Month: March 2024

Waiting Slow

This past Christmas, with all the craziness going on in our family surrounding our daughter and son-in-law’s move to our town, we had to delay our family Christmas until the middle of January.  When we told Aaron that we would be having Christmas in January, he replied in his matter-of-fact way.

“But we open presents on December 25th,” he stated.

“Well, yes, we usually do but this year no one will be here on that day,” I replied.

We had this conversation several times over the next few days.  Finally, we came to a compromise.  Aaron would open two presents on Christmas day and save the rest for our family celebration in January.  

Christmas morning (the REAL Christmas morning) came.  Aaron was very excited about opening his two gifts.  Gary and I were relishing our slow, relaxed morning.  However, Aaron was not on the same page as we were.

Finally, his patience was wearing thin.  He told me to get ready so he could open his two Christmas presents.  I told him to wait and not rush me.

“Mom!!” he said, “why do you want me to wait slow?!”

I’ve thought about his description of waiting slow.  I think we all have situations in life that seem like they’re dragging on forever.  Times that we seem stuck with no answers…no way out.

We wonder why God is silent…or at least He seems to be.  

“God, I’ve prayed and prayed about this.  Why do You want me to wait slow for Your answer?”

But sometimes the waiting slow IS God’s answer.  For in the place of waiting, God has so much to teach us.

The Apostle Paul knew this truth.  In his second letter to the Corinthian church, he told the believers there that he had been so burdened and afflicted that he despaired for his life.  He was beyond any remaining strength.  He felt the sentence of death within himself.

Why?  

Why would God allow such a faithful servant of Paul to endure this prolonged suffering?  Well, Paul tells us why.

“…so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God Who raises the dead…He on Whom we have set our hope.”   (II Corinthians 1:9-10)

When God puts His children in life’s waiting rooms, He has a good purpose in mind for us.  

It is in the waiting that we see our need for God.

It is in the waiting that we learn a deeper trust.

It is in the waiting that we learn to praise God despite our suffering.

And it is in the waiting that we learn where to place our hope.

I talked not long ago to a husband who is caring for his wife with Alzheimer’s.  They are far too young to be enduring this sadness.  Yet his attitude was one of surrender to God’s plan instead of what his plan had been for their retirement years.  He sees his care for her as the ministry that God has for him at this time in his life.  He has learned where to place his hope.

There is a dear family here whose husband/dad has been on the heart transplant list but since he has had some strokes, he is no longer eligible for transplant.  It was a gut punch.  But God did open the door for him to be transferred to the #1 rehab hospital in the country.  After being rejected by so many other rehab hospitals, God opened this one at just the right time.  His wife said, “I am thankful for the prayers that God chooses to answer differently from what I expect.  It’s just learning to continue to have the faith that He knows what He is doing.”  In waiting slow, she has learned a deeper trust.

The point is, when we are waiting slow it’s so important not to place our hope in whatever answer we want from God, but instead to place our hope in God Himself.  

He will do what is best, in His time.  We can trust Him to do that!

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.”  (Psalm 27:14)

Standing Firm

The other morning as I had my quiet time, I read this verse:

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This picture on which I put this verse is one of hundreds that I have taken from the window in the room where I sit at my desk on most mornings and spend time with God.  That is where I was sitting when I read those words.

The window in that room looks out on our back yard.  There, front and center, is this very large oak tree.  So many of the sky pictures or weather pictures that I have taken over the years just naturally include that big oak tree.

When we first moved here 25 years ago, that tree was small.  But now look at it!

As I read those words that Paul had written to the Corinthian believers centuries ago, and I looked out my window, I thought of how our oak tree is a beautiful example of standing firm in our faith no matter what is going on around us.  

The cold days of winter:

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The growth, but also the storms, of spring:

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The beauty of a summer sunset:

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The golden days of autumn:

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The fog that may hide our view of what’s around us:

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The scary storms that come:

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Each of us can relate to one of these scenarios.  Life is so full of beauty but also can wallop us with fear and heartache.  

My prayer is that I…that all of us who follow Christ…will stand firm in our faith even when the scenes that surround us are changing.

The only way to do that is to stay in God’s Word, ask for His wisdom and direction, and follow Him faithfully.  

Don’t let the winds that are blowing all around us, especially in these days, weaken and uproot us.  Stay rooted and grounded in God’s truth!

So may it be said of each of us who are Christ followers, “FOR IN YOUR FAITH YOU ARE STANDING FIRM!”

Uncle Aaron: Out of Order

A few weeks ago, Aaron had an incident at his day group.  He got mad at another client there, lost his temper, and ended up being pushed down.  As a result, a nose piece on his glasses got a little bent.  As soon as we could, I took Aaron to our vision center to have his glasses fixed.

Knowing that Aaron greatly enjoys telling everyone all the juicy details of these happenings, I paused to talk to him before we went inside.  I told him that no one needed to know all about how his nose piece got bent.  It’s hard to explain without making him or the other young man or his day group look bad. 

Aaron agreed.

I was not convinced.

As soon as we were seated at the table, Aaron took off his glasses for the technician.  She immediately saw the bent nose piece.  But Aaron could not stop himself from giving at least some form of explanation.

“My place in Wichita went out of order,” he flatly said.

She was confused but made no comment, only smiled.

I was holding in a belly laugh.

And Aaron strikes again with his hilarious and unique way of explaining things, I thought.

It wasn’t until sometime later that it hit me.  Aaron had made the perfect explanation of how he sees his new role as Uncle Aaron.

His place in our family went out of order.

Order is what Aaron craves in his life.  But it must be the order that Aaron mandates.  Anyone who disrupts that order is the object of Aaron’s anger.

Aaron’s nephew, Ryker, has disrupted Aaron’s ordered life.  Aaron’s normal has been upended now that Ryker and Andrea and Kyle live here.  

When the three of them are at our house, Aaron’s mood often becomes confrontational and angry.  He makes comments about how we don’t love him anymore or don’t love him as much as we love Ryker.  Or he gets angry at Kyle for whatever reason.  

Aaron has had us to himself for years.  This sharing business is a monumental adjustment for him.  

Autism is so tricky…so very hard to understand sometimes.  A lot of times.

Or we understand it on paper but when behaviors affect our joy and our emotions then it’s, quite honestly, maddening.

This is how I look at it.  When we see Aaron having a seizure, we understand what is happening.  We feel concern and empathy for Aaron.  We want to help him and be sure that he is cared for and safe.

However, when we see Aaron’s autism at play, it usually involves some sort of behavior from him.  Sometimes he can be funny or uniquely amazing, but there are also plenty of times that he is disruptive, angry, unreasonable…I’ll stop there.  You get the picture.

When he is seizing, we stay with him until the seizure is over.  We would never tell him to stop seizing.  He can’t, of course.

When he is having an autistic episode of anger or frustration, we try to talk to him…to tell him to stop…to get him to listen to reason.  But he usually can’t, any more than he can stop a seizure.

But that fact is hard to grasp in the middle of everyone’s high emotions.  

When special needs affect behaviors, it is very difficult to have the same level of compassion that we have when there is only a physical effect, such as a seizure.  That’s because behaviors affect others around the person so personally.  Our emotions get involved because we are frustrated, hurt, angry ourselves, disappointed, and the list goes on.  

Aaron reacts to his environment very strongly.  His environment has been turned upside down by the addition of his nephew into his life, as well as his sister and brother-in-law. 

All of this makes me think of that old Tina Turner song: “What’s Love Got To Do With It?”

Nothing, to Aaron.  Not when his world is out of order.

It’s not all bad, though.  Aaron has sweet moments, and we relish those.  

A few nights ago, he wanted Ryker to sit on his bed before they left.  He gave Ryker a necklace of his and laughed in delight at how happy that made Ryker.  Then Aaron ran downstairs to tell Kyle he was sorry for being mean to him earlier.  

Yesterday, Aaron walked outside with Andrea and Ryker. 

 

Aaron was more patient with everyone and didn’t attempt to be the only one talking all during our lunch.

“Was I good when Andrea and Kyle were here, Mom?” he asked me last night. 

He’s so childlike at these times and my heart really goes out to him.

Our prayer is that Uncle Aaron will learn to be secure in his place in our family; to develop a relationship with Ryker as well as Kyle; and to know that he is greatly loved.

And to someday know that his world is not out of order but is instead in a very wonderful order!