Author: Patty hesaidwhatks

I'm Patty and I write about our adult son who has Epilepsy and Autism, who still lives with my husband and me, and who is a package full of many surprises and joys and challenges and TALK! Lots of talking, which creates laughter and some other reactions as well. I also write about how God shows Himself to me in everyday life.

Lean On Me, Aaron

Yesterday Aaron and I went to his annual PCSP meeting.  How many years have we had these meetings?  More than I can nearly remember.  

His case manager and I decided several years ago to hold our meeting at one of Aaron’s favorite restaurants, Carlos O’Kelly’s.  Aaron really doesn’t like meetings that discuss him unless we’re letting him do all the talking about really important stuff.  You know – matters like whether Pluto is a planet or not, what solar flares are, and are black holes really sucking in stars?!  But mulling over matters of his likes and dislikes, what he is or is not allowed to do at his day group, what his goals are, and so on and so forth…well, Aaron would rather leave the room and find someone who IS wanting to hear him talk about planets, flares, and black holes.  But put a plate of enchiladas, chips and salsa in front of him and he’ll endure our needless talk.

Aaron had gotten out of bed super early the past two mornings.  Space videos on YouTube were calling to him, I guess.  As we sat in our booth munching on chips and salsa, he started leaning and leaning until finally he was resting against me like a little child.  

I eased him over and he sat straight for a couple minutes, but then he began leaning into me again.  I knew that he was sleepy from his very early mornings and from his meds, but still I kept propping him up so he could eat and participate in the meeting if needed.

Later, as I drove us home, I looked over at him sleeping soundly in his seat.

  

He is sometimes showing that age is creeping up on him.  He even seems a little feeble at times, like he did as he leaned on me during lunch.  I know that seizures are taking a toll.  He has memory loss, tremors, drooling sometimes, and other effects of both seizures and medicines.  

My heart is stirred with so much love for him.  So much concern for his life now, and for what the future will hold for him.

Yet there are those other moments, too…more and more, it seems.  Moments when Aaron is frustrated when things are not going his way at his time.  He is becoming more impatient with waiting, more set in his routine, and more expressive when those frustrations mount.

Therefore, Gary and I are finding ourselves more stretched on some days.  Our own frustrations mount along with Aaron’s.  Stress seeps through every crack in our strong armor.

I look at Aaron leaning on me, and I know that he needs me when he is struggling, both physically and emotionally.  His reactions are often beyond his control.  Sometimes that fact is hard to remember.

So, who do I lean upon?  

God.

Yes, Gary and I support each other.  I have amazing friends who walk a similar journey to ours.  I have great family on both sides.

But it is God Who leans down to me as He did the other night and fills me with deep peace even as the storm swirls around me…Who understands my struggles…Who speaks comfort to me…Who assures me with these words:

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate (feed on) faithfulness.”   (Psalm 37:3)

I can feed on so many things like anger, comparisons to others, resentment…the list goes on.  

Or I can obey God and lean into Him.  He understands my need.  And I must understand my need to trust Him and do good.

To feed on faithfulness even when I just want to walk away.

Faithfulness to God, and faithfulness to our Aaron.

Knowing that this is also true:

“Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him and He will do it.”  (Psalm 37:5)

Commit.  Lay on God’s shoulders the heavy burden.  

He is strong enough for all my burdens and He is there for me to lean upon when I am tired and done.

And oh, I cannot express enough about the grace that God gives me to continue putting one foot in front of the other, day after day with Aaron.

It’s not one bit about how strong I am or that God gave Aaron to such an amazing parent.

But it IS all about how God meets me in my most down moments with His sweet peace and His words that speak such joy and comfort to me.

And as I learn to lean on God, I can be there for Aaron when he needs to lean on me. 

God holds me up so that I can do the same for Aaron.  

That’s even more amazing than all the black holes in the universe!

My Cross As A Crutch

Yesterday evening I was feeling particularly burdened over several things.  I felt the weight of the loads of life more than usual.

Harsh angry words from Aaron earlier in the day still reverberated in my mind.  Even worse were my own angry words thrown out to him in response.  

Then heavy on my heart was my conversation with the husband of my dear friend of many years.  Her disease is ravaging her mind, and my mind can’t wrap around the reality of that.  Emotions that I have kept in check spilled from my eyes.

I took my old Streams in the Desert devotional book and sat on the patio, soaking in the fresh air and the beginning of dusk.  I turned to the day’s date and saw this verse:  “Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.”  (Mark 8:34)

I began to read the words of Alexander Smellie, a Scottish preacher who died 100 years ago.  

“The cross which my Lord bids me take up and carry may assume different shapes.  There are many crosses, and every one of them is sore and heavy.  But never is Jesus so near me as when I lift my cross, and lay it submissively on my shoulder, and give it the welcome of a patient and unmurmuring spirit.  He draws close, to ripen my wisdom, to deepen my peace, to increase my courage, to augment my power to be of use to others, through the very experience which is so grievous and distressing, and then…I grow under the load.”

Then the author added this:

“Use your cross as a crutch to help you on, and not as a stumbling block to cast you down.”

I know there are several meanings that carrying our cross conveys, yet all of them indicate a difficult load in life.  Every person I know is carrying a burden today, some more than others.

But Jesus also promised that if we come to Him with our burdens, He will give us rest:  “For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”  (Matthew 11:30)

The word “easy” means “tailor made.”  God knows exactly what is best for me, for my dear friends, for you.  He is not cruel.  Read again what the old Scottish preacher said.  

God is near in our burdens, giving us wisdom and filling us with purpose and peace we can learn no other way.

Oh, may I…may you…use our crosses as a crutch to help us walk through this life in a way that honors our Heavenly Father and grows us more like Him.

My Home Is God

Gary and I spent six years in Germany thanks to the U.S. Army.  Our youngest son was born there.  It was a wonderful time for us in many ways in that beautiful country.  But I will admit that when we came home to the States on visits, and then finally to stay, we felt a huge sense of relief.  We had a home in Germany but back in America we were HOME.  We knew the language, we understood the culture, and our family was near.

I’ve been reading in the book of Hosea about how Israel kept rejecting God’s best for them.  They kept looking to the nations around them as examples they should follow.  Therefore, they participated in gross false worship and many other sins against God.

In Hosea 8:9, God said they had gone up to Assyria like a wild donkey wandering alone.  Like the donkeys, Israel was restless in her sad and useless search for a god to worship and for a life of meaning. They kept rejecting the answer that was there for them all along…God Himself.

Don’t we see this attitude all around us today?  So many are searching for meaning in life but not wanting to turn to the only One Who can give them purpose and meaning.  

We all know how sad our world is today.  So many are devoid of hope and peace so they turn to whatever their Assyria is.  Abortion.  Drugs.  Sexual perversions.  Gender dysfunction.  

Or maybe our wandering hearts turn to more benign diversions, ones that seem ok.  A good job.  Money.  Getting ahead.  Sports.  Entertainment.

But still, deep in our hearts, we are unsettled.  We know there is more.  And after this life…what then?

God has put this desire for peace in our hearts for a reason.  That reason is so we will search for Him.  

“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”   (Jeremiah 29:13)

God loves us.  God loves YOU.  

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.”  (John 3:16)

Believe in Him and accept His gift of salvation through Christ alone.

            My Home is God Himself; Christ brought me there.

            I laid me down within His mighty arms;

            He bore me where no foot but His has trod,

            Within the holiest at home with God,

            And bade me dwell in Him, rejoicing there.

            O Holy Place!  O Home divinely fair!

            And we, God’s little ones, abiding there.

            My Home is God Himself; it was not so!

            A long, long road I traveled night and day,

            And sought to find within myself some way,

            Aught I could do, or feel to bring me near;

            And then I found Christ was the only way,

            That I must come to Him and in Him stay,

            And God had told me so.

            And now my Home is God, and sheltered there,

            God meets the trials of my earthly life,

            God compasses me round from storm and strife,

            God takes the burdens of my daily care.

            O Wondrous Place!  O Home divinely fair!

            And I, God’s little one, safe hidden there.

            Lord, as I dwell in Thee and Thou in me,

            So make me dead to everything but Thee;

            That as I rest within my Home so fair;

            My soul may evermore and only see

            My God in everything and everywhere;

            My Home is God.    (Author unknown)

God is waiting for you.

Come home today.  

Important Uncle Aaron

It’s been way too long since I’ve given an update on Aaron in his life role of being Uncle Aaron.  All in all, Aaron has made great progress.  But our road with Aaron is never without some bumps…or sometimes potholes!

Ryker is now 19 months old.  He is talking and showing more of his cute personality.  Aaron is fascinated with this and is showing more interest in Ryker, which we all thought he would do once Ryker had a few more months under his belt.  Aaron sees him more now as a little fellow human and not just a strange little baby. 

Aaron loves giving Ryker food or toys, and Ryker is very happy to receive them.

Yet when he tries to get Uncle Aaron’s attention to get a response from him, Aaron doesn’t know what to do, so he doesn’t do anything.

 Aaron’s lack of response to Ryker is very similar to how Aaron reacts so often to us when we get a little too close for comfort, like wanting a hug from him or a confirming verbal response.  Aaron will often back away from anything that makes him show too much emotion, especially if it’s on our terms and not his.  

Aaron likes to show Ryker his special items, like these rocks that he wanted Ryker to see.

Ryker especially loves Uncle Aaron’s room because it’s full of all sorts of cool things to touch and pick up and pull or throw…sometimes to Uncle Aaron’s delight and sometimes to Uncle Aaron’s dismay.  But it really makes Aaron feel special to see how much Ryker loves his bedroom.  

However, despite all the progress Aaron has made, this little fellow human can still sometimes make Aaron feel like he has been displaced in our home and our lives.   

“Ryker takes away my importance with Mom,” he said to a friend one day.

It’s a very telling and heart-rending statement from Aaron.  He truly has had so many adjustments to make as he learns to share his life…our lives…with this new little member of our family.  

We all assure Aaron that his place in our family has not changed one bit.  I have told him that love isn’t divided; it’s multiplied many times as God brings new people into our lives.  A friend told me that her family has talked about how our hearts grow bigger as we have more people to love.  We don’t push anyone out, we just grow bigger hearts to make room for more people to love.

Aaron listens to these words, but he still struggles with wanting to be the center of attention.  When Ryker gets more attention, then Aaron feels like Ryker is more important in our lives.  It’s a fine balancing act for all of us.

Kyle, Andrea, and Ryker came over a few days after Kyle had returned from being at sea for 3 months.  For two solid hours, they both gave as much of their full attention to Aaron as they could.  This included getting on the floor to put stickers in Aaron’s sticker book with him.  And listening to Aaron talk literally non-stop about all his interests.

Their understanding and patience with Aaron mean the world to us. 

We all see that Ryker, even at his young age, is looking at his Uncle Aaron in a way that shows he is already trying to figure out what makes him tick.  He’s trying to say Aaron’s name and the other night, after Uncle Aaron gave one of his loud claps, Ryker did the same with his sweet pudgy hands.  

We all gave each other knowing smiles.

Ryker will have a front row seat to Aaron’s world and with it will come the invaluable knowledge that special Uncle Aaron is really a very extraordinary gift from God.  

Despite the potholes in our family road, I believe Ryker will be all the richer for having his special…and important…Uncle Aaron in his life.  

And I also believe that Aaron’s heart will continue to grow and grow because of his little nephew that made him Uncle Aaron.

Aaron and The Violinist

A couple months ago, Aaron found a CD in our van that he had not listened to before.  I saw that it was an instrumental CD produced by Chelley Graves.  Chelley is an accomplished violinist who taught our daughter violin for quite a few years. 

Now, Aaron only likes to listen to music that has people singing. Instrumental music is not his interest. He will even skip songs on his CD’s that have no singing, which is very telling since Aaron goes from #1 to the last song without ever skipping a song because one does NOT skip numbers. 

He popped the CD in and sat back to listen as he examined the CD case. It didn’t take long for understanding to sink in.

Aaron: Mom, doesn’t Chelley sing?! (He pronounced her name with the hard CH sound, as in check)

Me: No, Chelley (soft CH) is a violinist. She doesn’t sing on this CD.

I figured that was the end of listening to this CD. But no, Aaron kept listening to song #1, #2, #3, #4. Since you’re not Aaron, I don’t need to keep counting but you get the picture.

I was very pleasantly surprised!

The next morning, as we left the house for his day group, Aaron pushed the rewind button, and we went from #8 all the way down to #1. He wanted to listen to the whole CD again!!

This was AMAZING for Aaron on so many levels!!!!!

This was AMAZING for me on so many levels!!!! 

No more wobbly voiced Elvis, either!!!!

Chelley’s beautiful music was filling our van and making us both very happy!

Aaron was intrigued with the fact that I know Chelley.  One day he told me that he wanted to send her a card to tell her that he liked her music.  I messaged Chelley for her address and Aaron wrote her these precious words.

And then a few days later, Chelley messaged Aaron.  I printed her message and handed it to Aaron.  

I wondered how his face could hold his enormous smile.  

Aaron placed Chelley’s message on his bed with his collection of special items that he carefully arranges on his bed every night, surrounding him while he reads and listens to music before he goes to sleep.  Her letter is also on Aaron’s desk every day, a testament to how special it is for him to be acknowledged.

Chelley has recently been playing her violin at an Italian restaurant in our city one or two nights a week.  So, last night Gary and I took Aaron to this restaurant as a special treat, but also for a very fun surprise.

Chelley knew we were coming.  As we sat in our booth, she came to our table and spoke to Aaron.  He was puzzled at first but when I told him who she was, there was that huge smile again. He told her that he liked her music, and of course then he had to show her his sticker book that he had brought with him. Chelley was so gracious and kind.  

All during our dinner, he would look over at her as he listened to her play so beautifully, and his happiness was once again on his face and in his eyes. 

 

Kindness shown to Aaron means the world to us.  So does the opportunity for Aaron to show kindness to others as he did to Chelley when he wrote her that note.  

We came full circle in a sense, all of us sharing in the joy that Aaron brings in his own unique and uninhibited way.

And here’s hoping for less Elvis and more Chelley!  

Stepping Into the Mist

Several years ago, I turned onto a road near our house, and this was the scene that met my eyes.

I couldn’t see very far ahead.  And even though I knew the road, I didn’t know what might be on the road out of my sight.  The fog hid what was there, beyond my vision, but I knew I needed to go forward.

If you know Jesus as your Savior and are following Him, you know that there are certain times that He puts you on a road that is shrouded in the unknown.  I see it around me all the time, either with family and friends, or those that I don’t personally know.  And I have experienced it in my own life.

I will never forget the day that Aaron had his sudden first big seizure.  We were living in Germany where Gary was stationed in the military.  Aaron’s seizure was completely unexpected and terrifying.  I remember the cold fear that squeezed my heart.  Then came the ambulance ride, the days in the German children’s hospital, the language barrier, the exhaustion, and the shocking diagnosis of Epilepsy.  

But I also remember our first night back home, when I could finally sit at my desk and cry the tears I had held back all week.  And there it was…God’s amazing peace filled my hurting heart.  He reminded me that He had not gone anywhere…that He was with me and with Aaron…and that He was the same God whose character I had known for many years.  He had not changed one bit.  He had a reason for this unexpected bend in the road…this fog that I could not see through still held Him there with me.  

I could freeze in fear or be angry with God or be bitter about why He allowed such a thing to happen to our little Aaron.

Or I could step out in faith and trust in my heavenly Father.

I love what F. B. Meyer said: “There is nothing, indeed, which God will not do for a man who dares to step out upon what seems to be the mist; though as he puts down his foot he finds a rock beneath him.”

Moses knew this about God when he spoke to the assembly of Israel:

“For I proclaim the name of the Lord; ascribe greatness to our God!

The ROCK!  His work is perfect, for all His ways are just.

A God of faithfulness and without injustice, righteous and upright is He.

(Deuteronomy 32:3-4)

Whatever you are going through today, know that if you are following God, He will be your firm rock in the mists of fear and uncertainty.  

You will find a rock beneath your feet and that rock is God Himself.

And some day you will see that same road clearly, in all its purposes, as the best plan that God could ever have for you.

Cue The Music, Aaron…Or Not

Aaron and I were hurrying out the door a couple mornings ago so I could take him to Paradigm, his day group.  I kept feeling like we were forgetting something.  We were three miles from the house when I remembered what we forgot.

Aaron’s wallet!  

He absolutely loves his almost daily excursion to Quik Trip, where with his seven dollars he has his pick of foods…mostly of the junk variety.  Forgetting his wallet would not do!  I could have given Aaron some money, but all I had was a $20 bill, and believe me when I say that Aaron would have spent $19.99 on that junk variety food.

I reassured a panicked Aaron that we would go back to get the wallet as I headed for the next exit.  He was very relieved.

Immediately he reached over and turned off the music that was playing.  I knew why he did that, but just to test my theory…or more like a confirmed fact based on years of solid experience…I slyly reached down after a few seconds and turned on the music.

He didn’t miss a beat and neither did Whitney Houston as his arm shot out and pushed that off button once more.

“I’ll turn the music back on after we get my wallet,” he informed me, not knowing that I could have told him that about himself. 

This little episode is just one of the many ways that autism affects Aaron’s life.  He lives by a strict set of rules that sometimes only he understands but that we must obey if his life…and therefore, ours…is to be happy.

He does this same thing as we go to Meals on Wheels every Thursday.  He won’t play his music until we have picked up our food at the Senior Center and are actually beginning our route.

The wallet episode may have been a different situation, but the same rule applies.  Our diversion to go back home for his wallet had interrupted our trip to Paradigm.  This interruption was not a part of the actual drive.  Since his music is to be played on the actual drive, that music must not be played on the non-actual drive.

Are you following?

If you lived with Aaron, you better be!

It’s a matter of principle with Aaron.  

He follows this principle when we are watching a program.  Aaron will have his snack ready.  The bag or jar will be open.  The plate of food will be placed on his ottoman or his lap.  His napkins are nearby in their holder and his multiple pieces of silverware are ready to go.  His drink and straw are within easy reach.

But nothing is touched until the first scene of the show…and most critical, the opening credits…are completed and the real honest-to-goodness show has begun.

I have sat nervously by as his ice cream started melting before he will pick up his spoon and start to eat.

It does no good for me to try to make Aaron hurry up and eat, or turn his music back on, or change any other scenario of his life in which this principle applies.

Not even my deep sighing has any effect on Aaron.  He probably just thinks Mom is old and weird.

I love seeing these intricacies of the autistic mind that Aaron has.  Even when his internal rules drive us crazy, they are still very fascinating to observe.  And understanding those rules and allowing them when we can, makes Aaron’s life… and ours…much easier to navigate.

He not only follows the beat of a different drummer, but he also tells the drummer when he can beat his drum and when he can’t!  

Fearing God Openly

I remember years ago, when I was old enough to sit in church without being right beside my parents, that sometimes the temptation to misbehave was more than I could bear.  Maybe I was sitting with my sisters or with friends when a fit of laughter would overcome us, or we would pass those infamous notes back and forth between us.  Suddenly I would hear it…the sound of a man clearing his throat.  But this wasn’t just any man.  This was my dad, and that familiar clearing of his throat carried a clear message to me. 

He was telling me that I better turn from my wicked ways, so to speak, and straighten up and listen to the preacher!  If I didn’t, I knew that I would answer to Dad when we got home.  And that my accounting would not be pleasant was guaranteed!

Did I fear my dad?  You bet I did in that moment!  But it wasn’t a fear born of any hatred from…or for…my dad.  Instead, it was a fear that came from my dad’s love for me, and my deep love and respect for him.  He loved me enough to teach me to do right, even if it meant he had to discipline me when I disobeyed.  

I have been studying through the book of Ecclesiastes.  Solomon spent much time pondering life’s puzzling questions.  There was so much he didn’t understand about how the wicked seemed to prosper or how unfair life sometimes was. 

But there was a truth that Solomon held onto by conviction and strong faith.  He stated it in Ecclesiastes 8:12-13:

“Although a sinner does evil a hundred times and may lengthen his life, still I know that it will be well for those who fear God, who fear Him openly.  But it will not be well for the evil man and he will not lengthen his days like a shadow, because he does not fear God.”

What does it mean for me to fear God?  How does that look in my daily life?  

I love what William Barrick says:  “A true God-fearer lives with a full awareness of the omnipresence of the omniscient and omnipotent God.  He or she goes through life more conscious of what God thinks or knows, rather than of what people might think or know.”

We are bombarded today with what many people think or know…or think they know, as is often the case.  

Sometimes the pressure to conform to our culture is strong, and at other times it’s quietly insidious.  I know some wonderful people who are living lifestyles that are directly opposed to what God says.  It’s easy to condone them because I love them, or I am drawn in by their sincerity and kindness.  

But I, as a follower of Christ, must be conscious of what God thinks…of what He clearly says in scripture as to what is right or wrong.

Peer pressure is as sharp in my life today as it was when I was a teenager.  I don’t want to appear mean in any way.  And I shouldn’t be.  

But sometimes today we are told we are hateful if we don’t fully embrace lifestyles or actions that God clearly defines as sin.  Yet God says that those who do live in sin are living that way because they do not fear God.

I believe this is what it means to “fear God openly.”  It means to stand strong for truth…GOD’S truth…even if all around us are those who do otherwise.  We stand for God because we fear Him out of our love and respect for Him.

But more importantly, because of His great and eternal love for us who are His children.

Sometimes I think of God clearing His throat when I start misbehaving…when I stray into thoughts or activities that He knows are wrong.  I need to straighten up at His urging and turn from what He is telling me is wrong.  

God loves me even more than my dad did all those years ago.  

And that’s a lot!

My Occupied Heart

On a shelf in our family room is this picture taken in 1983 at Gary’s Flight School Graduation Banquet.  We were at Fort Rucker, Alabama, where Gary completed the Army’s helicopter training.  

Because of my dress, Aaron thinks this picture is from our wedding day.  He loves showing people this picture when they are at our house.

“This is my Mom and Dad getting married,” he begins.

“No, Aaron, this was not our wedding…” I try to interject.

“See?” Aaron interjects above my interjection.

“Mom was skinny,” he says too loudly.

The ensuing laughter only encourages him.

“She had long hair,” he continues.

My death stare matters nothing to him.

“And she was young,” he finishes with a flourish.

At this point Aaron is bent over, rubbing his hands together furiously…which indicates great excitement…and laughing as he relishes everyone’s reactions, especially mine.

It’s obvious that all these supposedly desirable traits are in the PAST tense, right?

You know, I have never let my age bother me much.  I am thankful to be healthy and able bodied.  I don’t have cataracts or glaucoma, and so far, I do have my original knees and hips…and most of my original teeth in one form or another.

But if I focus on what Aaron says about my former self, well, it can be downright depressing if I’m not careful.

Tomorrow I will celebrate another year of life.  And for some reason, this birthday has made me blink a few times.

Like…wait, what?!  I’m HOW old?

I’m not ashamed of my age, so I’ll just come out with it.

I am…ahem…about to turn 69 years old.  

You know what that means about next year.  

GULP!!!

Gary and I got a late start at marriage, an even later start at having children, and a very late start to have a grandchild.  That last one was out of our hands.  Somehow, it’s all made me feel like I’m not as…ahem…old as I really and truly am.

Yeah, I cover some of it with hair color but then there are the moments when I stand up and feel my hip give a twinge it didn’t used to give…that original hip.

Times I back into a chair and realize that’s exactly how my Grandma did it.

There’s the periodic catch in my back that makes me realize why some people walk bent over the shopping cart handle.

Why do I seem to need a little power nap more days than not?

And I am not even going to discuss the wrinkled neck!!

I’ve been studying through the book of Ecclesiastes, and I had to laugh at the verse I read just two days ago.  At the end of chapter 5, Solomon talks about how God desires that mankind enjoy God’s gifts, whether the person is poor or wealthy.  It’s foolish to moan over being poor or to hoard your wealth. 

Then comes this jewel in verse 20:

“For he will not often consider the years of his life, because God keeps him occupied with the gladness of his heart.”

God gave me my birthday verse!!

There is NO reason for me to be consumed with the wear and tear of my body parts, to worry about my not-as-sharp mind, and all the rest of it.

I am instead to live with a heart that is occupied with the joy promised to me by the giver of real joy…God Himself!

“You have put gladness in my heart, more than when their grain and new wine abound.  In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You alone, O Lord, make me to dwell in safety.”   (Psalm 4:7-8)

What will occupy my heart in year 69?  

The choice is mine.

The ability is God’s.

But We Need the Rain

It sure has been stormy over a large part of the country this spring.  We have had our share of strong storms here in Kansas as well.  After several years of drought, the comment I hear over and over after another storm…and have many times said myself…is, “But we need the rain!” 

Storms certainly can be beneficial, and beautiful, too.  

But they can be hard as well, and scary.

I woke up this morning to another storm passing through.  But I also had the thought of life’s storms on my mind.  That’s because Aaron had five hard seizures during the night.  I finally had to give him a rescue med.  These times with Aaron leave me in an emotional frame of mind, vulnerable in my spirit.  It’s important that I corral my thoughts and there is no better way to do that than to spend time with the Lord.

I opened my old devotional book, Streams in the Desert, to today’s date.  The scripture today was from Mark 4.  It’s the story of Jesus getting in the boat with His disciples on the Sea of Galilee.  The first sentence on the page was this:

“Even when we go forth at Christ’s command, we need not expect to escape storms…”

The storm outside my window matched the storm in my heart, and so God had a special storm story for me.  I love His love for me!  I love how He gives to me exactly what I need, exactly when I need it.

Jesus knew that His disciples would encounter a strong storm out on the lake. After all, He created the storm!  The disciples, terrified, cried out to Jesus as the storm tossed the boat.  Jesus, asleep, was awakened by their frantic voices asking Him if He didn’t even care that they were perishing.

Jesus calmed the storm and then gently rebuked them.

“Why are you afraid?” he asked them.  “Do you still have no faith?”

Jesus put His followers in a place of testing.  In their storm, He showed His power and in so doing, He used it to increase their faith.  

I have learned, especially in our life with Aaron, that God has put me in a boat and said, “Let’s go over to the other side.”  

But getting there involves hard times.  I don’t like the storms, but how they increase my faith and my love for Him!

Just like realizing how much we need the rain that our storms have brought, so I realize that the sufferings of my life bring me what God knows I need.

And this lesson is huge:  God hasn’t commanded me to understand.  He HAS commanded me to trust.  

If I had all the answers as to the why’s of suffering, I would have no need to trust.  In learning to trust, my walk with God is sweeter and deeper than I would ever have known otherwise.

“We never know how much real faith we have until it is put to the test in some fierce storm; and that is the reason why the Savior is on board.”   (Streams in the Desert)

God in His kindness ended this day with a gorgeous sky, a perfect picture of the beauty of knowing and trusting Him.