Category: Family

I’ll Ask Mom

This past Saturday, I decided to make some Christmas cookies.  I knew right away the ones that I wanted to make as I pulled out my recipes.  There it was……Mary’s Sugar Cookies……….a family favorite for many, many years.  I was trying to remember where the recipe had come from.  I knew that Mom had gotten it from a friend when we kids were little.  I still use the original recipe that I copied from her file before Gary and I got married.  But there is no record about where Mom got the recipe.  Was it from Rose Stepp, who used to give Mom and us four girls perms at her house?  Or was it from Mary Underwood, another good family friend of Mom’s when we were growing up? 

As I was getting everything ready to make the cookies, a thought crossed my mind.  A very natural thought…….one that I have thought hundreds and hundreds of times over the years.  “I’ll just ask Mom where she got the recipe,” I thought.  But just as quickly as that thought occurred, I had a second thought……..a very sad realization.  I can’t ask Mom where the recipe came from because she won’t remember.  And if she did give me a name I would honestly not know if she was correct. 

It seems like a small thing – the fact that she most likely wouldn’t even remember Mary’s Sugar Cookies, much less where they came from.  But this inability to solve my cookie question is only the tip of the iceberg for Mom.  Her Alzheimer’s has taken such a toll on her memory now that it’s really shocking to talk to John and Jan about how she’s doing.  It’s also very telling to talk to Mom on the phone, and to realize that she doesn’t know who I am…….and even when I say that I’m Patty as we first start talking, I know right away that she probably doesn’t even know that Patty is her daughter.

It’s been totally surprising, too, to hear about how she doesn’t know John.  He and I talked yesterday, and the things he told me were so sad.  We thought that she would remember John for a lot longer.  He’s her only son, and he’s also her pastor.  But she is always surprised that the man in the pulpit is her son, and she talks about how she had no idea that John the pastor is John her son. 

Perhaps most stunning of all, though, is that she doesn’t seem to recognize Dad as she looks at pictures of him.  Mom will point to pictures of her and Dad, and then refer to him as her father.  She did recently, with John, point to her wedding picture and refer to Dad as her husband……but not as Jack.  She rarely if ever talks about him anymore.  We just shake our heads in disbelief.  I’ve never known another couple as devoted to each other as Mom and Dad were.  They were inseparable during their retirement years.  But now this awful Alzheimer’s has taken him out of her mind, it seems.

Maybe, though, in some ways that lack of memory is a blessing for Mom.  Tomorrow marks five years since Dad went to heaven.  I was with them the month before he died.  I saw Mom’s total commitment to him as he declined.  There was nothing she wouldn’t do to make his days more tolerable.  At night he would lie in his hospital bed and she would be lying in their bed beside him with her hand through the rails, holding his feeble hand as they fell asleep.  She cleaned him and nursed him as best she could and made sure he was warm and comfortable and happy.  She was getting very confused at that point, and Dad knew it.  He was so worried about her, but we assured him that she would be fine.  I think he needed to know that before he was ready to leave.

Nearly every night during that month, Mom and I would ask Dad what he wanted to eat for supper.  She and I cooked a main meal for lunch, so supper was lighter.  And nearly every night he would think for a few seconds, then smile his incredible sweet smile, and softly and slowly tell us that he wanted scrambled eggs.  But he wanted Mom’s scrambled eggs, made by her hands.  I have the plastic cooking fork that she used for those eggs.  The thoughts of those nights, watching Dad slowly and contentedly eat Mom’s scrambled eggs, washed over me the other day when I scrambled some eggs…….and knew they were not nearly as good as Mom’s.  Or as Mom’s used to be, for I doubt that now she could scramble an egg at all. 

 
It’s truly a blessing that Dad isn’t here to see her like this.  We kids don’t know if he could have survived the sadness.  He was so dependent on her, and so we see God’s mercy in taking him on first.    Just like we can also see God’s mercy in the fact that Mom isn’t grieving his death or missing him daily like she used to do. 

 
But we’ll remember him for her, especially tomorrow.  And we’ll remember their love for each other, for each of us kids, and for the Lord.  We have so much for which to be thankful that even through some tears we can smile and even laugh at the memories.  Christmas was their favorite time of year, so now in some ways it’s bittersweet.  Yet Dad is so very happy in heaven, and Mom will one day join him there.

We have hope through it all.  Hope!  That’s a wonderful word that carries wonderful promise.  Dad’s death wasn’t the end and Mom’s Alzheimer’s is not the end.  We have eternity to anticipate, where nothing will ever be forgotten again. 

I can find out where that cookie recipe came from, too.

In Everything

Teaching our children to say thank-you was a lesson that we started at a very early age.  Most parents do, I’m sure.  It was so cute to hear their little voices say those words, and very gratifying as parents when they said them without prompting.  Like all of life’s early lessons, though, it had to be taught.  Very few children will just naturally be thankful.

Sometimes Aaron is demanding.  “Mom! Come here!”   “Mom! Look!”  Mom! Bring me my coffee!”  I remind him all the time to say please and thank you.  Why are those words sometimes so hard for him to say?  And how often, after handing him something, do I stand there and wait?  He might notice me waiting and he might not.  If he doesn’t notice, I’ll eventually say those words that all of us have said many times.  “What do you say?” I’ll ask.  Then comes the thank-you, but not without my prompting.  An unprompted, spontaneous thank-you would have meant so much more to me.

How often, though, do I do this same thing to God?  How like a child I am in my relationship to Him!  For me, it’s easy to say thank-you for the obvious.  My husband, my children, my home, my health, my friends, food………..   The list can get long.  But I know there are times when God stands beside me waiting for me to say thank-you.  Sometimes I just forget to say the words.  Yet many times the thing He wants me to thank Him for is not something that I necessarily AM even thankful for. 

There He stands, waiting.  Waiting on me.  The eventual stirring in my heart is when I imagine Him leaning down toward me.  “What do you say?” He whispers to me.  And He waits for me to remember that He has said, “In everything give thanks.”  Not just the obvious……….not just the pleasant……….but in everything.  And when I finally remember to say thank-you, or I finally get over my hurt or stubbornness and say thank-you, I know that He is very pleased. 

He loves me.  He wants me to know that “in everything” He has my good in mind.  Saying those words isn’t a magic formula.  It’s instead an acknowledgement of trust on my part.  Even when I don’t feel thankful, just saying the words to Him opens my heart to a level of trust that I hadn’t known before.  I trust that this thing…….this situation…….is sent from God for my good and for His glory. 

What do you say?  Thank You, God.  Thank you.

 

 

My Purpose

It was a Saturday afternoon several weeks ago when my phone jingled, and I picked it up to see that my good friend, Atha, had texted.  We exchanged greetings and then she asked how my day was going, wondering what I was doing.   So I told her what I was doing.  Ironing.  Yes, I was ironing on a Saturday afternoon.  Immediately Atha texted back and as I looked down at my phone, I read these four words.  Established in your purpose. 

That simple phrase jumped off of my cell phone screen and ingrained itself into my heart the very moment that I read it.  Wow!  In fact, I told Atha how I loved what she had just said.  And knowing me as she does, she told me to feel free to use it someday.  I could just hear her laughter. 

Part of the impact of those words came from who said them.  Atha…………Dr. Athalene McNay to be precise……….is highly educated.  She has also started a business coaching those who have ADHD, and she is a college professor.  I respect her abilities and insights.  Yet more importantly, she is my dear friend.  God allowed our paths to cross over ten years ago, and both of us are so thankful that He did.  So her words were both professionally uplifting to me and encouraging to me as a friend.  Atha and I are very much alike in some ways, but our paths at this time in our lives are very different.  We both have purpose, and Atha values my purpose as much as she does her own.

I’ve been dwelling on that phrase more and more lately……..established in your purpose.  Established in MY purpose.  So what is my purpose?  In what am I to be established; to be firm and stable? 

I remember when Gary and I were dating 35 years ago.  As we became more serious in our relationship we were discussing many things.  One important thing that I was thankful that we agreed on was the fact that if we got married, and if God gave us children, I wanted to be able to stay home with them if at all possible.  Gary and I both had the same mind regarding that issue, and as the years passed and our three children were born we were able to see that desire fulfilled.   That was a purpose that we had together, but it was definitely my purpose for as long as I could remember even before I knew Gary. 

I feel blessed to still be a full-time homemaker, and to be able to stay home with Aaron.  I never dreamed, and neither did Gary, that we would have a special needs child.  Aaron has certainly kept me more confined, should I say, and for longer, than I ever imagined.  Oh, he has his day group every weekday and is gone for several hours.  But taking care of Aaron is a purpose that is mine for this time of my life, and in that purpose I know that I should be stable.  It’s a good thing that I love this life, but there are those days………

Days of tiredness.  Days when I feel guilty for not spending more time with him, or for losing my patience with him.  Days of resentment.  Days of routine boredom.  Days of such intense empathy for him that I feel like my heart will explode.  Days of such love for him that I fight the tears.   Days of wishing I had any other life but this one.  Up and down, up and down. 

But isn’t this just life for all of us?  Whatever your purpose is……….whatever road God has set you on………can have many potholes and speed bumps.  It’s always tempting to compare our road’s journey to someone else who does it better or easier or more exotically.  I often have to force myself to look straight ahead as I refocus on my priorities.  My purpose, like Atha said.  And to be established in that purpose.  Firm and stable, as the definition says. 

Even if it means that I’m ironing on a Saturday afternoon, struggling to keep that one crease in Gary’s pants in the place where it belongs.   Ugh!  Even if it means listening to Aaron say the same things over and over and over……and clap……….and yell……….and get angry……and chew with his mouth open as he leans over the third bowl he thinks he MUST have with his snack.  The mundane purposes of life can really stretch my ability to be established, let me tell you! 

Sometimes I think, “Oh, if I was speaking or teaching or singing before large crowds, I would be so blessed and enthused.  What an impact I could have!”  

Or, “Oh, if I could figure out how to write and publish a book, just think of how many people I could reach!”

And, “Oh, if I had such-and-such a ministry or job, it would be so fulfilling!”

Maybe someday that will be God’s purpose for me, but for now it is not.  So for now I will be established in my purpose…….the purpose that God has planned for me this very day.  And I will seek to, as Paul said, do all things to the glory of God.  Don’t even ask how many times I fail in that purpose alone, but God is so patient with me and for that I am ever thankful. 

Being established in my purpose.  It may not be dazzling and exciting, but this purpose that God has for me is just right.

And so is yours.  Be established in YOUR purpose.   

 

I Am Thankful For…………

I wanted to share this Thankful List that Aaron typed up when he was nine years old.   It was 1993, and Gary was stationed at Fort Leavenworth.  We had just returned that spring from living for six years in Germany.  This is a copy of Aaron’s list that we had given to my parents, with Dad’s handwritten date at the top……..so we wouldn’t forget.  I’m so glad he did that.  And I’m glad that we have this very endearing record of just what Aaron Moore was thankful for at the wise age of nine.   I know it’s not the best quality but I hope that you can read it. 

Flowers For Mom

Sometimes when we’re out shopping Aaron will pass some flowers and he’ll tell me of a day that he was at a store with Paradigm, and that he saw flowers and that he wanted to buy them for me.  I always tell him that this is very sweet but that he doesn’t have that much money, and that even if he did he shouldn’t spend it on flowers for me. 

Aaron doesn’t really seem like a flower kind of guy.  He likes to show me artichokes and eggplant, or a jar of pig’s feet, or a skeleton in the Halloween display.  He brings home all manner of things in his pockets which he pulls out to show me………from plastic rats to pens.   Some items I make him return to Paradigm because I’m sure he pilfered them without permission.  He has given me unusual rocks that he finds in parking lots or at the park, and sometimes a strange piece of ornamental grass from the zoo that I know he should not have picked.  But he does, and in his pocket it goes, and he’s just sure that Mom will be so happy that he was thinking of her. 

So last week when I heard the door bang open announcing Aaron’s arrival home from Paradigm, and I met him in the kitchen, I was more than a little skeptical when I saw what he clutched in his hand.  It was a small bouquet of pretty flowers which he thrust out to me and said, “Here, Mom.”  I had no choice but to grab them as he quickly handed them to me and then hurried past me as he headed to his room.  He gave no explanation and certainly showed no emotion as he quickly gave me the flowers. 

“Wait, Aaron,” I said.  “Where did you get these?”  All sorts of scenarios were entering my mind.  Did he take them from Dillon’s or Wal-Mart?  Surely not.  Did he grab them from someone’s desk at Paradigm as he went out the door to come home?  But they hadn’t been crammed in his pocket, and I knew that his driver must have seen them.  I was puzzled. 

“Barb let me have them,” he answered.  I was still confused as Aaron tried to explain that Barb really had let him have some flowers.  They must have been flowers that she had received and that she shared with Aaron, I reasoned.  I told Aaron to wait while I went downstairs and grabbed a vase.  I let him watch me put the flowers and water in the vase, and then I placed them carefully in just the perfect spot.  I thanked him warmly and gave him a big hug, which he halfheartedly accepted.  He was in a hurry to get upstairs, to change clothes, and to get on his computer.  As he walked away, I had my phone in hand and immediately texted Barb.  I just had to know the real story, and to be sure that she wasn’t missing some flowers.

Sure enough, Barb confirmed that she had given Aaron the flowers so that he could bring them home to me.  I thanked her and then told her that I hoped she didn’t take them from something that was for her.  Her reply was a smiley face and then she said, “Enjoy how sweet it is that he wants to bring you flowers.”

How touching!  How very sweet of Barb to not only see that Aaron got his wish of giving Mom flowers, but to see that I was given a happy heart by this gift from my son who can’t just run to the store and grab flowers for Mom whenever he wants.  I’m still not sure how it all came about, but I was doubly blessed on that day.

 
And Aaron?  He was pleased that he finally got to bring me some bona fide flowers……..not just a piece of ornamental grass or a dandelion or a flower pulled from the bush in our yard.  These flowers were the real deal.  He showed them to Gary when he got home, but all in all Aaron didn’t show a great deal of outward excitement about the flowers.  This is so typical of Aaron.  Just do the deed and move on to the next thing, showing little emotion or fanfare.

Yet I know he was very happy to bring me flowers, and he was very happy that I was very happy.  He’s just not going to express it with smiles and conversation and hugs like we do.  But I know that deep in that mind of his, he is very aware of the pleasure he gave his mom and of the love that was returned to him. 

And deep in my mind, I’ll carry with me the picture of Aaron charging through the door with the flowers gripped in his hand……….and then those flowers thrust out to me as he hurriedly said, “Here, Mom.”

His wish was fulfilled……….and I will continue to enjoy how sweet it is that Aaron wants to bring me flowers. 

 

Another Birthday…..Something Old and Something New

This past Friday was Aaron’s birthday – his number 29, to be exact.  That seems so strange to me, thinking that next year he’ll be 30 years old!  He loves his birthday, and weeks before the big day he’s already planning it.  Well, planning where to eat, most of all………..and then talking about gift ideas.  For a long time he wanted to go to Cracker Barrel for dinner, which would be the third year in a row.  But one day a few weeks ago he said, “Mom, I decided I want to go to that Mexican restaurant.”  I asked him which one and he answered, “You know, the one with those Mexican dancers.”  Mexican dancers?  I was trying to remember where on earth we had been that he had seen Mexican dancers……..and how I could have missed the Mexican dancers………when it hit me. 

“Aaron, do you mean Texas Roadhouse?”  I asked him.  “Yeah,” he replied.  “You remember those Mexican dancers there?”  I proceeded to explain the difference in Mexican and cowboy, wondering where he got the Mexican theme from other than an old cowboy movie filmed near Mexico.  Anyway, we got that figured out and so Texas Roadhouse it was.

Of course, Aaron wanted Rosie and her mom and dad to come.  And he invited staff from Paradigm, so Misty got to be there as well.  He’s so funny, planning and talking and looking forward to his special day so much.  But when the day is finally here, he really doesn’t seem all that excited.  He gives a little embarrassed chuckle at all the “Happy Birthday, Aaron!” greetings, or a quick smile as he ducks his head and walks away.  He tolerates the annual birthday picture with our traditional birthday banner.  It’s like he wants to check things off his “My Birthday Is Finally Here” list……and then just get on with normal life.  When he walked in the door after getting home from Paradigm, he saw the wrapped gifts and the cards laying on the table, but he didn’t even act like he noticed them. 

 
He talked for a few minutes about his day, and then told me to come and get him when it was time to leave for Texas Roadhouse.  Soon he was on his computer, unwinding and returning to his world for a few minutes.  He got off happily when it was time to go, the thoughts of restaurant food making him willing to leave his game.  It was a nice evening full of juggling conversation and food with him and with Rosie, and us adults fitting in some words whenever we could.  I loved watching him and Rosie sitting beside each other, across from me, and enjoying their friendship……..done their way. 

 
I was reminded of what Aaron said to me a few days earlier about a conversation he had with one of his staff.  “I asked Andrew why Rosie likes me.  He said she doesn’t talk to many people but she likes to talk to me.”  I told him that was very nice and so he continued, “But that makes me embarrassed……….like………married?”  He thought for a minute and then finished by saying, “I’m not a person to marry.”

Dear Aaron, always worried about this marriage thing.   I assured him that being special friends doesn’t mean marriage, and now as he sat beside Rosie during his birthday dinner I was just happy to see them being who they are.  This means that they didn’t talk much to each other at all.  Aaron was busy stuffing as many rolls in his mouth as he could muster after being sure I had spread the PLAIN butter on them from edge to edge, and being sure I scraped ALL the ranch dressing out of the little container for his salad, and eating peanuts during each free moment, and talking as much as he possibly could.  Rosie was coloring some with her nice colored pencils that she loves, and holding the pencils when not coloring, and reminding first Misty and then her Mom to tell about this and tell about that. 
 

Rosie was excited to give Aaron his gift, and typical Aaron didn’t act near as excited to receive it.  He opened the gifts from Rosie and from Misty, and he sort of said thanks, but he had rolls to eat and chicken critters to chew on……..and opening gifts, while fun, means he has to do that embarrassing thank you, after all.  Deep down he’s pleased with gifts, but he wants to keep those emotions deep down and not put them out there for all to see. 

 
 
I loved it when I told Rosie and Aaron that I wanted to take their picture together, and immediately Rosie put her arm around Aaron.  She did that last year, too.  It’s just so genuine and real……..and is something Aaron would not do.  Soon it was time to go, and Aaron barely said goodbye or thanks to anyone.  He was off to his next assignment that needed to be checked off his list………opening presents at home.  He got through that in good order, moving from one to the other with little emotion but definitely taking it all in.   Gary and I laughed at the funny cards, but we had to make Aaron stop to fully read them and to notice how comical they were.  He was moving from point A to point B to point C……….enjoying the cards and the gifts but definitely nearing overload.  We made sure he reopened Rosie’s and Misty’s gifts and cards so he could realize what they were all about.  Soon, though, he was off to his room.  No time or desire to sit there and linger over some nice conversation with Mom and Dad, and too full for any of the apple pie I had made him. 

He got into his pajamas as quickly as he could, and immersed himself in his game before thumping downstairs a few times to talk awhile.  His weekend was nice as well, with a little shopping, a little pizza, a little apple pie, a little time with Mom and Dad and Jackson, and just life as Aaron likes it. 

I went in his room on Saturday night to say it was time for bed and time for me to take his keyboard.  He was just finishing up his new movie that he got for his birthday…….Pacific Rim.  A few minutes later I stuck my head back in his room and was not at all surprised to see him completely absorbed in watching the credits.  I’ve told about how he watches movies from the very beginning to the very end.  The very, very end with the picture of the lion and the minuscule print. 

This is another part of life as Aaron likes it, so I just smiled and walked away until the movie…….in Aaron’s opinion…….was totally over.  Nothing new here.

Well, this morning there was something new.  Aaron has been getting up early in the mornings, but today he slept until a little after 8:00.  As we were getting ready to leave later to meet his group, Aaron said, “Mom, today I got up at 8:06………which was new!”

That, to Aaron, is indeed something new under the sun and worth noting.   
And that, to me, is something to be expected and worthy of a smile. 

I Held A Butterfly

 

I’ve had a bit of an up-and-down weekend for several reasons – finding myself sometimes nostalgic as I think of Gary’s and my role as parents to our three wonderful children.  It’s been the most fulfilling calling of our lives, that’s for sure.  Sometimes challenging, too, as it is for every parent.  Now Andrea and Andrew have moved to other states as they pursue their own callings at this point in their lives………..Andrea in grad school studying genetics, and Andrew living his dream of working for a professional NHRA drag race team. 

 

And we have life with our special Aaron, still living at home and treating us to his unique view of life every single day………whether we totally relish his unique view or not.  For at times his unique take on life may be funny……..or it may be interesting………..or eye-opening………..or tiring……….or maddening.   But never dull.  Never, ever dull.

 

This morning Aaron followed me outside where I was picking up some small branches and sticks that had blown out of our trees.  Aaron was happy that Jackson was out with us, too, as we said goodbye to Gary when he left for work and I continued to look around the yard for more sticks.  Soon I heard Aaron say, “Mom!  There’s a butterfly!”  I turned around to look and there I saw Aaron holding the butterfly in his hand.  He was looking at this beautiful butterfly with awe, just as a small child would do.  Therefore, I did the same………bending over Aaron’s outstretched hand as we both admired the intricate markings and brilliant colorings of this special little creature.  It’s something I probably would not have been doing on this pretty morning had it not been for Aaron.

 

I’ve been thinking about that a lot today.  Last night Gary and I talked to Andrea for a long time about her thesis research……..about the rapid sequencing machine that she is privileged to be using………about her research being presented to the DOD……….about her research being published…………about where she might apply for her PhD studies in genetics……….and so much more.  Andrea’s very interesting studies have opened up a whole new world to Gary and me.

 

With Andrew, it’s been so much fun to experience the world of professional NHRA racing.  It’s been pretty amazing to get an inside view of this life through visiting him as he worked at the race in Texas and then to talk to him about his new life……….the traveling………the drivers and their crews……the inside stories and insights……….the new things he’s experiencing and learning………watching him on television…….and for us to stand in the winner’s circle in Texas while I got to hold the winning trophy, a Wally, for real!

 

And just this morning, I held a butterfly, for real!   I got to stand in our driveway and have Aaron show me his wonderful butterfly, and then let him gently slide the butterfly into my hand so that I could experience holding him myself.  Aaron was as thrilled with this experience as Andrea is with her research and as Andrew is with his job in the NHRA.  Once again, I am reminded of the importance of perspective in these matters, and of how true this perspective is in so many areas of life.  My attitude, my perspective, makes a huge difference in how I view these matters. 

 

In sharing life with Aaron, the seemingly small things become big and important.  Sometimes that’s a good thing………and sometimes not so good.  But just like I am excited about Andrea’s and Andrew’s accomplishments and their lives, I want to also be excited about Aaron’s……….or at least appreciative of Aaron’s life, and often downright awed……..I hope.

 

This wonder that is Aaron……….it’s in a butterfly in the driveway.

 

It’s in him putting his plastic Halloween rat on the dashboard last night as we drove to Sonic for his milkshake………and him hoping that the cashier would surely notice it!

 

It’s in exuberantly asking if the Buffaloes beat the Chiefs in football.  The Buffaloes?

 

It’s in being very excited to be in Papa Murphy’s as we ordered pizza on Saturday……and instantly picking up the container of red pepper, telling me that he put red pepper on his Target pizza the day before.   “It was full of hotness, Mom!!”

 

It’s in the joy of playing a simple game of Skip-Bo.

 

It’s in him sleeping with Mr. Snake that he took from Andrea’s room.

 

It’s in him meticulously writing down the times that he goes to bed every night and the times that he gets up every morning in his special notebook………even when he’s groggy from a seizure.

 

It’s in the necklace that he made for me and that he loved seeing me wear.

 

It’s in plopping on the floor in the middle of the vet’s office to pet Kato, the resident cat.

 

It’s in wearing his slipper socks AND slippers, even with shorts, and not caring one whit how he looks.

 

It’s in happily buying Gary a treat at the grocery store.

 

It’s in watching Wheel of Fortune………and yes, even with his VERY loud clapping and yelling.

 

It’s in his childish excitement about his upcoming birthday.

 

It’s in his pure delight with anything and everything that is even one iota out of the norm…………and him not knowing that he is just that…..out of the norm – unique and amazing.

 

It’s in his final good night hug……either because it’s so sweet……..or it’s because I’m so tired that the hug makes me that much closer to quiet sleep.

 

It’s that last knock on our bedroom door to check for one last time on the weather………and the outdoor temperature………..and whether it’s going to rain during the night…………..and will there be lightening……….and thunder……….and should he leave his blinds up………and he might not read before bed……..

 

It’s one of many reasons that we lock our bedroom door.

 

But not our hearts.  I hope we never lock our hearts to Aaron and to all that he teaches us and opens our eyes to every single day.

Walking With Dad

Every autumn when we were young, when the leaves were vibrantly colored and the mountain air was crisp in my home state of West Virginia, Dad would set aside a Sunday afternoon for our annual long trek through the woods.  I’m sure that Mary Beth, John, Jan, and Kathryn remember that special tradition as well.  Dad would take us up in the woods behind our old house in the Elmore addition and off we would all go, following Dad as he led us on the road or the path through the trees.  Dad worked six days a week, so I know it was a sacrifice of his time  to take us on this outing.  He would point out the various trees by name, telling us interesting facts about each species.  He would stop and tell us to be very quiet as we listened to the forest sounds around us.  We would listen expectantly………waiting……….waiting……….until we heard the unique chirping of a squirrel, or the rustling leaves caused by a hopping rabbit, or the unmistakable shrill of a Blue Jay or a hawk.  Dad wanted us to not only have fun on this walk, but to see and to learn from all that was around us. 
 
Eventually we would end the day sitting on the ground of a sloping hillside, enjoying the wonderful sunshine and fresh air…………and time together as a family; although that is a treasure that is relished now, I’m sure, more than it was at that particular time.  I don’t remember how long we were in the woods.  Time was irrelevant as a child.  It seemed like forever, but I’m sure it wasn’t all that long.  I do know that if I had been in those woods alone, I would have been terrified.  But with my dad leading the way, and with my siblings around me, I never had a doubt or fear.  I was secure and carefree, loving the experience and trusting in the guidance of my dad. 
 
I’m thinking of all this because I was reading Psalm 5 this morning.  David is in a very bad predicament here, even dangerous.  He talks about the importance of preparing his prayers and the importance of knowing the God to Whom he is praying………and then in verse 8 he begins to pray.  “Lord (Yahweh), lead me in Your righteousness because of those lurking for me; make Your way straight before me.” 
 
David is asking God to lead him in the right way – that’s the first request he makes.  God, show me the way to go……..the right way.  And why?  Because all around there is danger.  There are enemies who want to trip him up, even to kill him.  But isn’t it interesting that David first asked to be led in the right way before he asked to be led in the safe way?  And that David didn’t ask to be delivered OUT of the way of the hard stuff, but to be led IN the right way IN the midst of the hard stuff.  “Make Your way straight before me” doesn’t sound like David was asking for a detour around the situation, but a straight way through it.
 
We’re all on a path, and many times it isn’t too rosy.  When it leads through the dark woods of suffering and anguish, we can easily lose sight of our Guide.  Sometimes we need to just stop and listen…………….listening for what it is God wants to say to us and to show us.  There may be times that we don’t hear anything at all, but we can pray.  Like Dale Ralph Davis says, “Sometimes we may not be fully aware of all the details – not know all the particular dangers or various pitfalls, nor even the precautions required.  Sometimes it looks like there are no roads in what’s ahead of us.  But we can pray verse 8.”
 
Lord, lead me in the right way………because of all the junk that is pulling me down.  Make your way straight……….through all the questions and the hurt and the loneliness and the darkness.  Step by step, just lead me on the straight path in front of me step by step.  There are times I wish I had all the answers, either for myself or for others, but I don’t.  Yet I do know that I need to take one step…….then another step……….then one more………and all the time, ask God to lead each of my steps in the right way.  I wish life was full of fun, but sadly that isn’t the case.  Yet in the hard times, there are things to learn and growing to be done. 
 
My Guide is totally trustworthy, even when He doesn’t explain why He’s leading me down this particular path.  I know that He loves me and that He’ll take care of me………even though at times I have fear of all the unknown that is around me.  Other times I’m even angry because the path is too difficult and I’m tired.  But still I can pray:  “God, lead me in the right way because there are so many enemies lurking on the other ways.  Make Your way straight before me.”
 
Someday I’ll sit down and rest, looking back on the path through the woods and thinking of all the lessons learned.  And realizing that God did indeed lead me in the right way and the straight way.

 

 

Just like my dad.

I Have The Name Aaron

Today was dentist appointment day for Aaron – time for his four month check up and cleaning.  Yes, he goes every four months because his dental cleaning skills are not at the top of his list of priorities.  And for Aaron, today was GO OUT TO EAT LUNCH AND GO TO WAL-MART DAY……….with a little unwelcome side trip to the dentist to mess things up a bit.  The dentist visit was a necessary evil that he had to endure in order to obtain his chief objectives.

Aaron does fine at the dentist, although that’s easy for me to say as I sit in the waiting room…….far away from Aaron’s open mouth.  I used to go back with him for his visits in order to just give him the comfort of my presence, to rub his arm and keep him calm,  and to be able to rescue the hygienist if needed.  Aaron actually has always done well at these visits but there have been times that he has gotten a little impatient and wiggly……….and borderline hateful.  Once he shook his fist in the air.  Only once, at least that I know of.  I put an end to that very quickly with the promise of NO lunch out and NO Wal-Mart if he did that again. 

Now I don’t go back in the exam room with Aaron.  I’ve convinced him that he’s grown up enough to do this dental visit on his own.  It would be nice, though, to just be near Aaron when he has his mouth open and no words coming out.  But he does great without me……….except  he told me during lunch today that he accidentally bit the hygienist’s finger while she was working on him.  Oh my!  I asked what she said and he told me that she said, “Ouch.”  Hmmmm…….I wonder if I should call and check on her.  She didn’t seem hurt when she came out with Aaron to talk to me.  Anyway, Aaron had no cavities, and his teeth were fairly clean, so we left happy.

And Aaron left with something in his hand that he had taken off the counter while I made his next appointment.  I thought it was a free calendar, but when we got in the van and I looked at it, I saw that it was a whole pad of coupons.  I told him that we don’t need all those dozens of the same coupons, and he said, “But Mom, they’re coupons and I want to cut them out.”  Oh good grief, Aaron!  So back in the office we marched and we returned the pad of coupons, much to the laughter and delight of the nice staff……..who also gave us two Wendy’s Frosty coupons.  Aaron wasn’t that impressed with those, though, because they are already cut out.  As we once again walked out, I told the staff to check their purses…….you never know what else Aaron may have taken.  I haven’t gotten a call yet so maybe we’re good.

We stopped at TGI Friday’s for lunch, for which I had a coupon…….one of three that Aaron had already torn apart on those serrated lines that he can’t resist.  Sigh.  Aaron chose chicken tenders to eat after making sure that they were boneless…………a salad with Ranch dressing, and even an extra dressing on the side that he dumped immediately on his salad even as I was telling him that it was extra IF he needed it…………and French fries.  He hopped up before his food came and before I could stop him he had gone to the front counter for his required toothpicks.  Fourteen.  He got fourteen toothpicks……..and when he offered to return them to the waitress later, she kindly told him that he could keep them. 


As the meal was winding down, our waitress asked if Aaron would need a box……but soon she returned and saw that Aaron had eaten every bite.  She commented on the fact that we wouldn’t need a box after all, and Aaron said, “I’m sorry I ate it all.  I’m sorry!”  So we both assured him that it was fine for him to eat it all, and he was happily relieved.  Our waitress was very nice, but I imagine she was a little puzzled.  Aaron tends to have that effect.

Off we headed to Wal-Mart, where the first thing I did was direct Aaron to the bath section.  I had promised him a buff-puff on a stick and he was excited to buy one.  Later, as our items were being rung up, Aaron told the cashier, “My mom bought me a puff ball on a stick!”  He further explained to her that he couldn’t reach his back in the shower and that now he could.  As he loaded our bags in the cart there at the register, he heard someone yell out the name Aaron.  He put his hand over his heart in shock and looked quite alarmed, which made me laugh as I assured him that it was another Aaron being summoned.  He told the smiling cashier, in a rather breathless voice, “I have the name Aaron.”  She and I both smiled, and I had the feeling that she was rather enjoying her unusual customer with the name of Aaron.

We walked past the nail salon, which so interests Aaron and which he has wanted to visit. “Mom, I heard they have men in there.”  Who knows?  Maybe someday I’ll let him try it…….but NO polish!  And soon after that you would have found Aaron and me looking down through a large grate in the parking lot at the drainage pipe that so fascinates Aaron.  He excitedly told me about the pipe he recently saw in Old Town that was “pushing water up out!!”  And I wondered what people thought of us standing there looking down through that grate, but I didn’t really care because I was having fun with my special boy.

Aaron loves reading personalized license plates, and trying to guess what they mean.  As we drove away from Wal-Mart, the car in front of us had the name “Wurtz” on their plate.  “Look at that license plate, Mom!” he exclaimed.  “That’s the stuff on your face!”  

“No, Aaron,” I said through my laughter. “That would be warts.” 

Wait!  Did he mean MY face?!

We stopped at the vet for dog food, where Aaron had to share the “Wurtz” and “warts” story with Charla as she rung up our dog food.  And Aaron got to pet Kato the cat, who was just shaved and looked so adorable with her puffy tail and legs and face……..and who promptly gave Aaron a few little bites when he wouldn’t quit picking her up.  As we left, Aaron happily told Charla about his good report from the dentist…….clean teeth and no cavities!  “Do you ever have the dentist say your teeth are clean?” he asked her.

Oh Aaron!  Time to go home!  You need to keep your mouth busy with your bubble gum tape I bought you.  Or your Sour Cream and Onion Pringles.  Or your flavored water. 

Yeah, it was a fun time for Aaron at Wal-Mart for sure.   And a fun day for me with our boy that has the name Aaron.

Some Saturday Morning Smiles

Aaron was up early again this morning.  I mean very early, long before Gary and I were out of bed………and we don’t sleep late.  I heard Aaron on his monitor, so I reached over to turn it off and hoped to catch a few more winks.  Jackson had already gotten me up during the night to go outside, and I had still been awake to see the shining of my digital clock at 12:30 something……….so I was moving very slowly when I finally went downstairs a little after 7:00.

But not Aaron.  No………Aaron was chipper and happy and full of talk.  I was mostly non-verbal at this pre-coffee stage, but Aaron didn’t care.  He stood outside the bathroom door talking to me, and I knew it was going to be one of those mornings.  I sometimes feel like I still have small children between the dog getting me up some nights, and Aaron arising early, full of chatter and questions and much information that he wants to share….whether I want it or not. 

I was at the one syllable word stage as I sipped a cup of coffee, but Aaron wasn’t fazed.  He told me that he was hungry, even after eating a bowl of cereal when he got up very, very early.  He asked for tomato soup.  Tomato soup at 7:30 in the morning?  Yes, tomato soup, he said.  Well, that was easy enough, and he was even happier and more full of talk as he slurped his soup and I slurped my coffee.
 
“Mom!” he blurted, “the day before last night I was reading about that place during war.  It’s in Texas!”  This brought a small smile to my face.  The day before last night.  As if reading my mind, he clarified by telling me that it was Thursday night that he read about that place in Texas during war.  “The Alamo?” I asked.   “That’s it!” he said.  “I bet Andrea would know all about that!”………..as if Andrea living in Texas would now make her an expert on the Alamo.  I’m fairly certain that sometime Aaron will ask Andrea all about the Alamo, too. 

Maybe it was partly the coffee, but Aaron’s way of expressing himself was also  responsible for my smile.   I was warming up to this morning, and especially to sharing it with Aaron.  I’m used to some quiet time before he gets up, but lately that’s changed.  I may as well be thankful that he was in a good mood, and then decide to share that mood with him. 

Soon my smile was even bigger.  Something made Aaron think about having pets, which made him remember a conversation he recently had with Barb at Paradigm.  “Mom,” he said, “Barb, she does not have pets……….but she just has those children.” 

I laughed out loud at this one.  Oh Aaron, you do have a way of saying things.  Yes, you do.

Later, we were up in his room looking for his missing wallet when I noticed this in his trash can.

It’s the large container of Sunburst tomatoes from Sam’s.  We had eaten a few but there was almost a whole container full when they were last seen on the kitchen counter the night before.  I hadn’t even missed them this morning, but there was the evidence in Aaron’s trash can.  I held up the empty container and asked Aaron if he had eaten them all.  He sheepishly said that he had eaten them the night before……….every single one.  That might explain his frequent bathroom trips this morning.

He went on to explain, “Mom, I was really hungry last night!  My stomach……..it’s like it was flat in!”  

He further emphasized what it’s like to have a “flat-in stomach” from such severe hunger.  And then he asked, “Mom?  Have you ever had a flat-in stomach?” 

OK.  Conversation over.  I know where this will lead………and the talk earlier in the week of how I would look in Vanna White’s skinny dresses was still fresh on my mind. 

I made my escape without answering the question………and I’m still smiling at my morning with Aaron.  It’s more than the coffee, too.  It’s just Aaron being Aaron that’s made my morning brighter.