I'm Patty, and my husband and I are living with our adult son who has autism and epilepsy. I love sharing lessons learned from life around me, especially life with Aaron.
It sure has been stormy over a large part of the country this spring. We have had our share of strong storms here in Kansas as well. After several years of drought, the comment I hear over and over after another storm…and have many times said myself…is, “But we need the rain!”
Storms certainly can be beneficial, and beautiful, too.
But they can be hard as well, and scary.
I woke up this morning to another storm passing through. But I also had the thought of life’s storms on my mind. That’s because Aaron had five hard seizures during the night. I finally had to give him a rescue med. These times with Aaron leave me in an emotional frame of mind, vulnerable in my spirit. It’s important that I corral my thoughts and there is no better way to do that than to spend time with the Lord.
I opened my old devotional book, Streams in the Desert, to today’s date. The scripture today was from Mark 4. It’s the story of Jesus getting in the boat with His disciples on the Sea of Galilee. The first sentence on the page was this:
“Even when we go forth at Christ’s command, we need not expect to escape storms…”
The storm outside my window matched the storm in my heart, and so God had a special storm story for me. I love His love for me! I love how He gives to me exactly what I need, exactly when I need it.
Jesus knew that His disciples would encounter a strong storm out on the lake. After all, He created the storm! The disciples, terrified, cried out to Jesus as the storm tossed the boat. Jesus, asleep, was awakened by their frantic voices asking Him if He didn’t even care that they were perishing.
Jesus calmed the storm and then gently rebuked them.
“Why are you afraid?” he asked them. “Do you still have no faith?”
Jesus put His followers in a place of testing. In their storm, He showed His power and in so doing, He used it to increase their faith.
I have learned, especially in our life with Aaron, that God has put me in a boat and said, “Let’s go over to the other side.”
But getting there involves hard times. I don’t like the storms, but how they increase my faith and my love for Him!
Just like realizing how much we need the rain that our storms have brought, so I realize that the sufferings of my life bring me what God knows I need.
And this lesson is huge: God hasn’t commanded me to understand. He HAS commanded me to trust.
If I had all the answers as to the why’s of suffering, I would have no need to trust. In learning to trust, my walk with God is sweeter and deeper than I would ever have known otherwise.
“We never know how much real faith we have until it is put to the test in some fierce storm; and that is the reason why the Savior is on board.” (Streams in the Desert)
God in His kindness ended this day with a gorgeous sky, a perfect picture of the beauty of knowing and trusting Him.
My husband, Gary, was a helicopter and fixed-wing pilot in the Army for the first nearly 20 years of our marriage. We were stationed in Colorado when he got orders to serve in Germany. It’s all a bit of a blur, those months of separation as he attended a school before we went to Germany.
Finally, it was time for the movers to come. They loaded up our belongings for transport to Germany. Well, not all our belongings. Most of our furniture and all our appliances were put into storage, waiting on our return to the states later…six years later, though we didn’t know at the time it would be that long.
Several more months went by before Gary was assigned temporary quarters. Off I went with two babies to join him in Germany. Our temp quarters were on the fourth floor of an old WW2 building. The laundry room was down in the basement. Our apartment was full of military furniture that had been used by who knows how many families before us.
Eventually we moved into our permanent quarters. We had a nice apartment on the top floor of our building, complete with a balcony. We called this “stairwell living.” We had some of our furniture but most of what we had was sturdy, used military grade furnishings. Nothing fancy, for sure, but usable.
All of us wives were in the same boat. When we would get together, we often found ourselves talking about the furniture we had back in the states. One missed her living room set, another her big hutch and her nice dishes, or the beautiful bedroom suit one had bought shortly before getting their orders for Germany.
We would laugh and carry on, but all of us did miss what we used to have.
There are times we all miss what used to be.
The parents who are no longer here on earth. Or who are here but not here, and we care for them as though they were our children.
The spouse gone way too soon.
The child that we never dreamed we would lose.
The empty house when all the children are gone.
The healthy body we or our loved one had but is now ravaged by illness or slowed by age.
The friendships damaged beyond repair.
The ministries that once were but are now gone.
We all have our lists, don’t we? The memories flood in sometimes, and we can say with David in Psalm 42:3-4:
“My tears have been my food day and night…these things I remember and I pour out my soul within me.”
Memories of what was but is no more.
“Sometimes we can remember a ‘before,’ which is no longer present in the ‘now,’ doesn’t seem recoverable, and it saddens and distresses us.” (Dale Davis)
But David doesn’t end it there.
“O my God, my soul is in despair within me; THEREFORE I remember You from the land of the Jordan and the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.” (v. 6)
No matter his location or how far he was from the familiar paths of his life, David remembered WHO he needed to remember in the middle of his despair.
He remembered God.
God my rock, David said.
God my hope.
God my help.
God is present with me today, in my now, just as He was in my past.
All of you who follow Christ can say the same thing. Yes, memories can be a blessing, but they can also bring pain and depression.
O God, help us to not only remember what was, but to remember Who IS!
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father There is no shadow of turning with Thee. Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not. As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
Great is Thy faithfulness, Great is Thy faithfulness. Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided. Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.
Summer and winter and springtime and harvest Sun, moon and stars in their courses above. Join with all nature in manifold witness To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Great is Thy faithfulness. Great is Thy faithfulness. Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed Thy hand hath provided. Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide. Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. Blessings all mine with 10,000 beside.
I’m sitting here tonight at my desk, feeling the weight of hurt that someone I love is enduring. Yet knowing, too, that God is at work answering prayers that have been prayed for years.
Sometimes God’s answers come with pain.
Praying with that knowledge is an act of sacrifice.
I don’t like pain and hurt, and I especially don’t like to see those I love in that condition.
A few weeks ago, I drove to see a sweet friend for the day. I shot this quick picture while I headed down the road.
That cloud was both beautiful and intimidating. Would it just stay a gorgeous cloud, or would it turn into a storm? On I went on the road I needed to take. Turns out there was a little thunder later but mostly I enjoyed a very pretty sky that God gave.
About this same time, I read I Corinthians 7. Paul was encouraging people of various situations in life…wives, Jews, Gentiles, slaves. He ended the section with these words:
“Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called.” (I Cor. 7:24)
Three words jumped out at me.
Remain with God.
Whatever the condition to which we are called, we are to remain with God.
Sometimes…very often, actually…life’s situations to which God calls us are just plain hard.
Cancer. Oh, the dear friends I have who are battling cancer.
Dementia. Loss of a loved one. Or caring for a loved one with a serious illness.
Parenting special needs of any age.
And this world. This sad, scary, upended world.
But through it all, we are to remain with God.
Like that road I was driving, straight with a curve up ahead and a big uncertain cloud, but on which I knew I must remain until I reached my destination.
Remain with God through the tears, the fears, the pain, the pressures.
Don’t give up on God. Listen to what else Paul said about his own thorn in the flesh that God allowed him to have.
“And He has said to me, My grace is sufficient for you; for My power is made perfect in weakness.” (II Cor. 12:9)
If I don’t remain with God, then I will not be able to partake of His amazing and sufficient grace, or to experience His awesome power in my life.
Being under the hand of my loving Father is where I need to remain, regardless of the circumstances in which I find myself…or in which I find those that I love.
Several years ago, I had an experience with a small weed in one of my front yard flower beds.
I had become so busy with my other gardening that I had put off the task of pulling that little weed. It didn’t seem like such a big deal. The outward growth, though, hid what was happening under the ground, out of sight.
Here is what I wrote:
One hot day as I worked among my flowers, I looked down and saw that this little weed had grown significantly. Still, it wasn’t huge but it sure was larger than I had noticed before. Silly me, I thought. Why have I been waiting to pull this once-little weed? I just need to get rid of it now, I reasoned. I reached down and gave the weed a pull, and nothing happened. I pulled a bit harder, and still the weed didn’t budge. I gripped harder on the small growth, gave a firmer yank, and still it sat firm in its place in the dirt. This small, harmless weed was certainly being stubborn! It wasn’t letting go of its foothold very easily at all! I was so deceived by the small growth that I could see that I was in turn shocked by its apparently deep growth in the soil. I once again got a firmer hold, jiggled the weed back and forth, pulled with all my might and finally out came the root. What a surprise! The root was very long – much longer in proportion to the rest of the plant. While I had procrastinated about getting rid of the little weed or argued with myself about how harmless the little weed was, this small weed was growing a deep root system that could have damaged or killed my pretty Coreopsis. There was no excuse for my neglect – a wise gardener knows better.
Sometimes I let attitudes fester in my heart…attitudes that are, quite frankly, sin. It’s easy to say, “Well, now, you have every right to feel that way. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
And every time I give myself that little pep talk, I am letting that root grow deeper and deeper in my life until it’s not so little anymore.
I have been keenly aware of this fact as Gary and I care for Aaron. Usually after a stressful period, often involving Aaron’s anger, we find ourselves talking together as we try to understand him and handle his issues in the right way. So often, solutions are hard to come by. The effects of living long-term with him spill over into every area of our lives. We go back 17 years to the time we were making decisions about his future.
Did we make the right choices? We were headed in one direction and the doors closed. Or did they?
I am constantly reminding myself that all those years ago we were seeking God’s will and we were desiring to walk in that path of God’s choosing for us and for Aaron. I must consciously trust God today with our past decisions…decisions that touch us in ways today that we never dreamed.
The impact of having Aaron with us now affects our “golden years” in so many unforeseen ways. We know that future decisions will be upon us some day, but there is a bigger issue for me right now.
That issue is bitterness. How easy it is to find ourselves saying, “If it wasn’t for Aaron, we could do this or that, go here or there, etc., etc., etc.”
And soon my eyes are on the hindrances of life with Aaron rather than the joy of being in God’s will…of doing His work within the walls of our home…of loving Aaron and caring for him.
We are physical creatures. We get tired. We get discouraged.
And sadly, we compare ourselves to others in those vulnerable moments when we’re scrolling through social media or having conversations.
Before I know it, the bitter root is taking deeper root in my heart. And while I understand that my feelings are normal, I also know that I cannot let myself perch there.
I must not settle for a life of bitterness.
These verses spoke to me so deeply this morning:
“O Lord, lead me in Your righteousness because of my foes; make Your way straight before me.” (Psalm 5:8)
My foes…my enemies…are those attitudes within me that contradict what God says is right. A big one is this issue of bitterness over the result of God’s past leading.
We trusted Him then to put us on the right path, and so we can trust Him now to provide all we need to face the results of walking on that path.
I need God’s leading and His righteousness to overcome that bitter root that seeks to take hold. Here is the result of trusting Him:
“Let all who take refuge in You be glad; let them ever sing for joy; and may You shelter them, that those who love Your name may exult in You.” (Psalm 5:11)
Paul told the believers in Ephesus that through the power of the Holy Spirit, they could be rooted and grounded in love.
Not rooted in bitterness but rooted in love…the love of Christ seen in their lives.
I must stop and check where I am allowing my roots to grow. We all do, right? We have so many hurts in life…so many stresses that pile up around us.
O Lord, lead me in Your righteousness. Do not allow me to lead myself into bitterness.
I love this old hymn. The lyrics speak well to each of us, wherever we are in our life of following Christ.
He leadeth me, O blessed thought! O words with heav’nly comfort fraught! Whate’er I do, where’er I be Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.
Refrain: He leadeth me, He leadeth me, By His own hand He leadeth me; His faithful foll’wer I would be, For by His hand He leadeth me.
Sometimes ’mid scenes of deepest gloom, Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom, By waters still, o’er troubled sea, Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.
Lord, I would place my hand in Thine, Nor ever murmur nor repine; Content, whatever lot I see, Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.
And when my task on earth is done, When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won, E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee, Since God through Jordan leadeth me.
Two nights ago, I awoke to bright lightning flashing outside our window. Then came the crashing thunder. Two hours later, we had a repeat as another storm roared through.
A few hours later, the sun was shining as I looked out my favorite window. The view was so beautiful. The leaves on our huge oak tree looked crisp, the grass was so green, and the sky was beautiful with unthreatening clouds.
Even though the storms earlier were loud and a little scary, the benefits were well worth the dark experience of the night. We need the rain. And I was so blessed by the very pretty view that morning.
So often, the aftermath of a storm carries with it refreshment and joy.
The same is true in the life of a believer.
We don’t often understand this side of heaven just why we go through trials of life. But what we do know and understand is this:
“…I am the Lord and there is no other, the One forming light and creating darkness, causing well-being and creating calamity; I am the Lord who does all these.” (Isaiah 45:6-7)
These promises to Israel continue:
“For thus says the Lord, just as I brought all this great disaster on this people, so I am going to bring on them all the good that I am promising them.” (Jeremiah 32:42)
The God of Old Testament Israel is our God today, and His character and purposes have not changed. He has a reason for every circumstance and event in the life of those who know and follow Him.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
There is so much work that God wants to do in us. Even Jesus learned obedience through the things which He suffered. (Hebrews 5:8). How much more do I need to learn the same?
Let me close with sharing one recent experience. We were having a particularly rough behavior evening with Aaron. We couldn’t understand why. Then after supper, while I was at the kitchen sink and Aaron was a few feet away, he suddenly went into a seizure. These drop seizures are both terrifying and dangerous. He falls like a tree and has been injured several times over the years…staples, stitches, a lost tooth, CAT scans to check for concussions, and so forth.
Because I was so near and heard the seizure start, I was able to turn to him and grab him as I yelled for Gary. I lowered Aaron to the ground as he fell while Gary ran in and was able to help.
Later, feeling depleted and very emotional, I sat in a chair near Aaron as he slept and recovered. And I prayed. I was able to practice what God has taught me over the years.
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15)
I was able to be thankful…thankful that I was near Aaron when the seizure started…that Gary was able to help…that Aaron was not injured…and that later he was his happy self again.
Honestly, I don’t say, “I’m so happy that Aaron has seizures!”
No. But I can, because of what I know about God, be thankful for both the ways that God takes care of Aaron and for all that God has taught me over the years as I have learned to completely trust Him with this son whom we love so much.
It’s like looking out that window after the storm and seeing that the storm has brought to me another layer of growth and beauty despite the fear and struggles.
I pray the same for each of you today as you gaze out the windows of your life at the works that God has done because of, and after, the storms.
It’s been terribly dry here in Kansas for way too long. The wells out in our “used-to-be-country” neighborhood are running very low. Some have dried up. Some of the ponds used for cattle are just puddles now. And the wheat crop is predicted to be the poorest in 60 years.
Therefore, I was happy to hear a low rumble of thunder early this morning. As I sat on our patio and finished my quiet time, the sky began to darken. I was very thankful for the rain that began to fall. It was a gift from God!
Aaron was out of bed not long after and he sat with me to enjoy the rain as well. Soon we were both ready to head out the door for our Meals on Wheels delivery. The once gentle rain was now a downpour.
“Well,” I told Aaron, “we really need this rain so I’m not going to complain about it.”
We picked up our meals, loading them into the van as the rain came down and our clothes began to get wet. At our first house, I opened the side van door and bagged the food. Rain was a cold presence on the back of my shirt as I tried to lean in the van. Aaron had already run to the client’s door, so I juggled the bag of food and my large umbrella, getting even wetter.
We chatted a minute with our friend, Aaron crunched in the corner of the small porch under a tiny awning and me under the umbrella. Rain washed over us again as we got in the van, feet now soaked from the standing water.
As we backed out of the driveway, I happily made a little rhyme.
“Oh, the rain is a pain but I’m not going to complain!” I sang to Aaron.
Amazingly, he tolerated my silliness and off we went to the next house. More rain, this time with some mud from the unpaved road as well as huge drops of water landing on us under the very low hanging branches at her uncovered door…branches that caught my umbrella and made it useless.
“This is great!” I exclaimed as we handed her the food. “We do need the rain! See you next week!”
By the fifth house, the rain was coming down even harder. We ran up the wheelchair ramp, where our client was already at her door. She was taking the dog bones that Aaron handed her for her two dogs. I handed her the rather soggy bag of food and asked her how she was doing.
“I’m doing just fine,” she said, her face glowing with peace as she sat there in her wheelchair.
She looked then at Aaron.
“Thank you so much for the dog bones,” she told him. “My dogs love you for that.”
Aaron beamed. Then she handed him one of the bones so that he could give it to her rambunctious dog himself. She smiled as much as Aaron as he so excitedly watched the dog eat his bone.
“Thank you and God bless you,” she said as we turned to leave. I noticed how pretty she looked…how content despite her situation.
At the next house we got to see our friend who had a serious fall a couple months ago. She has been in the hospital and in rehab, and today was the first time we have been able to see her since her accident.
Her smile was huge as she greeted us. I wanted to talk about how she is doing but she wanted to focus on Aaron, hearing all about his recent seizure fall. I finally managed to ask about how she’s doing, and she too said that she was getting along fine as she downplayed all that she has been through. She is a sweet believer, and her joy is evident.
My joy was getting harder to muster as we went once more out into the rain.
“Whew!” I said, “I’m getting tired of this rain.”
“But I’m glad we’re getting the rain,” I quickly added as I remembered my earlier determination to be thankful.
My heart felt that little pinch of the Holy Spirit reminding me of just how much this morning is a picture of my life.
Oh, it’s easy to be all spiritual and thankful while I’m sitting on the patio, protected from the rains of life. I can be an observer and have all the answers with all the right verses and attitudes as long as I’m not actually getting wet.
But let me step out into the storm and see what happens. Getting wet and cold and muddy can quickly begin to take a toll on my patio attitude. Soon I’m not so thankful for the rain that I had earlier said I needed.
The splashing of life’s trials has a way of diminishing my once-strong faith.
I feel cold. Tired.
And the path can make my feet muddy.
Misery sets in, no matter how much I said I needed this weather sent from God.
No matter how much I quote Romans 8:28.
And while I may not be actively shaking my fist at God, I find that the flame of faith and joy in my heart is flickering in the rain.
It’s difficult to stay strong and positive in the downpours, especially prolonged storms that have no foreseen solution or resolve.
Honestly, I have been struggling some with Aaron issues over the past few months. Feeling discouraged more than I should.
“Lord! I know I said that I need whatever you send, and that I can trust you. But I’m getting tired and wet and muddy and uncomfortable!”
Yet the Lord, in His patience, used my experience this morning to prod my heart.
And He used the most surprising people to touch my soggy spirit…people who have every reason to be extremely tired of the rains in their lives.
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!
Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication WITH THANKSGIVING let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
I remember teaching prepositions to our children years ago as we homeschooled. I wanted them to understand not only what a preposition was, but to also grasp the huge difference that a preposition made in our speech and our writing. Therefore, my instruction went something like this:
“Let’s get IN the car. Not under the car…behind the car…by the car…near the car…on the car…but IN the car.”
Why am I talking about prepositions?
Because the little preposition ‘IN’ jumped out at me recently IN Joshua 3:8.
God had led the children of Israel to the promised land. Not just TO the promised land, but now they were IN the land.
Yet a huge obstacle stood in their way. The Jordan River stood between them and the land that God had promised them.
Now typically, crossing the Jordan River wouldn’t have been such a big deal. But God chose to have the Israelites cross the Jordan during flood stage.
A little geography lesson might help us grasp just how difficult this crossing was. As Dale Davis says, “…the river helps one to appreciate the miracle.”
The river’s floodplain between the Sea of Galilee and the Dead Sea is packed with tangled brush and jungle growth. Crossing the river during flood stage was extremely dangerous, not only because of the raging current but because of the jungle growth underneath the water that would entangle you.
As I was reading about God leading the Israelites to go over the Jordan in Joshua 3, a phrase in verse 8 jumped off the page and right into my heart. God told the priests:
“…when you come to the edge of the waters of the Jordan, you shall stand still IN the Jordan.”
God didn’t tell the priests to be still near the Jordan…beside the Jordan…at the Jordan…but IN the Jordan.
I have written before about Psalm 46:10, my mother’s favorite verse. In fact, I have her framed copy of that wonderful reminder to “Be still and know that I am God.”
Be still. Quit striving. And know that God is God.
That’s the only knowledge we need as we walk through this life.
Sometimes God leads us right into the flood. We feel helpless and scared…maybe confused and bitter.
But this is where our trust in God can and should grow, even as the flood swirls around us and the undergrowth attempts to pull us under.
What is your Jordan today?
“Perhaps He brings us into impossible circumstances, situations so bleak and hopeless, for the purpose of impressing upon us that if we make it through, if we endure it, if we are not overwhelmed and washed away, it will be only because of His grace and power.” (Dale Ralph Davis)
So, be still IN your Jordan, and watch God work His best for you in that place of trust and peace.
Early one morning I heard a soft pecking sound. I was downstairs when I heard it. I thought it was coming from outside, so I opened the door but didn’t see anything. Still the sound persisted.
I went upstairs, where I heard it again. I went into one of our bedrooms and found the source. Here was the culprit.
This isn’t the first time we have had this happen. A female cardinal has done this over the years on occasion. Research has shown us that there are several possible reasons for this behavior. Females are very territorial, especially at this time of year when they are nesting. She may see her reflection in the window and thinks she sees another bird, so she might be trying to chase it away. Or she may see the reflection of the tree behind her in the window and might be wanting to check it out as a nesting site.
But the reasons for this silly bird’s actions are not the reasons for this blog.
I had fun showing Aaron our little cardinal as she pecked on our window repeatedly.
That night after we had prayed, Aaron came into my bedroom.
“Mom,” he said, “you should have prayed, ‘And help the woman cardinal’s head to not hurt.’ 😊
Our little confused cardinal has also interrupted my quiet mornings in our family room, and in our living room as well.
She is one determined little bird!
But I’ve thought of how useless her struggles are, when right behind her is a tree full of available branches for nesting. There are also bushes all around that area.
And how her possible fears of another bird in her territory are nonsense. Little does she know or realize that she is truly wasting precious time and energy as she flies into the windows, and pecks and pecks at nothing.
But oh dear, I am so much like that little “woman cardinal,” as Aaron said.
I struggle with myself over God’s leading in my life more than I care to admit. Years ago, when Gary was retiring from the military, we tried and tried to move near our extended families. However, no jobs at all were opening up for him. The only feasible job…the best opportunity…and the one that God kept leading us to as we prayed…is far away from where we hoped to live.
And now here we are, with two of our adult children living far away from US…one to the north and the other to the south, along with our precious new grandson. And we have Aaron, who is a huge reason that we are tied to staying where we are with great services and medical care here.
BUT…we did pray for God’s leading many years ago…and we did see Him lead us here.
BUT…because here isn’t always easy…how do I react?
Isaiah spoke to God’s people about how they depended on themselves instead of depending on God to protect them. God led them to their land centuries earlier, and to the city He chose for them.
Jerusalem was that city.
But Jerusalem had a huge feature that left them vulnerable to their enemies.
Their water supply was from the spring of Gihon, outside the city walls. With their human ingenuity, the inhabitants built a conduit to keep water flowing into the city. But then they developed an attitude of pride and trust in their accomplishment as they ignored God.
They had become focused on how to solve their water problem without depending on God.
Did God not know that Jerusalem’s location had this weakness…this problem?
Of course He knew!
Did God make a mistake when He led them there?
No!
“Did He not knowingly choose a city with a vulnerable water supply so that living in His city actually required an attitude and commitment of faith that what He thus chose He would also Himself safeguard?” (Alec Motyer)
How about me? You?
Am I like that little cardinal, trying for a better situation or a safer location than the one to which God has led me?
“….it is a sin to depart from a position of simple, uncomplicated, trustful faith, and to replace it with man-made devices and securities. Where the Lord has made promises our calling is to trust that He will keep His word, and to pray, and look to Him that He will do so.” (Alec Motyer)
I look around me, at friends and family and others that come across my path.
It doesn’t make sense that a spouse died and left his wife widowed far too soon.
That cancer took a daughter, a wife with young children, after so many prayers and hopes for healing.
That a mother collapsed and died so suddenly.
That a family is reeling from years of caring for their young son who is fighting cancer after multiple amputations.
You know the stories.
You have your own.
Recently my cousin and his wife, David and Cindy, left me with these verses that have filled them with great hope at this time in their lives.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)
David was recently put on hospice care as his cancer is no longer responding to treatments. Yet he can say, “It’s often so hard to make sense of what God is up to, but we must keep trusting, keep persevering.”
And from Cindy, “…all these trials are used by God in shaping us and growing our faith to His glory! We are not alone. Hebrews 13:5 – I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
What a testimony of trust and faith they are to so many!
Oh little “woman cardinal,” you do not need to struggle so to find a better tree or to fight an imaginary enemy!
And oh, dear one today, if you know Christ and follow Him then trust that where He leads you is where He will supply your every need and fulfill His perfect plan for your life.
You do not need to struggle, acting as if God has made mistakes in your life.
I hopped out of my van as I ran some errands a few days ago. Well, hopped may be a stretch. More like I stepped out of my van, in all honesty.
I had noticed this beautiful sky and being as I love taking sky pictures, I paused to snap a quick shot.
I knew, though, that it probably wouldn’t be the best view because of the surroundings.
“Nah,” I thought as I looked at the picture on my phone. “It’s too cluttered with ugliness.”
I almost deleted it then and there but decided to look at it later and decide.
As I thought about that picture, and as I looked at it on my computer, the view reminded me of some things.
Those “not-so-pretty” poles and buildings and store sign are a lot like our lives. I can say “our” because we all know that every person on the planet has a life that gets cluttered with “stuff.”
We wish our view could be like this picture that I took this week as well.
How gorgeous! How impressive!
But life isn’t picture perfect for any of us. Life is full of grit.
Some of the hardships we handle are private. We don’t want anyone to know about them, either because of pride or because we don’t want to bother others with our “stuff.”
Other areas of life are there for all to see. We might try to hide our issues, or not talk about them, or hope that they’re not obvious. But at times the junk is out there and noticeable and we are humiliated.
Whatever is going on in our lives, though, that messes up the beauty doesn’t need to consume our vision.
It is up to me to choose my focus.
And so it is with our lives. On what am I focusing?
Better yet, on WHOM am I focusing?
“For my eyes are toward You, O God, the Lord;
In You I take refuge…” (Psalm 141:8)
Oh, may we all learn to shift our eyes from our problems, our pain, our hurts, our struggles…and instead focus toward God, our refuge.
God’s character never changes even as our situations do. His beauty is still there.
Turn from our grit to His glory.
“My eyes are continually toward the Lord…” (Psalm 25:15)
My spirit was heavy yesterday as I went about my getting-ready-for-the-day routine. Fresh on my mind was the night before. Most of the day before, actually.
Aaron. Anger because we said no to a game. His hovering presence as he told me not to write his name on our Christmas cards. Escalation from him and then finally from us.
Guilt. Regret. Failure.
There, in the heaviness, one of my very favorite Christmas songs came on Pandora.
Haul out
The holly
Put up the tree
Before my spirit
Falls again
Fill up
The stocking
I may be
Rushing things
But
Deck the halls
Again now.
I’ve loved that song since I was a child. Back then, life was simpler. Now, putting up a tree does not really keep my spirit from falling.
The day before, Aaron and I found out that one of our dear Meals on Wheels clients had suddenly died. His dog, Buster, was Aaron’s favorite. As we sat in the van, talking to the man’s daughter on the phone, Aaron was as shocked as I. He bent over and put the two dog bones he was going to give Buster back in the box. The look on his face broke my heart.
But Santa, dear
We’re in a hurry
So climb
Down the chimney
Turn on
The brightest
String of light
I’ve ever seen
Slice up
The fruitcake
It’s time
We hung
Some tinsel
On that
Evergreen bough.
The trappings of Christmas just aren’t cutting it right now.
Santa…lights…tinsel…definitely not fruitcake!
Not for me…not for my friend just diagnosed with breast cancer…not for our friends just home with their Speedy from yet another hospital stay…
For we need
A little music
Need
A little laughter
Need
A little singing
Ringing through
The rafter
And we need
A little snappy
“Happy ever after”
Need a little
Christmas now.
A little snappy “happy every after” is not what our friends at the funeral home needed to hear from us the other evening as they deeply grieve their son who took his life.
The next song began playing.
O little town of Bethlehem
How still we see thee lie
Above thy deep and dreamless sleep
The silent stars go by
Yet in they dark streets shineth
The everlasting light
The hopes and fears of all the years
Are met in thee tonight
Oh holy child of Bethlehem
Descend to us we pray
Cast out our sins and enter in
Be born to us today.
Certainly not a peppy, fun song.
But there is the real light that we need! Our hopes and our fears…our pain and sadness…our disappointments…
All are met in Him!
Jesus came to be our Savior, not to be the afterthought of all our Christmas decorations and gifts and food.
O morning stars together
Proclaim thy holy birth
And praises sing to God the King
And peace to men on earth
O hear thy sacred angels
As faith holds wide the door
Then darkness wakes, the glory breaks
As Christmas comes once more.
Jesus was born to be the answer to all of life’s hurts…hurts that can’t be ignored even at this special time of year.
No amount of fevered activity can relieve our sorrows.
We can’t manufacture a festive answer that truly lasts. What are we left with when the lights are taken down…the food is eaten…the gifts are opened?
We’re left either with a hollow void waiting to be filled again with our feeble attempts at happiness.
Or we’re left with Jesus.
HE is the light of the world. He wants to be your Savior.
Jesus has the answers that truly last amid life’s struggles.
Thank God for His unspeakable gift, the only gift we really need.
He Said What?! 