I wrote last Thursday about my mostly happy, musical day with Aaron. Singing We Go
But there was also the issue of his wet bed, which I thought was due to him drinking too much water before bed. Pretty sure I was wrong.
Aaron’s new seizure pattern and the hard end to our mostly happy day certainly pointed to that reality.
I was cleaning the kitchen after we ate a late supper. Aaron walked through the kitchen and then I heard a noise. I looked over and saw him face-planted on the kitchen table. What on earth? I thought he had stumbled and fallen on the table.
“Aaron,” I asked as I headed toward him. “Are you OK?”
That’s when I saw him falling over and I knew that he was seizing. I yelled for Gary as I ran to Aaron, catching him somewhat as he hit the chair and then went down on the floor. Gary helped break the fall, too, and then got a pillow for Aaron’s head as the seizure continued for awhile and then eased.
I knew, as I watched him, that Aaron must have had a seizure during the night…a seizure I didn’t hear. This is his new pattern. A low front with storms came through during the night. Every seizure in the past 2+ months have come during low fronts, with one seizure at night and then one or more seizures the next day while he’s up and about, out of nowhere.
All this academic stuff, though, did nothing for my racing heart and the feeling that I had been punched in the gut. Just looking at Aaron as he lay on the floor was heart-breaking, to say the least, and was a very unwelcome confirmation to us of this new chapter in his seizure journey.
“What are we going to do?” I asked rhetorically to Gary as we stood in the kitchen.
“I don’t know,” he answered, wearily. “This is unknown ground to us.”
And as quickly as Gary said those words, God spoke to me. I don’t say that lightly. But I know that it was God speaking His words of hope to me…to us…as surely as I know Gary’s voice.
“It may be unknown ground,” God said. “But I have told you that I know the path that you take.”
Such comfort washed over me at that moment! I mean, I still felt the physical effects in my stomach from the fear of seeing Aaron fall. I felt weak and teary-eyed and worried. But really, the “peace that passes understanding” kept rolling over me as I thought of those words: “I know the path that you take.”
This is hope. This is true, biblical, God-focused hope that the world does not offer or understand. Haven’t we seen that recently in the spate of suicides of very successful people?
There are two kinds of hope. When I relate them to our situation with Aaron, I see that we have the first kind of hope quite often. Gary and I hope that Aaron will improve. We hope that he’ll be safe. We hope that something we try will help his seizures to decrease. We hope that we can find caregivers for Aaron, especially during our daughter’s wedding in Texas.
This kind of hope is a feeling, not based on any certainty, but just…well…a hope. We hope for the best, but aren’t sure if it will happen.
But there’s another hope, one that comes from knowing God personally through our relationship with Jesus. This is the hope that Paul, for instance, talks about in Romans 5.
This hope is one directed toward God’s promise, and CERTAIN of it’s realization.
This hope is IN God…in His character…in His Word…in His promises to me…in WHO He is!!
And this hope is why I was instantly filled with God’s peace as Gary and I talked about our new and unknown ground upon which we are walking.
This certain trust born from my relationship with my known Savior is what this world needs, and doesn’t have. Nothing in this world can manufacture this kind of purpose and peace and comfort.
No amount of fame or money or success or promotion or self esteem or anything else that we strive for can bring us this certain hope.
Only a personal relationship with God will result in such hope.
Our problems may not go away, but that desire is not on what I am to place my hope. Hoping in a desired outcome is normal, but does not bring me any lasting assurance at all. I’ve learned that much in my life.
My only assurance is in knowing that God is sovereign. He is in charge of my life. He loves me. He knows what’s best for me…for Gary…and for Aaron.
Sometimes His best is hard, but it’s always best.
So God’s best…God Himself…is my only hope. And it’s enough, because God is enough.
Edward Mote says it perfectly in the old hymn, The Solid Rock:
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ the solid rock I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
To end our evening, as I stood in Aaron’s room and looked out his window, God seemed to smile at me as He gave me this little touch of beauty from heaven.
God knows the path we take. All is well.