Patty hesaidwhatks

The Darkness

On Thursday evening, Gary and I noticed that Aaron didn’t seem quite like himself. He became lethargic as the evening wore on, even falling asleep sitting up in his favorite family room chair. Then he wanted to go to bed early…..and for Aaron to agree to a bedtime before at least 10:00 is very unusual. It’s like his lunch at 12:00 mindset. Bedtime should not occur before 10:00 in Aaron’s world, so his desire to head on up to bed at 9:30 combined with his tiredness made Gary and I wonder what was going on with him.

Therefore, we weren’t too surprised to hear him having a seizure a couple hours later. It was a very hard seizure, lasting about four minutes. Three other long, hard seizures followed that one during the night. He wet the bed after the second one, bit his tongue during the third one, and I walked in his room at his fourth seizure to find him on the floor. We have no idea how that happened, because he was in a sitting position with his back against his night stand. Blood was coming from his mouth as he bit his tongue again. Gary and I eventually got him back in bed, and then later before Gary went to work he was able to get Aaron a little cleaned up before helping him downstairs to the couch.

Aaron slept all day, with only a few short waking moments when I was able to give him his pills or something to drink. At 3:30 he woke up and told me that he didn’t feel like going to Paradigm. He was so shocked when I told him that it was 3:30 in the afternoon……that he had totally missed Paradigm that day and didn’t have to worry about it. He had no memory and no idea of what had happened.

I don’t tell all this to garner sympathy or to any way embarrass Aaron. I tell these things in an effort to share with others the faithfulness of God in the midst of pain…..the pain of a mother for her son, in our case……the shared pain of parents bearing this burden together………and the pain of fear that often tries to settle its icy grip in our hearts.

This seizure episode for Aaron has been a bad one. In fact, he had another small seizure early this morning. He got up later but wanted to go right back to bed. His tongue is extremely sore and damaged, and he also has a sore throat now. Worry and sadness could easily be my companion this morning.

Sadness was definitely near me yesterday morning as I sat at the kitchen table while Aaron slept nearby. At times like this, I desire to hear from God. I know that the comfort He gives is like no other. I don’t doubt Him. I don’t question why he allows this to happen. I’ve gotten to know Him over the years and I know that He is always loving, and good, and that His sovereignty is beyond my understanding. I trust Him. What I desire is His comfort during the moments when my heart is a little fractured, and my emotions are raw.

I would like to remain free of emotion when it comes to Aaron and his special needs. Emotion hurts. Emotion means that I’m thinking of Aaron and what he is enduring…..and what he’s missing in life……and what the future might hold. But how can a mother keep her son at arm’s length and not at times deeply hurt over his pain?

Such was my morning yesterday. I was hit with the reality of Aaron’s suffering. I cried. I just let myself feel the pain for a few moments and I cried in my hands. And God saw His daughter crying and He comforted me. I love, love, love how He speaks to me through His Word when I need it the most. I’ve started reading Daniel, and there it was. My eyes fell on Daniel 2:22: “…..He knows what is in the darkness, and the light dwells with Him.”

Most of Aaron’s seizures are during the night as he sleeps. I detest that sound coming out of the baby monitor on my nightstand…..the sound of Aaron’s seizure beginning. It jolts me out of sleep and it always fills me with dread. I never get used to that awful sound. And the darkness. Our room is dark, the hall is dimly lit, and Aaron’s room is very dark. I turn on his light, not knowing what I will see, and I stay with him until the seizure is over and I know he is safe.

Then usually I will hear that gasping sound later again coming from the monitor as another seizure begins. The scene is repeated…..the darkness…..the dread…..the fear.

So this verse from Daniel was very special to me. Once again, God reached down to me in my particular situation and spoke especially to me as the loving Father that He is. He knows! He knows what is in that darkness that I face, whether it’s the physical darkness of nighttime seizures or the darkness that fills my soul with fear for Aaron.

And guess what else? Listen to Psalm 139:11-12: “If I say, surely the darkness will overwhelm me and the light around me will be night….even the darkness is not darkness to You, and the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You.”

Those words are so sweet to me. I felt overwhelmed yesterday with hurt and fear for Aaron. It’s a darkness as real as the darkness I face when I am awakened with the sound of his night seizures. But God is there in the dark. He’s the light! There is no darkness to Him. He knows my dark fears and He knows my pain, yet He was there yesterday to remind me that He is light in my darkness. He knows what is in my darkness as I hear Aaron seizing, and as my own heart is seized with sadness and with dread.

I can trust Him with my pain, and I can trust Him with my son. He said that darkness and light are the same with Him…..and that the night is as bright as the day. His promises and His peace are my light in the darkest dark.

So I took our beautiful bright sunrise this morning as God’s personal gift to me. I relished it as His reminder that no matter how often I feel that the light around me will be night, God says, “No way! The light dwells with me….and so do you, little daughter. Now enjoy My light, even when it seems dark.”

We have a good God.

Lessons From the Bean Patch

“In this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes.” We all know this famous quote by Benjamin Franklin. I might add one more item to his short list of certainties: hurt. Please don’t think I’m being negative. It’s just that the longer I live the more I see it…..the various hurts that impact lives and families. It seems that no one is immune from sometime, somehow, having to face hurt. And how we respond to those hurts is paramount to our happiness and even our health.

Sadly, even Christians suffer hurts that are sometimes at the hands of others. Like I said, none of us is immune from hurt. As believers, we have a standard for dealing with hurt that goes far beyond any self-help book ever written. Of course, I mean scripture. But still, dealing with the pain of various hurts is very difficult…..and sometimes lasts for the rest of our lives.

When forgiveness is sought by the offending party, and reconciliation is offered, then the healing can more easily begin. This certainly is the desired outcome for anyone who has or is suffering from the hurts inflicted by others. But what is one to do when forgiveness is not offered, and when the desire for reconciliation is rebuffed?

Which brings me to my bean patch from last summer. Stay with me here. Those who know me know that I learn many lessons from my simple life of household and outside chores. So last summer, in June, Gary and I were gone for a week. We returned from our trip to find that our garden had grown tremendously. I saw right away that I had tons of green beans to pick. Well, not tons but it felt that way as I bent down to examine the vines. I had so much catching-up work to do after our trip that I was unable to make it out to the bean patch for a few days.

Finally, one early morning, I was able to pick the beans. My five gallon bucket was full to the brim with all those beans. Soon I called my neighbor to ask if she wanted some, and she gladly said yes…..so I trotted over to her house with a bag of beans for her family to enjoy. It took me awhile to get back to my bucket of beans, which I washed carefully…..strung and snapped……and put on to cook. As I worked with my beans, I began to fear that they weren’t in great shape. And sure enough, when they finished cooking my fears were confirmed.

I had tough beans. Not only did I have tough beans in my pot, but I had shared my tough beans with my neighbor. So I called her and I apologized for the inedible beans, after which I threw our tough beans away. I knew the problem: the beans had stayed on the vine way too long. As they lingered on that vine, under the hot Kansas sun, they toughened until they were of no use. I needed to pick them days earlier, but I hadn’t done that….so my beans were tough and useless.

This bean experience made me think of a situation that Gary and I have had…..and in some ways are still experiencing. It has to do with hurt, as I mentioned earlier. The hurt that is not handled…..is not dealt with properly…..and does not result in reconciliation. Over the years of our situation, Gary and I have learned some things…..some do’s and don’ts of dealing with unreconciled hurts. Maybe some of you can benefit from a few of the lessons that we’ve learned in the hard classroom of a hurting heart.

FORGIVE: It’s much easier, I believe, to forgive someone when they do as Luke 17:3 says: when they truly repent and ask for forgiveness. But what is one to do when the offending party doesn’t repent….doesn’t ask for or seek forgiveness? We are to, simply, still forgive. God’s commands are clear, given for a reason. It is always our responsibility to forgive.

But how do I forgive when the person who has done the hurting doesn’t ask for, or even seem to want, my forgiveness? I asked my brother, Dr. John King, about this issue. He reminded me that the word for “forgiveness” in the Bible often has the meaning of the word ‘release.’ It’s the word used of a fisherman releasing his fishing line…..casting it out and away from him. Likewise, I am to do some releasing.

I am to release the offender to God. I do this over and over and over, maybe for the rest of my life. When I feel anger, resentment, old memories surface, when I see this person……whatever it may be…..I once again should make it a matter of my will to once again release this person to God.

I also am to release my anger and my bitterness to God, realizing that these emotions are sin. I may be able to rationalize them, but they are still sin….and so I release them to God.

I release any right I may think I have to get even, to gossip, to undermine this person. Do I fail at this? You bet! And that’s why I’m so thankful for God’s continuing forgiveness of my own sin.

BE FAITHFUL: Gary and I could easily have walked away from our situation. Nothing was holding us there…..except God….and people that we loved. So we stayed in ministry and service, and we were so blessed beyond description during that time. Staying also gives the offenders more of an opportunity to make things right.

And even beyond that description of faithfulness, and more importantly, is to simply be faithful to God. Don’t give up on your faith because others, especially others of faith, have brought such hurt into your life. Their actions should bear no impact on your own walk with the Lord.

WATCH YOUR OWN HEART: Going along with the above is the admonition that David often wrote about in the Psalms: Search my heart, O God, and see if there be any hurtful way in me. Gary often told me, and our children, to not focus on the others but to focus on our own hearts. Each of us needed to search our own hearts every day, and let God deal with everyone else. If I’m busy concentrating on my own heart, and my own standing before God, I won’t have time or desire to be looking at anyone else.

SERVE: Gary and I were, thankfully, already in some ministries that allowed us to serve those who had hurt us. Though at times it was very difficult to do that, we knew that God wanted us to serve and to do so with a glad heart. Those times truly aided in our healing. It’s just an example of how God’s ways often don’t make sense to us, but His ways work!

Once again, my brother talked to me about Proverbs 25:21-22. There are varying meanings associated with this passage that talks about heaping coals of fire on your enemy’s head, but I love the picture that John gave me. He talked about how in those ancient times, when a person’s fire would die, they would often go to someone and ask for a coal in order to restart their fire. So what should a person do if his enemy came to the door asking for a coal? John said that God would want His people to give them not just one coal, but heaping coals of fire. I love that word picture!

Pour a cup of coffee, prepare a meal, send a card, make a phone call……there are many avenues of service that can reach out to ones who would least expect it from us.

PRAY: Another way to serve and to bless those who have wronged us is to pray for them. Pray for them and for their families, not just for the situation in which you find yourselves with them. And pray for your own heart and attitude to be what God would want it to be.

DO NOT DELIGHT IN HARD TIMES: One early morning, Gary came upstairs from his study and told me about a verse that God had impressed upon him. The verse is Proverbs 24:17: “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles.” Gary felt strongly that he and I both needed to be careful to not ever rejoice if any bad things happened to those who had wronged us. There have been times that God has reminded me of that verse, and times that I have prayed for these as they have faced struggles, instead of delighting in their hardships.

And finally:

GUARD YOUR MIND AND THOUGHTS: In Philippians 4:8, Paul gives an extensive list of things upon which our minds are to dwell. It’s painful for me to read that verse because I see how often I have failed…..and fail daily…..to follow its admonition. I believe this is especially true….the part about failing….when your heart is hurting and you are wanting to be vindicated. I need to constantly remember that God will do any vindicating that is necessary, and that I am responsible to guard my thoughts.

Unresolved relationships can eat away at our souls like an acid. Solomon warned us in Ecclesiastes 11:10 about this. “Remove vexation from your heart,” he said. Another version says, “Remove grief and anger from your heart.” In other words, quit dwelling on all that grief and anger. Continually dwelling on those hurts has been one of the hardest things for me to overcome…..and I won’t pretend that I’ve accomplished that yet. I’m better, but I’m still at times overwhelmed with thoughts that pull me down into pain again.

And so I go back to that concept of releasing…..praying…..and watching my own heart. Over and over again, because the issues were not resolved and the relationships not restored.

Gary and I were finally forced to leave our situation. We left…..but it has never left us. And I’m back again to the bean patch.

Because Gary and I are still hanging on the vine. BUT…..we don’t want to be tough or bitter, like our beans were. How much better it would have been if the situation had been handled fully and quickly, like the beans that I harvested the week following the picking of the tough beans. The new beans that grew were picked quickly, and they were perfect……crisp and delicious.

Well, the response we have is totally up to us. There are no excuses for our reaction to still being on the vine. We can choose to be tough, or we can choose to obey God’s principles and still be growing in the way He wants. To be better, not bitter.

Remember how I shared my tough beans with my neighbor? I don’t want to share bitterness with others over our pain. I don’t want to be tough to those I encounter, or to my family, or especially to the Lord. I know it’s been a process for me, but I pray that God will use my pain to produce tenderness in my life and heart….not toughness. To not cast blame, but to take responsibility for my own actions and reactions. To speak truth, but not with hatefulness or anger.

I had to throw away all those tough beans…..but not the lessons they have taught me. I know that these lessons will always be with me. I hope that my sharing them has helped you, too.

Laughter, Fussing, and Frowning

Aaron came into the kitchen early this morning, before Gary left for work, and the very first words out of his mouth…..the. very. first. ……..were, “Mom, so you’re saying that War of the Worlds was an old movie? It was an old movie that had been made before?” It was as if he was continuing a conversation that we had left three minutes ago, instead of nine hours ago, when he was going to bed. I had to chuckle, which was better than crying. You see, all weekend Gary and I endured endless discussions about War of the Worlds…..and Terminator. Take your pick. We were completely saturated with both movies, to the point that several times during the weekend we had to tell Aaron, “Enough!” No more talking of these movies for the foreseeable future…..which wasn’t nearly long enough, in Aaron’s book……and so we would soon find ourselves once again immersed in movie discussions.

Thankfully, Aaron moved right on to his next topic of interest. “Mom, I woke up at 5:00!!” Of course, I asked him why as he stood there staring at me waiting for me to ask him why….and he continued. “The covers on the right side of my bed were not normal. They were not like the covers on the left side.” He again stared at me as he waited for yet another response, so I gave him another response by asking him why the covers were not normal and he gladly answered. “The covers on the right side were ALL the way out!! The covers on the left weren’t all the way out.” So this is what I heard on the monitor at 5:00 this morning. Aaron cannot tolerate abnormal covers on his bed, so he was up and about re-adjusting the covers so that the right matched the left. And I laughed at Aaron’s description of his early morning effort to normalize his bed, and he was quite proud that he had made mom laugh, though he didn’t understand…..or care to understand….why.

Soon Gary was down, putting on his coat to leave for work, and Aaron immediately launched into his War of the Worlds observation. Gary was still saturated by two and half days of movie talk, so he answered Aaron’s question that he had just asked with a little humor……which Aaron did not appreciate. Aaron knew we were tired of movie talk, and he interpreted Gary’s humor as being insulting…..and so Aaron in turn insulted Gary……and we in turn fussed at Aaron…..and our day was off and running in typical fashion. Laughing one second…..frowning and fussing the next.

These ups and downs are true for all parents. It seems more exaggerated with Aaron, at least to us, because of his age and his persistence. He is not easily deterred from the paths of conversation that he sets out on, or the paths of behaviors. We so wish we could detour him from some of the things he says and the actions he takes. I wish this every time I read another incident report from Paradigm, where Aaron has taken the path of anger and rudeness. He gets in so much trouble when he is trying to “tease” someone, or when something or someone sets him off.

But then he can be so hilarious sometimes, and so endearing. This weekend, he was very exhausting with all his movie talk…..following us around the house as he talked, or finding us downstairs watching football. But then he would come out with something that made us laugh. Like the football games, which he observes in his unique Aaron way:

“So who are you guys voting for?”

“Does the team you’re voting for have the most points?”

“Does that football player have a pacifier in his mouth!!?” (It was the

mouth guard. HaHaHa!!!)

“I bet the man who taught the Carolina Panthers is not very happy that they only

have 17!”

His humorous comments were like a breath of fresh air…..a wonderful break from War of the Worlds or Terminator. When Aaron and I played Skip-Bo last night, I had to once again forbid any further movie talk. We listened to Disney music on Pandora, and Aaron had fun trying to guess what movie the songs were from. He would cock his head to the side in deep thought, and I knew he was re-living those old movies. I enjoyed his reactions, and I relished another movie reprieve. We had two games of peace, and then the second it was all over, he launched into more movie talk. NO!!!!

We went to McDonalds for lunch yesterday, and again urged him to think of other things to talk about. He was mostly quiet as he ate all of his burger first, and then tackled his French fries. He will only eat one food item at a time. He methodically ate every French fry, one at a time, by dipping them slowly in his very, very full ketchup cup and then taking a bite……dipping slowly again and taking a bite…..over and over. At least it kept him busy and not talking about movies. And then he spied a little girl looking at him and he stared back. I was nervous. Would he stick out his tongue or be nice? We never know. But he smiled at her and then said, “I was smiling towards the little kid.” I was relieved at his sweetness, wishing it could always be the case with Aaron.

Last night as we watched the Broncos losing the football game, we heard Aaron’s loud thumping down the stairs. Gary and I both commented about it, how soon it was that Aaron had just been downstairs to talk more about movies and here he was coming down again. It’s wearying, really. Aaron bounded in the room and stood between our chairs, looking down at me as I sat there looking up at him…..waiting with dread for his latest movie verbal digest once again. But this time, Aaron wanted to hand me his nearly empty bag of Skittles…..the bag that he had been eating out of all weekend. In the bottom of the bag were several remaining Skittles.

“Here!” Aaron said as he held the bad toward me. “You can have the rest of these, Mom.” I thanked him but told him that I really didn’t want them right now, and that he should eat the last Skittles.

“No!” he insisted. “I want you to have them.” And with that, he put his hand in the bag and dug out the few remaining candies. He put his hand toward me and I held my hand out, receiving his gift. I really don’t enjoy eating something that Aaron has fingered as much as he had those Skittles…..because I just don’t know where Aaron’s hands and fingers have been, honestly. But God has blessed me with a strong immune system, so I took the Skittles, hiding from Aaron my hesitation.

I laid them on the table beside me, and Aaron picked up a couple of the orange ones because they look green to his color blind eyes…..and he wanted to show Gary the new green apple ones……but he realized they were orange, so he put them back in my little pile. More handling, I thought. But while he stood there watching me, I picked them up and ate them. This made Aaron happy. He wanted to share with me his special candy, and he knows that Gary doesn’t eat candy, so I was the recipient of every single Skittles…..germs and all.

And today I’m alive to tell about it. I don’t even have a sniffle or an upset stomach. But I have the memory of Aaron’s sweet sharing. He shares with us in so many ways, in many different colors and flavors, his life and his take on it. Like I said earlier, we can be laughing one minute, and then frowning and fussing the next. There are so many ways we wish that we could change our big, loud, rough Aaron. But then there are many ways that we wouldn’t change a thing about our kind, sharing, funny Aaron.

Yet he comes as a package, as all children do, and we know that we have to love all of him. We DO love all of him. We cherish the positive and we work on the negative. We ask God for wisdom, and we ask others for forgiveness or understanding when they are affected by Aaron’s behaviors. We share life with Aaron, usually Aaron’s way.

Laughter, fussing, frowning…..germs and all. It’s worth every part….every color.

Love Rules!

Here we are. It’s the third day of our new year. The third day of new beginnings, so I’m told, and new attitudes…..new challenges and new goals……new everything. But I have our washing machine running this morning and it’s reminding me that the sameness of life also continues despite my desire to work up some enthusiasm for newness. Aaron had a seizure last night and so once again I am washing his bedding from the mattress pad up to the top layer…..his favorite cheetah blanket, or whatever animal it represents. I’m not complaining at all. It’s our life and I’m thankful that I’m here to be a part of it, and to care for Aaron. It’s certainly not new.

Aaron doesn’t care for new, unless it’s a new video or a new bag of candy. He doesn’t like new routines or new schedules, and he doesn’t like the people or the holidays that cause a disruption to his sameness. On Thanksgiving Day, Aaron came into the kitchen while I was preparing our meal. He asked when we would be eating. I told him it would probably be around 2:00. He stared at me for a few seconds and then said, “That’s why I was thinking if I could eat lunch.” I didn’t have to look at the clock to know that it was nearly 12:00 and to Aaron, 12:00 means lunch……Thanksgiving Day or not. He did agree to wait for his meal, but he did give remaining in his routine his best effort as well.

We try not to give in to Aaron’s routine oriented way of viewing the world when there are special days or events to consider. We give it our best effort in order to include Aaron in our family traditions and our special times together. Yet we know that at times it’s not only difficult but nearly impossible for Aaron to comfortably enter into our celebrations together as a family. The complexities of his autistic world, at times, will simply not allow him to move beyond a certain point. There are several reasons for this dilemma that he…..and we……face during the holidays.

One reason revolves around conversation. Aaron doesn’t understand and is rarely able to enter into the normal ebb and flow of family conversation. Andrea and Andrew both came home for Christmas on Christmas Eve. We sat around the table and talked that evening, and all of us noticed Aaron. He had moved to one end of the table. His eyes darted back and forth between us as we talked. We were catching up with Andrea and Andrew……their lives…….their jobs……their friends. Soon Aaron would loudly interject with his “Hey!!” And we would all look to him as we gave him an opening to talk, but he often didn’t quite know what to do with this opportunity to enter into our flow of talk. So he would pause and then he would continue. “Uh…..well…..did you know that my favorite character on Phantom of the Opera is the Phantom?!”

His comment didn’t fit at all into what the rest of us were discussing, but we’re used to this with Aaron, so we all commented in some way. We really tried to act as interested in what he was saying as we did with the rest of our conversation, but sometimes it’s hard. And if you give Aaron an inch, he’ll take a few dozen miles and he’ll talk until the rest of us are…….honestly……..bored beyond words. So after we all responded to Aaron, we would pick up our conversation where we had left off and once again Aaron would sit there with darting eyes and bated breath, waiting for his next opportunity. “Hey!!” And we waited. “Uh…..well……did you know that there’s a Queen alien? Is she bigger than the other aliens? Why do you think there’s a Queen alien?” So then it’s our turn to say, “Uh….well…..we didn’t know that, Aaron.” Come on. Show interest……show enthusiasm for Queen aliens and for Phantoms and for whatever else Aaron chooses to talk about, we’re all telling ourselves.

Another reason that Aaron gets stuck during the holidays in his point of no return is the change in his routine. Everything is messed up. His meal times……watching Wheel of Fortune with Mom…..bedtime rituals, especially if Mom doesn’t come right away to say goodnight……playing SkipBo……..having his bathroom to himself……and so much more. His brain is soon on overload, no matter how Gary and I try to maintain his sense of normalcy.

The third reason for Aaron’s holiday struggles……and probably the straw that breaks the camel’s back……is having to share his time and space with others. Aaron has gotten used to being the only “child” at home now. He is doing better with having Andrea and Andrew come for visits…..probably because he knows he can talk and talk to someone other than Mom and Dad. We weren’t sure how he would react to Megan, Andrew’s girlfriend, being here again this year. Megan arrived the day after Christmas. I was a little nervous, but I greatly relaxed as we all stood in the kitchen chatting and I noticed that Aaron was happily talking. Soon I had him tell Megan about his movie of the moment…..Phantom of the Opera……which fortunately is one of Megan’s favorites. Aaron loved feeling included as all eyes focused on him, and he really enjoyed our interest in hearing him sing his favorite Phantom of the Opera song. He’s hilarious when he sings and we all laughed with him as he relished being the star.

And then I goofed. Aaron had returned to his room, so I asked Andrew to go up and tell Aaron that it was time to eat. There are reasons that this wasn’t a good idea, but suffice it to say that Aaron from that point forward began to do down the path of frustration and anger. He wanted me to come get him for dinner, for one thing, and though we roll our eyes at that, it was this important to Aaron. His nearly overloaded system was beginning to crack under the holiday strain. He was rude to Andrew during lunch and we knew then that we were facing an uphill battle. When we later opened presents from Megan, Aaron sat with his back to Megan and Andrew. He was edgy still.

Then off we went to walk through Botanica and see the Christmas lights. It was cold and we all bundled up, and piled in the van……including Aaron. I let him have his favorite, normal passenger seat, beside Gary. And wonderful Gary walked beside Aaron and kept defusing him the whole way through Botanica. You can see in the pictures that Aaron is NOT seen. When he’s in this frame of mind, you can forget pictures. They only make him angrier. We were way down that frustration path at this point.

We got home and I was hurriedly taking off my coat, getting ready to set out all the snack foods to enjoy while we played our Christmas games. Aaron knew he was welcome to stay downstairs and play the games with us, but Aaron detests this part of Christmas. He doesn’t like the silliness and the loud laughter…..at all! And in the mood he was already in, we knew he wouldn’t want to stay. So as I removed my coat, Aaron turned to me and loudly said, “Mom, I wish Andrea and Andrew and Megan would just leave, and that I could have things normal again!”

Embarrassing, yes…….especially because Megan is still new to all this and we so wanted her to feel welcome. Thankfully she’s kind and understanding. You must be in these situations with Aaron. But Aaron’s comment was also telling as he revealed, in his blunt way, that he wanted his normal life back. The night went downhill from there, if that was possible. The five of us totally enjoyed the games, but we were often interrupted by Aaron’s heavy footsteps on the stairs and the floor as he came down to check things out. He really wanted to enter in, I believe, but he didn’t know how to comfortably do that. At one point, he looked at the container full of wrapped Bingo gifts and he softly asked if he could have one. That made us sad. Of course, we let him unwrap one and he was happy to get a Wal-Mart gift card. Then off he went to stew in his anger some more.

Aaron and I eventually ended up in my bedroom, where he talked angrily about how we only love Andrea and Andrew, and only want to talk to them….and to Megan. He cried for a long time, a sure sign of deep frustration. My heart hurt for him as I tried to comfort and assure him of our love. I really believe that Aaron senses a difference in how we talk…..our inflections and our words……when we talk to him compared to the others. Try as we might, we can’t manufacture the same interest in his comments compared to theirs. Aaron is perceptive……so perceptive.

I also know that he needs repercussions for poor behavior, so I took the movie away that Andrew got him for Christmas, as well as the lap desk from Megan. Finally Aaron came downstairs, face and eyes red from crying, and he gave a semi-apology to them. I helped him into bed, but it wasn’t long before we heard him coming back downstairs. He walked into the room where we sat, tensely waiting for another outburst. But in his hand he carried his Ghostbusters movie, which he thrust toward Andrew. “Hey Andrew!” he enthusiastically said. “Have you seen this movie?” And Andrew, with equal enthusiasm, said that he had and then he said, “Who you gonna call?” Aaron laughed and took the movie back upstairs…..and we knew that his crisis was over and all was well once again.

The next morning, Aaron wanted to give some of his crescent rolls to Megan and Andrew for breakfast. And when they left for a couple days, and returned to see us again, Aaron was fine with that. I wish this scenario wouldn’t be repeated next year, but I’m realistic enough……we all are…..to know that it very well might be. I returned Aaron’s movie and lap desk from Andrew and Megan to him, hoping that he understood the consequences of poor behavior and the reward of good behavior. We always hope that Aaron will understand and that things will click in his brain, but his brain isn’t like ours at all.

So we do our best to understand Aaron, and to love him in all his unique and often frustrating ways. Like Andrea said to Megan on the night I was upstairs with Aaron, as they cleaned the kitchen…..”So now you see what it’s like to be a part of our family.”

Yes, it’s not easy to be a part of this family sometimes. Sometimes I think…..AUTISM RULES. But then I realize that only one thing really rules. LOVE RULES!! We don’t necessarily love autism, but we all love Aaron. We seek to understand autism, and therefore better understand Aaron. I see growth in all of us that has occurred over the years. It’s the growth based on our experiences with Aaron, and growth based on knowing that Aaron may improve in some areas, but he will never be totally like the rest of us.

We may feel beat up and tired and angry ourselves, but we must remember that love rules over all. God’s love for all of us, and our love for each other and for Aaron, will remain firm during these rough spells. There’s nothing new about that, even in this new year.

What a long post! I have laundry to put in the dryer, and much more to wash.

With love.

Glittery Moments

My day yesterday, Sunday, began at 4:12….to be precise, like Aaron. Aaron had a seizure for the second early Sunday in a row. Then he had another at 5:45, so I just stayed up then, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. This is a very busy, tiring time for everyone. To start my day off so physically tired wasn’t what I had planned, but as usual my thoughts went to Aaron and how awful he was going to feel when he woke up.

I heard him upstairs through the baby monitor later in the morning, stirring and stretching and then getting out of bed. I knew that he was marking his wake-up time in his notebook that he uses to record all that important information about his life. Later he slowly made his way down the stairs. I noticed that he had on a different pair of pajamas than he had worn to bed, and I knew right away what had happened. I went up to his room after he and I talked for a minute to gather up his wet linens…..all of them, including his waterproof mattress pad. Poor Aaron. Such hard seizures take a toll on him, and can be embarrassing as well.

So the day began in earnest with mounds of laundry and mounds of Christmas preparations and plans to accomplish. I was thankful for the time that day to prep and plan, but as the day wore on I was very aware of my fatigue…..fatigue that was probably only going to increase as the week continued.

That evening, as I finally cleaned off the kitchen table to some degree, I was looking forward to a little time to chill out. Catch up on Facebook, look at emails, read the news….. But of course, I wasn’t downstairs very long before Aaron came thumping down the stairs. First he talked to Gary about the movie he had finished watching today, and then the current movie he was now watching. Soon he came to me at my computer, and began the same recitation. Gary and I finally had to tell him that movie talk needed to stop. We were depleted when it came to his long movie reviews and endless questions.

I had told Aaron earlier that maybe we could play a game of SkipBo……emphasis on MAYBE. As Aaron left me at my computer, the last thing I really wanted to do was to drag myself back upstairs and play a game of cards with Aaron. I was tired. And I was very weary of listening to all the movie talk. But we hadn’t played SkipBo in a while. This time of year takes much of the fun time away. I felt badly for Aaron, who asks me every single night of his life to let him know if we can “do something, like SkipBo …..”

It was around 9:30 when I went upstairs and asked Aaron if he wanted to play a game of SkipBo. He was very happy to hear me ask that question, so while he took his pills I shuffled the cards. We had a normal game, with me having to monitor Aaron’s every move in case he cheated and with Aaron thinking he had to monitor my texting with Andrea. I could feel my nerves getting a little more worn. Of all nights to have a slow game, this was not the night! But was it ever a slow game! Where were all the 3’s?! I was getting irritated for sure.

Finally the game was over! I wasn’t nearly as happy about winning as I was happy that I could go to bed at last……after turning off all the Christmas lights, fixing the coffee pot, helping Aaron get his bed all perfectly ready, and listening to his non-stop chatter. Ugh! All these thoughts were going through my mind as I put the cards back in their box. I looked up then to see Aaron sitting very still across the table from me, peering down at something on the table.

“Mom?” he asked. “What’s this?” I thought he was pointing to a little indention on our distressed kitchen table that’s become much more distressed under Aaron’s attention. I brushed him off with a quick “I don’t know. It’s just a little dot. A little mark.”

Aaron wasn’t deterred. “No,” he said. “It’s sparkling.”

And I knew then what “it” was. “It” was a tiny little piece of glitter from all the wrapping paper and glittery tissue paper I had used that day. Of course, Aaron noticed this miniscule piece of glitter that to most of us would have gone totally unseen. Or seen, but not cared about.

Not so with Aaron. He was intrigued by the tiny sparkle that caught his eye. He knew that it was worth exploring, so he did. Furthermore, he hoped that I would do the same. I was headed to the coffee pot when I stopped and turned around. There sat Aaron, pointing to the itty bitty glitter, and I was drawn to that scene as I stood there for a few seconds. I smiled as I realized that I should not miss this moment. So I walked back over to the table, and I bent over the little glitter particle with Aaron. We both smiled as we noticed the glitter’s tiny shimmer. I realized that this glitter wasn’t round, but that it had definite sides. I counted six sides, and so Aaron and I talked about the fact that this glitter piece was in reality a hexagon. It was pretty and sparkly and more complex than either of us realized until we took the time to look at it carefully.

All day today I’ve been thinking about that glitter moment with Aaron, and what I would have missed had I dismissed his interest in favor of a coffee pot to fix and Christmas lights to unplug. I would have missed a sweet moment with Aaron……a time of simple sharing…….a smile……a discovery.

At this time of year, especially, but at any time of year, I need to often remind myself to stop my fussing and flittering……and to take some time to see what Aaron sees. Take some time to see who Aaron IS. See the world through his eyes, with all its complexity and its beauty.

And to apply this lesson to so many other areas of my life as well. Stop to see what’s around me that’s not so obvious, lest I miss out on some real beauty and some sweet moments. Don’t let my schedule or my tiredness rob me of discovering some sweet moments with those I love…..or with those whom I need to know better…..or with those that I can help.

Coffee pots and other chores will always be there. Glitter has a way of blowing in the wind and never being seen again. I need to treasure it while I can……with Aaron, of course.

Exodus: They Didn’t Do It the Right Way!

Aaron has been very excited over the past few weeks to see the movie trailers for the new Moses movie – Exodus: Gods and Kings. The movie meets several important criteria in order to stir Aaron’s interest: Loud…..large…..loaded with exciting scenes……for starters. Now, we’ve told Aaron over the years that most movies based on the Bible are not accurate. He thinks, then, that we mean those movies are bad. So we’ve had long discussions……..looooonnngg discussions……with him over this issue. We have told him that we just need to be discerning and wise, and don’t take the movie as being totally true. Just pay attention to the details.

Well, Aaron did just that this past Friday when his day group went to see the new Exodus movie. He charged through the door at the end of his day, finding me right there nearby as I folded some laundry.

“MOM!!” he yelled as if I was way out in the back yard instead of just a few feet away. “We went to see Exodus: Gods and Kings!!”

And with that, he bent over and began rubbing his hands together rapidly…..a true sign of great excitement. And I asked a silly question. I asked Aaron if he liked the movie. Duh.

“YES!!” he yelled again, his hands producing great friction at this point.

And then he paused, and his hands became still. I continued folding laundry as I waited for the next shoe to drop……although Aaron would think I was weird for saying that because he was not holding a pair of shoes. Literal Aaron, you know.

So in a much softer voice, Aaron continued. “Well, that movie wasn’t all the way right.” I asked how it wasn’t right. “Well,” he said….(he likes using the word ‘well’ ), “it just didn’t always do things the way the Bible says.”

When I asked for an example, he became more animated as he said, “Well, in the burning bush in the movie, God was a little child. The Bible doesn’t say that God showed up as a little child.”

I agreed with his assessment about the burning bush, and we talked about how God spoke out of the burning bush.

Aaron continued. “And Aaron didn’t act rude like he did in the Bible!”

Rude? So my Aaron explained, “You know how Aaron acted rude when Moses came down from the mountain?”

Oh yes, rude……as in building the golden calf?

“Yes!!” Aaron……my Aaron……agreed. He said the movie didn’t show Aaron being rude. In fact, my Aaron said that the Bible Aaron wasn’t even in the Exodus movie. I don’t know…..I haven’t seen the movie. I only know what Aaron said……my Aaron.

Later, at supper, Andrea called and right away Aaron just had to tell her about the movie he saw. It wasn’t long before Andrea, Gary, and I were all in stitches as Aaron told her about the Exodus movie and how wrong it was. “ANDREA!! GOD WASN’T A BUSH!!” And on and on he went, rubbing his hands together now because our laughter was egging him on. He was really getting into all this Biblical inaccuracy stuff!

Later, after the phone call, he continued. “Guess what?” he asked. “When Moses came down from the mountain with the commandments, he only had ONE tablet, not TWO!!”

So I checked the book of Exodus, and lo and behold…..the Bible does say that Moses had TWO tablets. Way to go, Aaron……my Aaron.

“And you know what else?” he went on. “There were only EIGHT commandments in the movie!!”

“How do you know there were only eight?” I foolishly asked.

“Because I COUNTED them!!” he replied.

Of course he counted them. That’s exactly what Aaron…..my Aaron…..would be doing as he sat there stuffing popcorn….and maybe the napkins…..into his mouth. He would definitely be counting the ten commandments that were missing two.

Well, as my Aaron would say, we had many a discussion for the rest of Friday and for most of Saturday about the Exodus movie…..the burning bush…..how God spoke……the plagues…..the fact that Moses was happy when the Bible said he was angry…..

Oh, and how wrong the movie was about the Red Sea coming back together because Moses was still in the water and had to swim to land. “Moses didn’t SWIM in the Bible in the Red Sea!!!” he exclaimed.

I think that Aaron has processed the movie to his mind’s content now. Maybe. And I am amazed at how much of the Biblical story he remembered, and remembered correctly. That’s the most exciting part to Gary and to me.

Aaron….my Aaron…..said it very well on Saturday when he ended it all (maybe) by talking about Hollywood.

“They were doing their own way to a movie!” he surmised.

And I totally agree with Aaron’s wisdom!

Peace Among the Bumps

Today was the day for Aaron’s scheduled MRI, a test being done because of a change in his seizures and the additional worry of an annoying Parkinson’s-like tremor in his right hand. Aaron, thankfully, has never minded medical tests or doctor visits of any kind, so today he woke up happy and ready to go to his appointment. Of course, we all know that these appointments are just a side trip to Aaron. The real purpose that he is going, in his mind, is our restaurant of choice for lunch, and the trip to Wal-Mart or some other fun store that also awaits. Therefore, on this day, his brain MRI was a bump in the road on his way to his true destination.

He came in my bathroom to check on my hair and make-up progress. He had showered, dressed, and enjoyed his coffee. He knew that we would leave around 10:00, so he was trying to busy himself with a movie or a game in his room……until he remembered that Mom sometimes needs hurrying, no matter how many times she says that she does NOT need another hurry-up reminder.

As he stood there watching my progress…..or lack thereof, in his opinion……I told him that if it worked out, we would get his hair cut on the way to his MRI. IF it worked out, I repeated…..and then I progressed through the usual disclaimer list. IF I could get ready in time (which he seriously doubted)…..IF Aaron was ready (and he let me know that he was!)…….IF Great Clips wasn’t crowded.

“I know, I know,” he exclaimed as he left the bathroom. But in no time at all he was back again….standing there staring at me as I fixed my face, as if his staring could or would hurry me forward.

Finally, as he turned to walk away, he said, “Tell me when you’re ready…..are you about ready?” He barely took a breath between the statement and the question. I laughed and told him, “NO! I am NOT about ready!”…..and he knew it was time to leave Mom to her face, all by herself.

Finally, I WAS ready and so out the door we went. I had checked Aaron in online and when we got there, he was taken right away to a booth. Most of the girls there know Aaron by now. He’s pretty unforgettable after one exposure, trust me. As he sat down, he immediately launched into what movie he was currently watching. Godzilla!! Loud talk ensued about giant lizards and triceratops and saving the world and wanting to know if she had watched the new Godzilla yet.

She asked Aaron if he was ready for Christmas and he loudly replied, “MOM? Are we?” And I said we were close. Then he told her that his brother and sister were coming over for Christmas. She asked if they live far away, and he said that his sister lives in Texas and…..”MOM? Where does Andrew live?” So I answered, and was aware that everyone in Great Clips was learning a lot about us. She asked him if his hair looked the way he wanted it. “MOM? Does it?” Oh dear.

And then came her innocent question. “So Aaron, what are you doing when you leave here?”

And very matter-of-factly he answered her. “I’m going to the hospital to get an MRI.”

The words seemed to hang thick in the air. He wasn’t talking Godzilla, or eating out, or shopping, or Christmas at that point. I wondered if she was sorry she had asked him this question, but how could she have known? And good old Aaron wasn’t the least bit fazed by his answer. He told her he was getting an MRI as casually as he had told her that he was watching Godzilla.

So I tried to not let my thoughts faze me, either. My thoughts were how normal Aaron made it sound that he was going to the hospital for an MRI…..how casual he seemed about it…..because he really is casual about it. He’s not worried or alarmed at all. He’s not sad or embarrassed. And I know I must not be either…..for his sake as well as my own.

Yes, I sat there wishing that Aaron could have answered her question on this day with nothing more than something normal and fun to be doing after his hair cut. I’m going to a movie……or I’m going Christmas shopping……or I’m going out with my friends. Yes, I was going to make sure that Aaron had some fun to look forward to today. But first….the MRI.

The hair dresser told Aaron she hoped it went well, and as we checked out I made a comment about how the doctor was looking to see if Aaron had a brain. Aaron laughed and everyone laughed, and we walked out the door with Aaron off on his next subject.

But on the drive to the hospital, my thoughts were back there at Great Clips and my heart was a little heavy. Then there it was……playing on our Christmas CD…..Amy Grant singing “Silent Night.” The song that somehow always reminds me of my dad and that always tugs at my heart was not the song I was sure I wanted to hear right then. I blinked back tears.

Silent Night, Holy Night

All is calm, all is bright…..

Sometimes all is not calm. Sometimes all is not bright.

Round yon virgin, mother and child.

Holy infant so tender and mild……

But I knew then, as I have been greatly reminded over the past few days, that the coming of this holy infant Jesus makes everything in my heart calm and bright. His coming makes everything right. Not easy, but right and well. Calm and bright, because of the hope that He gives.

Sleep in heavenly peace,

Sleep in heavenly peace.

Peace that only Jesus can give, because He did come on that silent and holy night long ago.

And there on busy Kellogg Drive with traffic on both sides and Aaron chattering away happily beside me, I was seriously filled with peace. We still had the MRI ahead; Aaron still has his special issues; life may still seem unfair to some. But there is peace, more than I have sensed in a long time.

I see, more than I believe I ever have, what the coming of Jesus means to me personally and to this world. Peace in the midst of fear…..in the midst of pain…..in the midst of frustration. Peace that’s unexplainable except as I look at that little infant Jesus.

“Come on, Aaron!” I said as we got out of the car in the hospital parking lot. Let’s get this bump-in-the-road over with and go have some real fun!

He Was But One

We live in a culture where bigger is better and where a person’s list of accomplishments is what garners respect in many circles. Unfortunately, even as followers of Christ, we sometimes fall into that same mindset. Whether it’s in our churches or in our personal lives, often our feeling of worth and value to God is based on our list of “service” responsibilities. In our individual lives, too, we look around and so often begin to measure ourselves……usually based on comparisons with others. It’s a discouraging trap, one sure to bring defeat.

So often life doesn’t go the way we think it will. So many of us one day find ourselves looking around at our lives, maybe discontent and feeling of little use to anyone. Our past or current list of involvements may be small compared to so many others. We feel unimportant. Who wants me to fill that position? I don’t have the talent or ability to do that job. Why does that person have it all? What happened to me? Why am I alone when others are surrounded by people? The questions can be endless, as varied as life itself.

I was struck this week in my study of Isaiah by a verse in chapter 51. God was encouraging the remnant of Israel. Listen to this profound statement in verse 2: “Look to Abraham your father and to Sarah who gave birth to you in pain. When he was but one I called him; then I blessed him and multiplied him.”

Did you see it? God said, “When he was BUT ONE I called him.”

There was Abraham, way out in Ur of the Chaldeas. Where on earth is that? And who on earth was Abraham? He was but one…..but God called him. And Abraham set out in faith, not knowing where he was going, but knowing that God told him to go. One man……but one……taking just one step at a time. Steps of obedience to God. One by one.

I am but one person. So are you. But one. So was little Mary in Nazareth, and so was unimportant Joseph. Called by God to take one obedient step at a time.

None of our lives are unimportant in God’s eyes. Are you feeling that way at this point in your life? Do you feel unnecessary? Unnoticed? But you’re not! None of us is unimportant to God!

Wherever you are, you are but one. Lonely? Set aside? Disappointed at where you are and how things have turned out?

Don’t listen to Satan’s discouragements. Look to God, who chose mighty Abraham when he was but one. God delights in our weaknesses so that His strength can be known. If you are in a place where all you can do is pray, then pray with all your heart. Obey God! And know that those prayers are meaning more to others than you will probably ever see on this earth. You don’t have to be blazing trails and impressing hundreds to be of value to God and to others.

“He was but one…..”

I am but one. You are but one.

But how important each one is to God. And how important we can be to others!

This is The Day……

This morning I read about the death of one of my most remembered college professors……Martha Grace Green. Tiny little Mrs. Green was a powerhouse as she taught speech to hundreds of students over the years. We quickly learned not to underestimate her due to her size, for behind that small stature was a take-charge woman who taught us the proper way to give a speech……and to speak – (NEVER say each and every!!!)…….and also to live. For at the beginning of each and every class…..so sorry, Mrs. Green!…….the entire class recited Psalm 118:24. “This is the day which the Lord has made; we shall rejoice and be glad in it.”

Many memories of Martha Grace were coursing through my mind this morning as I went about my routine, getting ready to drive Aaron to meet his day group. I wasn’t at all surprised to hear Aaron knock on my locked bedroom door as soon as I got out of the shower. Aaron often stands outside my bedroom door when it’s locked, knocking and waiting on me to let him in. He will sometimes stand out in the hall for many minutes, as he did this morning, while he waits for me to open the door.

When I finally opened the door this morning, there stood Aaron, holding onto the two sides of the hallway wall with both hands, arms outstretched. “Mom,” he said. “I’m dizzy!” He then proceeded to walk inside my bedroom to follow me as I got ready to dry my hair. However, he was having a very difficult time staying upright. He was more than a little dizzy. He was flat out very dizzy, leaning to one side and then the next as he tried to steady himself. He held on to my dresser and then to the bathroom door as he followed me.

I knew right away what this severe dizziness was. His Epilepsy doctor recently increased one of his seizure drugs, a new one that Aaron has been on for a couple months. The doctor had told me that the most common side effect is dizziness. I had hoped that we wouldn’t see anything of significance with Aaron, but my hopes were dashed as I watched Aaron try to walk back to his room…….looking like a drunken sailor.

I made sure he was safely in his room, sitting at his desk watching a movie, and I returned to my bathroom to dry my hair. As soon as I finished, I heard Aaron again. This time I looked and found him crawling up the hall. Yes, he was crawling up the hall and into my bathroom like a baby on all fours. Poor Aaron! It made me so sad to see him like that. He lay on my bathroom floor, wondering why he was dizzy. He listened to me explain about the side effect of the increased dose of his new seizure drug. He was satisfied that he was experiencing a side effect……relieved that it wasn’t his movie that was making him dizzy.

Eventually Aaron crawled back up the hall and into his bedroom, where I helped him into his bed. “I wish I didn’t take that pills,” he said. “I just wish I could take my other pills.” My heart hurt for Aaron. He dozed a little and I hoped that he would sleep off the dizziness and return to normal when he was awake. I knew that he couldn’t go to his day group like this, so I notified them that Aaron would be staying home. I called his doctor to report the situation and to see what he wanted Aaron to do. And as I finished getting myself ready, I was mentally rearranging my day. At this time of year especially, but really every day, I have my routine figured out for each day. I know what I will do when I drop Aaron off to meet his group……what I will do first, second, third, etc. I try to make the wisest use of my time as well as the wisest way to save gas as I plan what to do when. What will I do today because I can’t do it tomorrow……because tomorrow is also planned out……and the day after that…..

The side effects of Aaron’s medicine today that showed up in his body also showed up in my schedule, and in my planning, and in my LIFE. Which brought me to the point of remembering Mrs. Green and then inwardly smiling as I made myself quote her life verse once again. “This is the day which the Lord has made; we shall rejoice and be glad in it.”

I shall rejoice and be glad in it, I told myself. A little change in my routine is no big deal. I can readjust, reschedule, rethink, and be just fine. Some days it isn’t so easy, granted, but today I can…..and I will……and I really have to…..just stop and be glad in it. So as I put away mounds of folded laundry that I had set aside for too long……and cleaned both bathrooms……and talked to Aaron when he stirred…..I kept repeating Psalm 118:24. I kept telling myself to heed its message…..to not complain or sigh…..but to rejoice and be glad in it.

IN it…..no way around it or under it or over it. IN the situation I was to rejoice. And that included poor Aaron going to the bathroom after I had thoroughly cleaned his toilet and the floor……and finding myself on my hands and knees cleaning up an even bigger mess, with dear Aaron telling me he was sorry. Dizziness and going to the bathroom when you’re a man don’t mix very well.

Aaron is better now. The doctor’s office called with new dosage instructions. The bathroom is clean again. Aaron even got some Sonic for lunch!

I am better, too. Better for having learned years ago a most valuable lesson from Martha Grace Green. She had no idea…..or maybe she did……of the many ways that her many students would use that life verse in our own lives. I certainly never dreamed that I would be helping my 30 year old special needs son crawl up the hall to his bed on the morning I learned of Mrs. Green’s death……and had her life verse repeating in my head over and over, giving me great encouragement. I never imagined that this would be my life when I was a young college girl sitting in Mrs. Green’s speech class.

But Martha Grace had lived enough life to know that all of her students needed to have one thing ingrained in our heads when we left her class. God has made each of our days to be what they are, and we are to rejoice and be glad in each and every one. Sorry again, Mrs. Green!

“This is the day which the Lord has made; I shall rejoice and be glad in it.”

Thank you, Mrs. Green. Somehow you knew.

Martha Grace Green with her son, Steve

The Phantom of the……What?

Aaron likes music of various sorts and is tolerant of most of my musical choices. We all have our favorites when it comes to the music that we enjoy and Aaron is no different. The one form of music that he probably enjoys the least is opera. I don’t listen to opera, honestly, though I do appreciate it. To Aaron, though, even Handel’s Messiah is opera. I love The Messiah, especially at Christmas…….and inevitably when I have it playing, Aaron will walk in, raise his eyebrows, give me “that” face, and say something about Mom liking opera.

When The Phantom of the Opera movie hit theaters several years ago, it quickly became a favorite to me and Andrea. I have the CD, and so a couple weeks ago I decided to play it in the van while driving Aaron to his group. He had heard it before, a long time ago, but this time he was very fascinated with it. So fascinated, in fact, that he decided to start looking The Phantom of the Opera up on the internet…..meaning he was looking at YouTube trailers and talking about this movie….a lot! It didn’t matter to him that it had the word “opera” in it…..or that some of the singing was rather operatic. He was becoming hooked on the story and had tons of questions.

I was in Target one day when I saw The Phantom of the Opera DVD on sale for only $5.00. I bought one and later that day showed it to Aaron, to his great delight. Now he could actually watch the real movie instead of just watching the movie clips. And hopefully have all of his questions answered instead of clomping down the stairs to find me, with yet another query about The Phantom of the Opera.

For awhile, though, he still watched the movie clips and still asked me many questions……until one day I looked him in the eye and profoundly said, “JUST WATCH THE MOVIE!!”

“Oh yeah,” he said…..and back up the stairs he went to his room to actually WATCH THE MOVIE!!

Before long, I heard Aaron returning down the stairs. “Mom!” he exclaimed. “The Phantom of the Menace is singing to Christine about ‘my power over you!!’ What does he mean?!”

“Wait, Aaron,” I said. “The Phantom of the What?”

“The Phantom of the Menace is singing to Christine about his power over her. And he called her his sleepy angel!” With that, Aaron doubled over and furiously rubbed his hands together in delight. He was really getting into this.

“Aaron, it’s The Phantom of the OPERA,” I corrected him.

“Oh yeah,” he said as he hurried back upstairs……and I stood there knowing that Aaron was enthralled by the fact that this Phantom of the Whatever said that he had power over Christine. Forget opera……forget singing……forget the love story….. We’re talking POWER here!!!

Aaron was hooked.

Later, he came into the kitchen to find me. “Mom! Text Andrea to tell her!”

“Tell her what, Aaron?” I asked.

“Tell her that I like The Phantom of the Menace. Put it this way…..”

Opera, Aaron. The Phantom of the Opera.

So I texted Andrea to tell her that Aaron liked The Phantom of the Opera.

And on another occasion…..”Mom! Did you tell Andrew that I like The Phantom of the Menace?”

Opera, Aaron.

Soon Aaron realized that there was more going on in The Phantom of the Opera than underground tunnels and organ music and POWER. He was catching on to the fact that there was a love story involved. He knew that Christine had two men who loved her.

“Mom, the other guy that likes Christine is greedy of her!”

Well…..kind of……but not really greedy…..it’s just that……

Sigh. You try to explain it as Aaron stands there rubbing his hands together and then says, “Mom, The Phantom of the Menace is my favorite character!”

Opera, Aaron.

He wanted to know where the movie took place. “Mom, I noticed they say things in Paris words!”

He wanted to know why the Phantom wore a mask. “Mom, it’s funny that The Phantom of the Menace wears a mask. I thought he could have done skin surgery!”

Opera, Aaron.

And I was not going to explain skin surgery availability at this point. Aaron’s attention to every detail was taking all the fun out of the movie…..except for him. To Aaron, that IS the fun of a movie!! Every single solitary miniscule detail must be discussed until Gary and I are thoroughly sick of it! And I used to love The Phantom of the Menace.

Opera.

“Mom! I noticed that The Phantom of the Menace is trying to kidnap Christine in chapter 8!”

Oh great. Now he’s even into what CHAPTER contains every single solitary miniscule detail.

Opera, Aaron.

And perhaps Aaron’s most astute observation: “Mom, I noticed that movie is about singing.”

Opera, Aaron. It does involve some singing.

And I had to smile……smile at how intriguing every movie and every event is to Aaron. How he processes all that he sees and hears, down to every single solitary miniscule detail. He doesn’t miss a thing. He even said that some of the songs in The Phantom of the Menace…..Opera…..made him cry. Wow!

So yesterday at his yearly BASIS meeting at Paradigm, we sat there with a new person doing his assessment. She was easy going and so Aaron relaxed. He started talking about movies, of course. And I reminded him to tell her of his new favorite movie. Aaron just looked blankly at me, so I quietly prompted him.

“Phantom of the….”

“Menace!” he said.

Opera, Aaron.

She had no idea why I laughed.