing Him who is unseen.”

Guess what the words “seeing Him” mean?

They mean that Moses’ eyes were fixed.

As in, “…we have fixed our hope on the living God.”

I was so touched that at the beginning of this grandbaby journey…and now nearing the end of the pregnancy…God once again told me to fix my eyes on Him.

This verb used in Hebrews refers to an artist whose eyes are fixed on the subject he is painting.  He focuses solely on the subject, not on the distractions around him.

Raymond Brown also points out that this word indicates a determined choice.

“Westcott says that it is used by classical writers in the sense of ‘looking from one object to another.’  We fix our eyes on the ultimate, not the immediate, on the eternal reward rather than our temporal gain.”

What I really want to get across in all of this is this:  I may be tired of my circumstances in some ways, but I am not hopeless!

I have fixed my hope on the living God!

God understands my desires and He knows my heart.

He keeps saying, “Patty!  Focus!!” as my eyes begin to wander to the distractions around me and I start to be discouraged or sad.

God is so good to me.  He understands and He does not demand perfection from me. 

Just trust, and hope.

Hope in the living God Who has a reason and a plan for every part of my life, grandbaby included.

Hope in the living God Who sent His own Son as a baby so that I could have that hope.

I hope I have happy baby news very soon!

And Aaron hopes that he really doesn’t have to change diapers!

The Sudden Dark Clouds

The other morning, I looked out my favorite upstairs window and saw this very pretty sky.  The puffy clouds and the sunshine reminded me of summer.

Not long after, however, I noticed from another room that it seemed darker outside.  I went back to the window and was shocked at what I saw.

Whoa!  In such a short time the scene had totally changed.  We went from bright and happy to dark and foreboding very quickly as a cold front began blowing in.

I have had those sudden dark times in my life. 

That Sunday years ago when our normal day turned into terror as Aaron lay on our kitchen floor, seizing violently.  The blur of a frantic call to the medical clinic…the ambulance…the German children’s hospital.  The stabs of deep fear mixed with the frustration of the language barrier and the culture that was in many ways unfamiliar. 

We went from worshipping God at church that morning to being blind-sided by a situation that we were totally unprepared for.

But let me tell you that Psalm 18:28 is true!

            “The Lord my God illumines my darkness.”

He was there with us in that foreign hospital room, during all the tests, and the diagnosis…and He has not stopped walking with us on this road of special needs.

My prayer list keeps getting longer with names of so many who are hurting and struggling through various sudden changes.

Gary’s cousin, now a much-too-young widower whose precious wife collapsed and was gone.

A friend’s daughter…a young wife and mother…fighting cancer.

A cousin and a friend recently widowed.

Jobs ended.

Marriages over.

Cancer returning.

Listen to what else David says in Psalm 27:1:

            “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?”

God brightens the unknown!

His light shines brightest in the dark.

His character positively glows in our deepest hurts and with our tear-stained cheeks.

And we have no reason to fear because He is fighting for us.  Psalm 27:1 continues:

            “The Lord is the defense of my life; whom shall I dread?”

I love the song, Blessings, by Laura Story.  Read the lyrics:

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand

To ease our suffering

And all the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things.

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?

What if Your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your word is not enough

And all the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we’d have faith to believe.

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops?

What if Your healing comes through tears?

And what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?

And what if trials of this life

Are Your mercies in disguise?

I saw this beautiful scene a short time later, after the scary dark clouds had gone away, and I was reminded that God is still our light and our salvation.

Don’t fear, dear ones.  God is still there in the clouds, and He WILL illumine your darkness with His sweet presence.