Category: Adult Autism

I’m Sorry

A couple days ago, Aaron woke up in a very bad mood.  He’s been awfully tired lately, and he certainly was on this particular morning.  He was in no frame of mind to be messed with………and my telling him to get ready to leave for his group was definitely messing with him!  I knew we were in trouble when he said, “Mom!  I don’t want to go today!!  They’re having tuna sandwiches for lunch!!!!”  

This was on Wednesday, and on Wednesdays Paradigm fixes lunch at the center for the clients.  I’ve learned that if Aaron doesn’t want to go on that day, then he’ll tell me that they’re fixing tuna sandwiches…………figuring that Mom will wonder who on planet earth would expect their son to eat TUNA sandwiches??!!  In my deep empathy, I would certainly invite Aaron to stay at home and watch movies and play computer games and maybe even eat pizza, if he’s lucky.  I mean, come on………TUNA?!

What Aaron doesn’t understand is that:  1. I like tuna.    2.  I don’t get why he shouldn’t like tuna.    3.  I fell for the tuna trick once and that was enough.    4.  I know how to text Barb in order to check his story.

So text I did, and Barb told me that they were having ham and turkey sandwiches.  And I should add a number 5.  I had bought food for Aaron at Sam’s to take to Paradigm to eat for his lunch when he wanted.  Food that Aaron likes………..but on this Wednesday Aaron informed me that he did NOT like the food from Sam’s either.  He began playing the blame game, saying, “Mom, it’s your fault for getting me that food at Sam’s!!”  As well as, “Mom, it’s your fault for making me go!”  And of course, “Mom, it’s your fault that I’m tired!!”  Really? 

Now I’ve been sick this week, probably strep, and on that day was feeling none too good.  I was not in the mood for a fight or for a game of “Who Can Win This Argument?” or for any hateful behavior on Aaron’s part.  It was probably a good thing that I was moving like a turtle, both physically and mentally.  I was talking slowly and softly, moving slowly and methodically……………feeling like I was in slow motion.  Aaron seemed to feed off of my slowness, because he didn’t escalate like he usually does………even when I told him that he was indeed going to Paradigm, and that he could indeed eat some of his awful food from Sam’s. 

When Aaron gets really mad, he’ll try to break something – and often succeeds.  Many times he’ll break something that is important to him, like his watch or his remote.  He’s gotten better, though, since the day I told him that if he broke something then I would break something else of his.  He didn’t like those terms.  On this day, he picked up his remote and then put it down again, but rather hard, and I gave him my warning.  He followed me into the bathroom and continued to rant, increasingly unhappy that I had texted Barb and that I knew the fallacy of the tuna sandwich story.  His mind was probably already concocting another horrible lunch dish to try on me the next time. 

Aaron knew that I wasn’t feeling well, but I didn’t mention it at all during this episode.  I knew he would  show no concern or care, and that it would only make things worse.  I continued to move slowly, to talk softly, and to show no emotion.  And he began to de-escalate.  He was calming down, for whatever reason, and I was hoping that the worst of the storm was over.  I walked into his room and found him sitting in his desk chair.  He turned the chair and himself toward me as I stood there, and then the most surprising thing happened.  He reached for me…………and I drew back for an instant, thinking that he might be wanting to slap at me.  But he was reaching for me, with his head down………….no eye contact……….and so I went closer.  He wanted to hug me!  I reached out to put my arm around his shoulders, and he laid his head on my chest………..like little Aaron from years ago.   Then he said, “I’m sorry.”

It’s amazing how those two words, spoken with true contrition, can wipe the slate clean.  There are times that Aaron says he’s sorry, but he says it with such an attitude that you know he doesn’t mean it.  Something like, “OK!!  I’m sorry!!  Are you happy??!”……..just doesn’t cut it.  But his contrition and tone of voice were sincere, genuine, heartfelt…………and it deeply touched my heart.  I treasured that hug and I thanked him, then left the room………..still walking slowly but with more lift in my step and more joy in my heart. 

I stopped by Sonic on our way to meet his group, and let him buy a grape Slushie.  And we listened to his favorite CD………..The Four Tops, of course!  And of course, Aaron talked!

“Mom, what’s that jinging sound they’re making in that song?”

It’s a tambourine, Aaron.  You know, they hit it against their leg or against their hand.

“Oh, I thought they hit it on their head.”  And he laughed, and I laughed at the thought of hitting the tambourine on their head………even though I’m sure that Aaron would like that way of playing a tambourine much better than the normal, boring way.

“Mom, The Four Tops sang in the old days.”

Do the 60’s seem like the old days to you, Aaron?   “YES!!” he answered……..as I felt very old.

“Mom, I noticed something.  They sing about women.  What’s so important about women?!” 

I was just starting to expound on the importance of women when we pulled up to the van to join his group.  Too bad!  I had a lot to say on that topic!

I also know the importance of Aaron…………even on the bad days.  And I know the importance of his genuine “I’m sorry.”  How healing those words are, across the board, in our lives.   How impacting they are when they are said with true repentance and sincerity…………..and when they came from our Aaron.

 

Laughter – And Comfort – In This Smelly World

Today Aaron and I went to one of his yearly meetings to update paperwork that the state requires as part of the services he receives.  Last week the meeting was at Paradigm, his day service provider.  It’s interesting to go there and to see some of Aaron’s friends.  Some want to hug me, some want to shake my hand, and some want to talk to me.  They are all so varied and interesting………some with sad stories, I’m sure………..some with strong, loving families and some not so blessed.  The staff there is amazing – full of love and understanding and so much patience.  I’m forever grateful for them.  As I was leaving, one of the young clients walked me to the door and he said, “Mrs. Moore, Aaron looks just like you.”  And then he quickly added, “I don’t mean that in a bad way!”  HaHaHa!  I’m not sure if he meant it would be bad for me or for Aaron, but I didn’t ask!

Today our second meeting was just with his case manager and with Barb, who works at Paradigm and whom Aaron loves.  On our way to Applebees for lunch, we stopped at Great Clips to see if they could give Aaron a haircut.  Sure enough, it was nearly empty and so Aaron got right in – taking off his glasses and then for some reason his ring, as he always does, for me to hold while he got his hair cut.   The girl who cut his hair has seen Aaron before and is very kind, so she chatted happily with him as she cut his hair and engaged him in a great way.  Aaron loves the attention, and the feel of the clippers relaxes him………..so much so that we were wondering if he was going to fall out of the chair as he leaned farther and farther over.  I called to him and then the stylist laughed, and Aaron straightened up………for a minute………and forward he went again.  He perked up when she asked him if he wanted gel.  He loves getting the green gel in his hair, although with a buzz cut he totally doesn’t need it………but he feels special and that’s always fun, for any of us……….and definitely for Aaron.  Plus it sure helps him smell good!

We were still early for Applebees, so I told Aaron that I wanted to run into Lowes to look at valences.  He trotted behind me, talking all the way, of course.  As I looked at the curtains, Aaron saw the clocks…………and we know how he loves clocks.  “Mom, you know those big clocks that make that loud noise?” 

Yes, Aaron – Grandfather clocks.  “Yeah!  Is that why they’re annoying?  Because they’re Grandfather clocks?”   I have no idea why he thinks they would be annoying because they’re grandfather clocks – both of Aaron’s grandfathers were sweet men.  Must be a movie he watched that had grouchy grandfathers.  He couldn’t explain it, either.

He was very interested in the grills lined up outside as we left.  One day after a trip to Lowes with Gary, Aaron came home talking about the round grills……..which he called “bowl grills.”  Today he lifted the lid on a large grill and saw the two racks.  “Look, Mom!  That grill cooks double!”  And then he spied the smoker/grill with the little stovepipe chimney.  “Mom!  There’s a pipe oven!!”  Of course, we had to examine the “pipe oven” and I tried to explain the purpose of a smoker………but Aaron was just focused on the little pipe chimney.

On our way over to Applebees, a truck passed us that was carrying a ramp with holes in it.  “Mom, that reminds me of those big trucks that have holes in them that carry animals.”  I told him that yes, they carry cattle or other animals.  I asked, “Aaron, have you smelled the cattle trucks?  What do they smell like?”  First he told me, “They smell dumb!”  And then he added, “They have too heavy a smell!”   Oh, yes, they do indeed!

Our meeting at Applebees went well, mostly because there was food involved.  For some reason, Aaron wants to pinch or poke his case manager – so I was happy that he sat across the booth from her.  He still managed to kick her, though.  Oh, Aaron!  He feels nervous at these meetings, thinking that she’s going to tell him he has to leave Paradigm, so this is his way of showing his fear.  And of embarrassing his mother. 

Aaron ordered Spinach/Artichoke dip with chips, which surprised me………and a house salad, which did not surprise me.  He got his salad before any of us got our food, and he promptly started putting the croutons on the table.  I stopped him, and he waited until I got my salad……….and I inherited the unwanted croutons.  Aaron wanted to know what the black stuff was in his dip………..that would be spinach, Aaron.  He dipped each chip very gingerly in the dip, then shook and shook the chip, and took a little bite.  Most of the dip was uneaten, of course, leaving me wondering why on earth he ordered such a thing.  He talked and talked and talked some more during our meeting, loving the audience and the chance to tell whatever came to his mind.  Somehow as we left, his case manager said this was her favorite meeting.  Was it the food or was it Aaron?  I didn’t ask. 

Aaron thumped downstairs just now to tell Gary and me about the rest of his day.  Brandy, the owner of Paradigm, has two sons.  One is Dirk, who is probably 6 years old now, and the other older son’s name escapes our memory.  Aaron excitedly said, “Mom, guess what Brandy brought to Paradigm today?!”  He paused for me to answer, so I replied, “What did Brandy bring to Paradigm today?”  And Aaron answered, with a huge smile, “A little girl!” 

Since when is a little girl a “what” and not a “who?”  Anyway, Aaron was very interested in the fact that Brandy, who has two sons, now has a little girl………..and he wouldn’t hear any of my comments about the fact that she was probably a niece or whatever.  To Aaron, Brandy has a little girl.  Then Aaron said, “I haven’t seen Brandy’s boys in a long time.  Remember?  Dirk and Jerk?”  

JERK?  OK, I had to laugh…………and so did Aaron………….and so did Gary.  We can’t remember the older son’s name, but I am quite sure it’s not Jerk…………even though Dirk and Jerk do have a certain ring to them. 

Aaron thumped back upstairs, quite pleased with his little funny saying and with our laughter…….and repeatedly assured that yes, Aaron, I WILL come get you IF I can play Skip-Bo.  And so almost ends another day with Aaron.  I am very thankful for the good people that God has put into our lives………..the ones who cut Aaron’s hair, take his restaurant orders with a smile, work out his yearly plans despite being kicked, love him so patiently at Paradigm, and give him ideas of funny names. 

And I’m thankful that God gave us Aaron.  The future may be uncertain as we make his yearly plans.  The winds of change are blowing in the state services that we receive.  Those winds may blow our way and leave us with “too heavy a smell.”  We don’t know what all the changes mean for Aaron and for us.  But God never changes and He loves Aaron more than we do.   

And that ‘s more comforting than anything else in this old smelly world!

From Hay Barrels to Football

Aaron came down from his nap today, hungry and full of things to talk about.  I heated up some leftover taco soup for him while he went to the bathroom.  He marched back into the kitchen and when I turned around he was munching on a Rice Krispie Treat.  Yes, I made some yesterday and we actually have a few still uneaten!  I told him not to eat sweets right before his lunch and he complied, amazingly enough.  He was suspicious of this strange looking soup – the black beans mixed with the tomatoes and corn gave it an unusual color to him.  But after one bowl he was ready for a second, so while it heated he talked all about black beans – and was happy to look at the can of beans I handed him.

Everything is interesting to Aaron – except for people’s emotions.  It’s so strange how that works.  He notices so many details and talks them to death, but totally doesn’t understand at times the simplest emotions.  Today my emotion was laughter as he talked, and he does respond well to that unless he thinks that we are laughing AT him.  Today I was laughing with him and it was very enjoyable.

For instance, out of the blue he said, “Mom, I was thinking that now that it’s winter there won’t be any more of those hay barrels left for the cows and horses.”   Yes, Aaron calls hay bales………hay barrels.  He always has, and it always makes me smile.  They do look like barrels, don’t they?  Anyway, I don’t know what got Aaron off on hay barrels in the middle of taco soup and  Rice Krispie Treats, but as always I answered him with great interest.  He likes to be treated as an adult and to know that we value his conversations………..even as we chew our tongues in order not to laugh, or try to hide our smiles. 

He continued, “The hay is all dead, right?”  I told him how cattle owners buy or raise lots of hay to use over the winter, and tried to talk intelligently about dead hay.  Anyway, I assured him that the cows and horses would be fine over the winter.  Then he asked, “So hay barrels are hay, right?”  Uh……..yeah, Aaron…………hay barrels would be hay.  Right.  And he shook his head yes as I once again hid my smile.

He was examining his bag of Mike and Ikes as he ate his soup.  I was not at the table when he asked, “Mom, have I eaten a cherry?”  I wondered at this question and turned to see him looking at the bag of candy, with pictures on the back of the various fruits represented by this gooey treat.  I assured him that he had eaten a cherry, when he asked, “So a lime is another orange?”  Uh…………no, Aaron………a lime is – a lime.  So I got out a lemon from the frig and used it to describe a lime, reminding him of the limes I bought some time back that he seems to have forgotten.  This led to me setting out the bottles of lemon and lime juice for him to sample, and laughing as he twisted his mouth and shook his head and didn’t want to try any  more! 

He noticed the nearly full trash can when he threw his napkin away.  “Mom, that trash can in the kitchen is getting stuffed!”  Yep, Aaron, tonight is trash night………….and no, you don’t need to take care of it now……….even as he turned to reach for more Rice Krispie Treats.  No more treats, Aaron! 

Off he went downstairs to talk to Gary, who was watching football.  I heard Aaron talking, and Gary replying, and Aaron talking a lot, and Gary replying………..on and on it went.  I came down to join in and enjoy Aaron’s happy mood.  “Mom, remember yesterday when that football player got hurt?  Those hospital people were bent over him.  He looked flattened!” 

Yes, Aaron.  “Mom, what was wrong with that player.  Why was he flattened?”  I assured him that the player wasn’t really flattened and that he just got the breath knocked out of him.  “So is that why those hospital people were standing around him?”  Yep, those hospital people are good about checking on flattened people, Aaron!

Aaron’s not very familiar with football generally.   I wrote several blogs last year about his football comments and insights, many of which were hilarious.   He doesn’t know the various teams, and trying to explain professional football as opposed to college football is next to impossible.  Yet he still observes and he asks lots of questions, such as why hospital people stand around flattened football players.  He then informed me, “Dad wants the team that has the star on it to win.”  That would be Dallas, for those of you who also don’t know much about football teams.  Aaron found out that Dad had voted for Dallas…………that’s  another way Aaron talks about football………..wanting to know which team we are voting for.  I wonder if he thinks Obama and Romney play football?

Aaron wasn’t through with his observing.  “The other team – the team that has the B.A.L. – who is that?”  We told him who the B.A.L. team was and he was satisfied that the B.A.L. team was going to win, even though we didn’t vote for them.  But that’s the way football is sometimes, you know. 

So is life.  We don’t always get what we vote for, but things have a way of working out…………especially when God is in charge.  There will be hay barrels for the cows that Aaron likes and hospital people for the flattened football players and other chances for the team with the star to win.  And candy and Rice Krispie Treats……….if I can keep Aaron out of them!!

What Season Is It Anyway?

In Aaron’s orderly world, the change of seasons presents………..well, change……….and change of any sort does not go unnoticed by Aaron.  The seasonal changes don’t upset him, but they do cause him to feel the need to discuss those changes – a lot.  He enjoys weather, anyway, so when he feels the temperature fluctuations and sees the trees changing then he will talk and talk about it. 

I remember back in the spring, or nearly spring, Aaron came outside to discuss this issue with me as I was pruning our Rose of Sharon bushes. It wasn’t technically spring yet, according to the black and white calendar that Aaron has on his wall, but he was somewhat flustered.  He had just come home from his group and it was a warm day in March.  He marched outside, coming over to where I was working, and said, “Mom, those kids said it’s spring.  It’s not spring until March 20!”  I explained, as I have so often, about how we talk about spring when it starts getting warm but that yes, spring doesn’t really arrive until that certain date that he knows is on his calendar……….in black and white………set in stone.  I thought that once again, after this same discussion over all these years, that he had for this spring……….for this moment………settled the “When Does Spring Really Start?” conflict. 

Silly me.  Later that evening, he walked into my bedroom and said, “So is it spring yet?  I don’t understand that.”  Ah, Aaron…………..seasonal ebbs and flows don’t match calendar dates, do they?  And that certainly doesn’t match your rigid view of the world, your view that is on your calendar, does it? 

It was no surprise to me when on September 21, Aaron came into the kitchen and asked, “Mom!  Is it fall yet?”  He knew it was fall because he had looked on his calendar, but I affirmed that today was the first day of fall.  And his response:  “So why is it hot?”  You see, Aaron also struggles with the fact that the first day of a new season doesn’t mean that there is an instant change in temperature.  This is just another anomaly that doesn’t compute in his brain. 

Our temperatures now have cooled down significantly.  Aaron is actually going to wear long pants today.  Changing his wardrobe every season, from shorts to long pants and then back to shorts in the spring, has always been a challenge for Aaron.  He gets used to one set of clothes and then he has to change.  This includes long sleeved or short sleeved shirts, too!  He would love living in a steady climate, like Hawaii, all year long!

Our cooler temperatures that we are now enjoying have not gone unnoticed by Aaron, of course.  As we played Skip-Bo last night, he said, “Mom, now that it’s cool, warmness is on another continent in the United States.”  He thought I was sighing because I needed air. 

So we discuss a little geography and a little science and a little about the seasons……..and finally just agree that he is correct, to some degree……….which makes him happy and off to bed he goes.  I never would have dreamed that something as routine as the change of seasons would create so much discussion.  But then I never dreamed that we would have an Aaron and that the key word in this seasonal thing is the word  “CHANGE.” 

If it continues to be cool, he’ll be bringing up winter any day now.  And if it snows before December 21, I will be sighing a lot as I once again explain to him how it could possibly snow before winter is actually here.  Seasons were so simple before we had Aaron.

But not nearly as interesting.

The Rice Krispie Treats

Aaron loves Rice Krispie treats.  For some time he had been asking if I would make some, but for one reason or another I had been dragging my feet.  Finally, as I cooked supper last night, he said, “Mom, I told my Paradigm staff that I guess my mom doesn’t have enough Rice Krispies to make Rice Krispie treats.  That’s why you won’t make them, right?”  And I made the mistake of telling him that, no, I have enough Rice Krispies.  After all, I can’t have them thinking that I’m unprepared by not having the most basic of cereals, right?  And before I knew it, I heard a “Plunk!” on the counter and turned to see that Aaron had gotten the boxes of Rice Krispies out and was saying, “So, Mom, can we make Rice Krispie treats after supper?”  Whereupon he opened the cabinet door, and found my bag of mini-marshmallows.   I was trapped, with no reasonable excuse for not making the Rice Krispie treats. 
 
 

Still not wanting to totally commit, I told Aaron that MAYBE I’d make them after supper.  As we ate, he continued to pursue his request for this favorite snack, and finally said, “Mom, can I help you make them?  Like when I helped you make chocolate puddin’?   It’ll go by faster!”   First of all, Aaron really does say “puddin’ “………..just in case you were wondering.  It’s some carry-over from childhood and the Pokey Little Puppy book, I think.  And as far as his assurance that his help would make the fixing of Rice Krispie treats go by faster……….well, that’s highly unlikely.  I sat there remembering all the times that Aaron has “helped” me cook, and how he detests getting his hands messy – which results in many exclamations of disgust and much wiping of his hands on paper towels or washing at the sink.  I was also envisioning his exaggerated stirring, with the contents of various bowls ending up all over the counter or stove……….or how uncoordinated he is with certain utensils, especially knives!………..or how he still hasn’t mastered cracking a raw egg – “No, Aaron!  You pull the cracked egg apart!  You don’t mash in!!!”

Then remembering that Rice Krispie treats have no eggs, I began to reconsider.  Still, the sticky and messy hands, and the stirring…………oh, why not?  I was feeling generous, and Aaron was so eager, that I said yes and made him very happy.  He waited as patiently as Aaron can wait while Gary and I cleaned up the kitchen.  Finally it was time for Aaron to take center stage and help Mom with the Rice Krispie treats.  He got the butter out of the frig, and actually cut the required amount safely as I fearfully watched.  Just as I knew he would, he did NOT want to get the butter on his fingers as he dumped it from the wrapper into the pan on the stove.  After wiping his fingers clean, he watched the butter melt.  “Mom, why is it moving?  Look at it moving!!  Why is it moving?” 

After the fascinating, moving butter had melted I had him dump the marshmallows into the pan and start stirring.  “Oooh, Mom!  It looks like barf!”   Stir, stir, stir…………and then when I looked away I heard a noise, only to turn and find him using the spoon more like a hammer as he plunged it repeatedly into the melting marshmallows.  “Aaron, what are you doing?” I asked.  He answered, “I’m trying to smash those squares!”  Squares?  I looked in the pan and saw what he meant.  Where the melting marshmallows were joining together, some of them did look like squares.  Only Aaron!

“Is it time to pour the Rice Krispie treats?”  he wondered as he saw me measuring the cereal into a bowl.  “Just hang on, Aaron.  You have to stir the cereal in first,” I told him.  He then stirred and stirred until the mixture was pretty well evenly mixed and he eagerly watched as I dumped it into the greased dish.  I turned to do something else and when I looked back at Aaron, there he stood…………holding the pan of Rice Krispie treats as he said, “Mom, I’ll put them in the oven for you!”  No, no Aaron!  We don’t bake Rice Krispie Treats.  They’re done!  And off Aaron went to his room, saying that he would eat one later.  We had survived the entire process without a major issue or disaster!

 
Later that night, Aaron finally ate one before bed.  Then later, after the lights were out and we were in bed, I heard a noise.  Aaron had already gone down to take his pills, so I wondered what he was doing.  When I got up the next morning, I looked at the Rice Krispie treats and saw that  a large section was missing.  I should have known!  Aaron had gone on a mission last night and filled his stomach with his favorite snack!

This morning I had a dentist appointment, so I left just a few minutes before Cody picked Aaron up at home.  I returned to the house later, ate my lunch, and then decided that a Rice Krispie treat would be just the perfect little end to my lunch.  That’s when I noticed that the lid to the Rice Krispie dish was askew.  Hmmmm………..and as I looked, my fears were confirmed.  Sure enough, the dish was empty.  The treats were totally gone!  Oh my goodness! 

 
That rat!  Aaron took……….or ate………..all the Rice Krispie treats after I left this morning!  Maybe he took some to Rosie.  Now I REALLY wanted what was no longer there.  Let’s see – I knew I had the Rice Krispies.  I checked the cabinet for another stray bag of marshmallows, too, just in case there was one hidden behind the pasta………or the peanut butter………..or the cake mix………maybe behind the oatmeal?  No? 

Next time, I’ll make Rice Krispie treats without Aaron’s help……..when he’s not even home……….and I’ll eat ALL I want before he even knows I made them. 

See how he brings out the best in me?   

War!

War:  A struggle or competition between opposing forces or for a particular end

According to the above definition, Aaron and I are in a state of war.  We are actually in a state of war on two fronts.  One front has been ongoing for a long time…………the other is fairly new, but escalated today.

Moore War One:  The Fan Wars

Aaron has a tendency to get hot.  Not hot as in angry……well, sometimes he does do that…….but hot as in just hot……like sweaty hot.  Yuck!  Of course, it could have something to do with the fact that he often has his fuzzy blanket thrown over his lap as he sits at his desk and is on his computer.  And under that blanket may very well be long pajama pants, slipper socks AND slippers, and even a long sleeved shirt.  Never mind that we’ve told him time and again that he is way overdressed.  This is how he seems to be comfortable and if Aaron is comfortable then there is a slim-to-none chance that he will change what he is doing.

Aaron’s solution to being hot isn’t to dress lighter, although at times he does put on shorts along with a cooler shirt………while still using that fuzzy blanket.  His solution is to turn on his ceiling fan, no matter what time of year it is.  The whirring of his ceiling fan is a very common sound upstairs where his bedroom is located.

A year or two ago I bought him a little portable fan to put on his bookcase beside his desk.  I showed him how this fan could be used to blow on him and keep him from being so hot.  I thought that this was a great idea and was sure that Aaron would agree.  I should have known better.  Before long, we noticed that the fan was positioned to blow directly on Aaron’s computer………..not on Aaron himself.  So I moved the fan back to the blowing-on-Aaron position……only to walk in later and find it in the blowing-on-the-computer position.

When questioned, Aaron told us that his computer gets hot and so he uses his nice, new portable fan to blow on his computer in order to cool it down.  No amount of persuasion, pleading, demanding, or scientific data showing otherwise has caused Aaron to budge on this issue.  He is sure that his computer is too hot and that it needs the constant blowing of his fan in order to cool down and not explode, I guess.  Aaron keeps his ceiling fan on for himself, and has changed his little blowing-on-Aaron fan into a blowing-on-the-computer fan.

He also thinks that these fans need to be running constantly.  I do not agree.  When we leave the house, I always tell Aaron to turn his fans off.  And sure enough, sneaky Aaron will somehow manage on many mornings to keep those fans turned on……..as he did today.  Sometimes he’ll even go back into the house under the guise of getting something or doing something – but in reality he is sneaking back upstairs to turn those fans on.

So the Fan Wars continue and will for the foreseeable future, I’m sure.

Moore War Two:  The Body Wash Wars

Do you remember Aaron’s body wash that he said contained confetti?  Well, he threw it away one day because he said it was empty.  I rescued it from the trash because it was by NO means nearly empty.  When turned upside down, there were days and days of future showers in that bottle.  Listen, I am the woman who cuts open plastic bottles in order to use all the remaining face wash or lotion or other such things that are in there……..days and days of face washes and lotions I have found inside those bottles!  So no way was I letting Aaron throw away days and days worth of his confetti body wash!

Aaron does not have my thrifty nature.  He also does not seem to appreciate upside down bottles.  He has refused to use the body wash that has gathered in the upside down bottle.  I have persevered, though, even while he got under his sink and pulled out a full, new bottle of a different brand of body wash.  He has used this entire bottle, even while the confetti body wash has remained there, upside down and untouched.

This morning Aaron came into my bathroom and said, “Mom, I threw out those hair detergent things.  When I turned it up and squeezed, it made an air sound.”

Now notice that Aaron said he threw away those hair detergent things…….plural.  But then he referred to the air sound as coming from only one bottle.  Uh-huh.  He took the opportunity of having one empty bottle as a chance to throw both bottles away.  Who does he think he’s dealing with?  An amateur?  No way!

After I got home from taking him to his group, and had turned his fans off, I checked his bathroom trash can.  Yes, I knew it!  He had thrown away his upside down confetti body wash that still has days and days of showers left.  Now that bottle of confetti body wash is perched upside down once again in his shower.  I am not easily defeated.

Problem is, neither is Aaron.  Things could get hot around here!  Wonder if he’d let me borrow his little fan?

God is Great……..God is Good

 

Last night I enjoyed a beautiful light and sound show, thanks to our great Creator God.  Just as we were turning in for the night, a pretty significant Kansas storm was cranking up.  Aaron loves storms, and so he was getting all ready to sink into his covers and watch the lightning through his windows that he faces from his bed.  Of course, that was after he made sure that all of his covers were just right and that his clock that was flashing from a previous short power outage was reset – using my cell phone as his reference point since his portable digital clock is broken.  I hoped he was settled as I finally made my way to bed.
 
I’m sleeping in Andrea’s former room right now due to a shoulder injury that causes much tossing and turning on my part, along with pillows and grunts and groans that I feel will bother Gary.  The windows in Andrea’s room face the direction from which the storm was coming, and it’s upstairs so the open, rural view is perfect.  The blinds were staying up so that I would have a perfect, unimpeded view of the storm.  I knew exactly what I was going to do as I climbed into bed and turned the nightstand lamp off.  Worship.  And rest in God’s greatness and power on full display outside.
 
Several years ago, Gary and I were going through a particularly trying time in our lives.  I had been praying for Gary in specific ways as he faced certain stresses and frustrations that were weighing him down.  As I prayed for him, though, I didn’t really know what to pray for.  I just knew that I needed to pray for God to do a work in his life and in our lives together.  God did just that.  He answered my prayer……but not in the way that I would ever have expected, and definitely not in a way I would have wanted.   God moved in a way that caused much personal pain for both of us over a period of many months, and still continues somewhat today.  Yet through that rough time, God showed us more than we could have imagined.  He proved Himself faithful, and He caused us to grow in our walk with Him and in our relationship to each other, to our children, and to our dear family and friends. 
 
Gary and I had gone to Missouri one weekend to spend some time with Andrew at a racing event.  On that Saturday morning in our hotel room, while Gary did some studying for his Sunday School lesson, I opened my Bible randomly and looked down at Isaiah 40.  I began to read that chapter as well as the next one, and was overwhelmed with the reminder of just Who God is.  God was speaking to Israel, but the concepts of His greatness and power apply to all of us today as well.
 
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Reading about the pure power of God in creation had a profound impact on me as I sat on that hotel bed.  This God of mine holds the oceans in His hand!  Imagine that!  He measures the universe with the span of His hand!  He weighs the mountains!  He sits above the circle of the earth, and stretches out the heavens like a curtain!  He calls each star by name!  And to Him, we are like little grasshoppers; nations are like a drop in a bucket or like a speck of dust on the scales; rulers come and go at His command.  I could go on and on from these two chapters in Isaiah that spell out God’s might and our insignificance.  What really struck me was this thought:  How can I doubt God’s ability to handle my life, Gary’s life, or our children’s lives when I catch a glimpse of His unbelievable power and strength?  How can I question whether he can arrange our lives when I just read about how he arranged universes? 
 
When I pray with my eyes on my problems, then certainly I pray in my own weakness.  But when I pray with my eyes on this God of the universe, then certainly I pray in His strength.  And in that strength I can rest, knowing full well that He can absolutely do anything and everything.  When I think in my heart, “Well, I don’t know how on earth God can manage to do this thing that I’m praying about,”  then I am relying on my own power…………and I have none.  It’s good for me to return often to Isaiah 40 and 41, and to be reminded of just Whom I am praying to and relying upon. 
 
God does things that I don’t understand.  In these Isaiah verses, He also asks this question:  Who has directed or counseled or taught God?  No one has done those things!  Who could ever teach this great God?  Yet there are times that I try to take that place in this life and figure things out……make sense of situations……give God ideas of how to work, all the while wondering if He can really do those things for me. 
 
I don’t know why God made Aaron to have Epilepsy and Autism.  But I do know my wonderful God………the God that I worshipped last night as I was nearly blinded by His fantastic light show.  I know that He is sovereign and perfect, and that I can trust His plan for me and for Gary and for our Aaron.  I know that He will take care of Andrea in grad school and of Andrew in his senior year of college. 
 
God is great……..I am not.  That’s the bottom line.  God loves me and He loves my family.  These Isaiah verses also state that He does not become weary or tired; that His understanding is unsearchable; that He gives strength; that He will uphold; and that He doesn’t want me to look anxiously about me. 
 
I relished the time with Him last night, being reminded of His power with every dazzling flash of lightning and every boom of thunder.  I felt small and overwhelmed………but so protected by this all powerful God Who loves me with a fierce love.  He can do anything and everything.  He wants my time and my obedience and my trust. 
 
Everything else He can handle just fine.  

Gotta Laugh – A Lot!

You may wonder how I remember all the comments that Aaron makes.  Well, I scribble things on post-it notes; or in a little notebook that I keep in my purse; or on my tablet; or on any piece of paper that I can quickly grab if I have nothing else and must write quickly in order to keep from forgetting.  I have quite a collection – and this is after all the blogs I’ve written.  I remove his sayings that I write about……..and you should see all the ones I still have that are waiting to be told.  Therefore, I thought that I’d just randomly tell you a few of his spur-of-the-moment remarks so that I can remove some from my list or throw away a few sticky notes……….and hopefully give you a reason to smile or maybe laugh.

Aaron’s internet was messed up some time back.  He had to wait for Gary to fix it.  Aaron’s way to explain this situation:  “Mom, my internet crashed down.”    Hope you were able to move out of the way, Aaron.

While he waited for our new grass to sprout out back:  “Mom, has any grass formed?”

He’s hot natured, but sometimes still goes to bed with tons of covers and even a sweater.  One morning I was lamenting the fact that his pillow was sweaty and he said, “Mom, my hair gets hot!”

My dad was color blind and so is Aaron.  One day he was talking about his own color blindness and said, “Mom, do you think I’ve taken over Granddaddy’s section?”

One day after a trip out to the mall with Paradigm, he was very interested in the blind man that he saw.  “Mom!  I saw this blind man and he was wearing a stick!”

The scented oil warmer in his room dried up and so Aaron asked, “Mom, can I have a good smell thing in my room?”

Today he was telling me about his friend at Paradigm.  “Mom, J’s father is handicapped.  J has to help him with things.  I didn’t go too far and ask him if he helps his dad go to the bathroom.  That would have been too far, right?”     Yes!  That would have been way too far, Aaron.

He has a friend in his day group, a girl, with whom he teases……..a lot.  I think sometimes things get a little carried away, but they don’t seem to get mad at each other.  Tonight he said, “Mom, if T calls me names……..I mean bad word names……….I say, ‘Good, I’m glad to.’ ”    Oh brother.  His response may not always be the best thing to say at all…………but I am NOT explaining that to him.  Gary can.

And finally, one of my very favorites of all time was when he told me about going up the escalator in the mall with Cody, one of his favorite staff.  I didn’t ask Cody about this story but here is Aaron’s version:   “Mom!  Cody and I were going up the escalator at the mall.  I pulled this thing and I heard alarms!”    Good grief, Aaron!  Did you really?

“Yeah, I pulled this thing.  It said something on it.”

Well, WHAT DID IT SAY??!!

He replied,  “Not to.”

HaHaHaHa!!  I can laugh because I wasn’t there.

And I hope these little snippets have made you laugh or at least smile.  And I’ve marked a few things off of my “Aaron’s comments”  list.  Thanks for reading!

Wednesday on a Tuesday?!

Aaron has a pill box that I refill every Saturday night or Sunday morning.  On Sunday I spilled part of a drink on top of his pill box when it was full, naturally.  Some of the drink got into two of the full pill sections, so I had to throw those pills out.  The inside of those sections is a mess, so I decided to just buy a new pill box the next time I’m at Wal-Mart.  In the meantime, those two sections of pills are now empty.  The order is messed up on Aaron’s pill box.  You know where I’m going with this.

This morning, Aaron came straggling into the kitchen right after he got up.  He and I sat at the table while he finished waking up, with him telling me his usual morning story about how tired he is.  I was asking about what he wanted for breakfast after he showered, and then I told him that he could go ahead and take his pills.  The Tuesday morning section is empty now, so I told him that he could just take the Wednesday morning pills……..and that I would straighten it all up as soon as I buy that new pill box.

Aaron sat there, staring down……..deep in pondering thought.  Then he softly said, “I don’t know.”  Well, I knew exactly what he didn’t know and why he didn’t know it, but I wanted to see if I could get him to bend just a little………to veer just a tad from his usual pill box order.  I set the box down in front of him, and pointed to the Wednesday morning section on this beautiful TUESDAY morning.  “See, Aaron?  You can just take the Wednesday morning pills.  They’re just the same as the TUESDAY morning pills.”

He continued to stare at the disorderly pill box.  Then he slowly shook his head, as he quietly said, “No.”

“Why not, Aaron?” I asked.

And he answered patiently for his rather slow-witted mother, “Because it’s not Wednesday.”

I know defeat when I see it.  I got the pills down and refilled the TUESDAY morning section.  “Now will you take them?”  I queried.

He brightened.  “Yes!”  he said.

What ever possessed me to think that on a TUESDAY morning Aaron could possibly take the WEDNESDAY morning pills?

Aaron is not Gumby.  He can only stretch so far in that orderly world of his.  You can’t say I didn’t try, though.  

Forgiveness

This morning did not go as I had planned.  Maybe it’s because I feel so tired.  I haven’t slept well for several nights and don’t know why.  We all do that at times.  And you know how those long nights are, when every little issue in life is magnified.  Nothing is horribly wrong, but even my to-do list seems overwhelming at one in the morning!  But all of this is an excuse, really, and I know it.

Aaron had a dental appointment this morning.  I looked forward to this being a morning of Aaron being in a compliant, happy mood because he would be looking forward to lunch and maybe a Wal-Mart trip.  Instead, I found Aaron down on my computer, looking up cheat codes for a game.  I fussed at him and he got off, but came up to my room wanting to know if I would print off some cheat codes for him.  He was carrying a large sheaf of stapled-together codes that he said a staff member at Paradigm had printed off for him.  It was very large – the number on the last sheet was 77!  And Aaron wanted me to print it off again………at least that’s what he said……….and so began the very frustrating process of trying to figure out the why and the what of Aaron’s request.

Aaron couldn’t explain to me exactly what it was he wanted me to print, even as I explained to him that I was not printing 77 pages – that he already had!  He began to escalate, and then hit my dresser with his fist as he walked out.  Thus ensued the fight – not physically, but verbally.  I was trying to understand what he wanted and at the same time calm him down, all the while feeling my tiredness and my exasperation mounting.  Soon I was yelling……..and Aaron was yelling……..and I yelled louder………and Aaron responded likewise.  It was a lose-lose situation all the way around.  I backed off and walked away, taking a few minutes to calm down and then approaching Aaron again as he headed toward my room.  We came to an agreement……….more of a stalemate……..and soon left for the dentist.  Both of us were quiet and rather depleted.  And I was feeling very guilty.

Aaron waited for me in the van as I put something in the mailbox, picked up the newspaper, and got the empty trash cans ready to roll back to the house.  I took a step or two and then saw it……….a weed growing up between a crack in our driveway.  What would have been an ugly weed, except for one thing.  Growing on that weed were such delicate little violet blooms that I had to stop in my tracks and stare down at it.  Those little blooms transformed that otherwise annoying weed into a soft spot of beauty on our driveway.  Instantly my heart was pricked.  My behavior with Aaron not an hour earlier was ugly and hateful.  I let my tiredness and my selfishness call the shots instead of letting the Holy Spirit empower me to respond to Aaron with love and kindness.

Out of my nasty behavior, I needed something soft and pretty to grow……..something that only Christ could enable to bloom.  Forgiveness.  In particular, to BE forgiven by Aaron.  I’ve read and studied a lot about forgiveness over the past few years.  In fact, I just listened to some on-line lessons last week on this very subject.  I know quite a bit about the anatomy of extending forgiveness and being forgiven.  Could I practice this today?  With my child?  With Aaron?

I know that asking for true forgiveness means naming the sin you have committed, without making excuses for your behavior, and asking to be forgiven.  As Aaron and I ate lunch, I waited for him to pause in his monologue of the moment and then I said, “Aaron, I’m very sorry that I got so angry this morning.  I’m sorry I yelled and acted hateful to you.”   Aaron looked at me, gave a little grunt, and stuffed more pizza into his mouth.  I continued, “So Aaron, will you forgive me?”  Another grunt.  And I repeated, “Will you forgive me?”  And he said, “Yeah.  Hey, did you know that I woke up at 8:33 but I stayed in bed, and then got up at 9:04?”

I chuckled.  This is as good as it will get with Aaron in the forgiveness department.  Oh, he heard me loud and clear………..and he registered every word that I said.  He may still call me weird, as he did earlier…….or maybe not.  He knows, though, that I am sorry.  He knows that I love him.  He knows that I am human……..and weird sometimes.

And I know that a little flower began to bloom in my guilt-ridden heart.  For I had also asked God to forgive me and He did more than grunt.  He has given me assurances all over His Word that He is there, waiting with open arms to forgive………..and to forget!  I can’t forget my behavior, but I pray that I will once again learn from my failure and grow in this issue of forgiveness.   Grow and bloom………beauty from ashes, God says.

Just like my little driveway weed.