I'm Patty, and my husband and I are living with our adult son who has autism and epilepsy. I love sharing lessons learned from life around me, especially life with Aaron.
I felt the knots in my stomach as Tuesday’s election results came in, and the reality of the results became clear.
Is this really happening in America, I wondered?
I felt a heaviness and a deep sadness for so many reasons. I know God is in control but that punch in the gut was there for me just the same.
I had decided on that day that I would re-visit the book of Joshua in my morning quiet time the following day. And there it was that morning, such a clear and encouraging truth from God. One I have known for years but need to hear again in times such as these.
God had led Israel across the wilderness, despite their disobedience, and brought them to this place of promise.
But Moses had just died. Their leader was gone when they needed him the most.
Ahead of them was a strong enemy nation, extremely violent and ungodly. Israel didn’t even have an army.
There was also the matter of the Jordan River. God led them to the river at flood stage, the worst time for crossing.
Could things be more dismal or hopeless?
But this was all part of God’s plan. His timing is always perfect – in HIS eyes, that is. Very often, not in ours.
God didn’t let a funeral or a strong enemy or a raging river stop Him.
“Moses is dead. Now cross the Jordan,” God said.
Moses died, but God’s faithfulness did not.
This is what we all need to remember as we look at the fearful prospects of what is happening in our country. Or as we experience the turmoil and stress of our lives in our homes and families.
God’s promise to Israel is also His promise to each of His followers today.
Listen to what God told Joshua:
“No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you. I will not fail you or forsake you.” (Joshua 1:5)
And hear what God says to believers today:
“…I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you, so that we confidently say, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?” (Hebrews 13:5-6)
The phrase, “I will not fail you,” in Joshua means that God will not relax His grip.
God will not let go of us who follow Him.
He is holding us as we see the rise of socialism and communism in America.
But He is also gripping our hand during every stress we face behind the walls of our own homes.
I took these two pictures on the same day, at sunrise and sunset. Let’s remember:
“From the rising of the sun…
to its setting…
the name of the Lord is to be praised.” (Psalm 113:3)
We have been in a period of stormy weather here in the central Plains. Many of you know that I love taking sky pictures. There is hardly any better time to take some amazing shots of God’s work in the skies than during the build-up or the after-effects of a good old Kansas storm.
The clouds build:
Then darken:
And after the drama of the storm, there were these stunning clouds.
As I looked at these skies recently, I was reminded of the undeniable power of God in the creation of such beauty.
I remembered reading Job 26, how Job talked about God’s unmatchable power that we see, or sometimes can’t see, in our world around us.
Read some of Job’s description:
“He stretches out the north over empty space and hangs the earth on nothing. He wraps up the waters in His clouds, and the cloud does not burst under them. He obscures the face of the full moon and spreads His cloud over it. He has inscribed a circle on the surface of the waters at the boundary of light and darkness. The pillars of heaven tremble and are amazed at His rebuke. He quieted the sea with His power…by His breath the heavens are cleared…” (Job 26:7-13)
Just stop and think of the astounding power of God that we see in the heavens and on this earth. His design in creation and His ability to hold everything together, causing the world to operate as it should, is beyond comprehension.
Listening to the deep thunder this past weekend during our storms made me feel very small. Our windows even seemed to shake at the power of that rumble. It reminded me of God’s strength. So did our gorgeous clouds, so beautifully designed by God.
But listen to what else Job said in the last verse of that chapter.
“Behold, these are the fringes of His ways…”
All these mighty acts of God that Job describes are then said to be the fringes of His ways.
Fringes…the outer edges, the outskirts.
Stop and think about that. We see only a small part of God’s ways, of His power, and of His plan. Yet that small part is so vast and complex! Imagine what He is doing that we know nothing of!
Job continues:
“And how faint a word we hear of Him! But His mighty thunder, who can understand?”
We only hear a small whisper of God’s ways in the thunder of His power!
Oh dear friend, if all that we see and hear of God are only the fringes of His ways, then imagine what He is doing in our lives that we cannot know or see.
He is behind the scenes of those who know Him, working out His perfect will in our lives. Sometimes we don’t feel that He is doing anything at all, or that our circumstances are too hard and so we doubt Him.
Nothing can separate us from the love of God, and nothing can deter Him from working out His best plan for His children. Amid our suffering…our questions…our fears…our pain…our tears – God is doing so much more than we know.
Someday we will move from the fringes of His ways to seeing His final plan, and we will understand that all along this life, our great God was weaving a beautiful masterpiece full of His mighty grace.
Tis the season for the Christmas story to be at the forefront of people’s lives. And in the forefront of that story is the little town of Nazareth. Gabriel was sent there to tell Mary that she was the one whom God had called to bear and give birth to His Son, Jesus.
Nazareth…a very small dusty town. Pretty much a place one would pass by rather than linger there for any reason other than to perhaps get a drink of water. Larger, more exciting towns were nearby.
Years later, when Jesus was calling His disciples, Philip went to find Nathanael. He told Nathanael that they had found the One foretold by Moses…Jesus, of Nazareth.
Nathanael’s response?
“Can any good thing come out of Nazareth?”
That seems to be the reputation of Nazareth in a nutshell.
But Mary lived there, and her betrothed, Joseph. Two unknown people in an unknown town…a town nowhere mentioned in the Old Testament or early Jewish literature.
But the angel said that Mary had found favor with God.
How? How do you make a name for yourself in Nazareth, of all places?
But that’s just it. Mary didn’t set about to be noticed by God. She wasn’t trying to do great things. She simply lived her life for the glory of God in every mundane daily task that was a natural part of living in Nazareth.
Less than an hour ago I stood by Aaron as he had his third seizure in four hours. This one was very hard. My heart hurts.
Afterward, I sat by our Christmas tree and pondered this life that God has given me. In many ways, I can say that this is my Nazareth.
I have had a taste of the “other” side of life. Awards, travel, lots of ministry, etc., etc.
But as time has gone by, my world has narrowed a lot. The life of a long-term caregiving parent is not exciting. It is not a life that others point to as they wish they had MY life.
And all of my fellow caregiving friends know “the look.” It’s the look that crosses a person’s face when they ask what you do or if you can join in this or that, and you tell them your situation. So often there is no real understanding. Sympathy, perhaps. Compassion, sometimes.
But it’s like they don’t know what to do with you.
Kind of like being from Nazareth.
But God has a purpose for each of His children in His kingdom. Even us Nazareth folk.
For God says that He works all things for good in the lives of His followers.
I have good purpose, right here in my Nazareth.
For every piece of wet bedding washed, every meal cooked, every bathroom cleaned, every doctor appointment, favorite show watched and game played, every story listened to for the 500th time – is just what God has for me to do where He has put me.
He put Aaron with us. I can look at my life with him as my ministry or as a misery.
Human nature makes us feel that we’re not really being of value unless our calendars are full of events and we are free to come and go as we choose our opportunities. And this is wonderful for many people.
But for my other Nazareth people…whatever your Nazareth is…know that there ARE good things that come out of Nazareth.
Claim your purpose where God has placed you!
Be faithful there in the messy and the mundane.
In so doing, you are bringing delight to God…and there is no higher calling.
Several years ago, I had an experience with a small weed in one of my front yard flower beds.
I had become so busy with my other gardening that I had put off the task of pulling that little weed. It didn’t seem like such a big deal. The outward growth, though, hid what was happening under the ground, out of sight.
Here is what I wrote:
One hot day as I worked among my flowers, I looked down and saw that this little weed had grown significantly. Still, it wasn’t huge but it sure was larger than I had noticed before. Silly me, I thought. Why have I been waiting to pull this once-little weed? I just need to get rid of it now, I reasoned. I reached down and gave the weed a pull, and nothing happened. I pulled a bit harder, and still the weed didn’t budge. I gripped harder on the small growth, gave a firmer yank, and still it sat firm in its place in the dirt. This small, harmless weed was certainly being stubborn! It wasn’t letting go of its foothold very easily at all! I was so deceived by the small growth that I could see that I was in turn shocked by its apparently deep growth in the soil. I once again got a firmer hold, jiggled the weed back and forth, pulled with all my might and finally out came the root. What a surprise! The root was very long – much longer in proportion to the rest of the plant. While I had procrastinated about getting rid of the little weed or argued with myself about how harmless the little weed was, this small weed was growing a deep root system that could have damaged or killed my pretty Coreopsis. There was no excuse for my neglect – a wise gardener knows better.
Sometimes I let attitudes fester in my heart…attitudes that are, quite frankly, sin. It’s easy to say, “Well, now, you have every right to feel that way. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
And every time I give myself that little pep talk, I am letting that root grow deeper and deeper in my life until it’s not so little anymore.
I have been keenly aware of this fact as Gary and I care for Aaron. Usually after a stressful period, often involving Aaron’s anger, we find ourselves talking together as we try to understand him and handle his issues in the right way. So often, solutions are hard to come by. The effects of living long-term with him spill over into every area of our lives. We go back 17 years to the time we were making decisions about his future.
Did we make the right choices? We were headed in one direction and the doors closed. Or did they?
I am constantly reminding myself that all those years ago we were seeking God’s will and we were desiring to walk in that path of God’s choosing for us and for Aaron. I must consciously trust God today with our past decisions…decisions that touch us in ways today that we never dreamed.
The impact of having Aaron with us now affects our “golden years” in so many unforeseen ways. We know that future decisions will be upon us some day, but there is a bigger issue for me right now.
That issue is bitterness. How easy it is to find ourselves saying, “If it wasn’t for Aaron, we could do this or that, go here or there, etc., etc., etc.”
And soon my eyes are on the hindrances of life with Aaron rather than the joy of being in God’s will…of doing His work within the walls of our home…of loving Aaron and caring for him.
We are physical creatures. We get tired. We get discouraged.
And sadly, we compare ourselves to others in those vulnerable moments when we’re scrolling through social media or having conversations.
Before I know it, the bitter root is taking deeper root in my heart. And while I understand that my feelings are normal, I also know that I cannot let myself perch there.
I must not settle for a life of bitterness.
These verses spoke to me so deeply this morning:
“O Lord, lead me in Your righteousness because of my foes; make Your way straight before me.” (Psalm 5:8)
My foes…my enemies…are those attitudes within me that contradict what God says is right. A big one is this issue of bitterness over the result of God’s past leading.
We trusted Him then to put us on the right path, and so we can trust Him now to provide all we need to face the results of walking on that path.
I need God’s leading and His righteousness to overcome that bitter root that seeks to take hold. Here is the result of trusting Him:
“Let all who take refuge in You be glad; let them ever sing for joy; and may You shelter them, that those who love Your name may exult in You.” (Psalm 5:11)
Paul told the believers in Ephesus that through the power of the Holy Spirit, they could be rooted and grounded in love.
Not rooted in bitterness but rooted in love…the love of Christ seen in their lives.
I must stop and check where I am allowing my roots to grow. We all do, right? We have so many hurts in life…so many stresses that pile up around us.
O Lord, lead me in Your righteousness. Do not allow me to lead myself into bitterness.
I love this old hymn. The lyrics speak well to each of us, wherever we are in our life of following Christ.
He leadeth me, O blessed thought! O words with heav’nly comfort fraught! Whate’er I do, where’er I be Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.
Refrain: He leadeth me, He leadeth me, By His own hand He leadeth me; His faithful foll’wer I would be, For by His hand He leadeth me.
Sometimes ’mid scenes of deepest gloom, Sometimes where Eden’s bowers bloom, By waters still, o’er troubled sea, Still ’tis His hand that leadeth me.
Lord, I would place my hand in Thine, Nor ever murmur nor repine; Content, whatever lot I see, Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.
And when my task on earth is done, When by Thy grace the vict’ry’s won, E’en death’s cold wave I will not flee, Since God through Jordan leadeth me.
Two nights ago, I awoke to bright lightning flashing outside our window. Then came the crashing thunder. Two hours later, we had a repeat as another storm roared through.
A few hours later, the sun was shining as I looked out my favorite window. The view was so beautiful. The leaves on our huge oak tree looked crisp, the grass was so green, and the sky was beautiful with unthreatening clouds.
Even though the storms earlier were loud and a little scary, the benefits were well worth the dark experience of the night. We need the rain. And I was so blessed by the very pretty view that morning.
So often, the aftermath of a storm carries with it refreshment and joy.
The same is true in the life of a believer.
We don’t often understand this side of heaven just why we go through trials of life. But what we do know and understand is this:
“…I am the Lord and there is no other, the One forming light and creating darkness, causing well-being and creating calamity; I am the Lord who does all these.” (Isaiah 45:6-7)
These promises to Israel continue:
“For thus says the Lord, just as I brought all this great disaster on this people, so I am going to bring on them all the good that I am promising them.” (Jeremiah 32:42)
The God of Old Testament Israel is our God today, and His character and purposes have not changed. He has a reason for every circumstance and event in the life of those who know and follow Him.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
There is so much work that God wants to do in us. Even Jesus learned obedience through the things which He suffered. (Hebrews 5:8). How much more do I need to learn the same?
Let me close with sharing one recent experience. We were having a particularly rough behavior evening with Aaron. We couldn’t understand why. Then after supper, while I was at the kitchen sink and Aaron was a few feet away, he suddenly went into a seizure. These drop seizures are both terrifying and dangerous. He falls like a tree and has been injured several times over the years…staples, stitches, a lost tooth, CAT scans to check for concussions, and so forth.
Because I was so near and heard the seizure start, I was able to turn to him and grab him as I yelled for Gary. I lowered Aaron to the ground as he fell while Gary ran in and was able to help.
Later, feeling depleted and very emotional, I sat in a chair near Aaron as he slept and recovered. And I prayed. I was able to practice what God has taught me over the years.
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15)
I was able to be thankful…thankful that I was near Aaron when the seizure started…that Gary was able to help…that Aaron was not injured…and that later he was his happy self again.
Honestly, I don’t say, “I’m so happy that Aaron has seizures!”
No. But I can, because of what I know about God, be thankful for both the ways that God takes care of Aaron and for all that God has taught me over the years as I have learned to completely trust Him with this son whom we love so much.
It’s like looking out that window after the storm and seeing that the storm has brought to me another layer of growth and beauty despite the fear and struggles.
I pray the same for each of you today as you gaze out the windows of your life at the works that God has done because of, and after, the storms.
I heard Aaron’s first seizure at 12:38 this morning. The second was at 2:37. As I often say, Aaron would appreciate that I am using the precise time.
Not long after 4:00 I heard him rustling. It wasn’t a seizure. I listened and knew that he was out of bed. He went to the bathroom and then back to his room. I heard his door close.
I got up and went to his room, fairly sure of what I would find. He had changed his pajamas and was getting ready to climb back into bed.
His sheets were wet. Bed wetting seizures are common to Aaron.
I had him sit in his desk chair as I changed his sheets. He watched my every move, as he is not only bent on using precision with his time keeping but is also particular about his bedding being just right.
I was thankful for waterproof mattress pads, and that we keep an extra one on hand. Thankful for extra sheets and blankets, and for our washing machine and dryer.
There sat Aaron. He was flicking his fingers together as he so often does now, more and more. There was some dried blood on the corner of his mouth where he had bitten his tongue during his first seizure.
He kept telling me that his head hurt. He wondered if he would have to go to his day group.
It always breaks my heart to see him like this. Broke my heart, too, as I asked him if he would have slept on wet sheets if I hadn’t come in there. He said yes because he didn’t want to wake us up.
I told him he never ever had to sleep on wet sheets.
I was finally done with his bed. It’s a stretch for Aaron to lay down under different covers than his usual ones.
“I want my Mario blanket,” he said as he looked at his bed all covered in a blanket not his own.
“But it’s wet,” I told him. “Here, I’ll get you another blanket to use.”
I walked out into the hall and opened the linen cabinet. I saw the quilt that we have had for many years and knew that the weight of it would be a comfort to Aaron.
As I carried it to his room and arranged it on his bed, I was thinking about the sweet memories of this quilt. It was a wedding gift to me and Gary, made 44 years ago by the dear ladies at Needham’s Grove Baptist Church in Needham’s Grove, North Carolina. My brother pastored there. The women in the church had gotten to know me while I was in Bible college not far away and would often visit on weekends.
Finally, I was finished with Aaron’s bed. He surveyed it as he stood up from his chair. I smiled as he immediately pulled out some wrinkles in the quilt before he walked around to get back in bed. He snuggled under the covers, and I pulled them up around his face, a soft smile of contentment visible on his lips.
It wasn’t even 30 minutes later that I heard another seizure. As I stood beside his bed, I looked at that special quilt again. Each stitch was sewn by hand…hands of women who loved the Lord and loved to give.
All those years ago, I had no idea what our life would hold. We were dreamy-eyed newlyweds with our whole life before us.
And now, under the quilt that we used to lay under, lay our special Aaron. Never would I have imagined that we would still be caring for our 37-year-old son…that the quilt that covered us now covered Aaron.
I don’t know or understand the reason for any of it.
But I do know my heavenly Father.
And I do know that He has stitched every little piece of my life and of Gary’s life and of Aaron’s life.
God has stitched it in order to create a beautiful work.
Not an easy work. And not the one I would have chosen if He had let me.
But do I trust Him?
And if I do, at what point do I stop trusting?
I either fully trust God, or I don’t.
That means, that even through tears and disappointments and frustrations and exhaustion, I trust the God Who has promised to direct my steps.
Who has promised that “underneath are His everlasting arms.”
I am never lower than His arms that are always under me to hold me up.
And neither are you, my friend, if you know and trust this God Who loves you so much.
Who gave His own Son, Jesus, to die for you.
And Who is meticulously stitching the fabric of your life…of my life…of Aaron’s…into a work of art.
Years ago, in 2008, God put Gary and I on a very difficult life path. I say that God put us on that path because Gary and I fully know and trust that God does direct our steps when we are living in obedience to Him.
The situation was very hard for us. We were still in the phase of hurt and grief some weeks later when we went out of town for a few days. There in our hotel room, as Gary was studying for his upcoming Sunday School class, I opened my Bible and found myself looking at Isaiah 40.
I began reading. Soon I was pulled into what Isaiah was sharing about almighty God, the God that I know and love. I continued into chapter 41, feeling God’s Word wash over my wounded and tired heart.
Did God give answers to our situation in these verses?
No.
But what God did do was to draw my eyes to Him…to Who He is…and off what was clamoring for my focus all around me.
It was very easy during those days…and still is, honestly…to look at the clutter of hurtful events and let that be where my eyes stayed.
But Isaiah’s words pulled my eyes away from that clutter and shifted me instead to God Himself.
I am so burdened right now about the horrible things happening right now in Ukraine. We all are.
Why, God, are you allowing this to happen?
Where are You?!
I have been reading and pondering again through these Isaiah chapters. I have no answers for the situation that God is somehow allowing in Ukraine.
But I do know that God is the One Who measured out earth’s waters in the hollow of His hand. He spread out and adjusted the heavens with His fingers, weighed out the mountains, sits above the circle of the earth, and sees earth’s inhabitants as grasshoppers.
God created the stars, leads them forth by number, calls them all by name, and because of His might and power not one of them is missing.
“So why, Jacob,” God asks, “do you say your way is hidden from God and the justice you are due escapes My notice?”
This God of Jacob is our God today! He is one and the same, never changing in His love for each of us.
But I believe that many of us want to ask Him the same about Ukraine.
God, do You care? Is the horror in Ukraine hidden from You? Where is the justice?
Alec Motyer says: “…our inability to discern does not mean that no discernment is at work; our inability to see point or purpose does not mean there is no point or purpose. The more we exalt the greatness of our God, the more we learn to appreciate our smallness, weakness, incapacity. We need to learn not to fret and fume; we need to accept our limitations of knowledge, wisdom, and foresight. Or, as Isaiah tells us, we need to practice waiting for the Lord. Waiting is looking.”
And as we wait on the Lord…as we look to almighty God…we pray for all those who are suffering so much right now.
“Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
The creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
And to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
And young men shall fall exhausted;
But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles;
They shall run and not be weary;
They shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:28-31)
All I know to do is to push away the clutter of my own thoughts…keep my eyes focused on almighty God…and pray for the precious people of Ukraine to be able to do the same.
One evening last week, I looked outside and saw a beautiful red glow on the horizon. However, my view was hindered by trees. Knowing there was more to this scene than I could see from my vantage point, I quietly snuck out of the house…so I could drive alone without Aaron…and headed west to see what I would find.
It was hard to keep my eyes on the road as I drove past trees and power poles. The sky was so beautiful that I wanted to only gaze on it. Finally, a few miles away, I found the spot I sought. Flat…open…unimpeded by trees or poles – there it was. The perfect view.
Oh my!! What a stunning sunset it was!
I’ve looked at this picture a lot and done some thinking about the path of life upon which God has placed me. How much do I trust God’s decisions about me and my life?
I don’t know about you, but I tend to feel more trust in God during the harder and often unexpected situations of life…those times when I’m suddenly the recipient of bad news and I’m thrown into God’s arms.
But it’s the daily disappointments…that drip, drip, drip of stress…that can really bog me down. The dailiness of life’s burdens can hinder my view of God’s path and His purposes for me much as the trees hampered by full view of this gorgeous sunset.
Saturday morning, for instance, Aaron stood by Gary’s desk chair.
“Dad?” he said, “my mouth is broken.”
I smiled from the other room at Aaron’s phrasing – and I know that Gary was secretly doing the same.
Aaron thought he had burned his mouth, but in looking at it we both knew that these were not burns. He had a rash. The next day, Mother’s Day, I took Aaron to Med Express to have it checked. It was quite painful, and he was having trouble eating.
Gary offered to take Aaron, bless him, but I wanted to do it since I always take Aaron to his doctor visits. So, here I was, on Mother’s Day…at the doctor with Aaron. It was a bit of a downer, honestly…not the way that I envisioned my Mother’s Day.
See what I mean? A small example of a small thing that can play upon my heart to bring discouragement, self-pity, and then lead to multiple other thoughts of how this and this and this did not turn out the way I wanted…
And my path’s view of God’s goodness is lost in the jumble of negative thoughts and emotions.
God gave me what I needed this morning, as He always does!
In Luke 13:31, the Pharisees reminded Jesus that Herod wanted to kill Him. Jesus responded to them that He would continue the journey that God had for Him, and that when the time was right then He would perish.
In other words, Jesus was declaring the truth of Psalm 31:15. My times are in Your hand! Jesus was standing in the unfailing sovereignty of God.
When David in Psalm 31 speaks of times, “…he doesn’t mean merely his life-span but all the kaleidoscope of circumstances that meet him left and right.” (Dale Davis)
Oh, those multi-colored burdens that pile on day after day! The unresolved issues and concerns that grow larger on a special day like Mother’s Day can cloud my view of God’s path for me.
Last night, very uncharacteristically, Aaron suddenly said, “Mom, I’m glad you cared for me and took me to the doctor.”
I was pretty much stopped in my tracks by that! And so overwhelmed with thankfulness that our “downer” doctor visit prompted in Aaron such a response.
Oh God, may I too look at You and be thankful for your care of me in the rough spots of life. May I look fully at the path you have me upon and see the beauty amid the stresses. May I not miss the opportunity to give You thanks for being for me all that I need, and not just giving me all that I want.
For it is in my need that I most fully see Your beauty on the road of life.
It happened to me again two nights ago. I was sinking into sleep when I think, honestly, that I snorted and woke myself up. 😊
But then I couldn’t get back to sleep. Instead, I lay there thinking of a picture I had seen just before bed. Happy news for someone else created in me a longing for some things I don’t have.
These are the moments that Satan loves. He uses the tender areas of my heart’s desires to create in me an unsettled feeling. The dark of the night is his perfect setting to speak words of doubt and unhappiness into my head.
I’m a captive audience at that point. The choice is mine.
Whose voice will I listen to?
So, I prayed and I thought of scripture. I eventually went to sleep. But I awoke the next morning feeling the weight of my burdens still lingering on my shoulders.
This morning I continued in a new study I just began yesterday in the book of Luke. Right away we meet the priest, Zacharias, and his wife Elizabeth. They were both righteous in the sight of God and walked in blameless obedience to God.
They were old.
They were faithful to God.
And Elizabeth was barren.
In their culture, having children was everything.
They had nothing, in a sense.
I think of Elizabeth beyond the stories we always hear and the ending that we know well.
I think of her hearing with sadness of the pregnancy of yet another friend. Of probably faking joy when deep inside she is grieving over what she doesn’t have. Of perhaps not feeling included in the years of family gatherings, celebrations, large happy holidays…
Of laying awake at night, bombarded with these realities, alone and with a broken heart.
And though we know the end of the story, that God gave her a child, she did not know that this blessing would be in her future.
“…there are those who are true servants of the Lord and yet some trial, some disappointment, that may be life-long, hangs over their lives. ‘Righteous before God’ yet ‘they had no child’. A very huge fact and a very deep sadness are pressed together.” (Dale Ralph Davis)
Do you have a barren place? An unfulfilled desire that eats away at you in the dark stillness of the night?
I do.
We all do.
What ARE we to do?
We are to live faithfully, in daily obedience to God.
We are to “Commit our way to the Lord…” (Psalm 37:5) That means to roll our burdens on the Lord’s strong shoulders. Literally, that’s what it means.
“…God does His most impressive works in a context of impossibility.” (Davis)
No BUTS…unless we say, “BUT God!!”
Will God give me what I want?
I have no idea.
The real question should be: Will I allow God to put HIS wants into my heart?
Will I want to walk with God so closely that His desires become my focus?
“God tends to begin His finest works in the face of human hopelessness and human weakness.” (Davis)
Walking faithfully with God doesn’t mean we’ll never have our barren places.
But may we, in the barren, bear the fruit that only God can produce in us, to His glory.
I love early mornings at my desk in the room facing west on our upper level. I have taken scores of sky pictures from the windows in this room.
It is dark on the mornings I sit there with my Bible open. But always the sun eventually rises, later this time of year.
Yesterday the view outside those windows matched my heart.
Heavy.
The sky laden with clouds.
Aaron had a seizure a couple hours earlier. His seizures have been more frequent lately and I wonder why. Will this mean an increase in one of his seizure drugs and then all that goes along with that?
Our son 10 hours away tested positive for COVID this week. When it went to his chest, I wanted to be near him in the way that only a mother understands. Then he got the call that he was furloughed from his job.
And he can’t join us for Thanksgiving.
We plan to travel to our daughter’s for Thanksgiving. Should we go? The virus, you know.
Heavy.
Even the partial early Christmas decorating I’ve done this week doesn’t create the needed cheer in my heart.
But I read Psalm 24:1-2:
“The earth is the Lord’s, and all it contains; the world and those who dwell in it. For He has founded it upon the seas and established it upon the rivers.”
The sun DID rise, obscured by clouds though it was.
God has an order to this world He created. He’s promised that to us.
“While the earth remains,
Seedtime and harvest,
And cold and heat,
And summer and winter,
And day and night,
Shall not cease.” (Genesis 8:22)
God also has an order to my life.
I am not a pawn to random chance or karma, but I am under the steadfast and certain predictability of the God Who created this world, and all that is in it.
I prefer this sunrise:
And this sunset:
But I trust the God Who holds this world together (Colossians 1:17).
Whatever the news, national or personal, I am certain that God is in charge.
I don’t know or even understand His plan.
But I’m not to trust the plan.
I’m to trust the Planner.
So I will…through heavy clouds or blue skies.
Sunrise and sunset will not cease. And neither will the loving control and care of the God behind it all.
He Said What?! 