Category: Trials

A Shining Light Among The Broken

Aaron followed me into the dining room one day.  I wasn’t paying attention to him behind me as I worked on our Christmas village. 

“Mom, look!” Aaron said.

I turned to see him staring intently at our little tree that is full of my Grandma Holly’s handmade ornaments, made with love so many years ago.  This was a pre-lit tree, but as so often happens, those bulbs had long since burned out.  I had replaced them with another strand of lights but left the unlit lights on the tree – hidden, so I thought, by the new lights. 

“This light bulb doesn’t work!” Aaron exclaimed.  And as his eyes roamed over the tree branches, he pointed out other broken small bulbs. 

“Here’s another one!” he said.  “And here…and here…and here,” he continued as he pointed to each one.

 I see brokenness all around me.  I see it as I walk through the stores…as I pick Aaron up from his special need’s day group…as we deliver for Meals on Wheels…in the prayers asked for family and friends…and sitting all around me in church.

And I see brokenness when I look in my mirror.

We all have those hidden struggles and deep pains that keep us awake at night.  

Broken lights.

I think Christmas is the time of year where we see most clearly that there is nothing we can do to manufacture true peace in our souls.

We shop, put up beautiful lights and decorations, bake the best treats, send and receive the cards…

But deep deep down our particular broken areas of hurt and worry remain.  No amount of self-help can take it away.

Yet a light does shine among our broken lights.

WHO we celebrate, or should, is the answer to our broken.

“There was the true Light which, coming into the world, enlightens every man.”  (John 1:9)

“Christmas is a brilliant remembrance of the grace and mercy of God.”  (Albert Mohler)

Our answer is in the Light of the world, Jesus.  

Our broken areas are still there, but the light of Jesus can shine the brightest in our lives if we just let Him do so.  

Our answer is not within us.  It’s outside of us, through Jesus.

God sent Jesus, His Son, to live an unbroken life in this broken world so that we could know God through Him.  

Jesus came TO us so that we could have hope IN us.

We can still point out the broken lights in our lives, but the true Light can shine the brightest if we believe in and receive Jesus, God’s greatest gift to us.

And His light will never be broken.

An Enemy and A River

I felt the knots in my stomach as Tuesday’s election results came in, and the reality of the results became clear.  

Is this really happening in America, I wondered?  

I felt a heaviness and a deep sadness for so many reasons.  I know God is in control but that punch in the gut was there for me just the same.

I had decided on that day that I would re-visit the book of Joshua in my morning quiet time the following day.   And there it was that morning, such a clear and encouraging truth from God.  One I have known for years but need to hear again in times such as these.

God had led Israel across the wilderness, despite their disobedience, and brought them to this place of promise.

But Moses had just died.  Their leader was gone when they needed him the most.

Ahead of them was a strong enemy nation, extremely violent and ungodly.  Israel didn’t even have an army.

There was also the matter of the Jordan River.  God led them to the river at flood stage, the worst time for crossing.

Could things be more dismal or hopeless?

But this was all part of God’s plan.  His timing is always perfect – in HIS eyes, that is.  Very often, not in ours.

God didn’t let a funeral or a strong enemy or a raging river stop Him.

“Moses is dead.  Now cross the Jordan,” God said.

Moses died, but God’s faithfulness did not.

This is what we all need to remember as we look at the fearful prospects of what is happening in our country.  Or as we experience the turmoil and stress of our lives in our homes and families.

God’s promise to Israel is also His promise to each of His followers today.

Listen to what God told Joshua:

“No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life.  Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you.  I will not fail you or forsake you.”   (Joshua 1:5)

And hear what God says to believers today:

“…I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you, so that we confidently say, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.  What will man do to me?”   (Hebrews 13:5-6)

The phrase, “I will not fail you,” in Joshua means that God will not relax His grip.

God will not let go of us who follow Him.

He is holding us as we see the rise of socialism and communism in America.

But He is also gripping our hand during every stress we face behind the walls of our own homes.  

I took these two pictures on the same day, at sunrise and sunset.  Let’s remember:

            “From the rising of the sun…

           

  to its setting…

            the name of the Lord is to be praised.”   (Psalm 113:3)

Great is His faithfulness!

Every Part and Piece

Early last spring we bought a play set to put together for our grandchildren.  One of the first and most important steps was to carefully divide all the many pieces of wood into groups based on their stamped labels.  Then we separated all the hundreds of screws and nuts and bolts and hooks.  

Gary and two young men we know then began to assemble the play set.  They carefully followed the printed instructions page by page.  My job was to lay out all the screws and other hardware as well as the boards to be used in each step. 

 

As we worked together, we quickly learned that only the particular pieces listed in the instruction manual would work for each step of the building process.  No substitutions would fit.  

The finished product was a beautiful play set that our grandson has greatly enjoyed.  But it’s beautiful only because every part and piece was placed exactly where it belonged.

There were times as we were building that we questioned the placement of a section, but we had to trust the instructions and keep on going.

Isn’t this just like our life sometimes?  Even as we follow Christ, we wonder at the way He leads.  We question what He has allowed in our lives.  

But we also have an instruction manual to follow.  God told us clearly in His Word a very important truth.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God…” (Romans 8:28)

We don’t need to understand all that is happening to us.  The placement of the parts and pieces of our trials are usually impossible to understand. 

Our responsibility is to love and follow our Savior, trusting that He is putting every part and piece of our lives into an order that will produce a beautiful work…one that will make us more like Him and bring Him glory as we trust His building process.

I love the verses of this very old hymn.  I pray it means a lot to each of you as well.

            If thou but trust in God to guide thee,

            And hope in Him through all thy ways,

            He’ll give thee strength, 

            Whate’er betide thee,

            To bear thee through the evil days;

            Who trusts in God’s unchanging love

            Builds on the rock that naught can move.

            Only be still, and wait His leisure

            In cheerful hope, with heart content

            To take whate’er thy Father’s pleasure

            And all discerning love hath sent;

            Nor doubt our inmost wants are known

            To Him Who chose us for His own.

            Sing, pray, and keep His ways unswerving;

            So do thine own part faithfully;

            And trust His Word, though underserving,

            Thou yet shalt find it true for thee;

            God never yet forsook at need,

            The soul that trusted Him indeed.

                        (If Thou But Trust in God to Guide Thee, Georg Neumark, 1641)

God’s Unseen Footprints

Our family has recently been going through some very wonderful times mixed with a big dose of some very scary and stressful times.  

We welcomed our new little granddaughter, Coralynn Grace, into our hearts and arms on April 16.  

But Andrea, who has some autoimmune health issues, had several complications that resulted in a C-section and a huge loss of blood.  Three days after she came home from the hospital, she had to be re-admitted for emergency surgery.  They discovered massive internal bleeding and a large hematoma.  Between the two surgeries, Andrea lost most of her blood volume.  When she was finally dismissed from the hospital, her surgeon said that no one knew how Andrea was still alive because usually that volume of blood loss causes cardiac arrest.  

There are many other issues going on in our lives and theirs currently that have increased the pressure we’re all under by a LOT.  

We’re very thankful for our sweet little baby girl and for God sparing her mama’s life while at the same time feeling like we’re all barely treading water.

During the beginning days of all this crazy time, I opened my Bible one morning and read a favorite Psalm of mine…Psalm 77.  This Psalm begins with words that described our feelings as this journey of ours began, words of worry and sleepless nights…of being so troubled that words would not come…of sighing, distress, and despair.

But then the Psalmist began to remember the past…of God’s wonders as He led Israel out of Egypt…of God showing His great strength…of the holy ways of God.

But those ways of God led Israel to the sea. “Your way was in the sea and your paths in the mighty waters,” the Psalmist said.  

And then this, the truth that I have loved for years in these verses:  “And Your footprints could not be seen.”  

God led His people not only TO the water, but He led them INTO the water.  And there His tracks, His footprints, seemed to end.  They could not be seen in the water.  

Screenshot

And in our lives, this is where faith comes in.  My trust is not in the footprints that I can see. 

My trust is in the God Who is leading me where I can’t see His tracks.  

Sometimes we can’t see His footprints…..

In the cancer.

In the surgeries.

In the dementia.

In the terminal diagnosis.

In the job loss.

In the broken car.

In the wayward child.

In the broken marriage.

In death.

But God is there!  

Right after the Psalmist talked about God’s unseen footprints, he said, “You led Your people like a flock.”  

God loves His sheep, and He is leading us.  He hasn’t forsaken us, and He never will.  

Every unseen step through the deep waters we face is His leading us for our good now and for His glory as we point to Him and follow Him in trust.

I may not always feel the trust in the middle of great stress, but I keep following Him and speaking words of trust anyway.  

“Your way, O God, is holy; what God is great like our God?  You are the God Who works wonders; You have made known Your strength among the peoples.”   (Psalm 77:13-14)

Keep following! 

Keep trusting!

And someday you’ll look back and see God’s footprints all over your life.

Footprints

Not quite two weeks ago we had what might be our last snowstorm of the season.  One never knows here on the plains if that’s the case.  This storm came along with bitter temperatures and biting wind as well as the snow.

I reluctantly got out of bed on the second morning after the storm.  Lots of schools and other activities were closed, as well as Aaron’s day group, so it felt good to sleep in a little.  Still, it was hard to leave the warm bed for the colder house.  

As I so often do, I eventually went to one of our back windows to look outside at the view.  And was I ever surprised!  Something…or some things…had been very busy in our back yard during the night!  

I smiled at the sight of all those footprints.  What could have been walking in our yard while we slept?  There sure was plenty of evidence of lots of activity!

I have seen some other activity in my life recently.  God has been doing His work both in my heart and in the lives of others as He has answered some specific prayers.  

We all go through periods where our lives are like a dark night.  We have cold winds of worry or disappointment swirling all around us.  Fear knocks at our windows.  We can’t seem to see the way out or know the way to go.  

But for those who are walking with God, who are obeying Him and following Him, you are never alone.

You may not immediately see the image of his footprints in your life, but they are there.  As time goes on you will begin to see His presence in your life even when all seemed dark and cold and hopeless.  

God has promised to never abandon His children.  He is walking all through our lives, leaving His prints and His mark.  What He told Israel is still true for us today.

“The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you.  Do not fear or be dismayed.”  (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Just like I saw the evidence of all the unseen activity in our yard, so we can see the evidence of God’s footsteps in our lives.  

He has promised us His peace, not as the world gives, but the peace that passes understanding given by God Himself.

God has told us that the joy of the Lord will be our strength.

He has said that everything in the lives of His children works for our good.

God has promised to keep us safe, to bear our burdens, to make us glad, to make us new, to keep us near, and so many other precious promises.

Sometimes we walk through some very hard times, but God is right there going before us and beside us.  

We can trust His plan and His presence.  

His footprints are all over the place!  We can count on Him for that!

This old hymn says it perfectly.

Footsteps of Jesus

Sweetly, Lord, have we heard Thee calling,
Come, follow Me!
And we see where Thy footprints falling
Lead us to Thee.

  • Refrain:
    Footprints of Jesus,
    That make the pathway glow;
    We will follow the steps of Jesus
    Where’er they go.

Though they lead o’er the cold, dark mountains,
Seeking His sheep;
Or along by Siloam’s fountains,
Helping the weak.

If they lead through the temple holy,
Preaching the Word;
Or in homes of the poor and lowly,
Serving the Lord.

Though, dear Lord, in Thy pathway keeping,
We follow Thee;
Through the gloom of that place of weeping,
Gethsemane!

If Thy way and its sorrows bearing,
We go again,
Up the slope of the hillside, bearing
Our cross of pain.

By and by, through the shining portals,
Turning our feet,
We shall walk, with the glad immortals,
Heav’n’s golden street.

Then, at last, when on high He sees us,
Our journey done,
We will rest where the steps of Jesus
End at His throne.

My Adornment

It was Christmas Eve morning, and I was preparing for a day full of cooking and family fun.  The day before, I had pulled off my plan for an “Aaron day” without a hitch.  I wanted him to have time doing what he loves before all the commotion of Christmas wreaked havoc with his routine and therefore with his behaviors.  Our son and his girlfriend, just in for the holiday, joined us at All Star Sports for some Aaron-style fun.  Afterwards, we ate at Old Chicago, a favorite of Aaron’s.  It was a great time!

But early the next morning I heard Aaron having a big seizure.  This was a bed wetting one.  So mixed in with my cooking and all the other Christmas prep, I found myself hauling loads of bedding to the laundry room.  My main emotion was sadness for Aaron that day as he had two more big seizures over the next several hours.  

Yet these moments also drive home to me the fact that caregiving is my life.  It’s a life I never envisioned for myself when I contemplated marriage and motherhood as a young starry-eyed woman.

Every mother lives a life of self-sacrifice in many ways but having a child with special needs of whatever kind increases that role in ways she never knew.  Any caregiving role is the same.

That is why I was so impacted by some verses I read one morning.  Paul was talking to Titus about practical ways that we as believers are to live out the gospel.  In chapter two of Titus, Paul gave instructions to older men and women as well as to the younger men.  

He ended that section by urging slaves to conduct their lives in a way that they would “…adorn the doctrine of God.”

In that culture, slaves were nothing.  They were the lowest of the low.  Yet Paul told Titus to encourage them to adorn the doctrine of God, the gospel.

This is a high calling for such a lowly people!

The word “adorn” carries the meaning of arranging jewels in a setting that displays their beauty.  

I love what John Stott said about these verses:  “…the gospel is a jewel, while a consistent Christian life is like the setting in which the gospel-jewel is displayed; it can add lustre to it.”  

Our human tendency is to equate importance with the “big things.”  Red carpets, book signings, conference speakers, a record contract.  

Not with wet bedding, doctor visits, behavior issues.  

Not with dementia, hospice, hospitals, infusions, cancer…

But the gospel shines brightest in the darkest places.  This is where God is especially honored and given great glory.

How?  By our faith being seen in our service to the ones we are caring for.  By yielding to God’s plan for our lives with trust and peace, even through tears or anger or resentment that inevitably comes at those vulnerable moments.  

It’s a matter of my heart, not my surroundings.  

“Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. WHATEVER YOU DO, DO YOUR WORK HEARTILY, AS FOR THE LORD RATHER THAN MEN.”   (Colossians 3:22-23)

Where do you find yourself today?  

Remember that the seemingly lowest place is the place of high calling in your life as a believer.  

Even if we feel like no one notices our service, God still urges us to shine with the beauty of the gospel.  God notices and that is all that really matters. 

 

Am I Ready?

It was November 7, 1984.  Gary and I lived in Colorado Springs.  I was one week into my 9th month of pregnancy with our first child.  Gary had just returned home from flying his Army Cobra helicopter.  I headed up our stairs when a pain hit me.  Gary saw me from our bedroom as he was changing out of his flight suit.

“Now?” he asked with surprise.  

I soon knew that, yes, the time was now.  We hurried to Fort Carson and just a few short hours later we welcomed Aaron into the world…into our world.  

I had been busy making all his nursery items.  The yellow and white gingham curtains, bumper pad, and changing table cover were waiting on Aaron.  But there were still things to do, like putting the crib together and finalizing all the other details of his cute yellow duck nursery.  We just weren’t all the way ready for Aaron to join us three weeks early!

In so many other ways over the 40 years of our life with Aaron, I have found myself still not ready.  Not ready for this journey of Epilepsy, Autism, and having our adult son still living with us.  Not ready for the hundreds of ways that our life is not at all what we thought it would be as we held our little 6 lb. 4 oz. squirming bundle in that old military hospital on Fort Carson.

In so many ways, Gary and I are set apart from our peers even at this stage of our lives.  We are not free to come and go as we might wish.  Aaron is entwined in every decision we make.  And when I meet someone new and we are getting acquainted, the usual response when I tell them that we still have our adult special needs son living with us is, “Oh.”  Most people don’t know what to do with that scenario and so they quickly move on to other topics. 

Aaron can be so funny.  He is just who he is, too, especially in public.  But even that can be a bit embarrassing to us as he does his Aaron things, oblivious to what others are thinking.  Like sitting in the grocery aisle to examine his latest food find.

Or sitting on the floor in every waiting room now so that he can work on his sticker book, even rearranging a chair or table if needed.

I have thought a lot about Mary especially now as we retell the Christmas story at this time of year.  When Gabriel told her that she would become pregnant and give birth to Jesus, God’s Son, she humbly said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”  

She must have experienced so much embarrassment as her condition became known.  Did anyone other than Joseph really believe her story?  The gossip, the looks, the questions…how she must have been set apart from everyone in that small town.  

Mary gave birth far from home, surrounded by animals in a dirty stable.  Not even her mother was there to help her.  I doubt that the scene was like the ideal pictures we see on our Christmas cards. 

Then the move to Egypt to escape Herod and coming back to their hometown of Nazareth a few years later where everyone knew Mary’s story of her past.  

Was Mary ready to be the mother of Jesus?  Ready for the turmoil that surrounded Jesus? Ready for the fear as she watched Him being hated and persecuted?  Ready for the extreme heartbreak as she watched him tortured and put to death?  

I doubt that she was.  But she had already made the most impactful decision of her life when she yielded to God’s will for her life.  

That same yielding to God is what brings me the deepest peace as well, even in the fear of Aaron’s seizures.

Peace, eventually, during the frustrations of his behaviors.

I know, and so can you, that “…the God of peace…even Jesus our Lord, will equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever.  Amen.”   (Hebrews 13:20-21)

We don’t know what it is that will please God in our lives.  

But we can be ready if we know and follow Him, trusting our loving God as we, like Mary, say, “May it be to me according to Your word.”

The best gift we can give Jesus is our heart and our will.

May each of you have a very blessed Christmas season as we celebrate the birth of such a Savior!  

The Form of Our Fears

I remember as a child how my mother would ask me to run down to the basement to get something for her.  Maybe it was food she needed out of the freezer or a jar of beans she had canned.  I dreaded those basement trips because of the fear that would often grip me.  There were too many hiding places down there and my imagination would go wild.  I especially disliked going back up the stairs as I imagined someone following me from behind or a hand reaching out and grabbing my ankle.  I ran up those stairs as fast as I could, breathing in huge relief as I entered the door to our kitchen where I found warmth and safety.  

The early nation of Israel faced a great fear as they fought their enemies in the land God had promised them.  The last group that is mentioned in Joshua 11 are the Anakim. These were the giants who had terrorized the spies 40 years earlier.  Ten of the twelve spies had said nope to the idea of entering the land, saying that those horrible giants made them look like grasshoppers.  

Now all those years later, here was Israel facing their giants again.  Joshua 11:21-22 succinctly states that in the last battle for the land, the Anakim were cut off and there were no Anakim left.  God gave Israel the final victory over this enemy that they greatly feared.  God would have won that battle forty years earlier, but Israel chose to live in fear and unbelief instead.

We all have those giants in our lives…things or situations that we fear.  The state of our nation and the world today can easily cause us to fear for our future.  But usually, our fears are much more personal.  Reality can barrel into our happy lives and knock us off our feet with no warning.  

As a follower of Christ, though, we have Him behind us.  We don’t need to run up the stairs in fear.  

I love what Dale Davis said in his commentary on the book of Joshua.

“God’s power is adequate to meet our most dreadful fears.  Our situation is both different from and similar to Israel’s.  The form of our fears is different; the adequacy of our God is the same.”

Scripture tells us that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  We serve the same God of endless power today that Israel knew way back in the day.  

Same God.  Same power.  Same love and plan for each of our lives.

God is more than able to defeat your giants, no matter how scary they are.  

I don’t want to keep running up the stairs in fear of what might attack me.  With God by my side, I can take each step calmly and in full faith that He is with me to fight for me.  

This old hymn expresses it well:

Leaning on the Everlasting Arms

What have I to dread,
What have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
I have blessed peace
With my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.


Leaning, leaning,
Safe and secure from all alarms;
Leaning, leaning,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

My Cross As A Crutch

Yesterday evening I was feeling particularly burdened over several things.  I felt the weight of the loads of life more than usual.

Harsh angry words from Aaron earlier in the day still reverberated in my mind.  Even worse were my own angry words thrown out to him in response.  

Then heavy on my heart was my conversation with the husband of my dear friend of many years.  Her disease is ravaging her mind, and my mind can’t wrap around the reality of that.  Emotions that I have kept in check spilled from my eyes.

I took my old Streams in the Desert devotional book and sat on the patio, soaking in the fresh air and the beginning of dusk.  I turned to the day’s date and saw this verse:  “Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.”  (Mark 8:34)

I began to read the words of Alexander Smellie, a Scottish preacher who died 100 years ago.  

“The cross which my Lord bids me take up and carry may assume different shapes.  There are many crosses, and every one of them is sore and heavy.  But never is Jesus so near me as when I lift my cross, and lay it submissively on my shoulder, and give it the welcome of a patient and unmurmuring spirit.  He draws close, to ripen my wisdom, to deepen my peace, to increase my courage, to augment my power to be of use to others, through the very experience which is so grievous and distressing, and then…I grow under the load.”

Then the author added this:

“Use your cross as a crutch to help you on, and not as a stumbling block to cast you down.”

I know there are several meanings that carrying our cross conveys, yet all of them indicate a difficult load in life.  Every person I know is carrying a burden today, some more than others.

But Jesus also promised that if we come to Him with our burdens, He will give us rest:  “For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”  (Matthew 11:30)

The word “easy” means “tailor made.”  God knows exactly what is best for me, for my dear friends, for you.  He is not cruel.  Read again what the old Scottish preacher said.  

God is near in our burdens, giving us wisdom and filling us with purpose and peace we can learn no other way.

Oh, may I…may you…use our crosses as a crutch to help us walk through this life in a way that honors our Heavenly Father and grows us more like Him.

Stepping Into the Mist

Several years ago, I turned onto a road near our house, and this was the scene that met my eyes.

I couldn’t see very far ahead.  And even though I knew the road, I didn’t know what might be on the road out of my sight.  The fog hid what was there, beyond my vision, but I knew I needed to go forward.

If you know Jesus as your Savior and are following Him, you know that there are certain times that He puts you on a road that is shrouded in the unknown.  I see it around me all the time, either with family and friends, or those that I don’t personally know.  And I have experienced it in my own life.

I will never forget the day that Aaron had his sudden first big seizure.  We were living in Germany where Gary was stationed in the military.  Aaron’s seizure was completely unexpected and terrifying.  I remember the cold fear that squeezed my heart.  Then came the ambulance ride, the days in the German children’s hospital, the language barrier, the exhaustion, and the shocking diagnosis of Epilepsy.  

But I also remember our first night back home, when I could finally sit at my desk and cry the tears I had held back all week.  And there it was…God’s amazing peace filled my hurting heart.  He reminded me that He had not gone anywhere…that He was with me and with Aaron…and that He was the same God whose character I had known for many years.  He had not changed one bit.  He had a reason for this unexpected bend in the road…this fog that I could not see through still held Him there with me.  

I could freeze in fear or be angry with God or be bitter about why He allowed such a thing to happen to our little Aaron.

Or I could step out in faith and trust in my heavenly Father.

I love what F. B. Meyer said: “There is nothing, indeed, which God will not do for a man who dares to step out upon what seems to be the mist; though as he puts down his foot he finds a rock beneath him.”

Moses knew this about God when he spoke to the assembly of Israel:

“For I proclaim the name of the Lord; ascribe greatness to our God!

The ROCK!  His work is perfect, for all His ways are just.

A God of faithfulness and without injustice, righteous and upright is He.

(Deuteronomy 32:3-4)

Whatever you are going through today, know that if you are following God, He will be your firm rock in the mists of fear and uncertainty.  

You will find a rock beneath your feet and that rock is God Himself.

And some day you will see that same road clearly, in all its purposes, as the best plan that God could ever have for you.