He Said What?!

Having a fever night before last made me remember the time a couple of years ago that Aaron got sick.  I mean, really sick!  Disgustingly sick!

Poor guy, though – of course, he couldn’t help it.  Gary and I were sound asleep when our bedroom door came open and there stood Aaron.  He was holding his arms out away from his sides and looked stiff and awkward.  I was trying to wake up and understand what had happened when Aaron very flatly said, “Mom.  I threw up.”

Well, that was putting it mildly.  He had pretty well erupted.  He was covered in vomit, so I led him to the bathroom and helped him into the tub.  I told him to undress and it’s all a blur from that point.  Gary got up, too, and we both had to totally strip the bed, clean, etc.  You all know how it is.  It took awhile, but Gary and I got things back to normal and eventually got Aaron all tucked into his bed.

This wicked virus he had also caused him to have a fever.  I was explaining to Aaron that these covers weren’t his normal ones – that fact is very important to Aaron – and he was being very understanding.  Then I saw that his fever made him start quivering as he chilled and got hot, chilled and got hot. 

He looked up at me and through his shaky lips he said, “Mom.  In my hotness I’m cold.”

I don’t remember ever hearing before then or since a better description of a fever.  That’s how I felt last night – in my hotness I was cold. 

Aaron does have amazing use of the language to convey his thoughts.  I’m so thankful for that…………well, most of the time.

In the guidelines for teacher’s that I’ve referenced before, under Impairment in Social Interaction of those with Asperger’s Syndrome, it states that a person with Asperger’s “may not like physical contact.”  This certainly describes Aaron.  Actually, Aaron enjoys physical contact that involves him whacking someone on the back, or giving irritating pinches………..things along that line. 

When it comes to sweet hugs, Aaron has always struggled with that.  When he was little, he would back up to us to give us a goodnight hug.  It was pretty funny and very unique.  Gary’s mother used to get such a kick out of her goodnight hugs to Aaron.  I can’t say goodnight hugs FROM Aaron because he was completely uninvolved in the hugging process.  He backed up, stood there, and if you wanted a hug you had to do it quickly.  Very heartfelt, you know?

Last night I started feeling puny, like I’m fighting the flu.  I was chilling and achy, and just generally felt yucky.  At 8:30 I told Aaron that I was sorry we couldn’t play Skip-Bo or do anything else, and that I was going to bed.  First I sat at my desk to do a few things and Aaron came in our bedroom, standing by the desk and of course, talking.  I’m not sick very often and it’s something that he usually either feels uncomfortable with or could care less about.  Usually the latter, honestly.

So imagine my complete surprise when he took a step towards me, out of the blue, and put his arm around my shoulders.  I was expecting a pinch or a rough jab, which he thinks is very funny, but instead he was gentle and sweet.  Then he laid his cheek on top of my head as he kept his arm around my shoulder!!!!

A hug??!!  A tender moment that Aaron initiated??!!  A show of concern for someone other than himself, especially for good old Mom??!!

Why, I wouldn’t have been more surprised if Aaron had…………..well, if he had…………..blown his nose!!!!

It was over in an instant.  I waited a minute so as not to embarrass him, and then very calmly said, “Aaron, that hug was very sweet.  Thank you!”  He heard what I said and I know it registered, but he kept on talking about what dirty bombs are………yes, he did…………and the movie he’s watching that has a dirty bomb and what are dirty bombs and who uses dirty bombs and do I want to watch the dirty bomb movie with him sometime.

That sweet moment will warm me for a long time, even though not five minutes later when I went to his room to set out his clothes for the next day he gave me a swift whack on my rear. 

Oh well.  I still feel the love……..I know I wasn’t dreaming.  He really did hug me very sweetly. 

I should get sick more often. 

Yesterday morning Aaron came into the kitchen right after he got up out of bed.  He gave a cough and a snort.  His cold is lingering.  I looked at him and said, “Good Morning, Aaron!  How are you?”

“I’m worse,”  he answered.

“Awww.  What hurts now?”  I asked.

He responded, “My nose.  I had to get up last night and blow it.”

This news of nose blowing was very surprising, to say the least!  I wanted to ask, “YOU BLEW YOUR NOSE??!!”

But I showed no affect and calmly asked, “You blew your nose?”

And just as calmly he answered, in his deep and monotone voice, “I decided to.”

Well!  I guess desperate times call for desperate measures!

Aaron turned and walked away, completely unaware of my shock and pleasure at the news that he blew his nose.

Who knows?  He may use the SHREDDED Parmesan next.  Just because he decided to!

I fixed spaghetti one night this week.  Aaron loves spaghetti, especially if I let him put the Parmesan cheese on top.  He takes the grated Parmesan container and shakes for all he’s worth.  Cheese ends up all around his plate, like snow or maybe a bad case of dandruff.  It really is a mess. No amount of reminders or warnings totally solves the problem.  Therefore, we try to avoid this mess by taking the cheese and shaking it on Aaron’s spaghetti ourselves.  He doesn’t appreciate our help at all.  He says, “I’m not a baby!  I can do it myself!”  Or, “I’ll be careful!  I won’t shake it hard!” 

Yeah, right, Aaron. And even if he doesn’t shake it terribly hard, it’s still the amount of cheese that’s a problem.  He mounds it up like a sand pile on top of his spaghetti.  I sarcastically asked him once if he wanted some spaghetti with his cheese, but of course the sarcasm was lost on him.  Too bad. 

The other night he ate his spaghetti after we did.  Gary and I had already left the table.  I guess Aaron went to town with the Parmesan.  I had no idea that he had used it ALL.  Every little grain. 

Last night I searched the frig for the grated Parmesan for another recipe and I couldn’t find it anywhere.  Hmmmmm………..I wondered where it was and figured it got put up somewhere that I  couldn’t see.  I just used some shredded Parmesan that I had instead.

Tonight I fixed some soup that Aaron doesn’t like and later when he came down to check on supper, I asked him if he wanted some of the leftover spaghetti.  He immediately asked, “Is there Parmesan?”  As we talked I realized that Aaron had used it all the other night.  Well, Aaron, since you didn’t tell me that you had used it all then I didn’t know to buy more so………no Parmesan.

BUT……….I have some other Parmesan that you can use, Aaron. 

He was very suspicious of this unknown Parmesan.  I assured him it was the same thing as I reached in the frig to get the bag.  See, Aaron?  It’s Parmesan! 

I showed him the bag as I laid it on the counter.  He looked at it as if I was handling a bag of poison that was about to erupt and contaminate us all.  He actually walked back a few steps as he looked at the impostor cheese.  I knew what was happening and that Aaron didn’t want anything to do with this strange cheese that claimed to be Parmesan. 

I said, “Aaron, this is Parmesan cheese.  Here, try some.”  I put some in my hand and he backed up even further as he said, “I would not think I would like it.” 

I know this.  I know this as surely as I know that Aaron will not blow his nose or change the order of the covers on his bed or eat defective Goldfish crackers.  He will not eat this strange looking Parmesan cheese that isn’t in the container that he’s used to and that says its shredded and not grated, for crying out loud! 

Gary, Andrea, and I gave each other knowing glances and smiles behind Aaron’s back.  They know, too.  We know and we understand, even though we don’t really understand.  Knowing Aaron is like piecing together a multi-colored quilt in all sorts of shapes and sizes.  It comes together, but it sure takes time and patience.  The result is interesting and fascinating and sometimes frustrating. 

And now I know that Aaron’s quilt will have grated Parmesan – NOT shredded.

Poor Aaron.  He still has his cold, and now besides the snorting he’s also been coughing.  Still no nose blowing……………there won’t be, either.  I could only hope for that.

I do feel sorry for him and don’t like seeing him feel bad.  Aaron has a high tolerance for pain and inconvenience, but he also demonstrates the classic characteristic of many Asperger’s individuals in that he is very egocentric.  He definitely demonstrates this trait when he has something like a cold.  He talks and talks and talks about it.  For instance, I just woke him up from a nap and the very first words out of his mouth were, “I don’t feel well.” 

The other day he was telling me that he can tell he doesn’t feel well because at night he’s been so tired.  “Mom, I’ve been easier to fall asleep!”  Then he added, “I sleep on the outside of my bed!” 

He’s not running a fever, but the outside of the bed means on top of his covers.  Of course, he had LOTS of covers and in the right order……………and he sometimes wears his sweater that he loves to bed.  Good grief!  I’d sleep on the outside of my bed, too, Aaron!

I fixed him a bite to eat after his nap today.  Then he tried to get into his Mike and Ikes, but I told him that he only needed a few – not a few bowls full!!

“Mom, I still don’t feel well.” 

Snort.

He decided to watch some television after he ate.  As he walked out of the kitchen, he said, “I’m just not having a fun life!” 

Awww, Aaron.  Spoken in that monotone voice, his statement reminded me of Eeyore.  As if his cold isn’t bad enough, he’s just been told that he can only have a few Mike and Ikes!

So I fixed him a cup of hot tea, which he loves, and knew that he would feel better all the way around. 

I went downstairs and it wasn’t long before I heard the Mike and Ikes rattling into the bowl.  Sounds like Aaron has his own ideas of what will make him feel better! 

Let the fun begin! 

Aaron came home from his group yesterday and just as soon as I heard the door to the garage slam shut, I heard the familiar, “MOM!!”  If I’m nearby, like in the kitchen, he immediately begins telling me about his day.  “MOM!!  Guess what? Today……………”   and off he goes.  He doesn’t say hi, how are you………nothing.  Sometimes I’ll interrupt and say, “Well, hi Aaron!”  This never really gets his attention.  In mid-sentence he’ll mutter a quick hi but he doesn’t miss a beat with what he knows I’m just dying to hear about his day. 

 I was upstairs doing some ironing, so I heard him say, “MOM!!”   Thump, thump, thump as he walked around looking for me.  “MOM!!”   Thump, thump, thump.   “MOM!!!”   I’ve told him a million times (at least!) to not walk around yelling, “MOM!!” but to just find me and then tell me what he wants to say.  It’s a waste of my breath, though, and today was further proof of that.  “MOM!!”  So I just kept quiet and waited patiently while I ironed.  Soon he thumped up the steps and found me in the bedroom. 

Again, no hello, hi, or there you are!  “MOM!!  We went to the east mall today!  There were lots of people there!” 

Well, hello Aaron. 

I asked him if he had fun and what did he do at the east mall.  He said that he had a good time and then told me the most important thing that he did at the east mall……………..bought his lunch.  “Mom, I got some pizza for lunch!” 

Really?  He confirmed that it was good and when I asked what kind of pizza he got, he said that it was just cheese pizza.  After a pause, he said, “I wish I could have gotten a meal #2.”

When I asked him why he wanted a meal #2, he replied, “Because it’s a BIG circle kind, not just one piece!” 

Of course Aaron wants a big circle kind of pizza that costs $13 dollars, he told me, and has lots more than just one slice! 

I reminded him that his one slice of pizza, though, was a very big slice – right?  Yes, he said it was a big slice and then later when they stopped at Sonic he got a drink – water, he told me – and that his stomach was full. 

So, Aaron, your stomach is full but you still wish you had been able to get a meal #2. 

“Yeah”, he said.  “So what’s for supper?”  Uh………we’re having soup for supper, Aaron. 

“Well, I’m not hungry, Mom.  Can you imagine?” 

Honestly, Aaron, that is very hard for me to imagine…….but I bet if we were having a meal #2 he would suddenly have been very hungry!!

Aaron has a cold right now.  We all feel bad when Aaron has a cold, and it’s not just because we feel badly for Aaron – although we really are sorry that he’s sick.  It’s just that – well, the main reason we feel bad when Aaron has a cold is that – how do I say it?  Aaron doesn’t like to blow his nose and so he……………..snorts.  It’s just one of the grossest things ever, honestly.

Aaron takes his colds very seriously.  I could tell on Sunday that he was sounding stopped up.  He told me that his throat was sore, so I knew that my hunch was correct – a cold.  Great.  Later that evening, as we were driving to pick up some Taco Bell for supper, Aaron started talking about his cold.  “Mom, where did I get this cold?”  I told him what I’ve told him every time he’s had a cold for the past couple of decades………….all about viruses, how we come in contact with them, how they enter our bodies, etc.  I don’t know why I bother, though, because he always asks the same question – “So how did the virus come into my body last night while I slept?”  He thinks that because he woke up with the cold symptoms that the virus crept into his body while he slept and BAM – he has a cold. 

I let him stay home from his group on Monday because he wasn’t feeling well.   All day long I listened to him say, “I don’t feel well. (snort)”    Over and over and over and over and over………………sigh.  And then to be sure I got it, he came into my bedroom and said, “I’m not still feeling well! (snort)”

Aaron, honey, I got it.  You don’t feel well………and you don’t like to blow your nose.  So now I don’t feel so well either.

I don’t know why Aaron won’t blow his nose.  That’s right up there with not wanting to get his lips messy when he eats.  Do you know how you keep your lips from getting messy when you eat?  You use your TEETH to get the food off of your fork or spoon.  Do you know how incredibly annoying it is to hear someone get food off their utensil by scraping it on their teeth?  Come to our house and you can find out.  We tell Aaron to quit scraping the fork on his teeth, and so then he eats slower.  He slowly scrapes the fork over his teeth, with his lips parted rather weirdly.  Now the awful noise is somewhat quieter, but longer.  And he looks so funny that I start laughing………..which makes him forget to eat slowly and we’re back to the loud scraping sound again.  Oh joy!

I guess Aaron doesn’t like the act of blowing his nose or the feel of blowing his nose or the mess it makes…….I don’t know.  This morning he came thumping downstairs while I was on the computer and he sat on the floor beside me.  “Mom, I don’t feel well. (snort)” 

I know, Aaron.  You still have your cold, huh?    “Yeah. (snort)  I’m not still feeling well. (snort)” 

Aaron, here’s a kleenex.  You really need to blow your nose. 

He took the kleenex, balled it up, and WIPED his nose.  (snort).   

Aaron, I said to BLOW your nose!!   Whereupon I handed him another kleenex, then took one for myself, and proceeded to once again demonstrate how to blow your nose……..by blowing MY nose. 

He wiped his nose again.  (snort)  AAHHHH!!!

He came home from his group yesterday and said, “Mom, I still have my cold. (snort)”  

I know, Aaron.  He told me that they went to Wal-Mart.   “I got a Cheddar Pasta Salad. (snort)  But I lost my taste for things. (snort)”

Yeah, Aaron………….I’m losing my taste for things, too.  (he snorts)

Later he was talking again about the sorrow of getting his favorite Cheddar Pasta Salad but not being able to taste it.   He said, “The taste of it felt like it was nasty. (snort)”

Well, I can tell you what else is nasty, Aaron.  (snort)   I need earplugs.

Aaron has always noticed people’s hair.  Well, he notices everything about people that he sees – but some of his hair comments over the years have been funny………….except when it gets a little too personal, which with Aaron it usually does.

Aaron loves looking at our pictures from our wedding or our early years of marriage.  Any time he starts talking about “back then”…………….then I know I’m probably going to hear something about my age, my weight, or my hair. “Mom, your hair was smooth back then.”  I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard Aaron talk about my smooth hair “back then” and I still am not totally sure what he’s referring to.  I think it’s smooth now but somehow he sees it differently.  I’m really hoping he doesn’t come across the pictures of my perm days when I looked like a sheep.  Seriously hoping that I can keep those unnoticed!

When he says “back then” in reference to Gary, it’s usually the amount of hair that Aaron notices.  “Dad, back then you had more hair.”  Gary thinks that poetic justice is smiling upon him now because Aaron has the same thinning hair on top that Gary has.  HA!  Gary doesn’t say that to Aaron, but I know he’s thinking it. 

Mr. Z, too, who was Aaron’s teacher for 3 years at the day school in Goddard, was often the brunt of Aaron’s observations concerning hair – or the lack thereof.  I wonder how many times Aaron called Tom by the respectful name of Mr. Baldy?  Thank you, Tom, for your understanding.  But not so understanding was another teacher whom Aaron introduced us to by saying, “She looks like a hedgehog, doesn’t she?!”  Read about it in my earlier blog – The Introduction.  Well, her spiked hair was very interesting to Aaron and he calls it as he sees it.  That was a shining moment for us, let me tell you!

When Aaron sees someone with red hair, he tells us about that person he saw that has orange hair.  And blonds really have yellow hair, according to Aaron.  That actually is more accurate than red and blond………or maybe I’m growing to think more and more like Aaron as time goes on.

One day I was in the process of fixing my hair when Aaron knocked on my door.  The reason he knocked is because it was locked.  Usually he just barges in, which is why I often keep it locked.  Anyway, my hair was pretty much standing on end, similar to a long-haired hedgehog, when I opened the door.  Aaron didn’t even act like he noticed my hair, but as he whisked past me he muttered, “Bad hair day!”  Excuse me?

He even notices the hair that is no longer on our heads, like the day he commented, “Mom, some of Andrea’s hair leaked out on the bathroom counter!”  Andrea still hasn’t gotten that leaky hair fixed!

And tonight he had a new one.  After supper he was talking about his Star Wars game that he’s been playing and how one of the women did this and that.  And then he said, “You know, she’s the one who has the old hair!” 

Old hair?  Of course, if hair is gray or white it’s because it’s old hair, at least according to Aaron.  We’ll explain someday that this isn’t always the case, but not now.  He was also excited to tell us that her hair came down beside her ears – he was using hand motions to explain it to us – and then said, “She had braces hanging down!”

Later he showed me a picture.  The woman had braids! 

I didn’t think old hair and braces really went together anyway!

Aaron has rebounded from his seizure day on Thursday.  I woke him up on Thursday afternoon so he wouldn’t sleep all day.  He finally made it downstairs, only to lay down on the couch.  He wasn’t feeling the greatest and said he felt like throwing up, so I offered him some chicken noodle soup.  As he ate it, though, the look on his face reminded me of when I try to swallow Brussels Sprouts.  The soup wasn’t helping, so Aaron and I began to brainstorm about what would taste good to him.  He eventually asked for one of his favorites.  “Mom, can I have cinnamon toast?” 

So I fixed him 3 pieces of cinnamon toast, which he scarfed down…………..after walking over to Jackson’s pillow when I had my back turned and giving him a chunk of toast.  Well, at least Aaron was moving around now, talking clearly, and up to his old tricks.  Is getting back to normal always a good thing?   That’s the question, as Aaron would say.

He asked for more toast and when all was said and done, he had eaten seven – yes, seven! – pieces of cinnamon toast.  He then settled in his favorite family room chair, old person style, with his usual fuzzy blanket, clock, etc., etc.  You know the routine well by now.  And decided that he was still hungry.  “Mom, could I have some celery and peanut butter?”  So I fixed him this other favorite food, and found that he had about 15 paper towels that he had taken in there with him…………he loves the peanut butter but detests it on his hands.  But really, Aaron?  He’s always in overkill mode when it comes to the paper towels. 

He was worried about the blood on his pillow case from biting his tongue.   “Mom, can you change my pillow sheet?”  I went upstairs to change his “pillow sheet”, telling him that I would just change the bed sheets, too.  As I started to change his sheets, he appeared at the doorway to his room……………not to help, mind you, but to direct.  Read the Order of the Covers blog to understand the importance he places on having his covers in just the right order………..an order that he’s sure I will mess up again.  He pretended to want to talk to me, but he was watching my every move.  I knew this when I got ready to put his long body pillow back on his bed, and he interrupted himself in mid-sentence to say, “Put the zipper on this side of the bed.”   Yes, Aaron!

I left the house to go have dinner with friends, and soon after I was gone, Andrea came home.  And Mr. Aaron told her that he sure would like to have some peanut butter and celery…………..that Mom hadn’t fixed him any supper……………that he sure was hungry…………..and so she fixed him MORE peanut butter and celery and he was very happy.  When questioned later, he smiled in his way that says he knows he got caught and he said, “Well, I didn’t think what you  made  me was for supper!”  Yeah, right!  Back to normal indeed!

He went to Paradigm yesterday and went to see a movie with his group.  He had his usual popcorn………….with butter, even though I tell him he doesn’t need the butter…………..and Twizzlers…………….and, as he said, “Mom, they gave me a water sample!!” 

A water sample?  “Yeah, you know in a cup about this big…….and I DIDN’T have to pay for it!!!!” 

I thought he knew about the free cup of water but he seems to have experienced this for the first time.  Now I can just see him going to the snack counter next time and asking for a water sample.  No telling what they’ll give him!  Yuck!

He ate supper with us before we headed out to a concert and he clicked his teeth on his spoon with every bite of his Cheddar Pasta Salad that he requested for his special Friday treat and he excitedly told us all about the movie he saw and the popcorn he ate WITH butter and the Twizzlers and the water sample and on and on and on. 

Yeah, it’s good to have Aaron back…………..Mr. Talks-A-Lot has returned.