Category: Faithfulness

An Enemy and A River

I felt the knots in my stomach as Tuesday’s election results came in, and the reality of the results became clear.  

Is this really happening in America, I wondered?  

I felt a heaviness and a deep sadness for so many reasons.  I know God is in control but that punch in the gut was there for me just the same.

I had decided on that day that I would re-visit the book of Joshua in my morning quiet time the following day.   And there it was that morning, such a clear and encouraging truth from God.  One I have known for years but need to hear again in times such as these.

God had led Israel across the wilderness, despite their disobedience, and brought them to this place of promise.

But Moses had just died.  Their leader was gone when they needed him the most.

Ahead of them was a strong enemy nation, extremely violent and ungodly.  Israel didn’t even have an army.

There was also the matter of the Jordan River.  God led them to the river at flood stage, the worst time for crossing.

Could things be more dismal or hopeless?

But this was all part of God’s plan.  His timing is always perfect – in HIS eyes, that is.  Very often, not in ours.

God didn’t let a funeral or a strong enemy or a raging river stop Him.

“Moses is dead.  Now cross the Jordan,” God said.

Moses died, but God’s faithfulness did not.

This is what we all need to remember as we look at the fearful prospects of what is happening in our country.  Or as we experience the turmoil and stress of our lives in our homes and families.

God’s promise to Israel is also His promise to each of His followers today.

Listen to what God told Joshua:

“No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life.  Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you.  I will not fail you or forsake you.”   (Joshua 1:5)

And hear what God says to believers today:

“…I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you, so that we confidently say, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.  What will man do to me?”   (Hebrews 13:5-6)

The phrase, “I will not fail you,” in Joshua means that God will not relax His grip.

God will not let go of us who follow Him.

He is holding us as we see the rise of socialism and communism in America.

But He is also gripping our hand during every stress we face behind the walls of our own homes.  

I took these two pictures on the same day, at sunrise and sunset.  Let’s remember:

            “From the rising of the sun…

           

  to its setting…

            the name of the Lord is to be praised.”   (Psalm 113:3)

Great is His faithfulness!

Burping and Serving

A friend posted a story on Facebook today that deeply touched me.  A prisoner talked about the huge impact made on a rough group of fellow prisoners and himself by none other than a nondescript janitor who had worked for years at the prison.  This little woman spoke to those hardened men as she held her broom and her words were used by God to pierce their hard hearts with the gospel.  

He said, “Because that janitor, a woman without a title, without a stage – she delivered a sermon that still gets me choked up.  She didn’t come to save us.  She came to serve.  And in doing so, she became the loudest gospel I’d ever heard.”

Our family has been through some tough times lately.  Even though the worst is hopefully over, by God’s grace, things are still upended in several ways.  Last week I knew that we were entering into a time where we as parents and grandparents would be needed daily.  I was wondering how we would do it all.  My wondering and planning were quickly turning into worry, and even into dread.

A week ago yesterday was the first day of our “new” duty, so to speak.  And in the very early quiet of that morning, God reached down through what I was already reading and spoke perfect words of encouragement to me.  

“Set your mind on things that are above…”. (Colossians 3:2)

God reminded me that what I needed to do was remember that every act of service I do is really for Him.  To set my mind on serving Him through even the most mundane acts is such a joy.  And truly, this week God has given me strength and peace and joy that can only come through Him.  

That very afternoon I had a call from a precious friend.  I was so excited to tell her how God broke through my dread and worry and instead gave me such settled peace and joy.  This friend cares for her family so well, including her special needs son.

“Why is it,” I asked her, “that we so often think we have to go to the mission field before we’re really serving the Lord when He gives us all these ways to serve Him in our own families?”

Every mile driven.

Every baby burped.

Every poopy diaper changed.

Every song sung.

Every story told.

Every ball thrown.

Every bubble blown.

Every meal cooked.

Every cheek kissed.

Set my mind on things above, God.  On You.  On the joy of serving You as I love and help my family.

That little prison janitor touched toughened hearts through her acts of service.  Her stage was a prison meeting room, holding her broom and mop, her dirty bucket of water sitting beside her.

God loves using the weak things of this world to confound the mighty.  

Jesus washed feet.  

He touched lepers and unclean women.

He ate with sinners, with those who were cast out of proper society.

What stage do you have today where God can use you to serve Him?

Holding a baby?

Holding a book to read to your child?

Holding a door for the one in the wheelchair?

Holding a crying friend?

Holding the hand of your dying spouse?

Oh, may we not desire the center stage with the lights and the applause.

May we instead desire, and fully realize, that serving God right where He has put us in the center of His will is the very best use of this life He has given us.

Am I Ready?

It was November 7, 1984.  Gary and I lived in Colorado Springs.  I was one week into my 9th month of pregnancy with our first child.  Gary had just returned home from flying his Army Cobra helicopter.  I headed up our stairs when a pain hit me.  Gary saw me from our bedroom as he was changing out of his flight suit.

“Now?” he asked with surprise.  

I soon knew that, yes, the time was now.  We hurried to Fort Carson and just a few short hours later we welcomed Aaron into the world…into our world.  

I had been busy making all his nursery items.  The yellow and white gingham curtains, bumper pad, and changing table cover were waiting on Aaron.  But there were still things to do, like putting the crib together and finalizing all the other details of his cute yellow duck nursery.  We just weren’t all the way ready for Aaron to join us three weeks early!

In so many other ways over the 40 years of our life with Aaron, I have found myself still not ready.  Not ready for this journey of Epilepsy, Autism, and having our adult son still living with us.  Not ready for the hundreds of ways that our life is not at all what we thought it would be as we held our little 6 lb. 4 oz. squirming bundle in that old military hospital on Fort Carson.

In so many ways, Gary and I are set apart from our peers even at this stage of our lives.  We are not free to come and go as we might wish.  Aaron is entwined in every decision we make.  And when I meet someone new and we are getting acquainted, the usual response when I tell them that we still have our adult special needs son living with us is, “Oh.”  Most people don’t know what to do with that scenario and so they quickly move on to other topics. 

Aaron can be so funny.  He is just who he is, too, especially in public.  But even that can be a bit embarrassing to us as he does his Aaron things, oblivious to what others are thinking.  Like sitting in the grocery aisle to examine his latest food find.

Or sitting on the floor in every waiting room now so that he can work on his sticker book, even rearranging a chair or table if needed.

I have thought a lot about Mary especially now as we retell the Christmas story at this time of year.  When Gabriel told her that she would become pregnant and give birth to Jesus, God’s Son, she humbly said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”  

She must have experienced so much embarrassment as her condition became known.  Did anyone other than Joseph really believe her story?  The gossip, the looks, the questions…how she must have been set apart from everyone in that small town.  

Mary gave birth far from home, surrounded by animals in a dirty stable.  Not even her mother was there to help her.  I doubt that the scene was like the ideal pictures we see on our Christmas cards. 

Then the move to Egypt to escape Herod and coming back to their hometown of Nazareth a few years later where everyone knew Mary’s story of her past.  

Was Mary ready to be the mother of Jesus?  Ready for the turmoil that surrounded Jesus? Ready for the fear as she watched Him being hated and persecuted?  Ready for the extreme heartbreak as she watched him tortured and put to death?  

I doubt that she was.  But she had already made the most impactful decision of her life when she yielded to God’s will for her life.  

That same yielding to God is what brings me the deepest peace as well, even in the fear of Aaron’s seizures.

Peace, eventually, during the frustrations of his behaviors.

I know, and so can you, that “…the God of peace…even Jesus our Lord, will equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever.  Amen.”   (Hebrews 13:20-21)

We don’t know what it is that will please God in our lives.  

But we can be ready if we know and follow Him, trusting our loving God as we, like Mary, say, “May it be to me according to Your word.”

The best gift we can give Jesus is our heart and our will.

May each of you have a very blessed Christmas season as we celebrate the birth of such a Savior!  

Lean On Me, Aaron

Yesterday Aaron and I went to his annual PCSP meeting.  How many years have we had these meetings?  More than I can nearly remember.  

His case manager and I decided several years ago to hold our meeting at one of Aaron’s favorite restaurants, Carlos O’Kelly’s.  Aaron really doesn’t like meetings that discuss him unless we’re letting him do all the talking about really important stuff.  You know – matters like whether Pluto is a planet or not, what solar flares are, and are black holes really sucking in stars?!  But mulling over matters of his likes and dislikes, what he is or is not allowed to do at his day group, what his goals are, and so on and so forth…well, Aaron would rather leave the room and find someone who IS wanting to hear him talk about planets, flares, and black holes.  But put a plate of enchiladas, chips and salsa in front of him and he’ll endure our needless talk.

Aaron had gotten out of bed super early the past two mornings.  Space videos on YouTube were calling to him, I guess.  As we sat in our booth munching on chips and salsa, he started leaning and leaning until finally he was resting against me like a little child.  

I eased him over and he sat straight for a couple minutes, but then he began leaning into me again.  I knew that he was sleepy from his very early mornings and from his meds, but still I kept propping him up so he could eat and participate in the meeting if needed.

Later, as I drove us home, I looked over at him sleeping soundly in his seat.

  

He is sometimes showing that age is creeping up on him.  He even seems a little feeble at times, like he did as he leaned on me during lunch.  I know that seizures are taking a toll.  He has memory loss, tremors, drooling sometimes, and other effects of both seizures and medicines.  

My heart is stirred with so much love for him.  So much concern for his life now, and for what the future will hold for him.

Yet there are those other moments, too…more and more, it seems.  Moments when Aaron is frustrated when things are not going his way at his time.  He is becoming more impatient with waiting, more set in his routine, and more expressive when those frustrations mount.

Therefore, Gary and I are finding ourselves more stretched on some days.  Our own frustrations mount along with Aaron’s.  Stress seeps through every crack in our strong armor.

I look at Aaron leaning on me, and I know that he needs me when he is struggling, both physically and emotionally.  His reactions are often beyond his control.  Sometimes that fact is hard to remember.

So, who do I lean upon?  

God.

Yes, Gary and I support each other.  I have amazing friends who walk a similar journey to ours.  I have great family on both sides.

But it is God Who leans down to me as He did the other night and fills me with deep peace even as the storm swirls around me…Who understands my struggles…Who speaks comfort to me…Who assures me with these words:

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate (feed on) faithfulness.”   (Psalm 37:3)

I can feed on so many things like anger, comparisons to others, resentment…the list goes on.  

Or I can obey God and lean into Him.  He understands my need.  And I must understand my need to trust Him and do good.

To feed on faithfulness even when I just want to walk away.

Faithfulness to God, and faithfulness to our Aaron.

Knowing that this is also true:

“Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him and He will do it.”  (Psalm 37:5)

Commit.  Lay on God’s shoulders the heavy burden.  

He is strong enough for all my burdens and He is there for me to lean upon when I am tired and done.

And oh, I cannot express enough about the grace that God gives me to continue putting one foot in front of the other, day after day with Aaron.

It’s not one bit about how strong I am or that God gave Aaron to such an amazing parent.

But it IS all about how God meets me in my most down moments with His sweet peace and His words that speak such joy and comfort to me.

And as I learn to lean on God, I can be there for Aaron when he needs to lean on me. 

God holds me up so that I can do the same for Aaron.  

That’s even more amazing than all the black holes in the universe!

Standing Firm

The other morning as I had my quiet time, I read this verse:

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This picture on which I put this verse is one of hundreds that I have taken from the window in the room where I sit at my desk on most mornings and spend time with God.  That is where I was sitting when I read those words.

The window in that room looks out on our back yard.  There, front and center, is this very large oak tree.  So many of the sky pictures or weather pictures that I have taken over the years just naturally include that big oak tree.

When we first moved here 25 years ago, that tree was small.  But now look at it!

As I read those words that Paul had written to the Corinthian believers centuries ago, and I looked out my window, I thought of how our oak tree is a beautiful example of standing firm in our faith no matter what is going on around us.  

The cold days of winter:

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The growth, but also the storms, of spring:

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The beauty of a summer sunset:

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The golden days of autumn:

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The fog that may hide our view of what’s around us:

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The scary storms that come:

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Each of us can relate to one of these scenarios.  Life is so full of beauty but also can wallop us with fear and heartache.  

My prayer is that I…that all of us who follow Christ…will stand firm in our faith even when the scenes that surround us are changing.

The only way to do that is to stay in God’s Word, ask for His wisdom and direction, and follow Him faithfully.  

Don’t let the winds that are blowing all around us, especially in these days, weaken and uproot us.  Stay rooted and grounded in God’s truth!

So may it be said of each of us who are Christ followers, “FOR IN YOUR FAITH YOU ARE STANDING FIRM!”

I Remember

My husband, Gary, was a helicopter and fixed-wing pilot in the Army for the first nearly 20 years of our marriage.  We were stationed in Colorado when he got orders to serve in Germany.  It’s all a bit of a blur, those months of separation as he attended a school before we went to Germany.  

Finally, it was time for the movers to come.  They loaded up our belongings for transport to Germany.  Well, not all our belongings.  Most of our furniture and all our appliances were put into storage, waiting on our return to the states later…six years later, though we didn’t know at the time it would be that long.

Several more months went by before Gary was assigned temporary quarters.  Off I went with two babies to join him in Germany.  Our temp quarters were on the fourth floor of an old WW2 building.  The laundry room was down in the basement.  Our apartment was full of military furniture that had been used by who knows how many families before us.

Eventually we moved into our permanent quarters.  We had a nice apartment on the top floor of our building, complete with a balcony.  We called this “stairwell living.”  We had some of our furniture but most of what we had was sturdy, used military grade furnishings.  Nothing fancy, for sure, but usable.

All of us wives were in the same boat.  When we would get together, we often found ourselves talking about the furniture we had back in the states.  One missed her living room set, another her big hutch and her nice dishes, or the beautiful bedroom suit one had bought shortly before getting their orders for Germany.

We would laugh and carry on, but all of us did miss what we used to have.

There are times we all miss what used to be.  

The parents who are no longer here on earth.  Or who are here but not here, and we care for them as though they were our children. 

The spouse gone way too soon.

The child that we never dreamed we would lose.

The empty house when all the children are gone.

The healthy body we or our loved one had but is now ravaged by illness or slowed by age.

The friendships damaged beyond repair.

The ministries that once were but are now gone.

We all have our lists, don’t we?  The memories flood in sometimes, and we can say with David in Psalm 42:3-4:

“My tears have been my food day and night…these things I remember and I pour out my soul within me.”

Memories of what was but is no more.

“Sometimes we can remember a ‘before,’ which is no longer present in the ‘now,’ doesn’t seem recoverable, and it saddens and distresses us.”  (Dale Davis)

But David doesn’t end it there.

“O my God, my soul is in despair within me; THEREFORE I remember You from the land of the Jordan and the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.” (v. 6)

No matter his location or how far he was from the familiar paths of his life, David remembered WHO he needed to remember in the middle of his despair.

He remembered God.

God my rock, David said.  

God my hope.

God my help.

God is present with me today, in my now, just as He was in my past.  

All of you who follow Christ can say the same thing.  Yes, memories can be a blessing, but they can also bring pain and depression.  

O God, help us to not only remember what was, but to remember Who IS!

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee.
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not.
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness,
Great is Thy faithfulness.
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided.
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above.
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness.
Great is Thy faithfulness.
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided.
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide.
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.
Blessings all mine with 10,000 beside.

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Good in My Nazareth?

Tis the season for the Christmas story to be at the forefront of people’s lives.  And in the forefront of that story is the little town of Nazareth.  Gabriel was sent there to tell Mary that she was the one whom God had called to bear and give birth to His Son, Jesus.  

Nazareth…a very small dusty town.  Pretty much a place one would pass by rather than linger there for any reason other than to perhaps get a drink of water.  Larger, more exciting towns were nearby.  

Years later, when Jesus was calling His disciples, Philip went to find Nathanael.  He told Nathanael that they had found the One foretold by Moses…Jesus, of Nazareth.

Nathanael’s response?

“Can any good thing come out of Nazareth?”

That seems to be the reputation of Nazareth in a nutshell.

But Mary lived there, and her betrothed, Joseph.  Two unknown people in an unknown town…a town nowhere mentioned in the Old Testament or early Jewish literature.  

But the angel said that Mary had found favor with God.

How?  How do you make a name for yourself in Nazareth, of all places?

But that’s just it.  Mary didn’t set about to be noticed by God.  She wasn’t trying to do great things.  She simply lived her life for the glory of God in every mundane daily task that was a natural part of living in Nazareth.

Less than an hour ago I stood by Aaron as he had his third seizure in four hours.  This one was very hard.  My heart hurts.

Afterward, I sat by our Christmas tree and pondered this life that God has given me.  In many ways, I can say that this is my Nazareth.

I have had a taste of the “other” side of life.  Awards, travel, lots of ministry, etc., etc.  

But as time has gone by, my world has narrowed a lot.  The life of a long-term caregiving parent is not exciting.  It is not a life that others point to as they wish they had MY life.  

And all of my fellow caregiving friends know “the look.”  It’s the look that crosses a person’s face when they ask what you do or if you can join in this or that, and you tell them your situation.  So often there is no real understanding.  Sympathy, perhaps.  Compassion, sometimes.

But it’s like they don’t know what to do with you.  

Kind of like being from Nazareth.

But God has a purpose for each of His children in His kingdom.  Even us Nazareth folk.

For God says that He works all things for good in the lives of His followers.  

I have good purpose, right here in my Nazareth.

For every piece of wet bedding washed, every meal cooked, every bathroom cleaned, every doctor appointment, favorite show watched and game played, every story listened to for the 500th time – is just what God has for me to do where He has put me.

He put Aaron with us.  I can look at my life with him as my ministry or as a misery.

Human nature makes us feel that we’re not really being of value unless our calendars are full of events and we are free to come and go as we choose our opportunities.  And this is wonderful for many people.

But for my other Nazareth people…whatever your Nazareth is…know that there ARE good things that come out of Nazareth.

Claim your purpose where God has placed you!

Be faithful there in the messy and the mundane.

In so doing, you are bringing delight to God…and there is no higher calling.

Even in Nazareth.

Don’t Listen to the Loudest

When we moved to this home nearly 23 years ago, we lived in a semi-country setting.  Across the highway from us were farmer’s fields.  In fact, there were fields both to the west and east of us.  Things sure have changed over time.  There are several big new schools just over a mile from us, and across the highway the farmer’s field is gone.  Instead of tractors and combines there, now we see…and hear…all sorts of construction equipment as a huge housing development is being built. 

All the growth has brought lots of extra traffic.  Our property backs up to the highway.  We have a tree line that gives some privacy.  But there isn’t much that can hide the sights and the sounds of growth…progress, some would call it.  We miss the quietness, though, that we loved.

It’s now the time of year for open windows and chirping birds.  I was at my desk early this morning.  The birds were waking up, going about their early morning activities, and their various sounds were so pleasing to me. 

Yet the birds weren’t the only ones busily starting their day.  So were people.  Pretty soon I was having a hard time hearing the birds over the sound of all the cars and trucks and school buses and motorcycles. 

The birds hadn’t stopped singing, though.  I could still hear them even when a group of vehicles drove past.  I just had to concentrate on listening to them and ignoring the other sounds coming from the road. 

I’m amazed at the very loud sounds blasting us from this culture today.  Woke Disney.  Gender confusion.  Sexual dysfunction.  Open borders.  Drugs.  Violent crime.  Men in women’s sports…and the refusal of our top leaders to even define what a woman is!

And one of the saddest of all is the horror of abortion and the fight from the left to keep the murder of babies available and legal.  Yesterday the governor of Colorado signed a bill that ensured women could kill their babies at any stage of pregnancy, for any reason.  My friend who lives there, a pediatrician, said that this action is celebratory now…and she is right. 

All of this, and so much more, is just heavy and sickening to those of us who follow Christ.  And the voices who promote these lifestyles in our world today are often the loudest.  They blast at us from the news, social media, corporations, movies, music, television, classrooms…daring us to disagree and trying to silence us when we do.

A couple verses I have just studied describe this so well:

“But evil men and imposters will proceed from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived.  You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of…”   (II Timothy 3: 13-14)

Paul told Timothy to expect evil to get worse.  Alfred Plummer says it well when he described their personal deterioration as the seducers being duped by their own deceit. 

And so the evil ones GO, but Timothy is told to CONTINUE.

Evil loudly goes from bad to worse.  Isn’t it interesting that the word ‘go’ means to progress?

 Progressives today are nothing new.  But their direction…their progress…is totally in the wrong direction. 

Unlike the progress of the wicked, we who know Christ are to continue in the things we have learned from Christ.

We learn by listening to God, for He has not been silenced.  He is still speaking, just like the birds outside were still singing.

We also need to continue in all that we know…that we have learned…in our life walks with God.

The word “continue” means to cultivate stability.

The brash noises of sin all around us being condoned and celebrated must not move us from hearing God’s voice above it all.

Now more than ever we need to be still and be stable in God’s truth and listen carefully to Him above all the noise of our ungodly culture. 

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

  

Feeding on Faithfulness

One of Aaron’s favorite things to do in all the world is to eat out at a restaurant.  The promise of eating out makes every doctor visit or dental procedure totally worth his time. 

Aaron might vary a little in what he will eat at the different restaurants that we visit, but always…if possible…he will order a side salad with “no croutons and two ranches.” 

And often he will order another of his favorites…French fries!

Not long ago, while he munched on his fries at lunch, he had an idea.

“Mom?” he asked, “can we make French fries?”

“I kind of made them last night in the air fryer,” I answered as I reminded him of the potato wedges that we had eaten.

“I didn’t see them that way,” he responded.

I smiled at Aaron’s response. 

He has, yet again, given me something to ponder.

A couple blogging friends mentioned Psalm 37 last week.  I decided to read slowly through that wonderful Psalm in the mornings after my regular Bible study.

Verse 3 jumped out at me.

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.”

Guess what the word ‘cultivate’ means?  It means to ‘feed on.’

Dwell in the land and feed on faithfulness.

‘Dwell’ can also mean ‘rest.’

The land is wherever God has put me. 

So, I am to rest where God has put me and feed on faithfulness.

That sounds pleasant at first glance.  But what if the place God has put me is less than ideal? 

What if it’s just downright hard?

Fact is, God didn’t say that I am to be faithful when my pasture is lush and green…when my place in life is fun and easy and fulfilling.

He just said to dwell there in the pasture where He has placed me…stay…rest.

And while there, feed on faithfulness.

Here I am, approaching the age that I used to think was REALLY old, and I am still in a large sense raising a child.  This time of my life was what I used to hear being referred to as having the time of my life. 

Empty nest and all that.

Hasn’t quite worked out that way for us.

But I can’t deny the fact that God didn’t qualify the type of land He would ordain for me.  He just told me to rest there.

And to feed on faithfulness.

You see, we can all be faithful where we are.  The form it takes is what sometimes trips us up.

Caring for Aaron, in all the shapes that caring takes, is me feeding on faithfulness.

But many times, I’m like Aaron as he compared the air fryer potato wedges to French fries.

I don’t see it that way.

I don’t see managing Aaron’s medicines, doctor visits, tons of paperwork, or driving him everywhere as having a lot to do with my faithfulness to God.

I most definitely get tangled up in tiredness and complaining as I work to keep him fed, active, happy, encouraged, and clean.

Sadness at seizures and frustration during behaviors jerk my emotions in all directions.

And as the days turn into weeks and the weeks into months and the months into years, it sure is easy to lose the sense of living in faithfulness to God.

Seems like I often compare my grass to others, and usually theirs is so much greener than mine.

Their feeding on faithfulness seems exciting and fun.

Mine?  Pretty dull and daily.

And often dirty. 

But something I’m learning…ever so slowly…is to look up to God when I feel like looking over to someone else’s land.  Keep my focus on my Shepherd and on the land He has given to me.

To see every tiring moment as an opportunity to trust Him, to do good, to rest in this place, and to feed on faithfulness.

To remind myself, at the end of another tiring day, that God smiles on my faithfulness. 

“I didn’t see it that way, God,” I often think.

“Oh, but I did, my dear,” God whispers. 

And I rest.

Whose Sickness or Health?

Today is our anniversary!  Gary and I have been married 42 years.  I don’t even know how that’s possible, but somehow it is. 

There we stood in my beautiful home church in West Virginia, young and in love, pledging our vows to each other. 

Now we’re old, although I really don’t feel like it most days…and we’re still in love.  Our love is deeper and more settled than those early years, rooted in all the ups and downs of life that we have weathered together.

On my mind today are those familiar vows that are so often spoken at weddings.  We promised to stay true to each other “in sickness and in health.”

Never ever even once did I think of the sickness and health part as being anyone other than Gary or me.  Having a child with lifelong health issues was not anywhere on our radar when we spoke those words to each other and before God.

Today our plans were simple.  We would eat lunch out together while Aaron was at his day group.  Time alone while Aaron was happily occupied was a perfect plan.

Just before 8:00 this morning I heard Aaron having a seizure.  This is not unexpected.  I knew at that moment that our anniversary day plans would be changed. 

Later, when Aaron was awake and hungry, here was our view for a late breakfast on our patio.

And it’s OK, truly.  Gary and I are very used to these sorts of changed plans in our life.  And I am not trying in any way to garner sympathy. 

What has been on my mind this morning is that when Gary and I spoke those vows about sickness, we in reality were referring to our life with Aaron as much as anything – though we had no idea of our future.

Aaron’s life of special needs has been very trying at times.  Yet through it all, Gary has stood right by my side.  He has never wavered due to the stress of it all.  The demands of our many years in the military, his own career decisions, our moves, so many doctors, hospital stays…well, I could go on for a long time about how Aaron’s life has impacted Gary’s in particular.

But Gary never bailed on me or Aaron.  He has led and sacrificed and given of himself to both me and Aaron over and over and over.

So our vows, as I ponder them this morning, have taken on an even sweeter meaning to me. 

Staying true in our son’s sickness and health is indeed the greatest gift of love that I have been given by my husband…my husband of 42 years!! 

Happy Anniversary, Gary!   I love you so much. 

We’ll do a rain check on our lunch.  ♥️♥️