God Sees When I Cannot

Here was Aaron yesterday morning:

No, he didn’t have a seizure.  He was just having a very hard time waking up to start his day.  It takes patience and wisdom on my part to deal with him when he wants to sleep late.  Sleepy Aaron is almost always grouchy Aaron.

A scenario like this isn’t life changing.  But lately, Aaron has been unsettled and extra-easily upset.  Is it the new little member of our family that he is struggling to accept?  Is he trying to establish his place of importance at home and at his day group?  Side effects of the meds he takes?  Or just the way his autistic brain functions in our world which is not always his world?

Probably some of all the above.

It’s been wearing on Gary and me lately.  Tiring.

I walked back to my desk after several treks into Aaron’s room. 

It hit me how crazy it is that at my age I am still actively parenting our son.  This is not at all how I ever imagined my life would be.

Don’t get me wrong.  I realize how very blessed I am in so many ways. 

But some days I wonder…

It’s easy to get mired down in the stress and frustrations, to the point that I lose sight of the path.

I feel much like Job, which I just read that morning.

          “Behold, I go forward but He is not there,

          And backward, but I cannot perceive Him;

          When He acts on the left, I cannot behold Him;

          He turns on the right, I cannot see Him.”  (Job 23:8-9)

It’s not just the path that I lose sight of.  Sometimes it’s God Himself that I cannot see.

Our emotions have a way of doing that to us. 

Our disappointments can blind us to God in our everyday lives.

BUT!!!

          “BUT He knows the way that I take…”  (Job 23:10)

I may lose sight of God in front of me or behind me…to my left or to my right.

BUT…God knows the way I take!

God hasn’t lost sight of me!

That word “knows” in Hebrew means “designates.”

The word “way” means the “course of life.”

God has designated the course of my life. 

God IS love and I know deep in my heart that His every plan for me is designed and wrapped in His love for me.

God also knows that I am but human…weak…questioning…fearful…sometimes angry.

Questions come easily when I am vulnerable.

Why does Aaron have to suffer?

Could You not have found another way to grow me, Lord?

If I allow myself to keep going down those paths, though, I will soon be off the path that God has for me.

That’s never a good place to be.

I need to be like Job, who in all his terrible suffering still said:

          “My foot has held fast to His path;

          I have kept His way and have not turned aside.

          I have not departed from the command of His lips;

          I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my

          necessary food.”   (Job 23:11-12)

Some days and many moments I don’t FEEL like I am holding fast to God or treasuring the words of His mouth.

But deep, deep in my heart I know that I do desire God’s will and God’s way.

We all go through the tough times, don’t we?  Some are brief.  Too many are prolonged…lifelong.

Oh God, show us every day that even when we can’t see You…You see us!

You appoint our path, hard as it often is.

Because in the hard is where we do more clearly see Your hand.

We feel your breath upon our faces as we wait before You, drying our tears and strengthening our failing hearts.

Then may we be able to say with Job:

          “When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” 

Author: Patty hesaidwhatks

I'm Patty and I write about our adult son who has Epilepsy and Autism, who still lives with my husband and me, and who is a package full of many surprises and joys and challenges and TALK! Lots of talking, which creates laughter and some other reactions as well. I also write about how God shows Himself to me in everyday life.

30 thoughts on “God Sees When I Cannot”

  1. Aaron is so blessed to have you. And you are not alone in struggles. I struggle with marriage. Our resident dove is struggling with the cold Arizona temps and wind in her nest while trying to keep her eggs warm. God is always with us and I love how you remind me in your beautiful post. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Marla. Aaron might question on some days whether he is blessed to have me. 🙂 But really, everybody is struggling – many in ways that I can’t imagine. I sure do need constant reminders in my own life that God sees me and has me on His intended path for me. May you know His peace each day!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “It hit me how crazy it is that at my age I am still actively parenting our son. This is not at all how I ever imagined my life would be.” Bless you so much. I can tell that this is a difficult situation, probably more than I imagine, and yet your blogs are always full of grace, and full of praise 💖

    Liked by 1 person

  3. There is much to gain from Job’s words as he experienced such hardship.
    It makes it a bit easier to know we aren’t alone in our struggles, and that we can encourage one another along. I’m thankful God is always higher than our sometimes lowly feelings.
    You set such a beautiful example of God’s love as you share your life with Aaron through the blog. Thankful for you, friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Patty, your transparency in this post resonates with readers because we can all identify with the feelings you beautifully expressed, “Sometimes it’s God Himself that I cannot see. . . Our disappointments can blind us to God in our everyday lives.”
    You encourage us by sharing the eternal Hope that sustains you. God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Poignant and beautiful, Patty. You inspire me! Even though your life-pathway is rough terrain, you affirm that God loves you and Aaron, He knows what He’s doing, and your deepest desire is to follow His ways and come forth as gold. Our Father most certainly delight in you, Patty, for your determination in the face of discouragement, and continuing, sacrificial love in the face of exhaustion!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate your encouragement and friendship, Nancy. I feel like I fail so often but I’m thankful for God’s faithfulness to me and for how He continues to speak to me so sweetly in His Word.

      Like

      1. These words of Ruth Graham encourage me when my failures want front-and-center stage. Perhaps they’ll be an encouragement to you also. Patty: “When thoughts of my failures push their way into my consciousness, I let His total forgiveness dissolve my regrets, and go on to praise Him who accepts us just as we are and lovingly works to make us more than we are. He doesn’t expect us to be finished products now.” Isn’t that glorious and comforting news?!

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  6. When all is well with my children, all is well with me. When my children suffer, I suffer more. That’s how it is for us mothers, isn’t it? It’s so hard not to worry about our kids no matter how old they are. But we know that the Lord is right by our side. He knows our pain, but He says to cast our cares on Him. I pray that you will know the comfort only He can provide. Sending love, hugs, and prayers. I love this: “God IS love and I know deep in my heart that His every plan for me is designed and wrapped in His love for me.” Blessings, Patty!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is wonderful Patty! Thank you for the encouraging reminder that even when we don’t see God, He sees us. God is good to us. May God continue to strengthen you and your family. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Aaron is sleeping good lol! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thank you Patty for putting into words what it looks like to walk the path where emotions grow gargantuan and blind us to God in everyday life. I’m guilty of pretending I’m not on that path when deep down I know full well that I’m racing blindly down it trying hard as I might to keep out of the grasp of those giant emotions. Your words “We feel your breath upon our faces as we wait before You, drying our tears and strengthening our failing hearts” were such a comfort to read.

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  9. Patty, your heartfelt-and sometimes raw-blogs are such a balm to so many of us. As parents we know this love mingled with heartache. Thank you for obediently sharing your heart and what you learn about God’s wisdom and compassion to help us as we journey through parenthood. Your words “We feel your breath upon our faces as we wait before You, drying our tears and strengthening our failing hearts” is so powerful, meaningful, and beautiful. I will keep this image in my heart. Lately, there are days I find the sting of parenting overwhelming and distressful. The Lord has comforted me with the power of His word. “Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” (Psalm‬ ‭27‬:‭14‬ ‭ESV‬‬) I have found new wisdom every day this week as I read this verse. I thank the LORD for His word and for friends like you, Patty, who candidly share their heart and remind us to flow back to Him.

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    1. Thank you for sharing YOUR heart and that powerful verse, Cecilia. All of us have our struggles and our stings in life, as you said. It surely can be overwhelming. The verse you shared reminds me of how many times I have to tell Aaron to wait when I tell him that we’re going to do something. He gets very impatient! But I’m so much the same way with God. What you shared is just what I need to hear. Thank you! Many blessings, Cecilia. And I pray that your husband is doing well.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are so sweet to always ask about Danny. Thank you! ❤️ He does feel well and yet his cancer markers still throw up red flags. The oncologist said if the number rises again Danny will go through tests in May. We both feel in our hearts all is well. It does keep us tethered to God which is not a bad thing for sure.

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