Category: Family

Flowers For Mom

Sometimes when we’re out shopping Aaron will pass some flowers and he’ll tell me of a day that he was at a store with Paradigm, and that he saw flowers and that he wanted to buy them for me.  I always tell him that this is very sweet but that he doesn’t have that much money, and that even if he did he shouldn’t spend it on flowers for me. 

Aaron doesn’t really seem like a flower kind of guy.  He likes to show me artichokes and eggplant, or a jar of pig’s feet, or a skeleton in the Halloween display.  He brings home all manner of things in his pockets which he pulls out to show me………from plastic rats to pens.   Some items I make him return to Paradigm because I’m sure he pilfered them without permission.  He has given me unusual rocks that he finds in parking lots or at the park, and sometimes a strange piece of ornamental grass from the zoo that I know he should not have picked.  But he does, and in his pocket it goes, and he’s just sure that Mom will be so happy that he was thinking of her. 

So last week when I heard the door bang open announcing Aaron’s arrival home from Paradigm, and I met him in the kitchen, I was more than a little skeptical when I saw what he clutched in his hand.  It was a small bouquet of pretty flowers which he thrust out to me and said, “Here, Mom.”  I had no choice but to grab them as he quickly handed them to me and then hurried past me as he headed to his room.  He gave no explanation and certainly showed no emotion as he quickly gave me the flowers. 

“Wait, Aaron,” I said.  “Where did you get these?”  All sorts of scenarios were entering my mind.  Did he take them from Dillon’s or Wal-Mart?  Surely not.  Did he grab them from someone’s desk at Paradigm as he went out the door to come home?  But they hadn’t been crammed in his pocket, and I knew that his driver must have seen them.  I was puzzled. 

“Barb let me have them,” he answered.  I was still confused as Aaron tried to explain that Barb really had let him have some flowers.  They must have been flowers that she had received and that she shared with Aaron, I reasoned.  I told Aaron to wait while I went downstairs and grabbed a vase.  I let him watch me put the flowers and water in the vase, and then I placed them carefully in just the perfect spot.  I thanked him warmly and gave him a big hug, which he halfheartedly accepted.  He was in a hurry to get upstairs, to change clothes, and to get on his computer.  As he walked away, I had my phone in hand and immediately texted Barb.  I just had to know the real story, and to be sure that she wasn’t missing some flowers.

Sure enough, Barb confirmed that she had given Aaron the flowers so that he could bring them home to me.  I thanked her and then told her that I hoped she didn’t take them from something that was for her.  Her reply was a smiley face and then she said, “Enjoy how sweet it is that he wants to bring you flowers.”

How touching!  How very sweet of Barb to not only see that Aaron got his wish of giving Mom flowers, but to see that I was given a happy heart by this gift from my son who can’t just run to the store and grab flowers for Mom whenever he wants.  I’m still not sure how it all came about, but I was doubly blessed on that day.

 
And Aaron?  He was pleased that he finally got to bring me some bona fide flowers……..not just a piece of ornamental grass or a dandelion or a flower pulled from the bush in our yard.  These flowers were the real deal.  He showed them to Gary when he got home, but all in all Aaron didn’t show a great deal of outward excitement about the flowers.  This is so typical of Aaron.  Just do the deed and move on to the next thing, showing little emotion or fanfare.

Yet I know he was very happy to bring me flowers, and he was very happy that I was very happy.  He’s just not going to express it with smiles and conversation and hugs like we do.  But I know that deep in that mind of his, he is very aware of the pleasure he gave his mom and of the love that was returned to him. 

And deep in my mind, I’ll carry with me the picture of Aaron charging through the door with the flowers gripped in his hand……….and then those flowers thrust out to me as he hurriedly said, “Here, Mom.”

His wish was fulfilled……….and I will continue to enjoy how sweet it is that Aaron wants to bring me flowers. 

 

Another Birthday…..Something Old and Something New

This past Friday was Aaron’s birthday – his number 29, to be exact.  That seems so strange to me, thinking that next year he’ll be 30 years old!  He loves his birthday, and weeks before the big day he’s already planning it.  Well, planning where to eat, most of all………..and then talking about gift ideas.  For a long time he wanted to go to Cracker Barrel for dinner, which would be the third year in a row.  But one day a few weeks ago he said, “Mom, I decided I want to go to that Mexican restaurant.”  I asked him which one and he answered, “You know, the one with those Mexican dancers.”  Mexican dancers?  I was trying to remember where on earth we had been that he had seen Mexican dancers……..and how I could have missed the Mexican dancers………when it hit me. 

“Aaron, do you mean Texas Roadhouse?”  I asked him.  “Yeah,” he replied.  “You remember those Mexican dancers there?”  I proceeded to explain the difference in Mexican and cowboy, wondering where he got the Mexican theme from other than an old cowboy movie filmed near Mexico.  Anyway, we got that figured out and so Texas Roadhouse it was.

Of course, Aaron wanted Rosie and her mom and dad to come.  And he invited staff from Paradigm, so Misty got to be there as well.  He’s so funny, planning and talking and looking forward to his special day so much.  But when the day is finally here, he really doesn’t seem all that excited.  He gives a little embarrassed chuckle at all the “Happy Birthday, Aaron!” greetings, or a quick smile as he ducks his head and walks away.  He tolerates the annual birthday picture with our traditional birthday banner.  It’s like he wants to check things off his “My Birthday Is Finally Here” list……and then just get on with normal life.  When he walked in the door after getting home from Paradigm, he saw the wrapped gifts and the cards laying on the table, but he didn’t even act like he noticed them. 

 
He talked for a few minutes about his day, and then told me to come and get him when it was time to leave for Texas Roadhouse.  Soon he was on his computer, unwinding and returning to his world for a few minutes.  He got off happily when it was time to go, the thoughts of restaurant food making him willing to leave his game.  It was a nice evening full of juggling conversation and food with him and with Rosie, and us adults fitting in some words whenever we could.  I loved watching him and Rosie sitting beside each other, across from me, and enjoying their friendship……..done their way. 

 
I was reminded of what Aaron said to me a few days earlier about a conversation he had with one of his staff.  “I asked Andrew why Rosie likes me.  He said she doesn’t talk to many people but she likes to talk to me.”  I told him that was very nice and so he continued, “But that makes me embarrassed……….like………married?”  He thought for a minute and then finished by saying, “I’m not a person to marry.”

Dear Aaron, always worried about this marriage thing.   I assured him that being special friends doesn’t mean marriage, and now as he sat beside Rosie during his birthday dinner I was just happy to see them being who they are.  This means that they didn’t talk much to each other at all.  Aaron was busy stuffing as many rolls in his mouth as he could muster after being sure I had spread the PLAIN butter on them from edge to edge, and being sure I scraped ALL the ranch dressing out of the little container for his salad, and eating peanuts during each free moment, and talking as much as he possibly could.  Rosie was coloring some with her nice colored pencils that she loves, and holding the pencils when not coloring, and reminding first Misty and then her Mom to tell about this and tell about that. 
 

Rosie was excited to give Aaron his gift, and typical Aaron didn’t act near as excited to receive it.  He opened the gifts from Rosie and from Misty, and he sort of said thanks, but he had rolls to eat and chicken critters to chew on……..and opening gifts, while fun, means he has to do that embarrassing thank you, after all.  Deep down he’s pleased with gifts, but he wants to keep those emotions deep down and not put them out there for all to see. 

 
 
I loved it when I told Rosie and Aaron that I wanted to take their picture together, and immediately Rosie put her arm around Aaron.  She did that last year, too.  It’s just so genuine and real……..and is something Aaron would not do.  Soon it was time to go, and Aaron barely said goodbye or thanks to anyone.  He was off to his next assignment that needed to be checked off his list………opening presents at home.  He got through that in good order, moving from one to the other with little emotion but definitely taking it all in.   Gary and I laughed at the funny cards, but we had to make Aaron stop to fully read them and to notice how comical they were.  He was moving from point A to point B to point C……….enjoying the cards and the gifts but definitely nearing overload.  We made sure he reopened Rosie’s and Misty’s gifts and cards so he could realize what they were all about.  Soon, though, he was off to his room.  No time or desire to sit there and linger over some nice conversation with Mom and Dad, and too full for any of the apple pie I had made him. 

He got into his pajamas as quickly as he could, and immersed himself in his game before thumping downstairs a few times to talk awhile.  His weekend was nice as well, with a little shopping, a little pizza, a little apple pie, a little time with Mom and Dad and Jackson, and just life as Aaron likes it. 

I went in his room on Saturday night to say it was time for bed and time for me to take his keyboard.  He was just finishing up his new movie that he got for his birthday…….Pacific Rim.  A few minutes later I stuck my head back in his room and was not at all surprised to see him completely absorbed in watching the credits.  I’ve told about how he watches movies from the very beginning to the very end.  The very, very end with the picture of the lion and the minuscule print. 

This is another part of life as Aaron likes it, so I just smiled and walked away until the movie…….in Aaron’s opinion…….was totally over.  Nothing new here.

Well, this morning there was something new.  Aaron has been getting up early in the mornings, but today he slept until a little after 8:00.  As we were getting ready to leave later to meet his group, Aaron said, “Mom, today I got up at 8:06………which was new!”

That, to Aaron, is indeed something new under the sun and worth noting.   
And that, to me, is something to be expected and worthy of a smile. 

I Held A Butterfly

 

I’ve had a bit of an up-and-down weekend for several reasons – finding myself sometimes nostalgic as I think of Gary’s and my role as parents to our three wonderful children.  It’s been the most fulfilling calling of our lives, that’s for sure.  Sometimes challenging, too, as it is for every parent.  Now Andrea and Andrew have moved to other states as they pursue their own callings at this point in their lives………..Andrea in grad school studying genetics, and Andrew living his dream of working for a professional NHRA drag race team. 

 

And we have life with our special Aaron, still living at home and treating us to his unique view of life every single day………whether we totally relish his unique view or not.  For at times his unique take on life may be funny……..or it may be interesting………..or eye-opening………..or tiring……….or maddening.   But never dull.  Never, ever dull.

 

This morning Aaron followed me outside where I was picking up some small branches and sticks that had blown out of our trees.  Aaron was happy that Jackson was out with us, too, as we said goodbye to Gary when he left for work and I continued to look around the yard for more sticks.  Soon I heard Aaron say, “Mom!  There’s a butterfly!”  I turned around to look and there I saw Aaron holding the butterfly in his hand.  He was looking at this beautiful butterfly with awe, just as a small child would do.  Therefore, I did the same………bending over Aaron’s outstretched hand as we both admired the intricate markings and brilliant colorings of this special little creature.  It’s something I probably would not have been doing on this pretty morning had it not been for Aaron.

 

I’ve been thinking about that a lot today.  Last night Gary and I talked to Andrea for a long time about her thesis research……..about the rapid sequencing machine that she is privileged to be using………about her research being presented to the DOD……….about her research being published…………about where she might apply for her PhD studies in genetics……….and so much more.  Andrea’s very interesting studies have opened up a whole new world to Gary and me.

 

With Andrew, it’s been so much fun to experience the world of professional NHRA racing.  It’s been pretty amazing to get an inside view of this life through visiting him as he worked at the race in Texas and then to talk to him about his new life……….the traveling………the drivers and their crews……the inside stories and insights……….the new things he’s experiencing and learning………watching him on television…….and for us to stand in the winner’s circle in Texas while I got to hold the winning trophy, a Wally, for real!

 

And just this morning, I held a butterfly, for real!   I got to stand in our driveway and have Aaron show me his wonderful butterfly, and then let him gently slide the butterfly into my hand so that I could experience holding him myself.  Aaron was as thrilled with this experience as Andrea is with her research and as Andrew is with his job in the NHRA.  Once again, I am reminded of the importance of perspective in these matters, and of how true this perspective is in so many areas of life.  My attitude, my perspective, makes a huge difference in how I view these matters. 

 

In sharing life with Aaron, the seemingly small things become big and important.  Sometimes that’s a good thing………and sometimes not so good.  But just like I am excited about Andrea’s and Andrew’s accomplishments and their lives, I want to also be excited about Aaron’s……….or at least appreciative of Aaron’s life, and often downright awed……..I hope.

 

This wonder that is Aaron……….it’s in a butterfly in the driveway.

 

It’s in him putting his plastic Halloween rat on the dashboard last night as we drove to Sonic for his milkshake………and him hoping that the cashier would surely notice it!

 

It’s in exuberantly asking if the Buffaloes beat the Chiefs in football.  The Buffaloes?

 

It’s in being very excited to be in Papa Murphy’s as we ordered pizza on Saturday……and instantly picking up the container of red pepper, telling me that he put red pepper on his Target pizza the day before.   “It was full of hotness, Mom!!”

 

It’s in the joy of playing a simple game of Skip-Bo.

 

It’s in him sleeping with Mr. Snake that he took from Andrea’s room.

 

It’s in him meticulously writing down the times that he goes to bed every night and the times that he gets up every morning in his special notebook………even when he’s groggy from a seizure.

 

It’s in the necklace that he made for me and that he loved seeing me wear.

 

It’s in plopping on the floor in the middle of the vet’s office to pet Kato, the resident cat.

 

It’s in wearing his slipper socks AND slippers, even with shorts, and not caring one whit how he looks.

 

It’s in happily buying Gary a treat at the grocery store.

 

It’s in watching Wheel of Fortune………and yes, even with his VERY loud clapping and yelling.

 

It’s in his childish excitement about his upcoming birthday.

 

It’s in his pure delight with anything and everything that is even one iota out of the norm…………and him not knowing that he is just that…..out of the norm – unique and amazing.

 

It’s in his final good night hug……either because it’s so sweet……..or it’s because I’m so tired that the hug makes me that much closer to quiet sleep.

 

It’s that last knock on our bedroom door to check for one last time on the weather………and the outdoor temperature………..and whether it’s going to rain during the night…………..and will there be lightening……….and thunder……….and should he leave his blinds up………and he might not read before bed……..

 

It’s one of many reasons that we lock our bedroom door.

 

But not our hearts.  I hope we never lock our hearts to Aaron and to all that he teaches us and opens our eyes to every single day.

Walking With Dad

Every autumn when we were young, when the leaves were vibrantly colored and the mountain air was crisp in my home state of West Virginia, Dad would set aside a Sunday afternoon for our annual long trek through the woods.  I’m sure that Mary Beth, John, Jan, and Kathryn remember that special tradition as well.  Dad would take us up in the woods behind our old house in the Elmore addition and off we would all go, following Dad as he led us on the road or the path through the trees.  Dad worked six days a week, so I know it was a sacrifice of his time  to take us on this outing.  He would point out the various trees by name, telling us interesting facts about each species.  He would stop and tell us to be very quiet as we listened to the forest sounds around us.  We would listen expectantly………waiting……….waiting……….until we heard the unique chirping of a squirrel, or the rustling leaves caused by a hopping rabbit, or the unmistakable shrill of a Blue Jay or a hawk.  Dad wanted us to not only have fun on this walk, but to see and to learn from all that was around us. 
 
Eventually we would end the day sitting on the ground of a sloping hillside, enjoying the wonderful sunshine and fresh air…………and time together as a family; although that is a treasure that is relished now, I’m sure, more than it was at that particular time.  I don’t remember how long we were in the woods.  Time was irrelevant as a child.  It seemed like forever, but I’m sure it wasn’t all that long.  I do know that if I had been in those woods alone, I would have been terrified.  But with my dad leading the way, and with my siblings around me, I never had a doubt or fear.  I was secure and carefree, loving the experience and trusting in the guidance of my dad. 
 
I’m thinking of all this because I was reading Psalm 5 this morning.  David is in a very bad predicament here, even dangerous.  He talks about the importance of preparing his prayers and the importance of knowing the God to Whom he is praying………and then in verse 8 he begins to pray.  “Lord (Yahweh), lead me in Your righteousness because of those lurking for me; make Your way straight before me.” 
 
David is asking God to lead him in the right way – that’s the first request he makes.  God, show me the way to go……..the right way.  And why?  Because all around there is danger.  There are enemies who want to trip him up, even to kill him.  But isn’t it interesting that David first asked to be led in the right way before he asked to be led in the safe way?  And that David didn’t ask to be delivered OUT of the way of the hard stuff, but to be led IN the right way IN the midst of the hard stuff.  “Make Your way straight before me” doesn’t sound like David was asking for a detour around the situation, but a straight way through it.
 
We’re all on a path, and many times it isn’t too rosy.  When it leads through the dark woods of suffering and anguish, we can easily lose sight of our Guide.  Sometimes we need to just stop and listen…………….listening for what it is God wants to say to us and to show us.  There may be times that we don’t hear anything at all, but we can pray.  Like Dale Ralph Davis says, “Sometimes we may not be fully aware of all the details – not know all the particular dangers or various pitfalls, nor even the precautions required.  Sometimes it looks like there are no roads in what’s ahead of us.  But we can pray verse 8.”
 
Lord, lead me in the right way………because of all the junk that is pulling me down.  Make your way straight……….through all the questions and the hurt and the loneliness and the darkness.  Step by step, just lead me on the straight path in front of me step by step.  There are times I wish I had all the answers, either for myself or for others, but I don’t.  Yet I do know that I need to take one step…….then another step……….then one more………and all the time, ask God to lead each of my steps in the right way.  I wish life was full of fun, but sadly that isn’t the case.  Yet in the hard times, there are things to learn and growing to be done. 
 
My Guide is totally trustworthy, even when He doesn’t explain why He’s leading me down this particular path.  I know that He loves me and that He’ll take care of me………even though at times I have fear of all the unknown that is around me.  Other times I’m even angry because the path is too difficult and I’m tired.  But still I can pray:  “God, lead me in the right way because there are so many enemies lurking on the other ways.  Make Your way straight before me.”
 
Someday I’ll sit down and rest, looking back on the path through the woods and thinking of all the lessons learned.  And realizing that God did indeed lead me in the right way and the straight way.

 

 

Just like my dad.

I Have The Name Aaron

Today was dentist appointment day for Aaron – time for his four month check up and cleaning.  Yes, he goes every four months because his dental cleaning skills are not at the top of his list of priorities.  And for Aaron, today was GO OUT TO EAT LUNCH AND GO TO WAL-MART DAY……….with a little unwelcome side trip to the dentist to mess things up a bit.  The dentist visit was a necessary evil that he had to endure in order to obtain his chief objectives.

Aaron does fine at the dentist, although that’s easy for me to say as I sit in the waiting room…….far away from Aaron’s open mouth.  I used to go back with him for his visits in order to just give him the comfort of my presence, to rub his arm and keep him calm,  and to be able to rescue the hygienist if needed.  Aaron actually has always done well at these visits but there have been times that he has gotten a little impatient and wiggly……….and borderline hateful.  Once he shook his fist in the air.  Only once, at least that I know of.  I put an end to that very quickly with the promise of NO lunch out and NO Wal-Mart if he did that again. 

Now I don’t go back in the exam room with Aaron.  I’ve convinced him that he’s grown up enough to do this dental visit on his own.  It would be nice, though, to just be near Aaron when he has his mouth open and no words coming out.  But he does great without me……….except  he told me during lunch today that he accidentally bit the hygienist’s finger while she was working on him.  Oh my!  I asked what she said and he told me that she said, “Ouch.”  Hmmmm…….I wonder if I should call and check on her.  She didn’t seem hurt when she came out with Aaron to talk to me.  Anyway, Aaron had no cavities, and his teeth were fairly clean, so we left happy.

And Aaron left with something in his hand that he had taken off the counter while I made his next appointment.  I thought it was a free calendar, but when we got in the van and I looked at it, I saw that it was a whole pad of coupons.  I told him that we don’t need all those dozens of the same coupons, and he said, “But Mom, they’re coupons and I want to cut them out.”  Oh good grief, Aaron!  So back in the office we marched and we returned the pad of coupons, much to the laughter and delight of the nice staff……..who also gave us two Wendy’s Frosty coupons.  Aaron wasn’t that impressed with those, though, because they are already cut out.  As we once again walked out, I told the staff to check their purses…….you never know what else Aaron may have taken.  I haven’t gotten a call yet so maybe we’re good.

We stopped at TGI Friday’s for lunch, for which I had a coupon…….one of three that Aaron had already torn apart on those serrated lines that he can’t resist.  Sigh.  Aaron chose chicken tenders to eat after making sure that they were boneless…………a salad with Ranch dressing, and even an extra dressing on the side that he dumped immediately on his salad even as I was telling him that it was extra IF he needed it…………and French fries.  He hopped up before his food came and before I could stop him he had gone to the front counter for his required toothpicks.  Fourteen.  He got fourteen toothpicks……..and when he offered to return them to the waitress later, she kindly told him that he could keep them. 


As the meal was winding down, our waitress asked if Aaron would need a box……but soon she returned and saw that Aaron had eaten every bite.  She commented on the fact that we wouldn’t need a box after all, and Aaron said, “I’m sorry I ate it all.  I’m sorry!”  So we both assured him that it was fine for him to eat it all, and he was happily relieved.  Our waitress was very nice, but I imagine she was a little puzzled.  Aaron tends to have that effect.

Off we headed to Wal-Mart, where the first thing I did was direct Aaron to the bath section.  I had promised him a buff-puff on a stick and he was excited to buy one.  Later, as our items were being rung up, Aaron told the cashier, “My mom bought me a puff ball on a stick!”  He further explained to her that he couldn’t reach his back in the shower and that now he could.  As he loaded our bags in the cart there at the register, he heard someone yell out the name Aaron.  He put his hand over his heart in shock and looked quite alarmed, which made me laugh as I assured him that it was another Aaron being summoned.  He told the smiling cashier, in a rather breathless voice, “I have the name Aaron.”  She and I both smiled, and I had the feeling that she was rather enjoying her unusual customer with the name of Aaron.

We walked past the nail salon, which so interests Aaron and which he has wanted to visit. “Mom, I heard they have men in there.”  Who knows?  Maybe someday I’ll let him try it…….but NO polish!  And soon after that you would have found Aaron and me looking down through a large grate in the parking lot at the drainage pipe that so fascinates Aaron.  He excitedly told me about the pipe he recently saw in Old Town that was “pushing water up out!!”  And I wondered what people thought of us standing there looking down through that grate, but I didn’t really care because I was having fun with my special boy.

Aaron loves reading personalized license plates, and trying to guess what they mean.  As we drove away from Wal-Mart, the car in front of us had the name “Wurtz” on their plate.  “Look at that license plate, Mom!” he exclaimed.  “That’s the stuff on your face!”  

“No, Aaron,” I said through my laughter. “That would be warts.” 

Wait!  Did he mean MY face?!

We stopped at the vet for dog food, where Aaron had to share the “Wurtz” and “warts” story with Charla as she rung up our dog food.  And Aaron got to pet Kato the cat, who was just shaved and looked so adorable with her puffy tail and legs and face……..and who promptly gave Aaron a few little bites when he wouldn’t quit picking her up.  As we left, Aaron happily told Charla about his good report from the dentist…….clean teeth and no cavities!  “Do you ever have the dentist say your teeth are clean?” he asked her.

Oh Aaron!  Time to go home!  You need to keep your mouth busy with your bubble gum tape I bought you.  Or your Sour Cream and Onion Pringles.  Or your flavored water. 

Yeah, it was a fun time for Aaron at Wal-Mart for sure.   And a fun day for me with our boy that has the name Aaron.

Some Saturday Morning Smiles

Aaron was up early again this morning.  I mean very early, long before Gary and I were out of bed………and we don’t sleep late.  I heard Aaron on his monitor, so I reached over to turn it off and hoped to catch a few more winks.  Jackson had already gotten me up during the night to go outside, and I had still been awake to see the shining of my digital clock at 12:30 something……….so I was moving very slowly when I finally went downstairs a little after 7:00.

But not Aaron.  No………Aaron was chipper and happy and full of talk.  I was mostly non-verbal at this pre-coffee stage, but Aaron didn’t care.  He stood outside the bathroom door talking to me, and I knew it was going to be one of those mornings.  I sometimes feel like I still have small children between the dog getting me up some nights, and Aaron arising early, full of chatter and questions and much information that he wants to share….whether I want it or not. 

I was at the one syllable word stage as I sipped a cup of coffee, but Aaron wasn’t fazed.  He told me that he was hungry, even after eating a bowl of cereal when he got up very, very early.  He asked for tomato soup.  Tomato soup at 7:30 in the morning?  Yes, tomato soup, he said.  Well, that was easy enough, and he was even happier and more full of talk as he slurped his soup and I slurped my coffee.
 
“Mom!” he blurted, “the day before last night I was reading about that place during war.  It’s in Texas!”  This brought a small smile to my face.  The day before last night.  As if reading my mind, he clarified by telling me that it was Thursday night that he read about that place in Texas during war.  “The Alamo?” I asked.   “That’s it!” he said.  “I bet Andrea would know all about that!”………..as if Andrea living in Texas would now make her an expert on the Alamo.  I’m fairly certain that sometime Aaron will ask Andrea all about the Alamo, too. 

Maybe it was partly the coffee, but Aaron’s way of expressing himself was also  responsible for my smile.   I was warming up to this morning, and especially to sharing it with Aaron.  I’m used to some quiet time before he gets up, but lately that’s changed.  I may as well be thankful that he was in a good mood, and then decide to share that mood with him. 

Soon my smile was even bigger.  Something made Aaron think about having pets, which made him remember a conversation he recently had with Barb at Paradigm.  “Mom,” he said, “Barb, she does not have pets……….but she just has those children.” 

I laughed out loud at this one.  Oh Aaron, you do have a way of saying things.  Yes, you do.

Later, we were up in his room looking for his missing wallet when I noticed this in his trash can.

It’s the large container of Sunburst tomatoes from Sam’s.  We had eaten a few but there was almost a whole container full when they were last seen on the kitchen counter the night before.  I hadn’t even missed them this morning, but there was the evidence in Aaron’s trash can.  I held up the empty container and asked Aaron if he had eaten them all.  He sheepishly said that he had eaten them the night before……….every single one.  That might explain his frequent bathroom trips this morning.

He went on to explain, “Mom, I was really hungry last night!  My stomach……..it’s like it was flat in!”  

He further emphasized what it’s like to have a “flat-in stomach” from such severe hunger.  And then he asked, “Mom?  Have you ever had a flat-in stomach?” 

OK.  Conversation over.  I know where this will lead………and the talk earlier in the week of how I would look in Vanna White’s skinny dresses was still fresh on my mind. 

I made my escape without answering the question………and I’m still smiling at my morning with Aaron.  It’s more than the coffee, too.  It’s just Aaron being Aaron that’s made my morning brighter.  

You Don’t Want Me Still Talking

I’ve been thinking about the past few days with Aaron, and how he takes the most normal of things and makes them uniquely his own.  He gives so many things a different twist and often we end up laughing……..or shaking our heads in frustration.  One thing is for sure – it’s hard to be a step ahead of Aaron.  Usually I’m running to catch up to him!

This past Saturday morning, Gary and I ate breakfast with Aaron as we listened to him talk.  He was very happy that I had fixed his favorite biscuits, and even happier that the blessing Dad asked wasn’t very long so that he could dig in quickly……….all the while keeping an eye on the pan of biscuits in the kitchen, hoping that no one would claim any more of them and they would all be his.  As I later cleaned up the kitchen, I turned around to find Aaron holding the small gourd that Rosie’s mom, Louise, had given me from their garden.  Of course, Aaron had noticed it sitting in the kitchen because it’s unusual and bumpy.  Aaron was walking out of the kitchen, headed to his room with the little gourd that he had claimed as his own……..without asking.  I stopped him and we had a conversation about the gourd and where I got it and what it is and could he have it………so I said yes.  He’s so delighted by the simplest of things.  Plus, he had experienced a rough time at his day group the day before so I was hoping to give him a happy weekend.  If the gourd helped us accomplish that, then so be it.


Aaron knows that we usually change his sheets on Saturday, so he was very happy that I went up to his room at the same time that he did and that I asked if he wanted to do this sheet changing job now.  He prefers to do it early in the day instead of often having to wait on me to get to it later.  It hangs over his head all day, so finishing it early was a good thing for him.  It had rained the night before, so Aaron pointed to the raindrops still on his window as he said, “Mom, look at the dots on the window!” 

He told me how he read about the Boston Tea Party in his Handy History Answer Book the night before.  He had some questions about what kind of tea was at this party and what made them throw it in the water, so as I tried to explain what had happened I told him that the tea tax was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  I know better than to use those sayings with Aaron.  He takes them quite literally, so soon I was explaining that there were no camels at that tea party that really wasn’t a tea party and that the camel wasn’t carrying straw and that his back didn’t break if he WAS a real camel and it’s just a saying and this is what it means……..oh, never mind.  Forget the camel. 

And by the way, Aaron, why is there an empty toilet paper roll under your bed……..and a bowl of Skittles?  And yes, we can plug in your disco light thingy and close your blinds and turn your light off while you play a computer game in your disco room.

  Yes, you can put the gourd on your bookshelf.  Yes, I’ll look at that one clip about whatever movie it is you’re watching or whatever game you’re playing.  Finally, after much more talking, I edged toward the door and said, “See you later, Aaron.” 


“Where are you going, Mom?” he asked.  I told him that I was going to take a shower, and he concisely replied, “You’re weird.”  So I asked him why on earth that was weird, and he answered, “Because you don’t want me still talking.”  Actually, escaping to the shower was a huge relief, but I knew that Aaron was very likely to stand outside my locked bedroom door and still talk as he so often does.  And who is the weird one anyway??

There were more simple things that made Aaron happy over the next few days, like going to Dillon’s and seeing the spooky house full of “smoke.”  That made him nearly as happy as his cheddar pasta salad and chicken tenders.  And taking Jackson on a walk, because I let him hold the leash the way that Zach did. 


He came in my room after taking his shower yesterday and asked, “Mom?  Can I have one of those string things with a puff ball on it?”  I knew exactly what he meant and I said that he could have one and he was very happy about that.  In fact, I suggested a buff puff on a stick because he could wash his back better with that………and he thought that a buff puff on a stick would be just too cool!

This morning on the way to meet his group, he talked about Napoleon after reading his history book last night on that subject.  He observed, “Mom, Napoleon’s war suit was different from other war suits.  It was fashioner!” 

You are so right, Aaron!  It was more fashioner than some of those other military guys.  I was thankful, too, that Aaron didn’t broach the topic of Vanna White’s clothing again today like he did the other day.  He and I love to see what new dress she is wearing when we watch Wheel of Fortune.  Aaron often wonders what I would look like in those dresses…….and I try to change the subject.  But the other day Aaron said, “Mom, those are real skinny dresses.”   Pause.   “Can you wear those?”   Pause.   “I don’t want to use the word fat, but you’re not as skinny as her.”

What did you say Saturday, Aaron?  Something about me not wanting you to talk?  Sometimes I wish!

Walking the Tightrope

I heard Aaron on the monitor early this morning, a little after 5:00.  I rolled over in bed so that I could hear better.  No, it wasn’t a seizure.  I listened for a couple more minutes and then knew that Aaron was awake.  Not only awake, but it sounded like he was out of bed.  Soon Gary got out of bed and went downstairs.  Aaron popped out of his room when he heard the footsteps and said, “Mom?”  But he knew it wasn’t Mom when he heard Gary’s voice, so he went back to his room while I listened again on the monitor.  Soon I got up, too, and went down to fill my coffee thermos.  I headed back upstairs and was in Andrea’s room, where my quite time desk is, and was quietly closing the door when once again Aaron quickly opened his bedroom door.
 
I was discovered!  He clomped up the hall and began to tell me about his head and stomach hurting.  His blood shot eyes also told a tale.  Aaron has started a new medicine this week, and every morning he has gotten up early……..much earlier than usual, but this morning was way too early.  Is it the medicine that is causing his sleep to be disrupted?  Does he really feel sick?  With Aaron it’s hard to tell because he tends to exaggerate aches and pains in order to either get sympathy or to be able to stay home from his day group. 
 
I ushered him back to his room while listening to him talk about not feeling well, and then he launched into a rundown of the latest movie that he’s watching.  I told him to hush about the movie, helped him take his sweater off, pulled back and straightened his covers, and finally talked him into getting in bed again over his protests that he wasn’t sleepy.  He kept talking.  “Aaron, Aaron,” I said.  “Just close your eyes and relax.  Don’t talk anymore about movies or about your head or stomach.  I bet you’ll go back to sleep.”  He wasn’t sold on that idea, but I could tell that he liked the feel of his multiple blankets on top of his tired body and that he was indeed relaxing.  I turned off his light and closed his door.
 
It wasn’t long before I could hear his steady breathing through the monitor.  Good!  He had fallen back asleep.  Hopefully he would stay in bed for a couple more hours, at least.  It was just a little over an hour later, as Gary was getting ready to leave for work, that I heard Aaron stirring and soon he was downstairs.  I waited in the kitchen to see what look was on his face…….what mood he was showing………when he came into the room with a smile.  Ah, relief!  He talked about not being able to sleep, about his head and stomach, and his movie once again……..but he was happy and I was hoping the pleasant mood would last.
 
“Mom!  I woke up at 5:09!  Why couldn’t I sleep?”  We talked about Aaron’s sleeplessness even as I reminded him that he did get an extra nap after he went back to bed.  I wanted him to feel rested and not to claim extreme tiredness as a reason to stay home today.  Soon I had talked him into eating some breakfast.  
I suggested boiled eggs and bacon, but he only wanted eggs.  He finally agreed to the bacon if I would make it crispy and not chewy.  Later he had his eggs and bacon along with his coffee as he was snuggled under his blanket watching a program on the DVR.  What a life!  Of course, the program he was watching was one that he started yesterday but he didn’t get to finish it.  Therefore, in true Aaron fashion, he started the recording over from the beginning.  He will NOT usually resume watching a program where he left off but will instead start all over from the beginning.  Some programs take several times to watch because of this regimented way of doing things.  He also presses the pause button every time he looks down at his plate to put food on his spoon or fork.  He cannot miss one second of his program………not one.  So it’s pause……scoop food……..look up…….press play……..chew and swallow……press pause…….scoop food……….
 
I mentioned this to Aaron this morning in a very matter-of-fact way so that he wouldn’t get defensive.  He confirmed that this is how he operates.  I just agreed with him and walked back in the kitchen as I left him to his pausing and playing, over and over and over.  There he sat, with his food and his multiple utensils and napkins and coffee………..with his particular way of watching his program………and his mother just smiling inwardly at this unusual son.
 
I got our supper in the crock pot and cleaned the kitchen while Aaron finished his pausing and chewing and playing.  He was very quiet, and I saw that his head was laying back though his eyes were open.  He got a little grouchy when I told him that I was going to shower, and that he should do likewise.  Later, I looked up the hall and saw that his door was closed.  When I knocked and then walked into his room, I saw him sitting at his desk, watching a movie on his computer.  Now his mood was different.  He was grouchy Aaron, and he let me know that he wanted me to leave him alone.  In fact, he took off his headphones and got up from his chair as he pointed to the sign that he had put on his door.
 
 
He was quite irritated that I had not seen the glaring sign………..the sign that told me to not only stay out, but to get lost.  Oh boy………here we go, I thought.  So I just told him that soon we would be leaving, and then I left his room as he closed the door behind me.  Surprisingly enough, the rest of the morning was pretty calm.  He allowed me in his room a few more times………he gladly let me help him with his belt………he listened while I explained that his tiredness was not my fault……….and he actually got ready to leave for his group without a fight.
 
He talked on the way to meet his ride about all the things that Aaron talks about, which is anything and everything that crosses his mind in that 10 minutes.  “Mom, I saw a boy walking a dog this morning.  That dog is full of fluffy fur!”   And off he went, only pausing for a brief comment here and there from me.  As we neared Quik Trip and the Paradigm van waiting in the parking lot, Aaron said, “Mom, tell them that I got up at 5:09.  Tell them about my stomach and my head and that I’m tired.”   I said, “So you want me to tell them that you got up a little after five?”  Of course, Aaron replied with impatience, “I got up at 5:09!!!!” 
 
Aaron played the part of being very tired as I conveyed to the driver that Aaron had gotten up at 5:09 and didn’t feel well, etc., etc.  He was satisfied then, got in the van, and off they went.  Off I went, too, driving to Sam’s and thinking of our morning.  I feel like I am walking a tightrope nearly every day.  Hearing that Aaron was up so early……..at 5:09!!…………..was how I started my tightrope walk today.  One foot gingerly in front of the other as I heard him stirring and then as I went downstairs, hoping that he wouldn’t hear me.  Silly me!  Of course he heard me.  I headed across my tightrope as he came out of his bedroom and as I helped him get back in bed.  I was steady on the rope as I heard Aaron sleeping again, but I wobbled when he came downstairs an hour later.
 
I kept my balance as I suggested breakfast and talked Aaron into eating something, and as we talked about his unique way of watching his recorded programs.  Things got tricky when I mentioned taking a shower and getting ready.  Then I really felt like I was going to fall off the rope when Aaron pointed me to his sign and abruptly shut his door again.  Wobble………get my balance………wobble………..get my balance.  Such is life with Aaron.
 
I couldn’t completely breathe a sigh of relief until I was driving away after conveying his message to the driver, being sure I got the 5:09 part correct.  This balancing act covers the complete spectrum of Aaron’s life………from serious new medicine issues and behavior problems and seizures………to whether he wants to eat a somewhat healthy breakfast or will refuse good food………to being told to stay out of his room.  Always balancing our decisions about Aaron and our direction with Aaron, wondering if we’re going to fall off that rope at any given time. 
 
We balance our reactions to Aaron as well, struggling to be patient and loving while knowing at times that we need to be firm and strong.   We balance our time spent with Aaron as opposed to our time spent doing what we want to do……without guilt.  We balance whether to listen to Aaron’s same stories or same issues over and over and over again, or whether to pull the plug and tell Aaron that he just needs to quit telling us this same thing….AGAIN!  And as time goes on, we will need to balance how to protect Aaron with how to release him. 
 

 

I’m just very thankful that we have God to steady us when we start going sideways.  Thankful that we have good family and friends who give us love and support and advice and laughter.  And very, very thankful that even if we do fall off the rope……….underneath are God’s everlasting arms to catch us and to gently lift us back onto the rope……….where we will once again put one foot in front of the other and once again walk this tightrope of life with Aaron.

You Just Like Andrew

I’m sitting here thinking of our weekend and thinking of our children.  Sometimes I still wonder where the time went.  Our three kids are all adults now.  We watch Andrea and Andrew from a distance now as they live their lives.  They both live hours away from us,  and while that can sometimes be sad it’s also very fulfilling for Gary and I to see them so happy in the lives that God has given them.  Andrea is in graduate school studying genetics, and Andrew was recently hired by Cruz Pedregon Racing as a member of the pit crew. 

Aaron, of course, still lives at home with Gary and me.  Even when he may someday move out of our home, he will still be under our close care and supervision.  Such is life with a child with special needs.  Thinking back on the years of raising our children, it seems that times with Aaron stick in our memory the most.  With Andrea and Andrew, we had all the typical home schooling and life activities………..music, sports, friends, church.  With Aaron, we started out with those things but as time went on, he became less and less interested.  Life for Aaron became harder instead of easier.  He had such a difficult time with making friends or with wanting to be involved in outside activities.   Or sometimes he wanted to be a part of a normal life but he just didn’t know how to do that, or simply couldn’t meet the expanding expectations of a person who is supposed to be growing into adulthood. 

It’s hard for family life to be normal when parents are trying to manage and understand an issue as complex as autism.   Throw epilepsy in the mix and it becomes very muddled.  We had many frustrating days when Aaron was a teenager and then in his early twenties.  One issue that kept coming up was jealousy.  It was sad for Aaron to watch his siblings move on with life while he was stuck with doctors and medicines and surgery and hospital visits.  Yet in many ways Aaron took it all in stride, even enjoying the time and attention that these events afforded him. 

Aaron has always had a special relationship with Andrea.  First she was his buddy, his special friend and playmate when they were younger.  Now he looks to her as a mother figure in many ways.  He misses her since she’s moved away, and often asks, “Mom, when is Andrea coming over?”……….as if she only lives a few blocks away and just comes over every now and then.  She and I were on the phone the other night.  Aaron walked in the room and when he realized that I was talking to Andrea , he wanted to talk to her as well.  I put the phone on speaker and off went Aaron, bending over and rubbing his hands together in delight as he nearly yelled.  “Andrea!  Is there such a thing as deadly mutant viruses?!!”   No “Hi, Andrea!  How are you?  I miss you.”   We would faint if he ever expressed such emotions verbally, but Andrea and I both through our laughter knew that Aaron was happy to talk to his sister.

Aaron’s relationship with Andrew has been more complex.  Aaron has always shown some jealousy toward his brother.  I wonder if it’s something to do with both of them being male.  It seems that there is a competition there on Aaron’s part that he has just never known how to handle.  As they got older, Aaron had fewer friends while Andrew had more friends.  Aaron was very jealous of Andrew’s friends who would come over, especially if they spent the night.  Aaron loved sleepovers and always wanted to do that.  Who could ever forget the day that a female friend of Andrew’s stopped by for a quick visit?   Aaron stood at the top of our stairs and yelled down, “Andrew!  Is she sleeping over?!”  Poor Andrew.  Who could forget all the rude comments that Aaron made to Andrew’s guy friends that would be at the house, or the time that Aaron hit Sam in the stomach?  Or the day that Andrew got his driver’s license and Aaron saw him drive the old truck in the driveway that we bought him……..and Aaron quietly said, “Andrew drives?  I wish I could drive.”

We had some good times with Aaron this past weekend…….just normal life but things that Aaron enjoys.  He went for a haircut and even got a shampoo…….something he’s never done before and which delighted him a lot.  We went to Dillon’s afterwards for him to get a Cheddar Pasta Salad and some of his favorite jelly beans.  He ate dinner with Gary and me, talking between bites of his pork chops and fried squash that he loves.  We played Tri-Ominos and we watched Wheel of Fortune.  He ate some pizza, and then on Sunday evening he tried a new dish at Taco Bell as well as his tried-and-true hot fudge milkshake from Sonic.  He talked our ears off, as always, and he did his quirky things that make Aaron…..Aaron.  Like putting his peanut jar in his ever-present bowl on top of a plate, and then eating the peanuts out of the jar inside the bowl on top of the plate.  That is SO Aaron!  And he found my restaurant coupons that I’ve told you about…….the ones that I don’t want him to cut……….and that I found all in a pile……….CUT ON THE DOTTED LINES!!!!   Oh, Aaron.

In the midst of life with Aaron, we enjoyed hearing about Andrea’s research and her time on Saturday with her boyfriend Pete and his parents.  We also got to watch the NHRA race from Charlotte, and to see Andrew on television.  This part of Andrew’s life now is something that we’ve tried to downplay in front of Aaron, but he found out about Andrew’s new job and the fact that he’s on TV sometimes.  Aaron has seen Andrew on the screen.  Aaron didn’t show much reaction to it the first time.  This past weekend, he again saw Andrew and he again didn’t act excited……but I did hear him at one point mutter, “So what?”  Oh boy, I thought, here we go.

On Sunday night I went in Aaron’s room to say goodnight.  He was sitting up in bed reading his Handy History Answer Book (of course!) with his pillow just right and his back scratcher there beside him and his other pillow on his lap and his stuffed snake that used to be Andrea’s stuffed snake laying there beside him and his covers all wrinkle free and just so-so (of course!).  I hugged him and I listened to his usual talk and I had a hard time leaving the room because every time I would ease over toward the door he would say, “Mom!  Wait!”  Then he would quickly think of something else to say or to ask in his attempt to keep me there as long as possible.  Finally I said a final good night, and as I closed his door I heard him say, “Good night, Miss woman who wants to watch Andrew on TV.”

There it was, that old green monster of envy coming out.  The next morning, yesterday, Aaron was talking to me as I got my make-up on and he said, “You just like watching Andrew on TV.  And you just like talking to Andrew when he comes home.”   I tried to explain to Aaron how little we see of Andrew and how happy we are for him, and that we do enjoy seeing him on TV.  But I also reminded Aaron of the time spent with him and the love that we have for him, wondering if any of what I was saying was penetrating his hidden heart. 

I thought of how I walked into Aaron’s room over the weekend and tapped him on his shoulder to tell him that we could play Tri-Ominos.  He looked up at me with his headphones on as I sat on the bed right beside him.  He made very direct eye contact with me, and with warmth and feeling he said, “Mom.  I was waiting for you.”   Something about his look and that comment just went straight to my heart. 

I smiled and I gave him a quick hug………too much hug was not what Aaron wanted at that point.  And I nearly cried.  He looked so needy and so vulnerable.  “Mom.  I was waiting for you.”  Oh Aaron, you don’t have to wait for me.  You have me always.  I am always here for you.  You don’t have to be doing genetics research or to be on TV to be important or special to us.  How I want him to know that he is loved and he is treasured for who he is………even when he’s driving us nuts!  That is Aaron in all his many facets.   I hope that he realizes that going to get a haircut and visiting Dillon’s and eating together and playing Tri-Ominos and watching Wheel of Fortune are just a few of the ways that we say, “I love you.”

So is making him the pretzels this morning that I bought a few days ago, letting him watch me bend the dough into that pretzel shape.  And helping him get all set up in his chair with his blanket over his legs and his cups of coffee beside him, his hot pretzels fresh out of the oven on a plate in his lap, his napkins and toothpicks close by as well……….and then hearing him ask, “Mom, will you bring me a knife and a fork and a spoon?  A knife….AND a fork……AND a spoon?  All three……a knife, and a fork, and a spoon.” 

Yes, Aaron, I will bring you a knife……AND a fork……AND a spoon.   Even though you do NOT need a knife……..or a fork……..or a spoon……… while eating pretzels.  But I didn’t remind him of that fact, because I know that Aaron DOES need a knife and a fork and a spoon, for some reason that we cannot quite understand but that we accept. 
  
It’s just another way to demonstrate to Aaron that he is loved and that he is accepted.  I hope that he sees that and feels it in his heart as he gobbled down the pretzels……..and never touched his knife or his fork or his spoon. 


But they were there, within reach…….and so are we.

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Gary’s military career took us to many places over the years.  Many of our family were able to come visit us in the various places that we lived, including Germany.  Fort Huachuca, Arizona, was our last assignment before Gary retired.  We had lots of family and several friends that were able to come and spend some time with us while we were there, but one trip will always stand out as the trip like none other……….the trip that no one would want to re-live.
Our military housing on Fort Huachuca, Arizona
My mom and dad came out to see us in October of that particular year.  October in Arizona is usually a great time to travel because it’s not too hot and not too cold.  Since Dad didn’t like to fly, they drove for several days across country, all the way from southern West Virginia to southern Arizona.  Mom and Dad enjoyed traveling, so the long drive didn’t bother them.  They had decided to just take their time and enjoy each day.
Our backyard view –  Fort Huachuca, Arizona
Now my mother, years prior to this trip, had been diagnosed with a very rare form of colitis.  She would go for rather long periods of time with no problems, and such was the case before they left for this long vacation trip to Arizona.  She had been fine, so she didn’t even think about bringing any of her prescription medicine.  However, on the long drive across the country she began having problems with her colitis.  As soon as they arrived at our place, later that evening, Mom pulled me aside and told me that she would need to go the emergency room the next day to be checked and to see if she could get some of her medicine.  It really wasn’t a big deal, she assured me, and so I wasn’t alarmed.
The following day, I took her and Dad to the ER in the town of Sierra Vista.  She was examined and plans were made to get her unusual prescription filled there in town for her rare form of colitis.  This would take some time, though, so in the meantime the doctor gave her something else to take.  In addition, they noticed that her blood pressure was high……….so the doctor said that she would need to come back the next day to have that checked as well.
Over the next several days, we juggled Mom’s ER visits with our day trips around southern Arizona.  There is so much to see and do there, and they didn’t want to waste a minute.  Mom’s colitis, though, was not getting any better but was actually worsening.  And her blood pressure was still an issue, so back and forth we would go to the ER to have her checked.  We were also dealing with Aaron’s seizures and behaviors……but despite it all, we were having a great time as we saw the sights and went on picnics and enjoyed time together.
One day I drove us all up through the Coronado National Forest.  We ended up at the top, at Montezuma Pass, where we looked out over the gorgeous view.  On the way back to the van from the overlook, there was just a tiny little incline with very small rocks on the ground.  Dad usually took hold of Mom’s arm to help her in an area like that, but this time she had gone on by herself.  Before we knew it, she slid on those tiny rocks and fell down.  We rushed over to help her up, and she assured us that she was fine………except that her lower leg hurt.  As we drove down off the mountain, I heard her tell Dad that her leg really hurt and that she thought she should go back to the ER to have it checked.   Now Dad, who was the sweetest husband ever, proceeded to tell Mom that her leg was fine and that she did not need to go to the ER.  At this point, they had been to the ER so many times that some of the staff knew them by name.  Dad was hoping that their ER days were over, but it was not to be.
Coronado National Forest
As soon as I dropped the kids off at our house and left them with Gary, I drove Mom and Dad back to the now very familiar emergency room.  Dad and I waited while Mom was X-rayed…….and then we were both shocked when the doctor walked out to tell us that Mom’s lower bone in her leg was broken.  Broken?  Are you sure, we asked?  Yes, we’re sure, he answered.  So Mom’s leg was put in a splint, and we were instructed to be seen by a certain ortho doctor on Monday.  This was Friday, so we had the weekend to wait.  And now Mom couldn’t walk……..and her colitis was bad, which meant frequent and VERY fast trips to the bathroom.  Oh dear.
We also, for some reason that I have forgotten, could not get a wheelchair at that time.  So we would put Mom in Gary’s desk chair with wheels, and we would roll her quickly around our quarters to the bathroom when the need would hit…….which as I said, was often.  VERY often.
We also had another little complication on this ever more interesting vacation trip.  Remember that we lived in military quarters.  When the housing authorities decide to make repairs on your quarters, they don’t typically ask if they can make said repairs.  They TELL you when they are making the repairs, and you deal with it.  Before Mom and Dad’s trip, we were told that there would be a certain project that would start on such and such a day on our house.  Just a small project…………putting on a new roof.  Oh, and since they were fairly certain that there was asbestos in the old roof that would be removed, we would need to make plans to be gone from our house on that day.  Gone…….as in gone ALL day……so as to avoid the asbestos.
You can probably guess that the day of the roof removal was on that Monday……….the Monday that Mom was scheduled to go get her broken leg put in a cast.  I had planned a full day trip to Mexico for all of us so we could do what the contractors told us to do……..which was to be gone………..and so we could avoid the nasty asbestos……….and so we could show my parents Mexico and we could shop and we could eat and we could have so much fun.  Instead, we were trapped in our house with Mom in a rolling chair with her leg stuck straight out, careening up the hall like crazy people to take her to the bathroom……and contractors at our door bright and early, asking us when we were leaving.  I explained that we were NOT leaving, and these Mexicans were trying to understand until they saw Mom……….and then they knew.  So they instructed us to keep our windows closed and good luck.
Dad and I got Mom to the doctor, and she came home with a nice new cast…….and still with her colitis, as strong as ever.  I don’t even remember how high her blood pressure was at this point, but I’m pretty sure that Dad’s and mine was right up there with Mom’s.  At least now we also had a wheelchair, and so life was a little easier……..except that our quarters weren’t exactly big enough, especially the bathroom doors, for a wheelchair.  Boy oh boy!
The Mexicans were working on the roof and we had our windows closed, but we noticed the dark clouds that were rolling in over the mountains.  Surely not.  It couldn’t be threatening rain in Arizona in October.  Not with our roof off………not with Mom in a wheelchair and a cast.  Soon our doorbell rang, and one of the Mexican men stood there rapidly firing off his mixture of Spanish and English.  I knew enough to know that he was telling me that they were hurrying as fast as they could to beat the rain, but that most of the roof was still not rain-ready.  And as we stood there, they also told us to move our vehicles because they were spreading tar on the flat roof………and the wind was whipping up because of the approaching storm.  So now we had very little roof and we had blowing tar.  Yes, blowing tar.  The tar didn’t get on our vehicles that we moved, but it blew all over our yard and carport……..and it seeped into our storage room………..and it got tracked all over the inside of the house.
Then the rain came………a hard, blowing rain.  The workers all left………..and we were left with drips coming out of our ceiling all over our quarters.  We used trash cans and buckets and bowls to catch the water.  Which meant that now we had Mom with a broken leg in a cast and with colitis………bad colitis, remember………being pushed quickly up the hall to the bathroom while dodging buckets and bowls and trash cans……….and somehow making it with our help to the toilet.  Soon after this rain fiasco started, I heard Mom in the bathroom laughing.  There she sat on the toilet, with steady drips of water landing right on her head.  Well, at least it was one drip that didn’t need a bucket.  We just kept the toilet lid up to catch the drips, and handed Mom a towel to hold on her head whenever she had to go.
The next day the workers returned and I tell you no lie………the same thing happened.  It rained yet again!  We had to laugh at this point.  I was so thankful for Mom and Dad’s good attitude, especially Mom’s.  Dad was getting a little stressed, of course, as he worried about her and wondered how on earth they were going to get home to West Virginia.  Finally, the decision was made.  My sister, Jan, flew out to Arizona in order to ride home with them.  I picked her up in Phoenix, and on the drive down to Fort Huachuca she asked if I could stop to let her use the bathroom.  On down the road a short way, she asked me once again to stop.  When she got back in the car, I asked if she was OK……..and she sheepishly said that her colitis had flared up.  OH NO!!!!!  She made me promise not to tell Mom and Dad, and she said the next day that she was fine……….and off Mom, Dad, and Jan went to drive back to West Virginia.
From what Jan told us, the drive back across country was pretty much a nightmare.  One day she told me that she stopped counting at 27 the number of times they stopped for Mom’s colitis attacks.  Many bathrooms were not wheelchair accessible.  Some hotels didn’t have any handicap rooms available.  It took at least 5 days to get home………..maybe more………..neither of us can remember.  I do know that Jan said by the time they got home, Dad was totally exhausted and he looked grey.  Poor Mom was wiped out………pardon the pun, but she would totally love that.
But things were not over.  Nope, not by a long shot.  When they got back home, Mom ended up in the hospital with pneumonia!  Yes……..colitis, broken leg, and now pneumonia.  But wait……….there’s more.  While in the hospital with pneumonia, she developed a blood clot and had an embolism.  She was in the best place for that to happen, although it was still a miracle that she didn’t die.  Of all things, this was her second embolism.  She had one years earlier after toe surgery.  She must be some sort of statistical miracle for sure!
This long story is just to show that through it all……….through this absolutely horrible vacation……….Mom and Dad stayed calm and strong.  Especially Mom.  Her strong will and her sense of humor kicked in, and she never acted like she was down or distressed.  She joked about everything and made the whole situation easier.
And most of all, as she lay in that hospital bed after the embolism, she said that God comforted her by giving her the verse that became her verse.  I wrote about that verse yesterday.  Psalm 46:10 – “Be still and know that I am God.”  She said she lay there and just let her mind dwell on that verse.  She knew that God was in charge of all this craziness, and in charge of her health………..and that if she died, it would be fine………..and if not, then she would remember that He is God.
Tomorrow is Mom’s 87th birthday.  She has Alzheimer’s and has forgotten more than she remembers now.   I bet she can’t remember that disaster of a vacation…….and maybe that’s best.  But I’m thankful that the rest of us can think of it and remember what a testimony she was through it all.
We love you, Mom!  And we think of what you always said when you had these colitis episodes……”It’ll all come out OK in the end.”   HaHaHa!  That’s my Mom!