Am I Ready?

It was November 7, 1984.  Gary and I lived in Colorado Springs.  I was one week into my 9th month of pregnancy with our first child.  Gary had just returned home from flying his Army Cobra helicopter.  I headed up our stairs when a pain hit me.  Gary saw me from our bedroom as he was changing out of his flight suit.

“Now?” he asked with surprise.  

I soon knew that, yes, the time was now.  We hurried to Fort Carson and just a few short hours later we welcomed Aaron into the world…into our world.  

I had been busy making all his nursery items.  The yellow and white gingham curtains, bumper pad, and changing table cover were waiting on Aaron.  But there were still things to do, like putting the crib together and finalizing all the other details of his cute yellow duck nursery.  We just weren’t all the way ready for Aaron to join us three weeks early!

In so many other ways over the 40 years of our life with Aaron, I have found myself still not ready.  Not ready for this journey of Epilepsy, Autism, and having our adult son still living with us.  Not ready for the hundreds of ways that our life is not at all what we thought it would be as we held our little 6 lb. 4 oz. squirming bundle in that old military hospital on Fort Carson.

In so many ways, Gary and I are set apart from our peers even at this stage of our lives.  We are not free to come and go as we might wish.  Aaron is entwined in every decision we make.  And when I meet someone new and we are getting acquainted, the usual response when I tell them that we still have our adult special needs son living with us is, “Oh.”  Most people don’t know what to do with that scenario and so they quickly move on to other topics. 

Aaron can be so funny.  He is just who he is, too, especially in public.  But even that can be a bit embarrassing to us as he does his Aaron things, oblivious to what others are thinking.  Like sitting in the grocery aisle to examine his latest food find.

Or sitting on the floor in every waiting room now so that he can work on his sticker book, even rearranging a chair or table if needed.

I have thought a lot about Mary especially now as we retell the Christmas story at this time of year.  When Gabriel told her that she would become pregnant and give birth to Jesus, God’s Son, she humbly said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”  

She must have experienced so much embarrassment as her condition became known.  Did anyone other than Joseph really believe her story?  The gossip, the looks, the questions…how she must have been set apart from everyone in that small town.  

Mary gave birth far from home, surrounded by animals in a dirty stable.  Not even her mother was there to help her.  I doubt that the scene was like the ideal pictures we see on our Christmas cards. 

Then the move to Egypt to escape Herod and coming back to their hometown of Nazareth a few years later where everyone knew Mary’s story of her past.  

Was Mary ready to be the mother of Jesus?  Ready for the turmoil that surrounded Jesus? Ready for the fear as she watched Him being hated and persecuted?  Ready for the extreme heartbreak as she watched him tortured and put to death?  

I doubt that she was.  But she had already made the most impactful decision of her life when she yielded to God’s will for her life.  

That same yielding to God is what brings me the deepest peace as well, even in the fear of Aaron’s seizures.

Peace, eventually, during the frustrations of his behaviors.

I know, and so can you, that “…the God of peace…even Jesus our Lord, will equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever.  Amen.”   (Hebrews 13:20-21)

We don’t know what it is that will please God in our lives.  

But we can be ready if we know and follow Him, trusting our loving God as we, like Mary, say, “May it be to me according to Your word.”

The best gift we can give Jesus is our heart and our will.

May each of you have a very blessed Christmas season as we celebrate the birth of such a Savior!  

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Author: Patty hesaidwhatks

I'm Patty and I write about our adult son who has Epilepsy and Autism, who still lives with my husband and me, and who is a package full of many surprises and joys and challenges and TALK! Lots of talking, which creates laughter and some other reactions as well. I also write about how God shows Himself to me in everyday life.

30 thoughts on “Am I Ready?”

    1. I’ve thought so much about what Mary’s daily life must have been like from the conception on through her whole life. What submission to God she displayed, knowing that it would be so hard yet not knowing just how hard it would really be. She is a great example to me of how I need to live. Have a very blessed Christmas, Alicia and family!

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  4. Aaron is so blessed to have such wonderful parents. May God richly bless you and Gary for all you do for him. I pray your family gatherings are rich in memories and celebrations as you celebrate the birth of Jesus. Merry Christmas!

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  5. Aaron was a beautiful baby with an engaging smile. I thoroughly enjoyed your speculation about Mary and the changes the baby Jesus would bring to her life, as Aaron did yours. That is a fabulous image of you and Aaron-worth framing! 🙂

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  6. Dear Patty, your sweet spirit is conveyed through every paragraph of this touching post, the way you soldier on through challenging circumstances, the way your faith remains strong, the way you’ve acquiesced to God’s plan for your lives. I continue to pray for you, my friend–for God’s strength, wisdom, and grace to carry you through each day. May you enjoy a most blessed Christmas, especially as you anticipate the gift of another grandchild in the coming year!

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  13. Patty, It is true that life often unfolds differently than we imagined it would. But I have learned that God is faithful and He “causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) That is such a comforting verse. I have seen this in my own life many times. Not only that, but I believe more will be revealed to us when we get to Heaven.
    Thank you for writing this blog. I am always blessed and it is one of my favorites! 🙏

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