Category: Friendship

Hurry and Wait!

I’ve written before about how hard it is for Aaron to wait…for anything!  It doesn’t matter if he’s waiting to go to his day group in the mornings, or to Meals on Wheels on Thursdays, or to go shopping, or to watch a program with me, or to eat a favorite meal I’m fixing…waiting is not his strength.

As an example, one night Aaron didn’t want to go to sleep until I came up to bed so that we could do his nighttime routine.  

“Mom!” he said, “when are you coming to bed?”

“I don’t know,” I replied.  “I need to get done with some things, and it’s still early.”

“Well,” he responded, “when you’re done with doing things and it’s done being early, when will that be?”

Oh Aaron.  

He is not easily deterred.

This past Friday night, Aaron was in a tizzy as he was both excited and anxious that his friend Barb, along with her two daughters and a good friend, were coming to take him out for his birthday lunch.  

He wanted to know what time they were coming and then re-affirmed the time over and over.  He talked about where they would eat, what he would order, who was coming, what time should he get up in the morning, etc., etc., etc.

As I was drifting off to sleep, thinking that maybe, just maybe, I would soon hear his steady SLEEPING breaths on the baby monitor on my nightstand, instead it was:

“So first I’ll take my shower in the morning and then I’ll drink my coffee.  Then will I have time to watch a movie, Mom?”

“Mom?”

“Mom?”

 I sure do get plenty of deep breathing exercises.

The next morning, Aaron did take a shower, and he did drink his coffee, but he did NOT watch much of a movie.  Instead, he followed me around the house and then outside as I did some straightening on the porch and in the yard.

He finally got some of his energy out by rocking on the porch, but he is able to multitask, as in talking about waiting while he rocks.

“I just want Barb to come real quick,” he said.  “But she won’t be able to come real quick, right?”

“That’s right,” I replied.

“She just needs to take time, right?” he added.

“That’s right,” I numbly answered.

It was quite for a hopeful minute.

“Does she know how to get here?” he questioned.

I assured him that she did.

He dug in his pocket for his pocket watch.

“It’s 10:43,” he informed me.  “That means it won’t be long till she’s here, right?”

I wanted to tell him that it would be longer than I wanted it to be, but I didn’t.

More deep breathing exercises.

He finally went to sit under the maple tree and crunch mulch in his trash can.  This helps him relax and unwind.  

You have no idea how tempted I was to join him and see if it might do the same for me!

Ahhhh!  Blissful quiet!    

“Mom!  What’s the car of Barb look like?!”

Dear Aaron!

He was beside himself with excitement when the car of Barb pulled into our driveway.  

And he was every bit as excited when the car of Barb brought him home.  He bounded in the house with lots to tell of what they ate and of shopping and of all the goodies he had been given.

We love that these sweet friends gave Aaron a very happy day.

It truly was worth the wait, and not only for Aaron.  

Aaron and The Violinist

A couple months ago, Aaron found a CD in our van that he had not listened to before.  I saw that it was an instrumental CD produced by Chelley Graves.  Chelley is an accomplished violinist who taught our daughter violin for quite a few years. 

Now, Aaron only likes to listen to music that has people singing. Instrumental music is not his interest. He will even skip songs on his CD’s that have no singing, which is very telling since Aaron goes from #1 to the last song without ever skipping a song because one does NOT skip numbers. 

He popped the CD in and sat back to listen as he examined the CD case. It didn’t take long for understanding to sink in.

Aaron: Mom, doesn’t Chelley sing?! (He pronounced her name with the hard CH sound, as in check)

Me: No, Chelley (soft CH) is a violinist. She doesn’t sing on this CD.

I figured that was the end of listening to this CD. But no, Aaron kept listening to song #1, #2, #3, #4. Since you’re not Aaron, I don’t need to keep counting but you get the picture.

I was very pleasantly surprised!

The next morning, as we left the house for his day group, Aaron pushed the rewind button, and we went from #8 all the way down to #1. He wanted to listen to the whole CD again!!

This was AMAZING for Aaron on so many levels!!!!!

This was AMAZING for me on so many levels!!!! 

No more wobbly voiced Elvis, either!!!!

Chelley’s beautiful music was filling our van and making us both very happy!

Aaron was intrigued with the fact that I know Chelley.  One day he told me that he wanted to send her a card to tell her that he liked her music.  I messaged Chelley for her address and Aaron wrote her these precious words.

And then a few days later, Chelley messaged Aaron.  I printed her message and handed it to Aaron.  

I wondered how his face could hold his enormous smile.  

Aaron placed Chelley’s message on his bed with his collection of special items that he carefully arranges on his bed every night, surrounding him while he reads and listens to music before he goes to sleep.  Her letter is also on Aaron’s desk every day, a testament to how special it is for him to be acknowledged.

Chelley has recently been playing her violin at an Italian restaurant in our city one or two nights a week.  So, last night Gary and I took Aaron to this restaurant as a special treat, but also for a very fun surprise.

Chelley knew we were coming.  As we sat in our booth, she came to our table and spoke to Aaron.  He was puzzled at first but when I told him who she was, there was that huge smile again. He told her that he liked her music, and of course then he had to show her his sticker book that he had brought with him. Chelley was so gracious and kind.  

All during our dinner, he would look over at her as he listened to her play so beautifully, and his happiness was once again on his face and in his eyes. 

 

Kindness shown to Aaron means the world to us.  So does the opportunity for Aaron to show kindness to others as he did to Chelley when he wrote her that note.  

We came full circle in a sense, all of us sharing in the joy that Aaron brings in his own unique and uninhibited way.

And here’s hoping for less Elvis and more Chelley!  

A Rose…A Friend

Sometimes when I pick Aaron up from his day group, while I wait for him to come to the car, I just sit and watch the various clients as they come and go.  There are times that tears fill my eyes.  Their needs are various, some more severely impacted by their conditions than others.  But each of them live challenging lives.  I am always humbled and amazed at their tenacity as they carry in their minds and bodies burdens that I have never faced.

This year, once again, our Dillon’s grocery store donated roses for Aaron to take to Paradigm on Valentine’s Day.   Jody, our sweet friend that we have come to know there, has made that happen for several years. 

Aaron is hesitant about all the hoopla of holidays.  He loves giving things to people but still he was nervous about taking the roses in to Paradigm. 

But oh my, it was a precious thing to see.  Barb and I had to remind Aaron to give a few to some of his less-favorite people, and their reactions warmed my heart. Just so you know, none of those persons is pictured here.

Just watching each client smile with delight was the highlight of my day. 

My flowers from Gary were a close second, but nothing beats just seeing the joy that a simple flower brings to these very special ones. 

I think more people would have a different outlook on life if they would go visit a special-needs day group…maybe take some things and bring some smiles and love to those who often need it the most.

I’ll leave you with these pictures.  Prepare to smile yourself.

        

“A single rose can be my garden… 

 A single friend…my world.”   (Leo Buscaglia)

A Good Place with Each Other

Aaron has a very special friend at his day group, Paradigm.  Her name is Victoria.  From the time Victoria first started attending Paradigm, she and Aaron just hit it off.  They became fast friends. 

Developing and maintaining relationships can be very tricky and difficult for Aaron.  We understand Aaron better than anyone does but even with us he can be full of relational surprises.  The tone of our voice…a particular hand motion…not following in his rigid demands…   There are so many ways that Aaron can suddenly become upset and angry with those of us who know him best.  Imagine the pitfalls of combining all the special needs and personalities in his day group!

But there is something very real and incredibly sweet about his relationship with Victoria.  She squeals and jumps with delight when he walks into Paradigm.  She misses him terribly when he isn’t there. 

And Aaron…well, Aaron (as far as we know!) tolerates her noises because he sees how much she cares for him.  He even shows empathy when a storm comes and Victoria is very scared, or when she is sad about something. 

Who can explain love? 

One thing I do know is that all of us, on whatever level we operate, want and need to be loved.

Aaron is an open book as he attempts to analyze and understand his feelings for Victoria.

One day, after an altercation with someone at Paradigm, Aaron was pondering Victoria’s reaction to that person.

“Mom, Victoria told N not to bother her boyfriend.  Am I the boyfriend?”

Another time, as he talked to me about Victoria, he revealed more of his thoughts.

“Mom, would she be happy for me to tell her I think she’s a girlfriend?”

Gary and I have tried over the years to stress the relationship of friendship rather than boyfriend/girlfriend.  But no attempts on our part to redirect his thinking on this can squelch the feelings in his heart. 

“Mom,” he commented one day, “Victoria and I seem to match each other.”

Who can argue with that? 

Then one day came this nugget of hilarious wisdom.

“Mom, every time I burp, Victoria laughs at me.  And when I make the farting noise like this, Victoria makes it too.  I think we’re right for each other!”

Love is a many splendored thing, right?  😊

Recently, our friend Barb from Paradigm sent some pictures she took as she walked with Aaron and Victoria to the popcorn shop nearby.  As Barb said, this was so genuine and sweet.

I cried when I looked at them. 

And I thought of another comment that Aaron had made about their relationship.

“Mom, can you tell that Victoria and I have a good place with each other?”

Yes, Aaron. 

And I think it’s a very good place to be.

What’s In Your Shoe?

Aaron has developed a special relationship with the nurse practitioner at his day group.  Megan is gentle and kind with Aaron.  She listens to his endless talking and shows interest in his latest interest…interests that are more like obsessions on Aaron’s part.

Right now, Aaron is all about space and planets and galaxies and moons and stars and the sun and YouTube videos about all of these and more.

Megan has told her son, Cody, about Aaron and shares with him some of the space “facts” that Aaron so happily shares.  Cody has written Aaron three notes, thanking Aaron for sharing what he’s learned and for telling him about the YouTube videos he should watch.  It’s really very sweet.

Aaron LOVES these personal notes.  The first note made it home with Aaron, and he happily shared it with us. 

The second note, however, was somehow lost.  Aaron thinks it must have fallen out of his pocket.  He was very sad to have lost that note.

Two days ago, after I picked Aaron up from his day group, our van started over-heating.  Gary met us and took the van to the shop while I followed in his truck.  In all the excitement, Aaron forgot to mention that he had another note from Cody.

 Aaron and I sat in the waiting room at the shop while Gary talked to the manager.  Suddenly, Aaron took off his shoe.

“Aaron,” I said, “don’t take off your shoes in here.  Wait until we get home.”

“But Mom,” he answered, “I wanted to show you this.”

He reached into his shoe and then handed me a damp folded piece of paper, which I wanted to hand back.  Yuck!  😊

“Cody wrote me another note, so I put it in my shoe because I didn’t want to lose it!” Aaron explained.

I read the note while Aaron broadly grinned.  Once again, Cody was thanking Aaron for sharing info about Saturn and the beautiful rings.  I finished reading, and then Aaron refolded the note before putting it back in his shoe for the ride home. 

Aaron talked and talked about that note as we went about our evening.  So, I finally told Aaron that he should write a note back to Cody.  He thought about this for awhile and then went to his room.  Before long, he handed me his note that he had written.  Now it was my turn to grin broadly.

Look at the first planet.  Mercenary!  😊 😊

But even funnier is the fact that his note is just full of facts.  Nothing personal at all. 

This is SO Aaron! 

When he talks to his brother or sister on the phone, this is exactly what he does.  He never ever asks them how they are doing or what is going on in their lives.  He instantly launches into his latest book or game or movie.  He loves facts and information and trivia.

It’s why he loves reading his Handy Answer Books on different subjects but has never liked stories that involve dialogue and relationships.

This element of autism is exhibited in every area of Aaron’s life.  When he and I went to pick up our van yesterday, Aaron immediately started telling the employee there all about Saturn.  I finished paying just as Aaron decided to move on to Venus, but I ushered him out the door as I told him that on our next visit he could give the Venus lecture.  I noticed the huge grin on the face of the waiting customer as we left. 

Tomorrow Aaron will take Cody’s note to Megan.  We are putting the note in an envelope.  I don’t think an envelope will fit into Aaron’s shoe.  I hope not, for Cody’s sake.

I’m sure his mom has a pair of latex gloves he can wear, though.  😊

Here’s A Rose!

Once again, this year our friend Jody at our local Dillon’s store made sure that Aaron had a box of beautiful red roses to take to his day group on Valentine’s Day.  And this year, unlike last year, Aaron did stay at Paradigm (his day group) all day.  Special days are hard for Aaron – too many expectations on a day full of a party atmosphere.  It all drives Aaron a little crazy. 

My favorite picture of the morning was Aaron’s sheer delight after giving a rose to Antoine, one of his favorite staff. 

Antoine takes Aaron to QuikTrip on most days.  He is so very patient and understanding with Aaron, even when Aaron’s exuberance is a bit much. 

I captured pictures of Aaron giving a rose to Barb, our dear friend in so many ways.

And to Victoria, his very special friend.

Last week Jody saw to it that Aaron and I also had roses to hand out to our Meals on Wheels clients.  Look at the loveliness!

Aaron enjoyed taking a rose to each door and handing one to each of our sweet clients. 

I relish seeing the way Aaron loves giving those roses away.  These are memories tucked happily into my heart. 

Thank you to Jody and to Dillon’s for making those two fun days possible.  The kindness shown and the memories made are truly priceless!

Footprints

 

For the past two days we had a small and gentle snow that fell to the ground and blanketed our brown earth with a fresh coat of white.  Besides needing the moisture, it was a relief to look outside and see the drab brown grass and trees transformed into the beauty of a soft winter wonderland…new and sparkling white.
 
Andrea is still here with us as she enjoys the last day or two of her Christmas break.  Along with her, we have her adorable dog – Darcy.  Darcy is so small compared to our huge Great Dane, Jackson.  The difference in their sizes was very evident yesterday as I looked down at their footprints in the snow.  I had no trouble being able to distinguish which print was Jackson’s and which was Darcy’s.  The impressions that each dog made in the snow was undeniable…big for Jackson and small for Darcy. 
 
 
I’ve been thinking about footprints and pondering the significance of those footprints that we cannot see…the footprints that we leave in the lives of people that cross our paths.  I have specifically been thinking of Aaron – of some of the people that have left a footprint in his life and therefore have impacted mine.  The footprints don’t have to be huge or to be many in order to leave an impact.
 
Years ago we had a dinner after the morning service at our church.  By this time,  Aaron was in his teens and his differences were very pronounced.  Most of his peers did not know what to do with Aaron…how to talk to him or relate to him.  They weren’t unkind but most simply handled the situation of Aaron by ignoring him, or by speaking briefly and then walking uncomfortably away from this person who was so unusual.  As I went through the serving line and filled my plate, I looked around for Aaron in order to direct him to the table where we would be sitting.  But there was no Aaron to be found as my eyes scanned the room.
 
Then I saw him sitting at a table full of teenaged boys.  I wondered if Aaron had just seated himself there and  my heart fell as I feared that he might be ignored.  It was then that Gary told me that one of the young men at that table, Tyler Ellis, had asked Aaron if he wanted to sit with them.  I was shocked…and I was also so very happy.  What to Tyler probably seemed like a very small thing to do was instead a huge blessing to Gary and me.  That incident left a footprint in my heart that remains today…a footprint of kindness that still warms me and makes me smile.
 
I have another footprint involving a young man that had his own struggles yet had a heart of gold.  Paul Gilbow came over to our house to swim with Aaron.  What was routine for our other children was rare for Aaron…to have someone purposely come over to swim with him and spend time with him.  I remember the joy that filled my heart as I looked out the window and watched Paul and Aaron swim.  Paul was unaffected by Aaron’s unusual behaviors or speech or appearance.  He gave Aaron a day of normalcy and fun, and he gave me a footprint in my life that will stay forever.  Paul has left this earth but his sweet footprint remains with me.
 
We each leave footprints in the lives of others.  Some of those prints are with intent as we purposely reach out to touch others and to help them along the way…or sadly as we may reach out to inflict verbal pain or to ignore those that we dislike.  Other prints we may never see or realize as we affect people in ways of which we are unaware.  I often wonder that if the footprints of our attitudes and our deeds were visible, like Jackson’s and Darcy’s, then what would mine look like?  When I leave a footprint in some one’s life, what kind will it be?  Will someone look at the footprints in their life and recognize mine?  And if they do, will it be because of a smile or an act of love and caring?  Or will they see anger or frustration or neglect? 
 
I want this New Year to be a year of making the right kinds of footprints in the lives of others…and to remember that even the very smallest of prints can leave a lifelong, profound effect on those whose lives I somehow touch.  

Aaron Riding High

Today after church, Gary and I went to lunch with our sweet friends, Phil and Lydia.  Phil is a business owner, and also a farmer.  They were talking about wheat harvest, which is happening now. 

Aaron has been loving a new game, Farm Simulator, so I asked if maybe we could come out and look at the farm.

“Sure!” Phil said.  “Aaron can ride with me on the combine.”

That was so much more than I expected!  How exciting!

Lydia picked me and Aaron up later, and off we went, headed west.  The golden waves of Kansas grain are so beautiful right now.  All along the way, here and there, we could see the combines out in the fields harvesting the wheat.

We got to the field, and soon there came Phil.  As he emptied some wheat, Aaron followed him to the combine.

Soon he was climbing the ladder.

And off they went!

How fun to watch that huge combine do its job!  And to know that Aaron was sitting up there!

What a fun day for Aaron! 

Thank you, Phil and Lydia, for being so kind and for giving Aaron another first-time and exciting experience.

Thanks for Praying!

I knew that some of you who were praying about Aaron’s MRI last Friday might wonder if he was able to have it done.  Days are so busy and get away from me, but I wanted to give a quick update.

He had no seizures the night before the appointment, so he was able to go and complete the test.  All went well and I’m not expecting to get results until his next doctor visit. 

Thank you so much for praying! 

He even went to his day group after the MRI.  He had said he wanted to just come home so going to Paradigm made me happy.  It made him happy, too, to be with his friends.  Victoria had saved him a cupcake, which pleased him greatly. 

And that reminds me that I wanted to share this sweet picture that our friend Barb sent me of Aaron and Victoria.  Aaron was tying her shoe.  Isn’t that the sweetest?!

On Saturday, Aaron and I joined our good friends for a birthday lunch.  Rosa and Aaron used to be in Paradigm together and became special friends.  Every year Louise and I get together for Rosa’s birthday in the spring, and Aaron’s birthday in the fall.  We didn’t get to do it last year due to COVID.  They hadn’t seen each other since November of 2019!  It was so much fun to see them enjoying time together again!

And with Mother’s Day coming up, I’ll share a picture of Rosa and her mom, Louise.

And me with Aaron.

In case I’m not able to post again before Sunday, let me wish each of you dear moms a very wonderful and sweet Mother’s Day!

God bless each of you dear readers!