Category: God’s Promises

An Enemy and A River

I felt the knots in my stomach as Tuesday’s election results came in, and the reality of the results became clear.  

Is this really happening in America, I wondered?  

I felt a heaviness and a deep sadness for so many reasons.  I know God is in control but that punch in the gut was there for me just the same.

I had decided on that day that I would re-visit the book of Joshua in my morning quiet time the following day.   And there it was that morning, such a clear and encouraging truth from God.  One I have known for years but need to hear again in times such as these.

God had led Israel across the wilderness, despite their disobedience, and brought them to this place of promise.

But Moses had just died.  Their leader was gone when they needed him the most.

Ahead of them was a strong enemy nation, extremely violent and ungodly.  Israel didn’t even have an army.

There was also the matter of the Jordan River.  God led them to the river at flood stage, the worst time for crossing.

Could things be more dismal or hopeless?

But this was all part of God’s plan.  His timing is always perfect – in HIS eyes, that is.  Very often, not in ours.

God didn’t let a funeral or a strong enemy or a raging river stop Him.

“Moses is dead.  Now cross the Jordan,” God said.

Moses died, but God’s faithfulness did not.

This is what we all need to remember as we look at the fearful prospects of what is happening in our country.  Or as we experience the turmoil and stress of our lives in our homes and families.

God’s promise to Israel is also His promise to each of His followers today.

Listen to what God told Joshua:

“No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life.  Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you.  I will not fail you or forsake you.”   (Joshua 1:5)

And hear what God says to believers today:

“…I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you, so that we confidently say, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.  What will man do to me?”   (Hebrews 13:5-6)

The phrase, “I will not fail you,” in Joshua means that God will not relax His grip.

God will not let go of us who follow Him.

He is holding us as we see the rise of socialism and communism in America.

But He is also gripping our hand during every stress we face behind the walls of our own homes.  

I took these two pictures on the same day, at sunrise and sunset.  Let’s remember:

            “From the rising of the sun…

           

  to its setting…

            the name of the Lord is to be praised.”   (Psalm 113:3)

Great is His faithfulness!

Footprints

Not quite two weeks ago we had what might be our last snowstorm of the season.  One never knows here on the plains if that’s the case.  This storm came along with bitter temperatures and biting wind as well as the snow.

I reluctantly got out of bed on the second morning after the storm.  Lots of schools and other activities were closed, as well as Aaron’s day group, so it felt good to sleep in a little.  Still, it was hard to leave the warm bed for the colder house.  

As I so often do, I eventually went to one of our back windows to look outside at the view.  And was I ever surprised!  Something…or some things…had been very busy in our back yard during the night!  

I smiled at the sight of all those footprints.  What could have been walking in our yard while we slept?  There sure was plenty of evidence of lots of activity!

I have seen some other activity in my life recently.  God has been doing His work both in my heart and in the lives of others as He has answered some specific prayers.  

We all go through periods where our lives are like a dark night.  We have cold winds of worry or disappointment swirling all around us.  Fear knocks at our windows.  We can’t seem to see the way out or know the way to go.  

But for those who are walking with God, who are obeying Him and following Him, you are never alone.

You may not immediately see the image of his footprints in your life, but they are there.  As time goes on you will begin to see His presence in your life even when all seemed dark and cold and hopeless.  

God has promised to never abandon His children.  He is walking all through our lives, leaving His prints and His mark.  What He told Israel is still true for us today.

“The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you.  Do not fear or be dismayed.”  (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Just like I saw the evidence of all the unseen activity in our yard, so we can see the evidence of God’s footsteps in our lives.  

He has promised us His peace, not as the world gives, but the peace that passes understanding given by God Himself.

God has told us that the joy of the Lord will be our strength.

He has said that everything in the lives of His children works for our good.

God has promised to keep us safe, to bear our burdens, to make us glad, to make us new, to keep us near, and so many other precious promises.

Sometimes we walk through some very hard times, but God is right there going before us and beside us.  

We can trust His plan and His presence.  

His footprints are all over the place!  We can count on Him for that!

This old hymn says it perfectly.

Footsteps of Jesus

Sweetly, Lord, have we heard Thee calling,
Come, follow Me!
And we see where Thy footprints falling
Lead us to Thee.

  • Refrain:
    Footprints of Jesus,
    That make the pathway glow;
    We will follow the steps of Jesus
    Where’er they go.

Though they lead o’er the cold, dark mountains,
Seeking His sheep;
Or along by Siloam’s fountains,
Helping the weak.

If they lead through the temple holy,
Preaching the Word;
Or in homes of the poor and lowly,
Serving the Lord.

Though, dear Lord, in Thy pathway keeping,
We follow Thee;
Through the gloom of that place of weeping,
Gethsemane!

If Thy way and its sorrows bearing,
We go again,
Up the slope of the hillside, bearing
Our cross of pain.

By and by, through the shining portals,
Turning our feet,
We shall walk, with the glad immortals,
Heav’n’s golden street.

Then, at last, when on high He sees us,
Our journey done,
We will rest where the steps of Jesus
End at His throne.

Lean On Me, Aaron

Yesterday Aaron and I went to his annual PCSP meeting.  How many years have we had these meetings?  More than I can nearly remember.  

His case manager and I decided several years ago to hold our meeting at one of Aaron’s favorite restaurants, Carlos O’Kelly’s.  Aaron really doesn’t like meetings that discuss him unless we’re letting him do all the talking about really important stuff.  You know – matters like whether Pluto is a planet or not, what solar flares are, and are black holes really sucking in stars?!  But mulling over matters of his likes and dislikes, what he is or is not allowed to do at his day group, what his goals are, and so on and so forth…well, Aaron would rather leave the room and find someone who IS wanting to hear him talk about planets, flares, and black holes.  But put a plate of enchiladas, chips and salsa in front of him and he’ll endure our needless talk.

Aaron had gotten out of bed super early the past two mornings.  Space videos on YouTube were calling to him, I guess.  As we sat in our booth munching on chips and salsa, he started leaning and leaning until finally he was resting against me like a little child.  

I eased him over and he sat straight for a couple minutes, but then he began leaning into me again.  I knew that he was sleepy from his very early mornings and from his meds, but still I kept propping him up so he could eat and participate in the meeting if needed.

Later, as I drove us home, I looked over at him sleeping soundly in his seat.

  

He is sometimes showing that age is creeping up on him.  He even seems a little feeble at times, like he did as he leaned on me during lunch.  I know that seizures are taking a toll.  He has memory loss, tremors, drooling sometimes, and other effects of both seizures and medicines.  

My heart is stirred with so much love for him.  So much concern for his life now, and for what the future will hold for him.

Yet there are those other moments, too…more and more, it seems.  Moments when Aaron is frustrated when things are not going his way at his time.  He is becoming more impatient with waiting, more set in his routine, and more expressive when those frustrations mount.

Therefore, Gary and I are finding ourselves more stretched on some days.  Our own frustrations mount along with Aaron’s.  Stress seeps through every crack in our strong armor.

I look at Aaron leaning on me, and I know that he needs me when he is struggling, both physically and emotionally.  His reactions are often beyond his control.  Sometimes that fact is hard to remember.

So, who do I lean upon?  

God.

Yes, Gary and I support each other.  I have amazing friends who walk a similar journey to ours.  I have great family on both sides.

But it is God Who leans down to me as He did the other night and fills me with deep peace even as the storm swirls around me…Who understands my struggles…Who speaks comfort to me…Who assures me with these words:

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate (feed on) faithfulness.”   (Psalm 37:3)

I can feed on so many things like anger, comparisons to others, resentment…the list goes on.  

Or I can obey God and lean into Him.  He understands my need.  And I must understand my need to trust Him and do good.

To feed on faithfulness even when I just want to walk away.

Faithfulness to God, and faithfulness to our Aaron.

Knowing that this is also true:

“Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him and He will do it.”  (Psalm 37:5)

Commit.  Lay on God’s shoulders the heavy burden.  

He is strong enough for all my burdens and He is there for me to lean upon when I am tired and done.

And oh, I cannot express enough about the grace that God gives me to continue putting one foot in front of the other, day after day with Aaron.

It’s not one bit about how strong I am or that God gave Aaron to such an amazing parent.

But it IS all about how God meets me in my most down moments with His sweet peace and His words that speak such joy and comfort to me.

And as I learn to lean on God, I can be there for Aaron when he needs to lean on me. 

God holds me up so that I can do the same for Aaron.  

That’s even more amazing than all the black holes in the universe!

My Cross As A Crutch

Yesterday evening I was feeling particularly burdened over several things.  I felt the weight of the loads of life more than usual.

Harsh angry words from Aaron earlier in the day still reverberated in my mind.  Even worse were my own angry words thrown out to him in response.  

Then heavy on my heart was my conversation with the husband of my dear friend of many years.  Her disease is ravaging her mind, and my mind can’t wrap around the reality of that.  Emotions that I have kept in check spilled from my eyes.

I took my old Streams in the Desert devotional book and sat on the patio, soaking in the fresh air and the beginning of dusk.  I turned to the day’s date and saw this verse:  “Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.”  (Mark 8:34)

I began to read the words of Alexander Smellie, a Scottish preacher who died 100 years ago.  

“The cross which my Lord bids me take up and carry may assume different shapes.  There are many crosses, and every one of them is sore and heavy.  But never is Jesus so near me as when I lift my cross, and lay it submissively on my shoulder, and give it the welcome of a patient and unmurmuring spirit.  He draws close, to ripen my wisdom, to deepen my peace, to increase my courage, to augment my power to be of use to others, through the very experience which is so grievous and distressing, and then…I grow under the load.”

Then the author added this:

“Use your cross as a crutch to help you on, and not as a stumbling block to cast you down.”

I know there are several meanings that carrying our cross conveys, yet all of them indicate a difficult load in life.  Every person I know is carrying a burden today, some more than others.

But Jesus also promised that if we come to Him with our burdens, He will give us rest:  “For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”  (Matthew 11:30)

The word “easy” means “tailor made.”  God knows exactly what is best for me, for my dear friends, for you.  He is not cruel.  Read again what the old Scottish preacher said.  

God is near in our burdens, giving us wisdom and filling us with purpose and peace we can learn no other way.

Oh, may I…may you…use our crosses as a crutch to help us walk through this life in a way that honors our Heavenly Father and grows us more like Him.

Stepping Into the Mist

Several years ago, I turned onto a road near our house, and this was the scene that met my eyes.

I couldn’t see very far ahead.  And even though I knew the road, I didn’t know what might be on the road out of my sight.  The fog hid what was there, beyond my vision, but I knew I needed to go forward.

If you know Jesus as your Savior and are following Him, you know that there are certain times that He puts you on a road that is shrouded in the unknown.  I see it around me all the time, either with family and friends, or those that I don’t personally know.  And I have experienced it in my own life.

I will never forget the day that Aaron had his sudden first big seizure.  We were living in Germany where Gary was stationed in the military.  Aaron’s seizure was completely unexpected and terrifying.  I remember the cold fear that squeezed my heart.  Then came the ambulance ride, the days in the German children’s hospital, the language barrier, the exhaustion, and the shocking diagnosis of Epilepsy.  

But I also remember our first night back home, when I could finally sit at my desk and cry the tears I had held back all week.  And there it was…God’s amazing peace filled my hurting heart.  He reminded me that He had not gone anywhere…that He was with me and with Aaron…and that He was the same God whose character I had known for many years.  He had not changed one bit.  He had a reason for this unexpected bend in the road…this fog that I could not see through still held Him there with me.  

I could freeze in fear or be angry with God or be bitter about why He allowed such a thing to happen to our little Aaron.

Or I could step out in faith and trust in my heavenly Father.

I love what F. B. Meyer said: “There is nothing, indeed, which God will not do for a man who dares to step out upon what seems to be the mist; though as he puts down his foot he finds a rock beneath him.”

Moses knew this about God when he spoke to the assembly of Israel:

“For I proclaim the name of the Lord; ascribe greatness to our God!

The ROCK!  His work is perfect, for all His ways are just.

A God of faithfulness and without injustice, righteous and upright is He.

(Deuteronomy 32:3-4)

Whatever you are going through today, know that if you are following God, He will be your firm rock in the mists of fear and uncertainty.  

You will find a rock beneath your feet and that rock is God Himself.

And some day you will see that same road clearly, in all its purposes, as the best plan that God could ever have for you.

I Remember

My husband, Gary, was a helicopter and fixed-wing pilot in the Army for the first nearly 20 years of our marriage.  We were stationed in Colorado when he got orders to serve in Germany.  It’s all a bit of a blur, those months of separation as he attended a school before we went to Germany.  

Finally, it was time for the movers to come.  They loaded up our belongings for transport to Germany.  Well, not all our belongings.  Most of our furniture and all our appliances were put into storage, waiting on our return to the states later…six years later, though we didn’t know at the time it would be that long.

Several more months went by before Gary was assigned temporary quarters.  Off I went with two babies to join him in Germany.  Our temp quarters were on the fourth floor of an old WW2 building.  The laundry room was down in the basement.  Our apartment was full of military furniture that had been used by who knows how many families before us.

Eventually we moved into our permanent quarters.  We had a nice apartment on the top floor of our building, complete with a balcony.  We called this “stairwell living.”  We had some of our furniture but most of what we had was sturdy, used military grade furnishings.  Nothing fancy, for sure, but usable.

All of us wives were in the same boat.  When we would get together, we often found ourselves talking about the furniture we had back in the states.  One missed her living room set, another her big hutch and her nice dishes, or the beautiful bedroom suit one had bought shortly before getting their orders for Germany.

We would laugh and carry on, but all of us did miss what we used to have.

There are times we all miss what used to be.  

The parents who are no longer here on earth.  Or who are here but not here, and we care for them as though they were our children. 

The spouse gone way too soon.

The child that we never dreamed we would lose.

The empty house when all the children are gone.

The healthy body we or our loved one had but is now ravaged by illness or slowed by age.

The friendships damaged beyond repair.

The ministries that once were but are now gone.

We all have our lists, don’t we?  The memories flood in sometimes, and we can say with David in Psalm 42:3-4:

“My tears have been my food day and night…these things I remember and I pour out my soul within me.”

Memories of what was but is no more.

“Sometimes we can remember a ‘before,’ which is no longer present in the ‘now,’ doesn’t seem recoverable, and it saddens and distresses us.”  (Dale Davis)

But David doesn’t end it there.

“O my God, my soul is in despair within me; THEREFORE I remember You from the land of the Jordan and the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.” (v. 6)

No matter his location or how far he was from the familiar paths of his life, David remembered WHO he needed to remember in the middle of his despair.

He remembered God.

God my rock, David said.  

God my hope.

God my help.

God is present with me today, in my now, just as He was in my past.  

All of you who follow Christ can say the same thing.  Yes, memories can be a blessing, but they can also bring pain and depression.  

O God, help us to not only remember what was, but to remember Who IS!

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee.
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not.
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness,
Great is Thy faithfulness.
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided.
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above.
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness.
Great is Thy faithfulness.
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided.
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide.
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.
Blessings all mine with 10,000 beside.

Screenshot

Complaining in the Rain

It’s been terribly dry here in Kansas for way too long.  The wells out in our “used-to-be-country” neighborhood are running very low.  Some have dried up.  Some of the ponds used for cattle are just puddles now.  And the wheat crop is predicted to be the poorest in 60 years.

Therefore, I was happy to hear a low rumble of thunder early this morning.  As I sat on our patio and finished my quiet time, the sky began to darken.  I was very thankful for the rain that began to fall.  It was a gift from God!

Aaron was out of bed not long after and he sat with me to enjoy the rain as well.  Soon we were both ready to head out the door for our Meals on Wheels delivery.  The once gentle rain was now a downpour.

“Well,” I told Aaron, “we really need this rain so I’m not going to complain about it.”

We picked up our meals, loading them into the van as the rain came down and our clothes began to get wet.  At our first house, I opened the side van door and bagged the food.  Rain was a cold presence on the back of my shirt as I tried to lean in the van.  Aaron had already run to the client’s door, so I juggled the bag of food and my large umbrella, getting even wetter.

We chatted a minute with our friend, Aaron crunched in the corner of the small porch under a tiny awning and me under the umbrella.  Rain washed over us again as we got in the van, feet now soaked from the standing water.

As we backed out of the driveway, I happily made a little rhyme.

“Oh, the rain is a pain but I’m not going to complain!” I sang to Aaron.

Amazingly, he tolerated my silliness and off we went to the next house.  More rain, this time with some mud from the unpaved road as well as huge drops of water landing on us under the very low hanging branches at her uncovered door…branches that caught my umbrella and made it useless.

“This is great!” I exclaimed as we handed her the food.  “We do need the rain!  See you next week!”

By the fifth house, the rain was coming down even harder.  We ran up the wheelchair ramp, where our client was already at her door.  She was taking the dog bones that Aaron handed her for her two dogs.  I handed her the rather soggy bag of food and asked her how she was doing.

“I’m doing just fine,” she said, her face glowing with peace as she sat there in her wheelchair.  

She looked then at Aaron.

“Thank you so much for the dog bones,” she told him.  “My dogs love you for that.”

Aaron beamed.  Then she handed him one of the bones so that he could give it to her rambunctious dog himself.   She smiled as much as Aaron as he so excitedly watched the dog eat his bone.  

“Thank you and God bless you,” she said as we turned to leave.  I noticed how pretty she looked…how content despite her situation.  

At the next house we got to see our friend who had a serious fall a couple months ago.  She has been in the hospital and in rehab, and today was the first time we have been able to see her since her accident.  

Her smile was huge as she greeted us.  I wanted to talk about how she is doing but she wanted to focus on Aaron, hearing all about his recent seizure fall.  I finally managed to ask about how she’s doing, and she too said that she was getting along fine as she downplayed all that she has been through.  She is a sweet believer, and her joy is evident.

My joy was getting harder to muster as we went once more out into the rain.

“Whew!” I said, “I’m getting tired of this rain.”

“But I’m glad we’re getting the rain,” I quickly added as I remembered my earlier determination to be thankful.

My heart felt that little pinch of the Holy Spirit reminding me of just how much this morning is a picture of my life.

Oh, it’s easy to be all spiritual and thankful while I’m sitting on the patio, protected from the rains of life.  I can be an observer and have all the answers with all the right verses and attitudes as long as I’m not actually getting wet.

But let me step out into the storm and see what happens.  Getting wet and cold and muddy can quickly begin to take a toll on my patio attitude.  Soon I’m not so thankful for the rain that I had earlier said I needed.

The splashing of life’s trials has a way of diminishing my once-strong faith.

I feel cold.  Tired. 

And the path can make my feet muddy.  

Misery sets in, no matter how much I said I needed this weather sent from God.

No matter how much I quote Romans 8:28.

And while I may not be actively shaking my fist at God, I find that the flame of faith and joy in my heart is flickering in the rain.

It’s difficult to stay strong and positive in the downpours, especially prolonged storms that have no foreseen solution or resolve.

Honestly, I have been struggling some with Aaron issues over the past few months. Feeling discouraged more than I should.

“Lord!  I know I said that I need whatever you send, and that I can trust you.  But I’m getting tired and wet and muddy and uncomfortable!”

Yet the Lord, in His patience, used my experience this morning to prod my heart.  

And He used the most surprising people to touch my soggy spirit…people who have every reason to be extremely tired of the rains in their lives.

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 

 Let your gentle spirit be known to all men.  The Lord is near.  

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication WITH THANKSGIVING let your requests be made known to God.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:4-7

Two Plates

Yesterday we picked up some Mexican food for lunch.  Aaron loves to watch a show while we eat, so he busied himself with getting his lunch spot ready while I was in the kitchen.  I walked into the family room and saw these two plates on the floor beside his ottoman.  

Most people would wonder why Aaron needed two plates since part of his food was already in a container.  But I know Aaron and I know that he must put his food and even his food container on a plate.  It’s a small price for me to pay in order to have Aaron content and happy.  I knew that on one plate he would place his container of nachos, and on the second plate he would place his tacos.  

More importantly, Aaron knew what would go on those two plates.  He had plans for those plates, even if no one else knew or understood his plate’s purposes.  Though empty, in Aaron’s mind those plates were already full of his lunch food.

I was reminded of Aaron’s plates this morning as I read Joshua 17:14-18.  Joshua had been assigning the land of Israel to the 12 tribes.  Ephraim and Manasseh complained, though, that the land they were given wasn’t large enough.  Joshua told them to clear out the forested land, then, to give themselves more room.  

“Oh, but the Canaanites who live there have chariots of iron,” Ephraim and Manasseh said.

“Then you shall drive them out,” replied Joshua, “even though they have chariots of iron and though they are strong.”

You see, the real problem with these two tribes of Joseph was that they did not trust God’s adequacy to meet their need.  They were focused on the strong chariots instead of on their strong God.

The same God who had said, “When you go out to battle against your enemies and see horses and chariots and people more numerous than you, do not be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, who brought you up from the land of Egypt, is with you.”   (Deuteronomy 20:1)

It’s like they had Aaron’s two empty plates but didn’t trust that God had all they needed to fill the plates.

They needed to step out in obedience and then watch God give them victory.

“…we will see little of His power until we venture out into the way of obedience; until we trust His promise enough to walk in it.”   (Dale Ralph Davis)

I looked at Aaron’s empty plates laying there on the floor and knew exactly what he was doing.

So may I also place my empty plates down and trust God to fill them with all that He knows I need for each day…each decision…each trial…each heartache. 

“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”   (Hebrews 4:16)

Be Still IN the Jordan

I remember teaching prepositions to our children years ago as we homeschooled.  I wanted them to understand not only what a preposition was, but to also grasp the huge difference that a preposition made in our speech and our writing.  Therefore, my instruction went something like this:

“Let’s get IN the car.  Not under the car…behind the car…by the car…near the car…on the car…but IN the car.”

Why am I talking about prepositions?  

Because the little preposition ‘IN’ jumped out at me recently IN Joshua 3:8.

God had led the children of Israel to the promised land.  Not just TO the promised land, but now they were IN the land.  

Yet a huge obstacle stood in their way.  The Jordan River stood between them and the land that God had promised them.  

Now typically, crossing the Jordan River wouldn’t have been such a big deal.  But God chose to have the Israelites cross the Jordan during flood stage.  

A little geography lesson might help us grasp just how difficult this crossing was.  As Dale Davis says, “…the river helps one to appreciate the miracle.”

The river’s floodplain between the Sea of Galilee and the Dead Sea is packed with tangled brush and jungle growth.  Crossing the river during flood stage was extremely dangerous, not only because of the raging current but because of the jungle growth underneath the water that would entangle you.  

As I was reading about God leading the Israelites to go over the Jordan in Joshua 3, a phrase in verse 8 jumped off the page and right into my heart.  God told the priests:

“…when you come to the edge of the waters of the Jordan, you shall stand still IN the Jordan.”

God didn’t tell the priests to be still near the Jordan…beside the Jordan…at the Jordan…but IN the Jordan.

I have written before about Psalm 46:10, my mother’s favorite verse.  In fact, I have her framed copy of that wonderful reminder to “Be still and know that I am God.”

Be still.  Quit striving.  And know that God is God.

That’s the only knowledge we need as we walk through this life.  

Sometimes God leads us right into the flood.  We feel helpless and scared…maybe confused and bitter.

But this is where our trust in God can and should grow, even as the flood swirls around us and the undergrowth attempts to pull us under.

What is your Jordan today?  

“Perhaps He brings us into impossible circumstances, situations so bleak and hopeless, for the purpose of impressing upon us that if we make it through, if we endure it, if we are not overwhelmed and washed away, it will be only because of His grace and power.”   (Dale Ralph Davis)

So, be still IN your Jordan, and watch God work His best for you in that place of trust and peace.  

God Sees When I Cannot

Here was Aaron yesterday morning:

No, he didn’t have a seizure.  He was just having a very hard time waking up to start his day.  It takes patience and wisdom on my part to deal with him when he wants to sleep late.  Sleepy Aaron is almost always grouchy Aaron.

A scenario like this isn’t life changing.  But lately, Aaron has been unsettled and extra-easily upset.  Is it the new little member of our family that he is struggling to accept?  Is he trying to establish his place of importance at home and at his day group?  Side effects of the meds he takes?  Or just the way his autistic brain functions in our world which is not always his world?

Probably some of all the above.

It’s been wearing on Gary and me lately.  Tiring.

I walked back to my desk after several treks into Aaron’s room. 

It hit me how crazy it is that at my age I am still actively parenting our son.  This is not at all how I ever imagined my life would be.

Don’t get me wrong.  I realize how very blessed I am in so many ways. 

But some days I wonder…

It’s easy to get mired down in the stress and frustrations, to the point that I lose sight of the path.

I feel much like Job, which I just read that morning.

          “Behold, I go forward but He is not there,

          And backward, but I cannot perceive Him;

          When He acts on the left, I cannot behold Him;

          He turns on the right, I cannot see Him.”  (Job 23:8-9)

It’s not just the path that I lose sight of.  Sometimes it’s God Himself that I cannot see.

Our emotions have a way of doing that to us. 

Our disappointments can blind us to God in our everyday lives.

BUT!!!

          “BUT He knows the way that I take…”  (Job 23:10)

I may lose sight of God in front of me or behind me…to my left or to my right.

BUT…God knows the way I take!

God hasn’t lost sight of me!

That word “knows” in Hebrew means “designates.”

The word “way” means the “course of life.”

God has designated the course of my life. 

God IS love and I know deep in my heart that His every plan for me is designed and wrapped in His love for me.

God also knows that I am but human…weak…questioning…fearful…sometimes angry.

Questions come easily when I am vulnerable.

Why does Aaron have to suffer?

Could You not have found another way to grow me, Lord?

If I allow myself to keep going down those paths, though, I will soon be off the path that God has for me.

That’s never a good place to be.

I need to be like Job, who in all his terrible suffering still said:

          “My foot has held fast to His path;

          I have kept His way and have not turned aside.

          I have not departed from the command of His lips;

          I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my

          necessary food.”   (Job 23:11-12)

Some days and many moments I don’t FEEL like I am holding fast to God or treasuring the words of His mouth.

But deep, deep in my heart I know that I do desire God’s will and God’s way.

We all go through the tough times, don’t we?  Some are brief.  Too many are prolonged…lifelong.

Oh God, show us every day that even when we can’t see You…You see us!

You appoint our path, hard as it often is.

Because in the hard is where we do more clearly see Your hand.

We feel your breath upon our faces as we wait before You, drying our tears and strengthening our failing hearts.

Then may we be able to say with Job:

          “When He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.”