Asperger’s Syndrome – Page 19

You Don’t Want Me Still Talking

I’ve been thinking about the past few days with Aaron, and how he takes the most normal of things and makes them uniquely his own. He gives so many things a different twist and often we end up laughing……..or shaking our heads in frustration. One thing is for sure – it’s hard to be a step ahead of Aaron. Usually I’m running to catch up to him!

This past Saturday morning, Gary and I ate breakfast with Aaron as we listened to him talk. He was very happy that I had fixed his favorite biscuits, and even happier that the blessing Dad asked wasn’t very long so that he could dig in quickly……….all the while keeping an eye on the pan of biscuits in the kitchen, hoping that no one would claim any more of them and they would all be his. As I later cleaned up the kitchen, I turned around to find Aaron holding the small gourd that Rosie’s mom, Louise, had given me from their garden. Of course, Aaron had noticed it sitting in the kitchen because it’s unusual and bumpy. Aaron was walking out of the kitchen, headed to his room with the little gourd that he had claimed as his own……..without asking. I stopped him and we had a conversation about the gourd and where I got it and what it is and could he have it………so I said yes. He’s so delighted by the simplest of things. Plus, he had experienced a rough time at his day group the day before so I was hoping to give him a happy weekend. If the gourd helped us accomplish that, then so be it.

Aaron knows that we usually change his sheets on Saturday, so he was very happy that I went up to his room at the same time that he did and that I asked if he wanted to do this sheet changing job now. He prefers to do it early in the day instead of often having to wait on me to get to it later. It hangs over his head all day, so finishing it early was a good thing for him. It had rained the night before, so Aaron pointed to the raindrops still on his window as he said, “Mom, look at the dots on the window!”

He told me how he read about the Boston Tea Party in his Handy History Answer Book the night before. He had some questions about what kind of tea was at this party and what made them throw it in the water, so as I tried to explain what had happened I told him that the tea tax was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I know better than to use those sayings with Aaron. He takes them quite literally, so soon I was explaining that there were no camels at that tea party that really wasn’t a tea party and that the camel wasn’t carrying straw and that his back didn’t break if he WAS a real camel and it’s just a saying and this is what it means……..oh, never mind. Forget the camel.

And by the way, Aaron, why is there an empty toilet paper roll under your bed……..and a bowl of Skittles? And yes, we can plug in your disco light thingy and close your blinds and turn your light off while you play a computer game in your disco room.

Yes, you can put the gourd on your bookshelf. Yes, I’ll look at that one clip about whatever movie it is you’re watching or whatever game you’re playing. Finally, after much more talking, I edged toward the door and said, “See you later, Aaron.”

“Where are you going, Mom?” he asked. I told him that I was going to take a shower, and he concisely replied, “You’re weird.” So I asked him why on earth that was weird, and he answered, “Because you don’t want me still talking.” Actually, escaping to the shower was a huge relief, but I knew that Aaron was very likely to stand outside my locked bedroom door and still talk as he so often does. And who is the weird one anyway??

There were more simple things that made Aaron happy over the next few days, like going to Dillon’s and seeing the spooky house full of “smoke.” That made him nearly as happy as his cheddar pasta salad and chicken tenders. And taking Jackson on a walk, because I let him hold the leash the way that Zach did.

He came in my room after taking his shower yesterday and asked, “Mom? Can I have one of those string things with a puff ball on it?” I knew exactly what he meant and I said that he could have one and he was very happy about that. In fact, I suggested a buff puff on a stick because he could wash his back better with that………and he thought that a buff puff on a stick would be just too cool!

This morning on the way to meet his group, he talked about Napoleon after reading his history book last night on that subject. He observed, “Mom, Napoleon’s war suit was different from other war suits. It was fashioner!”

You are so right, Aaron! It was more fashioner than some of those other military guys. I was thankful, too, that Aaron didn’t broach the topic of Vanna White’s clothing again today like he did the other day. He and I love to see what new dress she is wearing when we watch Wheel of Fortune. Aaron often wonders what I would look like in those dresses…….and I try to change the subject. But the other day Aaron said, “Mom, those are real skinny dresses.” Pause. “Can you wear those?” Pause. “I don’t want to use the word fat, but you’re not as skinny as her.”

What did you say Saturday, Aaron? Something about me not wanting you to talk? Sometimes I wish!

Walking the Tightrope

I heard Aaron on the monitor early this morning, a little after 5:00. I rolled over in bed so that I could hear better. No, it wasn’t a seizure. I listened for a couple more minutes and then knew that Aaron was awake. Not only awake, but it sounded like he was out of bed. Soon Gary got out of bed and went downstairs. Aaron popped out of his room when he heard the footsteps and said, “Mom?” But he knew it wasn’t Mom when he heard Gary’s voice, so he went back to his room while I listened again on the monitor. Soon I got up, too, and went down to fill my coffee thermos. I headed back upstairs and was in Andrea’s room, where my quite time desk is, and was quietly closing the door when once again Aaron quickly opened his bedroom door.

I was discovered! He clomped up the hall and began to tell me about his head and stomach hurting. His blood shot eyes also told a tale. Aaron has started a new medicine this week, and every morning he has gotten up early……..much earlier than usual, but this morning was way too early. Is it the medicine that is causing his sleep to be disrupted? Does he really feel sick? With Aaron it’s hard to tell because he tends to exaggerate aches and pains in order to either get sympathy or to be able to stay home from his day group.

I ushered him back to his room while listening to him talk about not feeling well, and then he launched into a rundown of the latest movie that he’s watching. I told him to hush about the movie, helped him take his sweater off, pulled back and straightened his covers, and finally talked him into getting in bed again over his protests that he wasn’t sleepy. He kept talking. “Aaron, Aaron,” I said. “Just close your eyes and relax. Don’t talk anymore about movies or about your head or stomach. I bet you’ll go back to sleep.” He wasn’t sold on that idea, but I could tell that he liked the feel of his multiple blankets on top of his tired body and that he was indeed relaxing. I turned off his light and closed his door.

It wasn’t long before I could hear his steady breathing through the monitor. Good! He had fallen back asleep. Hopefully he would stay in bed for a couple more hours, at least. It was just a little over an hour later, as Gary was getting ready to leave for work, that I heard Aaron stirring and soon he was downstairs. I waited in the kitchen to see what look was on his face…….what mood he was showing………when he came into the room with a smile. Ah, relief! He talked about not being able to sleep, about his head and stomach, and his movie once again……..but he was happy and I was hoping the pleasant mood would last.

“Mom! I woke up at 5:09! Why couldn’t I sleep?” We talked about Aaron’s sleeplessness even as I reminded him that he did get an extra nap after he went back to bed. I wanted him to feel rested and not to claim extreme tiredness as a reason to stay home today. Soon I had talked him into eating some breakfast.

I suggested boiled eggs and bacon, but he only wanted eggs. He finally agreed to the bacon if I would make it crispy and not chewy. Later he had his eggs and bacon along with his coffee as he was snuggled under his blanket watching a program on the DVR. What a life! Of course, the program he was watching was one that he started yesterday but he didn’t get to finish it. Therefore, in true Aaron fashion, he started the recording over from the beginning. He will NOT usually resume watching a program where he left off but will instead start all over from the beginning. Some programs take several times to watch because of this regimented way of doing things. He also presses the pause button every time he looks down at his plate to put food on his spoon or fork. He cannot miss one second of his program………not one. So it’s pause……scoop food……..look up…….press play……..chew and swallow……press pause…….scoop food……….

I mentioned this to Aaron this morning in a very matter-of-fact way so that he wouldn’t get defensive. He confirmed that this is how he operates. I just agreed with him and walked back in the kitchen as I left him to his pausing and playing, over and over and over. There he sat, with his food and his multiple utensils and napkins and coffee………..with his particular way of watching his program………and his mother just smiling inwardly at this unusual son.

I got our supper in the crock pot and cleaned the kitchen while Aaron finished his pausing and chewing and playing. He was very quiet, and I saw that his head was laying back though his eyes were open. He got a little grouchy when I told him that I was going to shower, and that he should do likewise. Later, I looked up the hall and saw that his door was closed. When I knocked and then walked into his room, I saw him sitting at his desk, watching a movie on his computer. Now his mood was different. He was grouchy Aaron, and he let me know that he wanted me to leave him alone. In fact, he took off his headphones and got up from his chair as he pointed to the sign that he had put on his door.

He was quite irritated that I had not seen the glaring sign………..the sign that told me to not only stay out, but to get lost. Oh boy………here we go, I thought. So I just told him that soon we would be leaving, and then I left his room as he closed the door behind me. Surprisingly enough, the rest of the morning was pretty calm. He allowed me in his room a few more times………he gladly let me help him with his belt………he listened while I explained that his tiredness was not my fault……….and he actually got ready to leave for his group without a fight.

He talked on the way to meet his ride about all the things that Aaron talks about, which is anything and everything that crosses his mind in that 10 minutes. “Mom, I saw a boy walking a dog this morning. That dog is full of fluffy fur!” And off he went, only pausing for a brief comment here and there from me. As we neared Quik Trip and the Paradigm van waiting in the parking lot, Aaron said, “Mom, tell them that I got up at 5:09. Tell them about my stomach and my head and that I’m tired.” I said, “So you want me to tell them that you got up a little after five?” Of course, Aaron replied with impatience, “I got up at 5:09!!!!”

Aaron played the part of being very tired as I conveyed to the driver that Aaron had gotten up at 5:09 and didn’t feel well, etc., etc. He was satisfied then, got in the van, and off they went. Off I went, too, driving to Sam’s and thinking of our morning. I feel like I am walking a tightrope nearly every day. Hearing that Aaron was up so early……..at 5:09!!…………..was how I started my tightrope walk today. One foot gingerly in front of the other as I heard him stirring and then as I went downstairs, hoping that he wouldn’t hear me. Silly me! Of course he heard me. I headed across my tightrope as he came out of his bedroom and as I helped him get back in bed. I was steady on the rope as I heard Aaron sleeping again, but I wobbled when he came downstairs an hour later.

I kept my balance as I suggested breakfast and talked Aaron into eating something, and as we talked about his unique way of watching his recorded programs. Things got tricky when I mentioned taking a shower and getting ready. Then I really felt like I was going to fall off the rope when Aaron pointed me to his sign and abruptly shut his door again. Wobble………get my balance………wobble………..get my balance. Such is life with Aaron.

I couldn’t completely breathe a sigh of relief until I was driving away after conveying his message to the driver, being sure I got the 5:09 part correct. This balancing act covers the complete spectrum of Aaron’s life………from serious new medicine issues and behavior problems and seizures………to whether he wants to eat a somewhat healthy breakfast or will refuse good food………to being told to stay out of his room. Always balancing our decisions about Aaron and our direction with Aaron, wondering if we’re going to fall off that rope at any given time.

We balance our reactions to Aaron as well, struggling to be patient and loving while knowing at times that we need to be firm and strong. We balance our time spent with Aaron as opposed to our time spent doing what we want to do……without guilt. We balance whether to listen to Aaron’s same stories or same issues over and over and over again, or whether to pull the plug and tell Aaron that he just needs to quit telling us this same thing….AGAIN! And as time goes on, we will need to balance how to protect Aaron with how to release him.

I’m just very thankful that we have God to steady us when we start going sideways. Thankful that we have good family and friends who give us love and support and advice and laughter. And very, very thankful that even if we do fall off the rope……….underneath are God’s everlasting arms to catch us and to gently lift us back onto the rope……….where we will once again put one foot in front of the other and once again walk this tightrope of life with Aaron.

Home Again, Home Again

Gary and I just returned from a wonderful trip to Texas. We spent the weekend at the AAA Texas Nationals NHRA race at the Texas Motorplex…..where I went from being “Miss woman who likes to watch Andrew on TV” to being “Miss woman who likes to watch Andrew in person.” Aaron hasn’t thought to say that yet, but it’s probably just a matter of time before that comes out of his mouth in some form or fashion. We also finished the weekend perfectly by getting to have dinner with Andrea and Pete.

Zach, whom we’ve known for years, came over to spend the weekend with Aaron. Aaron has, of course, talked and talked and talked about the weekend and all the fun they had. They went to Chipotle’s, which was new to Aaron…….and which he keeps calling by names like Alfredo’s and other Italian sounding names. He described what they ate and what it had in it and the soft shells and how it tasted……and that’s just one place that they went, and one thing that they ate. He has expounded on everything they ate and everywhere they went, trust me. He will continue to do so until every topic is thoroughly exhausted……….and Gary and I will be, as well. Of course, Aaron doesn’t care about that. I am sure that his favorite Bible verse, if he knew of it, would be, “He who has an ear, let him hear….” And to think, we have two.

Aaron was very happy that he and Zach took Jackson on some walks around our circle. I don’t often let Aaron hold the leash. I just don’t think about it a lot, but Aaron was very thrilled that Zach let him hold the leash. “Mom!” he exclaimed. “Zach let me hold the leash!! How come he’s more trustable than you?”

Zach also took Aaron to the Renaissance Festival on Saturday. He texted me some pictures of him and Aaron and some friends. Aaron laughed when I showed him the pictures, and then launched off into how weird things were at this “festibal,” as Aaron calls it. We’ve discussed castles, bows and arrows, spears, spears of fire, kings, queens, knights………..you name it. “Mom?” he asked. “Can women be knights?” I told him that I didn’t think so. “Well, would you want to dress up as a lady knight?”

No, Aaron, I would not want to be a lady knight. “Oh yeah,” he replied. “I bet you’d like to be a queen.” Absolutely, Aaron!

As Aaron crammed salad and pizza down for supper on Monday, he said to Gary and me, “I noticed that Zach talks like, ‘Cool dude.’ Why does he talk like that?” So we told Aaron that guys that are Zach’s age just talk like that. I know. We’re so profound.

Aaron thought for a minute and then continued, “Zach said, ‘That’s cool, bro.’ What’s bro?” Gary told Aaron that bro is another word for brother. And of course, literal Aaron in his flat voice responded, “I’m not his brother.”

We know you’re not his brother, Aaron, but that’s just the way guys talk.

But to Aaron, this makes no sense. You should only call someone bro if they are truly your brother. After another moment of thinking, Aaron said, “On Sunday, Zach said ‘You can watch whatever you want on TV, bro.’ ”

There was a short pause and Aaron informed us, “I’m not bro.”

Gary and I laughed at Aaron’s rigid predictability as he sat there trying to figure out this bro business. I will always be amazed at how Aaron notices everything……..absolutely everything.

Like this morning. Aaron had been outside in the mulch as I finished getting ready to take him to meet his group. I heard the door slam shut as he came in the house. Perfect timing, I thought, as I hooked up his computer keyboard. He yelled, “Mom! I have something to show you!” He came up the stairs and in to his room just as I turned around………..and saw him right behind me, holding up a little baggie.

And inside the little baggie was a little mouse………a live MOUSE!!!! Oh my word!! Aaron knew that last week I had seen a mouse in the garage, and so he thought that this was the mouse……..but the mouse I saw had already been caught in our mouse trap, which he didn’t know, and that mouse was history. This new mouse was just a tiny baby. Aaron said he found him just outside the garage door, so he used a stick to put him in the baggie. Aaron was quite proud of himself for finding the mouse. He held up the baggie and I could see the little fellow crawling around inside the bag. Gulp!

I let Aaron walk out in the back yard away from the house and let the mouse go. Aaron watched to see if he was moving and when he was satisfied that he was OK, he walked happily back to the house. He washed his hands and off we went to meet his group, and to talk about mice and anything else that came into Aaron’s mind.

Aaron, whom as you know is very blunt, has said several times that he wished Gary and I had not come home and that Zach was still here. This doesn’t hurt my feelings. In fact, I’m very glad that Aaron had so much fun with Zach and that Aaron adjusts well to being with someone else other than us.

I also wish that Zach had been here this morning so he could have handled the mouse deal. Why did that have to happen on my watch?!

It’s good to be home, though……….mouse and all!

You Just Like Andrew

I’m sitting here thinking of our weekend and thinking of our children. Sometimes I still wonder where the time went. Our three kids are all adults now. We watch Andrea and Andrew from a distance now as they live their lives. They both live hours away from us, and while that can sometimes be sad it’s also very fulfilling for Gary and I to see them so happy in the lives that God has given them. Andrea is in graduate school studying genetics, and Andrew was recently hired by Cruz Pedregon Racing as a member of the pit crew.

Aaron, of course, still lives at home with Gary and me. Even when he may someday move out of our home, he will still be under our close care and supervision. Such is life with a child with special needs. Thinking back on the years of raising our children, it seems that times with Aaron stick in our memory the most. With Andrea and Andrew, we had all the typical home schooling and life activities………..music, sports, friends, church. With Aaron, we started out with those things but as time went on, he became less and less interested. Life for Aaron became harder instead of easier. He had such a difficult time with making friends or with wanting to be involved in outside activities. Or sometimes he wanted to be a part of a normal life but he just didn’t know how to do that, or simply couldn’t meet the expanding expectations of a person who is supposed to be growing into adulthood.

It’s hard for family life to be normal when parents are trying to manage and understand an issue as complex as autism. Throw epilepsy in the mix and it becomes very muddled. We had many frustrating days when Aaron was a teenager and then in his early twenties. One issue that kept coming up was jealousy. It was sad for Aaron to watch his siblings move on with life while he was stuck with doctors and medicines and surgery and hospital visits. Yet in many ways Aaron took it all in stride, even enjoying the time and attention that these events afforded him.

Aaron has always had a special relationship with Andrea. First she was his buddy, his special friend and playmate when they were younger. Now he looks to her as a mother figure in many ways. He misses her since she’s moved away, and often asks, “Mom, when is Andrea coming over?”……….as if she only lives a few blocks away and just comes over every now and then. She and I were on the phone the other night. Aaron walked in the room and when he realized that I was talking to Andrea , he wanted to talk to her as well. I put the phone on speaker and off went Aaron, bending over and rubbing his hands together in delight as he nearly yelled. “Andrea! Is there such a thing as deadly mutant viruses?!!” No “Hi, Andrea! How are you? I miss you.” We would faint if he ever expressed such emotions verbally, but Andrea and I both through our laughter knew that Aaron was happy to talk to his sister.

Aaron’s relationship with Andrew has been more complex. Aaron has always shown some jealousy toward his brother. I wonder if it’s something to do with both of them being male. It seems that there is a competition there on Aaron’s part that he has just never known how to handle. As they got older, Aaron had fewer friends while Andrew had more friends. Aaron was very jealous of Andrew’s friends who would come over, especially if they spent the night. Aaron loved sleepovers and always wanted to do that. Who could ever forget the day that a female friend of Andrew’s stopped by for a quick visit? Aaron stood at the top of our stairs and yelled down, “Andrew! Is she sleeping over?!” Poor Andrew. Who could forget all the rude comments that Aaron made to Andrew’s guy friends that would be at the house, or the time that Aaron hit Sam in the stomach? Or the day that Andrew got his driver’s license and Aaron saw him drive the old truck in the driveway that we bought him……..and Aaron quietly said, “Andrew drives? I wish I could drive.”

We had some good times with Aaron this past weekend…….just normal life but things that Aaron enjoys. He went for a haircut and even got a shampoo…….something he’s never done before and which delighted him a lot. We went to Dillon’s afterwards for him to get a Cheddar Pasta Salad and some of his favorite jelly beans. He ate dinner with Gary and me, talking between bites of his pork chops and fried squash that he loves. We played Tri-Ominos and we watched Wheel of Fortune. He ate some pizza, and then on Sunday evening he tried a new dish at Taco Bell as well as his tried-and-true hot fudge milkshake from Sonic. He talked our ears off, as always, and he did his quirky things that make Aaron…..Aaron. Like putting his peanut jar in his ever-present bowl on top of a plate, and then eating the peanuts out of the jar inside the bowl on top of the plate. That is SO Aaron! And he found my restaurant coupons that I’ve told you about…….the ones that I don’t want him to cut……….and that I found all in a pile……….CUT ON THE DOTTED LINES!!!! Oh, Aaron.

In the midst of life with Aaron, we enjoyed hearing about Andrea’s research and her time on Saturday with her boyfriend Pete and his parents. We also got to watch the NHRA race from Charlotte, and to see Andrew on television. This part of Andrew’s life now is something that we’ve tried to downplay in front of Aaron, but he found out about Andrew’s new job and the fact that he’s on TV sometimes. Aaron has seen Andrew on the screen. Aaron didn’t show much reaction to it the first time. This past weekend, he again saw Andrew and he again didn’t act excited……but I did hear him at one point mutter, “So what?” Oh boy, I thought, here we go.

On Sunday night I went in Aaron’s room to say goodnight. He was sitting up in bed reading his Handy History Answer Book (of course!) with his pillow just right and his back scratcher there beside him and his other pillow on his lap and his stuffed snake that used to be Andrea’s stuffed snake laying there beside him and his covers all wrinkle free and just so-so (of course!). I hugged him and I listened to his usual talk and I had a hard time leaving the room because every time I would ease over toward the door he would say, “Mom! Wait!” Then he would quickly think of something else to say or to ask in his attempt to keep me there as long as possible. Finally I said a final good night, and as I closed his door I heard him say, “Good night, Miss woman who wants to watch Andrew on TV.”

There it was, that old green monster of envy coming out. The next morning, yesterday, Aaron was talking to me as I got my make-up on and he said, “You just like watching Andrew on TV. And you just like talking to Andrew when he comes home.” I tried to explain to Aaron how little we see of Andrew and how happy we are for him, and that we do enjoy seeing him on TV. But I also reminded Aaron of the time spent with him and the love that we have for him, wondering if any of what I was saying was penetrating his hidden heart.

I thought of how I walked into Aaron’s room over the weekend and tapped him on his shoulder to tell him that we could play Tri-Ominos. He looked up at me with his headphones on as I sat on the bed right beside him. He made very direct eye contact with me, and with warmth and feeling he said, “Mom. I was waiting for you.” Something about his look and that comment just went straight to my heart.

I smiled and I gave him a quick hug………too much hug was not what Aaron wanted at that point. And I nearly cried. He looked so needy and so vulnerable. “Mom. I was waiting for you.” Oh Aaron, you don’t have to wait for me. You have me always. I am always here for you. You don’t have to be doing genetics research or to be on TV to be important or special to us. How I want him to know that he is loved and he is treasured for who he is………even when he’s driving us nuts! That is Aaron in all his many facets. I hope that he realizes that going to get a haircut and visiting Dillon’s and eating together and playing Tri-Ominos and watching Wheel of Fortune are just a few of the ways that we say, “I love you.”

So is making him the pretzels this morning that I bought a few days ago, letting him watch me bend the dough into that pretzel shape. And helping him get all set up in his chair with his blanket over his legs and his cups of coffee beside him, his hot pretzels fresh out of the oven on a plate in his lap, his napkins and toothpicks close by as well……….and then hearing him ask, “Mom, will you bring me a knife and a fork and a spoon? A knife….AND a fork……AND a spoon? All three……a knife, and a fork, and a spoon.”

Yes, Aaron, I will bring you a knife……AND a fork……AND a spoon. Even though you do NOT need a knife……..or a fork……..or a spoon……… while eating pretzels. But I didn’t remind him of that fact, because I know that Aaron DOES need a knife and a fork and a spoon, for some reason that we cannot quite understand but that we accept.

It’s just another way to demonstrate to Aaron that he is loved and that he is accepted. I hope that he sees that and feels it in his heart as he gobbled down the pretzels……..and never touched his knife or his fork or his spoon.

But they were there, within reach…….and so are we.

I Threw Up

When Aaron has an ache or a pain, it becomes the center of his conversation and his thoughts. He also thinks that it should become our main focus as well, and he does everything in his power to see that it does just that. Of course, Aaron’s main power is his mouth……..so he talks and talks about his ache or his pain until he himself has become a regular pain……to us. It can be quite an interesting circle in which we find ourselves.

For instance, Aaron’s leg. He bumped his leg on the van at his day group, so he says, and it must have really been painful……..at least to hear him tell it. There were two little open scrapes, too, so band-aids were needed – as was lots of sympathy. I gave sympathy until I was blue in the face, and still he talked and talked and talked about his poor leg. I assured him that his leg was not broken, because he was sure that it was, and that the bruising would heal as would the scrapes. But Aaron is not one to let go of a topic too easily.

“Mom,” he said. “I hurt my leg. When I walk it’s like I bend the bruise.” And he waits for the appropriate sympathetic response.

“Mom,” he said another time. “My leg hurts. It’s like the sore has been spread up.” And he waits once more for the sympathy that he hopes is coming.

“Mom,” he continued yet again. “Did I break my muscle?” And he doesn’t even notice my sigh as he looks yet again for his mother’s soft sympathy. But the sympathy from mom is not as heartfelt and sweet now, he notices. Mom is more to the point now and doesn’t even stop to look at the hurt leg. So he tries another tactic.

“Mom,” he blurted out. “I hate my body!” And with this, Mom’s head jerks up and she looks alarmed. Ah, Aaron thinks……….I got a better response with that one!

“Not my whole body,” he explained, “but my leg part!”

And Mom very nearly took his leg part apart in order to hit him over the head with it! But Aaron didn’t know that, thank goodness, and after a little, partially sympathetic talk he was once again happily assured that Mom did still care about his pathetic leg.

I was very happy when his leg was better and wasn’t the center of Aaron’s universe. However, this morning Aaron said that he threw up some. He also threw up a little yesterday morning. He seems fine and I suspect it may be from all the peanuts that he’s eating at night when he reads before bed. Whether he really threw up this morning is a mystery because I didn’t see it. The fact that it’s Monday and that he has to go to his day group may be more a motivator to him than anything. The throw-up card could come in handy in order to be able to stay at home. And so began his list of symptoms, beginning with the throw-up.

Seeing that this didn’t elicit an immediate “You can stay home today, Aaron” from me, he went to his next malady. “Mom, every now and then right now my head hurts.”

I know, Aaron, but here’s your coffee and I’m sure that will help you feel better.

“Mom, I threw up.”

I know you threw up, Aaron, but I bet that after your shower and your coffee you’ll start feeling much better.

I didn’t challenge or confront him, and I went busily back upstairs to finish getting ready. Soon he was in the bathroom, saying, “Guess what I saw in the mirror this morning?” And with that, he held up his arm to show me………..what? He continued, “See, Mom? Bumps!”

Aaron, those are skin tags and many people have those under their arms.

“They’re not bumps?”

Nope……skin tags. So Aaron disappointingly headed for the shower, returning several more times to talk. I finally asked him if he wanted to stop at Dillon’s on our way to meet his group. He could get something to take with him to eat, I told him. I could see that Aaron was very interested in that prospect, so off he went to take his shower. Having something else to think about rather than throw-up and headaches and skin tags was working wonders.

I felt like we were out of the woods when, after his shower, Aaron stood in my bathroom and talked non-stop about clone armies, Republic Commando, squads……..and then moved on to mutated viruses of various sorts. But there was no talk of his various ailments or that he was too tired to go to Paradigm, and I felt that we were almost over the “I don’t want to go today” hurdles. Some people may call it bribery, but I still always remember what Aaron’s wonderful teacher, Tom, used to say……”Sometimes you have to make it worth their while.” Sometimes re-directing Aaron’s thoughts from his “I don’t want to’s” to something more pleasant is just beneficial to all of us. It may be a cup of coffee, or saying that Jackson can ride in the van with us, or a stop at the store on the way to his group that will help Aaron to turn the corner and to quit obsessing about himself.

Of course, as we walked in the automatic door at Dillon’s, Aaron……in his bright orange shirt………..held both arms out to his sides as the doors opened and actually pushed one a little bit. “Aaron!” I hissed. “Don’t do that!!”

“What, Mom?” he replied. “You don’t want me to be Hercules?” So for two aisles we discussed why Aaron was not Hercules and why I didn’t want him to be Hercules and why couldn’t he be Hercules……..as he grabbed two containers of his favorite croissants and a Gatorade and we stood in the self check-out line, where he gave me a little whack on my behind.

“Aaron!” I hissed again. “Do NOT whack me there!”

“What, Mom?” he again replied. “You don’t want me to hit you on the butt?”

Aaron, stand here and bag your food. And no, I do not want you to hit me there. And don’t ask why again because you know why. Aaron, come here and finish bagging. Aaron, don’t back up into that person behind you. Yes, those skeletons are there for Halloween. Don’t back up! Here, bag your Gatorade! No, don’t take the bags yet. We’re not finished. Aaron, where are you going?

Sigh. Dillon’s seemed like such a good idea when we were at home. I grabbed the receipt and quickly followed Aaron out the doors, thankful that both of his hands were full of grocery bags.

No Hercules this time! But there WILL be a next time. There always is with Aaron.

The Serrated Line

On Wednesday night Aaron wanted to play a game, like he does every night of his life……and since I was too sleepy to feel like I could stay awake to read a book, I agreed to a game of Tri-Ominos with Aaron. Does that sound self-serving? I also agreed to a game because I do love Aaron, but sometimes I don’t like spending time with Aaron. That may have sounded worse. Well, anyway, some nights I just don’t have it in me, or I really don’t have the time, to sit at the table and play a game with Aaron. Because it’s not just playing a game……….it’s listening to his non-stop talking on most nights about a movie or a favorite game………and listening to him thump on the table with his hand………..and listening to him whistle…….and listening to him clap…….and listening to him slurp out of his water bottle……..

But Aaron can also be very funny and insightful and interesting. I’ve beaten him several times recently in Tri-Ominos, so he was absolutely thrilled when our first game went by quickly and he BEAT Mom 171-25!!!! Of course, he wanted to play again and since we had time and I had no easy way out, I agreed. This second game went by much slower, naturally. His talk of clone armies and squads and drones and I don’t even remember what else was definitely having an effect on me. I could NOT stop yawning and rubbing my eyes. I was in a haze when I saw that Aaron had reached over and picked up my cardboard coupon from Bath and Body Works. It was actually two coupons, with the serrated line between them.

I have to explain that Aaron, who clips all of my grocery coupons, can sniff out a coupon from another room. I had a little stack of restaurant and other store coupons laying there on the table. I keep them in a box in the van so I have them when I need them, and I had set these aside to take to the box later. I’ve told Aaron and told Aaron that I don’t want many of those coupons to be clipped. I prefer to store a sheet of those coupons in my box, for instance, instead of having 15 little cut coupons getting lost in the box. Aaron’s radar went right to the Bath and Body coupons with the serrated line that was just screaming at him. TEAR ME APART!………..is what it was saying to Aaron. I looked over at Aaron through another yawn and saw that he held that little coupon strip in his hand, staring down at it with his motive clear. YES, I WILL TEAR YOU APART!……..is what Aaron was saying to the coupons.

Now I realize this is no big deal, but you must understand that if you give Aaron an inch, he will take a mile……….clipping everything with lines on it along the way. On Sundays, I have taken out some of the coupons from the newspaper insert that I don’t need in order to lessen his coupon cutting load. But if he finds them, he gets irritated and insists on taking them so he can cut them out. He doesn’t care that I won’t use them. They have lines and they MUST be cut!!! Can you spell r-i-g-i-d r-o-u-t-i-n-e-s?

So when I saw him with my Bath and Body coupon strip, my haze suddenly cleared and I told Aaron to put my coupons down, even as he was already starting to bend them at that screaming serrated line. It took him a few agonizing seconds to put them back over in the little coupon stack where they belonged. He so very much felt the need to tear those coupons apart. I explained, as usual, that I didn’t want those coupons torn apart. “But Mom,” he countered, “they have that line where they’re supposed to come apart.”

No, Aaron, they don’t HAVE to come apart. But my words did nothing to settle that conflict in his head about the purpose of that serrated line. He thought that Mom was certainly ridiculous to not have torn the coupons apart already, and he was here to set this matter straight. Several more times during our final game of Tri-Ominos I saw him with the coupons in his hands, and each time I told him no……..do not tear the coupons apart. Finally, he reached across the table and handed me the little coupon strip. He knew that the pull to tear those coupons apart was too strong to resist, so he handed me the coupons in an effort to rid himself of this strong temptation.

“You just can’t resist tearing the coupons apart, can you, Aaron?” I asked. And he agreed that he could not resist………so there, Mom! Take them! I kept the tempting coupons with me for the rest of the game, out of Aaron’s reach, and when we were through with our game I put them back in the stack of coupons waiting to be taken to the van.

The next morning, Aaron got up and soon joined me at the kitchen table. We talked for a few minutes about how he slept and about his upcoming day. I was reading the paper as we talked, absorbed in juggling Aaron’s conversation with what I was reading………….when I heard it. It was the soft but unmistakable sound of something being torn apart at a serrated line. Zzzzzzzip. My head jerked up and there sat Aaron, smiling broadly as he held those little Bath and Body coupons…….one in each hand. He had torn them apart, of course. His smile was not one of meanness, but instead was one of relief, almost. His purpose in life………..for that moment………had been fulfilled. The coupons were no longer tormenting him to tear them apart. The deed was done! The mission accomplished!

Of course, I fussed at him and tried to correct him…….all the while knowing that he absolutely could not restrain himself from carrying out the purpose of that serrated line. This is part of the complexity of Aaron. I would say charm, but sometimes it’s anything BUT charming………..although these acts are often amusing as I look at Aaron’s gleaming eyes and big smile.

That afternoon he called me from his day group. He had actually called several times during the day, but I wasn’t able to answer then. When I did pick up the phone, the very first words out of his mouth, spoken with great feeling, were, “I couldn’t reach you!”

No hello or anything………..just, “I couldn’t reach you!”

Bingo, I thought! Aaron, most of the time I can’t reach you either! And I have some torn apart coupons to prove it!

NEXT Labor Day??

Ahhhhhh. That’s me breathing a big sigh of relief after safely and happily delivering Aaron to meet his group today. After a long break from Paradigm for the Labor Day weekend, I fully expected a grouchy Aaron to come barreling down the stairs this morning. This fear was further confirmed when I heard him open his bedroom door early this morning. An early rising after a long weekend at home usually means one thing………an unhappy Aaron not wanting to enter into his normal routine again. It almost always points to Aaron sighing deeply while telling me how tired he is and that he can’t go to Paradigm, etc., etc.

So I braced myself when after a few minutes I heard Aaron’s unmistakable loud thumping down the stairs. His steps sounded chipper, not slow and labored, so maybe just maybe he would be happy this morning. He came into the family room carrying his big fuzzy brown blanket, his fuzzy black pillow that goes behind his back while he watches TV, his yucky hand towel that he carries everywhere because he never knows when he will need to wipe something yucky off of his hands onto his handy yucky towel, and his back scratcher that not only scratches his back but mostly is used to whack the arm of the couch or the ottoman – loudly.

I still sat cautiously at the kitchen table as I tried to determine his mood. “Mom!” he exclaimed. “I slept well last night!” Then I knew that he was happy on this post Labor Day morning. We were off to a great start and I was very relieved, though I didn’t let Aaron know that. No need to call attention yet to the fact that going to Paradigm was on the horizon. Aaron continued, “Mom, last night I was reading in my Handy History Answer book. I was reading about the Huns!” He paused as he always does for me to have a chance to show that I am interested in hearing more about the Huns………although even if I don’t express such interest he’ll tell me more…….much, much more……about the Huns than I ever wanted to know.

He did continue, of course. “I’ve never heard of the Huns,” he said. I reminded him that he had heard of the Huns back in school but somehow he didn’t seem to remember. He was surprised that they were fighters and then said, “I thought they sounded like a religion kind of church group.”

Nuns, Aaron. That would be nuns. Not Huns.

And I was glad that Aaron was making me laugh this morning instead of making me do something like pulling out my hair, as he sometimes does. We’ve had a little of both on this long weekend just behind us. The hair pulling hasn’t been over anything bad, but listening to long drawn-out eternal conversations about the movie The Fly……..and then the movie Ghost Rider……..has been pretty overwhelming at times. “Mom! That guy was transformating into a fly in that machine!!” And off he flew from there with all the talk of The Fly……and then Ghost Rider and flaming skeletons and watching multiple movie clips of both movies and trying to pay attention and answer a myriad of questions that I don’t know the answers to……….or even care to know the answers to……….

Tiring, to say the least. And Aaron still talked to matter what we were doing. He talked when we took Jackson on a walk. He talked when we went shopping. He talked when we went out to eat. He talked when we watched racing on television, pausing long enough to see his brother, Andrew, on ESPN and being totally unimpressed. Now if Andrew had been transformating into a fly or if he was a flaming skeleton, Aaron would have been very impressed. Otherwise, not so much.

He also talked when we played Tri-Ominos. I dug out that old game and Aaron has enjoyed playing it once again. Of course, he also spends a great deal of time making sure that all the edges of the many Tri-Ominos pieces are put together as perfectly as possible. Scoot, scoot, scoot all those little triangles around! But it does keep him focused on something else for awhile other than The Fly and Ghost Rider.

So did finding a pile of Brain Seed Pods in our neighbor’s yard while we took our walk. Oh, I know some people call them Hedge Apples but to Aaron they are Brain Seed Pods……..always have been and always will be.

He also found a new television show to watch and TALK about this weekend. It’s Animal Planet’s Call of the Wildman………about Turtleman. This guy is wild and crazy and catches animals that are bothering people……….and Aaron loves him, naturally. Aaron’s world is expanding, I guess. Now we’ll be listening to a wild man on TV and living with one for real.

Back to reality, it was good to see Aaron be compliant and happy all morning with not one wild moment. He took some baby carrots to give to Rosie along with a small bottle of juice. He loves taking something to give to Rosie. As I talked to his driver this morning, Aaron heard us saying that Paradigm was technically open yesterday but very few clients were there. He got a wild look in those eyes of his as he blurted out, “Mom?! Can I stay home on Labor Day??”

“Aaron,” I calmly answered, “you just stayed home on Labor Day.”

“I mean NEXT year!!” he continued. “Can I stay home NEXT year on Labor Day?!!”

Oh dear. He was in no mood now to be laughed at, so I had to wait until I drove off to laugh loudly at his urgency to make sure he gets to stay home NEXT year on Labor Day.

And so life returns to normal after our holiday weekend………whatever normal is for us with our special, and sometimes slightly wild, Aaron.

The Power of Pancakes

I hadn’t been sitting on our patio very long on this beautiful Monday morning when the door opened and there came Aaron. Remember yesterday? I wrote about happy Aaron……happy to talk and talk…..happy to eat and to try a new smoothie…….happy to watch Zookeeper……..and happy to talk and talk about Zookeeper, among other things. But this morning I saw a very different Aaron. This Aaron was disheveled and frowning and tired. Very enormously tired. His finger was wrapped in a band-aid because he had torn a large piece of skin off near his nail. And to top off his misery, he knew that Dad and I had taken the van in for some repairs. This meant that his Paradigm driver would be picking him up at home today instead of us meeting them at Quik Trip like we normally do. A change in routine on top of huge tiredness was putting Aaron on overload, and putting me on alert.

“Do I have to go today?” he asked. I told him yes, knowing this wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear, but still saying it with a smile and some pep. Aaron wasn’t buying it. “Why?” he asked, this time with an angry edge to his voice. So I gave him the reasons that I always give……..that this is where he goes and what he does; that he has fun there; that he has friends there……and he angrily replied, “I don’t care!”

Now the pep in my voice changed to firmness and he settled down in his chair for a minute. Then I told him that I was going to pour his coffee before I went up to shower. He was quiet. So I asked, “Hey, would you like some pancakes?” And Aaron told me that he did NOT want pancakes………so I said OK and we sat there in silence for a minute or two. I finally pushed out of my chair and turned to open the door to go inside. Aaron was right behind me, and as the door closed and I turned to pour his coffee, he said, “OK. I’ll take some pancakes.”

I got out the old cookbook – one that I’ve had since Gary and I got married. I stirred together the pancake batter as the skillet heated, and soon I had three pancakes ready for Aaron to eat. By now he was enjoying the music I was playing, and was talking away, relaxed and happy. He took the plate of pancakes to the table, along with many pieces of silverware and the napkins and toothpicks and the comics. He spied the next three pancakes that were soon ready and claimed them as well. As he saw me finish making the last pancakes, he asked if I would sit at the table with him and eat as well. I really wanted to go take my shower and get this day going, but I knew that he wanted me to stay there and so I did. I munched on a pancake and listened to Aaron talk, of course.

He was very excited to tell me that he had finished the chapter he was reading in his Handy Science Answer Book. “Last night I finished that one chapter and I arrived in that other chapter,” he proudly told me. He went up to his room so that he could bring the book down and show me where he had arrived in the book. He talked about numbers again, like he did yesterday, except today it was things like Pi and what it means and why it’s used……..and I suggested that he read that part of his book again instead of asking me. Aaron finished his breakfast and went upstairs to shower while I cleaned the kitchen and got the sprinklers turned on outside. After his shower, I put some medicine on his finger along with a clean band-aid. I helped him with his belt, and he asked for help with his shoes, too…….saying that his finger hurt.

The morning was slipping away from me. I knew I might be in the shower when Aaron’s ride came, and knowing that he was still a little “iffy” about the ride business and the whole idea of going today, I decided to wait on my shower until Aaron left. Therefore, we sat on the front porch watching the sprinklers water our new grass seed. Aaron was happy to have my time and attention, of course, so he talked and talked…………mostly about the Zookeeper movie once again. Oh my goodness, he remembers every scene and wants to dissect every conversation and every look and every mannerism. The heat and the sound of the sprinklers and his monotone voice was driving me nearly into a state of deep sleep……..but every time I felt my eyes closing, I’d hear him saying, “Right, Mom?” I would fumble with some lame answer to a question I barely heard and he was content as he moved right on to the next sentence that had to be said.

Finally, his ride came and off Aaron went. I tried to get my already late day into gear. It wasn’t going quite as I had planned. I wasn’t frustrated, really. I knew that making the pancakes and then spending time with Aaron had probably saved the day for him……..and therefore, for me in the long run. Aaron left with a full stomach and with a back rub as we had sat on the porch glider together. He was happy and said goodbye to me nicely. Time spent with Aaron is never wasted, but sometimes it’s hard to let what I want to do be put aside to do what’s best for him.

Later, as I hand watered a section of our grass, I thought about how our children are like those fragile seeds that lay in the dirt. They need watering and care, even when we don’t feel like it on some days. We understand this as mothers, especially when our children are still young enough to live at home and be under our care. But when we are older, and our children are older, the watering is mostly done and we then have more time to pursue other things. Yet there I was this morning, making pancakes for my 28 year old son…….and sitting with him on the porch glider…….and rubbing his back……….and listening to his constant talking.

I still have watering to do for this boy who is a man in years only. It is not another’s responsibility but is what God has given Gary and I to do. As I watered that seed, I thought of other moms that I know who are caring for grandchildren full-time…………or who are raising more than one child with special needs……..or who happily take foster children into their homes. These women amaze me! I was humbled as I thought about them and I felt very blessed to have their example to spur me on toward victory in this walk. There’s not much room for selfishness, that’s for sure.

Over the weekend, I had told Aaron that we should play Tri-Ominos sometime. It’s been a long time since we played that game. He asked me to play it with him tonight. It was tempting to say no, but something made me think again………something about that seed that I had watered. And those pancakes that I had made this morning. So we played a round of Tri-Ominos tonight. It was good. He and I were content. And as I urged him later to be quiet because Dad was in bed, needing his sleep for another hard day of work tomorrow, Aaron asked me to just tickle his back for a minute as we stood by his bed. I wasn’t really wanting to do that, but I’m glad I did it. You know why?

Because Aaron told me about seeing the Hyatt Hotel downtown, except he pronounced it “Hi-yot.” So Aaron said, “Mom, what is the Hi-yot downtown?”

“The what?” I asked.

“The Hi-yot,” he repeated. “You know. That hotel.”

And I laughed, and Aaron didn’t mind that I laughed. He said that Barb laughed at Paradigm, too, when he told her about the Hi-yot. Which made me laugh again as Aaron stood there enjoying the back tickling. If I hadn’t been tickling Aaron’s back, I perhaps would never have heard about the Hi-yot. And I would not have had the laughter that warmed my heart and this memory that draws my heart to Aaron.

No moment is wasted with our children…….not a single one. From pancakes to the Hi-yot……..it was a good day.

Aaron’s Footprints

I wrote a blog in January of this year entitled Footprints. I wrote about two young men, Tyler and Paul, who left footprints of blessing in Aaron’s life. Today I’ve once again been thinking about footprints, but in a different way than before. It all started this morning with Aaron saying, “Mom! Guess what woke me up at 5:30?” Since I could not guess what woke Aaron up, and since he barreled right ahead without really even giving me a chance to guess what woke him up, he continued. “Dad walking down the steps.”

“How did you know it was Dad walking down the steps?” I asked. Aaron quickly answered, “Because I know his footprints. His footprints are heavier than yours. Yours are lighter.” I smiled, thinking of how on another occasion Aaron had described Gary’s footsteps as being deeper than mine. Today he used the word “footprints” instead of “footsteps.” With both words, though, he talked about hearing our feet as we walked without even being able to see us. He recognized who was there without sight because he was so used to the sound of our steps.

I’ve thought about this today in relation to Aaron’s footsteps and therefore his footprints in our lives. Physically speaking, Aaron’s footsteps are very, very loud. He doesn’t usually just walk up the stairs, for instance. He thumps on each step with such force that he sounds like a huge animal going up the stairs. The same is true as he barrels down the stairs, and even as he crosses the floor. Clump, clump, clump! There is no mistaking that Aaron is on the move!

Often when we walk into Aaron’s room to tell him something, we’ll find him with his headphones on as he plays a computer game or watches a movie. He can hear us coming in, but he acts like he can’t. We’ll speak to him or touch his shoulder, and he’ll give a fake jump and then loudly say, “You scared me!” The other day I was downstairs on my computer when Aaron came home from his group. I heard him, of course, but as he came down the stairs to find me he decided to turn the tables and be the one to do the scaring. It was so funny to hear him trying very hard to come down the stairs as quietly as Aaron can be quiet………which isn’t very quiet at all. But I played along and didn’t turn as he came into the room where I was sitting with my back to him. He walked near my desk and then stopped, so I finally turned around and found him standing there with a huge grin on his face. “I was trying to scare you, Mom!” he exclaimed. “Did I scare you?” I told him that he did scare me and I faked being scared as much as Aaron fakes being scared and he was very happy to have scared Mom!

Emotionally, Aaron certainly leaves footprints in our lives that we hear loud and clear. One minute we’re laughing and the next we’re wanting to yell……….and sometimes do! This morning he was talking to me and he was so happy. Then I felt that little sting that he inflicts when he puts his middle finger behind his thumb and gives me a ping on my arm or my back. I fussed at him all the way up the stairs! And I know he’ll do it again at the first chance.

Sometimes Aaron’s footsteps are light, as he says that mine are. He can be funny and happy, showing us a view of life that we don’t see otherwise. He notices everything, like this morning when he talked about the three sprinkler tripods that Gary set up in the front yard to water some grass seed. “Mom, I see dad put sprinkler systems in the yard. There’s almost a lot of them.” I asked him how many sprinklers are “almost a lot” and he simply said, “Three.” He didn’t say it, but I do believe he was thinking that Mom was very slow today.

Or the day that there was a staging crew at the house for sale across the street from us. Aaron asked what they were doing and I told him they were staging the house to help it sell……..and I explained staging. Later he went out to the garage and told Gary, “Dad! There were scavengers in that house today!!” Gary came in laughing and Aaron was still wondering about scavengers.

His descriptions of things are amazing and unique and so funny. Talking about a hot air balloon as opposed to a blimp, he said, “You know a hot air balloon……..the one with the bag on top!” After listening to a song several times that I had played on a CD, he complained, “Mom, you got that song stuck in my head. I want it stuck OUT of my head!!” And describing the fact that his whiskers on his cheeks have grown some, he informed me, “Mom, the whiskers on the side of me have grown!”

Just as Aaron leaves footprints of frustration or footsteps of joy in our lives, he also leaves us at times with those deeper prints……….those times when we see his vulnerability and when we get a glimpse of his heart. When he tenderly puts his arm around my shoulder and lays his head against mine………for no reason but to want to be close for a few seconds. When he can’t speak after a seizure but looks at me with such trust and pleading in his eyes. When I look outside and see him sitting by the mulch, thinking his thoughts and processing his stories in his head. When he offers Andrea or Andrew a movie to take with them when they leave after a visit, or when he wants to buy them candy at the store when they are here. When he calls me from his day group, like he did today, and says with childlike joy, “Mom! I’ve been good today!” And certainly when he talks about Rosie, like this morning when he said, “Mom, Rosie likes me. What does it mean that she likes me?”

Sometimes Aaron’s footprints leave us heavy, as he described Gary’s prints. Heavy with guilt as we react angrily to him. Heavy with worry when he has seizures, or when we wonder about his future. Heavy with responsibility as we weigh medical decisions, weight loss, friendships or lack thereof, and many other issues. Heavy with tiredness at the end of a long day, when Aaron wants to play a game or wants help with getting every single wrinkle out of his bed or wants to ask about the weather one more time or tell me that he saw an ant in the sink……..and then thumps up the hall and knocks on the door one more time to tell me what the current outdoor temperature is. Really?

With the deep prints and the light prints of Aaron we learn more about him……….and we learn much more about ourselves. Some of what I learn about me isn’t so pleasant, and then at times what I learn is that I have grown a lot by having Aaron in my life. Some of his prints I see and some I only hear, but they all are a definite part of my heart and of who I am today. And I can hear him loud and clear, like when he was trying to quietly sneak down the stairs and scare me. He doesn’t even know that I can hear him all day long, but I can. In my heart I can hear him and I know his footprints in my life.

I pray that each step…….each print……..will make me a better mother to our special son.

Day By Day

My last blog was about the meltdown that Aaron and I both had last week. Wednesday evening was not a time that I want to re-live. I’m very thankful for the fact that Aaron and I have been able to move beyond it. I’m amazed at both his ability to act like nothing ever happened, and his inability to stop the impulsive behaviors that cause him so much anguish.

On Thursday, the day after all the mess, Aaron didn’t want to go to Paradigm. Whenever he has a significant incident, he doesn’t want to face the people or the place right away. I know this about Aaron so it didn’t surprise me at all that he didn’t want to go to his day group. I also know better than to try to force him to go. He calmed down on that morning when he realized that I wasn’t going to make him go, even as he promised that on Friday he would go to Paradigm. He and I went to our optometry clinic, where they tried to repair Aaron’s glasses but couldn’t. However, they were able to order new frames under warranty so there won’t be any charge. This was the beginning of a day of blessings.

Aaron was fairly somber that morning, so I took that opportunity to talk to him again about his actions that sometimes get him in trouble. As we began to talk, he asked, “What is my problem? What do I do?” He wanted to know what it is that he does that causes him such trouble with others at times. His honest question surprised me. I told him about the way that he likes to poke, pinch, and hit others. Aaron thinks that this is funny, but no one else likes it. Or they may tolerate it for awhile but then erupt in fury, such as happened the day before.

Aaron listened, and then told me that he had talked to Melinda, one of the staff, about how he likes to hit and poke people. He said, “I told Melinda that I think it’s fun. Tomorrow I’m going to tell her that it’s not fun to me.” There it was…………another glimpse into Aaron’s mind. He really wants to be able to make himself quit thinking that this behavior is fun. He rationalizes that if he tells Melinda it’s not fun, then maybe it really won’t be fun to him…….and maybe he can stop himself from this annoying behavior. This will be easier said than done for Aaron, I know, but for then I encouraged him to keep on thinking this way.

I had plans on that day to meet my good friend, Atha, for lunch. I can leave Aaron for a period of time and so I decided to go ahead with our lunch date. However, I still felt very tired from the bad time the night before. I knew that time with Atha would be good for me, though, and so I looked forward to lunch. I got a text from Atha that morning telling me that she had invited her friend, Joyce, to join us for lunch. I wasn’t sure I was up for that, but off I went to eat lunch with my friend and to try to summon the energy to meet someone new.

As we ate lunch and as I was getting acquainted with Joyce, I learned that she was widowed last year………but that God had brought a wonderful man into her life and she was going to marry him right after Christmas this year. The three of us women, of differing ages and situations, shared stories and laughter and yes, tears, as we ate our lunch. I was relaxing and I was thankful that I had come, and that I was getting to meet this sweet woman with a story of her own pain and joy. I sat there fully aware that somehow God had ordained this day. Another blessing was mine in that Applebee’s booth.

I heard my phone jingle, signaling me that I had a text. I looked quickly to see what it was, and saw that Barb from Paradigm had sent me a message. She told me that the staff had met, and that they had some plans concerning Aaron. A therapy dog had been approved, so they were going to start the process of finding a puppy for Aaron and the other clients to love and enjoy. They are going to set up a safe mulch area for Aaron so he can have some mulch time in which to calm himself. They plan to schedule staff for small outings that Aaron might enjoy more than some of the big outings………like taking him and Rosie for walks at the YMCA. She ended by saying, “We love him and we won’t give up on him!!” Tears slid down my cheeks as I read the message to Atha and Joyce. A third blessing!

As I was getting to know Joyce, I learned that she was an accomplished pianist and accompanist. I told her that I would love to hear her play someday. As our lunch ended, Joyce asked Atha and I if we would come to her house so that she could show us her newly painted peachy pink garage. I told Joyce that I would come if she would play her piano for me, which she happily agreed to do. But then Atha said that I must sing…..and I was not so sure. I haven’t sung in several years and though I wanted to sing that day, I wasn’t sure if I could or if I would just stand there and cry.

But there I stood by Joyce’s piano, after we had seen the peachy pink garage and been given a tour of her home……..and I held a hymnal and I sang parts of two hymns as Joyce so beautifully accompanied me. It was a personally significant moment for me on several levels. I didn’t cry, but I was deeply touched by God’s gift of this moment for me. He knew that I wasn’t sure I wanted to meet someone new on this day. He knew that I was tired and discouraged. But He orchestrated this day for me……and for Joyce…..and for Atha. It was no mistake that Joyce had called Atha that morning, lonely and wanting to see her. It was no mistake that Atha and I already had plans on this day after my meltdown with Aaron…….and that I was very tired and in need of encouragement. God prompted Atha to invite Joyce to lunch, and each of us was especially blessed because Atha obeyed. God brought smiles and joy and some healing to each of us on that day, in just the ways that we needed. A fourth beautiful blessing!

The last song I sang that afternoon was Day by Day. This song so well describes our day by day with Aaron.

Day by day, and with each passing moment,

Strength I find, to meet my trials here;

Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,

I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.

He whose heart is kind beyond all measure

Gives unto each day what He deems best.

Lovingly, it’s part of pain and pleasure,

Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day the Lord Himself is near me,

With a special mercy for each hour;

All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me.

He whose name is Counselor and Power.

The protection of His child and treasure

Is a charge that on Himself He laid;

“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”

This the pledge to me He made.

Help me then in every tribulation

So to trust Thy promises, O Lord.

That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation

Offered me within Thy holy Word.

Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,

Ere to take , as from a Father’s hand,

One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,

Till I reach the promised land.

The perfect words to end a perfect afternoon.

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